The Forgotten Child
by LionQueen
Summary: She wakes up in the jungle alone, no identity and no past. Sayid is convinced she's an other, and Henry seems to think so too! Just when she thinks she's finally found a place to call home, fate turns the tables again! Jack, Sayid & Ben centric.
1. Captured

** The Forgotten Child - By LionQueen**

**Chapter 1 - Captured **

**A light spray of misty rain showered down on the soft earth and dripped from the leaves of dense trees, as a sliver of sun poked it's way through an overcast sky. **

**It was a dreary day. ****  
**

**Nearly Two weeks ago she had woken up alone in the jungle. She lie on her stomach over a patch of leaves, dizzy and weak, head pounding intensely. It was the pitch of night, and rolling on her back, she could see nothing but the tall frightening shadows of the trees and the spray of stars, which were so vast above that it was difficult to make out even one in itself. The moon was full and orange.**

**An orange, yes ... that would be better than nothing right now - honestly. The only food she had managed to scout were some scattered patches of berries here and there. There was the coconut, but she beat it on a rock until her hands were raw. She had not seen a mango in a couple of days.**

**Her bare feet stepped gently over small limbs and rocks. Pale legged, mud streaked and covered in marks left by the underbrush and thorns of small plants, she crossed a nothing trickle of a stream - if even that - and scooped a few handfuls of water to slurp out of her palms. Splashed a bit on her face. The cool fresh feeling soothed her eyes, since she had not slept much. She took a piece of torn sleeve to dampen and place on the back of her head. Now she was headed… well… she didn't know where she was headed. Walking was better than staying in one place and becoming prey to some creature or something else - _whatever that may be._**

**She scanned the trees to her left and right, in front and behind constantly, unsure of what she was looking for - or whom. As she looked, she kept moving, stopping only to get a drink of water if she ran across a stream, or to pick a berry if she found one or two. She was certain of one thing - that she was deep in the jungle.**

**She could not go far at once, but traveled as long as she could before needing to rest. The last few days had left her weaker than she had already been. As she trekked onward, a feeling came over her that sent a chill through her body. She halted, with cautious eyes wide open and limbs tensing, she heard a deep guttural sound. Suddenly the trees began to sway back and forth as if something were running through them. As it neared, a sound like steel grinding upon itself filled the air.**

**The slight breeze had stilled and the thing was almost on her, when a surge of adrenaline took her bolting fearfully through bushes and branches. The slippery ground beneath her seemed to hold her back the harder she tried to run. Her breathing grew heavier and her heart pounded. She dare not look back, though it seemed it was gaining ground on her.**

**"Wait!" a man's voice yelled out from behind.  
**  
**"Stop!" he yelled even louder and more forcefully.**

**She froze, her chest heaving in and out, and sweating hard from her run. The ground spinning below her. Though she wanted, she could not bring herself to turn and face him.**

**She heard the crackling of his footsteps as he approached.**

**"Don't move." The voice was deep and the tone unlike any she recognized. Yet, she did as he said, and stood still.**

**He came around her, and she could see thick, curly black hair over dark olive-brown shoulders, which glistened from the drops of rain rolling from them. He wore a white tank, snugly over a pair of bleached jeans. His back was to her, as he bent forward.**

**"Now back away." He said in a lower tone now. Though it was softer, it was just as stern and she obeyed.**

**Once she was far enough away, he also took a few steps back. Then as he shot a quick glance at her, she saw a flash of dark eyes set under thick eyebrows. A mustache and a black strip of beard tracing his tanned jaw. He brushed the leaves away with his foot and carefully avoided the tripwire stretched tightly across the ground, then looked up, and with a finger pointed for her to look as well. A net filled with small boulders hung over the place her foot would have stepped - had he not stopped her. **

**"It would have killed you before you knew it was there," he said studying her. **

**She started to thank him, but he continued in a not so welcoming manner.**

**"Now, who are you?"**  
**She met his eyes awkwardly blinking as she swallowed.**

**"I ..." She said. "I ..." Her mind raced.**

**"Do you not remember? Or are you trying to get your story straight? "He prodded." Where are they? "**

"**Where are who? " She answered, now fearful of what she had been saved from to be threatened by.**

**" The others. Where are they? They can't be far behind. "**

**He studied her hard and then sighed.**

**"Never mind. You will tell me what I want to know. But for now, you will come with me. "  
**  
**She instinctually stepped back a bit when he approached her. "Wh … What are you doing? " **  
**He stopped just short of a few inches from her face, staring down on her. "I'm going to bind your hands. We are going back to my camp, and then you will answer my questions. " **

**He placed his hands across her shoulders, and then turned her around. Trembling with fear, she remained still as he bound her hands and then blindfolded her. While wrapping a handkerchief around her eyes, he noticed that she was bleeding on the back of her head. There was a deep wound that looked infected.**

**"What happened to your head?" He asked, tightening the handkerchief.**

**She winced a little under the sharpness of the pain. On the first night she found herself abandoned in the jungle, she began to sit up and felt cool and wetness on the back of her neck. She placed her hand there and when she drew it back again, she smelled it and recognized the scent of fresh blood. As she examined from the base of her neck to the back of her head, she discovered a very deep and excruciatingly painful gash.**

**"Forget it.," he said. "It's getting dark."  
**  
**He turned her around and pointed her in the direction he wanted her to walk and then prodded her forwards. She stumbled around, guided by his firm hand wrapped around her arm, until she began to hear the sound of waves crashing and people talking and laughing. Her pace became slower now, as she felt dizzier. She stumbled once or twice but he held her up and kept her moving.  
**  
**She sensed another presence moving in towards them and heard a second voice speaking in another strange accent. She could understand the words, but it was different.**

**"Sayid…" he said." What's going on? " **

**"Go get Jack" Sayid answered.  
**  
**He kept her moving until soon, she heard the sound of metal creaking and then detected the hardness of a cold, smooth floor, underneath her naked feet. . A steel door shut behind them. ****Music floated in from a short distance, but she didn't recognize it. And she found that the words were becoming distant and hard to understand. **  
**He led her to a chair and directed her to sit. She sat there, hands still roughly bound and now burning. She heard someone enter, and then another man's voice.**

**"Sayid, what's up?"**

**"She's one of them. I found her in the jungle almost tripping another one of Danielle's wires. "**

**" Ok. " He answered. " Well, let's see."**  
**His feet scuffed the floor as he moved towards her. She could hear his breath as he reached around her head to remove the handkerchief. With the pressure released, the numbness subsided and a surge of pain coursed through her head. She opened her eyes, but could barely see in the white light, a man with short buzzed hair was looking in her face, studying her. His arms were bare under a checkered sleeveless shirt.**

**"Are you alright?" he asked, staring intently at her with soft, amber eyes. She was dirty, and her hair stringy, mangled with dirt and dried blood. He reached up and touched her eye, opening it with his finger and looking closer. Drawing his eyebrows downward with concern, his cool palm brushed across her face and forehead.**

**"You're burning up." He said with more urgency. He continued talking, but his words became jumbled together, and his lips seemed to move slower and more deliberately. She felt cold and light.**

**She needed sleep. If she could only sleep, maybe she would wake up and find that she had only dreamt a nightmare and she would really be slumbering in a warm comfortable bed, safe and protected. The white light grew dim and Jack's face began to fade away until she could no longer make out the details. She didn't hear him talking to her anymore. She didn't feel him catch her in his arms, when she sank into unconsciousness and slumped over, slipping out of the chair.**

**Everything dissolved into a piercing, blurry, white light. She heard murmuring and whispering all around her. What were they saying? What was this light? A dark figure hovered above her. There was the high-pitched ting of metal instruments hitting each other. What was that?**

**The murmuring, it was creepy.**

**Images flashed before her that terrified her, though she could not focus enough to see them. Then, a dark, cold room, without windows and icy, damp earth as a floor.  
Suddenly, she was running in the jungle and throwing back large branches as she went. There were sounds that she couldn't make out. She heard popping noises. Everything began to spin as terror swept over her. Swiftly it came to a halt when she heard a loud pop and felt a searing pain.**

**She all but bolted up as she cried out.**

**"Hey, it's alright." Jack assured her.**

**Her eyes flicked here and there. As reality set in, she settled back down into the cot that she was lying on. It had been a dream. She shivered; her clothes were soaked with sweat.**

**"You've just broken a fever." He said again. "Do you want something to drink? Some water? "**

**She nodded slowly as her breathing became normal again. Thankful for the cool swallow of liquid that he gave to her, she took small sips.**

**"How do you feel?" He asked setting the cup down.**

**"Sore. Cold. "She managed.**

**In the background, she could see Sayid staring into the room. His eyes were intense.**

**"I'm Jack. What's your name? "**

**She glanced timidly at Sayid." It's.… it's Sarah. "**

**"Sarah?" He echoed in an uncomfortable tone. Did he want another name? What one could she give him? It would not matter because she had already given him this one and a second would only complicate things further.**

**After an unnerving silence, he spoke again. "Well ... Sarah… you were shot in the back of the head. You have a bullet graze back there. Can you tell me how that happened? "**

**Fear returning, she tried to speak. " I was… running. I was running and... "**

**"Jack." Sayid called him.**

**He looked back, lowered his head and sighed. Regretfully, he went to him.**

**"Let me." Sayid insisted.**

**"Look, I just don't …" Jack argued, one hand on his hip as he swiped a palm over his mouth. **  
**Sayid stood with arms folded and a stern look on his face as he stuck his bottom jaw out. "These people ... these others, they would not have cared if you and I died. They would not put us in a soft bed or give us water. If you want the truth, let me. "**

**He raised an eyebrow." You know that I'm right."**

**Jack shot her a quick glance then turned back to Sayid.**

**" Listen " he said quieter. " I agree with you, I think she's one of them. But we're not animals, Sayid. And so far she's been cooperating. "**

**He saw the look of dissatisfaction on Sayid's face.**

**" She's recovering from a bullet wound infection. She's not goin anywhere. "**

**Sayid snorted as he turned and walked away.**


	2. The Interrogation

**Chapter 2 - The Interrogation**

**She could smell the rain. It was fresh and crisp. She had spent a fair amount of time drowning between the rhythm of sleep and consciousness. She wasn't certain how many days it had been since meeting Sayid in the jungle, nor after she had passed out in the hatch. **

**The Hatch - that's what she had heard them call it. What was a hatch? For every one question she saw in their eyes, she had ten more. She was aware of four men so far, the nameless voice on the beach, Jack, Sayid and now the bald one. Locke was his name. **

**He seemed pretty calm and resilient. This Locke person. What an odd name. There was something in him that seemed somewhat… sad. He had not given her a piercing dagger look with his bright blue eyes, and that had to mean something good. He sometimes even shot her a smile that appeared almost encouraging. **

**Jack seemed to be the one in charge. She was a bit thankful since he was the only thing between she and rabid Sayid, who apparently wanted a piece of her - though she couldn't see what it was that she could have done to him. ** **For the past couple of days, she was allowed to sit in the dining area, where she was now. It wasn't really much of an area. There was a small window with the blinds drawn. An artificial light glowed from behind the blinds, yet there was no warmth from it. Under the window was a small booth, a tabletop with a seat on either end. One extra chair on the side. She lowered herself down to the cushy seat. Locke sat in the other, facing her. He handed her a bowl of cereal. _Dharma?_ She read off the box. It was a funny little symbol. A hexagon? Octagon? She wasn't any good at Math. The black and white swan in the center was interesting. **

**She smiled a faint crooked smile. " No milk ? " **

**Locke gave a headshake and answered. " Nope. No milk. " **

**Jack strode across the room shortly after she was seated and took a seat in the chair beside them. He was sporting a clean shirt, solid white and still sleeveless. This time she noticed the his tattoos. A number five with a series of symbols and stars. A doctor with tattoos? Well, there could be stranger things, say, waking up in the jungle with a bullet wound, getting captured by some man seemingly wanting to do nightmarish things to you, and being held prisoner in a hatch... whatever a hatch was. **

**As she crunched on dry cereal, she examined the room, noticing a round black and red board hanging on the wall. In the middle of the floor sat a large chair and a sofa with a table between them. **

**She traced the wall until her eyes fell on a door several feet from behind Locke. It looked thick. She imagined what secrets could be hidden there behind such a door. Another prisoner maybe? She hoped it would not be her next living quarters. **

**She noticed Jacks eyes cut slightly in the same direction that she was looking. She took note of it. It didn't help her to feel anymore comfortable though.** **Sucking in a deep breath, she lowered her eyes, and ate a few kernels of cereal. They had taken care of her up to this point. Jack had nursed her back to health and now they were feeding her. Why should she be afraid? **

**"_Maybe because they're looking you over like a bug_" she thought to herself. Then the idea passed her mind that they could have been the ones chasing her and one of them could have been the one who shot her. What sense would it make though? Let her go? Shoot her and then bring her back and act as if they didn't know who she was? It seemed a bit farfetched. This gave her chills thinking about it. Who would play such an evil game? **

**Instead, she tried to listen for the falling rain pitter-pattering outside. The only thing she could actually hear was the same drip-drop of water that had been leaking from somewhere in the hatch since she was brought there.** **It looked like the place was made of some kind of metal and rock blended together, as far as she could tell. Something was familiar about it though. It was damp, and there was this weird feeling about it. An energy she couldn't quite place that made her skin tingle. **

**"_Get out! Get Out! _"She heard a voice in her head yelling. There was a flash of a face and dark wavy hair, and then she heard Jack. **

**"What was that?" he said holding his spoon in mid-air.**

**She raised her head, staring. She didn't know what it was. Locke had also lifted his eyes to her studying her curiously. She glanced at him and then quickly returned a wide-eyed gaze to Jack. "You heard it too?" **

**"Heard what?" he answered with a puzzled but intense look. **

**She stared with a disillusioned frown, wishing she hadn't said anything at all. **

**"No," he blew out a puff of air. "I didn't hear anything. What was it? "**

**She sat with her elbows on the table, and then sighed fiddling with her hands. " I …I guess it was just in my head. " **

**He kept his eyes on her momentarily, then nodded and spoke with a distant tone. "Ok then. You done with that? " **  
**She nodded and he took the bowl from her then cleaned off the rest of the table. She watched him, eyeing the tattoos. **

**When he returned, he flipped the chair around and straddled it, with his elbows propped over the back of it. **

**"So, how do you feel today?" **

**She took his posture as a sign of interrogation and felt her stomach growing tight. She tried a weak smile. **

**"Better than a few days ago." **

**"That's good. That's very good. "He cocked his head to the side slightly. His brown eyes studying her. " I thought since you were better, we could have a chat. "**

**Shuffling in his chair, he continued. "Let's talk about you." **

**She sat back, pulling her hands into her lap. She took another breath and swallowed. She shot a timid look at Locke. His interest seemed to peak at the idea of this proposed chat as he leaned forwards and listened. **

**"Sayid found you running in the jungle out there." Jack began. **

**She was brought back to the moment in her mind. Terrified, weak and running in fear of her life she'd hoped to had found help in her new freind - Sayid. To her chagrin he was quite the opposite. And so she had jumped the proverbial pot into the frying pan. She met Jacks eyes with reservation. **

**"There was something out there." She answered. "I couldn't see it ... but it was big and it was fast." **

**Goosebumps broke out on her skin as she recalled the sound of the creature as it stalked her through the jungle. Yet she felt even less safe here, inside a metal fortress. **

**Jack nodded, and then squinted, pulling his lips in.**

**"How did you get out there in the first place? Where did you come from? " **

**She stared at him blank-faced. She had had enough time to think of something. She flashed back to when she told him her name was Sarah. That was definitely the wrong answer. Not one he liked, at least. What would happen if she kept giving them the wrong answers? She had to say something. **

**"I was on a plane. It crashed. " Her jaw clenched with her answer.**

**"When? How long ago? " He rubbed his hand across his mouth. **

**"I ...I don't know. A few weeks, over a month. I don't really know. "** **He squinted again and for some reason it made her nervous. "Where were you sitting? " **

**Her eyebrows drew together. "Wha ... what? " **

**"On the plane, " he replied staring into her eyes. "What seat were you in? " **

**"I don't remember the number. I don't. I...It was somewhere up front. "**

**A flash of spinning and whirling in the air rushed into her head. There was rumbling and screaming. It came to her all at once and she heard it spill out of her mouth. **

**" They were all dead. The rest of the plane... I don't know where it went. The plane was going the wrong way. Someone said it was going the wrong way. " **

**The image of the cockpit flashed in her mind. It was dark and the odor of death was stifling. She could hear the metal bending and breaking. The facemasks fell from the overhead lights and luggage was soaring through the air. The wind was sucking at everything as the body of the plane ripped off from behind. **

**Looking into his face, she saw recognition. "You ... You've seen it! You know what I'm talking about, don't you? " **  
**His face muscles tightened, but he did not respond. **

**"We were going home. We were going home because they found my brother. They found him, he was in ...they had... some men took him, they tortured him. " **

**"What are you talking about?" Jack scanned her face intently. **

**"My brother. Henry. He was in Iraq. They got his whole. I don't know, all the men he was with. They tortured them. They tracked us in Australia and told us. My mother and me. We were going back home to ... to... to California. He was gonna be there." **

**He paused as his eyebrows turned in and he shot a glance over to Locke who returned his glance with one of recognition. Sarah watched them curiosly. Was something she said familair to them ?**

**" So. " Jack continued. " Your brothers name was Henry ? " **

**She looked up with a weak gaze. Oh no, she had said the wrong thing again. She did worse than stumble on her words, she choked on her own thoughts. She was beginning to realize that nothing she said was going to satisfy them. Her face flushed as she glanced downards and nodded, fighting back her emotions. **

**Locke started to speak "You know Jack… maybe..."**

**Locke was interrupted by another question. ****"And what was your mother's name? " **

**The question did not come from Jack.** **Jack and Locke turned their heads, but Sarah was afraid to look. Fear had gripped her as soon as she recognized the voice. She turned to Sayid. He approached them without taking his eyes off her. Jack and Locke watched him as he steadily made his way directly in front of her. He squatted down until he was eye level with her. She looked down, but he grasped her chin in his hand and held her face up to his. All she could see was his deep penetrating brown eyes. Eyes that seemed to look right through her**.

**"Your mothers name." His grasp was so firm that it pressed her cheeks into her teeth.**

**"What was your mother's name?" **

**He'd shaken her without much effort and she blurted out between her teeth and his fingers. "Helen. Her name was Helen. "**

**In his face, she could see a quiet anger. Not a silent one. One that lived right behind his eyes. It was piercing her with frightening intensity. How she wanted to look away from it. He held her face towards his as he continued. "I'm from Iraq ... did you know that? " **

**She could feel the tremors growing from deep in her stomach. It reached the base of her spine and crawled up her back. She could not control it. Soon her whole body was shaking. It made its way out of her mouth as she spoke in a terrified whisper. **

**"No. " **

**"I believe you do." He studied her face with pointed calculation waiting for some response. It was the same fear she gave him back. **

**"I am from Iraq, and do you know what I did there? " His expression never changed. It was straight-faced and hard. **

**"Do you?" **

**"No." She knew that whatever she had said, it as wrong. **

**"No." Was she still breathing?**

**"I tortured people." His eyebrows rose almost smugly. "Oh yes. I made them talk. They told me whatever I wanted to know. Quite a coincidence ... don't you think? "**

**"I ...I…"**

**She trembled in her seat not able to look away from him. Honestly, she didn't even know there was an Iraq or that there was a war. With this in mind, she knew that she had only made him angrier. And an angry man is capable of anything. He continued in a hardened tone.  
**

**"You're brother was tortured by Iraqi's. Here I am, an Iraqi who tortured people for a living. Quite a coincidence, indeed. "**

**She had not been able to stop her eyes from filling with tears. Now her nose was wet as well. She found herself wishing she'd just died out there in the jungle. Wishing she hadn't run from that thing out there - whatever it was. Wondering if she had stepped on the trip-wire if that would have done the trick. He rose and moved in closer as he tortured her with his words. **

**"I'll make you tell me everything alright. And when you lie, I will know it. "His face was almost on top of hers now and his breath was hot against her skin. The one hand grasping her jaw and the other bracing against the back of the chair. Leaning in, his voice was low and barely audible, but chilling.**

**"I WILL know." **


	3. Reflections of a Stranger

**Chapter 3 - Reflections of a Stranger **

**A ball was knotting and twisting in the pit of her stomach, tearing at her insides as it rose, building into her chest. Hot moisture formed inside her mouth while her skin grew cold and clammy. Sayid towered over her, leaning into her as he braced himself against the chair. Slowly, he began to spin. Nostrils flaring, she blinked and the spinning was so fast his face became a blur of olive brown. **

**"Please." she begged through pursed lips understanding what was coming. She fought to wrench her face free, but Sayid wouldn't let go. His hand clenched tighter and the ball burned a path up through her chest. There was a sharp pain and a pop in the lining of her cheek and she tasted blood. Sweat beads broke out on her forehead and she wrapped her hand around his forearm. She used her weight against his arm trying to push it to the side while attempting to jerk her head the opposite way. **

**Jack quickly bolted up, his eyes opened with awareness. "Sayid let her go! Let her go now! " **  
**Locke gawked as he looked on at the three of them, then he too stood up with uncertainty. **

**Sayid opened his mouth, but his answer was halted by a spray of vomit that she could no longer withhold. His hand was covered in it. Thick drops of it had splattered on his forehead and lips. **

**He held his grasp, nails digging into her skin. He shut his mouth with his bottom lip pressing up a bit and then closed his eyes. Giving his head a little shake, he opened them again. The possibility of a second round appeared likely. Grimacing, he released her and stepped back. **

**Jack rushed to her. He knelt down next to her. She was shuddered by another wave. She turned to the side, head away from her knees as it spewed from her into the floor. **

**"I'm sorry." She muttered before convulsing again. "It's ok" Jack reassured. "Just go with it, let it out." **  
**His hand was firm between her shoulder blades, the other rested lightly on her knee. Although a rush of embarrassment flooded her mind, she could do nothing but give in to the urge. Soon she had nothing left but dry heaves and those had begun to slow. The last one came with a spat of blood that dropped onto the floor with a disconcerting splat. Jack glanced down at the pink puddle. Deep, clear brown eyes quickly rose and flicked across her face. "Better now?" ** **She looked at him, having some trouble keeping his head still, but he was starting to slow down a bit. "When it stops spinning." **

**"I know. It should be slowin down. "He raised his hand and felt her forehead. "Do you have any pain at all?" **

**She shook her head, raising herself up and leaning into the seat. Her breathing had returned to normal as she responded meekly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to ... I tried to...I didn't mean it. " **

**There was the tiniest smirk on his face. "I'm sure it's not the first." **

**"Ok, tell me if this hurts. " he pressed around her stomach. **

**"No. It doesn't hurt. " **

**"No pain anywhere? " His concerned look worried her.**

**"No, but…" **

**He sighed, and then studied her face. "I just wanna have a look, open your mouth." **

**She pressed her lips together and raised her eyebrows. Even though she began to understand, she submitted with reluctance, as he pressed her tongue down with two fingers. Before he asked her to say "ah", he gave a nod of satisfaction knowing that she had not vomited blood. ** **He glanced behind, but Sayid wasn't there anymore. He had stormed off in anger and disgust leaving the three of them behind. Jack scanned her face. **

**"Does that hurt?" he asked. **

**She shot him a confused look then realized he meant the shredded lining of her cheeks. "Not much." **  
**He glanced down, and shook his head. "Locke, could you?" **

**Locke got up and then returned with mop and bucket in hand. **

**"Oh no. "She argued." I should … I should clean that. " **

**She stood up slowly. Hands on her shoulders, Jack steered her away from the mess. **

**"We've got it." **

**She thought he was taking her back to the cot, but he detoured. Though Jack seemed to be the calm one - between he and Sayid - this being herded down a dim hallway did not appear to be a positive thing. She wondered what else could be in store for her today? **

**He led her to an open door. Beyond it was what looked like a bathroom with a shower in the back. Oh, the bathroom. This was the first day she felt clearheaded enough to recognize it. All the other times, she was groggy and had not paid any attention to where she was going or how she had gotten there. **

**" I'm going to stay here at the door. " He said. " Over on the sink, there's some clothes. Take your time, you can shower and change. "**

**She looked back at him curiously. He gave a nod toward the door, so she followed his direction. After the past couple of hours, she thought it best if she were as cooperative as possible. She certainly did not want to turn down even a semi kind gesture. **

**The shower was inviting and when it was hot enough, she stepped into it letting it wrap itself around her. It poured over her hair and face. She closed her eyes and lifted her face, letting the water hit full force. She carefully washed her hair, though she was certain he said it would not be a good idea. The wound was still sore and tender. **  
**When she was finished, she reached for the towel hanging over the toilet. She towel dried her hair first and then her body. The towel was soft and warm from the steam. It felt good to be clean. **

**She touched the pile of clothes. She saw a few different colors, mostly plain. Looking through them, she wondered where they came from? Were there women in the group as well? Whoever picked the clothes was thorough. Not only were there a few pairs of jeans and a variety of tops, but there were also undergarments. ****The sports-bra was the obvious choice. She found a pair of loose fitting jeans and a pale blue tank top that worked fairly well. Her old clothes heaped beside the shower. A tattered, shabby pair of cargo shorts topped with a dirty blue and white striped T-shirt. **

**There was a mirror above the sink. Slowly she turned to it. She looked down at her feet and thought about it momentarily. Then taking a deep breath, she turned her head up to the mirror. It reflected the smooth face of a woman in her mid 20's. Warm hazel eyes. A trace of Sayid's fingerprints remained on her skin. Her damp hair fell just past her shoulders, but the drier strands revealed hints of bright chestnut. One chunk of white streaked down the front, following the jaw line, and trailing off into a curl at the end. **

**She stared into the mirror for some time. Her reflection also revealed a sadness and fear. It was the face of a stranger. It was as if her hand acted of its own volition when it reached out and touched the silvery pool. Her fingers traced her reflection, studying every detail. Then she ran her hands across her face and through her hair. ****The last few drops of moisture dripped from the showerhead. Her eyes began to brim over. She closed them, but her bottom lip quivered. Soon her hand was over her mouth and nose as she sobbed quietly. She lowered herself to the toilet. Curling her legs up to her chest, she put her head between her knees and hot, salty tears tumbled down. Her arms wrapped around her ankles. **

**Confusion and uncertainty swept over her and she gave in to it in the unsettling stillness. **

**Where was she?**


	4. Catch 22

**Chapter 4 - Catch - 22 **

**" Sarah. Are you alright in there? " The sound of Jacks voice startled her. **

**_Sarah?_ Oh, right... Sarah. Wiping her face and nose with the towel, she stood up and took another glance in the mirror. Her face was blotchy, but it'd have to do. She splashed a handful of cool water on it and dabbed it dry. **  
**Gazing into the mirror she raised a corner of her mouth and shrugged, " _I guess I look like a Sarah._ " **

**She drew a long, deep breath and let it out with a puffy sigh. She knew she would walk out of the solitude of this quiet room to face more intimidation and probing. She would give them answers to questions she wasn't fully certain of herself. It was a loosing game. If she gave them no answers, she looked guilty of something. If she gave them answers, she couldn't prove she was telling the truth anyway, so she would still appear to be lying. **

**_A bit of a catch 22. _**

**Jack's knuckles were inches from the door when she came out. He scanned her as he moved out of the way. **

**" Thought maybe.. " He said. She looked up at him and he cut himself off in mid - sentence. " I see you went ahead and got that wound wet anyway. Well, we'll need to redress it. " **

**" I'm sorry. " She answered, her eyes to her feet. **

**He said nothing as he began to lead her back. Voices from ahead interrupted her thoughts. She recognized Locke's voice but the other was different. Being that they were speaking low, neither one was clear, although the mystery voice evoked a strange sense of anxiety. Jack slowed their pace and it became clear that he was stalling. She scrunched her face pondering the thought. It was a weird paradox. They were suspicious of her, but yet they were obviously hiding something. ****He must have sensed her curiosity as he prodded her forward. There was a creaking noise and the faint slam of a door. It startled her a bit. **

**" Must have been Locke. " he said. **

**He led her to the booth. There was a light odor of some kind of cleaning solution. Jack pulled out supplies for a redressing from the cabinet a few feet away. **

**" It's healing good. " he said. She felt a tugging as he re fixed a dressing to the back of her head. " Give it a week and we'll get those stitches out of there. "**

**She smiled halfheartedly, gazing once more at her new prison and feeling the heaviness of a dark gloom over her head. She couldn't help wondering what would happen to her. _What their plans were for her._ **

**Her gaze trailed off to the floor , although it was clean now, she envisioned the pink glob of vomit. Sayid looked pretty angry. It would have been laughable if the situation were not so grim. There he was with vomit dripping from his hands and big globs of it all over his face. His expression was unforgettable. **

**She feared retribution. He, if anyone would certainly be more than happy to make her feel, shall we say - 'uncomfortable.' **

**" Sayid's gonna be angry. " The words slipped out of her mouth. She really did not mean to say it aloud, but it was getting pretty difficult to keep her thoughts to herself. **

**" Probably. " Finishing up, Jack placed the first aid supplies back in the cabinet. When he turned around, she noticed a softer expression on his face. " It wasn't your fault. "**

**She blinked back a few tears. Finally a glimmer of kindness. This place, whatever it was did not carry much forgiveness or understanding, it seemed. She took the piece of kindness and held onto it. **

**Jack situated himself in the chair as before. There was an uncomfortable silence. She eyed the door across the way. He didn't glance back this time. **

**His eyes were steady as he looked on her. He seemed to be figuring her out the way one would put together a puzzle. She gazed on his scruffy face, and found a familiarity there. Something that she could not explain. Could she trust him ?**

**" Can I ask a question? " The words were out faster than she could regret saying them. **

**Tilting his head, he answered " Okay. " **

**She folded her arms in her lap and leaned on them. " What are you gonna to do with me ? "**

**He passed a hand over his head and then held it at the nape of his neck. "Well, ah ... that's a fair question. " **

**His indirectness left her even more unsettled. He looked as perplexed as she was. He did not know and that scared her even more. She leaned back in her seat, with her hands in her lap, glanced down at them and then spoke. **

**" You believe I'm one of ... them ... An ... other ? " **

**There was an almost pitiful quietness in her voice as she nervously toyed with her hands. She continued timidly. **

**" If I were one of them …. I would lie. I guess. "**

**His expression was difficult to read. He leaned back in his chair, arms crossed over his chest, watching her. There was that insect look again. **

**She noted his expression with disappointment and went on. **

**" But ... if I'm not...it doesn't matter, I couldn't prove it. How could I ? What could I possibly do or say ? So, I may as well be one of them. Because if I'm not, you'll still believe that I am. " **

**Exasperated, she propped an elbow on the back of the seat and rested her head there, wondering why she couldn't have just remained quiet and not said anything at all. She knew that she appeared more suspicious with nearly every word. **

**" IF ? " He spoke up. **

**She raised her eyes to his. " Sorry ? " **

**He leaned forwards, one arm resting along the edge of the table, gazing directly into her eyes. **

**" You keep saying ' IF I'm not one of them ' almost as if you don't know yourself. " ****He tilted his head as though he were catching her in her own words. **

**" Wouldn't you know ... ' IF ' you were. "**

**She closed her eyes and dropped her head. Biting her bottom lip, she struggled to look up at him. Her eyes brimmed with emotion, she blinked trying to hold it back. What could she say ?**

**" I'm afraid. " she spoke in all but a whisper, swiping her cheek with her fingers. " And I don't know what I'm supposed to say. How to answer. " **

**" Just the truth. " He replied. _The truth_. She sighed. How could she tell him something she didn't know. It was too late anyway. She had already blurted out her version. **

**" Look, why don't we try establishing a little trust here? " He offered. " There's always someone around, so you won't be alone. As long as you cooperate, you can stay in here, go where you want . You can go to the bathroom, take a shower without being escorted. But you stay in this area, nowhere else. When one of us asks you to do something, cooperate. You do that, and then we'll see where we go from there. Does that sound fair to you? " **

**She nodded like a child being reprimanded by a parent. **

**" There's one more thing " **

**She raised her eyes. **

**" I need to know you and your mothers last names. " **

**It seemed somewhat easier now. " Ford. Helen and Sarah Elizabeth Ford. " ****She had given him middle names as well. More than what he asked for. **

**" Well now! " A tall man with sandy hair strode in. " You do attract the pretty young thangs, Doc. Any chance you'd ever be willin to share? Maybe we could play a little cards. Make a wager? "**

**There was a crooked smile on his face, with deep set dimples on either side of his mouth. Ruddy complexion, hair in his face. He carried himself a bit in caveman style. Expressive blue eyes that twinkled when he spoke. **

**He shot an interested glance her way. " Howdy Stripy. Gotta name? " **

**She glanced back and blinked …this was ... different. **

**" Sawyer " Jack said matter of factly. " Did you want something ? " **

**Whoever this new guy was, he clearly annoyed Jack and appeared to enjoy it as well. " Oh hell yea, I want everything. Thought' cha knew. " **

**Jack pressed his lips together, put his hand squarely on Sawyers shoulder and pushed him over to the entrance. **

**" Hey, hands off Quasimodo. " Sawyer said as he threw his hands in the air. **

**The impatience in Jacks voice grew. **

**" Look, do you need something? Is there a reason you're here, or did you just need to get your daily pain in the ass fix ? " **

**" Yea I got a reason. " He cut his eyes over to the booth. **

**" Well..? " **

**He gave an irritated snort. " Freckles needs ya. That guy, the one with the big ass mole, he stepped on somethin. " **

**Jack glanced over his shoulder towards Sarah. Sawyer continued his attempt at persuasion in a near desperate tone. **

**" She's just gonna send me back or come herself. Even if we're on the blacklist. "**

**Jack shook his head. " The what? " He walked a few feet and called for Locke. **

**Sawyer smiled crookedly and answered. **

**" I can stay an' watch the girl for ya, if that's what'cha need. " **

**Jack completely ignored him. **

**" Hey Locke !" he shouted. Locke appeared from another area of the hatch. Jack filled him in on where he would be and instructed him to keep an eye on Sarah. Locke nodded and then glanced at her unassumingly. He made his way to get a bottle of water while Jack and Sawyer turned away to leave. Sarah watched them listening to their voices trailing off. **

**" I coulda done it. " Sawyer insisted.**

**Then Jacks irritated tone followed as he observed. "That's really why you came, isn't it? You're a true hero. " **

**Sawyers cynical tone was unmistakable. " Oh, now . I couldn't take your place, Doc. "** ****


	5. Eighteen Days

** Chapter 5: Eighteen Days **

**Sarah bolted upright in her cot; heart pounding in her chest, and flicked her eyes around the dark and quiet hatch. She brushed the wetness from her eyes as her breathing slowed. It was merely a dream - _a nightmare_. She was safe. As safe as someone could be at least - _given the circumstances._ She got up and scrounged around for something to drink.**

**She discovered a bottle of water near the kitchen area. She grabbed it. Looking around, she headed towards the big sort of beige/yellow couch. Behind it was the metal door. She sank down into the couch staring out into the room. **

**She had found the cockpit after a few days of wandering the jungle. It lay, turned over on its side. The hull was shredded when it was apparently severed from the rest of the plane. Her search for survivors proved to accomplish nothing but turn her stomach. Bodies lay strewn across the inside. The odor of rot immense. As she stumbled out coughing and gagging she was resolved, if there were anything to salvage, it would remain un salvaged A blotch of dried red bloodstain decorated the pilot's front window. Finally, as the proverbial icing on the cake, one odiferous, and decaying body hung out of a shattered side window. **

**Though she would not be able to go back inside, she had hoped that someone would come searching. If at least she remained close, then they would find her. This seemed like a fair plan. As good as any other. Besides there was no one else around to come up with an alternative. She picked a spot near the wreckage, where the scent of decay was faint, as a sleeping area. A clear patch of grass which was soft, with no rocks under it, covered over with shady under brushes. **

**The first night, she had slept uneasily, tossing and turning. Strange images ran through her head. Mangled faces, bright lights bouncing off pieces of metal. The sounds were even more disturbing. Whirring and clanging. She woke up several times, having to coax herself back to sleep. She pacified herself with the hope of rescue. **

**When tomorrow dawned, no one came. No one was there, apart from the dangling body, to greet her good morning. Morning faded into afternoon, afternoon melted into evening. The evening brought the night creatures. She could hear them somewhere out there. Reassuring herself one more time, she closed her eyes and thought about how nice a warm bed would feel. It never occurred to her how difficult it would be to do so. Thinking of a warm bed should be comforting, but it brought her nothing. She did not feel comforted nor reassured and this was very unsettling. **

**She woke up midday, all sticky from the leftover morning dew. She had eventually drifted off not by thinking about the bed, but by wondering why she could not remember it. Her head throbbed as she sat up. A handful of berries lay at her side and she munched on them while slowly rising to her feet. **

**The sun was bright and warm. Her lips were rough now and her throat dry and sore. The moisture in her mouth felt like cobwebs. She decided to venture a little deeper in the jungle, on a fruit hunt and possibly finding water. **

**Carefully making her way through the brush and weeds, over grass and twigs, her feet were a bit raw and tender. _Who would trek through the jungle without shoes ? _She would have thought that it made no sense, but then nothing did thus far anyway. Why should she expect anything else to ? Maybe her shoes flew off. Maybe someone took them. Her shoes ? She shook her head. Whatever. It was pointless to try to figure out the how and why … she was here. She had to think about how to survive. _Somehow._ **

**Recognizing the cool wetness on her neck, she reached behind her head and winced. She was bleeding again. It was time to rest for a bit. She lowered herself down, leaned against a large tree, closing her eyes, and found herself relaxing. She woke up sticky in the dew once more, the rising sun warming her face. It was morning ? She had slept through until the next day. Sitting there, propped against the tree trunk, she glanced down and spied a bit of color. A ripe mango. Finally, something other than berries to eat. She picked it up and examined it. Plain fingernails were not going to get the job done if she wanted to pierce the skin. **

**She was on the hunt for something - a sharp rock maybe? - when she noticed a clearing ahead. The unmistakable sound of water not far beyond it. She stepped out of the cluster of trees into the clearing to a clear stream running its way through the middle. Sunlight bounced off the ripples like little twinkling lights. She denied herself none of it. Leaving her clothes and the mango behind, she slowly immersed herself in the cold, sweet water. She dunked herself. Rising up, she drank handfuls of it.   
**

**After slipping back into her clothes, she rummaged the area for a rock. Thankfully, this spot teemed with them. A jagged one lie just a foot or so away. Moments later, she was biting into the sweet pulp. She savored it. She perched on a large rock and worked at the mango. Bubbling ripples of water carried stray leaves down stream. The sun was warm and bright with clear blue skies and a cool breeze flirted with her hair. For a little while, the world seemed right again. **

**Happy feelings just do not ever last long enough. She was gazing out into the trees when she spotted something strange. Staring up, she stood and slowly crept forward, shielding her eyes from the sun. She gasped. Hanging across the top of a large tree was a mangled body. It was unrecognizable, being decayed and picked off by who knew what kind of animals. **

**This was creepier than the bodies in the nose of the plane. She shivered. _How did something like that happen?_ **

**Taking the rock with her, she decided to make her way back to the plane. The path back seemed shorter than when she left, minus the extra sleep. It was dusk and she was growing tired, but she managed to reach the cockpit without much difficulty. Approaching it, she noticed something different. It was in the same place, and it still reeked of decaying flesh, which made her nearly gag again. Yet, there was something else. Something ...where was the body that hung out of the side ? _It was gone !_ She swallowed and stared. **

**There was a noise. A low guttural sound. Then a creaking from inside the plane. As quietly as she could, she cautiously drew closer to get a look; hoping whatever was in there would not see her first. Without warning, a shrill screech and deep grunts startled her as six red eyes glared out of the darkness. Three large brown boars tumbled out. **

**She shrieked. She shrieked loudly though the boars were not interested in her. They were too busy scuffling over a chunk of flesh they had dragged out of the wreckage. One would get it and then run a few feet only to get it ripped from its mouth by another. This continued fighting until they disappeared into the greenery.. **

**Breathing heavily, she stood for a while. Then, as if loosing all her faculties, she laughed. There, before her was a death pit, a mass grave of both flesh and steel with giant pigs fighting over it as if it were a buffet. She had just seen a body hanging from the top of a tree, now she was standing in the middle of the jungle, barefoot with a big gash in the back of her head, laughing.   
**

**Her laughter subsided when she discovered a second corpse leftover, dangling out of the gaping hole of the cockpit. **

**The next day was overcast. This was about the fourth day since she found the cockpit and about the seventh day since waking up in the jungle and discovering her head wound. She eyed the plane but felt assured upon noting that the corpse had remained over night. She stood up and stretched. It was nice that this time she had slept almost soundly. She took another walk to the waterside, only to get a good drink of it. **

**As she filled her cupped hands and drew long gulps, her eyes drifted to the top of the tree. **

**_The body was gone!_ She approached it with calculated steps. Boars cannot climb. She heard a rustle and jerked around. Her eyes flicked across the area. A blur passed somewhere ahead, and then an eerie sound followed. One that was indescribable. A howl ? Something like enormous feet pounded the ground straight in her direction. It was after her.**

**She twisted around and darted off. She ran for quite a while until she was dizzy. A light drizzle came down in a wet blanket. She hid in a grove of bamboo. With staggered breathing, she counted instinctively. **

**" One... Two … Three ... Four... Five. " **

**The fear was not gone completely, but she was able to think now. She had no idea how far she had run or which direction the plane was. Worse yet, she did not know where the water was. **

**Sayid caught her seven days later, after she had wandered around searching for more mangos and water. All she ended up with were berries and those damned coconuts. The wound on her head was getting increasingly painful and she felt weaker. Her nights had become all the more restless as she dizzily tossed and turned shivering in both a hot and cold sweat. She supposed it was fate that brought Sayid in her path before she was killed by the monster or pulverized by the bag of boulders set by this Danielle person. **

**Sitting on the couch, there in the hatch, she sipped the last bit of water. At least she didn't have to wonder where or how she would find water now. She was sheltered, with food and water. **

**And for what it was worth … she had a bed.**


	6. Bait

** Chapter 6: Bait **

**Having woken up bright and early, Sarah lie on the cot staring at a gray ceiling; listening to the water drip, drip, dripping. Locke was the first one to pass by her today. He peeked in and saw that she was awake. He said, "Good Morning " gave her one of his half-smiles and tossed her a book - _which she had not bothered to open yet_. The Brothers something or other. She was not being ungrateful, but currently, the past time of reading just did not appeal to her. **

**Startled by a movement in the corner of the room, she jerked herself up and discovered a man with white hair standing at the foot of the cot. She sat frozen with her back to the wall gawking at him. He looked to be in his fifties, possibly early sixties, wearing a suite and tie, salt and peppered hair slicked back. Long face, high cheekbones. He was staring at her through small brown eyes under graying eyebrows. **

**Without a word, he turned and began to walk away. She blinked, thinking he was just a mental apparition or some remnant image of a dream. She discovered, however, that no amount of blinking made him disappear. She stood up with uncertainty and followed him. She stepped lightly, one foot in front of the other, stopping short of the eating area. She had detected voices arguing softly ahead. **

**Sayid had not come to visit for a couple of days - _she certainly did not miss him_. It was easier for her to deal with Jack, albeit she knew that ultimately they were both after the same thing. Although just admitting to being an other might have appeared to be the simple way out, she knew this would not settle the issue. If she confessed to being an other, then there would be other questions. **

**Where were they? Who were they? How many were they? **

**_Questions like that_. The interrogating and the intimidation would only increase until it came down to plain old-fashioned torture. **

**She could see them now, Jack sitting staunchly in the booth while Sayid stood over him glaring, his hands gripping the back of the chair where Jack had previously sat. A familiar knot twisted in her stomach when she heard that strange accent. What would he do to her this time? Cut her fingers off one by one? He would be looking for retribution for vomiting all over him. She rolled her tongue inside her cheek. Something told her that she would be tasting more blood sometime in the future.**

**"Jack, how long do you think you can keep this up? Eventually they will know. " Sayid demanded in a controlled but confronting tone. **

**"Until we can get the truth out of one of them, at least." Jack responded, his voice mirroring his frustration. He jerked his head up and met Sayid's glare with a firm stare. "What do you want me to do, Sayid? Do you have any better ideas? Cause I'm fresh out. " **

**There was a silence as they stared at each other, neither willing to back down. Then Jack blew out a puff of air and released an empathetic response.**

**"Look, I get it" He said. "I just think you're too close and too emotional."**

**With hands closed tightly, Sayid ground his teeth together while slowly turning his head side to side, and then drew his mouth up in disgust. "Fine!" He snarled, throwing his hands in the air, sharply scraping the legs of the chair against the floor "… you deal with her then!"**

**Sarah had timidly entered the room. Nostrils flaring, Sayid turned and noticed her there, his eyes slanted to a threatening squint as he stuck a hand out gesturing to her and snorted angrily. **

**"Don't let her fool you. Everything she has told you up until now has been a lie. " **

**She glanced down with a flushed face. Sayid shook his head, turned and left abruptly. **

**She watched him, feeling both fear and relief. It would not even matter if Jack were there or not. It was obvious that he said this more for her benefit than Jacks. He wanted her to know that he would still be watching. When he decided it was over, Jack would not be able to control him. She almost wanted it. Wanted him to just end it. No more fear pressing into her head, twisting and turning deep in her belly. No more pressure in her brain trying to think on her feet. **

**_The idea was almost inviting._ **

**Jack remained in his seat at the booth, calculating her response. Though she could see the questions in his eyes, she noted something else there as well. Something behind the mistrust that seemed to want to believe her. Something that for whatever reason drew her back from her self -destructive thinking. **

**"Is that true?" Jack asked her point blank. **

**A long pause followed. She remained standing there with a pained expression. _Which part?_ She thought.**

**Standing there, vulnerably, arms to her sides, she knew that Jack had opened his mouth, but something else had commanded her attention. The white-haired man had approached and planted himself a few feet behind Jack. He smiled, holding a finger up to his mouth and then leaned his back against the wall, crossing his ankles. She noted the smile to be more of a smirk. He propped his elbow on his folded arm and rubbed his chin. **

**Sarah cocked her head studying him with curiosity. He smiled again and looked up. _Why is it that when someone looks up, everyone else repeats the action - regardless of if there's something to see or not._ She turned her head upwards, almost to the ceiling. There was something up there, however. Something very lightly outlined. It was multicolored. Pink, blue and white lines? She recognized the shape. It was the shape of the drawing on the cereal box. ( That was rather odd. ) **

**She was jolted back to reality by the persistent snap of Jacks finger, followed by a wake up whistle. He waved his hand at her. "Hello?" **

**Sarah blinked and shook her head, the white haired man had literally disappeared. Jack was staring at her with eyebrows raised. "Are you just trying to distract me here? Or what? " **

**With a quick glance over his shoulder, she responded hesitantly. "I saw something … but I think it was a mouse ... or something." **

**She sucked in her lips. What a reply! A mouse that climbs walls! She was slipping. She could have said a lizard. A fly, or spider, even a creepy looking beetle. Instead, it was a mouse that climbed up the wall and scampered on the ceiling! **

**"Have a seat" Jack prompted, ignoring her. He rose and gestured for her to sit. **

_**Guess its time to cooperate.**_** She mused to herself as she slid into her spot. **

**As soon as she was settled in, he sat a paper plate before her filled with a slab of meat, chips and placed a bottle of water there as well. **

**"It's ah ... Boar. "He gave a tiny snicker and raised his eyebrows cynically. " Seems to be plenty of them around here. Locke was out hunting them all day yesterday. " **

**Ah, Locke was a hunter. This was something she would later ponder, but for now, she could not tear her eyes from the contents of the meal Jack had presented to her. In fact, her eyes were glued to it. What an odd, but disgusting coincidence. _Was he a mind reader_ ? The mental recording of boars running through the jungle, yanking pieces of meat out of each other's mouths, rolled in her mind. She could smell the decay even now and cringed.**

**The whole cycle was rather twisted. This boar probably dined on human flesh, and now a hunk of it lay before her to graze on._ A big thick hunk of it actually._ The hunter becoming the prey and the prey becoming the hunter. The oh too familiar nausea returned. **

**She was not sure how long she had been gawking at it, but it must have been too long. Jack was giving her an expression that said she should probably take a few bites. Nodding and smiling, she eyed it as if it were bad medicine. She managed to force down some of it. Salty and warm, it was a bit rubbery. The chips and water followed behind at great speed. _She was thankful for the chips and water. _**

**She lie awake that evening in her cot with a melody running in her mind. Soft, slow and sad, she let it play in her head. _ Starry Starry night, paint your palate blue and gray, look out on summers day, with eyes that know the darkness in my soul._ **

**And when she took a trip to the bathroom, she hummed it as if it were an old friend. Upon returning, she was startled when she bumped into Locke. She quickly backed a couple of steps away, smiled shyly and apologized, gazing into his clear blue eyes. He was the quiet one. He had not interrogated her since her arrival. Yet, she was certain that he had paid attention to everything she said and every answer she gave. He was taking it apart in his mind. **

"**That sounds like a song I used to know. " He observed and then spoke reminiscently. "A long time ago. " **

**He smiled and then escorted her to her room. She could not help but wonder how someone who appeared so gentle could also be a hunter. It was a conundrum at the least. **

**She glanced over at the book sitting on a nearby table. She would have picked it up, but her eyes strayed out to the open area. The hatch was quiet. Locke had gone to bed, and Jack was somewhere out on the beach, Sayid had not returned since their argument. She thought of her deal with Jack. Technically, she would not be breaking it. She was not leaving the area nor would she be crossing what anyone had asked of her thus far. It was that damned door that had her so curious. No one ever went near it in her presence. She knew the day that she heard voices when she was with Jack and then the door slammed shortly thereafter that it was that door. That very door which was shrouded in such mystery. She was drawn to it without explanation. **

**She rose quietly, sneaking out into the open area. She glanced at the couch, and the eating area, and then down the corridor. Detecting no one, she pursued her sleuthing cautiously, making light footsteps until she was standing a few feet from it. This had to be the door she heard being slammed shut when Jack brought her back from her shower. She knew it then, but was too afraid to address it in her thoughts. No person she had met, since being held prisoner here, matched the voice she heard that day. That voice which sent shivers through her. **

**"Until we can get the truth out of one of them ..." That is what Jack told Sayid. _One of whom? _ Is this what they had been hiding? Could it be behind the door? Just on the other side? **

**She stared at it. There was a round smooth handle, next to it a keypad, which looked to be a lock of some sort. If so, she would never be able to get into it. Nevertheless, as a moth to a flame, she was drawn to it. She stepped softly, warily. The air was so silent and still that she heard her pulse quicken. The door was right in her face now. So close. She reached out her hand, nervously drew it back and then touched the door handle. It made a rattle, which startled her. **

**Then, from behind the door, a voice. An unsettling calm voice called out to her. "Hello?" **

**Startled, her hand jerked from the handle. She gasped, and then covered her mouth jerking her eyes around the room. It was not just a voice that startled her. It was _the voice._ That creepy voice she had heard Locke talking to. That man was right behind the door. **

**He continued to call out to her. "Hello? Who's there? " **

**A lump formed in her throat while she stood unresponsive, cupping her mouth and nose in her hand. Had her heart leapt from her chest? She was silent, listening intently. Frantically glancing back and forth, but frozen in fear - unable to move her feet as the voice persisted. **

**"Is that you?" He said. "Laren?" **

**He called to her as if begging. "Laren ... I know you're there. Answer me! Laren! "**


	7. Hook and Reel

Chapter 7: Hook and Reel

Sarah's mind went blank while frozen, hearing the lone voice calling out from behind the door. Her brows drew downwards in confusion by the effect it had on her. She had touched the door handle only once and then drew back as if she had wrapped it around hot steel. Her breath reduced to sharp staggers. She closed her eyes. No, no ... What was happening to her?

Her mouth formed the numbers yet she had not spoken the words aloud. She turned her head in mid-breath, someone was stirring. Head pounding with her rising pulse, there was one way to escape. She bolted from the door scurrying to her room. When Jack reached her, she was snuggled under the covers with her face turned to the wall. She tried to hold in a staggered breath by closing her mouth, and taking slow, deliberate draws of air through her nose. He came near the bed and pulled the cover up over her shoulder. She felt his eyes on her. He sighed softly.

She listened and when he walked away, she rolled over to the other side studying his figure by the door. His hands working at the combination. Right, left then right. The door came open, and Jack disappeared behind it. She pulled her head over the edge of the bed towards the doorway, listening.

"Keep it down, Henry." Jack said in a mumble. "I don't really wanna gag you, but I will if I have to."

"Do what you need to do, Jack." Henry replied.

She caught sight of Jack's shadow pulling out of the room thus, she nestled her head into the pillow and closed her eyes to a sliver. Through the sliver, she could make out the outline of Jack standing a few feet away. She pondered. Why he was there instead of Locke. Had they switched shifts? She had been there long enough to learn their patterns. She knew who would be standing guard at nearly every hour by now. She thought it curious that Jack would change shifts in the middle of the night like that.

Considering this odd event, her thoughts strayed to the man behind the door. The proverbial _man behind the curtain,_ and found herself stunned by yet another strange coincidence. His name was Henry. She mulled over the mere chances of that. Sayid had been right. She pulled Iraq out of her head without any knowledge of whom he was or where he was from. She briefly toyed with the idea that perhaps she was a mind reader who was unaware. She chuckled at the concept as she drifted into slumber, smiling herself to sleep.

Morning came quicker than she would have liked. She had tossed and turned in her bed, her mind swarming with thoughts and theories. Picturing what sort of man this Henry might be. Wondering if he were one of the "_others _"Jack and Sayid spoke of so often, or someone who was innocently caught in the crossfire, with no way to prove otherwise.

She opened her eyes to music floating in the air. She rose and placed heavy feet on the floor, making her way out into the open room. She found Locke making use of the workout area. He was aggressively whirling the pedals around on a stationary bike. The top of his baldhead gleaming from the sweat, he appeared to be in good shape for a man of his age.

She studied him breifly, and then walked her way over to the record player. She watched it spin with a small amount of interest that waned quickly, turning her attention to a more fascinating object. A tall closed in glass shaped like two cones melded together and filled with water. A blob of red liquid twisted and turned into various shapes within it.

"Lava lamp. " Locke said. She turned and saw that he had stopped peddling. He stepped away from the bike as he tossed a dry towel around his shoulders. The corners of her mouth turned up in response and she thought she saw the hint of a twinkle in his eyes as he continued. "They were big when I was your age. Now, it's just a big hunk of glass full of water. "

She nodded, noticing the bowl of cereal and bottle of water waiting at the booth. Well, this was getting convenient, she did not need to pour herself a bowl anymore, it just magically appeared on the table. She laughed to herself ... _magically_.

"That's for you. " He motioned with his head in the direction of the table and then added. "You know, you can use any of the equipment if you want. Ride the bike, use any of the weights or anything. "

She replied with "Okay "as she slid into the booth, and began munching on her bowl of dry cereal. She studied the box and resisted the urge to turn and cast her eyes up to where she had seen the symbol on the wall. That strange octagon shape. Was it there? Or had she simply imagined it? It seemed the bigger mysteries in this place had nothing to do with her at all.

"You know, California. " Locke spoke after observing her a bit. "It's very different from the rest of the country. Supposedly, everybody who's anybody lives there. If I had to guess, I'd say you might be from ..."

She swallowed a chunk of cereal and quickly glanced up as her jaw clenched, replying. "I dunno. "

He linked eyes with her, without much of a facial expression and then raised an eyebrow. "You don't know what part of California you're from? "

His tactics were different from Jack and Sayid, both, yet just as effective … If not more so. His words shook her and she grappled for a come back. "I ... moved around a lot. I don't really remember where I'm from originally. "

"I see. " He scooped up the empty bowl and tossed it in the garbage, and then mused with the twinkle returning. "Well, maybe we were neighbors once. Wouldn't that be a small world? "

Her mouth dropped open, but Jack interrupted any further discussion. He scanned her and then nodded to Locke as he greeted them. "Good morning! " He smiled, turning his attention towards Sarah. "Finished breakfast? "

She nodded with a confused look on her face. Jack seemed surprisingly chipper. Almost like someone with a scheme. He tossed her a pair of shoes along with white socks. "Good! These looked like they'd probably fit. "

She took the socks in her hands and stared at him, opening her mouth but then remembered their deal. Keep your head down, do as you are told. _Aye Aye Capt'n. _

After wriggling them into the socks, she pushed her feet into the white sneakers, standing up when she was done. He gave a nod of approval, instructing her as he turned towards the corridor.

"Come on, let's take a walk. Bring the water along. "He gave a sort of 'follow me 'toss of his head. It was not exactly an order, but she obeyed nonetheless. He was leading her through the entrance, where she had seen man in the suite. She could visualize him there, smiling that smirk of a half grin. He was nearly as creepy as the guy behind the door ... _Henry_.

They passed a very disturbing mural. She would have liked to have examined it, though she could not break away from Jacks lead. She did note a few coarsely drawn houses and stick figures that looked like some kind of uncivilized villagers or something and stick fish They reached another door, and then Jack turned to her. "I thought you could use some fresh air. "

He gave her a nudge, as he pushed open the door. Warm air poured in. It caressed her face. She walked out into the sun and smelled the ocean not far away. The green trees and bamboo were swaying with the playful breeze.

Jack was right behind her. "How do the shoes feel? "

"They're a fit. " She replied. Actually, they felt rather funny. Barefoot just seemed more natural. She smiled. Jack looked a little more at ease.

They walked until they reached a space just between the trees. Stepping through, salty air hit her face. Her head swam with emotion when she spied what was before her. Glimmering, white sand melting into sparkling blue and green water, which spread out towards an endless hazy blue sky. To say it was merely beautiful would be an insult. Her entire face brightened. Shielding her eyes with her hands, she gazed out over the water. The waves licked up on the shore, smoothing out the sand. She was overwhelmed by the crashing sound they made. For reasons she did not understand, the depth of it overpowered her and evoked strong emotions from deep within, sweeping through and overtaking her, knotting in her throat, as her eyes brimmed.

"You wanna go sit by the water? " Jack offered.

Unable to speak, she followed him to a spot on the sand near the waters edge. She took off her shoes, and they sat digging their feet into the soft warm sand. The cresting waves smashed onto land and lapped just short of their ankles. She turned to him and spoke. "Can I ask another question? " She gave a good swallow, knowing she may be taking a huge risk, but she felt she had earned something if - at least one answer. "Why does my name bother you? "

Knees drawn into his chest, he lowered his head and blew out a breath. He looked like someone trying to pretend it did not hurt when you stepped on his foot as he replied. "My wife's name was Sarah. "

Small alarms went off in her head. Locke was from California. Jacks wife's name was Sarah. Sayid just happened to be a military interrogator from Iraq. Henry. This was all getting a little too mystical. She came back down to reality when she realized Jack had said his wife's name _WAS_ Sarah.

She glanced back with empathy. "I'm sorry… I didn't know. "

He shook his head, stumbling over his words. "Oh she's not ... She ... we're divorced. There's nothing to know really. "

This was a different side of Jack. She found herself taken aback by his unpredictable vulnerability. She did not know how to behave with this Jack. She thought it wise to end there. This subject was obviously off limits. They sat quietly for some time. Sea birds soared overhead under puffy white cotton clouds. She compared this to something akin to an Oasis in Hades. The place you go when hell was too hot and you needed to cool off before burning up again.

She started to chuckle. Jack gave her a puzzled look. "Oh, I was just… well… I have this theory. "

The hint of a spark of interest was in his tone when he echoed. "A theory. "

She smiled whimsically. "I'm lying on the ground somewhere out there blacked out from the shot to my head. And all of this is just some coma-induced vision. "

Her words amused him. His eyes met hers and then he made an awkward observation. "You have a nice smile. "

She blushed. Leaning her head on top of her knees and smiled a little more.

He continued quite smoothly. "You know, you never said how you got that wound. " She liked how he did that. A passive interrogator. Well, at least there seemed to be a part of him that was easing up on her. A part that may actually believe her. _A part that could easily disarm her._

"I heard this noise… " She began "…this popping noise. I tried to run the opposite way. Then I woke up on the ground with my head gashed open. I didn't know it was a gunshot wound until you told me. "

The conversation ended when Jack suggested they should return to the hatch. Jack pulled on the door and it opened with a disconcerting creak. He let her enter first, and he followed after. Three shadows flickered on the walls just ahead of them. Jack ordered her to remain while he investigated.

She wanted to obey him. She wanted to prove to him that she could be trusted. _Curiosity is such a strong emotion._ She inched closer, trying not to give herself away. She peaked just a little bit around the corner and spied Jack, Sayid, Locke and Henry standing together. Sayid had Henry by the throat. Locke stood wide-eyed. Jack grabbed Sayid's forearm. He spoke in a low growl. "Let him go. "

The muscles in his body tensed up, but he did as Jack requested. He released Henry and Jack grabbed him. She noted Sayid turning in her direction and she quickly retreated. He nearly ran into her making another dramatic exit. Locking eyes with her, he threatened. "I'm still watching you. "

He stormed past her, his hand smacking the door as he forced it open. She gave a grateful sigh, and tried to peak in on them again. Jack said something about the numbers. He was changing them. She saw him scribble something on a piece of paper and hand it to Locke who dropped the paper into the front pocket of his white tee shirt. Jack turned and saw her. She stared back fearfully. "I … I was staying where you said … but then Sayid. "

He blew it off explaining that Sayid was just not in a good frame of mind then he guided her to the booth. Offering her yet another serving of dinner. He grinned mischievously. "You didn't seem to warm up to the boar much. So, I brought fish and chips this time. How's that? "

She received the food eagerly. Fish was a welcomed improvement over boar. _More than Jack knew_. The broiled fish tasted fresh. She finished it, and went at the chips, stopping only for a few gulps of water in between. Locke called Jack in the middle of the meal. He shot a quick smile towards Sarah as he stepped out of his seat. They were beyond eye-range but she heard them murmuring. Locke could not find the paper. Jack said it was no big deal and rewrote it for him.

She listened with slight interest as she got up and took her plate. She was making her way to the trashcan when her foot hit something. It was not something hard but soft. She knew it was there because it slid under her foot- making a scraping noise against the surface of the floor. She looked down and recognized the folded sheet of paper. She looked up and then sucessfully reached for it.

She glanced side to side carefully peeling away the folds. A small shiver of guilt passed through her. She was beginning to warm up to Jack. She was starting to trust him - just a little. She was almost willing to give into the thought that perhaps he was not a bad guy. Just someone wanting to protect his own. The thought of betraying him hurt her. Yet, there was another person - a man - being held just like her. _She had to know_. She just wanted to know. Unfolding the paper, she read the writing …

_Thirteen left, Twenty- Five right, Four left._


	8. Apparition

**Chapter 8: Apparition  
**

**It was all coming together now. Quite creative really. Jack had kept her busy with laundry or going out to the beach while someone else, namely Locke, brought Henry out, and neither of them would be one the wiser. There she had been soaking in the sun, making nice with Jack, unaware of the _other house guest_ - Henry. It was a nice setup ... all except for one small glitch. If she could hear Henry, then couldn't Henry hear her? That was something to consider. She pondered it. _Maybe they wanted him to know. _If she were one of these, _others_ then he would recognize her voice and thus they would gain a bartering chip to sway him. If he did not recognize her voice, it would not amount to much of anything. There were more than just the five she had already encountered. She had only crossed paths with the men, there had to be women ... of this, she was certain. Then again, why go to all that trouble when they could simply just use one to make the other talk? Something seemed off.**

**Sitting in the dark, perched on the edge of the cot, she stared out into the hatch. Curiosity ran through her like electricity. Her fingers slipped idly into her pocket and touched the folded paper as if it were a valuable treasure map. She closed her eyes, sucked her lips in, nodded and then stood. _She could do this. _No one had to know. She would use the combination, open the door and see the man behind it. Nothing to it. She froze after a few short steps and ran a hand through her hair, blowing out a long puffy breath. She could do this - _if she really wanted_. Was itThat man … Henry … was creepy. She did not need to see him to know it. She sensed it all the way to her bones. _Well, I'm not letting him out. _She thought_. I just wanna see him. I just wanna know who's behind there. _She fixed her eyes on Henry's door like someone staring at a haunted house, terrified to go in _and too curious not to_. Henry's voice echoed in her mind. "I_ know you're there Laren." _**

**She had managed to exit her room, and crept into the middle of the floor between the eating area and the door that intrigued her so. Once she crossed that line, she could not go back. If she were caught … _You won't be caught_ … she assured herself. Mentally, she envisioned entering the combination, and opening the door. She was working up her nerve. She squared her shoulders with the intent of taking the final steps forward. Her body, however, was not responding very well to her brain. She could not lift even one foot, better yet, even her toes would not move.**

**_What the hell's wrong with me? _She balked.**

**Her skin tingled with a strange sensation crawling it's way through her body, causing all the hairs on her arms and neck to stand up in prickles. An icy blast of air, unlike anything she could explain, passed through her. She felt it from the inside out and shivered. Shaken by this, she remained still, wishing now that someone would come down, Jack or Locke - she would settle for Sayid even. Someone was in the room with her - watching her.**

**She swiftly flipped herself around and shuddered, letting out a startled yip. The man in the suite stood perched, as he had before, against the blast doors with his eyes resting on her. She drew her hand from her pocket in dread. Did he know what she was doing? Had he been watching her the whole time? Would he call her out? As if a frightened child caught stealing, she stood there with sweaty palms, locking eyes with him.**

**"What are you doing?" The voice evoked a long chilling shriek, as she jerked around, arms flailing. Jack took step backwards, palms in the air. When she had run out of air to scream, she remained facing him with her mouth gaping. His eyes flicked over her for a few seconds while he gathered his thoughts. He looked her up and down and then found his voice.**

**"Ok." He rolled his eyes. "Mice don't bother you but people scare the hell out of you?!"**

**Clearly rattled, she tossed her head as if shaking something loose. She then yanked herself back and forth between Jack and the blast doors. How long had he been standing there? She grabbed her head with fervor and questioned in an exasperated tone. "You don't... you didn't see him?"**

**His face took on a look of perplexity. Tilting his head, part of Jacks upper lip raised, as he closed one eye.**

**"Him ... Who?"**

**She was beyond frantic, rotating herself back and forth between Jack and the blast doors. They were alone. Just the two of them facing each other in the dark. She flipped back to the blast doors. Nothing remained of this ghost man. She persisted desperately nearly stomping her feet in frustration.**

**"H ... he was there! He was right there! "**

**She wandered towards the general area, holding her head with one hand. "How could he be... how could he just disappear? I don't understand. "**

**Bewildered, she could not fathom how he could have come and gone so easily. Jack's presence dissolved into the back of her head, stepping towards the doors warily. Initiating a slow pace between the doors, she began discussing this with herself. She muttered something about seeing things and going insane. Arguing with herself over who this man might be and what he wanted from her.**

**Jack cupped an elbow into his hand while rubbing his chin. She was so absorbed inside this one-person dialog that she did not even hear him suggest she have a seat. Having been amused enough by her antics, Jack stepped out, grabbing her shoulder and flipped her around to face him. She stopped her ranting and stared. "Sit down." He suggested more firmly.**

**She blinked, nodded and then reluctantly had a seat in the booth. _Yes, we must always cooperate._ He offered a bottle of water that she received reluctantly, taking just few sips. She mainly ran her finger over the rim, absentmindedly tilting it and watching the meniscus move around back and forth against the sides. It reminded her of the lava lamp.**

**Locke stumbled into the room with a somewhat annoyed expression on his face. He scratched his head.**

**"Jack, what the hell's goin on? "**

**Jack raised his head and responded. "It's okay. Sarah just had a nightmare. "**

**Locke flicked his eyes between the two of them. "Oh. "**

**He remained there momentarily, studying them, and then turned, making his way back to where he had come. Jack returned his attention to Sarah asking her to explain calmly. She drew a breath.**

**"It's this man." She explained. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. "I thought he was just another person in your group ... or whatever it is. One of your people. "**

**He stared at her freakishly causing her to squirm in her seat. She continued.**

**"I guess I should have known by the suit." She fiddled with the bottle top.**

**Jack scratched his head. "Suit?"**

**She nodded confirmation and responded with further details. "He wears a suit. A suit and a tie. White hair, brown eyes. Kinda thin. "**

**She paused, noting Jack's expression. He was obviously trying to hide the tiniest flicker of recognition in his eyes. More than that, the appearance of this man was clearly unexpected. She leaned forwards, confident that she was not mistaken, and took on a slightly more serious tone. "Jack, who is he? Who is this man? "**

**Jack folded his arms across the table regaining his poker-faced look and answered. "You tell me. "**

**She scanned his face, looking for something. He was hiding something - she was never surer of it. His eyes, however, told her that she would not fair very well in an outright challenge. So, she continued.**

**"I first saw him the other morning. The day you and Sayid were arguing. He was standing by my bed, at the foot of it. I followed him. "**

**Jack nodded and without reservation noted astutely. "The same day you saw a mouse on the wall."**

**Her face flushed with embarrassment wishing she could take back that moment. _A mouse that climbs walls. _**

**"Well..." she laughed nervously. " Yeah … it... wasn't a mouse. You already knew that. A mouse that climbs walls …"**

**His unrelenting stare made her extremely uneasy. Why was he even there? As far as she knew, the only way out of the hatch was through those blast doors, and Jack had not come from there at all. A terrorizing thought crossed her mind. Did he know what she was doing?**

**Jack grew impatient. "Okay, so … you saw him standing at the foot of your bed and then …. "**

**She took the cue and finished. "I followed him. That's when you and Sayid were ... talking. "**

**"He walked over there. " She turned her head to the blast doors. "He leaned against the wall and put his finger over his mouth like he didn't want you to know he was there. Then he looked up. And that's when you saw me look up. That's when I saw it. "**

**"Saw ...?" Jack did not say "what" ... but sticking his head out and raising his eyebrows pretty much said it for him.**

**A look of dismay shadowed her face. "You don't see that either."**

**She lowered her head. "It's a drawing. Like the one on the cereal box. That octagon shaped thing. But instead of a swan, there's a question mark in the middle. There are some markings on it... writings. I can't read it from here. There are lines coming from it out to little squares. There's an arrow ...there's...a... "**

**Her voice faded as she raised her eyes, and noted the blank expression staring back. She had lost him completely. Her heart sank when he opened his mouth and asked. "And, can you see it now?"**

**She turned back to the blast doors. Near the top of them, she saw the pale outlines in pink, white and blue. The writing scribbled on it that she could not make out from that distance. Damn it, she knew what she saw. She was not hallucinating or making it up. Was he playing games with her? Her voice tainted with a fraction of anger when she responded. "You don't? You don't see anything on that wall? You didn't see a man standing right over there when you walked in ? "**

**He ignored her, which drove her batty, continuing with his own interrogation. "You didn't mention any of this before."**

**"I didn't think I would be telling you anything you didn't already know. " She defended. "I thought he was supposed to be here. I thought he was one of yours. "**

**"Just think about this for a minute. " Jack said. "This guy just saunters past me and Sayid without either of us noticing and now he shows up here in the middle of the night wearing a suite … to do what? Point out a drawing on the wall that no one else can see? "**

**She shook her head. "Well, when you put it like that. "**

**"This is what I think. " He said. She flicked her eyes upwards. He must have thought she was lying to cover up the real reason why she was out there. Her stomach churned with anticipation. If this was the case, and he knew she was trying to get to Henry, it could very well be over. She listened while trembling.**

**"You've obviously been through some trauma. You were probably having a nightmare, sleepwalked out here and then woke yourself up when you screamed. "**

**He paused, waiting for her response. She stared, grateful that he had not confronted her about trying to open that door. "I …well. " She said hesitantly. "I suppose that could be true. "**

**"I tell you what." Jack responded, getting up and making his way to what she had so fondly been referring to as Jack's _fix it wall…_ He opened it and retrieved a brown bottle. "I'm going to give you one of these. That'll get you through the night. Shouldn't have any more nightmares. "**

**She begrudgingly allowed him to drop the small white pill into her palm and then she popped it in her mouth, washing it down with a big gulp of water. Her eyes strayed over to the _Henry_ door. Henry would have to be patient. She noticed Jack glance back as well, attempting to be discreet.**

**He accompanied her to the cot. She lay down and he tucked her in, assuring her that the pill would get her sleeping quickly. She stared at him and had a strange feeling. Something about this was comfortable and she did not know why. She stared up into his amber eyes, and for a moment, everything was right. He had remained calm and straight-faced. Like someone who did not want you to know too much about himself, or what he might be thinking at any given moment. Nevertheless, when she talked about the white haired man, his eyes showed something in them. Something behind them. Something painful even. It was something that he himself was hiding, and did not want anyone to know. Had she stumbled upon some deep, dark secret?**

**Jack rose up quietly. She rolled over on her side and tucked her arm under her pillow. Drifting off to sleep she murmured softly. "Muggles. "**


	9. Behind the Door

_**I don't like to preface chapters, but I'd like to here in order to encourage anyone who hasn't read the previous ones to do so before reading this or the following ones. The story builds upon itself through each chapter and if you start in the middle, you miss alot. Hope you enjoy, and review as well ! **_

**Chapter 9 - Behind The Door **

**She slid the paper out of her pocket like butter. Unfolding it, she had second thoughts. Just what _was _Jack doing in the hatch last night? She raised an eyebrow. Regardless of her reservations, that door drew her like a magnet - she knew she could not resist. Her hand trembled. Thirteen left, twenty-five right, four left. The dial clicked upon each turn cycle and then a thump. The door was unlocked. Her imagination beat wildly. _Could it be this simple?_ Pondering this, she flicked her eyes across the hatch and swallowed hard. Holding her breath, she turned the knob.**

**"I have a chore for you today!" Jack announced gingerly as he entered the room.**

**She jerked her head around, obviously startled by his voice. "What?"**

**He smiled quirkily, opening his mouth, but she interrupted. "I'm sorry. I wasn't paying attention. "**

**She had been daydreaming again. Staring at that ridiculous map above the blast doors. _She had decided that was what it looked like - a coarsely charted map. _She had wondered if the small x's were the clues to the treasure (apparently marked by the large question mark.) There were probably more conventional maps.**

**Jack waited for her, carrying a basket of clothes in his tattooed arms. Somehow, he looked out of place. Here was this man with a military haircut, sleeveless shirt with tattoos on his biceps, holding laundry. _Not to mention he was a doctor by trade._** No, not much about Jack made sense.

**"Well, I thought maybe we could find something more useful for ya besides being glued to the wall like that." He jested. "Today is laundry day. The washer's ov... "**

**His voice trailed off as he set a distracted gaze behind her. She drew her eyebrows in. What now? She turned around and there he was in his shiny suite wearing this big grin. She sighed. Apparition man was getting to be annoying. Obviously, his intention was to show her the map. What else could he want? Maybe Jack was on to something. Maybe this was some sort of projection from her own mind. What could she possibly be trying to tell herself? _Wait a minute ...Jack! _**

**She flipped back around. Jack was staring, jaw dropped, toward the blast doors, eyes wide and glazed over. She slowly nodded, pressing her lips together in a gesture of satisfaction. She was not imagining anything nor was she hallucinating. Straightening herself, she met Jack's eyes with a hint of "I told you so " in her voice. "You see him, don't you?"**

**His answer was slow at first, but then flustered as he stammered. "What? I don't know what you're talking about. "**

**"No. "She moved around him and then planted herself just behind his shoulder. Then she pointed at the blast doors. "You _do_** know what I'm talking about. You're not going to stand there and tell me you don't. I turned around because of you. You see him! "

**She turned in a semi circle with her face buried in her hands and hissed out a cry of frustration. What was he trying to do to her? What reason would he have for lying? She looked up for a response, but found something else. An approaching shadow crossing the edge of the doors. Locke casually entered, stopping just under the blast doors - imposing himself right over the man. Now this was an eerie sight. The two of them merging into one figure; the map above their heads.**

**Anyone walking in would have mistaken the three of them for statues. Sarah sighed. Her life had certainly taken a strange twist!**

**"What's goin on?" Locke questioned.**

**Jack shook his head. "Nothing. We were about to do some laundry. "**

**"Uh, yea ..." She said, cutting a sideways glance at Jack. "Laundry."**

**He shot a definitive look at her that said she should not dare utter anything more. He turned towards the washers and motioned for her to follow - which she did, keeping her head down, as a loyal puppy.**

**He was surprised upon learning that she did not know how to run the machine, but instructed her reluctantly. She listened. She paid attention as he directed her to the detergent and pointed out the settings. She heard every syllable. She noticed his somewhat rushed and distant tone. How his jaw tightened. His eyes flicked back and forth. Brows low and concentrated. He had seen the man, and probably the map as well. This brought her both relief and confusion. Why would he deny it?**

**As she shoved each piece of clothing in the washer, she wondered if Henry was having his breakfast. Maybe he was out on the beach as she had been a day or so before. She had not gotten a good look at him then. Sayid and Locke were blocking her view, but she heard his voice and recognized it. That calm and controlled … yet … disconcerting tone.**

**After laundry, Jack served her a plate of fish and chips, which she accepted readily. She ate a little, drank a bottle of water and then propped herself on the cot. Jack had not returned, which meant it would be just she and Locke for a while. Earlier in the day, she had heard a woman's voice, though she had not seen anyone. On the other hand, it could have been just be another apparition - nothing would surprise her at this point. _She would soon regret thinking that. _**

**She watched Locke meander around the dining area, noticing something she had not before. He walked as if he were new to it. Like someone getting their land legs back. She shrugged thinking perhaps she might be just a tad overly observant given her current living quarters and daily activities. Now might be as good a time as any to crack open that book. The deep creases in the binding said that it had been broken in long ago. She studied the cover ... _The Brothers Karamazov_.**

**She was about to turn the page, when she noticed indentations within the paper. She ran her finger lightly across them. A circle with a long line leading to another circle. She walked across the room and grabbed a led pencil. Turning the point on its side, she passed it across the page and marked a thin smudge over it. The drawing came out perfectly. It was a map. It marked the starting point - which in all likelihood was the hatch. Then it traced a path around a mountainous area, up to the spot where the second circle was. The second circle, at the top, indicated the place where the balloon would be.**

**She raised her eyes and found them resting in the direction of where the door would be. She had nothing to link him to it, only the same queasiness in her stomach as when she heard his voice. Yet, the feeling gnawed at her. She could not ignore it. Somehow, they were connected - the map and this man. She knew what she had to do. She did not like it and she had plenty of second thoughts. She needed it do be done and over. It was time to see the man behind the door.**

**She bade her time, waiting ever so patiently for evening. She would be alone then. Neither Jack nor Locke came down often at night. She had been submissive doing everything she was asked to do. She threw in extras as well for good measure. They would assume she had turned in for the night. When everything was quiet and still, she made her move. She crept to the door. She reached for the paper and drew out nothing. Where was it? She searched her pockets without success. Gnawing at her cheek, she eyed the lock. Grumbling to herself, she frowned. No sooner had she resolved to give it up, she raised her eyes to it. The odds near to impossible that she would get it right, she started dialing again. She turned the knob - Left, right, left. She held her breath. She was not dreaming this time.**

**The sound of the door unlocking nearly caused her to yip in surprise. She closed a hand over her mouth glancing to the left and right, then over her shoulder. She didn't have time to ponder what the odds were of her actually successfully cracking a locke that way. Instead, she focused her energy on turning the knob. _This was the moment._**

**He was piled over in the corner like a rag doll, with arms and feet tied together. He was dirty, clothed in dark army green, and gagged with a black clothe. Hair sticking up on his head. At first glance, he was not so threatening. Jack must have gagged him after the night she heard him through the door. When he turned his face towards her, a bolt of fear jolted her. His razor sharp blue eyes pierced through her, making the hairs on her arms stand up. He did not move. Did not try to grunt out a plea for help. He quietly sat there, looking at her. She stood for a few minutes looking right back at him, until she decided her next move.**

**This man was disturbing … scary even. Though she knew this, the moth to the flame feeling caused her to do the unthinkable. She approached him. He watched her, expressionless. Their eyes locked again when she squatted down to his level. She quickly glanced away, then choking down her reservations, reached behind his head and yanked the gag free. He turned his eyes to hers and spoke in a disappointed tone.**

**"You shouldn't have done that Laren."**

**She rose, gawking as he continued. "Is this the price for coming to your rescue? For wanting to bring you back home? "**

**She backed away, eyes wide and mind reeling, knowing she had made a huge mistake. Eyes narrowed, he tongue lashed her.**

**"You let him bait you. You've probably killed us both now. Is that what you wanted Laren? "**

**She shook her head, back stepping towards the door. "What? "**

**Henry's face bore the hint of a knowing smirk. She turned, but did not get far. Jack was there in the doorway, glaring down at her. He squared himself and then spoke in an unattached tone. "Now we know the truth."**

**Feelings of betrayal and shame mingled together within her. Henry was right. Jack had deceived her. How stupid she had been thinking they would carelessly drop the combination on the floor knowing she would find it. Jack had been playing her, baiting her along the way, getting her to trust him. She walked right into it blindly. How stupid of her! How careless!**

**Jack turned to the outside room. "Get her out of there. "**

**Sayid smirked as he reached out and grabbed her. She felt the pinch of his grip as his fingers wrapped around her arm. He yanked her out of the room. Locke pushed the door back into its place and shot a glance over to them.**

**"Sit her over here Sayid." Jack instructed him. Sayid drug her to the booth and shoved her down. There they were - the three of them - Locke, Jack and Sayid. She wondered how much of this had been real - if any. Had they meant for her to overhear the conversation between Jack and Sayid about her and the man? They definitely meant for her to see him that day she and Jack returned from the beach and they meant for her to find the combination to the door. And that is why he was tied. They assumed if she were one of them, she would use the combination, unlock the door and free Henry. But, if he were tied, she could do little to nothing before being caught.**

**Jack sat with both elbows on the table, studying her. "I was hoping you wouldn't do it." He admitted. "I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. Sorry about the games. It was worth it though, to see if we were right. "**

**She sat stiffly staring blankly into space, ignoring his words. He had lied to her. Her heart overwhelmed with feelings of betrayal, she could hardly breathe. Sayid standing by her seat, Jack across from her and Locke on the other side, she was cornered, aware that there was no out this time. She could not run, she could not fight and she could not trust anyone, so she shut herself off. She withdrew into that dark place she had tried to escape. That hopeless void deep within. It frightened her, but it was better than what they had to offer.**

**"So "Jack smirked. "You and Henry have met before? "**

**He could have stared holes through her, but he was wasting his breath talking. She had shut down and no amount of coercion would draw her out. Jack turned his head to Sayid, and then shook it as he puffed out air.**

**"Your people started attacking ours. " He observed. "You can see why we're all a little … edgy. See, here's the thing. That plane ... the one you were on. It had a flight manifest. Remarkably, we have it. Starting to get it now? Remember when I asked your names? Yours and your mothers ? Well, that wasn't just for curiosity. I had hoped you were telling me the truth. "**

**He let his words hang for a moment.**

**" But, you weren't. You've been lying since day one. "**

**He shuffled in his seat.**

**"Guess whose names were not on the list? Mine was. Sayid and Locke's were. "**

**He paused again, but never lifted his eyes off her.**

**"You weren't on that plane. Neither was your so-called mother. I've known that for a few days now. Surprised? "**

**He drew out a long breath and studied her face.**

**"No answer? You're not going to talk to me anymore ..._Sarah?_ " He stressed the name as if mocking her. She stared through him as he talked. She heard his voice, but she did not care what he said.**

**"You wanted to know what we're going to do with you. Well, we don't exactly have a long-term plan. But we can't trust you now, I can't trust you ... not now. "**

**With a nod from Jack, Sayid grabbed her arm, pulling her up from the seat. "You can't say I didn't warn you. I said I was watching you. "**

**She let Sayid yank her up … she did not resist. She let him push her forward through the bunker until they came to a very small, dimly lit room. One single, coverless light bulb protruded eerily from the ceiling. The plain walls were a creamy, almost yellow color. No windows. It looked to be about 6 feet in every direction.**

**As they approached the doorway, something within her broke. The images began to play across her mind again. The stench of a cramped room with cold damp floors. She felt as though something was pressing on her chest, pushing it in. Her palms began to sweat and shivers rippled through her. She found herself struggling against Sayid's grip. She heard herself yelling and screaming without having any control over her own body. The frightened person inside her took over and she became an observer. She managed to free her arms and threw them against the doorway trying to resist. When she could not do that anymore, she flailed them around hitting Sayid in the chest and shoulders.**

**"I can't go in there!" She wailed. "Please, please don't put me in there. I can't go back. Please! "**

**He held onto her. His grip was stronger with each attempt. She begged him to not put her in the room. He gave her a final push and then slammed the door shut. The sound shuddered her. She stumbled back and fell against the wall. Bouncing up, she flung herself against the door proceeding to beat it with her fists, screaming. The walls were closing in on her ... She felt them. She continually flung her body against the door for what seemed like hours. It did not budge nor give way. Her face was hot from exertion. Sweat poured down her cheeks. Her hair became a mangled mess and her fists were sore and raw from the beating. Twisted images ran through her head. Stiff, musky odors filled her nostrils and strange sounds of whirring and metal clashing in her ears.**

**This was nearly as bad as the place in her head. That dark, dingy place. The cold hard place that she feared but could see merely glimpses of in her mind. That place was worse than death. Her screaming dissolved into dry whimpers and her arms lost their strength. Her body slid down across the door as she crumbled down against it. Her sobs echoed within the room. She was certain that she was being punished for something she must have said or done. Death was not good enough. She would spend her life suffering and longing to die, but not ever be relieved. This must be what was happening to her. Lying there, darkness over took her and her eyes closed. And as sleep pushed itself in, hope seemed out of reach and if it were, she would not have had the strength to reach for it.**

**This was fate - behind the door.**


	10. Question Mark

**Chapter 10 : Question Mark **

**Drawn up into the far corner, Sarah hardly noticed the door unlatch. Locke peered from behind it and then slowly made his way in, presenting a plate of food along with a bottle of water. She did not respond. She lie motionless on her side with her knees drawn up to her chin. This was her world now. One filled with nightmares and confusing images.**

**"So," Jack said squatting down in front of her. "You're goin on a hunger strike?" **

**She uttered not even a whimper. Her eyes were focused somewhere far away. The anger and sense of betrayal had faded in the night. What remained was beyond the numbing which over took her hours ago. It was the emptiness that filled her even into the deep corners of her mind. This place was darker than any unlit room. Darker than any night. She was beyond caring what was done to her. If only she had just let that thing in the jungle take her. Just given herself to it and not run away from it. Maybe it would have been quick and none of this would be happening. Jack and Locke murmured something between themselves, took a last glance and then left her brooding in her solitude. **

**She had drifted into a disturbing sleep when a sound began to stir her. A high-pitched noise sharply pierced the muffled sounds of music blaring somewhere in the hatch. She jerked awake, staring at the door. **

**Afterwards, a voice. A woman's voice over an intercom. It was counting. She lifted her head for a moment listening. She sat up but kept still, eyeing the door. Locke and Henry were calling to each other. There was a series of clanging and other sounds she did not recognize. Then a boom and the lights flickered. She jumped to her feet. Pressing back into the corner, her eyes were fixed on the door. Locke began yelling outside. She realized whatever was happening; it was beyond his control. He was just as shocked as she was. **

**"What's going on?" She yelled. "What's happening? Locke! " **

**She began pacing the room, trying to clear her head. She could hear Locke and Henry both yelling between each other. This worried her more than the event itself. She found herself pounding on the door, yelling out to Locke. Warning alarms sounded off. Instinct kicked in and her pulse began to race as her heart beat wildly. She beat the door until no longer tolerate the pain and then she stood facing it with her palm stretched across the smooth metal. Her cheek pressed against the cold surface. She wanted it to open. Needed it to open. She pictured the lock sliding back. **

**She jumped back when she heard the lock unlatch. She waited, but the door did not open. She pondered if maybe she had fantasized the sound. She wrapped her fingers around the knob and turned. Then she pushed and the door creaked as it opened. Cool air rushed in. She stood in the doorway. Glancing to the left and right, she feared this could be another trick. She trembled, pondering her course of action. She heard a crash and then a cry of pain. Locke was yelling out. He was yelling about numbers and pushing buttons. She followed his voice. She reached the all too familiar area. It was dark. The blast doors were down.  
**

**Following the doors with her eyes, she shrieked at the site of Locke pinned underneath them. He turned his head upwards and called her. "Sarah!" **

**She rushed to his side, and leaned over him helplessly. "What happened? Oh My God, are you hurt? " **

**She reached down grabbing his shoulders and attempted to drag him out. "No ... " he protested. " No, it has my leg. Forget about me for now. The button on the computer. "**

**" You have to enter these numbers ... Four ...eight...fifteen...sixteen...twenty- three... forty-two. Can you remember them? " **

**She stared at him. "What … numbers? What are you talking about? "**

**He grabbed her wrist. "Sarah! Do you have the numbers? Can you remember them? One of you has to push the button. Sarah! "  
**

**She scanned the area and saw that Henry's door was open. Another open room revealed Henry passed out face down on the floor. She was also aware of a continual blipping of which she could not determine the origin. Locke had her wrist " Sarah, do you have the numbers? "**

**She turned to him and answered hesitantly. "Y... Yes, I've got it! " **

**" Four…eight...fifteen...sixteen...twenty-three...forty-two. " " **

**He pushed her away with a free arm. "You've got to go ... Now! Henry is down over there. Hurry, you don't have much time! " **

**She stood up. Locke's instructions were as such - There was a computer room. In this room was a computer in which the numbers she had been given had to be typed in and then executed and if not, the entire hatch and possibly the island could be destroyed. This seemed drastic and very farfetched, and had not everything happened so quickly, she would have thought better of it. What would be higher on the priority list? Trying to salvage a man's leg from under a huge metal door or punching numbers in a computer? Unfortunately, Locke would not let her do otherwise and she had not the time or strength to argue. She would have to get past Henry. There were empty shelves on either side, but she did not like the way they looked. She grabbed a couple of buckets from the corner and stacked them. She pulled the chair from the booth. Climbing onto the chair, she placed a foot on the buckets and lifted herself up. They started to give way. She lifted her face up into the air duct. She grabbed the edge as the buckets tumbled onto each other. She hung a few seconds hearing Locke yelling somewhere behind her. " Don't forget to press execute. Enter the numbers and then press execute. "**

** "I've got it!" She yelled back. She hoped. **

**_What did this doomsday button do anyway? _ Here he was pinned under these metal doors, which she did not want to think about the weight of, Henry lying passed out on the floor, and he wanted her to push a button? A mouthful of air broke out when she pulled herself into the air duct. She crawled until she found the exit and then pulled the screen back. Lowering her head through the opening, she saw the computer. The doors were down between the computer room and the living area. The computer was where Locke said it would be, complete with all the equipment around it. She was distracted by a red neon sign, which contained panels that were flipping over sporadically at increasing speeds. Then she realized - it was a timer counting down. She fumbled with the keyboard trying to enter the numbers. Four…eight...fifteen...twenty-three... No, something was missing. Four…eight...fifteen...sixteen... Yes! Sixteen...twenty-three... **

**She heard a clicking noise and when she looked up, she caught sight of a string of symbols flashing on the screen. She gawked at them for a moment, and then quickly entered the last number. _Oh God. Oh God._ She muttered as she typed forty-two and pressed execute. The symbols disappeared and were replaced by the number 108. She sighed relief. She thought it was over, when suddenly the lights flickered. The main lights had switched off and the only one that remained was a purplish violet glow. She froze. What was happening ? She abandoned the keyboard, eyeing the blast doors, wishing them open. She started to run back to the air duct when a warm body stopped her abruptly. **

**"Hello Laren" The voice sent tremors through her. She found herself looking up at Henry who was peering back at her. "You have to go now." **

**She backed away from him and stared. He focused a steady gaze on her which would be nearly enigmatic - had they been under different circumstances. How did he get in there? Could he have somehow slid through the air duct undetected ? She had turned her back a few times, but heard nothing. How could he have gotten past her so quietly? **

**He stared curiously, brows turned in. "You really don't know who I am, do you? You don't recognize me. " **

**He reached out to her and she flinched, taking a step back. He balked. "Laren, what happened to you? My God! What have they done do to you? " **

**Though instinct told her to run, she could not move. She stood there, feeling as though someone had sucked her mouth dry of words as he spoke. "They are looking for scapegoats, Laren. They don't care, they need someone to blame for their problems. " **

**"Listen to me." He said softer, stepping forwards and placing his hands on her shoulders. "You're not safe here. You've got to run. Listen to your father. "**

**She ran her hand through her hair as her eyes flicked across his face. "Laren. Focus. Let's focus here. We've got moments before they know we're missing. I told them we crashed in the balloon. That your mother died and we buried her. They're not buying it. They're going to come back and kill us both. They don't care if it's right or not. Look at you. Look what they've done to you already! "**

**He grabbed her hand. He placed something cold and hard in it. "Take it and run. Go now before it's too late! "**

** She broke out of her trance and stared at the gun resting in her grasp. "Where did you get this?"**

** "It doesn't matter. I have it, and I've given it to you. " He shook his head. " I took it off Locke. Ok? Now let's go. "**

** She took a few steps back and then blinked. " What about you? " **

**"I'll be right behind you." he assured. "Just turn around and run Laren. I'm right here behind you. " **

**She turned and darted forwards until she came to an exit. She somehow instinctively knew where to turn. It was as easy as breathing. She pushed open the door and warm fresh air hit her face. She took it in as the sun warmed the top of her head. She heard his voice "Run Laren. Just run! " **

**She did not look back. She kept running. She beat back bamboo and shrubs with her arms. She ran until her legs gave out. She looked behind her at the thick bamboo and trees that seemed to stretch on forever. Her chest heaved in deep breaths. The hard metal gun clenched in her hand, she brought it to her face and stared at it. Henry - her father? - Was nowhere behind her. Had she run that fast? Had something happened to him? What just happened? Hours ago, she was locked in a six by six foot room. Now she was wandering the jungle again. Still alone. Still just as confused and baffled. She leaned her back against a tree and slid down to the trunk, closing her eyes. **

**She woke up to wet drops splattering on her face. Brushing the back of her hand across her cheek revealed a yellowish - green and white glob. Her eyes followed the gravelly, squawking noise to a large branch - some ten or fifteen feet above her. _Crap!_ She rolled away just in time to avoid the next round of parrot poo**

**She rose to her feet, wiping her face with her shirt. What a predicament! She had come full circle, lost ... in the jungle ... and alone. If she had not been so afraid, so confused ... she could have paid more attention to where she was going. That map, the one on the wall, marked a stream or river of some kind. If she knew how far she had run and which direction, maybe if she could just clear her head she might...**

**Her thoughts were caught short by the sharp screeching as the parrot bolted. Massive, bright green, wings beat the air throwing hot puffs into her face. She stood in awe of this bird. It was an impressive animal. It looked to be about a foot and a half, maybe two feet long with a wingspan of almost twice that. **

**As it passed overhead, she thought she had heard … well … she was probably hearing things. The name "Hurley " did not have any particular meaning to her anyway. Debating this, she soon became aware of the very real fact that something had frightened that bird. _She would come face to face with that something if she did not start moving soon. _**

**She took a step forwards, and then froze hearing whispers all around her. Chills went through her. Instinctively she darted between a tightly clustered bunch of tall bamboo. There she crouched low... and waited. **

**One by one, bare legs and feet crossed under the tree where she had slept. Sporting tattered, dirty clothes, they passed over the splay of branches and leaves with an eerie silence. She wondered at the sight of them. They moved effortlessly, not even a twig snapping beneath their feet. Were these the "others? " **

**She watched them; thinking about her own ragged clothes and bare feet, replaced by faded jeans, tennis shoes and a tank top. She had certainly looked like one of them. _She pushed the thought out of her mind. _**

**She waited for several minutes after they were gone before she rose. **

**She resumed walking. The clean fresh smell was inviting. She followed it to a thicker grove of trees mixed with bamboo. She pressed through hoping for a payoff. Two streams meeting each other at a crossing was her sweet reward. The mother stream ran from the north east into the second flowing across from the east, and turning southwards, probably out into the ocean at its mouth. **

**Eagerly, she stepped out towards it. The cold, sweet water filled her mouth and was a welcomed relief to her parched throat. She gulped handfuls of it until she was satiated. Then she rested on a stump, warming in the sun. **

**She studied the streams for some time. She could almost recognize something about them. She had seen this before ... somewhere. _It was in the hatch._ These streams were the ones drawn on the blast door map. The Swan had to be south of her and slightly west. That meant that whatever was in the center of that map, was due northwest ahead. She found a low place in the stream, and waded through knee-deep water to the north bank. From there, she continued through in a Northwest direction. She stepped into a clearing. The grass was thicker here. A towering cliff shadowed the ground. A little farther and she saw something shining up ahead. Reflecting the sunlight. Closer now, she could make out a substantially massive, white hunk of metal. **

_**It was a plane! **_

**She quickened her pace as she moved towards it. It had blotches of dirt on it. Perhaps it too had crashed some time ago. She looked it over refraining from the contemplation of venturing in. She had her fill of decay, stench and boar lunch. **

**She need not bother retrieving a second helping. **

**She made her way around the plane. It was small. She ducked under a wing, and then followed around to the tail. Discontented, she made a second pass. Rounding the nose, she looked down and noticed a yellow patch of dead grass. She traced it with her feet, along the side of the plane. It went up and beyond the tail section. It curved until it turned her around and she was facing the tail. **

**She lifted her head up to the cliff. A gargantuan tree perched out from its tip, and over the edge. Frowning she turned her attention to the ground, tracing the mark with her mind. Perhaps if she were to put a little space between them. She backed a half a yard or so away, then viewed it from a distance. There was a pattern. It ran along the side of the plane, and straight out a while, and then curved into a hook. _A hook._ **

**Well, that didn't really make any...Wait, it curved around ... if it started at the nose, then she would be looking at the bottom now. Turn the bottom up. **

**A look of surprise and shock spread across her face as a flash of the map flitted before her eyes. The dry grass surrounding the plane, or rather that the plane rested inside of, was a question mark! Her heart flipped inside her. At least it felt like it did. She had found the question mark. Was the plane a clue? _Well, that made sense._ She mocked herself. What sort of clue was that? It seemed like the plane was pointing to the question mark itself. **

**_Pointing._ **

**She paced around the plane again, until she ran across a spread of ground with no grass. There was a slight thud when her feet went across here. She halted, staring down, dropped to her knees and began pushing loose dirt away, then firmer earth as she dug deeper. She did not stop until she felt a sharp pain in the side of her hand. She had hit a sharp piece of metal. After digging away the rest of the Earth, she stood and looked down at the large metal circle embedded into the ground, with satisfaction. This was indeed the question mark. **


	11. Full Circle

**Chapter 11 - Full Circle  
**

**Sarah gawked at the round metal circle that lay at her feet. It caught the sun in brilliant hues. Now if anything should have told her to turn around and leave, that should have. Yet, she could not forget about the man who pointed her to the map. The man in the suite. In addition to the fact that Jack had seen him as well. This had to mean something. _Did it not?_**

**Two handles protruded from the middle, indicating that this was not a solid slab but in fact one very thick set of double doors. She eyed them cautiously. Her reasonable side urged her to walk away, cross the river, and then follow it as far as she could from the hatch and everything that she feared. It was good reasoning. It was logical and probably the best decision. But as if some alien had overtaken her body, she rejected this wisdom and chose to attempt lifting the doors to investigate what might be underneath. **

**Aggravated, she plopped down, tucking her knees under her chin. What was so damn important about a hole in the ground anyway? _If it were a hole._ The only thing she knew ( for certain ) was that a large circle lay pressed into the dirt. She might lift it and find nothing but dead grass and creatures - _the kind of creatures that live under such things._ And she was not that hungry…yet.**

**If it they were not doors, however, there would not be hinges. Pushing herself onto her feet, she approached them. They were heavier than she suspected. She grabbed one of the handles by both hands, pushing with her leg, while throwing all of her weight backwards. She drew one last long breath and threw her weight back until she had managed to pull the one side over into an almighty thump on the ground. **

**It was quite a workout and left her drenched in sweat. **

**Grumbling, she made her way around to the other side and grabbed the remaining handle, repeating the action.****In the middle of arguing with herself, she realized she had managed to open the second door as well. Gulping, she let it slam into the earth and saw that the doors did, without a doubt, hide a significant empty space beneath them. She drew closer, finding herself gaping down a long tunnel that led deep into the earth. One long iron ladder scaled the wall downwards... _somewhere_. **

_**Great.**_

**It was as if she were hooked to an invisible wire that pulled her into the opening and down the ladder, dragging her feet down each rung ... one by one. Damp air rose from below sending shivers up her legs. She was grateful when her feet hit a solid surface. She took a glance up to the entrance high above her. _Let's hope there's no one else around to shut that thing up behind me._ She thought.**

**This place appeared to be a hatch similar to The Swan. There were differences, however. A comfortable looking black armed chair was mounted some five feet or so from a panel of monitors with a console between them. She moved closer. **_**Oh My God!**_** Her mind raced. ****_What kind of a sick joke? _**

**The screens appeared to be extensions of cameras monitoring the Swan, if not other hatches - _if there were any others_? One screen revealed Jack and a dark -haired woman, with their backs to the camera. There seemed to be a third party, though she could not tell until Jack shifted to the side. She held her breath. Henry was tied spread eagle, to the wall. His head hung low with his chin nearly into his chest. She stared into the screen feeling a tinge of nervousness.  
**

**Then, she saw something much more disturbing. The second screen held a view of Locke sitting at the booth. He leaned over the tabletop, a piece of paper before him, and a pen or pencil in his hand. She did not need a detailed picture to make out the pattern on the paper. He was drawing out the map! **

**She watched him for several minutes. He had always said he could not see the drawing on the blast doors. Had he lied? Like Jack had lied about seeing the man? Then, panic set in. If he were tracing out that map, then it meant he wanted to find The Pearl. If they found the Pearl, then …_ They're coming. They're coming after me! _**

**She jumped at the static and popping coming out of the monitors. Then voices. **

**"Oh_ don't you worry Henry ... Or whatever your real name is_. " The dark-haired woman towered over Henry. **

**" _She won't get far. Sayid will find her, it's just a matter of time. " _**

**Her heart pumped out terror as she jerked her head to the side****. "I've got to get out of here!" **

**She had to get as far away from both hatches as fast as she could. She refused to be strung up to the wall as Henry was. _Henry. _What did she mean by _…or whatever your name is? _He was strange, creepy even. Did he deserve to be treated this way? Her mind said no, but something in her was satisfied to see him this way. She pushed this to be back of her mind. Her inner dialog was stopped by an odor. Something pungent. Then she heard a rustling noise. Breathlessly, and as quiet as one of the others, she ducked into a nearby door, watching from a small crack between the door and the panel. **

**From a series of blurry movement and some rustling, a tall, dark-haired man approached the monitors. He placed something glowing onto a tray. Puffs of smoke floated into the air. He had not seen her. Instead, she heard a faint chuckle as he focused on the screen. **

**He bolted at the hint of two voices floating down from the tunnel. Sarah remained breathless behind the door, eyes fixed out into the room. She noted a woman with long blond hair accompanied by a man. _She was the taller of the two_. Sarah gasped recognizing the man's voice. That disturbing tone she could not get out of her head. The sight of him was mind-blowing. Had she finally gone over the edge? **

**How could he be held captive in the other hatch and in this hatch both at the same time? How could this possibly be Henry? **

**She tried to get past her own bewilderment and concentrate on their discussion. They were arguing over how they were going to appeal to Jack and then Sarah was nearly positive she had made out the name " Michael. " Neither of them seemed to be aware of her presence. They ended their discussion and turned towards the exit. She heard the woman note. "This_ place gives me the creeps_. " Sarah couldn't have agreed more, watching them leave. She stared into the empty room, watching for any movement, but it was harshly quiet. **

**Turning her head, she had only just noticed where she was hidden. A toilet was mounted to the back wall, with a sink next to it. Well, she had found the bathroom. She shifted her gaze through the slit of the door and saw that no one had returned.There was only one way in - _that she could tell _- where did this other man go? She cut her eyes to the monitors and blew air out through her mouth. Regardless, she had to get out of there. **

**Swiftly, she scurried up the ladder without so much as a clang or thud. She did not bother with the hatch door. If Locke was drawing that map, they were coming. There was no doubt about that. If Locke was not enough reason, hearing that Sayid had already left on his quest to find her was. In either case, she was not returning to the Swan. **

**She took a hurried look over her shoulder to the hatch opening, and then ran towards the river. She crossed the low place where she had passed through earlier. She kept running. She did not know how long, or far she had run, but she did so until she heaved out breaths. She had been smart about it and ran along the river, sometimes running through the shallow ends- where footprints could not be detected. She also did not want to loose it this time around, leaving herself without a way to quench her thirst. **

**She halted in need of rest. Bent with her hands on her knees, she panted. Her sweat drenched shirt clung to her sides as if it were a second skin. She swiped her face with her palms. **

**"You!" A woman's voice startled her. **

**She jumped, looking around. A woman with long stringy dark hair stood just a few feet away. Her eyes locked onto her. . "You are not dead? "**

**The woman approached her wide-eyed. "The shot should have killed you!" **

**Sarah turned her head side to side, her muscles prepared to bolt. Swiftly the bow came around her shoulder, and the woman aimed the arrow. "Stay where you are or you will be dead this time!" **

**She stared blankly, like a deer trapped by its hunter. The woman inched closer, until she was beside her. Nevertheless, Sarah watched and waited until she saw the faintest moment of weakness. The woman lowered the bow ( just slightly. ) Sarah reached up, slapped the bow away, and in one fluid motion, tossed her foot up to her chest and kicked her down. Without hesitation, she bolted. She was able to make it to the protection of the bamboo when she heard the whizzing of the arrows around her. She continued to run in a staggered manner hoping to detour the woman - whom was certain would chase her if she were able.**

**She sprinted through the jungle until, with shaky legs, she slowed to a stop. Panting heavier, she glanced back. The good news was that she had (hopefully) outrun her pursuer. The bad news was that she had lost her direction and no longer knew where the river was. Worse yet, she had no way of knowing if she had ran farther or closer to The Swan. She was lost. **

**She felt no better than when she was trying to survive alone. The only advantage was that she was stronger, now that the wound on her head had healed. She began trudging through the forest, listening intently, and watching. **

**"Don't move." She knew the voice. If it were not a monster, a boar, or a crazy woman then of course it would be Sayid. She felt his eyes pressing heavily on her. She moved as if she were going to turn around, but then quickly jerked back and tried to bolt forward. He pounced quickly, throwing her to the ground. He grasped her shoulders, breath hot against her face. **

**"I said don't move." He repeated. **

**"I know." She writhed under him until she felt her leg wrenching free. With as much force as she could muster, she kneed him in the groin and then head butted him at the same time. It probably hurt her worse than him, but it surprised him enough that she was able to slide out from under him. He grabbed her ankle. **

**She kicked him with the free foot. She had not much time before he was able to bounce to his feet, but when he did, he was greeted by an unlikely surprise. She stood her hands together in front of her. **

**He had not expected she would pull the gun from the back of her jeans. He had not expected her to have a gun _period_. She stood with it cocked and aimed at him.**

**Her eyes locked with his. "But I wasn't in the mood to cooperate. "**

**It was a bit surreal. To find herself caught by Sayid for the second time while running from some other predator. It was as if they had come full circle. Now, she held the gun. She was in control. _Was she not_? **

**She considered for a moment... _how far she would go?_ Yes, she held the gun but would she use it? _Could she use it? _ She was resolved. _She would do what she needed to do._**

**He stood some six feet away from her. His eyes met hers without hesitation. One hand raised, fingers spread out. He stared intently at her. "Think about this." **

**He inched closer, speaking to her in calm tones. "You do not want to use that gun." **

**His steps were deliberate yet, hardly perceptible. Through nervous eyes, she noticed. **

**"Stop!" She ordered. "Right there!" **

**She held the gun straight out with both hands, eyes peering intensely back at him. **

**He froze, planting his feet and spoke reassuringly. "It's okay. I'm not moving ... Alright? " **

**His voice was softer than she was accustomed to… _from him_. This made her uncomfortable... and suspicious. The moment between them was ignited with intense emotion. Every muscle in his body tensed with anticipation, waiting to react at the opportune time. She held the gun in a tight grasp, staring warily. **

**Standing there, the events from the past weeks rushed her mind. Overwhelmed, her body trembled. A tangled knot of emotion swelled in her belly. It twisted and turned inside of her, until it sharply rose out of her in loud, long belts of laughter. **

**Sayid raised his eyebrows. With one hand on his hip, he covered his mouth with the other. She would later realize that he could have taken the gun from her then ... or at least attempted it. But he did not. Instead, he waited as she belted out one burst of laughter after another. **

**"This is just rich." She muttered. She turned sideways slightly away from him, as if talking to someone else. "What else? Honestly, what else could possibly happen? Shot in the head. Chased by boars and invisible monsters. Bodies hanging in trees. Captured and tortured by plane crash survivors who live in hatches pushing buttons every 108 minutes, seeing invisible people and invisible maps, being hunted by a mad woman with bow and arrows...oh, and let's not forget getting hit in the face with bird crap! "**

**She sighed. "I don't know what else would make this picture complete!" **

**She began pacing, as if Sayid were not there. "What else? Oh... _I_ know what else! "**

**"Oh, this is even richer!" She cackled.**

**" Sarah " Sayid jolted her to reality, stepping forwards. " It's okay. " **

**"No! No ... it's NOT okay! " She snapped.**

**She faced him again, holding the gun out at him. "It's _not _okay, and it's never _been_ okay "**

**" ... And it never will _be_ okay !" **

**He stood watching ... Listening. She stared back at him. He was still. His eyes scanned her face, and then met hers. Something was different. Was he trying to confuse her? Trick her? He had never shown compassion in his face towards her. She had only seen a rigid, firm expression, anger in his eyes. Anger that topped off sadness underneath. **_**This softer Sayid unnerved her. **_**He had just attacked her and thrown her to the ground, now he was talking as if he cared. As if he gave a damn ? **

**"I can't tell you what I don't know." She all but whispered. "But you'll never believe me ...if I tell you the truth. You won't, and I can't blame you for it. " **

**She stood before him as a little child. Almost timid. **

**"It doesn't matter now." He gently coaxed. "Just come back with me, and we can talk about it." **

**"No!" She rejected his words. "No, I can't go back. I won't! I won't go back there! " **

**Her eyes brimmed, and she sighed slow tears. She continued in a trembling tone. **

**"I was so afraid. When I woke up and I didn't know where I was. All I could think about was running. I just.… I was looking for somebody… _anybody_. " **

**She choked back tears. "I tried to sleep by the plane. The cockpit. There was so much death there. I was alone. It got so dark, and I heard so many sounds. I couldn't sleep. I was too afraid to close my eyes. S...So I tried to imagine... I tried to pretend. I was at home. In my bed. But I couldn't imagine my home... _or my bed_. I couldn't picture them. _Nothing came._ I couldn't remember what my home looked like. I couldn't remember anyone's names ... I couldn't remember anyone at all._ I couldn't remember my name. "_**

**Tears began to fall steadily down her face as she sobbed long heavy heaves. It spilled out of her. It had been bottled up for so long. She had had no one to confide in. No one to lean on. Now it just poured out and she couldn't stop it. **

**"I can't remember my own damn name!" **

**She looked at him helplessly. "I didn't even know I had been shot until Jack told me." **

**He remained silent as she blurted through sobs. "So I can't tell you who I am, because I don't know who I am ! I don't know where I came from ! I can't tell you what I don't know! "**

**She stood there several minutes sobbing and crying and then wiped her face with her arm. "I ... I wanted to tell the truth." She stammered. "You blindfolded me and drug me through the jungle. I didn't know what you were going to do with me. And you wanted answers. I had to give you answers. I had to give some kind of answer. I ...I just ... I said what came in my head. And then… And then you had that man. You had him locked up, and he looked like he'd been beaten. And I didn't know if you were gonna beat me next. " **

**His gaze had softened towards her. Arms to his side, in a non-threatening stance, he attempted to comfort her.**

** "I'm so sorry." **

**She held her head up, shooting a direct look into his face. "Are you?" **

**She swallowed. "Everything I told you, and Jack is a lie. Now you believe me? Is that what you're saying? " **

**His face reflected a hint of grief, jaw working underneath his skin. Shiny eyed, he seemed to choke on his words.**

** "I believe you. I _do _believe you. " **

**Her brow turned down, nostrils flaring with each deep breath she took. He had said he believed her. _She needed him to believe her_. She was so tired. She had told him the truth. It sounded worse being spoken aloud. Though ridiculous sounding, it was the truth. She had not held anything from him. Now there he was trying to persuade her that he believed her. She wanted to believe him. She answered carefully. "H ... How can I trust that?" **

**He lowered his head, raising his eyes to her and responded earnestly. "I have never lied to you." **

**She raised her chin, straightening herself. "You tricked me." **

**He nodded as he rubbed his chin. "I was misleading. _We_ were misleading. But I told you... I know when I am being lied to. Just as I know that you are telling the truth now. " **

**"No, you don't." She argued. "You say you do, but you don't. But it's okay. You're gonna do what you need to do. I don't blame you for it. But I can't ever go back. I won't! " **

**"Shannon ...Please…" A look of shock came over him as he stopped in mid -sentence. His features softened. He seemed to look off beyond her somewhere. **

**His words threw her off balance**. **She stared at him blankly. ** **"Who is Shannon? " **

**Then he turned back to her. **

**"It doesn't matter. Just listen to me. ... You want me to believe you. To trust you...I do believe you. Now, I am asking you to trust me. You must trust me. Believe me. Can you do that? " **

**She continued to stare at him, holding the gun firm in a white-knuckled grasp. **

**He dropped his head, and for a second, she saw his eyes brim with emotion. He answered softly. "She was the woman I loved." **

**Her eyes flicked over his face. "Was?" **

**He sighed, looking as if someone had punched him in the stomach. Then he looked directly into her eyes. "She's dead." **

**"She's dead because I did not believe her." He continued. "She needed me to believe her. I was too late. If I had just believed her, she would be alive. " **

**She felt bare and transparent under his steady gaze. His voice was gentle and warm, and yet there was a btter sadness beneath it. "Now, I need you to believe me... I need you to trust me. " **

**Her eyes flicked across his face. _How could she ask him to trust her when she could not trust him? _What he said made sense. It felt real. Another rush of emotion overtook her and hot tears streamed down her cheeks. She could hardly take in the idea that he was showing her compassion. Understanding. It confused her. Like some untamed animal that wanted to be cared for, to be tamed. Yet afraid. **

**Then that feeling swept over her. The one she felt when he dug his fingers into her shoulders, drug her to that room and shoved her in. The walls closing in on her. The cold, emptiness of it. Where she was more alone than she thought possible. Then she heard the noises again, and the whispers. The clanging and whirring. She heard the dripping, and smelled the dampness. Fear filled her body. She began to tremble, and then clarity took over. She would rather die. She would not go back to that place ... wherever it was. It was death without dying. **

**"I can't do that. I can't go back there. I can't. I'd rather die. " **

**He moved in closer, holding out his hand. Speaking to her gently, reassuring her. Urging her. " Come back with me. No one will hurt you. No one. Trust me. " **

**Lost in a sea of emotion, she recoiled. The dark place spread through her mind, overtaking her thoughts. She hardly saw Sayid there now. His image grew fainter with each step, until he appeared as only a shadow before her. As if someone were standing by her, pulling her hand to her head, she drew the nozzle of the gun to her temple. **

**Sayid's face tensed in an expression of shock as he pleaded with her. "Sarah, please. Give me the gun. " **

**"Don't do this. " He begged. "You don't have to do this." **

**"I ... I can't stop it…" She stammered. Her hand had taken on it's own personality, forcing her to turn the gun on herself, to put her finger around the trigger. The cold metal pressed against her head, her finger wrapped around the trigger and then clamped down. There was a click. **

**One abrupt pop shattered the otherwise serene jungle, as the birds retreated from the nearby trees. Sayid cried out, leaping towards her in one last attempt.**

**The gun fell from her hand and hit with a thud, as her body grew limp and then crumbled to the ground. **


	12. Alliance

**Chapter 12 : Alliance**

**An unsettling stillness crawled its way through the afternoon sighs of wind, as low - hanging clouds clustered together, threatening late showers. The sun gave way to the shadow of impending rain. Two figures rested in the middle of a clearing, surrounded by thick bamboo swaying in the humid breeze. One lay on her side, while the other stood over her looking down. A misty blanket of rain covered them. **

**"Oh God!" Sayid exclaimed. Dropping to his knees, he cradled her in his arms. He turned her, and leaned in closer to her face. "Sarah? " **

**He picked her up, propped her against his chest and examined her. She let out a deep moan. "Shhhh...Be still. Relax, " he said gently, water dripping from his hair and onto her face. He grabbed the gun and opened the chamber. **

**"Sayid?" She opened her eyes, gazing into his face. **

**"Yes," he answered, "I'm here." **

**"Sayid? Did I miss? " She asked weakly. **

**" No, Sarah. No, you did not miss. " **

**" I don't feel anything. It ... it doesn't hurt. " **

**There was a pause. "Sayid?" **

**" Sarah," he answered her, "I ..." **

** Then he sighed... "I don't know how to ..." **

**He paused a moment and sighed again... "There's no wound." **

**"Wha ... what? "She stammered. **

**He braced her by the shoulders. "Here, sit up." He guided her into a sitting position and then turned to face her. She sat, legs straight out, while he positioned himself cross-legged beside her. He ran his hands over and around the sides of her head, then rested them on her shoulders. **

**"I don't understand." She said in a daze. "I did miss?"**

**"I can't explain it." He said. "You fired the gun point blank. You did not miss. " **

**He rolled open the chamber of the gun and showed it to her. "Look, the chamber is full. All of the bullets are there. All of them. It's as if it were never fired. " He waved his hand over the ground. " There's no blood ... anywhere. " **

**"But ... I ..." She shook her head. "What?" **

**She grabbed her head and felt all around the back and sides. She pressed her finger into her temple. Her head was not drenched in blood. He was right; there was no blood anywhere. No gaping hole in her head anywhere. No pain. **

**" That's all I know. " he continued. " I watched you squeeze the trigger. You fired the gun. It went off. But, somehow, it's as if it didn't happen. "**

**He closed the chamber. " I don't know what to say. " **

**She stared at him. She opened her mouth to speak, but could not find any words. She spent a few minutes opening and closing her mouth, until she closed it the final time and stared. **

**They sat together quietly for some time. The last half hour or so ran through her head like a movie. She was holding the gun on Sayid. She had told him everything. _Well, not exactly everything. _She had not told him about the other hatch. The screens that showed Locke and Jack, and Henry. She had not said anything about that. **

**She pictured herself raise the gun. She felt the cold steel against her temple. The deafening sound as the single shot exploded from it. She was falling. It was like a dream. She heard the breath blow out of her on impact. She should not have heard anything. She should not have survived for any length of time after that. She should have died instantly. She saw the jungle around her framed in a white border that became smaller until she faded into unconsciousness. **

**She had fought with it. Whatever inclination within that drove her to do this. Forced her turn the gun on herself. She was terrified. Terrified of the images in her mind, of what other horrors may lie before her. But she did not want to die. Especially not by her own hand. She had desperately wanted to stop the gun from firing. **

**Sayid watched her as if he could see her thinking. He placed a warm hand on her arm. "How do you feel?" **

**She looked up at him and drew a breath. "A little dizzy ... I guess. My ears are ringing.**

**He opened his pack and offered a drink of water. "That will decrease eventually." **

**He handed her the open bottle. "Drink slowly. Not too fast. " **

**She obeyed without question and took small sips, soothing her dry throat. "The ringing is from the gun." **

**He lowered himself down next to her once more. "Yes." **

**Her eyes followed him as he lowered himself down near her. He crossed his legs, bringing his own bottle of water up to drink from. **

**" I wouldn't have fired on you. " She confessed. **

**The corners of his mouth curled up in a faint smirk. "I know." **

**She cocked her head at him, squinting her eyes. As if to ask "How would you know that?"**

**" If you were going to, you would not have wasted your time talking. " He responded. " You would have just done it. " **

**She handed him the water and he returned it to the pack. "It's getting dark. We should wait until morning to return to the hatch. Can you stand? " **

**He rose to his feet. " Here. " He reached for her hands. She placed her hands in his and he pulled her up, grabbing an elbow to steady her. She stumbled back an inch or so.**** "Slowly" He cautioned her. **

**He placed a hand in the small of her back, and one on her shoulder. "Ok now?" **

**She nodded. **

**"Good. We need some wood and leaves to start a fire. " He found some that would work within a foot away. He showed them to her. "This is what we're looking for. Pick up the driest ones that you can find. Don't go far. You're not ready for any marathons. " **

**" I thought Jack was the Dr. " She gave a little chuckle. **

**He smirked back and repeated not to go too far. He watched her for a bit until he was satisfied that she was all right. Then he ventured into the bamboo a little to find more burning material. She was left standing alone, aware of the evening creeping in ever so swiftly and a disquiet with it. Out of a quick surge of fear, she called his name. **

** "Sayid?" **

**He poked his head out. "Yes?" **

**"Ok." She answered. "I was just making sure you were still there. It's getting dark. I.… never mind.… I was just checking. "**

**He shook his head, and then disappeared again. ****She continued searching. When she felt dizzy, she would pause briefly until the feeling passed. The rain had stopped about an hour ago, and now the stars were beginning to pop out one by one. A stunning, bright quarter moon beamed overhead while night birds romanced one another in the distance. She stooped to grab a limb and heard a snap. Something _or someone _was behind her. She stood up and turned towards the sound. **

**"I'm still here. I'm ok. " She assured, thinking that Sayid was merely checking up on her. She stepped out from the brush, but Sayid was not there. She was startled nonetheless. A woman with long strands of dark wavy hair blocked her path. Bow drawn in hand, she eyed Sarah nearly daring her to take another step. She had primed one single arrow, and was prepared to release it. **_**The crazy woman had caught up with her.**_

**"I'm certain that you are." The woman observed in her strange accent. "But do not think you will be successful in tricking me again. You will regret it if you attempt it. Just as you will regret the first time. " **

**Sarah's eyes widened as she froze. As fear spread across her face, her heart pounded. She did not want to die by someone else's hands either. **

**"Danielle." Sayid had carefully approached and paused just behind the woman. ****"What are you doing?" **

**Danielle responded without turning to him. She was not giving Sarah the slightest advantage. She squinted and replied. "This is another one. She is one of them."  
**

**He took a step, eying her.****"Danielle, put down the bow." **

**If Danielle were anything, it was persistent. "I will not**. **She is one of them. Do not believe a word she says. She will lie… just like the other one. " **

**Sarah stood before them, without uttering a single syllable. Brows pointed low, eyes wide and fearful; she took deep breaths trying to remain calm. Sayid shot a glance as if he could read the fear on her face. Danielle spoke as if she knew her. She had already hinted that she might have been the one that put the first bullet to her head. She had mentioned the "other " one. What other one? Might she have known about Henry as well? She anxiously awaited Sayid's response, hoping but fearing the worst.**

**He moved to the side as if attempting to walk around Danielle, stretching his hand out, palm up he rejected her observations. "No, Danielle, not this one." He denied. "She's innocent. She is just a victim, like us. " **

**Eyes narrowed, Danielle scowled disapprovingly, cutting her eyes to his and rebuked him. "You do not believe that. You cannot. I saw them together. This one, with the others. Out in the jungle. There were seven of them altogether. She was standing before the six of them. Facing them. She was dressed differently. Gray shorts and a dirty striped shirt. Blue and white. I shot arrows at them and they scattered. " **

**She glared at Sarah. " However, this one. She ran over one of my wires. She was hit in the back of the head. I went to check if she were still alive. Then I heard the whispers. I left before the rest of them returned. " **

**Sarah's eyes glazed over. Her heart sank. She had been with the others. It was a revelation of which she never wanted to learn. She lowered her head. Sayid would have no choice but to remit his vow and drag her to the hatch. There he would shut her up in that room and probably tie her _as he did Henry_. Her face grew hot with emotion as she teared up. **

**Danielle continued her prosecution**. **"I found her again today running through the jungle. I caught her, but she escaped. I heard the gun shot earlier and I followed it to her, right here. " She gave Sarah a look of disgust, then nodded to Sayid. " I am glad to see that you are not injured. "**

**" Nevertheless, if you trust her, you will be very soon. " **

**Sayid had listened expressionless. He drew one arm across his abdomen, propped his elbow on it and grasped his chin. He lifted his face slightly and lowered it again as he drew a breath. Sarah waited. She listened as if anticipating the axe to drop through her neck. **

**Sayid's voice cut through the stiffness in the air. "Danielle. I believe what you saw. I believe that you are sincere. " **

**Sarah listened to him as her heart dropped heavier. It was far worse to know she had lost Sayid's newly gained trust than to learn she had been with the others. She could not really blame Danielle. Her testimony merely confirmed what Sarah had feared most. If she was not with the survivors of the crash, then she had to be one of the others. If so, then Sayid would be justified in holding her captive, and killing her if need be. Given what little she knew of the atrocities the others had committed. Trembling in the shadows, what she heard next nearly left her breathless as well. **

**Sayid stepped forwards, sliding between Sarah and Danielle and responded earnestly. "But Danielle. Sarah is not one of them. You may have seen her with them. "**

**"I did see her with them." She stammered impatiently. **

**"Alright. You saw her. You saw six of them as well. And she was facing the other six ... Am I correct? " **

**Danielle's expression mirrored Sarah's in that she was obviously taken back with Sayid's protective stance towards her. She was slow in her response.**

**Sayid positioned himself with Sarah safely behind him, with arms folded.****"I understand and am grateful for your help. I am sorry…But this time, you are wrong. Sarah is not one of them. " **

**Danielle lifted her chin in a disapproving gesture as he added. "And I won't allow you to harm her." **

**Danielle shot him a look and grunted. "Fine. But you will wish you had listened to me, after she has wreaked havoc on your people. After she has infiltrated your camp and gained your trust. That is their way. You will see that I was telling the truth. By then you will have lost too many of your people. If that is what you want, then so be it. " Danielle took her bow and arrows, turned and stepped into the tall bamboo until they could no longer see her.**

**Sayid's defense had left Sarah dumbfounded. Slow, warm tears made their way down her face. Sayid turned to her. "Are you all right? " **

**She nodded, unable to speak. He grasped her shoulder and guided her out of the brush. The warmth of a stoked fire glowed a path from the cold night air. Though small, it welcomed them with the promise of warmth and light. They lowered themselves before it and sat quietly. **

**Sarah shivered, her tears glistening in the firelight. He lowered his face and studied her. "Why are you crying?" **

**She turned her face away from him, ashamed of her own sobs. He said nothing, but placed a soft hand on her shoulder. She had spent so many days alone in the jungle, fending for herself. Her fear and confusion had been met with brutality. She had no one to lean on, to confide in. **

**After weeks of bearing through the scrutiny and critical eyes, he had finally stood up for her. He believed her. It was as though someone had released the plug that held all the pressure swelling and building inside. She could not control it. Her body trembled with deep sobs. He flicked his eyes over her and then pulled her to him. She sank into his arms. They sat together as he held her and she cried. She could not remember the last time she was held. If she had ever been held, or comforted. When he released her, she was wiping her face with her palms. He kept a gentle grasp on her shoulder as she sat straight. **

**"I ... I didn't think you were going to do that." She whispered low, unable to meet his gentle gaze. **

**He responded in curiosity. "Do what?" **

**"She saw me with them. " She choked on her words. " With the others. "  
**

**" Yes. " he responded. " And…? " **

**" I thought you would believe her, drag me back and lock me up again. That you would think I was one of them. " She said. "But you didn't leave me when you thought I was dead. And you didn't believe her when she said I was one of them. " She managed to look up at him. "You believe me." **

**"You're still here." **

**"I _do_ believe you." He confirmed. "I meant it when I said I believed you. I made a promise. I' m not going to leave. "**

**He scanned her face, and then sighed. " You need rest. Get some sleep, we will return in the morning. Jack can look at you. Make sure that you are all right. " **

**She was very tired. She yawned and laid her head in his lap, enjoying the crackling fire that warmed her face. He fished a light jacket from his pack and spread it over her shoulders. She lay for a few minutes, with his lap under her cheek, growing calmer under the gentle weight of his arm, and feeling protected. **

**Tiny sparks flicked out of the fire and ever so often, a single flame would shoot higher than the others, sending up smoky puff clouds into the moonlit sky. She lie still until her eyes were heavy with sleep and then closed them drifting off to the in and out rhythm of his breath. **


	13. Twice Bitten

**Chapter 13 : Twice Bitten **

**A desperate, high-pitched shriek pierced the calm and lazy morning, soon accompanied by the pounding of rapid moving footsteps. Sayid sprinted towards the screams, snapping bamboo and bending brush back with his hands. He had left her ten minutes ago to urinate. He asked her to wait for him and showed her where to hide if she needed too. He was in mid-steam when he heard her cries. **

**Closing in on the spot where he left her, he slowed his pace, in an attempt hide his presence. After detecting a second voice, it did not take him long to figure out what her emergency was. He found her clinging to a tall sapling, face heated by a fit of panic, while the pale yellow lab had her cornered just two feet away. His barks echoed into the forest. Long yellow tail sweeping back and forth, he darted from side to side, with his rear end in the air. Occasionally, he cocked his head and whimpered. **

**Sayid surveyed the scene with amusement. The tiniest smirk lighting up his face. Sarah looked at him with large pleading eyes. Her face expressed shear terror. She called his name. **

**Sayid bent down and spoke to the animal. He bounced over to Sayid and rammed his head into his leg. Sarah watched, from the safety of her tree, while he scratched behind the dogs ears and then gave him a pat on the nap of the neck. **

**"This is Vincent." Sayid straightened himself and smiled. "He's not going to hurt you. He's very gentle. " **

**"Wha ... What is that? " She stammered rigidly, maintaining her tree-hugger stance. **

**Puzzled, he responded. "What is what? ... You don't mean the dog? "**

**"That's a dog?" She exclaimed, eyes wide. **

**He tilted his head. "Are you serious?" **

**"No, " She responded in an aggravated tone. " I'm not serious! "**

**"Alright." He answered. "I apologize. I ... well...I have not met anyone who has never seen a dog. " **

**She glanced away at the ground and shifted her feet awkwardly. "I just don't ...remember one like that one." **

**Detecting her embarrassment, he smiled warmly. "Here. Hold out your hand. "**

**She flicked her eyes between Sayid and Vincent. As if he understood her hesitation, Vincent lowered his head. Then dropping down, he let out a sad whine as he crawled to her. Sayid fought his enjoyment, as he observed astutely. "I think he just wants to make friends." **

**Vincent lifted his head and bumped her hand with his nose. She cautiously stretched out her fingers and touched his head, then ran them slowly behind his ears. A faint smile brightened her face. She squatted down. He greeted her with a few long licks across her cheek - which made her giggle like a young girl. **

**He bolted in excitement, returning with a large stick clenched between his teeth, and dropped it before her. She scrunched her nose curiously, she was baffled by his anticipated leap from side to side, barking his impatience. **

**Sayid watched with continued amusement. "Pick it up and throw it."**

**She turned her head towards him in a question. He laughed. "Just pick it up and throw it. He just wants to play. " **

**The stick was slimy in her hand. _This was enough encouragement to toss it. _She gave it a chunk into the bushes. Vincent had watched her intently anticipating it's release. He darted after it. Within a few seconds, he had retrieved it and was bounding to her, clenching it as if it were pure gold. He halted just short of running into her, and dropped it at her feet.**

**She laughed aloud. It was a clear, strong belly laugh. She rewarded the dog by repeating the throw and watching him fetch it several times over. Sayid soon joined the fun and together they played, taking turns tossing the stick and running with him as well. To his delight, they chased him around the thick tree trunks, and hid from him behind shrubs, only to leap out at him. In return, he joyfully swung his tail side to side, and bounced back and forth barking his expression of approvals. **

**They laughed together, Sarah and Sayid. It was as if she were laughing for the first time. Not a nervous laugh or a stressful cry of release as before, but a joyful, contented laughter. For one sweet moment, neither fear nor terror had occupied her thoughts. She was relaxing under the warm sun, and playing gleefully without care. She glanced up at Sayid and they met each other's gaze smiling, each having seen the other in a different light. **

**They crossed a stream with Vincent trailing along, sometimes running ahead of them, and other times remaining behind to explore, only to catch up with them minutes later. **

**Both had said little while walking. It was a clear sky, with very few clouds. The sun poked through the thick splay of treetops above beaming scattered rays to the earth below, as the birds chattered, flitting from limb to limb. **

**Sayid shifted his eyes towards her several times before he spoke. "About the dog."**

"**I'm sorry if I ... belittled you ... Earlier." **

**Though thankful for his candidness, she did not respond directly. She had noticed, since leaving the area where they had camped the previous night, that he walked with a slight limp. This is where she chose to divert the conversation. "I noticed you … well. You're walking a bit ... Are you ok? " **

**He took in a breath and smiled nearly flirtatiously. "You …uh ...You have _very _strong knees." **

**She dropped her mouth, glancing down at her knee. She had plunged it into his crotch trying to escape from under him. His answer left her in a momentary loss of words, though as they walked, she noticed the glint of mischievousness on his face. **

**"I'm … I'm sorry." She flushed red with embarrassment. **

**"You did what anyone would do." He admitted. He slowed his pace and turned to her. "Why don't we start over?" **

**He offered his hand as he introduced himself. "My name is Sayid." **

**She smiled and slid her hand in his. He grasped it warmly. She stumbled over her words. ** **"Well, I'm … Well, I …" **

**"It's nice to meet you." He responded. **

**She smiled gratefully. "It's nice to meet you." **

**Vincent caught up with them crossing a shallow stream. It gurgling and bubbled,**

**splashing lightly when they stepped through it. She had never wasted time dreaming of a perfect day, but this one was very close. And who would have thought it would be with Sayid. **

**Vincent circled them and then came around for a scritch. She was more than willing to give him attention, repeating his name as that melody surfaced in her thoughts. **

_**Starry, Starry night. Flaming flowers that brightly blaze. Swirling clouds in violet haze - reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue**_**_Colors changing hue. Morning fields of amber grain. Weathered faces lined with pain - are soothed beneath the artists loving hand …_" **

**She hummed absentmindedly. They strolled together for some time with another long stretch of silence between them, their minds wrapped around the last two days. She wondered if he could actually convince Jack that she was telling the truth. She dreaded being near that man, Henry. The man who had claimed he was her father. She stared up at Sayid who had paced himself slightly ahead of her. This was something else she had not yet told him. _She hoped he would be just as understanding._**

**As though he were spouting off random thoughts, he made a very astute observation. "That was not very smart, you know. Pointing a gun at your head. " **

**It sounded funny, but he spoke it with a certain concern in his voice. **

**She looked down, kicking at a rock. "Well, it probably wasn't one of my better ideas." **

**He rested a steady gaze on her. "Don't do it again." **

**She nodded and added an "okay. " **

**No sooner had she uttered the word, he sharply planted his feet and turned, putting his hand out. "Get back" **

**"What is it?" She responded, turning her gaze upwards anticipating a load of boulders or worse. She had not noticed the crackling and snapping underfoot. In the middle of her question, the ground gave, sucking Sayid down with it into a narrow pit. Being covered with twigs and leaves, neither of them had noticed it in time. She fell on her knees, hoping to find him grasping the edge. She lost her breath when she stared down the hole and discovered him stretched motionless on his back, covered to his waste in debris. **

**"Sayid!" She yelled. "Oh God, Sayid … _please_ answer me! _Please!_ Sayid!! " **

**Vincent dashed out of the jungle and plopped himself beside her, barking down the gaping hole. She ran a hand through her hair. "Oh God." **

**A groan rose up from the pit. She stared another hopeful, but concerned, gaze down below repeating his name. "Sayid ?! Sayid can you hear me?! "**

**"I'm alright." He called up to her. "I'm not injured." **

**"What can I do?" She pleaded, wrenching her hands. "Maybe a vine? Could I find a vine and tie it maybe? Throw it down to you? Would that work? Tell me what to do! Sayid? " **

**He attempted to sit up, aiming to calm her, but found that he was pinned under the debris. He sighed, and then stared up, settling his voice. "Sarah, just relax. " **

**"You're lying at the bottom of a pit! " She panicked. "You want me to relax?" **

**He smiled. "Well … it's nice that you're worried. "**

**He yanked a branch from under him and continued. "This is what I need you to do. Close your eyes and take a deep breath. "**

**She was hesitant, but eventually followed his instructions. **

**"That's good" he assured. "Feel better? " **

**She scowled shaking her head. "No. "**

"**I'm glad that helped. " He mused. "Now listen. We are not far from camp. I need you to keep walking in the direction we were going. Do not stray from it. You will not have far to walk. Trust me. " **

**"You want me to leave you here?" She balked. **

**He nodded. "If you want to help me, then you will find Jack. Tell him where I am. Bring him back here. " **

**She shook her head in protest. "Are you crazy? I am not going to leave you here. I'm going to find a way to get you out. Besides, if I go back there without you - Jack will never believe me. I won't have a chance to tell him what happened to you. " **

**He gave her his firm and intense look. The one where he lowered his head and lifted **

**his eyes under thick, dark brows.**

**She nodded. "Okay. I'll do what you asked me to do. I'll… Sayid ... are you going to be all right? " **

**"I'll be fine." he reaffirmed. "Just go. Jack will listen. He will need you. He doesn't know where I am …and you do. He will listen. " **

**She stood up, staring down into the pit. He nodded back at her as an urge to leave. She shook her head as she made her way around it. Vincent near her side. **

"**Wait. " He called her. She turned in time to see the gun flying over the mouth of the pit and landing in the grass. She glanced towards the pit and then at the gun with heavy reservations, then shoved it in the back of her pants thinking she was probably going to live to regret arming herself. **

**She continued looking back until she could no longer see the pit. Following his directions, she made her way through thick bamboo and shrubs. The sun was a bit weaker, warning that morning was closing in on afternoon. If she were going to get back to him before dark, she would have to find the hatch soon. **

**She caught the scent of warm salty air and felt the knot in her stomach unravel just a tad. Vincent shot off towards the sound of the ocean crashing into the shore. She followed along behind Vincent until she happened upon a tall figure standing among the trees. He stood somewhere within the 6 foot range. She recognized the sandy hair. He turned roughly at the sound of footsteps behind him, narrowed his sharp blue eyes and cocked his head to the side, sliding a devious smirk on his lips while greeting her. "Well, now … is it lonely out there in the woods, stripy? Doc's been itchin to catch you. Now, here ya are. " **

**He tossed a golden lock back over a bare tanned shoulder and grinned. "I didn't see any wanted posters, but I can just imagine the bounty on _your_ head." **

**His directness had taken her by surprise, leaving her mind void of a comparable response. Rather than stammer, she stood collecting random thoughts until she put them together into something comprehensible, and worth his attention. She was there to get help for Sayid. **

**She flung her hands into the air and exclaimed. "Oh no, you caught me! Foiled! " **

**Sawyer eyed her the way you gawk at someone strolling along on the street talking to himself. **

**She put forth her best effort in hopes of motivating him to escort her to Jack. "So ... what are you going to do? Tie me up and toss me over your shoulder? " **

**He shifted his eyes upwards, while smiling a dimply grin. "Mmm ...now _there's_ a happy thought. A little afternoon delight. "**

**She returned his dumbfounded expression, and then shook her head. "Look James" **

**"Sawyer" he scowled. **

**She locked eyes with him satisfied that she had finally gotten his attention. "Right, okay … Sawyer. I think you're funny ... really. But right now, I don't have time to be all enamored. So, if you don't mind, please take me to the hatch and I promise to give you all the credit for catching me. _Honest! _" **

**"Sawyer …" A woman approached from the beach. "What are you doin?"**

**Her wavy dark brown hair was tied into a knot. She gave Sarah a look over. "You're her, aren't you? The girl Sayid brought to the hatch? "**

**Sawyer chuckled cynically. "Congratulations Freckles. You've just won the daily double! " **

**Sarah directed her attention towards Freckles and held her hands up. "Okay, yes. Yes! I'm the one. I escaped. I'm bad. I'm _really_ bad! And I need to be locked up. So, just drag me back to the hatch. I don't really care. But I have got to talk to Jack! " **

**"Well, talk then." Jack said, following behind Freckles. "Oh, and you're definitely goin back." **

**His voice startled her, and worse, his expression told her that his opinion had not changed. If anything, he had grown colder, but she had to make him listen.**

**She dropped her eyes, and then raised them to his pleading earnestly. "Look, I know that you hate me and that you're not going to believe a word. " **

**He nodded, swiping a hand over his face. "That's right." **

**She flicked her eyes down tearfully. "Okay … Okay, I deserve that. I am sorry. I lied about everything and I am so sorry. But right now, Jack, Sayid is trapped under debris at the bottom of a pit. It was all covered up; he was ahead of me and stepped on it. It caved in and he went down with it. He made me come after you to help him. But we have to get there before dark. " **

**He was unresponsive as he folded his arms and locked eyes with her. She knew her argument would be a tough sell, even though it was the truth. Not to mention what other tidbits Henry might have confessed - _if any_. Nonetheless, Sayid had defended her; she owed it to him to get him rescued, regardless of the cost.**

**Freckles had listened with a softer expression. She turned to Jack in an aggravated tone. "Jack? Did you hear her? "**

**He slowly nodded. "Yeah, I heard her." **

**His gaze felt like fire burning her to the core as he all but shoved a finger in her face. **

**"So, you suddenly show up ... after you somehow managed to escape from a bolted iron door ... and you want me to follow you out into the jungle?" **

**She stammered, growing more concerned for Sayid's safety. "I ... I wasn't coming back. But he found me. Sayid ... he caught me. I held a gun on him. But, I didn't use it. I didn't use it on him. Look, Sayid needs help! You've got to get out there before its dark and …. " **

**"You've got a gun?" He exclaimed. "How did you get a gun? Where is it? " **

**Without hesitation, she threw her hands above her head. "It's in my jeans. In the back of my jeans. You can check it. It hasn't been fired. " **

**Jack stepped forwards and grabbed her wrists, then nodded to Freckles. "Kate." **

**"Jack ... " Kate frowned then relented under his persistence. "Fine." **

**She cooperated, wincing at Jack's tight grasp, while Kate reached under the back of her shirt. The weight of his stare was painful, as he towered over her with merely a few inches between them. She managed to lift her eyes to his once or twice, but quickly flicked them downwards. You could say they were even now. He had betrayed her and she had betrayed him as well - _in some small way_. **

**Sawyer had watched this scenario unfold for quite sometime before interjecting. He leaned his backside against a palm and folded his arms, tilting his head observantly. **

**"Now, here's a thought. She was here about five minutes or more before you. We had a nice little chat actually. "**

**He cast a cheeky smile her way. "Didn't we chipmunk?" **

**"What's your point Sawyer?" Jack snapped. **

**Sawyer shook his head as if to say, _you're the educated one and I'm just the dumb hick_, then responded. "It's simple, Einstein ... Why the hell would she wanna chat with a gun in her pants if she was gonna use it? Hell, she even told _you_ she had it! I wouldn't exactly call that aggressive. Now, you might have another definition since _you're_ the one with a degree an' all. " **

**Kate retrieved the gun and handed it over to Jack. "You know he's got a point." **

**He drug Sarah's arms around her back "You think so?" **

**Sawyer turned his head sideways, eyebrows drawn together. Jack shot a glance at him but refrained from finishing his thought as he nudged Sarah forward. Kate was the last to follow. Staring back towards the jungle she protested. "Wait, we're headed towards the hatch. What about Sayid? "**

**"I don't trust her Kate." He answered, visibly annoyed. "How do we know they didn't send her back to trick us? Make us walk right into a trap? Did you think about that? We have one gun between the three of us. " **

**Sawyer threw his head back "Two … What? You thought I'd walk around this creepy place without any protection. " **

**Jack rubbed his head and then snorted**. **"Okay... Two …whatever. We take her back to the hatch and we'll have two of their people. " **

**"That's your plan Stonewall?" Sawyer scoffed. **

**Jack scowled. "Do you have a better one?"**

**"Na, I wouldn't wanna step on your toes, Hero. Steal your thunder an' all." **

**Jack laughed a cynical laugh. "Still haven't gotten any new material?"**

**Sarah's heart sank. Their bickering was wasting time that Sayid could not afford to loose. He was wrong … not only did Jack not believe a word of her story, but Sarah was not certain if he would even follow through with the rescue. Either way, she knew she would not be going along even if they did concur to at least check her story out. **

**Kate argued that taking Sarah with them would assure them of finding him quicker only to be reminded she herself was a decent tracker and should have no problem following a trail. The trail that Sarah had left behind herself. **

"**I tried to break branches along the way. " She told them. "He's not that far out. At least take Vincent with you. He was there too. " **

**They flicked glances at each other until she rolled her eyes. "Vincent - the dog? " **

**She lay her eyes on the thick metal entrance with dismay. _Returning to prison. _She stared at the mural on the wall. Noting the number 108, she wondered how she had missed it before, recognizing it to be the same as the minutes on the timer above the computer. Locke greeted them when they passed the blast doors. He had detected their presence and ventured into the dining area to investigate. He leaned against the counter resting on a pair of crutches. **

**She was relieved to see that he had not lost his leg. **

**Jack was not guiding her to her old room. He had taken a turn that told her his plan was to lock her up in that other place. Behind that big iron door with no window. Engulfed in the four walls, and the dim yellow light. She was drawn back to another time, where the water dripped in a steady hypnotizing rhythm, and the thick, musty odor made her nauseas. She trembled slow and deep, clenching her sweaty palms and swallowed hard. She did not want to loose control. She was being completely irrational. It was a room. _It was a small room._ It held nothing threatening. _It threatened to suffocate her._ It was four walls._ It was death._ **

**This confined space, with cold floors and plain walls represented all of her fears - _including the ones she could not remember. _**

**Jack told Kate to open the door. She did as he asked with a worried look. Sarah shook her head slowly, as her pleas grew from whispers to screams. "No, No ... I can't go back! Please don't. _Please_! " **

**Her legs grew rigid as her feet unsuccessfully planted themselves into the smooth floor. Panic had swept in as a wave crashing over her head. Jack gave her a hard shove and she was in. She turned back and charged the door as it slammed with a loud "Bam!" **

**She repelled painfully from the steel, bounced up and beat it with her fists, overcome with an incredible amount of fear. Sucking in the air, she felt as if she were suffocating. She drew less and less as she gasped for it. The nausea swept over her in gags. The edges of the walls turned misty white and then shrank into a small hole until the blackness fell quick and heavy. She hit the floor with a dull thud. **


	14. Judas

**A/N - _Before jumping to any conclusions on any major discrepancies, ( excluding gramatical ) consider they might be intintional. :)  
_**

**Chapter 14 - Judas**

**It seemed only moments ago … She lie on the floor unresponsive to the thump of the lock unlatch, and the shrill whine of the hinges from the opening door. Cool air brushed her face. She had not the strength to raise her head. **

"**Sarah? " The voice was softer than any she had heard. She raised her eyes, scaling the small sneaker covered feet and tattered jeans to the pale face - resting soft brown eyes on her. He was just a boy of maybe 14 or 15 at best. She blinked slowly, with her mouth partially open. She was so thirsty. She managed a raspy response. "Who … who are you? " **

"**Sarah. " He responded. "It's me, Sayid. "**

**Her vision blurred as the boy faded, revealing Sayid bending over her on one knee, with the other drawn up to his chest. He called her name gently, rolling the "R" in that funny little way. Trembling, she raised herself upright against the wall, gulping air like a fish out of water. An invisible weight crushing her chest, she gasped. "C… Can't b…breathe... No air."**

**" She's shaking like a leaf. " Sayid said to the others, then to her. " It's ok. Let's get you out of here. "**

**Kate and Sawyer stood nearer to the inside of the room, while Jack hovered above Sayid. He moved around them in an attempt to help carry her. Sayid shot him a quick warning glance, and then snarled. "I've got her."**

**Sawyer leaned, arms folded, against the doorframe sporting an ear-to-ear grin. His face glowed with self-amusement. "Well now, talk about a major role reversal!"**

**Kate rolled her eyes. "Sawyer, can you give it a rest? "**

**As if oblivious to anyone else, Sayid brought one arm around Sarah's shoulders while sliding his other arm under her legs, hoisting her weight against his chest. Her head fell into his shoulder as she gasped for air. He took a few steps, eyeballed Sawyer and growled. "How about you get out of my way?"**

**Sawyer smirked as if satisfied to have gotten a rise. He nodded, and stepped to the side." Now don't get testy, Sir Lawrence. "**

**A small caravan of five eagerly trailed behind Sayid. There was Jack, Kate, Sawyer, the black haired woman and Locke (who was hobbling on crutches.) Sayid carried her past the washing machine, to the bunk beds, and carefully laid her there on the bottom bunk. She felt weak and drained, but the pressure on her chest was lighter and the fog was lifting from her head.**

******Kate approached Sayid warily. "I think you should let Jack have a look at her."**

******Sayid turned his head and glared. "I think Jack's done enough. " **

******Kate persisted with a gentle grey-eyed gaze. "Sayid. " **

******He stared Jack down for several minutes before relinquishing a nod. Stepping to the side warily, he allowed Jack to approach. Jack lowered himself beside her, placing a cup of water by the bed. She sat upright, relieved by the cool fresh air. It was surprising when Sayid defended her to Danielle, but strange seeing him defend her to Jack. It was not beyond reason that it would raise suspicion when she returned toting a gun, announcing that Sayid was trapped at the bottom of a pit. She never expected Jack to greet her with open arms. Why would he?  
**

**"****Alright, let's just take a few deep breaths here." Jack coaxed. "Let's do it together. One big breath in through the nose … You're doin great. "**

******She found this difficult, as big gulps through her mouth provided her with more air quicker, nonetheless, she clamped her mouth shut and drug long difficult breaths through her nose. In spite of the awkwardness, she was soon breathing easier. **

******Jack placed a palm over her forehead and then two fingers over her wrist. He coaxed her to follow his finger as he traced lines in the air. This made her bit nauseas. "Your pulse is kinda high. Do you feel sick? "**

******She nodded." A little. " He smiled. " You're fine. You're just seriously claustrophobic. "**

******She shot him a questioning expression. "Clas...**

******" Claustrophobic. It means you don't particularly care for small or confined spaces. You felt the walls closing in? Heart started to race? Sweaty palms? Confusion? "**

******She nodded.**

******" And then a panic attack. " He chuckled when she returned a blank look.**

******"You're fine."**

******He reached for the cup of water and placed it in her hand. Then much to her relief announced. "Okay everybody, I think we've had enough sideshow here. Time to clear out. "**

******They meandered their way out of the hatch one by one, but Sayid lingered protectively. Eventually satisfied, he quietly made his exit as well. She laid her head on the pillow and closed her eyes.**

******Yes, all of that seemed like moments ago. Now, here she was sitting, one knee tucked beneath her, at one end of the couch … thinking. Wondering how to approach the questioning eyes and direct interrogation. Though she struggled not to acknowledge it, the door behind them silently screamed at her. It taunted her. Was Henry still bound and gagged there? Could he hear them talking? She stared at the spot where Locke had been pinned, and heard him desperately begging her to enter the numbers on the computer and press the button. She absentmindedly scaled the blast doors unable to see the map. It had either disappeared or _been washed clean_.**

******Jack propped an arm over the back of the couch, positioned opposite from her on the other end. "So basically, Sayid told me that you've got amnesia. "**

******It came almost absurdly from his mouth as if to say, "Amnesia is a lame copout. " The suspicion in his voice was louder than his words. She lowered her head and sighed heavily, then lifted her eyes, scanning his face. She shot a look of apprehension towards Sayid, who was leaning forward in the big chair across from them. Elbows settled into his knees, he clasped his hands together and responded with a nod.**

******She sighed nervously. "When I woke up, I was lying on the ground. On my back. My head was pounding. It was dark and I didn't know where I was, or where I had come from. The back of my head was wet, and I felt this big hole. I wandered around a few days until I found the cockpit. I slept there hoping to be rescued. I assumed that I must have been on that plane. Someone would come for me if I stayed near it. But then that thing came. I saw someone, a body, hanging from a tree… up in the top… and it just ripped it from up there. I ran, got lost again. Sayid found me a few days later. "**

******He nodded, but that look remained. The one that made her feel self-conscious. The one that seemed to judge her every motive. He raised his brows, and responded. "You made up quite an elaborate story. You and your mother ... what was that? Oh yea …On vacation in Australia when you found out your brother had been tortured to death? Why? "  
**

******She opened her mouth, blinking as she struggled to answer - but he was on a roll.**

******"And _that _I could _almost _believe ...But you knew the crash in every detail. The actual crash … that all of us survived. _The crash that never happened to you. " _He spoke the last sentence emphatically.  
**

******"We don't know that." Sayid cut through his dialog, stealing the attention of both Jack and Sarah. "Isn't it possible that although she doesn't remember it _consciously_, that perhaps she can describe the crash so easily because she actually was on the plane? Perhaps she remembers more than she's aware. "**

******Jack shook his head, "Fair enough." He turned to Sarah. "But we caught you trying to escape with Henry. You know, the guy behind that door back there? "**

******She shook her head in protest. "I took the gag off of him. I didn't even speak to him. But I would have never been in there if you hadn't baited me. "  
**

******" That's right." he agreed smugly. " And I don't regret it. You could have walked away from it. But you didn't. Then there's the issue of your escape. How did you manage that ? Who unlocked that door and let you out? "**

******Jack had certainly gathered his evidence in detail, though she caught a glimpse of Sayid grasping his hands in an attempt to hold back his agitation. Consoled by his newfound support, she had not intended on causing division. She gnawed lightly at her bottom lip. She looked guilty, but she was resolved to the truth. At least then, whatever happened would because she was honest.**

******"I heard an alarm and a crash. Henry and Locke were yelling at each other. I knew something was happening and it scared me. I put my face on the door. I wanted it to open. Then I heard it unlatch. I honestly don't know how it happened. I found Locke on the floor and Henry was face down on the floor in the pantry. Locke made me climb into the ... in the ceiling. "**

******"The vent." Sayid filled in.**

******She glanced his way. "Yeah, that. I entered the numbers... on the computer… just as Locke told me. I pushed that button ...execute. I was going back to help Locke, but Henry stopped me. Everything happened so fast. He said you would kill us both. He gave me the gun and told me to get out. "**

******With wide eyes, Sayid pressed his lips together and slowly turned his head side to side in a gesture that said "no." She responded with a questioning look.  
**

******Jack yanked his head towards Sayid. "You told me _you_ gave her the gun. When you fell in that hole. "**

******Sarah dropped her head shook it and gave a pitiful expression to Sayid. Apparently, he had not told Jack everything that happened out there in the jungle. It was such a change that it almost felt like another ploy.**

******She sent Sayid a gracious nod then rejected his gesture. "No Sayid. Thank you … but no … I'm done lying. "  
**

******She sighed. "I got the gun from Henry. He said he took it from Locke. He said a lot of things. But I know now that he was lying. Did he even run at all? " **

**" ****Nope. " Jack answered.**

******She shot a confused glance to the door. "So, he was baiting me too. I didn't see him after I got outside. I woke up in a strange place not knowing where I was, who I was. Around strangers. Strangers who blindfolded me, tied my hands, locked me in a room. " Jack leaned forward, dropping an arm in his lap. The explanation fell out of her easily now that everything had been lain out before them. She continued earnestly. **

******"Jack, I didn't know you. I didn't know any of you. You had this man tied up and gagged behind that door over there. I didn't know what you would or wouldn't do. You had to have an answer, and I just blurted out what came in my head. I don't know where it came from. I just blurted it out. I couldn't take it back. What would you have thought then? If I started changing my story? It was too late. "**

**"****Uh … Jack?" A mans voice called from the entranceway. Sarah saw a shadow, and then the man. Curly hair falling down past his shoulders, sad looking light brown eyes. "I ...we kinda need some help." **

******"Yea, well ... Hurley. " Jack gave a raised eyebrow reply "… kinda busy here." **

******Hurley moved into the room with a hint of fascination in his expression. "That's her?" **

******Hurley stared curiously at Sarah. "You look so ... Do I know you from somewhere? "**

******They were interrupted by another voice barging his way in. " I want to see her! Please, let me..." **

******Sayid abruptly rose poising himself just beyond the couch, as an attractive man, in his mid thirties, appeared from behind Hurley. A look of elation spread over his face, tears brimming his eyes. "Oh my God, Sarah ... is that really you?"  
**

******Sarah's forehead wrinkled as her eyebrows drew upwards and her mouth formed a perplexed "O".**

******On his approach, Sayid threw out his hands and planted them squarely on the man's chest. Jack had also raised himself and made his way between Sarah and the two of them. "Hurley?"  
**

******Kate appeared from the entrance accompanied by Sawyer. **

******"Somebody wanna tell me what the hell is goin on here?" Jack impatiently demanded.**

******"Let me go." The man pleaded, sobbing in between words.**

******"He says he's her husband." Hurley blurted.**

******Sarah stared. She knew Jack, Locke, and Sayid better than she knew this man. He detected her lack of recognition and he pleaded with a tear-streaked face.**

******"Sarah? Don't you know me? Oh Sarah! " **

******She had no words for him as Hurley cocked his head. "Husband ... Didn't see that one comin. " **

******"Okay, look, this is upsetting everyone. Let's just take this somewhere else and talk about it. All right? " Jack interjected. He nodded to Sayid and the two of them attempted to guide the man towards the entrance.**

******"Jack." Sarah protested, jumping to her feet. "If you're gonna talk about something that has a direct influence on me, then I should be around to hear it. Don't you think? "**

******"Jack, she's right." Kate agreed. "You can't exclude her when the discussion is about her."**

******Sarah exchanged glances with Sayid. He had removed his hands, but remained positioned protectively between her and the stranger. Flicking her attention to the man, she found herself stressing. He, in all appearances, seemed genuine, yet she felt nothing for him. **

******Jack directed his interrogation towards the stranger. "What's your name?"**

******"It's Judas. Judas Whitaker. But I go by Jude. "He said." Her name is Sarah Whitaker. "**

******" Locke let's get the manifest." Jack told Locke.**

******"The manifest?" Jude questioned. **

**"****Yea, " Jack smirked. "the flight manifest ... is that a problem? " **

******He dropped his hands to his side and shook his head. "Well, no, but if you're going to look for our names. Sarah's won't be there. Not under Sarah. Sarah is her middle name. Her first name is Veronica. She never liked it, so she's always gone by Sarah. "**

******" Mmmm " Jack nodded thoughtfully. "...Well, thanks for the info. So, we're looking for Jude and Veronica? "**

******Sawyer had been leaning a shoulder against the wall amused at the unfolding drama. He cocked his head thoughtfully. "Judas … Judas you said? Well, I'm no bible scholar, but, ain't he the one that sold Jesus out for a truckload of money? "**

******"Dude." Hurley corrected. "I think it was just a bag of silver or somethin. And then he hung himself. "**

******"Is that right?" Sawyer smirked. "I'd off myself too if I'd made that crappy of a deal."**

******"I can prove it without the manifest." Jude announced.**

******"Really? You don't want us to look at the manifest then? " Jack replied.**

******" Well, no, it's not that. When she was thirteen, she went to the beach in Gulf Shores. The water was dark and she didn't see the man of war before the wave slammed it into her. She's got a permanent butterfly shaped tattoo on her left ankle. Always had it since then. "**

******Everyone turned their attention to Sarah. She followed her pants leg down to her feet. She lowered herself down on the couch and slowly wrapped her fingers underneath the seam and began to pull it up over her ankle. She looked up at the group, who were all nodding their heads. She stared down again at the bright red butterfly mark burned into her left ankle.**

******"You see?" Jude said. "It's true." **

******Jack swept a gaze across the room. "Does anyone else know this guy? " **

******Sawyer shrugged. Sawyer did not appear to be type to keep a running head count of his neighbors anyway. Hurley spoke under narrowed eyes. "Well, actually. I remember talking with him during the first manifest check. " **

******Kate nodded. "Yea, he's been with us the entire time. "**

******Jude pulled away from Sayid, moving towards Sarah murmuring. "Oh God, what happened to you?"**

******He kneeled beside her, attempting to touch her face. She instinctively pulled away. A rush of guilt followed after.**

****** "I'm sorry. I don't know you. I wish that I did. But I don't. I can't just. I can't pretend. I ... I'm sorry."**

******She calmly rose, stepping away from him and into the only place she felt comfortable. She stared at the bunk beds. She glanced over the window shade with the fake lighting behind it. This was more real than this man who called himself her husband. She threw her hands over her face, tossing her head back and forth.**

******"Hey." Kate's voice was soft behind her.**

******She looked up fighting back tears as Kate stepped closer. "I don't think I could imagine what you're thinking about right now. But Jude, he seems like a good guy, you know? And he cares a lot about you. He was heartbroken when he thought you were dead. "**

******Tears began falling. Kate leaned in and embraced her warmly. "Everything will work out."**

******She watched Kate turn around and walk towards the door. "Wait a minute." She accompanied Kate into the living area. Jude was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. He looked up when Kate and Sarah approached. She managed a weak smile. Jude stood up, but remained near the couch anxiously watching her. Waiting for her to speak.**

******" I'm going to need some time. " She said. " You can't expect me to act or speak the same. " **

******"I won't have expectations. " He agreed. "And I'll give you whatever time you need. I am just so thankful that you're alive and safe. " **

******" Okay. Then I'll go with you, if it's all right with everyone. " She glanced at Jack.**

******Jack took his time in responding. She almost suspected that he would deny her even now. He rolled his eyes and then spoke. "It's fine I guess. You're not a secret anymore anyway. " **


	15. Music, Babies and Dharmaros

**Chapter 15 Music, Babies and Dharmaro's**

**Sarah woke under a warm blanket. Jude slipped it over her in the night. Tiny sunbeams poked through the crevices between the tarp and shrapnel pieces that made up the tent. Jude set it up thoughtfully, near a palm tree and a bunch of bamboos. He had made a little table with some wood across the way. She squinted when he pulled back the flap and entered.**

"How'd you sleep?" He asked smiling handsomely. "I have a bit of breakfast here if you're hungry. You've always loved oatmeal with fruit. "

**She returned his smile by turning up the corners of her mouth. "Like a rock. "**

**She sat, up noting his appearance. He was clothed in the same attire from the previous day as if he had remained awake through the night. "It doesn't look like you've slept at all." **

**He fiddled with the table and answered casually. "Oh …well, after you fell asleep, I went out to stretch my legs and wound up having a nice chat with Jin."  
**

**She nodded, with a "And who is Jin? " expression. **

**He chuckled. "Oh, right. You've been in the hatch all this time. Jin and his wife have a tent just a ways down. He's a pretty good fisherman. "**

Though she resisted, she could not help but stare. She did not know him. He looked on her with complete recognition, and she could not return the same. What bothered her more so was that she could not find the desire to even try. She felt nothing, and did not want to feel anything.

He lowered himself next to her, reaching out to touch her. "I'm sorry. I… " 

She rose and wandered to the opening. Pulling away the tarp, she gazed out over the gleaming sand. The beach was more than she expected. There were other tents set up all around and people were buzzing about. 

"Do ...Do we have children? " Her voice was sad and remorseful.

"No. No not yet. " He answered delicately.

She lowered her head. "Well, that's a good thing, I suppose." 

**He approached her apprehensively, visibly pained by her observation. "Sarah?"**

**She glanced over pitifully and then cast her eyes down. "I'm sorry. It's just that ... I wouldn't remember them. " **

" Oh Sarah." He whispered as he trailed a hand through the back of her hair.

His touch drew no response as she stepped out into the sunlight. The air was warm and salty. She could hear the roar of the ocean in the distance. She cast a hazel-eyed gaze out thinking she had seen a flash of yellow. She sighed heavily. "I haven't even been able to enjoy being outdoors. It's so beautiful. " 

He trailed behind her with unsteady steps. "Why don't we go for a walk then? Huh? Maybe meet some of the other Losties. "   


**He had caught her attention briefly as she turned her head and stared. "Losties?"**

" It's sort of a joke. " He smirked. " We're all lost out here so we've been calling each other Losties. "

She cupped her hand over her eyes. " I hope you don't mind, but ... can I just have a little time alone? "

He smiled painfully. " Oh sure. Sure, I understand. " Then he planted an awkward kiss on her forehead. " See you later. " 

As her figure dissolved into the horizon, leaving a trail of small footprints behind her, he watched thinking of an earlier moment in time.

_"Are you sure you're comfortable?"_

He had given her the window seat hoping to calm her.

She sat upright staring out into the puffy sky.

"Do you want anything? A soda? One of those lunch box things? "

He blew out a mouthful of air.

"Come on. How long can you go without talking to me? "

She ignored him further, without even a facial acknowledgement.

" What do you want? " he demanded sternly. " It was for your own good, you know. And this is for your own good. "

_**He bent his head forward, speaking in a lower, but pointed tone. "You won't make it out there. Not alone."**_

Her body tensed as she flicked a fiery glare at him. "Don't tell me what I can't do." ****

Sarah strolled for a half an hour or so, just listening and watching everything around her. It was a strange feeling, just walking along the beach aimlessly and not having her thoughts occupied with the fear of being locked up, tortured or killed. She nearly did not know what to do with herself. She approached a figure in the distance and found Kate standing near the shore. She greeted her and then asked, "What are you doin?" 

**Kate grinned. "Hey there. Well, I'm sinking. "**

Sarah scrunched her face in a look that questioned her even further.

Kate laughed. "Wanna try? You just stand here and let the waves wash over your feet and then ... well ... you will see. "  


**Sarah looked down and saw that Kate's legs ended at her ankles. Her feet were covered up completely by sand. She shrugged. After all, she was not pressed for time nor did she have any obligations. The bubbling foam tickled her ankles. Each wave swelled in and out in a hypnotizing rhythm. Slowly as the waves washed out the sand under her feet, she felt herself sink deeper. The sand was soft and warm. She closed her eyes and for a moment, she had found a grain of contentment. Her slice of heaven abruptly disappeared under the sound of Kate's prodding. "So, how's it goin? With Jude and all? " **

**She opened her eyes and turned her head to Kate. Damn, why did she have to do that? She shrugged. "Okay I guess. It's barely been 24 hours though. "**

"That's true." Kate agreed.

**Sarah found herself overjoyed when Kate excused herself. Not that she disliked her, but she had left the emptiness of her tent in order to clear her head and have at least a few minutes of her time. She had no desire of carrying Jude in her head as well. She watched Kate disappear over the horizon.**

Cutting her eyes to the side, she spotted a figure in the sand. She discovered a man with blondish hair, wearing a dark zippered jacket, with a hood hanging over his the back. He sat strumming his guitar as if it were the most precious thing in the world. She titled her head in admiration. "That's nice." 

"What? That? " He blushed, "Oh, I was just buggerin around."

" What does that mean? " She asked. " Buggerin around? "

" Ah, it's just an expression, love. Just messin around. Goofin off, you know? " 

She smiled, nodded and answered. " Oh " 

**She took notice of his blue eyes and boyish face. Though he presented a charming, carefree personality, something told her there was more to him under the surface. Something that probably went unnoticed by others. **

" I'm Charlie " He added. " Never got around to the introductions last time - with the blindfold and all. "

She had already recognized his voice. She flashed back to the day when Sayid brought her to the hatch. He called to Sayid, who told him to get Jack.

She laughed. "Ah. Right … those were the days. Well, hi Charlie. I'm Sarah. _At least that's what I've heard. "  
_  
He chuckled and then winked, raising a finger. " Ah, right. Glad to know you've got a sense of humor, eh? "

" Yea, " She responded with an eye twinkle. " Well, I hope so. " 

**She left Charlie strumming a soft tune, casting her eyes towards the splay of tents just over the san dune. A desperate cry turned her head. She followed it to the inside of a tent; there she found a crib holding a crying baby. Red-faced, it held its fists tightly to its chest. She reached out and the baby grasped her finger without reservation. She smiled into his blue eyes, and sighed. "Yea, that's kind of how I feel. " **

**The baby studied her face, and smiled, sadly reminding her of what she had said to Jude. What was she thinking? A young blonde woman barged in with a look of fury in her eyes. Sarah jerked around - this must be the mother. **

**  
"What are you doing?" She blurted out in anger.**

Startled, Sarah pulled away from the crib, staring anxiously back at her. "I'm sorry. I heard him crying. I was just. ... I didn't mean any harm. " 

"I'm sure you didn't." She retorted, scooping him up in her arms. "And just so you know, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of my own baby."

**As Sarah observed the two of them together, a strange feeling washed over her. She heard the words fall out of her mouth. "I know you are Claire. You're the only one who can. "**

" What? I didn't give you my name! " Claire responded in anger. " You don't know me. You don't know us. Leave us alone. Just go! " 

Sarah slowly backed away. Tear spilling over, she found herself sprinting out onto the shore. She stopped just by the shoreline. She bent over, resting her palms on her knees. She wiped the burning tears with her sleeve. What _did _she mean? And how _did_ she know Claire's name? It seemed that all of her efforts to understand and to remember caused more confusion if anything. 

**"Sarah?" She heard a familiar voice calling her name. "Are you alright? What's wrong? "**

Sayid had caught sight of her from his own tent, and ran out to meet her. She raised her eyes to his, hoping that she had successfully wiped the tears. "I'm fine … Really."

He placed a hand on her shoulder. "No, you're upset. Tell me what's wrong. "

She sighed. " Okay... I'll _be_ fine then. "

His face drawn up in concern, she knew he wasn't going to be content without a definitive response. She shook her head. "This … adjusting thing is just kinda hard."

"NowI know where I've seen you." Hurley had accompanied along behind Sayid. He eyed her with recollection. "I can't believe it. I can't believe I didn't remember before. Man, you were screamin like crazy when they ... " 

**An expression crossed his face as if he had revealed something he should not have.  
Sarah was hanging on his words, as her face perked up to hear him. "They what? Who are they? Tell me, please. " **

He shook his head. " It's a mistake … Dude, I made a mistake. It wasn't you, it was someone else. "

" But you... " She rejected desperately.

"Seriously. " He insisted.

**With his hand never leaving her shoulder, he studied her face with concern. **

**"Would you like me to walk you somewhere? Back to your tent? "**

" Sayid. Honestly … I'm fine. I can make it on my own. " She abruptly yanked herself away. For some reason she found herself almost angry at the offer. Irritated at the least. _I can make it on my own; I made it out there in the jungle ... out there on my own. I think I can make it just fine across a beach. _

When she reached the tent, she did not find Jude. She popped her head back out and looked back and forth, but he was not there. _Where could he be? _She thought. She shrugged. It was almost a relief.

She stood there pondering her response to Sayid. What was wrong with her? 

**  
"Brought ya somethin stripy." She had not expected to see Sawyer strolling by. He stopped in front of the tent and grinned. Cheeks puckered with dimples. His shirt hung open over his jeans, and he shifted his weight to one leg.**

"Think of it as a house warmin gift." He grinned, as he scanned her with sparkling blue eyes. She could have come up with many definitions for Sawyer, but thoughtful or courteous was not in there at all. If he had brought her a gift intentionally, he must have wanted something. Everything he did was for himself. After pondering his generosity, she received the small container from him and popped the top. Inside were little round black cookie sandwiches.

" Them's Dharmaro's " He mused. " You know… Dharma Oreos. " 

She answered with a blank stare. He smirked. "What? Never heard of Oreos? Or Dharma? "

She smiled in embarrassment. " Well, actually … I …" 

"**Well then …" He grinned as he cocked an eyebrow. "Looks like we gotta get you up to speed."**

" Anything I can get for you? " Jude's voice cut their fun short. He stood with his arms crossed, his eyes firmly meeting Sawyers.

"Who me?" Sawyer smirked. "Na, nothing I couldn't do myself for ... if I wanted."

He smiled competitively while circling around Jude. He gave Sarah a wink. "See ya round Stripy"

" Stripy?" Jude asked, flicking his eyes back to her.

She shrugged. "I dunno. I think it's because of my hair. Where were you? "

" Oh, I was ..."

She raised an eyebrow. " Talking with Jin again? "

"Something like that." He smiled. "Are you hungry yet?"

He guided her into the tent, turned and looked outside for a moment then smiled. A small glow illuminated the tent from the inside, revealing two shadows moving back and forth across the tarp. Somewhere in the darkness, in the quiet of the night, a twig snapped.  



	16. Korean

Chapter 15 Korean

_**"Are you him?" The woman behind the desk asked, greeting the six-foot tall slender man. He flashed a white smile at her, underneath a face full of scuffle.**_

_**"Hi …" He glanced at her nametag. "… Jan, I'm.… "**_

_**"Mr. Whitaker." The approaching gentleman held out his hand. "**_

"_**I'm doctor Brooks."**_

_**Jude received the greeting welcomingly, then took on a serious tone. "Where is she?"**_

_**Dr. Brooks walked with him down a white corridor to a door at the end of the hall. "We have her in seclusion. She is a feisty one. " He opened the door and then Jude followed him to another door with a small square viewing window in the middle of it.**_

_**" We gave her a sedative so I'm confident that she'll remain cooperative during your trip home. "**_

_**Jude peered through the window. Sarah lay on her side atop a small cot. The room was white and there were no other pieces of furniture in it.**_

_**Dr. Brooks opened the door. "Sarah, there's a visitor here for you. Mr. Whitaker has come to take you home. How does that sound? "**_

_**Jude stepped from around him and went to her. " Aren't you ready to go home now? "**_

_**"Make certain you see the nurse as you go out." Dr. Brooks directed. "She has some medication for you to take with you, including some of the sedative that I've given her. That will keep her calm during your flight. " **_

**Jude watched Sarah sleeping as the flash of memory ran through his mind. It was not supposed to be like this. It was should have been simpler. **

**"Where are you going?" She mumbled as she rolled over and caught a glimpse of him disappearing through the tent opening. **

**"Oh, I'll be back. Go to sleep and stop worrying. " **

**Sarah woke up alone to another bright morning, with plenty of sunshine poking its way through the tent. She sat up and waited for a few minutes, expecting Jude to appear, but he did not. She looked around and then stood up, making her way to the outside. A blur of pale yellow shot past her. When Vincent returned he was clenching a short gnarled limb between his teeth.**

**She laughed. "Wanna play huh? Ok, sure. " **

**He dropped the stick at her, sat on his haunches and barked with sparkling eyes, ears drawn back in anticipation. **

**"Okay, okay." She grabbed the slobbery piece of wood and chunked it as far as she could. Vincent darted off after it.**

**"Is this a private game? Or can anybody join? " She turned and saw a pretty blonde woman standing there. She looked at Sarah with large expressive eyes. "Hi, I'm Libby." **

**Sarah smiled sociably. "Hi, I'm Sarah. Were you looking for Jude? … Because he's not here, right now, but… "  
**

**Libby shook her head and responded. "Actually, no. I heard you had joined everyone out here on the beach and I thought I would come by and introduce myself. "**

**Sarah studied her for a bit. Vincent ran back throwing the stick on the ground and barking. Sarah gave him a crooked smile, and then grabbed his chin. "Youare a pest!" She groaned. Then gave the stick another toss. **

**She stared at Libby. "So, who sent you?"**

**Libby chuckled. "Well, nobody ...…" She sighed. "Well, Kate suggested that …" **

**"Right." She nodded. "It's okay. I'm sorry. I …"**

**"Don't worry about it." Libby answered. "You know, if you wanna hang out or something. A girl can never have enough friends. " **

**"Thanks!" Sarah replied. "I'll keep that in mind. Maybe tomorrow sometime? "**

**" Yea, maybe Kate can hang out with us. Just us girls. I think that would be great! " **

**Sarah said goodbye to Libby and headed off in no direction in particular. _So this is what people do all day around here._ She thought.**

**She recognized the figure when she saw it. He was wearing a powder blue shirt. It was unbuttoned revealing a beige tank underneath. He was perched atop a piece of metal fiddling with some sort of electronic device.**

**"What's that thing?" She asked peering curiously at the thing in his hands.**

**He looked up, smirking. "It's a radio transceiver."**

**She sat next to him watching him the way a child watches a big brother doing something exciting and amazing. He fiddled with the transceiver and then glanced up. "How are you this morning?"**

**"Oh, never better." She laughed. "What does it do? The transceiver thing? "**

**" It picks up radio signals. I was trying to get it working for Hurley. Let me see if I can find something for you. "**

**As he fiddled with wires and turned dials, various sounds came from it. A buzzing, then a short whine and a sound that was much like the ocean waves.**

**" Well, that's quite interesting. " She commented.**

**He smiled amusedly and shook his head. "I haven't found anything yet."**

**"Well, what was that …" Sarah's sentence was cut short when they detected short bits of music. Her mouth dropped open as she stared at the transceiver. She heard soft guitar strumming and a man's voice crooning. Her eyes began to glisten as she listened. Everything around her dissolved into music.**

**"Now I think I know, what you tried to say to me, and how you suffered for your sanity, and how you tried to set them free. They did not listen, they're not listening still, perhaps they never will. "**

**The short blurb abruptly flicked back to the senseless whining. Sayid ignored it, resting an elbow on the radio and propped his chin on his hand. His eyes held her in an interested gaze. She snapped out of the moment and noticed him. She blushed realizing she had been dreamily singing along.**

**"Perhaps you are recovering your memory quicker than you realize." He noted after a few moments of silence. **

**She darted an embarrassed glance at her feet. "It's just a song. It's been in my head since I woke up out there... in the jungle. "**

**"Yes." He answered. "But clearly it means something to you."**

**She smiled lightly. "Maybe you're right. You know I ... well, I was looking for Jude, so, I'd better ..."  
**

**She stood up and cupped her hands over her eyes looking out to the shore, then at the many tents all around them. "Sayid, do you know Jin?"**

**He squinted curiously at her question. "Well, yes ... Why?"**

**"Jude said Jin and his wife have a tent just down from ours somewhere. Jude said that he's been hanging out with him, ... Talking and fishing, I guess. "**

**Sayid's eyebrows drew together as he turned up his chin. " Are you certain he said Jin? He told you he's been speaking with Jin? "  
**

**She caught his tone and replied. "He did … and what's wrong? Why are you doing that? "**

**He pulled his lips in, then took a deep breath and shook his head. " It's nothing. Their tent is just over there. Continue straight and you will see it. "**

**She walked a few feet, and then turned back. " Sayid? "**

**He returned her look. " Yes Sarah. "**

**" I'm sorry I ...I'm sorry I v...vomited on you." She said shyly.**

**He smiled and drew a puzzled expression. "When did you do that?" **

**She nodded gratefully and then headed in the direction he pointed her. On her approach, she found a petite woman coming out of a tent. Her black hair glistened in the sunlight. She was breathtaking in a down stated manner, and carried herself gracefully. Sarah felt almost nervous in her presence. **

**"Hello." The woman greeted her. "Can I help you?"**

**"Do you know Jin?" She asked.**

**"Well, yes. I'm his wife. My name is Sun. " The woman watched her inquisitively.**

**Sarah thought it was a fitting name. She looked fragile on the outside with almond shaped eyes, and delicate features, but there was a quiet strength underneath."Oh. Well, I'm Sarah. I'm Jude's ...Jude's ... have you seen Jude? " **

**Sun shielded her eyes with her hand cupped over her brow and responded. "No not really. I don't see him often. "**

******Sarah glanced around and nodded. " He said that the two of them have been spending a lot of time talking and fishing and whatever. I was looking for Jude, so I thought they might be together. "**

******Sun frowned in puzzlement. " Does Jude speak Korean? "**

******"I'm sorry?"  
**

******Sun continued. "Korean. It's the only language Jin understands. He hasn't told me of anyone on the island who speaks it. And I haven't met anyone who does. I'm certain he would have told me if there were. " **

**"****Wait … I don't understand. Korean? "**

******" Korean. Yes. It's the language people from Korea speak. Just like you speak English. I speak both, but Jin cannot speak English, so, he would not be able to tell you if he had seen Jude because he would not understand you. "**

******Her breath grew rapid as Sarah's mind began to race. He had been lying to her, where had he been. She left Sun in an angered dash. Rage bubbled over with every thought of betrayal … Who had he been with? He had played the part of a concerned understanding husband who was patient and kind, but he was running out where in the middle of the night and not returning until dusk?**

******She was surprised to find him there inside the tent. The smell of broiled fish filled her nostrils. He turned and his mouth dropped when he saw the expression of anger on her face. **

******"Where have you been?" She demanded.**

******"Sarah, what's the matter with you?" He stepped towards her, but she recoiled.**

******"I'm serious Jude. I want to know. " She scowled. **

******He sighed and threw his hands in the air. "Jin and I were out fishing this morning. We went out just before dawn, before the sun came up. Sarah..."**

******"No. " She waved her hands. " No. No, don't tell me that lie. _Not this time_. I want to know the truth. "**

******" That _is_ the truth. What has gotten into you? "**

**********Nostrils flaring, her chest heaved in and out from the run while sweat rolled in large drops down the back of her shirt. "I came to look for you today, Jude. That's right. I looked for you and I found Sun. Do you know who Sun is?! She's his wife, I don't even care if you knew that or not! His _wife_, Jude. She tells me the oddest thing. Do you know what that was?! She said Jin doesn't speak English, Jude! How do you have a conversation with a man who doesn't understand English, Jude?! Ha? Tell me that! Because I'm _very_ interested! "**

**********He stood in front of her with his arms to his side, responding in a controlled tone. "First, let's calm down here."**

**********"No! " She rejected his patronizing. "I don't _want _to calm down! I want you to tell me that truth! _Who _were you with?! _Who_ were you with that you had to lie to me?! I trusted you! I came out here and agreed to sleep here; live here … I don't even know you! How can you betray me like this?! "**

**********"No, no, you've got it all wrong Sarah!" He denied.**

**********"Do I? Then you tell me how I'm supposed to have it! " She spat. " _Don't_ lie to me! "**

**********"Sarah, I speak Korean." He answered her.**

**********"Well, isn't _that_ convenient?!" She threw her hands in the air.**

**********"I _do_ speak Korean. I lived there with my parents years ago. I told you that, don't you remember? " He soon learned this statement was a grave mistake. The massive ball of rage and frustration came rolling out of her in a flame of glaring eyes and flailing arms as she blurted.**

**********"No! I _Don't_ remember! Or do you have amnesia too! No, I don't remember a damn thing! Not you … Not us … Not being married. No! God, I can't believe that you'd even ... Forget it, just …" **

**********She raised her eyes. "And that's another thing. Where do you get off telling me what I like and what I don't like?! Does having amnesia cancel out free will?!"**

**********Having been read by her, Jude was without a response. He stood before her seemingly defenseless while she ranted. "Are you gonna answer me Jude? Or are you gonna stand there gawking at me like some kind of freak? " **

**********It was then that she noticed the meal he had brought her. It almost seemed to mock her where she stood. She turned her lip in a snarl. "Boar? You brought me boar Jude? " **

**********In one final release, she scooped the plate up and slammed it face down in the dirt. **"**I don't like Boar! " **

**********She grunted frustration and then turned. Jude grabbed her wrist. "Sarah, don't!"**

**********She quickly yanked free. "Just leave me alone!" **

**********Their argument had drawn an impressive crowd. One that she ignored as she stormed off towards the water, fighting back another flurry of tears.**

**********Sayid pursued her. "Sarah. Sarah wait. " **

**********He followed until she stopped by the waters edge. She dissolved into explosive sobbing as she ran her hands over her head. Sayid stood quietly behind her as if pondering what to do or say next. She turned around and flew into his arms. **

**********He gently wrapped them around her and whispered. " It's okay. Everything is okay. " **

**********Then he pulled away, brushing her tears with his hands. "Tell me what happened? Why are you crying like this? "**

**********She turned, moving closer to the water while shaking her head. " I asked you why you had that look on your face. You should have told me. "**

**********"Told you what?"**

**********She turned around, staring at him with wet eyes and streaked face. "That Jin doesn't speak English. Jude couldn't have been out there talking with him in the middle of the night because he doesn't speak English. "**

**********"I see." He replied. "I'm sorry."**

**********He stepped up beside her as they both faced the water. "I didn't say anything because I wanted to be certain whether or not he was truly lying. " **

**********"How much more certain could you be?" She asked.**

**********"Well, I suppose I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. " He turned to her. "I had hoped to spare your feelings on the chance that my suspicions were incorrect."**

******"****You confronted him then?" He asked. "What did he say?"**

**********"He kept lying. " She replied. "Told me he knew Korean. Sayid, what has he really been doing? "**

**********"How would he know Korean?" He replied. **

******"****He said he lived in Korea with his parents. He said that he had already told me that and then almost belittled me for not remembering. "**

******"****And how would you remember that? " He observed. **

**********"Yes!" She exclaimed. "Thank you for seeing that! "**

"He could be telling the truth." He suggested. They looked out over the ocean and watched the white crests crash on top of each other, while she considered his proposal. "There could be a chance."

**********" There was only one other glaring discrepancy. " He noted. " You won't find any Man O Wars in the Gulf Coast, and even if you did, considering they are generally as long as a fully grown man, I hardly think you would have gotten off with a simple scar on your ankle. " **

**********He placed his hands on her shoulders, locking eyes with her. "Here's what I want you to do. Return to the tent. Accept what he tells you. Apologize if you need to. "**

**********" Apologize ?! " She gawked. "For what ?! "**

**********" Sarah, listen to me. " He urged. " I want you to make up with him, in any way that you can. He must believe the issue is resolved before the dawn comes. I will speak with Sun and Jin. If he has lied, I will discover it. If he has lied, then we need to know what he's been doing. Where he is going - for your safety. Do you understand me? "**

**********She stared into his eyes, soaking in his words. " If he has lied, I will be waiting for him to leave and I will follow him. I will not let any harm come to you. Just go and smooth it over. _I will be near_. "**

**********She couldn't fathom the difference between the old Sayid and the new. Yet, she trusted him. She left him and regretfully made her way back to Jude. She went over in her mind what she would say and how she would respond. She was entering when she heard voices.**

**********"She was fine." Jude said. "And then one day, she just started acting so strangely. It escalated from there. She would call me from another room thinking I had spoken to her when I hadn't said anything. She would swear I didn't call her when I was supposed to, and I did. She would forget conversations we had. Then there were the hallucinations. She made up a brother she never had, and then a mother. I just didn't know what to do. " **

**********"So, did she get on any medication or …?" Jack prodded.  
**

**********"Well, yea, at first. But she stopped taking it after a while. She would spit them out when I turned my back. ""That's pretty common actually. " Jack responded. **

**********Jude spilled out his story with ease. "Well, one day, she just left. Vanished. Didn't know where she was, who she was with. I get a call from Australia telling me she had been arrested. She was in someone's yard yelling about her brother being killed in Iraq. They sent her to one of their mental institutions and tracked me down. "**

**********"I'm sorry." Jack said.**

**********Jude's eyes widened as his jaw dropped. Jack turned. Sarah was standing just inside the tent, arms to her sides, staring blankly. The silence was deafening between the three of them as she processed what she had heard. Jude stepped forward. **

**********She said nothing as she retreated, turning her back on him and stepped out of the tent, stumbling into the sand. A sick feeling sank to her stomach, as if someone had punched the breath out of her. She reached a pile of rocks on top of a sand dune, lowered herself down onto them, and sat quietly as the numbness set in. **

******__****She was alone.**


	17. Who I Am Now

**Chapter 17 - Who I am Now  
**

**She wrapped her arms around her knees somberly, watching the seabirds dive in and out of the ocean. Jack's voice reverberated in her head. "So_, did she get on any medication?_ " _Crazy_. Jude was convincing him that she was crazy! She blinked back another gush of tears. _She had once considered the idea herself. _**

**She did not flinch or cut her eyes when Jack lowered himself next to her. She stared out into the endless water that met the sky somewhere far away. There was a time, not too long ago, yet seemingly years ago, when she sat by the water with Jack. When he told her she had a nice smile. When she learned that she shared the same name as his wife. She did not know then that it was actually her name. However, even now, she was not certain. She was very close to trusting him then. Close to telling him the truth. Jack was quiet, which made it easier to ignore him. Though, she could hear his breath. He had once so adamantly defended her to Sayid and then turned on her. Even now, she was certain he doubted her. This made her angrier. She drew a deep breath, and turned her head to him. He met her eyes with a steady gaze, waiting for her to speak.**

**"Just answer one thing for me." She said directly. He scanned her face. "Alright." **

**" No Jack. I mean it. " She said. " I want you to answer me and I want you to tell me the truth. You wanted the truth from me, and I gave it. I told you the truth. You once asked me how I could expect you to trust me when I couldn't trust you. Well, now I could say the same."**

**His light brown eyes never left hers as she spoke. "I'll tell you whatever you want to know." **

**She sucked in a breath, and then spoke so directly she nearly frightened herself.**

"The man in the hatch." You know the one I mean. The man in the suit ... with the white hair. You saw him. We both know it. I just want you to say it. I want to hear you admit that you saw him. "

**He stole a glance at the ocean, and then lowered his head. She pushed her feet into the sand while watching him. Then she spoke with a quiet intensity. "For all your speeches about truth Jack. Of building trust. You lied to me. You lied to me over something that cost you nothing to be honest about. "**

**A shadow of sadness crept over her face, growing with each word spoken.**

**"You made me doubt myself. You said I was seeing things and you gave me pills... And I took them. Do you know why? I took them because I was afraid of what might happen if I didn't. What would happen if I didn't _cooperate_. "**

**His eyes met hers and she felt her throat tighten.**

**"But more than that, I was afraid of what it would mean if you were right. If it were some kind of hallucination. I almost shot myself out there ... in the jungle. Because that's how afraid and confused I was. I thought I didn't have any hope left. _None. _"**

**She lowered her eyes to meet his.**

**"And for that Jack, I deserve to hear the truth. To hear you admit that you saw just what I saw. "**

**His face flushed red and he blinked a few times, running his hand over his face. Then he looked at her and nearly whispered. "He was my father."**

**Her eyes glistened as he continued slowly. "I was taking him home to bury him. I went after him in Australia because I was trying to save him. To try to undo so much. _Try to fix it. _But instead, I was bringing him home in a coffin. He was wearing that suit when he was on the plane. "**

**He glanced over the shore. " I thought I was just tired and I ignored it. Then I saw him standing in the water. So, I followed him. I chased him through what seemed like halfway across this island. I even saw him with a drink in his hand. I could hear the ice hitting the glass when he shook it. "**

**He chuckled sadly. " Then I found the coffin. It was just sitting there in the middle of all this wreckage, almost like a portrait of our lives. And I opened it. There was nothing inside. It was empty. So I took a piece of shrapnel, and I beat it to pieces. I didn't see him again until that day in the hatch. "**

**He shook his head and looked back at her. " I'm telling you this because you're the only one here who's seen him too. And because you do deserve to hear the truth. I looked right at him, and I told you I didn't see anything. _I lied_. The truth is, Sarah, I _do _regret what happened to you in there. What we did to you. _What I did. _I regret it, I wish that it could have been different, but I honestly don't know how. "**

**She swallowed the ball of emotion rising in her throat. " Thank you. That means everything to me. "  
**

**They sat there staring at each other. When she realized that she had been grasping his hand for quite some time, she quietly withdrew it.**

**He studied her thoughtfully. "You tried to shoot yourself?"**

******"I was confused." She responded. "Sayid jumped me so I pulled the gun on him. I was so upset that I just wasn't thinking straight. I knew I wasn't going to shoot him. But I knew that if I went back, you would lock me up in that room again. I didn't see any other choice. " **

******"I'm sorry that it got that bad." He said regretfully.**

******She tossed her head. "I have these pictures in my head. Well, they're more like feelings. I see this bright light. There are a bunch of people around me. Then there's this room. It's dark and wet. The floor is dirt and it's cold. I can hear water dripping. It's small and when I think about it, it scares me. It was so real that I couldn't think about anything else. I didn't want to go back there. "**

******He listened to her and nodded absentmindedly. " It's obviously a memory. It sounds like a hospital to me. "**

******"A hospital?" She questioned. She unclasped her hands and turned her body to face him. "What's that mean?"**

******She processed the train of thought rapidly. Pushing herself on her feet, she flicked him a scornful look. "A_ hospital_. You mean like a mental ward? You think I'm crazy. After all that, you actually think I am crazy! You don't believe me! " **

******" No, I just ... "**

******" No Jack. _Don't bother_. " She announced flippantly. " I don't know why I bothered myself. Trying to explain anything. You don't really listen. You think you know the answer already and you have the solution. Well, you don't have all the answers and you can't _fix_ everything! "**

******He stood up and approached her. " Sarah, I'm really sorry. I never meant to upset you. I came here to ... "**

******" To what? What?! Convince me to come back with you and take my medication? Jack, do you _really _think I look like a crazy person? "**

******He thought about it. " When you're not yelling at people, no. "  
**

******"I'm NOT crazy! _God Jack!_ You're so infuriating! " She growled. " Sayid believes me … _why can't you?_ Why can't you ever just believe me without question? Why can't _you_ trust _me _for a change?"  
**

******She backed away from him, turned and stormed off, leaving him poised on the sand watching her. She grumbled to herself as she made her way to the tent … _and I was going to tell him about the other hatch. Good thing I didn't._**

******As soon as she caught sight of the tent, she spotted Jude. He had not seen her.  
She watched him grab something and make his way around the tent, disappearing into the woods. She looked around, but saw nothing of Sayid.**

******She quickened her pace and followed Jude. Once she entered, she slowed down and listened. She thought she heard the sound of footsteps over the dried leaves and twigs.**

******Just as she began to pursue, a certain odor stopped her. The scent was so familiar. It was a burning kind of smell. Pungent, but rich. She rolled her eyes searching her mind trying to recall it. The image of a table flashed in her mind. The two chairs in the question mark hatch, and the table between them. There was a tray with ashes. The smell. The man in the hatch had lit a cigarette. This was the scent she picked up. She froze as the realization crept up on her. She pictured the man in her mind. He was tall and dark.**

******"What are you doin out here?" Jude asked her, drawing himself from behind the shrubbery. "Have you calmed down now?"**

******He sucked a long draw from the cigarette in his hand, and then puffed out a cloud of smoke. She fixed her eyes on him calmly, but her mind was reeling from the revelation. "I'm better, now. Yes. Jude, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I shouldn't have run. " **

******Stamping out the cigarette, a thoughtful but disconcerting smile spread across his face. Then he said calmly. "I'm not holding anything against you. You've just had a very rough time of it. But it will be better now. Everything will be better now. " Sensing impending danger, she agreed with him. " You know, I think that you're right. I think that everything will be better. Can we go back to the tent now? I am really hungry. "**

******" Yes, yes I'm sure that you _are _hungry. But, don't worry. You'll have plenty of food in a bit. Now come on. Let's go. "  
**

******He grabbed her hand, but pulled her farther away from the beach and deeper into the woods. "Jude wait. Wait, the tent is the other way. Where are we going? "**

******He stopped as a frightening smile stretched across his face. " It's time to come home now, Laren. "  
**

**__****He took a drag out of his cigarette and plopped down into the chair in front of the monitors. They had her in the booth, feeding her. Jack was interrogating her about whom she was and where she came from. He studied every word and expression carefully. He memorized everything that was spoken between them. **

**__****They had all been so gullible that it was easy to remain there among them even after the Ethan incident. Ethan was a twit, made too many mistakes. Jude had been careful and worked discreetly. All he needed do was wait until it was time to follow orders. What sweet pleasure it was when he had discovered they had found some young woman wandering the woods like little red riding hood. Klugh would do her part and he would do his. He smiled wryly. He would do the job right. **

******  
Sarah yanked her hand away. "I'm not going with you. You're not taking me anywhere. "**

******They stood among the tall bamboo; thick heavy trees towered over them. Her eyes cut side to side, searching.**

******"Don't you want to go home? " He spoke in a controlled tone. "Aren't you tired of fighting?"**

******She replayed the image in her mind. Walking into the dimly lit hatch - The Pearl - smelling the cigarettes, staring into the screens displaying pictures of Locke and Henry. Being frightened off by the man. It played repeatedly in her mind as she squinted a glare at him. **

******" You were watching us. " She blurted. " You were watching us in that other hatch! That's how you knew so much about me! "**

******" You have always been very intuitive. Perceptive. " He observed. " But I already know you. Yes, I know you well, Laren. I only watched so that I could learn what you told them. Waited till it was time for your dear old Dad to make his break, and now you're making yours. " **

******His words sent her mad with speculation. Her dad? Could he mean Henry? Surely, he was playing mind games with her. She was unresponsive, hoping to not be led by his attempts at entrapment.**

"You need us, Laren. We're your family. " He pleaded. " No one out there really cares about you. "  


**__****No one out there really cares about you - ****the words sunk into her and pulled her down like a cement block dragging her under water. Drowning her. **

******She thought about Claire and the look in her eyes when she told her to go away. Sadness spread over her like a shadow. _She was alone. _**

******Jude grabbed her arm. "It's going to be dark soon, we need to start moving."**

**********He pulled, but she did not budge. Her eyes displayed a far away look. Memories rolled through her head like a movie. Standing by the waters edge and feeling the ripples lap at her feet, the warm air on her face, the salty smell. Watching the tide wash in and out. It felt like freedom. She thought of how it felt when she cried in Sayid's arms. The way Jack sometimes laughed and talked at the same time. The funny expression that would cross Sayid's face when something amused him. Falling asleep in his lap by the fire. Locke trusting her to push the button. She remembered Dharmaros and slimy dog-slobbered sticks. The way Sawyer's cheeks dimpled as if someone had squeezed them and left their thumbprints. Kate's gentle manner. Charlie's buggerin around. Sinking. Transceivers. She thought of broiled fish served with a bottle of water sitting in a booth. She remembered drifting off to sleep under a blanket on a bunk bed. _On a bed_. **

******__****She remembered****. She had spent so much time trying to recall her past; she had not realized ... She had memories already. New memories with people who had come to care about her. ****_Whom she had come to care for. _**

**********This place, on the island ... on the beach ... in the hatch. This was what she knew and this is what she was familiar with. This was the place where she slept and had finally come to feel safe. The only thing that was real. **

**********_This was home _- nothing else mattered.**

**********"No!" She exclaimed. "Home is back there. Home is back there on the beach. "**

**********She forcefully yanked her arm away from him and glared. " It's with them and not with you! Not with you and the others! "**

**********She felt a confidence rise from within her. A feeling of purpose and strength. A feeling that pushed out all the fear and confusion. She held her head up, and breathed in the air deeply as if for the first time. It filled her chest. Head raised she spoke defiantly. "It doesn't matter who I was before. It matters who I am now. "**

**********"Who you are?" He scoffed. "You haven't the slightest clue who you are. And if you did know, it would scare you. "  
**

**********She scowled a resolved determination. **

**********"Don't make this difficult Laren." He warned. "I don't want to hurt you. But I will if I have to… To get you back to where you belong. "**

**********" No. " She said sternly. Her eyes fixed on him. "No, you won't. Because I'm not going with you. I'm going back to the beach. I'm going to go back to where I belong … with them! "**

**********She darted towards the beach. Jude took off after her. She felt the impact when he jumped her, throwing her to the ground. He pinned her arms down. His breath was in her face, hot and stinky from cigarette odor.**

**********"Let me go!" She yelled. " _Sayyyiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiidddddddddddddd_ !!!!!!!!!!!!**

**********She screamed his name hoping he was close ... as he said he would be.Jude, lay on top of her. His body quivering with laughter. Between laughs, he mocked her. "Sayid. Ah, yes ... Sayid. You don't think I didn't know he'd been stalking me do you? _I'm not stupid. _"**

**********Horror filled her eyes. " What did you do?! What did you do to him?! "**

**********" Oh you needn't worry for your precious dark knight. He won't be bothering us. No one will. We're too far out for anyone to hear you anyway. "**

**********"I said, get off me! " She screamed as she pushed forward with all of her might.**

**********She found herself on top of him. He lie under her jerking and twitching. Something hard poked her in the leg. She rolled off him and reached in his pocket. There was a square box small enough to fit in the palm. The top of it looked strange. Instinctively, she touched his arm with it. His body riddled with more twitching and jerking. She pulled away and stood up slowly, staring with her eyes wide and filled with surprise. She stared at the box in her hand and back at him. There was a switch on it. She flipped it. Then she touched him with it again, and nothing happened. She pushed it into her pocket while slowly backing away.  
**

******__****Sayid. ****Where was he and what had Jude done to him? She turned and darted out into the woods. Back in the direction from where they had come. She ran faster than she had before. Past the bamboo and palms, she beat back the shrubs and limbs. Her arms to gathered scrapes from the thorns and sharp, jagged twigs. ****_According to Jude, whatever plans there were to break Henry out were to happen timed with his retrieving her from the beach._ She saw a break in the trees and soon came to the hatch opening. She grabbed it with both hands dragging the door open. She flew into the tunnel. "Jack! "**

**********Her voice was cut short by a quick pop. Her stomach flip-flopped inside of her. **

******__****She was able to recognize gunfire by now****. She crept to the entrance, holding back a sense of terror. The dark haired woman was stretched out across the couch with a deep red blotch on the shirt, her eyes wide open. Libby lie on the floor on her back. Another man, dark skinned stood in the doorway of Henry's room.**

**************Henry stood up staring at the man. It made her skin crawl. She saw the man slowly drag the gun to his shoulder. She ducked low, pulling herself from the doorway through to the other side - her eyes fixed on them. She heard another pop as the man pulled the trigger on himself. **

**************New waves of terror rippled through her as she scrambled into a small crevice. She curled up there holding her breath. Henry ran past her and then escaped through the hatch door. She sat trembling, curled up in the crevice taking shallow breaths.**

**********__****The others had come. **


	18. SOS

**The Swan hatch was quiet, aside from the persistent eerie echoes of water plopping down from a drain. The thick smell of death lingered in the air. Sarah remain hidden. Drawn up into a ball, she covered her mouth with her hands, and peered through an open space watching the dark skinned man fumble around the hatch gathering short gasps of air, staggering aimlessly. Fearful of being detected, she eyed him carefully, waiting out the moment for escape. Her own breath pierced her like knives filling her chest, as she laboriously sucked in air. She could not control the tremors rattling under her skin. "One_, T…two ….three … "_**

**She forced her head slowly around the edge. His back was to her as he stood facing Henry's empty room. Both Henry and Jude had called her Laren. How much of Judes story was real and how much was propaganda aimed at befuddling her into becoming easier prey? She loathed admitting the obvious, nonetheless, it appeared likely this was one single plan designed to kill two birds with one stone. Breaking Henry from the hatch while luring her into the jungle with the intention of dragging her to the others dwelling place. They knew exactly who would be in the hatch from monitoring the cameras in the Pearl. She wondered if that is where Jude had been going to all of this time. To watch the cameras and gather more information, or was someone else meeting him and swapping information? Once they were ready, one would break into the Swan while Jude grabbed her. Could this man be the one? If so, why would he put a bullet into his own shoulder? **

**How easily detectable schemes are after the fact. **_**Hindsight is twenty-twenty - so they say. **_

**She cast a desperate glance through the tunnel leading to the hatch door. Sayid was out there somewhere, possibly injured or worse. If that were not enough, she had no idea what this recon mission of theirs entailed. Was it confined to her and Henry or were they unthinkably ambushing the entire camp on the beach? Chills ran through her as she considered the possibility that they had gotten to Jack and the others already. _She had to know. _They had surely rested their plans on Henry's escape and her capture. At least one sanction of their strategy had been foiled - _she was free _- and perhaps that could be used to her advantage. **

**The exit leading to the beach was not that far, she could make it from where she was. She cut her eyes over searching for signs of movement, but he remained standing in the doorway of Henry's old room, with his back to her. Grasping her pants pocket, she opened her mouth and gulped one large breath. Crouching low, she crept stealthily towards the tunnel, keeping her eyes fixed on him.**

"Who's there? " He demanded, flipping around. "Who the hell are you?! " 

******She stood frozen as if perhaps he would not detect her if she were not moving. She viewed the macabre scene. He was poised, disconcertingly, among the bodies, blood dripping from his shoulder. _Bland was definitely not what you would call her adventures as of late._ **

******Aware of the fact that he was not going to let her go easily, she took a flying sprint towards the hatch door, but was thrown by the man leaping forwards, catching her ankle on the way down. She screamed, tumbling face forwards. He grasped her ankle tightly as he lie on his stomach, arms outstretched. **

******She landed with an "Oomph! "**

******"Get back here! " He yelled, clinging to her ankle. He crawled upwards, pulling his body on top of hers. She turned over in one swift motion, curved her body while stretching out her hand and touched his arm. He jolted back, wriggling, as if he had been struck by lightening. She repelled to her feet and watched him squirming on the smooth, damp floor, and then she flipped the switch on the little black box, returning it to her pocket. **

******The irony was that while attempting to victimize her, Jude had managed to empower her, even if it were only through a small defensive item. It had handed her victory twice already. And she had Jude to thank for that.**

******She left the man writhing inside the tunnel, as she made her way outside. She shoved the hatch door open and sprinted out into the cool night air. The serenity of it all took herby surprise. Frogs were chirping to each other, while a blanket of clouds passed through the stars lightly spraying the ground with a misty drizzle. She glanced in all four directions and then started out towards the beach. Tiny firelights revealed the campsite in the distance. She increased her pace, dashing towards them in desperation. Her thoughts beat madly in her head. Was this it? Had they taken over the entire camp? Would they kill them all? It was too much to invade her headspace with. **

******While throwing limbs out of the way, she hit something firm. That something firm grabbed her by the elbows and braced her when she slammed into his chest. She began to push against him, but his grasp tightened. She braced the palms of her hands against him, pushing with all of her strength.**

******"Let me go! " She screamed. **

******"Sarah. Sarah, it's okay! "She jerked her head up, startled by the voice and found brown eyes staring at her in concern. She trembled under his arms. **

******"Jack! " She exclaimed. "Oh Jack!" **

******She grabbed his head. "Oh my God, I thought they had gotten you too! "**

**********His arms halfway around her, he scanned her face. "Okay. Just relax. Relax. You're safe. It's okay. "**

**********He placed a warm palm on her cheek, as tears streamed down and through his fingers. Hands resting on his chest, her eyes gleamed with fear. "Jack, he killed them. He ...he killed them! He shot them! "**

**********"Who killed who? " Sawyer leapt up beside them, his brows drawn together like a shadow over his eyes. She struggled to speak between breaths. Kate and Locke both stared at her as Jack answered calmly. "Tell me what happened. "**

**********She sucked in air. "In the hatch! Oh my God Jack! Oh My God, they're both dead! Libby, that other woman! He killed them! Now Henry's gone! "**

**********Jack and Sawyers eyes met. They nodded at one another. "Sarah, stay with Kate. " Jack told her as the four of them, along with Locke, took off to the hatch. Jack and Sawyer took the lead. Kate and Sarah followed behind them and Locke took up the rear.  
**

**********The were approaching the hatch when the door flew open and the dark-skinned man tumbled out of it. He caught a glimpse of Sarah standing among Jack and the others. Sarah found it difficult to find her voice. "That's … "**

**********"Michael! " Jack exclaimed, running to his side. Sawyer was right behind him.**

**********Sarah's mouth gaped open. She looked at Kate. "Michael? "**

**********" Michael disappeared. " Kate responded. " We didn't know if we were ever gonna to see him again. He came back to us a couple of days ago, just after you left. I'm sorry, you've been out on the beach and I guess you missed him. "  
**

**********She watched in confusion while Jack and Sawyer got Michael to his feet. Her mind raced in a flurry of thoughts. They knew this man. Had he been with them all along or had they found him here as well? Regardless, it did not matter, Jude had been with them from the time of the crash as well and he was an other. She followed them into the hatch. Kate ran to the dark haired woman and Sawyer kneeled down near Libby. Kate turned a sad face to Jack. "She's dead. "**

**********Sawyer leapt back as Libby coughed blood into the air. She was alive. Sarah jerked her head to Michael who stared at Libby with shock and fear. Then his eyes met hers. It was a threatening gaze. One that warned her she had better not tell anyone what she saw.**

**************Sawyer and Jack fought over who would go after Henry. Sawyer made a good observation. Jack was the only doctor, who would care for Libby if he went traipsing off into the jungle without any clue as to which way Henry had gone ? **

**************Another figure darkened the corridor. Sarah had not seen one like him before. He was darker than she imagined anyone could be, tall and impressively muscular. With large eyes, he convinced them to allow him and Locke to go after the man. Jack would remain to look after Libby. Sarah listened without speaking and cast a glance to Locke. He had only recently left his crutches behind, was it a wise choice to allow him to go after the man? However reasonable the observation was, the decision was not hers and neither did she voice her objection. Locke and this new man, Eko, left the hatch for the enveloping darkness outside. **

**************Sarah stood, taking in the scene. Death surrounded her, making her feel sick to her stomach. The door to Henry's room remained open. A shadow of memory brought back the sound of gunfire in her head, of Michael holding the gun against his shoulder and Henry freely bolting out of the hatch. No thought could overpower the awareness that Sayid was still out there. _Missing._**

**************She had to speak up. She had to say something. She tagged along behind Jack, desperately trying to tell him what happened. "Jack, I ... " **

**************He spread his hands over the food counter. His head hung low. She made another attempt. "Jack, I came in here looking for you because…. "**

**************"Listen. " He said. "Just. I've got to... " **

**************She stood a couple of feet away. " Jack, I've got to tell you. "**

**************Without raising his head, he spoke definitively. " You can tell me later. "**

**************She turned her head and scanned the hatch. Libby lying on the cot. Michael sitting at the booth, eyeing her suspiciously. Sawyer comforting Kate on the couch. Jack made his way to the bunk bed with a cold rag. Michael walked over to the doorway, with his back to her. No one seemed aware of her presence, as if she were invisible. If so, they would not know or care if she were not there at all.**

**************She slipped back into the corridor, crept down the corridor to the hatch door and placed her hands against it. She took another glance back and then pushed it open, getting a breath of fresh air. She stepped out and considered where to go. **

**************She did not have to consider very long. She kicked up her heels and sprinted towards the beach, images of the evening flashing through her head. Jude, the gunfire and death. She pushed the fearful thought out of her mind. Then one that said Sayid was somewhere out there lying on his face …she cut the image short. **

**************_No, Sayid was safe_. **

**************The fire glowed in the center of the camp, illuminating the tents peacefully as if there were no threat of danger all around. At least she knew that the others had not attacked the entire beach but were confined only to the hatch and Sarah. Perhaps the other two women were unplanned casualties. **

**************Her feet sinking into the sand, she persisted until she reached a single tent, near higher ground. The waters edge was just over the sand dune. The tent was dark. She stood outside uncertain if she should enter … _or not_.**

**************She called him in a whisper. "Sayid? " **

**************No response.**

**************She called him again, louder this time. "Sayid? Sayid are you in there? Please answer me. " **

**************No response.**

**************She rolled the options around in her mind. She would feel horrible if she walked in on him and he were there sleeping. But if he were missing, she would not know. She had to be sure. She reached for the opening, sliding her hand between the tarp and peered into the tent. She sighed - _he was not there._**

She looked back over the rest of the tents with her hand cupped over her eyes. She had no hint of where to go. Where to look. She made her way towards the shoreline hoping she would find him there, but she found only the waves crashing in and the sand spread out for miles. She stared out into the dark sea, as the drizzle of rain fell heavier into a light blanket. _Where are you? _

**************There was no movement in the camp. In the middle of the night, everyone was sleeping comfortably and peacefully unaware of what was going on among them. **

**************She wandered around aimlessly and found herself at the edge of the jungle, staring into it. What if they were out there, somewhere, waiting for her to go back in? **

**************She just did not know where to look.  
**

**************As the rain poured down, she turned and trudged through the damp sand. She revisited his tent with some glimmer of hope that perhaps he had returned as well ... but the tent was empty. She stepped in, shivering from the dampness and lowered herself to the ground. Curling her knees under her chin, she trembled in the dark loneliness of the tent, wrapping her arms around her legs. **

**************There she remained, eyes fixed towards the entrance, watching, waiting … as she quivered in the dark listening to the showers gently falling. **


	19. The Truth

_**A yellow light swung back and forth over a dirty floor. Her head pounded, and her limbs were not functioning very well. It was an effort, but she managed to open her eyes briefly to see the boy standing under the dim light, watching her quietly as an icy voice called her from behind the windowless door. "You've been very bad Laren. You've misbehaved. " **_

_**The boy knelt down, cast a brown-eyed gaze into her face and then drew his finger to his mouth. She blinked, and suddenly found herself sitting upright, staring out of the window, watching a blanket of clouds pass by. They looked like big, white cotton balls, floating in a sky of violet haze. The hum of the engine had lulled her into drowsiness. Her eyes were half closed when they abruptly dropped altitude. Her eyelids flipping open, she witnessed people tossed around as though they were rag dolls, bodies slamming into the ceiling. Oxygen masks tumbled from overhead while luggage bags were slung around by invisible hands, bouncing off bodies.**_

The seat next to her was empty. Jude had excused himself to the men's room only after he could no longer hold his urine. She had hoped that maybe he would have an accident. 

_**She would have a chance still … A chance to be free.**_

A chance to live.

There was a grinding, ripping noise as metal ripped apart and twisted into knots. A sharp piercing sound. Without warning, their section of the plane - along with the cockpit - ripped apart at the back, severed from the rest of the plane. First, there was what sounded like a giant suction and then a disturbing void of air. Terrified screams were drowned out by the powerful vortex pushing through the ripped up, mangled gaping hole, sucking at them. One by one, it grabbed bodies and yanked them out through the back. She, in sheer horror, attempted to divert her eyes, but could not help observing the view from the side window. They were plummeting down in a spiral, twisting and turning in the crystal sky, the sun peering in through the gaping hole. The deep blue ocean closed in and for a moment, she assumed they would plunge into its depths. Her heart pounded.  


_**Then blackness. **_

_**She heard the popping noise, felt the searing pain and her face against the soft grass. **_

_**She heard the popping noise and saw the man stumble in the hatch. She saw the bodies, smelled the stench of death. She trembled inside the crevice. **_

_**Jude grabbed her in the jungle and yelled at her. "Nobody cares about you! Nobody cares! "**_

She felt the coldness of the damp room, felt the searing pain. It was dark. It was so dark. She heard the voice. "You've been very bad. You know what happens when you misbehave. " 

_**The boy knelt beside her, drawing his finger to his mouth "Shhhh …"**_

**Sarah bolted upright, horror pulsing through her veins, and drug herself farther back screaming until her throat hurt. She screamed a second time at the light touch of a hand. **

"Sarah, it's me. It's just me. " Sayid kneeled before her. He caught her head between his hands and held it still. "Shhhh … look at me. It's all right. You're all right. "

Trembling, she stared at him with fearful eyes and whispered. "Sayid? "

" I'm here. " He answered softly.

Melting into deep sobs, she threw herself into his arms. He drew her close, cradling her gently, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

"I thought I was gonna die. " She cried. "I thought I was gonna die! "

"It's alright. " He comforted. " You're all right. You're safe. "She rambled incoherently but he listened attentively and heard. "We were spinning around and around. All those people. " 

He pulled away scanning her face. " What people? What people are you talking about? " 

**She met his eyes with a helpless expression. "The people on the plane. It sucked them out of it. It just sucked them right out. Everyone was screaming. " **

**He set an intense gaze on her, studying her with concern. "You're talking about the plane? When the plane crashed? "**

She stared up at him, his palm rested warmly on her cheek. " I was there, you were right - I was really on the plane! "

He pulled his feet around and sat cross legged in front of her, his eyes flicking across her face. " Sarah. Where is Jude? "

"Jude. " She murmured dazedly. "He ... He was there too. He wasn't in his seat. "

"Sarah, look at me. " He nudged her firmly, sliding a finger under her chin and lifting her face to his. "Tell me where Jude is. What happened? Did he hurt you? "  


"**Jude. " She whispered, lips trembling. "No. " **

"_**Nobody cares about you! Nobody cares! " **_**Flashed in her head. She murmured slightly closer to coherency and then with intensity. "I followed him into the jungle. He grabbed me. He tried to drag me away. I fought him. But he… "She dropped her words abruptly, flicking her eyes to his. " Where were you? " **

**He opened his mouth, but was not quick enough as she took a gulp of air and continued hesitantly. "He knew you were following him. He said you … I thought he … "**

**She dropped her head as if shamed. "I thought he had done something to you. "**

"I am. " He admitted with pensive regretfulness. "I'm so sorry that I was not there. I learned he had discovered me too late. He knocked me unconscious. I woke up in the dark. I have spent most of the night searching for you. _Fearing the worst. "_

"**I went to the hatch. " She continued. "I went to look for Jack, to tell him what happened. And to get help. I came here. I looked on the beach. "**

"You were sleeping when I came in. " He nodded. " You were having a nightmare. "

**She pressed the palm of her hand into her forehead. "Oh God … Sayid. Henry's gone! Jack wasn't there. Henry is gone! He escaped, Libby was shot, and so was that woman - the one with the black hair. She's dead! "**

He was sitting with his arms resting on his knees and took her hands in his, listening carefully to her words. His face drew into a serious, questioning gaze. "Ana Lucia is dead? I don't understand. "

Sarah noted the look in his eyes and was carried to the events of the previous evening. The odor of death turned her stomach even now. Ana was sitting upright, arms spread across, knees apart. There was no remorse in Michael's eyes, no regret. Only the fear that Sarah or Libby might reveal his gruesome actions. 

**Her mouth dry and sticky, she answered his questioning eyes. "I heard a gunshot when I went in. I hid. Ana and Libby had both been shot … and Michael … "**

**She pictured him holding the gun on himself and pulling the trigger. Of the one shot ringing out. His eyes burned through her in deadly threats. She clenched his hands. "I thought that the others had come. I didn't know what was happening. Until I found Jack and the others. Kate, Sawyer.**

**She turned her head sideways, squinting as she fought back another round of tears. "I tried to tell Jack. Tell him what happened with Jude - that you might be out there somewhere hurt … but he just would not listen. " **

**He sighed while running a thumb across her hand. "I'm alright. But I am sorry that I was not there to help you. " **

**He lowered his head, turning his eyes upwards, indicating a serious tone. "Have you told anyone else what happened? "**

**She shook her head. "No one. " **

**He nodded. "Good. Keep it that way - for now. Do not mention any of this to**

**anyone - at least until I return. " **

**He rose, approached the exit, and then turned to her. "Will you be all right? I won't be gone long. "**

She nodded regretfully.

He studied her as if debating whether he should leave her, then spoke assuredly. "Don't worry. You'll be safe here. "She sat staring at the exit, fearful of stepping outside. But she heard the sound of birds chirping and the ocean lapping up on the shore. It was inviting and comforting. She walked out into the warm sun. A gentle breeze was blowing. She breathed deeply. It was a fresh day, and she was alive. 

**She was safe - She was home.**

"Hello. " A woman's voice called from behind. Startled, she turned around and saw a plump, dark skinned woman. Her face was soft and friendly. "I don't think I've met you before, honey. My name is Rose. "

She smiled weakly. " I'm Sarah. "

"Well, it's nice to meet you Sarah. I was just out for a little walk. " She stepped up near the water.  


"**Walks are good for you. Therapeutic. I always come back thinking clearer. " **

**  
Though initially startled by her presence, Sarah eventually decided that she liked Rose. She was outspoken, which took some getting used to, but insightful. Sarah also observed an inner strength that was admirable. One that gently demanded respect. **

**They spoke for quite some time. Sarah learned that Bernard, Roses husband, was in the tail section of the plane. However, Rose never lost hope that he was alive. A message of Hope - yes that was something Sarah needed to hear. Nearing the end of their conversation, Sarah smiled, knowing she had found a friend in Rose.**

Her gaze strayed towards the tent and she caught sight of Sayid. He was busy fumbling through his things. She made her way over the hill towards him, but slowed to a standstill at the sight of a figure approaching him. A fearful shiver jolted her as she recognized Michaels face. She drew up beside Sayid as he stretched out a gentlemanly hand. "Good luck Michael. "

Michael linked hands, locking eyes with Sarah. Fear surged through her like lightening. His face was stern, but he said nothing. He did not have to. She drew back a few steps behind Sayid's shoulder. Michael dropped his hand and turned away. They watched him walk back towards the rest of the camp.  


**Sayid turned, flicking his eyes over her. "Michael has a son. " **

**She met his eyes feigning interest, in an attempt to hide her anxiety. He seemed to be unaware, turning to the weapons he had lain down before him while giving her sketchy details. "Michael built a raft, in hopes of finding help. Instead, the others took Walt, Michael's son, and blew up the raft. They landed on the shore up towards the northern tip of the island. This is where they found the tail section of the plane. Where they met Libby, Ana… and Bernard - Roses husband. "**

He turned from his fiddling with guns to glance at her. " I saw you talking with Rose. "

"I spoke with Jack. " He continued, dropping his head as he dealt her another hand of dreadful news. "Libby is dead as well. "  


**Her heart sank, leaving behind a hard dizzy feeling. Where would it all end? He nodded towards the camp. "They are organizing a group to go after the others. To get Walt back. "**

Sarah turned away, crossing her arms. He moved after her, placing himself before her and turned her face up to his. After studying her with a searching gaze for several seconds, his face reflected a pointed expression. 

"Now, " He said. " What is it that you are not telling me? "

**Michael was gifted in the art of intimidation. On the other hand, perhaps she was just easily intimidated. Regardless, she had come to learn that she could not hide anything from Sayid. Beyond whether or not she couldn't, she did not want to. Not since that day in the jungle when he saw her at her most vulnerable state, and she had a glimpse of his as well. If she hid anything from him, he would know. He stood awaiting a response.**

"It's Michael. " She confessed sadly.  


**He held her in his eyes and responded. "I'm listening. "  
**

**She answered quietly, but in a stressed tone. "Henry didn't shoot Michael in the shoulder. And Henry didn't kill Ana or Libby. Henry didn't have the gun. "**

She drew a deep breath, flicking her eyes pitifully across his face. His deep, almost black eyes, held her in his gaze. Thick, dark eyebrows pointed downwards. She hesitated for a few seconds, readying herself. "When I ran in, I heard a shot. I didn't know what was happening. I got to the entrance. Ana was stretched out across the back of the couch. There was blood over the back of it. Libby was on the floor. Blood was everywhere. Michael was standing in the doorway and Henry was standing up looking at him. "

**He did not mutter so much as a " go on " as he took in her words. Acutely aware of his quietness, she set to finish what she had started. "I … I saw Michael turn the gun on himself. He shot himself. He let Henry escape, and I think he gave him to gun too. " **

The wait was painful as Sayid digested the story. He then nodded as if agreeing. 

"**So, it's as I thought. " **

"As you thought? " She said. 

He nodded. "Yes. I have suspected that perhaps Michael had something to do with Henry's escape. "

"You believe me? " She asked. 

**He laid his hand softly on her neck and assured her. "Yes, Sarah. I believe you. "  
**

"**I tried to get out, before he saw me. He jumped me when I was running down the tunnel. He grabbed my ankle. I hit him with this. " She withdrew the small black box from her pocket. "I don't know what it is, but when you flip that switch and hit somebody with it, it stops them. Jude had it. It must have switched on or something because he started twitching and that's how I escaped. "**

He took it from her and studied it, rolling it in his hands. " It's some type of taser. So… they have other weapons. "

"A what? "

" Taser. " He responded. " It's an electrically charged device. When you use it on someone, it sends bolts of electricity through their body. "

"**It shocks them. "  
**

**She had heard him, but her thoughts were elsewhere. He had not asked her why she had not said anything until now. She twisted a toe in the sand. "I wanted to tell Jack. Everything happened so fast. I got out of there and started running. I first thought Michael was one of them -that he was working with Jude and Henry. Maybe they had raided the camp as well. Before I could say anything, Jack and Sawyer caught Michael coming out of the hatch. They knew him. I didn't know what to do. "**

"**There is no need to explain. " He assured her. "I understand why you would not be forthcoming. "**

He sent a reassuring smile. "But I am glad that you've told me the truth. "  


**She returned his smile feeling some of the nervousness melt away. It had been a heavy burden to carry, knowing that one of their own people had betrayed them. She could not help but wonder if he really were one of their own or a transplant like Jude. She flicked a glance over Sayid's face. She was not just glad she had told him the truth - she was relieved. **


	20. To Say Goodbye

**_A/N_ - _This starts dramatically, and then ends in sheer goofiness. God Forgive me !_**

**Chapter 20: To Say Goodbye  
**

**She stood among the survivors, over two shallow graves; time falling into slow motion. She stood among them quietly, solemnly, glancing over them pensively. She already knew some of them - Rose, Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley. Charlie stood beside Claire who cut her a suspicious look and then inched closer to Charlie's side. **

**They gathered around somberly to bury the dead. To say goodbye. Though she had not asked, Sarah got the idea that there had been far too many funerals in such a fraction of time. _Far too many. _She glanced up, catching an eyeful of Jack and Sayid making their way to the group. They appeared to be in a deep conversation. Would Sayid tell Jack what she saw? What she witnessed?  
**

**Kate stood near Hurley, resting a comforting hand on his shoulder. Sawyer planted himself between Sarah and Kate, his face shadowed with worry. It would have been normal for others, not for Sawyer, who had little concern for most people. _The jaw working under his skin said that there was something more to it than simply paying his respects for the dead. _**

**Sarah's eyes met Sayid's as he placed himself at the head of the graves. Jack, poised beside Sayid, spoke for Ana. He ended with a typical "rest in peace " though he cut a sideways glance to Michael. This caused her major fretting, but she fought to hide it. **

**Sarah hadn't known that Hurley and Libby were a new couple. He gave a sorrowful speech beginning by observing that Libby had probably "helped a lot of people …" and ending with " she helped me." He turned to Michael. "I'm going with you. " **

_**Meaning that he would join them in their quest to retrieve Walt. **_

**A silence draped over them. Feeling the sting of regret, Sarah's thoughts strayed,hearing Libby's voice in her head and felt a twinge of regretfulness. She had met her gesture of kindness rather defensively. In a haze of memory, she heard a voice, but didn't realize until a couple of sentences in that it was her own voice she'd heard slicing through the thick hush among them.**

"**I, uh … I don't know very many of you. And I don't know any of you very well. But I … "She turned her eyes down to her feet, then raised them, flicking them across the group. "Libby came to see me. She wanted to help me. _To be my friend_. I only spoke to her once, but I know she was one of the good ones. "**

" **I'm so sorry Libby. You didn't deserve this. "**

**She cut her eyes to Michael (who_ watched her carefully.)_ " No one did. "  
**

**Then she added with conviction. "And I hope the person who did this. _The one responsible _… gets what he deserves. "  
**

**Just as she had finished speaking, Sun drew out of the group, away from her husband, studying something towards the shore. She waved a finger in the air and exclaimed. "Boat! "**

**Far out on the water, the tips of white sails emerged from the cresting waves revealing an average sized sailboat. The crowd dispersed from the gravesite and gathered around the shore, some of them yelling "rescue " waving their hands. **

_**Some said it was a trap. **_

**Nevertheless, Jack, Sawyer and Sayid scrambled to the water, leaving their shirts, and shoes on the sand. The three of them dove in and disappeared into the frothy crests. The crowd of people watched from the shore, but Sarah set a keener eye on them, inching closer to the water, gluing her attention to the guys - who were mere specks among the waves now. **

"**Oh don't worry honey. " Rose joined her. "Those boys know what they're doin out there. They'll be fine. "**

**Sarah didn't have time to wonder where Kate had retrieved a pair of binoculars nor why she had brought them to the funeral. Her only question after noticing her peering through them was … "What do you see? " **

**"They're almost there. " She answered. "I don't see anybody up top. "**

**It was a small noise, nearly undetectable from such a distance, but Sarah had become attuned to it almost as acutely as a dog whistle to a canine. Someone was firing a gun on the three men. This sent her into a frenzy of panic. She bolted towards the ocean, mindlessly readying herself to dive, while screaming …**

"**Sayid! Jack! "**

**"Sarah, no! " Kate grabbed her, pulling her back in.**

**She flipped around nearly glaring as Kate prodded her. "What are you gonna do out there? You have to wait and see what's going on, like all of us. They can handle it. They'll be okay! "  
**

"**Someone's coming. " Sarah glanced at Scott … or was it Steve. She had been given both names by different people. She had never really spoken to him to get the truth. He was the second half of a set of twins … the brother having been murdered assumedly by one of the others. **

**Regardless, his announcement jerked her head to the ocean and there she spied a yellow raft bobbing atop the water. Her worry eased slightly when it became obvious that multiple bodies sat within it. **

**The crowd closed in, mumbling theories as the boat drew closer. Three men had dived into the ocean, yet four returned. They stepped out as soon as they reached shallow water, dragging the raft with them. **

**Sarah hesitantly kept her distance, awkwardly unsure of herself. Most of the people greeted this odd man as if they were at least acquaintances. He spoke in a lilting tone, stranger to her ear than Charlie's or Sayid's were at one time. His name was Desmond.**

**Sayid lifted his head and scanned the crowd until he caught sight of Sarah, who's face was drawn up in concern. He motioned for her. She weaved through the crowd until she was beside him. He studied her while tipping his head to the side. **

"**What's wrong? "**

**His question had a surprising effect on her. One that left her feeling exposed and vulnerable. For a reason unknown to her, she snapped back defensively. **

"**Well, I just watched you bury two people, swim out to a boat, get shot at, and come back with a wacko in a rubber raft. Which, by the way, is who I'm guessing took the pot shots. Why, life couldn't be better! "**

**He shifted his weight, leaning on one leg, and gave her a half-amused expression.** "**You were worried? " **

**She embarrassingly dipped her head. "No, I wasn't worried. "**

**The camp ate together that evening. They gathered around campfires among a humble spread of fish, mango, various fruits and Dharma entrees. **

**(Sarah had learned that during the lockdown - when Henry had given her the gun, and Locke was trapped under the blast doors - a parachuted stash of boxed goods was discovered just outside the hatch. Apparently, someone was doing occasional food drops, though no one knew when or how it got there. )**

**She mingled, sprinkling bits of conversation here and there, strolling the beach observantly. They were survivors, just like her. They chatted each other up, laughing at each other's jokes and enjoyed the evening as if it were any normal evening and not another evening of being hopelessly lost on a savage island. **

**She stood poised near the warm fire glow lost in her thoughts. Hurley approached less than undetectable and greeted her. "I'm Hurley. " **

**He continued, rambling a bit. "I know you know that already, but well. Everything's been crazy and … well …I just never officially introduced myself. "**

**She smiled. " Hi Hurley. "  
**

**She took note of his scruffy face, illuminated by firelight. His eyes were kind, framed with a hint of sadness, but lively. He looked at his feet stammering. "Thanks for ... Um…Well, what you said …you know … about Libby? "**

**His voice cracked slightly. "I think it would have made her happy. " **

**"I'm so sorry Hurley. " She replied softly.**

**"Yeah. " He whispered and nodded, leaving her with a heavy heart, hating Michael and Henry for what they had done. She stared into her cup, running a purposeless finger around the rim, meandering to a soft spot in the sand. She watched, mesmerized by the fire sparks shooting tiny crackles into the sky. **

**She ignored the two feet planted next to her in the sand. She didn't look up, nor greet Jack when he lowered himself down. He arched himself over his knees, draping his arms around them while holding a cup. He set his eyes on her while sucking in a slow awkward breath. "I was impressed with the speech you gave. "**

**She nodded, unable to raise her eyes to his. He scratched his head. "Sarah ... Sayid told me what happened. "  
**

**She skipped a heartbeat, had Sayid told him what she had seen in the hatch? That she knew Michael was lying? **

**Jack continued softly. "He told me what happened to you out there. What Jude did to you? " **

**She cut her eyes to him, and chuckled cynically. "Oh …_That. _" **

**She sipped her water and then spat. "Yea, well …you don't need to be concerned. He merely dragged me out into the jungle. ****_No real harm done_. "**

**Jack pressed his lips together then sucked in air, nodding his head. "I deserve that. "**

**"Do you? " She spoke with the intention of twisting the knife, but felt a quick rush of emotion when he responded in a painful whisper. "I'm so sorry. " **

**She turned her eyes to him, noting his remorse as he continued. "I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I thought I knew what was goin on. And honestly, I blame myself for everything. I should have been there … I am so sorry. That should have never happened to you. "**

**She was troubled, noting the painful regret in his eyes and began forming a response, but couldn't find a break in his words as he glanced over her face. " I don't know why I always end up apologizing to you, when I really just wanna ... "**

**His eyes held hers in a soft gaze." I just wanna help you. "**

**Her features softened as firelight flickered in her eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat. Took a deep breath. "Thank You. Thank you for that. " **

**She glanced down at her feet and then back up at him. "He said he was taking me home…that I couldn't make it out here … _no one cared about me_. " **

**Jack shook his head. "No … Sarah…. "  
**

**She straightened herself, with the hint of a smile. "He was a liar. _This _is my home. _This_ is where I belong. The only people who care about me are right here … on this beach... people who I care about. "**

**She lay a soft hand on his, resting a gaze into his eyes and found something she hadn't seen in a while. A familiarity. One for which she had no explanation. She blinked in an attempt to focus and then finished. "I was angry when you didn't believe me. But you went after me because you cared. _That's_ what's important …_That's _what matters. _The only thing that matters_. "**

**The fire crackled faintly as the light illuminated their faces. And as if second nature, she rest her head on his shoulder under a blanket of stars, listening to the fire and the chatter of people, sighing. _Yes, this was home. _**

**Sayid stood for a couple of minutes watching them before he joined them, lowering himself near Sarah. She raised her head and greeted him. It was strange, sitting between the two of them after everything that had happened in the previous weeks. The path that led them to this moment was rocky, but it seemed almost necessary -  
as if it had happened for the cause of fate. **

**Jack fiddled with a piece of grass and then chucked it into the burning wood and mulch, watching a hungry flame lick it up. It glowed a brilliant red that faded into ash. She flicked glances between them, until Sayid raised a questioning look. He would not betray her secret. He had managed to create doubt in Jack's mind in regards to Michael, but Sarah knew it wasn't fair for them to be led into a possible ambush, not knowing the facts. _The real facts_. And if that weren't enough, she thought of Hurley's last words at the funeral …" I'm going with you."**

** _Was it fair to let Hurley march out there as well with the very person who murdered the woman he loved in their midst ?_ **

**Sayid eyeing her, she straightened herself in full resolve, turning to Jack. "I have to tell you something. But Jack, I swear … if you question me on this one. If you doubt me… "**

**Her voice faded as she saw the attentiveness in his eyes. He would listen this time. She quickly cut her eyes to Sayid, and then began. "I don't like telling you this. I don't like repeating it. I don't like _remembering_ it, and I am so over dreaming about it. But you've got to know before you go out there and … "  
**

**Jack shifted, a shadow of concern darkening his expression. It was unnerving, but she remained calm through the awareness that Sayid was close. His presence empowered her. She knew she had made the right decision. "I ran into the hatch looking for you. I didn't know where else to go. But when I ran in there, I heard gunfire. I snuck around to the blast doors and then hid. Ana and Libby had already been shot. I saw Michael with the gun in his hand. Michael had the gun …not Henry. "**

**Jack clenched his teeth, his face slowly turning red. She didn't read his nonverbal clue ... determined to tell him everything. "Jack …Michael killed them. He killed them, shot himself and let Henry go. "**

**She swallowed, struck by the disquieting stillness that had settle around him and gently pleaded. "If you're gonna be angry. Please be angry at me. It wasn't Sayid's responsibility. I wanted to tell you …but I was afraid. "**

**He dropped his head, squeezed his eyes shut, and breathed deeply. He rose without a word, kicking sand up with his feet. She was close on his heels. "Jack? Jack … Please …"  
**

**He stopped harshly and flipped around. His eyes flicked over her face as he grabbed her shoulders. Sayid tensed, stepping a pace forward. Their eyes locked, and then Jack trailed a finger down the side of her face. Her eyes gleamed as she whispered. "Jack … "  
**

**His grip loosened. He turned from her and walked away. She took a step forwards and was stopped by a gentle hand on her shoulder. Sayid spoke softly. **"**Let him go. " **

**She turned, and was startled with an unexpected response. His face was mere inches from hers. Overtaken with a rush of self-awareness she raised her eyes, locked inside his deep brown gaze. His breath mingled with hers as he assured her. "You did the right thing. " **

**Unable to break the link between them, she took a dazed step backwards. **"**I …I know. " **

**He nodded, and then revealed their plan. "I'm taking Desmond's boat tomorrow, ahead of Jack. I will scout the others camp, see what we will be facing. " He noted her troubled expression.**

** " This way we have the element of surprise. " **

**She knew he was trying to suggest she need not worry for him or anyone else. That they would return safely. The problem was that it was impossible for him to guarantee their safety. No one knows the future. **

**He cast a glance over her shoulder. "I have a few things to do. ****Will you be all right? " **

**She turned to the spot where Jack had stood and nodded. Her skin tingled when he touched her face, and admitted with gentle concern. "I don't like leaving you this way. "**

**"Go do what you need to do. " She offered a weak, but fretful smile. "Honestly. I'm just gonna hang around for a while. "  
**

**Sayid disappeared inside the groups of people, but the tingling remained. She stared at the empty space, absentmindedly running her hand along her cheek. Jack was so angry. She couldn't tell if it were directed at her, Michael or someone else. She sighed, meandering in no general direction lost in a swim of thought, which was broken by the lilt of a Scottish brogue.**

**" Hey Sistah! You're new. " Desmond called her. " Come sit by my fire! "**

**He lay stretched on his side, by a small fire, propped on his elbow. Eyes smiling, he motioned her with a sweep of an arm. "Say, have you met my friend Jack? Ah, don't be shy, miss. I'll introduce ya ... Yeah? " **

**She rolled her eyes. _Jack_? He laughed heartily, "Oh, not _that_ Jack …this one's not so bossy. Take yer seat Lass and I'll give ya a sip … yeah? " **

**She cautiously joined him on the ground; within a half an hour they were sharing the bottle, each swallowing gulps of burning liquid. She choked on the first few swallows, but grew accustomed to it once her throat was numb enough.**

**"I knew you'd like that! " Des winked. "What's your name, Miss? "**

**She smiled lazily. "Well, right now it's Sarah. "**

**"Sarah is it? " His voice seemed to float musically. She laughed, begging him to say her name again. He grinned. "Oh, you like my accent, do ya? "**

**"It's very funny. " She giggled. "Why do you talk like that? "  
**

**He took another swig and then handed her the bottle. "That's my brogue, Sarah. Haven't you ever met a Scots? "**

**She guffawed loudly, playfully rolling her eyes. " NOoo! What's a Scots? "**

**His eyes twinkled. " You're quite a jewel, lass. Quite charming, yeah? I'm from Scotland. _You know. _The Scots wear kilts and play the pipes. "**

"**They do what? " She threw her head between her knees as she sat cross-legged, slapping the ground with her palm, and belting out bellyfuls of laughter. What was wrong with her? She looked up and said with concern. "I can't feel my face. "  
**

**She ran her hands along her cheeks, and then chortled. "Desmond, that Jack is a funny guy! How did you two ever meet? "**

**"****Ah, now ….." He teased. "Jack and I go ways back…yeah ? " **

******His eyes twinkled in a flirty way. "So, Sarah … do they have you pushin it too? "**

******She grabbed the bottle and gulped down a big swallow. "Pushin what? "**

******"The button, woman ! " He snorted. "_The numbers_. "**

******She snickered, blowing air out of her nose and between her teeth, repeating. "The button. The button…What is that? _Oh right _..."**

******She brought her voice down to a deep throaty tone. "THE_ BUTTON._ "**

******She spat out an air full of giggles. "A bunch of numbers! Sure, I pushed it once. "**

******" I like you Sarah. " He grinned mischievously. "You're okay. "**

******"I think you're insane! " She spat out another belt of laughter. "But you're okay too! " **

******Sayid returned to find the pair flat on their backs, running a commentary on the star filled sky. "I don't see it Miss. I think you've been on the Jack long enough…"**

******She snatched Desmond's hand and traced the air with it. "It's there. Do you see it now? " **

**"****Oh! " He exclaimed smacking himself in the head with his palm. "Yeah, yeah, right … I see it now. Yup. It's right beside the purple Ten-leafed clover. "**

******She slapped the side of his head. " Des, what the hell is a purple Ten-leafed clover? "**

******"You've never seen one, have you? Ah, it's the luckiest of them all…yeah? "**

******He chuckled which sent her reeling, as she grabbed her stomach. She opened her eyes and peered above her head curiously at the pair of dark eyes, set under thick brows dipping down over her. **

**" ****Hey Des. " She said, turning her head observantly. "Des … I see Sayid up there. Isn't that crazy? "**

******"Really …? " He asked. "This I have to see. Where is he? "**

**********She blew air from her bottom lip and then snatched his hand up tracing Sayid's features with it. " Des, you're useless. Look, do you see him now? "**

**********Sayid's mouth twisted in a half amused expression as his eyebrows lifted.**

**********" Sarah, my love , " Desmond replied " I hate to hafta break it to ya … But the clouds aren't makin faces at ya … That's really Sayid. "**

**********She dropped Desmond's hand and stared up. "Sayid? "**

**********" Hello Sarah. " He answered, arms folded.**

**********" Sayid! " She repeated, squinting her eyes. " I can see under your shirt from here! "**

**********She and Desmond broke into bellows of laughter as she reached for him."Come sit by our fire! We'll introduce you to Jack. Not Jack, like _Jack_ Jack …Desmond's friend Jack. "**

**********Sayid grabbed her hand and pulled her to a sitting position. "Oh, we've already met. "**

**********"You have … Yeah? " She frowned. " How come everyone's met Jack but me? "**

**********"Oh, We met a very long time ago. " He answered. "Come on. Let's see if you can still walk. "**

**********He took her by the hands and set her on her feet, while she rambled. " Why wouldn't I be able to walk? Sayid …you're just weird. "**

**********Her legs quivered under her. " I don't …I don't feel so good… is the ground moving? "**

**********He shook his head, smirking, while steadying her. " No. I'm afraid not. "**

**********" I think I have to go now Des. " She called out. " Sayid Wants me to come home. "**

**********Halfway to his tent, Sayid relented and swept her up in his arms. She turned her face to his and giggled. "You know, you're really strong! " **

**********She squeezed his arm. "Muscles. "**

**********" ****Yes. " He responded, carrying her inside his tent. " So I've been told. "**

**************"Dark Knight. That's what he called you. " She took a more serious tone as he lowered her down. She rolled over on her side and slipped a hand under her head."I don't care. _Evil_, evil man. Sick pervert with his cameras. "**

**************He grabbed a blanket and draped it over her. " It's alright, Sarah. He can't hurt you. You're safe. "**

**************She turned her eyes up worriedly, wrapping a hand around his wrist. " Sayid? "**

**************"Yes, I'm here. " **

**************She stared at him sleepily. "You're not gonna leave are you? " **

**************"No. " He answered. " Close your eyes. I'll be here when you wake. "**

**************She rested a lazy hand on his, mumbling something about _Mr. Muggles _and then drifted under the warmth of a soft blanket, and Sayid's watchful eye. **


	21. The Dark Knight

**Chapter 21 - The Dark Knight**_**  
**_

_**The young chestnut haired girl sat on a smooth, cold floor with her legs folded under her, fiddling with blocks and putty. She smiled when he opened the thick, heavy door and entered. "Hi angel. What are you doing? " **_

_**She glanced up smiling. "Hi Daddy. I made this. " **_

_**He studied her construction carefully. She had stacked three of the blocks on top of each other until they resembled an open window or entranceway. **_

_**"I see. " He noted. "What will it be when it's finished? "**_

_**She tilted her head while shooting him a disapproving frown. "I did finish it! Don't you see? "**_

_**He glanced at the broken door way and nodded. " Oh yes, I see now. "**_

_**"No you don't. " She gave a frustrated snort. "I know when you're lying, Daddy. "**_

_**She pressed the clay between her hands, letting it ooze out of her fingers. She rolled it into a log, and flattened one end. Her hazel eyes staring curiously up at him, she sighed. "You're not gonna make me do them again today are you? "**_

_**"Well, " He responded warmly, squatting down to eyelevel. "… It's very important. You are a very special girl, and that means you get to do very special things. "**_

_**She remained silent, rolling another log of clay, flattening it at the bottom. His eyes trailed off to the floor. He saw two legs on a platform wearing sandals strapped between the toes and over the top of the foot.  
"So, who's the guy with the four toes?" He asked. **_

_**She answered him while working. "This is the big man. The tall one. He's the dark knight. He used to take care of all the people before IT came. "**_

_**She smoothed out the clay thoughtfully, Turning her head side to side. " He was very brave. One day he'll come back. You'll see. "**_

_**"Before what came? " He cocked his head sideways. She shrugged. "I dunno. They didn't tell me. "**_

"_**But they always whisper. " She noted casually "Can't you hear them Daddy? "**_

_**He shook his head. "No, I dont hear anyone whispering. "**_

_**She nodded thoughtfully and then responded. "Well, maybe they don't like you. "**_

_**She turned her head up to his. "Did you do something bad? " **_

_**While he pondered his response, she switched gears on him decisively. "Daddy, I don't want to do it anymore. "**_

_**"Now, don't be like that. " He reprimanded gently. "You know that's not nice. And … We have rules … You know what will happen if you break the rules. "**_

_**She met his sharp blue eyes with an unsettling directness. " I don't like the rules. I don't want to do it anymore! "**_

_**She angrily pulled off one of the legs of the big man. She sat the jagged leg on its base in the middle of the ocean blue floor, perching it on top of a few round clumps of unfolded clay. **_

**"I don't wanna do it anymore. " Sarah grumbled.**

**"Well … then, don't do it anymore. " Charlie chided. "But, just for curiosity's sake, what is it you're not doing? "**

She stopped chunking rocks and stared. "What? "

**"The thing … That you don't want to do anymore. " He repeated in a slower tone. **

**She cast a foggy gaze out into the ocean, and then saw the flash of blue floor and then whipped around. "Right. Charlie, I've got something to do. "**

**"Sure, right on. " He nodded.**

**Sayid was dragging the yellow rubber raft onto the beach. He was talking with Sun and Jin. Sarah approached them toting a backpack over her shoulder. All three of them stared at her.**

**"Sarah. " Sayid spoke. "I was going to come and check on you. See how you were feeling. "**

**She dropped the pack in the raft. " It's okay. I'm feeling fine. "  
**

**Sun and Jin gave each other curious looks as Sayid turned his head. "What are you doing? "**

**She stood up straight, swiping the back of her hand over her forehead "Putting my stuff in the raft. "**

**His eyes scanned her figure poised resolutely in the sand. He placed the bundle he was carrying into the raft and answered resolutely. "No. You are to remain here, with the camp. "**

**She jerked her head towards Sun. "Are you going? "**

**" Well … yes. " Sun nodded. "Then I'm going. " She resolved.**

**Sayid quietly flicked his eyes between them. Studying Sarah for a moment, then stepping forwards, turning to Sun. "Please, excuse us. " **

**Sun smiled and nodded as he walked past her. Taking Sarah by the elbow, he nudged her a good distance from the raft, and then faced her. He shifted his weight to one foot, using the other for balance, chest rising as he breathed deeply studying her. He crossed his arms loosely and demanded softly. "Now tell me … what is this really about? "**

**She didn't blink as she met his gaze. "I am going with you. "**

**"No, you are not. " He argued definitively. "There are enough people going … and beyond that …" **

**She turned her chin up slightly, waiting, but he let his last thought trail as if choosing his words carefully. "There's no reason for you to put yourself in unnecessary danger. "**

**She shook her head. "I _am _in danger! It doesn't matter if I'm here or on that boat out there. "**

**She turned her head out towards the water and admitted with a break in her voice. "I'm not worried about the danger I'm in. I am worried about the danger I could cause. I could put other people in. "**

**He moved closer to her. Gently resting his hands on her shoulders. She turned around and faced him, directing a soulful hazel gaze into his eyes. "When Henry helped me escape - the day he gave me the gun … Sayid, he said he was my father. "**

**"And? " He replied. **

**She sighed heavily. Fearful of speaking the words aloud. "We dont know where I came from. Who I am. Or what I am. "**

**"What you are? " He repeated.  
**

**She looked away, trying to find the words to explain. Yes, who or what. They didn't know … couldn't know for certain. She flipped a stray hair from her mouth and spoke. "If my memory comes back, it might not be what you want to hear. If I suddenly remember that I'm one of them. Then there's one thing that I know … without any doubt. "**

**She spoke without breaking her eyes from his. "You, if anyone, will do what needs to be done. "**

**He loosened his grip as his expression softened. "I dont have answers, Sarah. But I know this. I know that you are not one of them. You would forget places, things, names. But you would never forget who you are. And what you are is not one of them. "  
**

**Several weeks ago, she would have been overjoyed to hear those words from him. Even now, it drew her closer to him. But she stood before him without a reaction, and posed a question. "How did Michael describe the others camp Sayid? "**

**" What? "**

**"Their camp. " He told you what to look for. "Right? The landmarks. He would have told you something, given you some kind of direction. "**

**He nodded. " Yes. He did. I would see their camp just beyond a stone structure. One that looked like a door. "**

**She nodded and yanked a yellow piece of paper from her pocket, shoving it into his hands. " A structure like this? "**

**Sayid unfolded it and sucked in a breath as his lips parted, flicking a wide eyed look between she and the paper. **

**"Where did you get this? "**

**She pushed her hands into her back pockets. " Am I going? "**

**When it became obvious that he wouldn't sway or deter her, he relented and began heading back to the raft with her trailing beside him. He hurriedly instructed her along the way. She wasn't to do anything foolish or brave.**

**" Stay close and listen to me. " He said. " Do you still have the Taser? "**

**"Yes Sir!" She saluted. "In my pocket sir! "**

******He halted his pace and flipped around with a rigid expression. "Sarah, have you ever fought in combat? "**

******"Well " she chuckled. " Not that I can remember … no."**

******His jaw worked furiously under his skin. "It's ugly. It's unforgiving. Nothing but death and savagery. " **

**"****And it is NOT a joke! "**

******She drew a straight face. His tone was bitter, but instead of hurting, it saddened her. How many combats had he seen? How many of the dead did he leave behind while he survived? She responded gently. "I know. "**

******Something in her voice moved him deeply. He wrapped his hands around one of hers. It felt like a child's hand swallowed between his. Everything around her slipped into slow motion as he drew it to his face and kissed it softly. A stray tear fell down her cheek. He brushed it away. Her breath faltered and she couldn't control her fluttering eyelids, when he leaned in, gently stroking her face. He held her in his eyes, faces so close that they almost touched.**

******"Sayid. " She choked on her own whisper. She thought she felt his hand trembling. He swallowed. The world around them moved in time again as an awareness swept over him, and he stepped back. "Let's go. " **

******Together, they trekked side-by-side, hands locked together. She turned a playful gaze to him and snickered. "So, you were worried about me? "**

******He tilted his head towards the ground and smiled. "No, I was not worried. "**

****** ---------------------------------------------------------------------**

******She stood on the deck and wrapped her fingers around the smooth, white railing. Sunlight warmed her face as the salty ocean breeze threw back chestnut strands. The shoreline faded into a sliver of brown. Staring wistfully over the blue water, she watched the rolling swells tumble on top of one another into white crests.**

******It filled her with such overwhelming emotion. The ocean teemed with mystery. It seemed to be never ending, never still, rolling and crashing in on itself. She knew about as much of what was under it as she did herself.**

******She traced the side of her face with her hand and thought of Jack, who had stormed off the night before. It was a bad way to leave things. Who knew if she would ever see Jack or any of them again?**

******Would they be safe with Michael in their midst? A worried, grinding knot churned in her stomach when she pondered the thought. It was enough to know that he meant to lead them into a trap; she simmered on the thought that perhaps as he had double-crossed the camp, he too had been double-crossed by the others. It was a chilling train of thought - one that she preferred not entertaining. It led her to a cold and dark place. She shivered. **

******Sayid stood above her at the helm. His deep, dark eyes far away across the water. His voice had been so remorseful when he spoke of war. Who knew what horrors he had seen? _What he had been asked to do. _How much of himself he had to compromise. Now that the role of a soldier was thrust upon him once more, what regrets would he soon have to pile onto the ones that already haunted him? None of this was right …fair.**

******"Are you all right? " Sun asked her.**

******She turned to Sun offering a somber smile. "Yes, I'm fine… Thanks. "**

******Sun leaned against the side of the boat, the wind tossing her glossy black hair like strands of blown glass. She was so unassuming - but powerful. There was a deeper side to her. One that she kept secret and hidden underneath a stilled humility. A part of her that quietly longed to come out of hiding. Sarah detected it; felt a common bond with it.**

******"Do you think that this will work? " Sarah asked her. "That we will all go back and everything will be okay? "**

******Sun pressed her lips together and looked at her feet. She ran a hand through her hair. "I hope so. "**

******Jin, Sun's husband, approached them. His hair was as black as Sun's and he had her smooth, olive complexion. He was thin, but muscular. His face chiseled and deeply intense, he glanced at her with almond shaped, black eyes.**

******"Hi Jin. How's it goin? " She said, then felt like an idiot.**

******He stopped abruptly as if someone slid a glass wall in front of him. His face revealed confusion and surprise. Sarah shot a glance to Sun, who dropped her mouth open as her eyes widened. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you spoke Korean. "**

******Sarah's head jerked back as if she had been punched. " Korean? What do you mean? "**

******"You're speaking Korean now. " Jin answered.**

******"I'm what? Wait, you ... " She opened her mouth and then closed it again. " No, you just answered me in English … I think. God! What the heck? "**

******Sun and Jin looked at each other. Jin shrugged, while Sun responded. "No Sarah. You are speaking perfect Korean. "**

******Sarah gawked at both of them. This was just not what she needed to hear. Besides that, it was down right silly! She turned from them, saying nothing else. _This was insane. This was just completely insane.  
_  
She made her way back to the helm. To Sayid. He turned his head to her as soon as she was by his side, studying her keenly. "What's wrong? " **

******She glanced at him, debating whether to mention it. To be honest, this whole English/Korean thing was starting to become a thorn in her side and she would rather just ignore it and hope that it went away. She sighed, twisting her mouth. "This is … well. This is going to sound insanely stupid. "**

******His face brightened with his usual expression of amusement. She stammered. "Am I speaking Korean? "**

******Sayid stared, blinked and shook his head, then chuckled and smirked. "I don't speak Korean, but I do speak English ... and it sounds like English to me. "**

******She blinked and returned a chuckle. "I … never mind. Really. "**

******"What are you doin? "**

******She perched herself on a ledge near him. The sun shown brightly on his bare shoulders, muscles working underneath his brown skin as he fought with the helm.**

******" Just steering. " He answered. " Would you like to try? "**

******She resisted giving him a doubtful look. " There's just no way. I wouldn't know the first thing. "**

******He pulled himself away from the helm and nudged her in. "Go ahead. You couldn't possibly make a mistake. "**

******"Don't say that. " She said. "Stranger things have happened. " _Much stranger things indeed.  
_**

******She was nervous, clinging to it with shaky, sweaty hands. He braced himself behind her with his arms around her, hands resting on the rails. She felt him leaning into her from behind and was distracted by a flutter in her stomach. The flutter grew to flips when his face drew closer to her neck.**

******"Now you see ... " He assured. "It's not very difficult. "**

******Feeling his voice vibrating in his chest, the hair stood up on the back of her neck, and she turned her head over her shoulder. His face inches from hers, she could hardly breath. "I guess not. "**

******A feeling swept over her that left her feeling vulnerable. Her hands slipped from the helm as she turned herself around, jolted by electricity when she found herself gazing into his eyes. "I … I really don't think I'm cut out for this. " **

******"Don't worry. " He said. "It's okay. " **

******She quickly moved gleefully, returning the helm over to him. She stood near his side and thoughtfully watched the wind tossing black curls playfully. Being near him felt warm as the sun. She ran a finger over the back of her hand remembering the soft, slow kiss he planted there. The world had stopped moving around her. This was the man who terrified her weeks before. Whom she thought wanted to rip her head off. Now she was beside him. Now there was nowhere that she felt safer than beside him - to be near him. **

******He turned his head over his shoulder catching a glimpse of her thoughtful expression. "You so look far away. What are you thinking about? "**

******She smiled and sighed. " How beautiful the water is. "**

******He smiled. " Yes. "**

******Her eyes flicked over his face. His smile was tainted with worry. He was trying not to let her know - but she had already seen it. Her hand idly rested on his shoulder as they stood quietly staring out into the endless blue water.**

******"Ask him if he's seen anything yet. " Jin said as he and Sun approached.**

******"I don't think he has. " Sun responded. " He would have said something. Just have patience. " **

******"See anything? " Sarah asked Sayid.**

******"No " He said. "Nothing. "**

******She glanced at Jin and Sun. "No, nothing yet. Nothing in sight. "**

******Sayid suddenly wrenched his head around. All six eyes were glued on her as she looked back at them curiously. "What? "**

******Sun and Jin looked at each other while Sayid's jaw dropped. "What did you just say? "**

******She shook her head and shrugged. "I said you hadn't seen anything yet. They wanted to know so I asked. "**

******Sun took a breath. " She asked us in Korean. "**

******"Oh my God! " Sarah exclaimed rolling her eyes. "I don't speak Korean. I don't even know what that is! "**

******"Sarah. " Sayid turned around and faced her. She whipped around. "What?! "**

******" Sarah, that wasn't English. " He agreed with Sun. **

******She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Come on Sayid. What is this? Are you guys messing with me? Jin asked Sun if you had seen anything yet and she told him no that you would have said something if you had. "**

******Sayid cut his eyes towards Sun and Jin and they returned the look. " I don't mean to upset you. But they weren't speaking English - and neither were you. "**

******"You've got to be kidding me! " She blurted. **

******He shook his head. "I don't know. I can only tell you that they are not lying to you. "**

******She planted her feet on the deck and brushed a hair out of her mouth. She swapped glances with them as her mind beat wildly. "Well, I don't know what to say. I don't hear what you hear. I don't … "**

******Sayid took her hand, while glancing sympathetically over her face. " I'm certain that there is some explanation. Some very feasible explanation. "**

******She sighed. " Like what? I forgot I know how to speak Korean? " **

******"I'm sorry. " Sun echoed after. "I didn't mean to upset you. "**

******She shook her head and smiled weakly. "No, I'm sorry. " **

******A rush of embarrassment turned her from the helm and down into the hull, where she sat brooding until the brooding turned into drowsiness and the drowsiness lulled her to sleep. **


	22. A Bigger Fire

_**Chapter 22 - A Larger Fire **_

**She woke to a dull thumping. She was restless. She opened her eyes and saw Jin curled around Sun. Both of them were dozing peacefully. _So much for Jin and Sayid standing guard above. _She slipped up the steps into the night air and was chilled by a cool breeze swept off the ocean. The only sounds were of the water lapping against the hull and the thump, which turned out to be a limb casually tossed into the hull. **

**She caught sight of Sayid standing at the nose. His hands grasped the railing and he was deep in thought. He seemed to know she was there without seeing or hearing her. He turned his head and caught a glimpse of her standing in the moonlight.**

**"I couldn't sleep. " She said. "I tried … really. "**

**She weaved her way around the helm to join him. He watched her quietly. Together they lingered at the nose of the boat gazing out over the horizen. She studied a white strip of glimmering moon. **

**"It's strange. " He observed. "There's no sign of anything other than fish here. I'd think you would see something larger. Dolphins …. Perhaps whales. "**

**She shrugged. " I don't know. Maybe they're just not in this part of the water. "**

**They remained silent together for a long time. She snuck a glimpse of him ever so often. His elbows were propped on the railing as he put his chin in his hands. He shifted his weight and took a breath.**

**"I never meant to be so harsh with you ... Before we left the beach. " He said softly. He turned to the side and propped his foot on the bottom rung of the rail, while resting his arm along the top. "I was very remorseful. I did not mean to hurt you. "**

**She gazed into his face. Here was this man standing in front of her who had once frightened her with threats and now he was frightening her with soft words. He had become her strongest supporter. He was standing in front of her. In front of her eyes … gazing back at her.**

**He looked down as a painful expression shadowed his chiseled features. Then he spoke almost timidly. "I have seen things. Done things that I never want to do again. Things that will probably haunt me for the rest of my life. "  
**

**He surprised her with his candidness. "In my country, I hurt my own people because I was ordered to do so. I did so because I thought it was right. That's what I told myself. That's how I was able to sleep. "**

**" One day, I was ordered to interrogate a young woman. Her name was Nadia. She had been someone who I cared for. I was ordered to hurt her. " He glanced out over the railing and then back at her. " I tried to coerce her for information, anything to offer them in return for her freedom, but she would not. She said she knew that I would hurt her, but she would tell me nothing. "**

**"****When the day came for her execution, I freed her. I shot my commanding officer as he was trying to stop her. I then shot myself and forced her to run. I never saw her again. "  
**

**"****I have tortured many people. I have hurt many people. I am remorseful for all of them. What I did to them, I vowed I would never do again. "**

******She listened with a heavy heart. " Why are you telling me this? "**

******His hand found hers and folded gently around it. " Because, I want you to know what kind of man I am. "**

******Her eyes flicked over his face. " You scared the hell out of me. When you found me out there. You were the first person to distrust me. To know that I was lying. ""I thought you might even kill me if you had the chance. "**

******Their eyes met and she continued. "But ... you were the first person to believe me. To believe in me … To defend me. "**

******Emotion rose from her throat and her face began to flush. " Without you, I wouldn't even be alive. And you keep saving me. " **

******Then she whispered. "And that's the kind of man that you are. " **

******His foot slipped from the railing as he took her face in his hands, drawing it up to his. He moved closer until there was hardly any space between them. "I'm telling you this Sarah, because I want you to understand. It doesn't matter where you come from. Or what horrible past you might have. I have already seen who you are. " **

******He lowered his eyes to hers. " I must think as a soldier. And I feared I could not do that if I was distracted ... If I feared for your safety or what you might think when you see me do things that may be unpleasant for you. "  
**

******He had overwhelmed her. His hands covered both sides of her face and held it gently. She wanted deeply to tell him how she longed to be near him. How she felt stronger when she was beside him. Her gaze melted into his as she stammered. "I wanted to come because … Because I … "**

******As if thinking on their own, her legs bolted from under her and sent her running from him.**

******" Sarah." He called her. "Sarah, wait. "**

******She jerked around, her face glimmering with tears, she blurted in one breathless dialog. "What do you want me to say? That the only time I feel safe is when I know you're close enough to hear me call your name? That the scariest night of my life was when I thought that you might be out there somewhere hurt …Or worse? I worry more for you than for myself? I'd rather be here on this boat with you than out there on that beach not knowing if you'd make it back or not? When I wake up I want to know where you are, and I sleep better knowing where you are. "**

******She stood helplessly, arms to her side and whispered through a veil of tears. **"**I never stop thinking about you. "**

******He moved slowly, catching her by the shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, holding her. She had come to find no safer place than in his arms. He pulled away from her, cupping her face in his hands and wiping her tears tenderly with his thumbs. Her heart pounded in her chest, blood pulsing in her ears. His breath lifting her eyelashes, he drew his own face closer to hers, lowering his head until their lips touched.**

******A shiver went through her when his lips brushed hers. He drew her into a slow gentle kiss. She trembled underneath him as her hands found their way to his chest. He took her in his arms and held the back of her head as he kissed her deeply. One hand braced the small of her back. He stared into her eyes as he brushed the hair from her face. "Sarah, I love you. I did not think that I would nor did I want to love anyone else. But I love you. "**

******He kissed her forehead and then her eyes. Then his mouth found hers again. She was swept away by his searching kiss. He held her and she was safe.**

******Morning came swiftly. She awoke listening to the three musketeers mumbling among themselves. She drew herself out of the blanket Sayid had covered her with and stood up. He stood at the helm. Sun was beside him with Jin. **

******Sayid peered through a pair of binoculars. (Perhaps the same ones Kate had used.) He handed them to Sun who then passed them to Jin.**

******Sayid drew the yellow piece of paper from his pocket. He unfolded it while resting a hand on the helm. He held it high in the air. Her heart sank when she realized what they were looking at.**

******_She had left Charlie for Sayid's tent. She grabbed the yellow notebook and the pen and sketched furiously. She drew the images without even thinking about it. When she finished, she examined it. The figure of a leg with four toes perched on the edge of some rocks and then a structure that looked something like a doorway perched high on a cliff._**

******She had drawn a picture of her memory. The one that had frightened her so badly. She thought of it vividly. _The broken foot, sitting upright on the ocean blue floor among the pebbles of clay. _**

******She sighed as they neared the cliff. It looked like it was once miles high. Now it was just a large stone leg. Serrated in the place from where it had been broken. It was set atop the jagged rocks piled among the shore, complete even down to the sandal.**

******Her eyes strayed to the cliff, where the stone wall stood with the broken opening, which resembled the remnants of a window. Then she looked again at Sayid as he held the yellow paper in the air, comparing it to the scene before them. She held her breath thinking on the night before. The words spoken between them. A twinge of fear rattled the bottom of her stomach.**

******"What is it?" She asked drawing near to his side.**

**********He took her hand and drew her closer to him, and bringing the paper up to her eyes.**

**********"What's this?" **

**********He searched her face for a response, but her eyes were fixed far beyond him - to the cliffs. With only a mildly surprised expression, she did not answer him. Instead, she wandered dazedly to the front of the boat. Her eyes flicking over the rocks as she white knuckled the railing.**

**********Sayid followed suite, finding his place beside her and took her hand.**

**********"I drew it. " She murmured.**

**********He flipped a stray hair out of her face. "Alright. "  
**

**********She flicked a fearful look at him. It was a pleading look, begging him not to abandon her. Then she spoke hesitantly. "I was with Charlie, on the beach. That's when I remembered it. Remembered Ben. "**

**********His eyebrows drew together. " And who is Ben? "  
**

**********She shook her head. " I don't know. Why do you ask? "**

**********He cocked his head in a confused expression. "You said you saw Ben. "**

**********She looked sideways curiously, then back at Sayid. "Well, I meant Henry. The man from the hatch. "**

**********She sighed frustratingly. " I had a memory. "**

**********She stared at him momentarily then continued. "I was sitting on the floor. I was maybe seven years old … I think. I was playing with some clay and some blocks. And this is what I was making. This statue and the wall up there on that cliff. I was so shocked when it happened. I ran back to your tent and drew it. "**

**********She nervously shifted her weight back and forth between her feet.**

**********"I drew it, and now there it is sitting up there. I … I don't know what to think. " **

**********He ran the palm of his hand across her back. " So, you drew this? "**

**********She stared at his face and nodded. " Yea. " **

**********He studied her with concern in his eyes. " Alright. So, you have seen this before. "**

**********She turned around facing him. " I was with them. The others. Ben, Henry … whoever he is … I called him "Daddy. " **

**********She covered her face with her hands in a flush of uncertainty. He ran a hand through her hair and then quietly answered knowingly. "You fear then, because you're telling me this I'm going to walk away? You believe I will reject you? "**

**********Her pained expression told him everything he needed to know. He drew her face to his. "I cannot pretend to know what this means. But I said that I believed you. I meant that. Now you must believe me. _Trust me_. "**

**********Then he lowered his head and kissed her softly, drew her to him and held her in his arms. " Regardless of what happens, I will not leave you. "  
**

**********His words comforted her, but his touch even more because it was earnest. He meant what he said. He loved her.**

**********As he pulled away, something clattered to the floor. She glanced down at a small black button rolling across the wood panels. She picked it up.**

**********"What's that? " He asked her. She flicked him an amused, quirky smile. "You lost a button. "**

**********She stuck a finger through the buttonhole of his shirt, yanking it towards her. He laughed and planted another kiss on her mouth while she slid the button in her pocket. He watched her with puzzlement. She just smiled. "My good luck charm. "**

**********An hour later, she watched him guide the rubber raft to the shore, secure it and then climb the jagged cliffs to the wall. Sun stood with her. She watched until his figure disappeared over the cliff.**

**********Sun looked at her thoughtfully. "To love them is to let them go sometimes. "**

**********He insisted on leaving her on the sailboat. Though she desperately wanted to stay near him, she did what he asked - _hearing the persistence in his voice_. To argue would only antagonize him. Therefore, she waited for his return, hoping that the others hadn't detected him.**

**********She found herself wondering if Henry were up there somewhere. Or Ben. Why _had_ she called him Ben? A simple slip of the tongue? She had not met anyone named Ben. She was reminded of when she called Sawyer "James. " **

**********She chuckled thinking about that. No, 'James ' was not happy with her then. His forehead wrinkled up into a scowl. "It's Sawyer. " **

**********In spite of Sun's attempts to distract her, Sarah found herself wandering every now and then to the railing, searching the cliffs and the water below. Looking for the black smoke. _This was the plan. _They would scout the others camp and then light a signal fire for Jack. **

**********Her fingers kept finding their way to her pocket where she idly rolled the button around between them. A black puff eventually rose over the cliffs. She rose anxiously and saw him stepping into the raft after.**

**************The three of them approached him, dripping with anticipation, as he pulled himself up over the side. He brushed his hands off and then stood with them.  
**

**********"****I found their camp. " He said. "But they were not there. It was empty. "**

**************Jin looked curiously at Sun who translated for him. Sarah struggled to ignore the fact that she understood every word they spoke. Sayid finished rapidly. "I found a hatch door, but when I opened it, there was nothing inside. It was a fake. A decoy. " **

**************She turned her head upwards towards the cliffs. " Then the whole thing. Their camp. It was fake? It wasn't real? "**

**************He nodded. "That's correct."**

**************She closed her eyes as the awareness swept over her**_**. Michael was not leading Jack and the others to the beach. **_**She dared not say it out loud, but shot a knowing look towards Sayid. **

**************He continued speaking, but she stopped hearing him. She felt the hairs on the back of her neck standing up. Something in the air was not right. The ocean seemed to stop moving. It was as if everything suddenly froze in anticipation.**

**********__****What was happening? **

**************The wind was stiff and appeared to halt in mid-blow. Whatever it was drew near around and inside of her. It rose with such force that it was almost too powerful to withstand. All around them - in them - through them.**

**************The sound drew near from a distance. It was soft at first, but then it intensified. Filling every piece of air around them. It went through her body. She heard nothing else. She stood on the deck and looked over the horizon.**

**************A blurry violet glow rose from what looked like the crash site. It spread out into an expanse until it consumed the entire sky and everything around them. They were enveloped by a bright violet haze, while shaken by a vibrating hum.**

**************Sayid, Sun and Jin slapped violet hands over their ears and winced, but she stood looking up into the sky. She heard the sound, but it didn't hurt her. She was engulfed in the glowing violet. It filled her with a sense of both fear and awe. It lasted for several minutes before it subsided. The light and sound lessened until it faded away and was gone.**

**************A piece of metal soared through the air and landed miles away into the cliffs, somewhere over the camp area. Sayid and the other two remained quiet as they digested the event. Then he reached for her and asked. "Are you all right? "**

**************She nodded. "Yea. Yea, I'm fine. My ears are ringing a little bit. "**

**************She joined him, sitting next to him. "Sayid ? "**

**************He turned to her and she whispered low. " Michael isn't taking them to the beach, is he? "**

**************He didn't answer her, but his expression was enough. " What are we going to do? "**

**************He looked her in the eyes. " We're going to build a bigger fire. " **


	23. Day and Night

_**Chapter 24 - Day and Night **_

_** Part 1. Day**_

**She lay on her side with her hands under her head, listening to the waves ripple along the sides of the boat. The tide gently swelled under them, lifting and then settling them down again, lulling a sense of security deep inside her.**

**She breathed in the cool night deeply. The scent of burning wood and leaves lingered in the air. Sayid's fire was still blazing. Thick black smoke rose up from it over the cliffs and faded into the star dotted, black velvet sky. **

**The quiet of the night yelled an ominous warning. One that said tomorrow should not find them there on their quest to challenge the others.**

**It screamed warning as loudly as the alarm in the hatch on the day she came face to face with Henry. When he stared at her through fast eyes that looked like blue icicles floating in a ghostly white face. His chilling voice. "Don't you remember your father? "**

**She had thought that he was only trying to manipulate her. _It couldn't be true. _That he was her father …But now she wasn't so confident. Why had she taken the gun from him and done what he asked of her so easily? It was something she simply could not explain - not even to herself. **

**Perhaps she should have listened to Sayid and remained on the beach. That would have been the logical answer, but not the one she liked. There was something beyond the fear that she might not be who she hoped she was. Something more dreadful. Something more terrifying than any ragged piece of memory.**

**_The thought of being alone. _**

**She had wanted it. She had fought for it. Now she couldn't stand the thought of it. And not just alone, but without him. That's what she learned the night Jude dragged her through the jungle. When he filled her mind with dreadful thoughts of what he may have done to Sayid. Thoughts of him stretched out somewhere unconscious and no one to find him. How her heart thumped inside her. How her mind raced wondering if he were safe. How lost she was not knowing where he might be.**

**This is when she realized that somewhere in the entire struggle to get him to trust her, to believe her; she had come to care for him deeply. The truth was, she feared being that far from him, knowing he might not return. She feared this more than anything else.**

******What was this feeling? Why did her heart flutter at the sound of his voice? Whatever it was, she couldn't control it anymore than she could the tide. And like the tide, it swayed within her, swelling into waves of emotion. Filling her with both comfort _and fear_. **

******She watched him sleeping. His chest rising with each soft breath. Black curls framed his face - which was relaxed, except for the occasional twitch leaving her wondering what dreams were invading his slumber.**

******He had lowered himself next to her as he and Jin changed shifts at the helm. She opened her eyes lazily and discovered him there. She sighed, playing with a curl that hung over his shoulder, twisting it in her fingers.**

******"What is it? " He asked, eyes closed. She withdrew her hand in surprise. "You're awake? "**

******An amused smirk spread over his face as he rolled over on his side and lifted himself onto his elbow." Quite. Is anything wrong? "**

******She remained on her side with one hand under her head. She gazed, quietly, into his eyes. Deep brown, gently fixed on her. His voice sent little waves of electricity through her. A tiny smirk emerged. "You snore. "**

******He held back an amused grin. "I do not. "**

******"You do. " She flirted with twinkling eyes.**

******"I do not. " He whispered, then leaned in and kissed her before she could respond.**

******She giggled as he rolled over, nearly on top of her, in a playful tackle. Burying her head in his shoulder, she let out a full laugh that quickly faded into a snicker as she caught site of Jin at the helm.**

******Sayid stroked her hair. His voice was low and serious. "Tomorrow is not going to be as we expected. You already know this. "**

******She sighed, gazing into his eyes, enjoying his warm breath over her face and eyelashes. She just wanted to be next to him and to enjoy him. She wanted more than anything for all of this to be over. She slowly nodded.**

******"I think so. You're assuming that Michael led them to an ambush and that they've been captured. Am I Right? " **

**********He returned to his side, propping himself on his elbow. "I am going to need you to do something. _You won't like it. _"  
**

**********He watched her raise herself up and cross her legs under her, then arched an eyebrow as he continued. "But I need you to do what I ask and not argue with me. Do you understand? "**

**********She reached for the hand that was stroking her cheek, and he continued. " If we can't stop them. Then you and Sun will have to escape. I need to know that you will do this and not try to do something brave. "**

**********She pushed his hand away while unwrapping her feet, raised herself up and turned away.**

**********" Sarah? " He called her softly, watching her rise and stray towards the railing. She stared somberly towards the shoreline. The fire glowed amber. Her hair tossed across her shoulders in the breeze. She let out a staggered sigh. How could he ask her to run and leave him behind?**

**********"Sarah. " He whispered. **

**********"I don't think this is the right thing to do. " She said. "I don't have a good feeling; something is going to go very wrong. I can't explain it. I just feel it. " **

**********His cheek was warm against hers as he kissed her temple. His fuzzy beard tickled her skin. She closed her eyes. All she wanted was to stay here like this with him. She turned around in his arms and faced him.**

**********She frowned. "I don't like arguing. "**

**********She gazed into his eyes for some time as he stood quietly listening to her. Her brows drew in as she touched his face. "Sayid … I'm not gonna leave you behind … "**

**********He drew in a long deep breath, his eyes never wavering from hers. His words were soft, but frightening. "If they get past us, that means that there will be nothing left of me to leave behind. "**

**********Her head wrinkled with worry. He leaned in and planted a long soft kiss at her hairline. Gripped by a surge of fear, she slid her hand around his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss. His hair tangled between her fingers. His arms wrapped around her tighter as he covered her mouth with his. **

**********"I want you to see something." He said, turning her around to the Ocean. "Look up. Look up there in the sky. What do you see? "**

**********She shrugged. " Stars? The moon? Clouds? "  
**

**********"Yes." He replied softly, draping his arms around her shoulders and tucking her head under his chin. He noted a particular cluster of seven stars. They were called many names, but the most common was The Seven Sisters. His people knew them as the little she-camels. "You can see them regardless of where you are. Just as you see the sun and moon, because it is the same sky over your head. Day and Night. "**

**********She understood. As long as they were under the same sky, they were together, even if they were apart. **

**********"It will be alright. " He whispered.**

**********She closed her eyes. Somewhere Jack and the others were waiting, probably hoping, for rescue. She shuddered wondering what had become of them. She heard that voice. _"You know what happens when you break the rules."  
_  
She wrapped herself in him and wished tomorrow wouldn't come. He said that they would be all right. She hoped it. No … she was choosing to believe it. They had come full circle in this transition between suspicion and trust. She had earned his unconditional loyalty … his faith in her. Now it was her turn to believe in him. _Little did she know how true this would be tomorrow and in the coming days?_**

******__****Part 2 - Night**

**********Studying the delicate features with curiosity, even now she didn't recognize her own face in the mirror. The expressive hazel eyes, warm chestnut hair. She ran a finger along the white stripe. _She was still so much a stranger to herself. _**

**********She reached into the sink and turned on the faucet, letting the water pour through her fingers, thinking of the sparkling waterfall gushing into the river back on the island. But the stream tumbling out of the nozzle slipped through her fingers and washed down the drain. _Just like her memories. _**

**********She glanced up and froze when she saw another face in the silvery pool of glass.**

**********The blue - eyed blonde smiled, but Sarah wasn't smiling. She gawked at this face staring back at her. "She's waking up. It's alright Laren. You're fine. "**

**********The silver faded to a dingy ivory, with a round white light glowing harshly behind the woman's head. Sarah couldn't move. Her arms and legs were immobile as she gaped at this startling image. It felt as if she were bound hand and foot. She screamed. Her legs broke free, throwing her back against the wall. She screamed again, when she heard the loud thump on the bathroom door.**

**********"Sarah? " Sun called out to her. "Sarah is everything okay? "**

**********She jerked her head to the door. When she looked back at the mirror, she saw only her face staring back at her. She cupped her hands over her mouth and panted, gawking at her reflection with her mouth dropped open and eyes bugged out. _What was that?_ "I'll be out in a minute. "**

**********Sun sounded reluctant and said she would be on deck. Reeling from the bathroom experience, Sarah staggered out of the hull into the morning light, catching a glimpse of Sayid, Jin and Sun clustered around the helm. Sayid handed the binoculars to Sun and she in turn handed them to Jin.**

**********"It's a docking ramp. " Sayid told them. Sun asked him why a docking ramp would be out there and if he thought the others might have used it.**

**********Sarah stepped up behind them, listening intently. "No " He answered. " This dock has not been used for quite sometime. It's overgrown. "**

**********Sarah held her hand out for the binoculars glancing over to Sayid curiously. Holding them up to her face, she peered into the openings and spotted a long wooden boat ramp jutting out from the shore, propped up by beams of wood sticking out of the water. There was no sign of activity, but it also did not look overgrown with anything.**

**********Jin muttered that he thought they should go back to the camp. Sun relayed what he said back to Sayid, who argued that they should approach the dock, anchor the boat there and build another fire. This one would be big enough for Jack to see.**

**********He would not leave Jack behind.**

**********When Jin continued to be leery, Sun merely stared back at Sayid. "He thinks he's the only one who can sail. But he's wrong. I can sail the boat for you. "**

**********Jin stormed off in a flurry of anger with Sun trailing off behind him, leaving Sarah alone with Sayid. He turned his head and studied her. "Are you all right? "**

**********"Fine. " She murmured, a little distracted.He flicked his eyes across her face. "Sun didn't think so. She said she heard you screaming in the bathroom. You do look pale. Are you certain? "**

**********She ignored his questions while casting another gaze out towards the ramp. Sayid was lying to them. She had experienced the fruits of lying. It was not something she was willing to do anymore. **

**********She cupped a hand over her eyes as she stared at the ramp. This was not going to be good. Call it intuition. Call it an unexplainable knowing. **

**********She sighed and looked at him pointedly. "I don't like this. Sayid, I think Jin is right. "**

**********He met her stare, straightforwardly, as he answered her. " Then you're going to have to trust me. "**

**********Her eyes narrowed when she heard this. Jin and Sun were in a deep conversation at the other end of the boat. Sayid's words rolled in her head. Before he had stormed off, Jin asked Sayid if it were safe and Sayid assured him "Perfectly."**

**********Breathing deeply, she responded. "It's not what's out there that's bothering me. I mean, yea, we're taking a big risk here, especially if they have Jack and the others. "**

**********She stepped down next to him and lowered her voice. " But you're lying … and that's not good. "**

**********One arm on the helm, his eyes met hers in a steady gaze. His silence made her uncomfortable. She did trust him, but she didn't like what he was doing. His method was leaving a bad taste in her mouth.  
**

**********He swallowed and shook his head. "I told you that you would not approve of what I might do. But it was your choice to come. "**

**********"So you're reminding me! " She snapped. She shook her head. She hadn't meant to be so abrupt. "Look, I wanna help Jack. I also want to know what happened to me out there. But lying …"**

**********She shrugged. "Well, we both know about lying. "**

**********"Currently, " He answered her sternly. "… it's a necessary evil. And you'll have to come to terms with it. "**

**********With eyes glaring, her forehead wrinkled as she responded in a flash of anger. **

******"****Now, that's pretty hypocritical coming from you! "**

**************She noted his gaping mouth, but didn't wait for the reply. This anger was coming from some place in her that frightened her. Running was instinctual. She turned her heels and tramped away, ignoring his calls behind her, and climbed down into the hull. Her head thumped from frustration and fear. She stumbled over to the corner of the room and lowered herself down. Drawing her knees up, she rested her head on top of her arms.**

**************This wasn't what she expected when she demanded her own presence aboard ship reconnoiter. Actually, her anger surprised even her. She wanted nothing more than to stand by his side and agree with him. To trust him. But, was it right to mislead Jin and Sun? If he led them into further danger, wasn't it better to at least let them know what they were facing? Why shouldn't they know the truth if they were risking their lives? The bigger question was, why would he be so adamant about being so deceptive? **

**************She felt the boat anchor when they reached the dock. She thought he would come for her, but instead she climbed the steps to an empty deck. She raised her eyes and saw the three of them on the beach.**

**************She stepped over, noticing footprints scattered all over the dock. She would have assumed the footprints belonged to her group, had she not seen the telltale signs of the outline of bare feet under toe prints. _It certainly looked overgrown and unused._ She thought sarcastically.**

**************Approaching them, she heard Sayid telling them to gather as much wood as possible so that they could build a large enough fire for Jack to see. Her stomach turned when she heard him speak. She halted when she saw what looked like an altercation between Jin, Sun. Jin held out his hand, and it sounded like he was demanding a gun. He spoke and nodded at Sayid. Reluctantly, Sayid reached into his belt and withdrew a pistol, handing it over. Jin took the gun, turned it and adjusted the clip. _He appeared to know what he was doing.  
_  
Sayid caught sight of her as he was talking with Sun and turned towards the boat. Sun nodded and made her way in Sarah's direction. "We should go and wait in the boat. It is safer there. "**

**************Sarah watched her pass and then turned back towards the beach staring wistfully at the fire, and then Sayid. Massive billows of black smoke poured from the flames. Sayid worked around them tossing in more wood and debris. **

**************"Sarah. " Sun called her.**

******************A feeling swept over her that she didn't understand as she focused, memorizing his figure in the sand. His black hair and shoulders poking out of the tank top. The way he moved. She pressed her lips together as she traced a finger over her hand. She wanted to forget all her fears and her doubt, run to him, and fling her arms around his neck. Something in the bottom of her stomach said this could be the only opportunity.  
**

**************"****We need to go. " Sun pleaded with her. She sent another longing glance to the beach, turned and followed Sun.**

******************Halfway there, she stopped in shock. She hadn't really paid any attention to the details when she first boarded. On the way in, she was distracted by the conversation. But now, as she stood on the dock, she clearly noticed the name of the boat. Her mind exploded as she read "Elizabeth." **

******************This was the name of the boat?!**

******************" _Sarah and Helen Elizabeth Ford. _" She repeated in her head. These were the names she first gave to Jack and Sayid in the hatch. Jack's wife was Sarah. Henry, whom she named as her brother, was the name of the guy in the room and now Elizabeth was the name boat that was supposed to be fates answer to Michaels trap? It took her breath away as she read it several times over.**

******************Sun stepped back and grabbed her wrist. "Sarah, let's go."**

******************The evening shadow spread over them like a blanket of doom. Burning ash and wood lingered thickly in the air singeing her lungs, but she dare not cough. She stood near the helm pondering what all of this could mean.**

******************The amber glow of the fire was the only thing she could see on the shore. **

******************She flipped her head around at a sound. It was unlike anything she had heard before … or was it? There did seem to be something oddly familiar about it. Something was there, in the water next to the boat. Something dark. A figure rose slowly above the deck. Chills ran through her. She had left the security of the hull for a glimpse of the shore, now she was a target. She ducked down as soon as she heard them boarding. Where did they come from? Frozen in fear, her mind locked, only to start working again through one thought. _What of Sun trapped in the hull below?_**

******************It was then that the answer seemed obvious. She would divert them. Sun would, then, have enough time to get out safely. It happened very quickly - almost as if it were meant to. _As if it were fate. _She darted out and flung herself across the railing, all the while screaming Sayid's name. **

**************"****There she is! " She heard the man yell out. She flipped around to see a bright red flash, accompanied by a loud pop.**

******************_She knew the sound. _The bullet caused a surprisingly dull pain in head. She tumbled to the floor in slow motion. Their voices whispered. She saw a figure running out to the railing and realized it was Sun.**

******************"Sun. " She whispered, thinking she was yelling. Another flash of red as he fired the bullet and Sun tumbled off the railing into the ocean.  
**

******************Her wet eyes glossed over as she stared up into the night sky. She had failed and Sun was dead. She was numb. The seven camels twinkled. It was the same sky, regardless of where they were. Faces gathered around her, she took a staggered gasp. Night faded into blackness and she mouthed the name into the dimming stars.**

******************"Sayid. " **


	24. Cosmic Rubber Band

**_A/N - I don't like to leave very many of these, but I have to warn you, if you have not read the previous chapters, you're going to be totally lost. I STRONGLY caution you to read the other chapters before reading from this poiint on._ **

_**Chapter 24 - Cosmic Rubber Band **_

**Seven figures stood in the clearing, enveloped by the warm sun. A standoff - six to one. The air was stiff.**

**"Now don't be foolish. " His denim blue eyes fixed on her as he assured her calmly. "All we want is to bring you home. "**

**The rest of them stood around him. Two women and three other men. They eyed her warily, as if anticipating a sudden move on her part. Though, none of them spoke to her. They yielded to him as he attempted to draw closer.**

**"It doesn't need to be this way. You know there's nowhere to run. Just relax. "**

**Her eyes flicked back and forth between them. How could she go back now?**

**She hardly believed it when she stepped out of the submarine into the Australian sun. She had laughed and cried, absorbing everything around her. There really was another place. There really was another world outside of everything she had ever known. She was finally free. Free to think for herself. To live her life without confinement. She took one long, deep breath and let it fill every empty place inside of her.**

**Her newfound independence was in her grasp ... in the palm of her hand … and then ripped from her. Ben's long arm had reached across the ocean depth and yanked her back. This wonderful, new world she had found. That place where people passed each other, fluttering around like birds in the sky. Touching wings as they passed each other. That place would come to be just a picture in her mind. Real for one brief moment. She might as well be grasping at water with her bare hands. **

**She only wanted what was taken from her. To find her way back. Yes, Richard had helped her, but she didn't trust him anymore than she did them. Slipping away was easier than she imagined. The woman thought she was a lunatic and called the police. Her daughter wasn't missing! So, she had Sarah extracted from her front yard and locked up.  
**

**Ben's henchman was not far behind. Jude had promoted himself as her doting, loving husband. He thanked the doctors at the clinic for taking such good care of his dear wife. He spoke to her as if he had the right to speak warmly. But it was not warm. She knew the difference. It was the tone you use on an animal when you are about to cage it.  
**

**She ignored his patronizing all the way to the airport and on the plane. She wanted to embarrass him as theatrically as possible, nearly causing them to miss the plane. _Nearly_ … with only one person barreling his way from behind them as if he were running from the devil.**

**And so she found herself on board flight 815 staring out of the window watching the clouds pass, on her return trip to prison. The sunlight sparkled off its side and thought of stars twinkling in the night sky.**

**_"Starry, Starry night …. "_**

******Fate almost seemed to hand her one more out, on a platter, when the plane tumbled out of the sky. The nose aimed at the earth below. They were all going to die. This would be her permanent release. No more dark rooms, no more rules, no tests. It was finally over …**

******_But she survived._**

******Her body ached as she opened her eyes and smelled death all around her. She was locked in her seatbelt. The weight of gravity pulling them into a downward spiral fresh in her mind, she released herself from the belt and surveyed the cockpit. All of the oxygen masks dangled from the ceiling and downward towards the back end of what was left of the front of the plane. Some of the passengers were still wearing them. Bodies twisted into morbid shapes. _She felt sick. _**

******It took some doing, but she crawled out of her seat and made her descent to the back of the gaping hole, clinging to seats as she drug herself down through the mangled opening where the middle of the plane used to be. The nose was propped up on a tree, while the back rested on the ground.**

******It was strange how that happened. The nose was turning around and around in the air, pointed downward. Spinning after it ripped itself from the rest of the plane. How it landed upright was not merely unexplainable, but downright creepy.**

******She looked up into it, scanning the passenger seats, but he was not there. What did that mean? Had he literally been peeing when it went down? Did he die? Or did he survive only to leave her behind?**

******She certainly wasn't going to yell his name.**

******She stood for some time gawking at the cockpit, thinking on the sheer poetry. As if it were some cosmic rubber band, fate had flung her helplessly right back to where she had so desperately tried to escape.  
**

******If Jude had left, or if the others had seen the crash, they would come searching for survivors. They would come and they would find her.**

******She stumbled through the dense jungle, shrinking behind the tall bamboo, at the hint of threatening predators. She counted this very last ounce of effort as her one remaining sliver of hope. Her last chance. One she was watching seep away into the sponge, which was this hell island. **

******They had cornered her after just a day of hiding. Ben and his groupies. Just a day of hoping she still had hope. A day without feeling the invisible chains around her hands and feet. A day of hearing the birds singing, and feeling the soft wind on her face. She had never known anything outside of those four walls. The ones he kept her locked up in.**

******She stood before the six of them, trembling at the thought of returning to her prison. Every muscle in her body tensed in anticipation. She was ready to flee. Ready to take one more risk, and if she died, all the better. No one could reach her in death.**

**********She didn't recognize the first arrow when it whooshed past them. Only the sound of it whirring past her head. But her eyes were locked with Ben's.**

**********Ben hadn't flinched at first. He kept a steady eye on her. "Laren, come back with us now. "**

**********Confusion grew as more arrows zipped past. The group scattered. All but Benjamin. He stood as firm as an Oak in the wind.**

**********"Don't make this difficult. " He called out. "I don't want to hurt you. "  
**

**********He didn't want to hurt her. What a bunch of crock! She first planted her feet solidly underneath her. Standing straight, she stuck her chest out defiantly. Proudly.**

**********" I won't go back. Not willingly. It's over Ben. I'm not a child anymore. And I don't believe your lies anymore. So, do what you need to do. "**

**********Eyes fixed on her; he pulled something black and shining out of his pants. Grasping it, he raised his arm.**

**********The action was quick, though it felt like slow motion. She yanked herself around and lunged towards the deep forest. Her foot pressed into something soft. She heard a click and then a loud pop. There was a flash and then the pain in her head radiated into a blinding white light.  
**

******"****Sayid! "**

**********She screamed out of the darkness. Her eyes flung open. The large round light above her glowed harshly into her face. Straps bound her hand and ankles.**

**********"Sayid! "**

**********She screamed his name, fearful of what may have become of him. Her small frame twisted in the restraints.**

**********"Sayid! "**

**********" Calm down. " The blonde woman said firmly.**

**********She stared up at her face shadowed by the bright light. It was Juliet. How could that be possible … unless she somehow survived the gunshot wound from the boat? She was with them. _The others._  
**

**********Sarah ignored her, rolling her eyes around. "What have you done with Sayid? What did you do to him? Where is he? Where's Jack?! "**

**********"I don't know what you're talking about Laren. " Juliet answered her. "You've been unconscious for quite some time now. **

******"****We've been waiting for you to wake up …Welcome home. "**

**********She recognized the dingy yellow walls. She heard the familiar sounds above her. The whales were singing. She scanned the room with her eyes. It wasn't the room she'd spent most of her life living in, but it was the same hatch.**

**********" I don't believe you. " She argued. " You took Jack! You killed Sun. Now where is Sayid? I know you have him. I know you have Jack. I want to see them! I want to see them _now_! "**

**********She lifted her head and looked at her hands and feet. " Get me off this thing. Let me down! "**

**********Juliet shook her head, then a familiar voice spoke. " Just relax Laren. Everything is okay. "**

**********The voice belonged to Ben. She knew it instantly. The sight of him made her stomach turn. She knew she was disoriented, but not enough to overlook that this was just plain crazy!**

**********"Let me off of this thing ... " She spat. " … And then I might _relax. _"**

**********Ben eyed her, and then nodded to Juliet. Her feet and hands pulsed as the blood rushed into them after being released from the straps. She rose up quickly, felt a rush in her head, and teetered on the edge of the table. Ben offered a hand but she flinched and pulled away from him.**

**********"Laren. " He said.**

**********She glared at him. "What have you done with Jack and Sayid? "**

**********Juliet and Ben exchanged glances. Glances that told her they knew exactly what she was talking about, and she wasn't going to let them off easy. **

******"****I don't know what you're talking about. " He answered her.**

**********"Of course you don't. " She retorted.**

**********Ben lowered himself eye level to her. "You've been through a lot. You almost died. "**

******" ****Yea, " She scoffed. " Right. And I suppose you're going to tell me you don't know what the hatch is. You don't know who Michael and Walt are. You didn't tell him to kill Ana and Libby and you didn't make him trick Jack into coming here? "**

**********Eyes narrowed, his forehead wrinkled in confusion, but she knew the expression well enough to know he was hiding something. "I don't know where this is coming from. You've been very ill. "**

******" ****Stop lying to me. " She demanded. **

**********His eyes widened slightly, almost undetectable, but she knew the look. Ben hated having his integrity questioned … though anyone could rightfully question it. **

******"****Laren, I resent that." He admitted. "But you've been sick … so I'm willing to overlook it. "**

**********He place a hand on each shoulder, locking eyes with her and then unloaded a whopper of a bombshell. "I don't know where you _think_ you've been, but the truth is, you've been right here unconscious, _for over two months now._ " **


	25. Bad Cigarette Smoke

**Chapter 25 - Bad Cigarette Smoke **_**  
**_

_**The knots in her stomach wrenched tighter as she crept closer to the front door. Nervously, she tugged the paper, jerking it open; she stretched it out in front of her face and read the name with precise concentration, rolling her eyes over each letter.  
**_

_** She swallowed a breath.**_

_**The sound of the screen door creaking open startled her, as the blond woman, wearing a blue bathrobe, stood at the top of the stairs peering out at her from the screened in porch. Her face lined with a mixture of curiosity and aggravation. **_

_**Sarah stared at her from the bottom of the stairs, shifting her feet timidly. She sucked in thick, fearful gulps of air. She was here. She was standing in the yard. She was standing in front of her, but Sarah's mouth was frozen and her vocal chords locked closed. She stood at the bottom of the stairs, blinking wide-eyed as the woman glared from above.**_

_**" Who are you? " The woman demanded. " What do you want? "**_

**Her memory brought her this far, but was sketchy, at best, beyond this moment. Why _was_ she there? She was sure it had something to do with something she had seen or heard. What ****_did_ she want? It was all so fuzzy.  
**

**She sat upright dangling her legs, hands flat beside her. Her eyes flicked over the cold white walls. She wished she could remember more. It seemed on the edge of her mind … but miles away.**

**"Did you hear what I said? " Ben prodded.**

**Her eyes drifted downwards, as she slid onto her feet and wandered aimlessly towards the door. She glanced out of the small, checkered window. Two months? What did that mean? If Sayid were still alive, he would come for her … unless he thought she were dead. If it had been two months, then he might have believed that. _But if he were _… She refused to consider the alternative.**

**Just outside the window was a dark steel wall. She heard the creaking sound above her and sighed.**

**"Laren? " He called from behind her.**

**She flipped around and glared at him. "Yes … _Henry_ … I hear you. "  
**

**His mouth dropped open slightly in an expression of surprise. She lifted her chin as she straightened her shoulders. "Well, that _is _the name you went by when you were in the hatch … _isn't it_? The name you gave Jack and Sayid? Oh, and Locke. "**

**He stared and then shook his head, propping his hands on his hips as she rolled out her interrogation. "What _did_ you do to Michael anyway - To make him turn on them? Threaten him? Did you promise him something you wouldn't really give him? _Did you enjoy watching him murder Ana and Libby?_ "**

******She had hoped to get a rise out of him. Instead, he watched her with the same bug inspecting qualities Jack once displayed. (Although there _was_ a quick exchange of knowing glances between he and Juliet.) He was playing a game with her. _They both were_. That meant there was something they wanted. _But what?_**

******She felt a tinge of familiar apprehension set in, as the timid young girl inside attempted to drag this newfound confidence under submission. She swallowed the hard lump of fear and gave a smirk. "So. I've been lying here on this table for four months. That's what you said … _Right?_ "**

******"Two months. " Juliet corrected. She lifted a hip and rested on the edge of the table, with her arms folded.**

******Sarah nodded. "Oh … right. Two months. "**

******She studied them, but their expressions had changed little.**

******"Well. " She blew out a slight chuckle. "I suppose I should be thankful Tom didn't throw me off the boat and leave me for dead. "**

******She closed her eyes as she heard the pop and pictured the quick flash of light in her mind. The last thing she saw were the stars twinkling above her. _The same sky he was under, _somewhere on the beach, unable to reach the boat in time. The last words spoken between them were bitter and angry on her part. _How she regretted that.  
_  
She noted the look between them - Ben and Juliet. It was inquisitive, but also one of knowing. They both seemed confused. Yet, they were hiding something. (This much, she knew.)**

******Ben folded his arms. "What boat? "**

******She closed her eyes, pressed her lips together and shook her head. Then she sighed, staring at him. "What boat? Now … _that's_ very funny. The one you took from Sayid. Oh … sorry. _You_ weren't there. It was Colleen's group. "**

******"I know that Sun is dead ... She went overboard when Tom shot her - _after he shot me_. "**

******Neither of them responded. Ben remained standing, arms crossed over his chest. Juliet halfway sitting on the cot with one foot on the floor.**

******" … But Sayid and Jin were both on the beach. What did you do? Did you kill them too? Did you bring them here somewhere? Where are Jack, Kate and Sawyer? Hurley? "**

**"****You're probably hungry. " Juliet interrupted rather oddly. The statement baffled Sarah.**

******"Yes, " Ben agreed. "I think perhaps you'll feel a little more like yourself after you've eaten. "**

******She stared wide eyed at the two of them - bewildered. _Herself ?_ Then nodded with understanding. "_Oh _… so you wanna drug me now. "**

**********Juliet smiled coyly. " No Laren. If we _wanted_ to drug you … we would just drug you. We don't need to trick you to do that. "**

**********She wasn't lying. If they wanted, they would just hold her down and drug her. They didn't need games or deception to do it.**

**********" Fine. " She responded. " _Whatever_. I'm not hungry though. " **

**********"No one's going to drug you. " Ben sighed, shooting Juliet a warning look. He took her by the elbow and nudged her towards the door. Sarah watched them whisper.**

**********Ben held the door open while Juliet slid into the corridor, then turning to Sarah, he smiled warmly. "I was very worried about you. You should know that you gave us all quite a scare. "**

**********"Sure, " She scoffed. " _God forbid you should loose another guinea pig_. " **

**********Ignoring her sarcasm, he stepped across the room and pulled out a hard metal chair. **"**_Sit_ down. "**

**********She stiffened, crossing her arms while holding a steely - eyed glare at him. The ever so predictable " _gentle_ " Ben put on his best fatherly face as he drug his own chair out, sat in it and motioned her to join him. Reluctantly, she sat.  
**

******"****You _do_ remember when we were all out there in the jungle, don't you? " He began. When I tried to convince you to come home. You remember that … _Yes?_ "**

**********She answered with narrowed eyes. " Yea, _that's_ when you shot me. "  
**

**********His chest spread out in a deep breath, as he rubbed his chin. " You stepped on a trip wire. It was rigged to a rifle. You triggered it when you stepped on it. The bullet grazed the back of your head. You had a fever for about two weeks as the infection set in. When the fever broke, and the infection cleared, you didn't wake up. _That_ was nearly two months ago. "**

**********She scanned his face and, with profound puzzlement, detected no deception in his eyes or his voice. She felt as though she'd been punched as the room whirled around her. Could it be that maybe _this_ was the part that wasn't real? Had Tom thrown her overboard after all and she now lie somewhere half-dead, in some feverish hallucinative state?**

**********" So, no. " He continued. "I don't know anything about a boat. But you _did_ dream while you were unconscious. _Like you used to_. "**

**********She glanced back at him with shiny eyes. There were many dreams back then. There was the boy. The one with brown eyes. Sometimes he told her not to be afraid, when more often than not, she _knew_ he was afraid.**

**********If what Ben was telling her were true, then she had dreamt one long elaborate dream. If it were true - there were no survivors on the beach. _No Sayid_. No hatch. No numbers. _No Sayid_. None of it was real. The feel of the warm ocean water crawling around her ankles, pulling the sand from under her feet when the tide went out again. _No Sayid. _It was all in her mind. _A fantasy. _  
**

**********Her stomach let out a famished growl. She flipped around thoughtfully, with a fresh round of protests. "So, if I've been lying here for two months, have you just been letting me starve? " **

**********He shook his head as he swiped a growing frustrated palm over his face. "No, we've been giving you fluids intravenously … _that is,_ until you managed to tear it out of your arm. We restrained you, but you woke up before we had a chance to put it in again. "**

**********She rolled her eyes … intravenously … _unbelievable_. He received her skepticism and added. "Take a look and see. "**

**********She cast a reluctant gaze to where she had been lying and caught sight of a bag hanging off a pole. She scowled, grabbing her arm and holding it up to examine it. There were marks and residue. **

**********"You've been through an ordeal. " He said, covering her hand with his. "But you're home now. Where you belong. ""With_ your family_. "  
**

**********She flicked a gleaming gaze into his face and felt a warm tear brim over and spill onto her cheek. Had she really dreamt the last seventy-two days of her life, woken up and found herself in prison - _again_? The last flame of fight within her flickered as she took the entire expanse of it in. She could have done anything knowing that at least one person loved her. That could have carried her through anything. **

**********But it wasn't real ? _How could HE not be real?_**

**********She drew herself out of the chair and wandered across the room, finding herself staring back out of the window. She caught site of her reflection. The wide hazel eyes wet with tears. She ran a finger down the white strip of hair, she remembered the first moment she saw his face to the last words they spoke. She had left him in anger.**

**********_How could HE not be real ?_**

**********Her mind raced with a sudden awareness. An answer overlooked for his shrewd speach, how he cunningly slipped her under his thumb. If he convinced her ... If she believed that she simply conjured this up in her mind, _dreamt it,_ then she wouldn't fight him. She would loose all hope and withdraw back into her solitude. She would believe there was nothing out there to run to.**

**********_No one to run to. _  
**

**********He would have taken away any spark of hope that may still be glimmering within her. She turned; raising her eyes to his, and spoke calmly. "You know, I heard someone say once that hope is a dangerous thing to loose … to take away from someone. " **

**********She began a slow pace around the room, wheels churning in her mind. **

**********Ben sat with a controlled quietness, while his eyes followed her. She turned to look at him. She once called him her father … _But it was a lie _- just like most of everything he was telling her now. He would never be trustworthy. He would never truly be honest. His expression revealed a surface sincerity with a brooding ulterior motive underneath. His answers always controlled, yet reeked with manipulation. **

******"****Isn't it better… " He responded to her, raising himself out of the chair. " … To accept reality than trying to grasp a false hope? " **

**********Her brow turned into a downward scowl as he moved towards her. **

******"****There's that look again. " He went on, smiling gently. "Honestly, what good is clinging to something that was never real? **

**********She turned her head away from him as he drew closer. **"**Look around you Laren … Breath the air. "**

******"****_This_ is real. " **

**********He took her hand in his. "_I _am real. "**

******"****I'm your father and this is your home. "**

******"****_That's_ real. " **

**********She fought back as her body responded to the swelling emotion under her skin. The churning of her stomach, her lip trembling, face twisting from the familiar sense of vulnerability. She sighed, hating herself for letting him get to her. _Why was she fighting so hard_? Could she be a fool for thinking there could be something for her outside all of this? Where were the deep blue skies now ? The golden sun that smiled down on her in bright yellow and orange hues? The full moon, shining among diamond stars, over the flickering ocean waves? **

**********His arms reached around her and pulled her to him as she dissolved into tears. **

******" ****There now, angel. Everything is fine. " **

**********Somewhere out there her friends were walking under the same stars, the same sun and moon. **

******__****Somewhere**

**********She knew that whether she had dreamed the past month, _or not_, this moment was more artificial than any thing she could conjure up. _She knew it_. Yet she cried in his arms like a little girl. It was unfair ! She wasn't supposed to hate herself. Punish herself for that place inside of her that wanted him to be truthful …_ sincere_. **

******__****The big white door squeaked open and Benjamin walked through it holding a pink cake with candles on top of it. Flickering, yellow flames glowed warmly over them. She thought it was strange how the flames appeared to just float ... like magic. Hovering there above the multicolored sticks of wax. **

******"__****Happy Birthday, Angel. " He smiled holding it close enough to blow out the candles. She puckered her lips and drew a large breath of air. She thought about how she would extinguish them all with one big puff this time. Filling her lungs with as much air as she could, she released it, only to find that the flames were already gone before a single puff of air ever reached them, and the little candles sat there, perched on top of the cake, with tiny black smoldering wicks. **

******"__****They're already out. " She said plainly, and then frowned.**

******__****Ben knelt before her. He flicked his eyes between her and the cake, in profound consideration. She tilted her head. "What's the matter Daddy? " **

******__****His eyes flicked over her face for a moment, and then he stood up. "Oh nothing's wrong. Daddy's just thinking about how big you are now. You're growing up so fast! " **

******__****She smiled and stood up straight, holding her chest out, and her shoulders up. **"_**I am? " **_

******__****He chuckled. "Yes, but not too big for birthday cake. Now come over here and have some. " **

******__****He watched her eat, saving the shell of icing for last. Her long chestnut hair fell in ringlets to her waist. A sad expression crossed her eyes as she picked at the icing. **

******"__****Don't you like the cake? " He questioned. **

******__****She gave a long heavy gaze at the door and then looked up at him. **"_**It's okay. But … " **_

******"__****But? " **

******"__****Why can't I go outside? Why can't I see what's out there? Aren't there other kids? " **

******__****He sighed, picking up her plate. "We've talked about this before. " **

******__****He knelt on one knee, eye level with her, and held her chin in his hand. **"_**You're a very special little girl. Not like them … It's not safe for you out there. " **_

******__****She gazed a longing stare at the door, then dropped her head and whispered. " But I don't want to be special. " **

**********It was just a puff of memory like so many others - like puzzle-pieces in her mind. **

**********She lay staring up at the matching white ceiling, unable to close her eyes. Ben had returned her to her old room and had left hours ago. A tray of cold food sat on the little table across the room - untouched. She heard the sounds above her. The whales sang sad refrains, as the ceiling creaked and groaned under the weight of the water. **_**Maybe in their own way, they too were crying out for freedom. **_

******"****You_ do remember to count, don't you? _" The voice startled her and she leapt up, stumbling off the edge of the bed. The fall seemed in slow motion as she greeted the floor with a thump, knocking the breath out of her on impact. Lying face down, she pondered the thought of getting up or staying where she was and ignoring what she had just heard. _Just like a child who hopes that perhaps the monster won't see her if she lies perfectly still and silent._**

******"****Sarah? " The little boy called her. **

**********Slowly she turned herself over and sat up. She scooted back against the wall, tangled in the sheets, and gawked at him. She had memorized his face from long ago. His sad brown eyes and matching brown hair. He was wearing faded jeans and a blue t-shirt. **

**********Now this … _this_ was an illusion - _without question_. **

******"****You … you're not supposed to be here. " She whispered. "You can't be here. " **

******"****But Sarah, did you forget me? _You can't forget_. " He pleaded with her. **

**********She hadn't forgotten him. It came rushing into her mind, as quickly as river breaking through a broken dam ... _she remembered him_. The sad little boy she spent so much time with those years ago. He was her only friend for so long. He showed her her first glimpse of the world outside of small empty rooms with no windows behind locked doors. He taught her how to play Jacks and hide an' seek. He taught her how to ride a bicycle with his own bike. **

**********She had missed him. But this is not where he was supposed to be. "I …" She trembled. "I …no. But… " **

**********He smiled at her. "Don't be afraid. Just count and it will go away. " **

**********She was standing on her feet now, moving towards him. "How did you …? " **

******"****Don't forget Sarah. " He repeated as his voice trailed off and then he was gone. She stood in the place where he had been, eyes wide open. She went to the door and turned the knob, but it didn't move. She released a dissatisfied grunted as she stomped her way to the bed, pondering the stability of her own sanity. Hoping that perhaps this was some sort of drug-induced hallucination brought on by a trick of Bens or Juliet's. **

**********She had calmed herself - after a few moments - and was finally ready to disappear under the sheets again, when she caught a movement out of the corner of her eye. **

******__****Oh God, what now? **

**********She recognized the brooding man immediately as a rush of emotion overcame her. He was pacing the room, and talking into the wall. **

******"****Jack? " She whispered. **

**********He continued yelling frantically. "Who are you? What do you want? " **

**********She tried to stand up, but stumbled out of the bed and fell. "Jack, don't you know me? What are you doing here? Did you escape? "**

**********Without warning, nostrils flaring, he grunted and thrust his palm into the wall, and then recoiled in pain. She struggled to get on her feet watching him pace and rub his hand. "Jack! Oh, my God …are … are you all right? Jack?! " **

**********She took a timid step closer. _He was clearly distraught_. "Jack, I'm so sorry. I am _so_ sorry for not telling you the truth from the beginning. About Michael. I am _so_ sorry. Jack are you still angry with me? " **

**********Standing there, she flicked her eyes around the room. What was he doing there? _Was this some sick jok_e?**

******"****How did you get in here? " She asked him, but he seemed to either be ignoring her, or unaware of her presence. "Jack? "**

**********Shivers went through her when he suddenly jerked around and faced her. His eyes burning through her with intensity. "Jack is here. Find him. " **

******"****Don't forget. " **

**********She opened her mouth, but no words fell out of it, as she stood before him dumbfounded. The big white door flung open. Ben sauntered in and through him, then he disappeared. **

**********She felt lightheaded, as her face grew pale. Ben dropped the tray he was holding and grabbed her elbow. **

******"****Are you all right? Sit down. " He guided her to the chair by the table. " Here, have something to drink. "**

**********He offered her some orange juice in a single-serve carton, but she hardly acknowledged him, staring at the place where Jack stood. **

******"****You're as white as a sheet. " He said. "What happened? Were you sleep walking? Are you having the dreams again? " **

******__****The dreams ****… that's what he had called them. This boy was just something she had conjured up in her mind. That was ****_his_ explanation. When she grew older, he referred to him as her imaginary friend. She need not be disturbed by that however, since it was normal for children to have imaginary friends. **

**********She had always wondered, though ... _was it normal for the parents to ask so many questions about the said imaginary friend?_ **

**********She ran a hand through her hair, stood up and stared into his face. "No. No, I don't think so. But then those weren't _jus_t dreams. I don't know why you keep up the charade. " **

******"****Oh Laren. " He frowned. **

**********Her eyes strayed over to the place where both the boy and Jack had both stood, and found her will renewed. "I'm sorry … But I don't believe you. I don't believe anything you say. " **

**********He shifted his weight, and then his icy blue eyes penetrated hers. "Well ... sweetheart ... you can choose to believe the Earth doesn't revolve around the Sun … _but that doesn't mean it will suddenly stop_. " **

**********With a frustrated sigh, Ben eased into the chair next to her, propped his elbow on the table, and rubbed his chin. Penetrating, blue eyes curiously searched her face, though she hung her head, fiddling with her hands.**

**********It was as if two people struggled inside her. One part wanted to withdraw into that place of solitude. That part would be obedient and submissive, never speaking out of line, never fighting, but giving in to her doomed future by letting go of her own will. The other side longed for independence, thirsting for a life free of dominance by Ben and the others. Desperate enough to fight for her future … _her dreams_. **

**********He eventually lifted his foot to his knee, dropping his arm across the table and turning his head sideways. She had become a puzzle to which he could find no solution. "Alright. What's really going on here? _Tell me. _" **

**********Her eyes drifted up to his as she pulled a foot under her, and then settled back down, but she remained quiet and unresponsive. He lifted his chin up, taking a breath, and then lowered it. Running his fingers through his hair, he seemed to be concentrating on his next move - _she seemed to be leaving him with fewer with each altercation._ **

**********She flicked her eyes up, and with a heavy sigh, he made another effort.**

******"****This boy. " He said. The one from your dreams … how old is he? " **

**********This forced her out of her shell, scowling an angered glare at him. "I _wasn't_ dreaming and I _wasn't _imagining him. " **

**********"_Fine_. " He put his palm in the air. "Fine then, but when you _see_ him … How old is he? " **

**********Her attention trailed off to where the boy and Jack both stood just moments before, and there she rested her gaze. This was the first time she had seen him since she was a girl, and he was the same. A boy of 14 - perhaps 15, but no older. Pale skin and freckled nose. **

**********She whispered in a meager tone of voice. "I don't know … He's a boy. " **

**********She turned her face up to his pitifully. "He's just a boy. " **

**********Ben nodded with a look on his face that said he was dropping a bomb, as he leaned in closer to her. "But look at _you_. _You're_ a young woman … all grown up. _Why is he still a boy_? " **

**********He let the question fall into the stiff air, floating between them like bad cigarette smoke. She heard him, but was stunned by his words. There was no answer. He _should_ be a man now. With soft brown eyes and a crooked smile_. She wondered if he would make the same silly faces. _**

**********But he wasn't a man - _was he?_ She tried to digest what she had just heard. Tried to hear the reasoning. He'd been her only friend since she was a child … _her only confidant _- of course he was real! **

**********She had held the Jacks in her hand; she had felt the pedals under her feet. How could it not be real? _How?_ She stared at the spot in the room and could see him standing there. Heard his words. "Don't_ forget. _"**

**********If she didn't believe in something, she would be lost to everything. **

**********She raised herself in the chair and lifted her head, meeting Ben's eyes squarely with her own. She _had_ to believe, _had_ to trust herself and not crumble under his soft oppression. **

**********She opened her mouth, surprised with her own boldness. **

**********"You want me to trust _you_, to believe _you_. Youhave_never _believed me. Believed anything I've ever said. And if that isn't enough, _you _keep me locked up in this glorified prison - so I think I have good reason to doubt you. Yes, I'm all grown up - _as you said -_ but _you_****treat me like a child. Well, I'm done. And it will cost me what it costs me. " **

**********Then she drew a long heavy breath and spoke.** **"Take me to Jack. " **


	26. Lost

_**Chapter 26 - My Name is Sarah**_

**Ben was not one to show emotion, yet she had driven him to nearly breaking point, as the muscles in his face tensed with frustration. _She was trying him_. Testing his patience. He sat there at the small square table, in silent fury, gathering his thoughts. She swallowed, fearing she had pushed him too far. Startling her, he rose in one fluid motion and approached the door, wrapping his fingers around the handle and opened it. He motioned to her. "Let's go. " **

**She rose apprehensively, glancing around the room. The plain white walls and bed. A knot of fearfulness churned inside of her - What if he were marching her to the other room?**

"_**Get out. You've got to get out … now! " Alex's voice pleaded in her head. **_

**This is the flash of memory that had haunted her, so long ago. Now she understood**

_**In her lonely, white room of solitude, she had slipped under the sheets, closed her eyes and drifted off, only to be jolted awake by a coarse hand over her mouth, and a sharp needle prick in the leg … Then the blackness.**_

**She was cringing in the corner of the cramped, dark room, breathing the stench and dampness, when Alex found her. **

_**Just a single sliver of pale light slipped through the crack under the old wooden door. **_

_**She heard a rustling noise and saw a shadow beneath the door. Lying there, gagged and tied, she pushed herself closer to the wall wishing she could just disappear there. She winced at the stream of light cutting into her eyes as the door cracked open. Heart racing, and sweat rolling down her back, she sensed nausea and prayed that she would not upchuck through the painful gag that held her tongue prisoner against the roof of her mouth. **_

_**The light faded and she recognized the voice. "Sarah? "**_

_**Alex fell down beside her, releasing her from bondage, urging her. **_**"Come** _**on, get up!**__**You've got to get up!**_** "**

**Sweat beads broke out on her forehead and she nervously balled up clammy palms. She did not want to go back to the other room. That small cramped room where she couldn't breath. **

**Ben glared at her through a stern face. "I'm not asking you again. "**

**Feeling utterly small and weak, she inched forward, dreading what might be waiting on the outside of that door. He placed a hand on the small of her back and guided her into the dimly - lit passageway. She did not ask him where he was taking her. **

_**She did not speak at all. **_

**Juliet's silhouette grew clearer upon approach. Flicking a disapproving glance at Ben, she spoke in a pleasantly strained tone. "Ben … what are you doing?" **

**His eyes met hers firmly as he responded, "Don't worry about it, everything is fine. " **

**She folded her arms, with head cocked sideways, staring into the other room where the tray sat atop a mess of broken glass and splattered food. "Is it?" **

" **It is. " He answered, clearly annoyed. Clearing his throat, he continued in a low voice that was both polite and threatening, while gesturing towards the mess in the other room. "Can you make sure that gets cleaned up? " **

**She flicked her eyes between him and Sarah as if debating tongue lashing him. **

**Sarah stood quietly beside Ben, trembling. She was the proverbial mouse caught between two rival cats. Though she had never been able to shake the feeling that if Ben were gone, she would be either dead, or lying on the dissection table in the lab. **

**Ben was manipulative and deceptive, almost sleazy - _in his own way_ - but Juliet was cruel and ruthless. _Both were dangerous. _They fought like siblings engaging in a power struggle, contending for their parent's affection and favor. **

**The exchange of verbal boxing lasted for a mere minute or two, but it was too long for Sarah. Juliet smiled coyly. "Of course. " **

"**Thank you. " He responded, and then nudged Sarah forward. She allowed him to guide her through the dank passageway, all the while her heart felt as though it were painfully beating out of her chest. She heard Jacks voice in her head. **

"**Just **_**breathe. Not through your mouth, but through your nose**_**. " **

_**Through the nose**_**. She coaxed herself. She began to draw, shaky, but quiet deep breaths through her nostrils, the knot in her stomach climbing to her throat, feet scuffing the floor every now and then. She closed her eyes for a second when they reached the door. **_**She wasn't going crumble before him. She wasn't going to let him have that. **_

**He wedged himself between she and the door, then turned shortly to fix a long unreadable gaze at her. She looked at the floor, unable to raise her eyes to his burning stare. He slid the key into the keyhole and turned it until there was a loud click. Her heart thumped. **

**She would not show her fear, she would not scream and yell, or fight back. _She was determined. _**

**He turned the knob and pushed the door open, waiting for her to enter. **

**She took a step forward, but her legs stiffened, she could not move. Lips trembling, her determination drained out of her in one fast drop. She cried fretfully, stammering in short breaths. "I …I …I … I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Please. " **

**She felt so small that he could step on her and squash her like a bug. "I don't want to go back …. "**

_**She hated herself for letting him win again. **_

**He raised his chin and took a breath, but said nothing. Instead, he gestured for her to enter. She swallowed hard, choking back the knot welling in her throat, grudgingly anticipating the stench to hit her lungs in a painful stab. **

**She stepped through the door. **

**She detected motion viewed from the corner of her eye accompanied by a rustling sound. Startled, she whipped around to catch a glimpse of a figure several feet away from her. She sucked in air once she was able to focus. She knew the short-cropped hair and scruffy face. He stood tall with bare arms to his sides, staring at her. Her face crinkled with emotion. **

"**Jack! " She bolted from the floor and leapt towards him, only to be thrown back by some invisible force. Her body repelled off the glass partition like a rag doll and she sat on the floor, with the sound of her body hitting the glass reverberating in her head, waiting for the room to stop spinning. **

**Ben was at her side, kneeling down. "Laren? Are you hurt? "**

**His voice was rather distant as she raised her eyes to Jack's, who gaped at her from behind the glass. She wiped a red streak from her nose, slowly pushing herself on shaky legs. Ben grabbed an elbow, but she retracted it deliberately, casting a wide -eyed gaze at Jack. She heard the voice echoing in her head. **

_**Jack is here. Find him. (Pretty accurate for a hallucination.)**_

**She approached him carefully this time, recognizing the partition as a divider between the room and a large fish tank. Probably some sort of examining room for large fish - like dolphins and the like. Jack was being held in the empty tank, a metal slab bolted behind him in the middle of the floor. **

**There was a brief moment of silence between them as the ceiling groaned under the weight of the ocean water. **

"**Jack. " She whispered with shiny eyes. "Jack are you alright? " **

**She spread her palms out against the glass, but Jack stood still and silent, staring at her. After a few painfully unresponsive moments, he responded in a disturbingly angry tone ... "Do I _know_ you? Am I _supposed_ to know you? Who the hell _are_ you?! " **

**She closed her eyes and swallowed, answering meekly. "I … Jack … it's me. Jack, don't you know me? " **

**He stepped up to the glass, nostrils flaring and the muscles in his neck tensing. **

"**No … I **_**don't**_**! " **

**One, large, tear tumbled out of her eye and rolled down her cheek, as she choked out, " What did they say to make you do this ? What did they tell you? Jack, you know me … You know me! " **

**Giving a snort, he pulled away from the glass, running his hand over his head, pacing the floor. She watched him sadly. How did they get to him? How did they break him? She closed her eyes again and shook her head. It was more than she could stand. Why? What was the point of games? **

**Sadness abruptly morphed into anger, which flooded her entire body faster than light as she flipped around to Ben. "What did you do?! What did you do to him?! Where are the others?! Do you have them locked up too?! Where are they?! " **

**He took a step towards her, opening his mouth to speak, when some residual flash of a reflexive response sent her hand clawing desperately at her pocket, while backing away from him. She reached, but nothing was there. **

"**Are you looking for this? " Ben asked smugly.**

**He raised a small black object - one that she recognized immediately - and waved it in the air. _The taser she lifted from Jude._ Her mind exploded. She flung herself backwards and met the wall, and glared. " Now I _know_ you've been lying because I took that off of Jude when he tried to drag me back here from the beach. " **

**He shook his head in frustration and yanked a handkerchief from his pocket. **

"**You're nose is bleeding. " **

**She did not move. He flippantly tossed the handkerchief on the floor in front of her, and spat out another bombshell. "Laren, Jude died in the crash. No one dragged you from the beach. You stole this and it was retrieved at the hospital in Australia, unfortunately after you stunned Richard with it. "**

"**Don't you remember? " **

**Wide eyed, she watched him with anticipation. She heard him, every word … Yet a thought crawled through her head, _one she did not particularly care for_. He had wasted so much time and energy trying to convince her he didn't know who Jack was. To make her think she had imagined or dreamt it. Taking her to Jack would not help him discredit her. If anything, it supported her. No, something else was going on. She didn't even know what it could be and it already frightened her. Ben never did anything without a reason …without an ulterior motive. **

**She stared suspiciously and demanded. "Why did you bring me here? Why? " **

**He fiddled with the taser, rolling it around in his hands in an ominous gesture. **

"**You've always been very … **_**bright**_**. " **

**His words were remarkably similar to Jude's. _"You have always been very intuitive. Perceptive. " _**

**She shivered at the skin crawlies … "You've always been very bright. " **

_**Oh God. She knew what that meant - something bad was going to happen. **_

**He shot a glance over to Jack, which sent a jolt of fear through her body, then responded. **

"**This is going to seem very cruel …but it's necessary. " **

**She wrenched her head towards Jack, with eyes bulging, and then jerked back around, frantically pleading with trembling lips. "No! Please no! I'll do whatever you want. Anything! "**

**Completely unaffected by her begging, he shut himself off and responded disturbingly unattached. "This is how it's going to be. _It's your choice. _"**

**She shook her head as her eyes tears warmed her eyes, flicking her gaze to Jack occasionally. But Jack said nothing as he stood behind the glass and watched. He didn't call out to her, or attempt to defend her. He stood and watched. Ben exposed another device from his shirt pocket. A small, square box, with a button on top. He leaned down, placing the box on the floor, and slid it across to her. **

**It hit her shoe with a thud. **

"**There's a button on that box. " He glanced over to the tank. "When you press **

**that button, the responsive device we planted inside Jack will send off electric shock waves throughout his body. I won't lie … it _will_ be painful. But when I tell you to push that button … _you will do it_. " **

**She helplessly begged and pleaded with her eyes, flicking them between him and Jack. He could not order her to do this. She couldn't do it. _She wouldn't. _**

"**What the hell is going on here? " Tom barged his way through the door offensively. He was am obese man of average height, wiry, silver hair and Sarah grew nauseas in his presence. **

**He clenched his teeth as soon as he saw her. "What the hell? " **

**His exclamation was cut short when Ben reached out and touched him with the taser and he hit the floor, body riveting from the electric jolts. Ben remained unaffected, turning his attention to Sarah. "If you choose not to do what I ask, the jolt will be twice as worse as what I just hit him with.**

"**Now**_**, pick up the box**_**. " **

**She watched in horror as Tom's body crumbled to the cold hard floor, twitching from the jolt of electricity running through it. For a moment, she pitied Jude as she remembered that day in the forest when he too lie twitching and jerking on top of the brown leaves. **

**This was the workings of a crazy man … _a monster_. He could say he loved her and in the same breath, force her to either torture her friend or be tortured. He could not expect her to do this. He didn't think she really would … did he? **

"**No. " She whispered. " I can't. " **

**A stream of tears began their trek down her face and she murmured between sobs. **

"**I just can't. "**

**His callous expression never changed, as he demanded, like a controlled drill sergeant. "Pick up the box. " **

**Jack had not responded at all. He observed the drama unfolding as if watching a baseball game, only without the cheering and the "Hey batta batta."**

**Sarah took a long tormented gaze towards him. "I can't do it. P … _Please. _" **

**Jack's features softened into a compassionate but determined stare as he broke his silence and all but ordered her firmly. "Do it. " **

**She stared at him helplessly, mouth gaping open. He stepped forwards determinedly, pressed against the glass and raised his voice as he repeated forcefully. "Just do what he said … Do it! " **

**Streams of tears chilled her face while she shook her head. Jack stood with a hand on his waist, running the other over his head and licking his lips. "Look, Laren … it is _Laren _right? "**

**She blinked back another rush of tears as she repeated. "No … No … " **

**Ben taunted her. "You have thirty seconds to decide … or I'll make the decision for you. " **

**Jack pleaded with her. "Just does it. " **

**His neck extended rigidly with persistence as he shouted…. "Do it _Laren_! Go on! Push the button! DO IT! " **

**Ben. "Laren…" **

**She drew long deep, but staggered breaths, her body tensing, as she grabbed her head with white knuckled fists and rejected their pleading more defiantly. **

"**No … No! " **

**Ben taunted her. "Laren … "**

**Jack ordered. "Laren. "**

**A ball of fury rapidly ignited from within her and began it's defiant descent from inside, rolling it's way out of her and then exploding as her brows drew into an**

**exaggerated pointed scowl, eyes darkening with furious rebellion. **

**The single dim light above them flickered, the open door beginning a slow sway as she screamed. **

"**My name is SARAH! "**

**She awoke to a light touch and a familiar whisper. "Sarah? "With a fuzzy head, she gazed into his face. He held her in deep brown eyes while tenderly stroking her hair. She rose at his gentle nudge and glanced around, face flushed, with his name on her lips. "Sayid? "**

" **It's alright " He calmed her, drawing her into his arms. " It's alright, you're safe. "**

**She dissolved to tears, nuzzling her head under his chin, "I thought you were dead. I thought … "**

" **Shhhh… " He assured her. " I am not dead. I promised I would not abandon you, as long as there is a sky above us. " **

**He rose, pulling her up with him. " We should leave while we are able. "**

**He took her hand, leading her to the door, but she flicked her eyes through the room. The plain room beside the empty fish tank. Jack was gone. **"**Where is Jack? We can't leave without him! "**

**He turned. " Jack is safe. But we must leave or we will not be. "**

**He turned her face to his. " You must follow me, and do everything that I tell you ... Do you trust me? "**

**It seemed a question with an obvious answer. She nodded emphatically. "I trust you. "**

**The large door opened. Sayid stepped through it grasping her hand. Once he passed the threshold, she was pulled forwards in his path. His hand slipped from hers as she was sucked through the doorway screaming his name. She stepped into a thick, white cloud hovering in the air. A foul odor singed her lungs. She coughed violently, as it strangled the breath out of her. The odor of ash, blood and death. **

**Guns rattled off all around her with flashing lights in the distance. A slow rise of panic set in - _Where was Sayid_? The ground beneath her feet was dust that she breathed choking gulps of. Explosive booms rocked the earth under her, reverberating through her body, followed by quick flashes of bright, white lights.**

**She took a step, hitting something soft with her foot. She struggled with balance, lost her footing and toppled over into the dust. She stuck her head up and found herself face to face with a man lying on his belly. His clothes were red stained. The soil around him was red mud.**

**She bounced to her feet, scouring the area with her eyes, seeing a battlefield of macabre. Men lie scattered all over the ground; some were pale and others dark. The stink was stronger and harder to breathe through. She stumbled across the bodies and whispered. "Sayid? "**

**Men dressed in muted colors popped in and out of the smoke, chattering words she didn't recognize. A strong hand that grasped her arm tightly, jolted her - cutting the circulation off. "You come with me. "**

**She looked up with relief. "Sayid! Where are we? What's happening? "**

**He yanked her up roughly, setting her on her feet. One of the other men rattled off something to him and he jostled her, demanding that she stay still and not speak. She remembered his words. "Do _you trust me?_ "**

**She said nothing, nor did she resist when he took her to a holding room and pushed her into a chair. He revealed his intentions bluntly. "I am going to ask you questions. If you do not answer correctly, if you lie ... "**

**" I will hurt you. "**

**He leaned forward, bracing himself with one hand against the back of the chair, raising a heavy eyebrow. **

"**Do **_**you understand me?**_** "**

**Quivering, she stared into his eyes, and was deeply moved. Shame, sadness, regret - he was nearly as lost as she. She had come to know him as a man of great strength. Now she was able to see, with understanding, what he was trying to tell her so long ago on the boat - he too was broken.**

"**I understand. " She whispered. "I do understand. "**

**It was then that the door flew open and another man, dark - like Sayid - and thin with cropped hair, interrupted them. His black eyes threatened horrors she didn't care to witness or experience. In them was buried a fury she had never seen. He yelled gibberish at Sayid, who responded dutifully. **

"**Come. " Sayid ordered, after the man had departed, and yanked her up. He shoved her into the corridor and together they walked, joined by two guards who kept there steps several paces behind. **

**He turned his head to her, with brows drawn curiously. "Do you not fear where I am taking you? "**

"**No " She responded.**

**He nodded. "It has been determined that you will be made an example. _An example for the others._ I have been ordered to execute you. "**

**He looked down at her . "_Now do you not fear?_ "**

**Her feet stopped moving as she faced him with a calm resolve. " You promised you wouldn't leave me. And I trust you. "**

" **No. **_**I am not afraid**_**. "**

**He stood expressionless, while the men behind him jabbered a senseless diatribe. He studied her, and then raised a palm in the air responding with more gibberish.They exchanged glances and then the two men left them standing in the corridor alone.**

**He grabbed her elbow. "Go through the exit, here. " **

**He led her to a gray metal door. "There is a supply truck. Hide in there until it has carried you safely from here. "**

**" You must be quick. "**

" **Sayid! " The yelling came from the man with the cropped hair who stormed furiously towards them. Sayid flipped around, pulling something dark from his belt. She recognized the quick pop when he pulled the trigger. The man collapsed.**

**He took the gun and shot himself. She screamed and ran to him. He pushed her away, shoving the gun in her hands, "You must go ... Now! " **

"**No. " She pleaded. " No, Sayid, Sayid! "**

**With his last ounce of strength, he shoved her through the door. She was falling once more, tumbling into open space. The image of Sayid through the open door fading in front of her - growing smaller and smaller.**

**Blurry figures flashed before her. The woman in the yard, the plane crashing, the survivors from the crash. As she tumbled, their faces flitted through her mind. Alex urged her. "Get _out. You've got to get out of here …. Now!_ " She heard the gunshot ring out through the night air and saw Sun flying off of the boat and into the water. Off in the distance, she heard his voice. She heard him calling her. He was calling her name from the beach. **

"**Are you alright? " She fell into Jacks arms. She gazed up into his soft brown eyes and pondered. His eyes were so familiar, so warm. He reminded her of something - **_**someone**_

"**Jack? "**

**She awoke to a dimly lit room, sobbing on the hard floor, curled up in the corner. Her face damp and cold from the tears she had cried in her sleep. She pulled the hair from her face and mouth, coughing quietly. **

**Her head was pounding something fierce.**

"**Are you alright? Hello? " There was a quiet rustling and a soft voice. " Can you hear me? "**

**She lie for a few minutes, hurting too much to move. She rose up a little, blinking away the dust from eyes, and shuttered from the pain in her muscles. He called again. "Can you hear me? Are you all right? "**

**She wiped her face with her hands then rolled over into the glass partition. Jack squatted near with his hands on his knees, studying her. She must have heard him calling her while dreaming. **

**She lie there in confusion, unable to rise. What had happened? They were yelling at her. Ben demanded that she push the button, Jack demanded she do it. They were both ordering her to do it and they were both yelling out _Laren_. It was a terrible game of tug-o-war between her and the two of them.**

**She remembered being angry and frustrated. She saw Ben pushing the taser towards her and then the blinding white light of pain that sent her body shuddering onto the floor. The pain surged through her and felt as though it were ripping her apart. _Had Ben left her there with him_?**

**She painfully raised her head, and then answered weakly. "Jack? " **


	27. My Name is Sarah

_**A/N - I don't like to leave very many of these, but I have to warn you, if you have not read the previous chapters, you're going to be totally lost. I STRONGLY caution you to read the other chapters before reading from this point on. As a side note ... it's appropriate to call this chapter Lost since I seemed to have gotten confused and lost myself in posting it!! Right Glynnis?? Haha!! **_

**Chapter 27 - Lost**

**A bright, clear sky clenched a ball of shimmering, golden sun above a crystal sea of blue and green, rocking and swelling with the tide, as white crested waves lapped playfully in the soft warm breeze. It was paradise above. A beautiful day filled with promise. Somewhere below the surface, schools of fish darted between larger fish while, even deeper, the humpback whale sighed, crooning somber melodies. The world above had not stopped. The world above lived it's day (as well as it slept its night) unaware that deeper still, far below it, was a single room inside of an underwater hatch, where a man, with tattooed arms, sat cross-legged beside a glass wall. His full concentration rested on the woman curled up with fingers spread across the glass. Separated by this transparent wall, they were both prisoners of their own fears, their own insecurities … their own tragedies. **

**Her throat was dry, and her head pounded as she lie with a sore body, which hurt in places she didn't know there were places. She had dreamt of Sayid. But was awakened by Jacks voice calling her name. "Sarah "**

"**How do you feel? " He asked her. Her eyes moved along the glass until they reached his face. He looked well, which was a relief. They had not harmed him … as she had feared. She had a passing thought of the irony. Once, way back when, she was afraid of what he might do to her, now instead of being afraid **_**of **_**him, she was afraid **_**for**_** him. **

**No sooner had she drawn the breath, it was taken from her by the terrifying creaking of the door being flung open behind her. She recognized the footsteps. After twenty some odd years, it wasn't difficult to know when Ben was near - even if she didn't see him. The footsteps were followed by a sliding sound, and then a tap on her foot. She didn't need to look at it … she already knew. **

" **Just pick it up. " He said "and do what I ask you to do … and this will be over. " **

**Her eyes never strayed from Jacks, noting the concern on his face. She would let Ben taser her. Let him do whatever he wanted - she would not betray Jack. Perhaps he thought she would be broken when she came accept that Jack did not recognize her. Maybe he was still trying to prove her wrong. Convince her that nothing she had experienced was real. _Jack was real._ Standing above her in real blue jeans and a sleeveless shirt. This was enough proof for her to rest her faith that Sayid and all of the others were as well. She _chose_ to believe it. If she were wrong, then at least this belief served a purpose. It fueled her hope, where it had begun to slip away. **

**This knowledge, to Ben's growing exasperation, gave her the courage to summon just a little more strength to deny him. To rebel against him. To repay him for the lies he had told her for so many years. She was a bright - eyed and curious sixteen year old when she first met Alex. **

_**Ben sauntered into Sarah's cozy white room smiling and extended his hand, leading her to the exit. But she stopped just short of it, staring at the big white door. **_

"_**Where are we going? " She had spent years alone in that room,**__**and suddenly, he was leading her to the door.  
Why?**_

**_Ben smiled amiably and answered. "I have someone I want you to meet. "_ **

**Alex was around seven or eight and beautiful, dark loose curls framing her face and shoulders. Her large, expressive eyes were captivating. They bonded instantly as though they had never been strangers. It was very sloppy on Ben's part. Perhaps he had grown weary of her whining for company. He had not introduced Alex as her sister, but the look of surprise on his face was evident when little Alex called him _Daddy_. Perhaps it was a slip on her part, as if she had been drilled to not tell Sarah anything. Honestly, it was unrealistic to expect that a child so young could refrain from acknowledging such a fact. Sarah's eyes slanted trying to grasp the thought.**

**_Alex was her sister?_ **

**Alex didn't look like either her or Ben. Her face was long and narrow. This, however, was a minor discrepancy compared to the bigger conundrum. Sarah had been told that her mother died in childbirth. _How could a woman who died 16 years ago have had a child nine years later?_ She did not respond to his smooth coercion, which was nothing more than (not so subtle) bullying. **

**She lay unresponsive, staring up at Jack and blinking. He defended her, but refused to admit that he knew her. Maybe she had been completely wrong in all of her deductions. It would not be uncharacteristic of him to lie, if he thought it would spare her some minor discomfort even. But to continue to withhold acknowledgement of her seemed odd - if this were the case. Ben didn't care if they had spent every waking day together, it wasn't important. If anything, his refusal to acknowledge her only served to provoke her even more. ( Either way, she was not going to cave to Ben's tyranny. ) Body aching, her brain felt as if it were going to pound out of her skull. Never the less_, She was resolved_. **

**Jack appeared stressed, eyeing Ben with disgust. "What the hell are you doing? Are you some kind of animal?! " **

**She didn't see Ben hovering over her as some wild animal cornering its prey. " This is between me and my daughter … Jack. " **

**Jack knelt, resting a compassionate gaze on her. One hand resting on the glass, he pleaded gently. " Look, just do what he wants. Just do it. Sarah … right? " **

**She closed her eyes, unable to answer. She nearly cried, taking a portion of comfort in that he had at least called her by her real name. _This was enough._ Enough for her to have faith, resting in the sound of him believing her.**

**He gradually turned his head side to side in a gesture of disbelief. His voice rose with him, neck extending in a furious explosion. "Who the hell does this to his own daughter?! Huh? If you wanna punish me … then punish me! " **

"**You don't need her to do it! " **

**Ben ignored him, barely changing his expression when he nodded a repulsive concession. "Fine. If this is the way you want it. " **

**She sensed him bending over. Jacks protests faded into the bright light of pain. She shuddered uncontrollably, writhing within the jolt of electricity coursing through her body. **

"_**Hi Sarah. " The boy spoke to her. She gazed into his eyes - such strength hidden behind doubt. She sat up straight. "What's wrong? " **_

_**He shrugged. "I want you to come home. " **_

_**She paused, catching her breath, and then distraughtly answered. "Home? I … I don't know how. I'm lost. " **_

"_**And ... who isn't ?. " The white haired man stood by the door. She was almost glad to see him there, donned in the same old suite. He held his hand out. "Come on Sarah, Fate's calling. " **_

_**The boy slid his hand in hers. She rose, allowing him to lead her to the door. Together, the three of them turned and left the room - the man on one side of her, and the boy on the other. **_

"_**Do I know you? " She said. He nodded. "You can call me Tom. " **_

_**They stepped into the airport. Yes, she rememered it. Tom pulled her to the side as a frantic Hurley barreled through, dragging a cart behind him, piled with luggage. A man with a grey suite and red tie paused behind him, watching him go, and then he also passed on by. **_

" _**Hugo's running kinda late. " Tom chuckled. She turned to look behind at the statue perched just outside the front door. When she turned back, she viewed Sun standing alone, setting a wistful eye towards the outside window towards man who waited patiently on the curb, next to a car with the passenger side door open. She turned at the sound of her name. Jin, holding a white flower, was calling her from the check in line. She joined him, attempting to hide her reluctance under a weak smile, nearly crying when she brought the flower to her nose.**_

_**Sarah watched her with empathy. "She looks so sad. " **_

_**Tom nodded. "People with secrets often are. And people with secrets will do anything to keep them " **_

_**She didn't ask, but wondered what he meant. Sun was so gentle and kind, what would she know about secrets?**_

_**Tom pointed to a television monitor above Suns head. It revealed a reporter standing next to Hurley, with the caption reading "lottery winner. " Sun glanced up momentarily before following the lead of her husband. **_

_**Jack's voice turned her head. He was causing a commotion by the ticket booth. He leaned forward, dauntingly, with a raised voice. He was wearing the suite that he would be wearing at his father's funeral, because he was bringing his father home to bury him. And why? Because he needed it to be done. **_

_**Sarah flicked baffled eyes over Tom. He returned her gaze straightforwardly until she could no longer hold her thoughts. "Why is Jack in such a hurry to bury you? " **_

_**He drew his finger to his lips and she shook her head. He nodded to a dark haired woman who watched Jack with a convicted expression. The woman was Ana Lucia, the same whom Michael killed in the hatch, along with Libby. She was more attractive than Sarah had once thought. Ana left her place nervously, entering the airport bar. She sat herself beside the bar and was joined by a white haired man. Tom. **_

_**Sarah turned to him. "Ana knew Jacks father? I mean you? I mean … Oh God, what's happening? "**_

_**He smiled. "It all comes back around, Sarah. "**_

_**They strolled further into the airport terminal where she saw a figure in the distance. She knew the dark curls and olive skin; her heart rose to life as she called his name. "Sayid! " **_

_**Tom took her by the wrist. "He doesn't see you. Just watch ... You're here to watch. " **_

_**Sayid strolled over to a bench, muttering something to the young blond-haired woman seated there, and then left his luggage with her. He passed a smooth faced young man, with stunning blue eyes. Calling her name,  
( Shannon ) the young man proceeded arguing with her. Shannon, jerked around yelling something to security who then moved in surrounding Sayid in the middle of the airport. **_

" _**Sayid! " Sarah screamed when they handcuffed him. " Sayid! " **_

_**Shannon called the young man ( Boone ) as they sauntered within inches of Sarah and Tom. Shannon's nose lifted in the air in a rather snotty manner. This could not possibly be the same Shannon whom Sayid had loved. **_

" _**It's funny how things work out. " Tom chuckled. " If it weren't for fuzzyheaded blondie over there, Jack would have never gotten married. Ah, but you can't change the past anymore than you can change the future … Now can you? " **_

_**Sarah stared blankly … Was that a question? **_

_**They passed Eko and Libby arguing with a young girl. Claire stood nearby holding her belly while Charlie fiddled with the ring on his hand sitting on top of the back of one of the chairs. He slid a hand into his pocket and pulled a small baggie halfway out of it, glancing around as if to see if he were being watched. **_

_**Tom smirked. "And some people's secrets are as plain as the nose on their faces. But what can be said … You can't change fate … right? " **_

_**She glanced up to in time to see Hurley driving a cart by a row of girls dressed in uniforms. Her mind reeled when she read the numbers. Four, eight, fifteen, sixteen, twenty-three, forty-two. The numbers from the computer in the hatch. Tom chuckled. "Nope … you can't escape fate anymore than John Locke can get out of that wheelchair. " **_

_**She did a double take with her head. "Wha …? "**_

_**She turned and saw Locke sitting in a wheelchair near the entrance gate, among other seemingly crippled passengers. The sight of him had a very profound effect on her. She took a couple of steps towards him, staring as if … as if … emotion welled within her. " Locke ? " **_

_**A dark-skinned woman walked passed. There was a small clattering sound when a bottle slipped from her hand or purse - Sarah wasn't certain. Locke reached for it and then slipped it into her hand while she appreciatively thanked him. Sarah was able to see that the woman was Rose when she turned to the side and spoke to Locke. She sighed confused by everything Tom was showing her, confused by Tom himself. But obviously he wasn't done with her yet.**_

"_**Take James over there, " Tom nudged. " He thought he'd ease his problems with revenge and ended up becoming his own worst enemy. " **_

_**Sawyer was pacing in front of the gate with a stern look on his face. His hair slicked back. Was it a coincedence that Tom had called him James ? **_

"_**What are you talking about? " She said. "Revenge? " **_

_**He smiled, waving a finger. "Ah, but you can't know everything. Now have a look over there. " **_

_**Kate was being led to the gate buy a tall man, her hands covered by a towel, but Sarah caught the glimmer of handcuffs underneath. Kate was a prisoner. **_

" _**Dumb question ... Why is Kate in handcuffs? " She asked. **_

_**He shrugged. "Because all cowboys have daddy issues. " **_

_**She shook her head in confusion. "What? " **_

_**But he laughed again. "We're not finished yet, but maybe you're hungry. " **_

_**Food was the last thing on her mind; she followed him, nonetheless, glancing back a few times. The boy was gone, and had been since they stepped into the airport. She asked Chris about him and received no response. Instead, he led her to another door. He opened it and led her through it. Before them was a room full of tables covered with standard table clothes. She looked beyond the counter and saw a glimpse of something … Someone. Curly hair pulled back in a rubber band. He was talking to another man behind the counter in a fast tone with strange words. Her eyes traced the outline of his face. She longed to run to him. To tell him she was sorry for arguing with him. Strange music played overhead. She was not familiar with it. She glanced up towards the counter … Sayid was gone. Chris nudged her towards a table. "Have you tasted Middle Eastern food? Even better, have you had Middle Eastern food in Paris? " **_

"_**There's not much up where I'm from. I look for it when I travel, though. Hummus with a bit of pita, Baba Ganoosh, Falafel with Tahiti sauce … very tasty. " **_

_**She said nothing, sliding into a chair, Tom opposite of her. How could they have left the airport and stepped into a Middle Eastern Café? In Paris? Actually she didn't really know what either of those were ... but still ... that is what she wanted to know. **_

"_**You're thinking too much. " He mused. "You were always a thinker, from before you were out of diapers. Couldn't take two steps without mulling it over first. **_

" _**Diapers? What the hell did he know about her being in diapers? Who was this man? Jacks father. Tom … Whatever. **_

" _**What's wrong? " Tom said. " Don't you like hummus? " **_

_**She flicked a fiery gaze at him, her face flushing red-hot. " What do you want? Why are you showing me these things? " **_

_**He drug the handkerchief from his lap and stood up, pulling her from her seat. She stood at first with feet planted on the floor. He shook his head, and made his way towards the door. It wasn't fair … he already knew she would follow him. She had crossed the room, readying herself for what might lie behind the next door, when something stopped her. A deep sob with a heartbreaking admission. "Yes, I remember you! Your face has haunted me every day since I left Iraq. " **_

_**The voice sent her reeling around, catching a glimpse of Sayid chained to the floor, crying nearly as much as she ever had , before a pristine, but quiet woman who was smoothing down the fur of a grey and white cat that lay docile in her lap. The woman listened teary-eyed while he choked. "I am sorry for what I did to you. " **_

_**He managed those last words before he crumbled into a drawn up pile. The heavy chains that bound him hit the wooden floor with such a sound. Such a distressingly tragic thump. Sarah was visibly upset, but Tom didn't pause for the slightest consideration while he placed a firm palm on the door and pushed it forward, and then tugged her through it. More doors. Always doors. What would this one reveal? **_

_**A small white room, not too unlike the one she had spent half of her life living in. A shiver went through her when she saw the plastic bag on top of a metal slab. Jack stood solemnly before it, bearing a face wrenched with emotion. The man in the white coat on the other side of the table reached over the bag, and took the zipper between his fingers, slowly pulling it down and opening the zippered closure. The cold and dampness was overpowering. She clamped her hand over her mouth and shook her head. Jacks face flushed in red blotches, eyes brimming over with hot tears. He nodded "Yea, that's him. " **_

_**They were standing over the body of a white haired man wearing a business suite. She flipped around to Tom, "Why? Tell me why? " **_

"_**You should see it by now. " He said plainly. "They are all broken, Sarah. All of them are lost. Every single one of them. " **_

_**Her eyes flicked over his face with confusion and a hint of anger as she turned her head and saw Jack standing there over his father with a face full of regret. "That's it? THAT'S your big epiphany? You drug me through all of this to tell me we are all LOST? I THINK I might have already figured that one out ! " **_

_**She looked over the table and blinked. Was the room expanding? Indeed, it was before her very eyes. An erratic beeping sound turned her head towards a monitor. The man in front of her dressed in medical scrubs - Dharma scrubs - wore a medical mask. His eyes peered out from behind it; brown eyes so light and clear that they looked like two amber stones. The blipping noise from the monitor was nearly hypnotizing, as her eyes trailed off to the man on the table. He was lying face down with his back exposed. A chill settled into her body when she recognized the figure before her. "D … Daddy? " **_

_**Chris cocked his head … "I thought his name was Ben. " **_

_**She folded her arms and shifted her weight to one leg, stammering. "Well, it … Well … It is. I mean I … " **_

_**She wandered towards the front of the table, and neared Bens face. " You don't understand. You don't know. It was fake. All of it. This dream, hallucination .. whatever it is ...is more real than THAT ever was! " **_

_**Tom approached her as he spoke. " This is the nature of man, Sarah. Even the worst. Just a bunch of lost saps stumbling around in the dark, making mistake after mistake and never being able to fix what's broken … Even him. You said you were lost ... who isn't ?" **_

_**She felt a light touch on her hand and looked at the boy with sad brown eyes. She flicked gazes back and forth between the three of them. Jack standing over Ben with cutting instruments in his hand, Tom, and then the boy. She just wanted to taste the air outside and feel the cool grass under her feet, the wind on her face. Her yearning was simple and plain - why was this so complicated? **_

_**The boy tugged on her shirt and looked at her as she stood conflictedly. **_

"_**Sarah … When are you coming home? "**_


	28. I Made It Myself !

_**Chapter 28 - I made it Myself ! **_

She couldn't be certain how long she had drifted in and out, though she had found comfort in Jack's voice. He had remained near, calling her often with his face lowered to catch sight of her eyes.

She'd responded, _or at least she had made the attempt_. He seemed satisfied with a grunt at the least and a twitch of a finger or a foot. It was all she could manage at the time.

There were moments when she heard more than Jacks voice only, but also a female voice. One she had come to detect almost as easily as Bens. Juliet and Jack had spoken while Sarah was curled up against the corner of the glass - sore and helpless - trying to will herself through the murky haze of her mind.

She lay torpid, eyes closed, with the images running fresh in her head. _The boy, Tom, the airport … Her father_ … Was it a dream? … A memory? She didn't know. Yet, it had never been strange for her to easily see things other people did not.

She ached, head raging incessantly and heard Jack in another round of defense, as if he were hundreds of miles above her. "Just stop. You know she can't take another one of those. Is this what you want? _You kill each other too?_ Is that how it works? "

She didn't need to see Ben's face to know that he was mulling over his reply … crafting it in tedious detail before speaking. She knew it too intimately. It's how he was able to keep her under his thumb for so long.

She did not need to look to know his eyes were on her. She had felt the weight of them so many times before. This time - though barely even _half _conscious - should not be any different. And yet, this time … it was.

Ben was ignoring Jacks plea in disturbing silence. She hardly breathed waiting for the newest round of torture. He would demand her to hurt Jack, she would refuse and he would taser her into the blinding pain.

Ben sucked in a sharp gasp as though the suggestion were an insult and replied indignantly.

"We're not killers, Jack. "

There was a short uncomfortable pause, and then she heard soft footsteps moving away from her, and the door closing shut. Ben was gone. The air leaked out of her pursed lips in one tiny stream - like a hole in a deflating balloon.

She opened her eyes and found herself gazing at Jack's sneakers. She traced the edge of his faded jeans, to the tattooed number five on his bicep, and then his face. He turned towards the door watching Ben leave.

He placed a frustrated hand around his neck, and lowered his head, blowing out air. His eyes met hers, and he smiled weakly, lowering himself down next to the wall in front her. "I guess I don't need to ask. "

"No. " She answered shakily.

Dragging her sore and throbbing body up, she leaned her back against the wall, turning her head towards him. Her eyes trailed off following along the wall, until she had spotted the camera. She knew it would be there. _He was watching them_. After so much time trying to convince her that Jack did not even exist, he left her in the room alone with him. _What did he want_?

Ben never did or said anything without a reason. _Without an agenda_. She had learned this years ago, when she first began to realize that he was not the wonderful doting father that she loved as a little girl. Whom she looked up to and ran to when she was afraid. No ... _he was something a little more sinister_.

She met Jack's gaze with certainty. "There's always a reason, Jack. "

Then she stared back into the camera above, glaring at it. Knowing he was listening to her. Watching her … she had to be careful. "They always _want_ something. Or want you to _do_ something. "

Her eyes dropped to the floor, whispering quietly. " It never stops. "

She carefully formed her words, attempting to warn him, knowing one slip of the tongue would have Ben dragging her out like a rag doll, marching her back to her glorified prison. There she would sit alone, pining after Sayid, while her thoughts brimmed with the desire to help Jack and the others - _if they were alive_.

Her voice trailed off, with her heart. He was looking at her with empty eyes, ones that didn't recognize her. She leaned her head against the wall and sighed.

"Jack, do you really not know me? "

Raised eyebrows deeply creasing his forehead, his response broke her heart.

"I know you're his daughter. "

She sighed again, heavier this time. _His daughter_. This was all wrong. She eyed the camera with apprehension, knowing Ben was somewhere up there, watching and listening to every word.

Jacks eyes were red-rimmed, and he _did _look tired. And ..._They did have ways_. Ways to make you forget or to do what they wanted - _if they wanted_.

Such as the chair. _She knew it well_. She was blindfolded, and then led out into the jungle, until they reached the dark room. She was strapped to a single chair mounted before a screen flashing a mere blur of images. She knew the sharp prick of the needle, attached to the tubing that led to the IV bag hanging on the rack next to her. The goggles were placed tightly over her eyes and she always feared they would pull the skin away from her bones. Hours, perhaps days even, would be lost to the chaotic music and video flashing before her eyes. It was repeated multiple times - but she undoubtedly would always find her way back to herself. Remember what they did to her. _Perhaps that was due to being so special_.

"God_ loves you as he loved Jacob_. " She whispered under her breath.

Jack cocked his head. "I'm sorry? "

She turned her head, sadly gazing into his eyes. Eyes that looked back at her as a stranger. She would take the aloof Jack over this one. She blinked, wondering what had become of Sawyer, Kate and Hurley. Hating Michael for betraying his friends.

" Jack, " She whispered. " They lie. They always lie. They will never tell the truth … no matter how believable it is. No matter how real it seems … none of it is true. "

Her eyes rolled up to the ceiling as she clasped her hands together. She found herself wishing that she had not been so stubborn. Regretfully recalling when she followed Sun to the boat. What if she had, instead, run along the dock onto the beach and into Sayid's arms? _The last they spoke to one another were words of anger.  
_  
Jack stared, and she returned his gaze with remorse, her voice trembled.

"Jack … we found the place … the place Michael told you about. But no one was there - it was abandoned. A decoy. They _wanted_ Sayid to find it, they knew he'd follow, that's why Michael told you about it. But I don't know how they knew about the boat. We sailed as far as the dock. I saw the footprints … "

She thought of the bare foot prints and remembered seeing little places in the dust that looked like they had been rubbed away. Had they brought them there? To the dock and then led them here in the Hydra?

She spoke her theory aloud. "... that's where they took you isn't it? "

Jack stared in rigid silence, jaw working beneath the skin. She had seen that look before, in a less intensified manner, but she recognized it nonetheless. His eyes narrowed, clenching his hands but remained unresponsive.

She continued, eyes glimmering, unconcerned with managing Jack's anger. She was lost in a roll of emotion and aware of the fact that she had shortened her time by revealing even as little as she had. "I … Jack … Jack, I screamed for Sayid and Jin, when the others boarded the boat … Sun and I … It happened so fast! I saw Sun on the other end, I saw the gunfire and she went overboard … into the water. "

Face flushing hues of red, she choked on her words. " I don't think she's alive. I don't know what happened to Sayid and Jin. "

Jack hadn't muttered a single sound. He sat in front of her, grinding his teeth, eyes filling with emotion … nostrils flaring. His expression frightened her.

She closed her eyes and breathed, did he remember any of this? Or had they simply just taken all of his memories away?

She opened her mouth timidly, and released another flurry of tears. "Jack, I'm so sorry. I should have told you the night you found Ana and Libby in the hatch. I should have told you then … I … I was afraid … "

Jack shook his head and laughed uncomfortably, then harshly leapt to his feet.

" You _are _joking right?! " He snorted " This is just all part of the game. "

"You wanna play games _Laren_ ? "

He stepped up close to the glass, towering over her and belted.

"_THEN GO PLAY GAMES!!_ "

Jaw dropped, she pulled herself up, pressing her palms against the glass watching him march into the corner. He lowered himself down and slouched there like some large, sad, stuffed animal, ragged and dirty. Her face twitched painfully as she fought back tears.

She could not bring herself to speculate what they may have done to him. She eyed the camera and found herself filling with indignation. She swiped a clammy palm over her face.

"My God, Jack… " She stammered. " What did they do? What did they _do_ to you? "

It was then that the sound of the bar, which locked the door of Jacks room, sliding open jolted her. She jerked her head around to catch sight of Juliet entering in through the open door, with a tray in her hands. She offered Jack a bowl of soup, asking him if he felt better.

"I made it myself, " She beamed sweetly, "… But I won't be offended if you don't like it. "

Jack murmured something under his breath and Juliet glanced Sarah's way.

"Oh…. Sorry … I didn't realize you were up. Well, Jack has offered you his soup. "

And I'm sure you must be hungry by now. " She added politely.

Sarah looked at her disdainfully, attempting to hide her vulnerability. " No … but thank you. "

A satisfied smirk spread across Juliets face, as she shot a glance to Jack, to the camera, and then back to Sarah. " Ah, stubbornness … it must run in the family. "

She coyly rested her eyes into the camera lens, and then curtly turned, smacking the metal door with her fist. The door opened and she was gone.

Sarah's heart sank. Jack remained slumped over - barely even breathing. The fight in his eyes had seeped out of him, replaced by an emotionless stare, his body limp from apathy. She looked on him with regret and shook her head.

The red light, flashing from the camera above, blinked over her remiscently of a nagging insect buzzing around her head. Irritated she looked up at the camera lens. She sighed.

"What do you want me to do?! " She cried, knowing that somewhere on the other end of that camera, Ben was watching her. "I'll go back in the chair. I will … "

He voice broke with a long sob. " Daddy? "

She turned to Jack who hadn't reacted. "They'll take everything they can from you Jack. Your life … everything and anything. Don't trust them. Any of them. Not even the one who says he's my father. "

The door swung open and Ben barged into the room, calling to her. She was unresponsive, desperately pleading with Jack. "It's a lie! All of this is a lie! _This place is a Joke!_ Don't let them break you! Don't let them take away your will …"

Ben strode across the floor, wrenching her elbow. "That's enough Laren. It's time for you to leave. "

"Now let's go. "

She ignored him, focusing on Jack. "… Because if you do, you'll wind up being one of them. And you don't wanna be one of them. Oh God, you don't wanna be one of them! "

Ben yanked her across the room and through the doorway. She yelled through the closing gap. "Don't trust them Jack! Don't trust anything they say! "

Ben's grasp on her tightened while he continued dragging her forcefully through the dim corridor, causing her to stumble over her own feet. He was in front of her breathing hard, face turning red.

Her eyebrows turned downward as she whined. "You're hurting me! "

He planted his feet down so quickly that she ran into him, nearly knocking the breath out of her. He flipped around, eyes glaring angrily; he backed her against the wall and snapped in a fit of anger. "And if that's the worst that happens, then you should consider yourself lucky. But you won't … because you haven't an _inkling_ as to how much worse this could be for you ! "

That familiar tremble rumbled through her as he carried on with what seemed to be one long spurt of rage. "One would think you would be _grateful_, yet, you're defiant and willful. _Selfish_! You have _no_ idea what I've done for you. The lengths I've gone to protect you ! You have _no_ regard for the sacrifices _I've_ made. It's all about _you_ …. But now … _that_ just may be over, and you _may_ not have anyone at all! "

" Not even a _shepherd_ to save you from the wolves. "

He held here there for a few minutes, pressed against the wall, glaring down at her. He had successfully made her feel small - as he always did.

The moment was cut short by the call of his name. Danny looked worried and frantic. "Ben, you're gonna send her out there alone? I wanna go. I wanna be on the team. "

Ben jerked his head around. " Not now Danny. "

She saw Danny's eyes flick onto her face and then an expression of surprise overtook him. " What the hell? "

"Go in the observatory and I'll be there in a minute. " Ben said.

Danny responded, though seemingly distracted by Sarah's presence. "I'm goin with Colleen on the sub. The Iraqi's not like the rest of 'em. He knows his way around guns. He killed people for a living. If you wanna get that boat from him… then _I'm_ goin. "

Ben yanked himself around and glared at him, but his words were calm and as smooth as silk. " Daniel, I told you to meet me in the observatory … now I expect you to go there … now. "

Danny, shot another glance at Sarah, his face pasty white, then nodded. " Fine, but if Colleen comes back hurt … Or dead … Her blood'll be on your hands. "

Ben leaned forward. He was not a tall man, by any means of the word, but he, even in his short stature could tower over a tall man as if he were larger than he. Ben towered over Danny, locking eyes with him.

"Why Daniel, that _almost _sounds like a threat. But you wouldn't threaten me … _would you_? "

Danny stepped back. " I'm statin' facts is all. "

Taking one long stare at Sarah, he turned and stomped off in a huff, leaving the two of them watching him. Ben refocused his attention. "Now … let's get you back to your room. "

She surrendered to his leading, all the way through the corridor, while her head swam in thought. She pondered Danny's words. Had she heard him right? He said they were going after Sayid in a submarine. Had Sayid managed to retrieve the sailboat and set out in search of rescue? This had her mind reeling. But it stopped quick on one wonderful, joyful revelation.

_Sayid was alive. _

They reached her room. Ben pulled the door open, and then waited as if preparing for another round of resistance. She only stared. She flicked her eyes across the simple white bed, and the table across from it. No windows to stare through. She much preferred Jack unresponsive company than to sit there alone.

She flinched when he touched her hair. "I'm sorry … but there's no time for all of this now. Are you going to make this difficult - as usual? "

He raised an eyebrow, while tucking his bottom lip under. " Or are you gonna cut me some slack? "

She stepped inside, with her back to him while he quietly closed the door. She stared at the middle of the floor thinking of the man made of clay, whom she named the Dark Knight. Then remembered Sayid's face when he held the piece of paper up to the rocks where the statue of the four - toed man stood.

She could not think of why that was rolling in her head, except for that she was staring at the floor. That blue floor that was now bringing back more memories. Memories of standing on the deck, his hands in her hair. The smell of his skin.

She closed her eyes in relief. _He was alive_.

She ignored the first quiet knock thinking it was just someone passing through the corridor, or something swimming in the ocean above.

Then she thought she had heard a voice. She had to listen with more concentration, but it was a soft voice and it was calling her name.

"Sarah? "

She turned to the door. A weak smile formed over her face as the petite, but lanky figure stepped into view from the doorway. Such a pretty little girl had grown into a beautiful young woman with dark hair, tied in a ponytail, falling into full wavy curls down her back. It was a welcome to see her large bright eyes gazing back at her.

She looked at Sarah with a sadness that broke her heart. Though she knew that the sadness was for herself, it pained her to see it in her eyes. _This wasn't what she wanted._ She took a step forwards and spoke again, managing a tearful smile.

"Sarah. "

A tear fell down Sarah's cheek as she met her in the middle and whispered.

"Alex. "****************


	29. Tears of Reunion

**Chapter 29 - Tears of Reunion**

It seemed years ago, the last time Alex stood there looking back at her. Passing her eyes over her beloved sister, she could not have imagined the massive void her amnesia had left by keeping the memories of Alex from her.  
Face twitching with emotion, Alex nodded answering the obvious question

"Alex? "

They each stepped forward until they were close enough to throw their arms around each other and cry tears of reunion. This was her little sister. It was mere details that they didn't share the same father or mother, they were sisters regardless._ And Sarah had missed her tremendously_.

Alex's eyes soon took a more serious, unnerved expression after pulling back, making Sarah acutely uncomfortable. It hinted the same expression that draped over Tom (the guy Ben had tasered) and Danny (often known as Pickett.)All three gawped as if Sarah were an apparition. This threw her. First Tom, then Danny, and now Alex all looked at her with such oddness.

Drawing her face in bafflement, she questioned her sister. "What is it Alex? Why does everyone look at me like that? "

She shrugged, shaking her head inquisitively. "I don't get it. "

Alex appeared to avoid her prodding, taking on a decisive look, and grabbing Sarah's hand. "Look, no ones watching right now. Dad's in a meeting and everyone else is out getting together the group to go on the sub. "

Sarah paused, gazing at Alex and pondering. They had done this before_, under different circumstances_ - Sarah barely knew where she was the first time. This time although she might not know the exact location in comparison to like say, the crash site or the beach, she was very much aware. She cocked her head in concern and responded.

"Okay, but what if he comes back? "

Alex shifted her eyes and responded. "Well, he still won't see anything - in here that is. Nothing to make him think anything's wrong. "

Sarah popped her head backwards slightly while frowning. "What'd you do? Rig the camera? "

Alex lifted her eyebrows and Sarah shook her head. "And when did you learn how to do that? "

"Don't worry about it. "

She let Alex drag her into the corridor thinking of the little girl who once stood in her place. Pony tails and giggles. Maybe Ben did have a weakness; otherwise, wouldn't he have anticipated their comradeship? Or perhaps he overlooked the independent streak common between both of them. Sarah looked at Alex and sighed with a near motherly question.

"Alex, have you been alright? "

Alex glanced back, the corners of her mouth turned up. "Yea. Yea, I'm fine. "

She said so with her words, her tone betrayed her. Things were not going well at all. Sarah was disheartened with the unspoken, feeling a prickle of guilt. _Could she really leave her behind a second time?  
_

They crept along like two mice scurrying hurriedly, bouncing into crevices at the slightest noise. There was a wall with a large door at the end of the passageway. It was reminiscent of the hatch door in the Swan hatch. Sarah's eyes wandered to the left wall, and noticed another smaller door. "Is that where …? "

Alex nodded. "Yeah, that's where he watches "

Sarah shivered; reminded of the day she had stumbled into the Pearl and found all those cameras. She had even called Jude a pervert for spying. Could she say less for Ben? She supposed the more accurate question would be how much _more_ for Ben?

A rusty ladder scaled the wall behind the large door at the end of the passageway. Sarah paused, staring up to the top. Alex turned and prodded her in quiet tones. "Come on. This'll take us up top … remember? "

Alex pressed her further. " Are you coming … Or what? "

Sarah hesitated. Her body aching with a residual soreness hours after the taser adventures, she stared up, trying to process what had happened there in the hatch, under the ocean. The time Ben spent trying to convince her that none of these people whom she had come to care for ( Or at the least, her time spent with them ) were even real was wasted when he had inadvertently defeated his own purpose -whatever that was - letting her see and talk with Jack. She knew then that Jack had, in fact, traveled across the island with his group and Danny confirmed that Sayid had followed by sailboat.

She murmured out loud while thinking. "… There's a boat. I heard him say that there's a boat. I mean, Danny said there was an Iraqi with a boat. "

Alex frowned, releasing a long frustrated sigh and nodded. " Jack's friends. Looks like they went by boat, while Jack went by foot. Ryan saw them docking at the Pala Ferry Landing and start a fire - Sayid and the two Koreans. That's why they're taking the sub, to sneak over there and take the boat. So they won't find this island. "

Alex grabbed her shoulders. " Are you alright? "

Sarah nearly reeled backwards, overwhelmed by a feeling much like a blow to the stomach, while the room began a slow spin. She straightened herself, studying her sister with suspicion. Alex had always been the one in whom she knew she could trust when there was no one else. Surely, she wouldn't turn that easily - unless Ben had found something worth holding over her head. After all, who did he think helped her the first time she escaped?

"_Hurry, you've got to hurry. " Alex urged as they ran through the tunnel and began their ascent up the ladder into the daylight. When they reached the top, Sarah could walk no more. She turned her face to the sky and the sun warmed from her cheeks and nose, to her eyelashes. She drew in a long breath of fresh, coconut-scented air and dissolved in the sheer joy of it._

_Alex lay a gentle touch on her shoulder. Sarah turned and wrapped her arms around her. They stood in the sunlight and cried together. She would abandon Alex, leaving her there alone, among them, while she ran free to find the life she yearned for. Sarah pulled away from her and locked eyes with her._

_"Alex … will you be okay? "_

_She nodded and smiled under a tear-streaked face. "Yeah. But you won't be if you don't go. "_

Sarah stared up the ladder and felt a twinge of déjà vu. A slow scowl shadowed her as Sarah glared. "Alex, where are you taking me? Where are we going? "

Alex scanned her face, but Sarah ignored her as she demanded. " Alex, tell me. Tell me what's going on? Are they making you do this? Is this some kind of game? Tell me! "

It wasn't until she heard the distress in Alex's voice that she realized she had grabbed her shoulders and was digging into her skin with her fingers, nearly shaking her into the wall.

" Sarah, " Alex stammered. " I'm trying to help you! "

She loosened her grip, pained by the meekness in Alex's face, a simple honesty that she couldn't deny. She heard it in her voice and it filled her with such a rush of emotion, she felt lightheaded. She backed away, brows turned downward, gaping at her little sister. Her eyes flicked over Alex in disbelief. Alex was always the one she could count on the speak truthfully - there was no arguing that point. Alex didn't have the art of lying within her, not even dormantly.

"I … I'm sorry Alex. " She whimpered. "I'm so sorry. "

She turned, her hands pointlessly sliding over her face. She took slow circular steps, thoughts washing over her like angry white crested waves crashing onto the rocks and recounted.

"I … I was in Australia. "

"Yeah. " Alex confirmed. "You were. "

"And I was on the plane. And the plane Crashed. "

Alex sighed. " Yes. "

She flipped around. " But when they found me out there. Ben and the others. You mean, I've been here since then? The _entire _time? "

Alex studied her. " Sarah, you were hurt. It was more than two months ago. They brought you back here. Everyone thought you were dead … _for two months!_ No one knew except for Dad and Juliet. Not even Isabel. She still doesn't know because Dad's threatened everyone who knows so far. But everyone will soon and when they do … "

Sarah cocked her head waiting, but Alex let the thought hang as she insisted.

"Look, you've just got to get out of here. "

Sarah's head turned back to the passageways, nodding. Her thoughts raced, was she falling? It felt like she was falling. How could a dream be so vivid that you could mistake it for reality? She ate with them, slept with them. She laughed and cried among them. _But she was never there_? She just could not wrap her mind around it … Yet, as quickly as her head reeled, it became sharply straight when she realized the present dilemma.

If this were all true, somehow, then somewhere out there, Sayid and Jin would be setting up an ambush not knowing that the others were privy to it and had an ambush planned of their own. One that would take a deadly turn. She thought of Jack, Kate and Sawyer. Would this mean she would be abandoning them as well? She was torn. What if Alex was compromised and this was all a part of some big scheme to test her or use her for some purpose? Would she be endangering someone else by her decisions, by her actions?

She pumped Alex for more details. "Have you seen anyone else? From Jacks group? There were two men, and a woman. Have you seen them? "

Alex tapped a foot on the floor, while resting her weight on one hip. She was clearly agitated now, but Sarah ignored her, determined to get answers. Alex rolled her eyes and sighed. "They're outside, in the bear cages. They've been workin; movin rocks … stuff like that. They're a little roughed up, but they're fine for now. Though I don't know what's gonna happen if Sawyer keeps pushin their buttons. "

Sarah's mouth formed a "wha …" but the word didn't make it out as Alex continued.

"And they have plans for Jack. They're not gonna hurt him. Oh, and the big guy - Hurley - they sent him back to the beach to warn the rest of them not to come back. "

Sarah wrenched her head between the ladder and then through the opposite end of the corridor, her face stiffened with a determined resolve…she was going to find a way on that sub. She flashed a glance to Alex. "I can't go up that way. "

"Alex, I've got to get on that sub. And either you're gonna help me, or I'm gonna find a way on my own. But either way... I am gonna get on that sub!

Alex knew that once she made her mind up; there wasn't any talking Sarah out of much of anything. If there were, Alex could never do it. She blew out air from her bottom lip, shook her head and then made her way down through the corridor with Sarah slinking behind her.

"You know, " Alex said. " It really would have been easier to go up top. I could've shown you which way to go and you could a gotten there ahead of them maybe even. _I have a boat_. "

Quietly, they slid past doors and around corners, watching for shadows and listening for voices or footsteps. It seemed the hatch was unusually inactive. Yet, Alex warned her that they would need to be quick if they didn't want to be caught.

Sarah answered under her breath. "You're not gonna understand this Alex, but Sun, one of the people with Sayid, is gonna be on that boat. Inside of it … and she's gonna get hurt. She's gonna get shot. "

"If I can get on that sub, and if I can get on the boat, then maybe I can warn her or stop her before it happens. I dunno. It's the best I've got right now. I can't risk going on a boat alone out there and getting lost or not getting there when I need to. "

Alex turned her head with the tiniest smile. " Well, I believed you about the boy, and about the whispers. Didn't I? Look, you know stuff. I don't know how, but I stopped asking already. "

The round metal door that led to the submarine was unguarded. No one was standing outside of it, and no one was around it. Alex suggested she, alone, should investigate first to see if anyone were inside.

She approached it cautiously, sliding her hand around the circular handle and turning it clockwise until there was a click. She pulled on it and the door opened without much effort. She disappeared.

Sarah held her breath, listening to the sound of her own heart thumping - eyes glued to the door. She couldn't be caught now. She closed her eyes and swallowed. She was dazed, trying to digest this expanse of new info. What Ben, Juliet and even Alex told her seemed ridiculous …but she admitted that it did explain the odd looks and the undeniable lack of recognition in Jacks eyes. If he anything, he was not without compassion and she questioned how long he could have stood there watching Ben torture her and held to his story.

Either way, this seemed to be a reasonable action since the fact that she knew was certain, true or not, was that Colleen's group was going to ambush Sayid, and Sayid was none the wiser. If all of this talk were nonsense, then she would be reunited. If it were true, then he would take her, and he might even torture her again …but she would tell him everything she knew. And she hoped to warn him, sparing him the surprise attack.

And to be utterly honest, there was next to nothing that could keep her from wanting to be near him. That, alone, was enough reason.

"Oh Sayid. " She whispered to herself. "I hope I make it there. I just hope I make it. "

Her heart leapt at the sight of Alex reappearing from the entrance. She motioned for Sarah who stood up and scampered across the floor to meet her.

" It's as I thought. " Alex said. "They haven't gotten the team together, so no ones here yet. But that won't be for long. Here, I almost forgot. "

She held out her hand to reveal a small black box. " I don't have any guns or anything, but I snagged this. _It worked the last time_. "

Sarah stared at the Taser as a flood of memories crashed into her mind. She thought of Jude's body writhing on the ground. Of the way Sayid turned it around in his hands examining it. The way he had asked her if she still had it before they made their way out to the sailboat. She smiled and took it from Alex, turning it downward to slide it into her pocket. She heard a small tap, and felt it hit something else already there. She turned her brows downwards curiously.

"What's wrong? " Alex whispered.

Sarah didn't respond, but slid her tiny fingers down into the pocket and felt something round and hard. She grasped it between her index and middle fingers, and then pulled it up and out of her pocket. Gasping, her eyes took on a sad, but hopeful expression as she held the round hard plastic in front of her face, rolling it around between her fingers.

_She smiled at Sayid, and then shoved it into her pocket. "For good luck. "_

_Threading her finger around the button hole of his shirt, she pulled him to her and he planted a long soft kiss on her mouth, laughing.  
_  
Alex turned her face up, puzzled. "What is that? "

Sarah smiled, staring at the object sentimentally, then, as she blinked back a tear, she answered softly.

"It's a button. "************


	30. Dé·jà vu

**Chapter 30 Dé·jà vu**

She remembered the last time she was on this sub. Richard had explained that they normally drugged people during the trip, but there wasn't time to do it now. Regardless, they had tried that with her only once when she was a child. Slipped her a tranquilizer in her fruit juice thinking she would be unconscious the entire way to the island, but he turned and found her staring at him curiously in the middle of the floor. She said her seatbelt hurt, and she had to use the bathroom. Then she asked him a barrage of questions about the submarine. Sarah had given him a look that said he must have been joking, and he responded without a hint of humor in his eyes. She told herself he must be joking still, and said no more.

What was that he'd told her? Richard liked to tell stories. His eyes were not unfeeling, like Ben's and his voice not so harsh … actually soft and sometimes even warm. She often had to remind herself that he was one of them … and though she could not remember from where she had heard it, but she had been told that he was one of the remaining ones. One of the older ones. Hard to believe with his well-groomed thick black hair and smooth skin. If he were one of the older ones, he certainly aged very well. She regretted tasering him.

The air took an icy turn, transforming her breath into cold prickles in her lungs. She crouched low, fighting a panic attack. Alex had led her through a narrow passageway, past two walls of cots to a small compartment with room enough for one person to curl up inside. She cocked an eyebrow as if to say, "You've got to be kidding. "

Alex shrugged. "There's nowhere else, if you want out this way. "

Sarah took a long stare back through the passageway, knowing Alex was right. She blew out air, and shook her head. "Okay. Okay I can do this. "

Their goodbye was short. Alex pulled away and lingered only to be certain Sarah was secure in the compartment, then left. Her footsteps grew fainter as she climbed the ladder and closed the door. Less than a half an hour later, Sarah sat curled up, clenching the smooth button from Sayid's shirt, until her hand was red, thinking of anything that would distract her from the four walls threatening to cave in on her.

_She could do this. _Hungry and thirsty, she remained, listening for movement and for voices, which faded in and out, as they passed. In the silence, she found herself doubting her decision. If Alex, as well as Ben and Juliet were being honest with her, then how did this button remain in her pocket? Did she pull it out of her dream?

It was all too confusing. What if she had just made a grave mistake leaving Jack, Kate and Sawyer behind? She rolled her eyes in a worried expression, and then came to a resolve. She knew, at least, that the sub was headed out in order to confront Sayid.

She was right on at least one point, regardless of whether or not the events in her mind had actually already occurred, if there was the slightest possibility that she could help by alerting them to their presence, then perhaps she would thwart their plan. Sayid could still help Jack and the others. If she had gone up top and taken Alex's boat, she might not even find her way to him. Though logic would tell her this was not a very well thought out plan, her intuition gave her the strength to believe that she was doing the right thing.

_What about the fish? _She flicked her head around. What? Now even the voice in her head scared her. The fish. When she'd fought with Jude, he had fresh fish on the table and then suddenly it was boar. She had yelled at him before stomping off in a rage. It was an odd thing to remember, but then also true. Hearing Jin and Sun speaking in Korean was another one. She was certain she could have thought of others, but was cut short by approaching voices. She drew very still, small breaths.

First Colleen. "Ryan said there were just the three of them. Sayid, Jin and Sun. This should be fairly simple given that they will probably expect us to ambush them by land. "

"Should be. We need to make it quick. Ben doesn't have much time if he's gonna convince the Doc to fix'em. " Tom answered.

Sarah's heart skipped. They were all alive - the three of them. There was a moment of silence, and she nearly thought they were gone until she heard Colleen ask in a more solemn tone. "Do we even know if the x-rays were accurate? "

"Well, " Tom responded. " I'm pretty sure that's why Ben wanted Jack, even if he wasn't on the list. Julie's not a spinal surgeon. I just wonder if the Doc will actually do it, considerin its Ben and then who's gonna pay when Jacob finds out? "

They bantered back and forth until their footsteps carried them out of earshot. _Jacob. _She had frequently heard of him, but had never seen him. She had often wondered if he even existed. _Could he be the same Jacob that God loved?_ This is from one of the many quotes buried within the video she'd been forced to watch while strapped to that chair.

Apparently, Jacob outranked Ben, if not the highest in leadership. He sent orders down, but never made any appearances - that Sarah knew of. Though, everyone feared him as a good Catholic fears God. Whatever orders he gave, everyone followed them without question or hesitation. The idea that Ben disobeyed any of these orders in any way could challenge his standing with the group. _This much Sarah did know_.

Her previous conversation cut through her mind like a blade. How Ben had so firmly pushed her into the wall, his words crushing her. "… _But now, that just might be over, and you might not have anyone at all. "_

Ben hadn't told her he was sick. Neither he, nor anyone else had indicated anything at all wrong with him. Unless this was his subtle attempt. She shivered and wondered if it were the chill in the air, or the realization that her dream of Jack hovering over Ben on an operating table might actually come to pass.

How she longed for more information, now that she had heard this shocking bit of news. Though she remained hidden in her cramped corner of the submarine listening to the creaking and groaning of the water pushing against the hull, and the sound of the sea creatures passing them by.

_Why hadn't Alex said anything?_

She jerked her head up at the sudden jolt, as if the sub had struck something solid. This was followed by scurrying footsteps and the creaking of the hatch door opening. They must have reached the Pala Ferry Landing. She waited patiently until the sub grew silent, then she slid her head into the open, scanning the area and finding no one within eyesight.

She breathed deeply, easing herself out of the cramped space, hoping the stiffness in her body would soon disappear. Glancing around, listening keenly, she slinked through the cots. She saw and heard nothing but silence and the occasional groan of the sub. She knew where she needed to exit, and she made her way there with light yet hurried footsteps.

She had made it as far as the ladder leading up to the exit at the top, when her stomach flipped inside of her, anticipating what might be on the outside. She closed her eyes, collecting her thoughts. There wasn't time to ponder or be swept up in emotion.

She stepped forward and froze, the back of her neck tingling with awareness. Someone was there with her. Her hand wandered to her pocket as she drew the taser.

"Turn around. " The stern voice was that of a young male.

Eyes lowered, she turned around noting the pasty skin and ruffled up blonde hair. He was a mere two inches taller, and very thin. He studied her in a guarded expression.

"Who the hell are you? "

She glanced up, and then responded. "You don't know me? I'm Ben's daughter. "

A scowl shadowed his face as he sneered. " You're not Alex! "

His eyes fell to her waist. He was very perceptive to suspect she might be hiding something. He squinted, moving towards her. "What've you got behind your back? Lemme see. "

She didn't have much time to figure it out, so she flipped the taser switch as high as it could go. She didn't know how powerful the jolt would be ... but she didn't care. She waited for him to lunge, judging the right second to reveal it, knowing that if she drew it out too soon, he would easily get it away from her and she would be the one to hit the floor. She surprised him by lunging back, swinging her arms around and then tapping him. He reeled backwards, crumbling to his knees and then flopping around on his back like a fish.

She didn't stay to watch. Instead, she flipped herself around to the ladder, grasping the cold metal railing and began her descent upwards. The door above was open, and when she reached it, she turned her face up, breathing the fresh night air and wondering at the starlit sky. Somewhere out there, Sayid was under those same stars. This strengthened her in spite of the queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Nearing the top, she heard rustling noises and very faint whispers. She lift her head high enough over the edge to see that the sub was fairly even with the boat. They had simply just eased up beside it leaving only a small step up to board it.

Well, the mystery was solved. She knew now why she hadn't seen anyone approaching from the direction of the beach. Why they were behind, instead of in front of her.

She glanced back just a moment at the yellow glow from the beach. Sayid and Jin were hidden beyond the fire, waiting for the others to come. She wanted to run to them and warn them, but if she, by some miracle, were to make it safely over the back of the sub, across the length of the landing and to the beach, without getting shot, they'd never reach Sun in time. Though she didn't savor the thought, she would have to find a way to get her out if that meant pushing Sun over board before she was shot.

The scent of burning wood singed her nose. She snuck in low, aware of the others who were already there. If she could figure out a way to board undetected, perhaps she could still help Sun. Help Sun. The thought drove her mad! She had done this before!

"Get a grip, Sarah. " She pushed herself. "You don't have time for this. "

_No, she had to get on that boat._

She scanned the deck and saw no one hanging around on her side. There were at least seven of them. She assumed the one was left in the sub to make certain it was returned to the Hydra. That meant six had boarded the sailboat. She gripped the cold rail and slinked her way up on her belly, holding her body tightly against the side, hoping the darkness would cover her.

She only needed to crawl about a half a foot or so before being able to slide herself over on the deck. She did this with ease except for one foot, which slipped and hit the bottom with a thud.

"Oh God. " She thought, shooting frightened looks back and forth. She spied Tom's figure at the front. He looked her way, but she ducked down, biting her lip in anticipation. Lying low, she paused until she was certain she didn't hear any signs of her being discovered. She knew Sun would be somewhere down in the hull. How would she get in there? And how would she convince Sun that she was there to help her?

She was making her way around when she heard a noise. It was a dull pop coming from below. She closed her eyes praying that it was only her imagination at work. That Sun was safe. She drew back when she spied a figure moving from the side. She didn't recognize the man, but he lowered himself halfway in the opening. He clasped a small handgun between his hands, aiming it down into the hull and called Suns name.

Sarah's heart began to thump loudly in her chest. She readied her muscles to leap forward and throw him off balance, hopefully giving Sun enough time to escape. Just as she began to move, another sound caught her off guard. A thumping and sliding sound off to the side.

She was also fearfully aware of the hum of the motor, and the rocking sensation of the boat being steered away from the landing. She needed to be quick, or she and Sun both would be trapped.

Among the voices yelling back and forth, she studied the place where the thumping came from and realized what was happening. There was a glass window over the hull. She could make out fingers pushing their way through the crack attempting to pry it open. Sun was trying to escape.

Sarah scampered to the window and grabbed the edge. She pulled as hard as she could and it slid open so quickly, she tumbled backwards. She jumped up and bent down, looking for Sun, who stared back at her the way a stray cat looks when it's cornered.

" Sun. " she whispered frantically. " There's no time to explain. Hurry … Hurry up and get out before it's too late. "

It must have been her expression, or her tone. Suns face relaxed as she reached her hands out, gripped the edge of the window and pulled herself through.

"Is Sayid all right? " Sarah couldn't not ask, even in the midst of the yelling and running for their lives. " Please. Is he all right? "

Sun glanced at her. Her lips pursed opened as she formulated a response, but Sarah stopped her. Tom had caught site of them, yelling, "There she is! "

Sarah knew this moment very well. She had repeated it in her mind so many times.

"There's no time. " She insisted. "Sun, jump! "

Sun froze, staring at Tom. Sarah scowled. "Sun! Sun, you've got to jump! "

She turned back and saw Tom aiming the gun and yelling. " There she is! "

The boat was already breaking from the dock. Gunfire exploded from every direction and the men cried out from the landing. Sarah stretched out her hands, shoving Sun until she went over board. She heard more gunfire. The bullet impaled against the wood that shredded on impact. She lost her balance and was airborne, plummeting down.

The cold night air whizzed past her head. Arms and legs flailing, she wondered if this was the end after all of her tragic life? After everything she had seen, been through, witnessed and struggled for, would her freedom ironically be found within the depths of a cold, dark watery grave?

She should have been terrified, yet she felt at peace. She lifted her eyes to the star sprinkled sky, barely feeling the smack of her body breaking the surface. The icy water sent prickles through her skin. It engulfed her, sucking her into itself.

She let it take her. She gave into it, sinking further down. It surrounded her, roaring inside her ears as the muffled hum of the boat drew farther away. She would have let it overtake her completely had she not thought of Jack, Kate and Sawyer who were still prisoners of her father.

Was it better for her to die a martyr or live in the face of everything that had held her captive for so long?

The cold salt water stung her eyes beyond belief when she opened them. Through the surface, far up, a radiant ball of light gleamed above her head, illuminating a shimmering path upwards from the ocean depth. She moved her arms and legs through the water towards the full moon shining so brilliantly above.

_She would make it to the surface_.

She broke through sucking in gulps of air, regretting that she had ever thought about not breathing or looking into the sky again. She lifted her head to take in the wonder of the bright moon, but found only an empty dark sky. She turned herself completely around finding the sky moonless.

She turned again towards the beach. Sun and Jin were calling to each other. Their heads bobbing in between the swelling waves. Sarah smiled to herself and nodded, relieved to see them both alive _and together_.

The flames had remained blazing far out on the beach, glowing like a beacon. The light from them extended out a little way to the landing and revealed one single figure standing there, gazing over the ocean. He called out and her heart flipped inside her. She opened her mouth forming a response when she realized he had not called to her, but to Jin and Sun.

She watched them swim to shore while Sayid made his way to meet them. Through all the questioning and confusion, she knew the truth. The hard, painful truth. She didn't exist in his world. He didn't even know she was alive, or that she was ever alive. Regardless of how much she had come to accept it, her heart wanted a miracle.

She had missed him. Not only him, but everyone from the beach. In her remorse, she treaded water just off the shore, watched Jin cover his wife's shoulders, Sayid approaching them, and shivered in the cold seawater.

At least the three of them were safe.


	31. Square One

**Chapter 31 Square One **

Sarah had kept her distance while crawling on shore, quivering under her sea-drenched clothes, and sliding under a mass of thick foliage. Her teeth rattled with a bone-deep chill. How wonderfully inviting the fire was, while glowing warmly under the wide expanse of stars. She stared mesmerized by the constant flickering as if hoping she could will it's warmth closer.

Racked with another chill, she wrapped around herself until her eyes wandered upwards, along the massive tree trunks, to their lush leafy tips and rested on seven specks of stars clustered together. The seven little she-camels twinkled gleefully as if greeting her. She couldn't help but think about that night on the boat when Sayid had comforted her with soft words. The night he'd first mentioned the funny little stars. She looked at them now with a sinking feeling in her gut. Here they were, she and Sayid both under the same sky once more, but it was the real one … and not the one she had dreamt.

She'd watched the three pf them, uncertain of her next move. Sun and Jin curled themselves around each other near the fire, while Sayid remained propped against a tree studying the ferry landing - sometimes taking a somber glance into the smoldering embers.

She was alone now. No Ben to contend with, no fear of what might be waiting for her around the corner. _What might be demanded of her_. As she huddled under her haven of greenery, her eyes flicked over the three of them. Over seventy days ago, they were soaring high above clouds without any knowledge of this place. It was just a day, like any other, until the island reached up and yanked them out of the sky.

All of those people, who were strangers, walking on separate paths were forced into comradeship. The island had taken their separate journeys and mingled them together like vines growing out of the same soil, sprouting from the same root. Twisting around each other, in and out, until inseparable, merging into one - growing, living together.

Her fate was bound within theirs. She hadn't met them … yet she knew them, she was invested in them. She cared for them. The concept took her by surprise, nearly overwhelming her. They were strangers … _but family_. No sooner had the thought crossed her mind than a dooming sense of fear swelled. They were all she had left, beyond the possibility that she might be left wandering for the rest of her life alone - as a recluse. That is if she were able to manage avoiding capture.

Her heart sank ... what if they rejected her? There was nowhere else to go.

She sighed, anxiety rampantly pounding her brain until she cleared her head, breathed, and counted. That's what he had said. _Remember to count. Remember not to let the fear overcome you. Don't let it take you and paralyze you. Don't let it defeat you. _ (And she wouldn't.)

She could not help but wonder what their lives were like before the island … the plane. Sayid's past was filled with violence. She knew little of Sun and Jin, other than that they were Koreans - who obviously spoke Korean. Sun was gifted with an inner strength that quietly demanded admiration. Sarah knew this from their first meeting when she went out in search of Jude and confirmed it when looking into her eyes on the boat before they both went overboard.

She hadn't interacted with Jin much, but she noted a tension between them. Often Jin would glance far out, brooding as a man of deep regret. What sort of regret could a man of his stature hold? Then, perhaps none of them were as she knew them. _It was a possibility she would rather not consider._ Either way, it was as if fate had erased her from the picture, like an artist erases a mistake, leaving the rest of the painting intact. Either way, they didn't know her. She was as much a stranger to them as the day Sayid found her in the jungle. _Either way…She was back to square one._

Morning rose over three figures gathered around a campfire, which had smoldered to ash in the early hours before dawn, while a fourth watched them from a distance, having awoken and keeping a close eye on Sayid. He pushed himself on his feet, stretched and scanned the surrounding area. Sarah hardly breathed. He made his way to the ferry landing. She supposed he was studying the footprints left by the others when they captured Jack and his group.

Jin rose next. He poked at the remaining sparks of fire with a stick. Sun sat up stretching, and then turned her head. Jin took his place beside her, throwing his arms around her and kissing her on the top of the head. Sarah noticed how his hand idly rested on her abdomen while the two touched heads and whispered.

Sayid approached, wriggling into his knapsack. His voice was low, yet Sarah made out his words. "I'm sorry for dragging you both into this. Tell your husband that next time, I will listen to him. "

He then convinced them it was time to start their long journey back to camp, where they would then tell everyone what had happened and that more than likely Jack, along with the others had been taken prisoner.

Sarah cowered low under the shrubs, while they steadily worked at snuffing the fire.

They soon gathered what was left of their things and started out, Sayid taking the lead, Jin and Sun side by side slightly behind him. She remained hidden until she was confident that she wouldn't be seen or heard, at which point, she carefully stepped over the ground softly, checking for signs that she had been discovered. She hated hiding and felt funny about stalking them, but she knew of no other way until she could decide on her approach. Sayid was no stranger to torture, and she suspected Jin might not be either.

Thus, simply strolling up and introducing herself might prove to be fatal. She could hardly blame them after everything Ben and his people had put them through. Though coming to understand this served to bring her more grief. She didn't see anyway of coming out of this unscathed, but it would be worth it if she could somehow find a way to help them.

(Of course, the desire to help them was only part of the motivation - she could not lie to herself anymore than she could lie to him.)

She kept low and a fair distance away, holding her eyes on them warily. She didn't have a plan. Honestly how does one formulate a plan for something like this? She hoped Alex was okay. To say Ben would be angry would be mildly putting it. But Alex was smart, craftier than what she had always given herself credit. Sarah couldn't help wondering from where they had stolen her? What other mother had they left childless?

Sarah raised her eyes. Sayid took a turn past a grove of trees, leading them to a thin strip of water cutting through a cramped clearing, surrounded by fruit trees. There, they agreed to rest. They would refill their bottles of water, take a little food and then continue until they had reached camp.

_They would not spent another night in the jungle._

Sun knelt to the waters edge and splashed handfuls over her face while Jin gathered fruit. Sarah swallowed. The trickling of the water gleaming in the sunlight only reminded her just how thirsty she was. The salty seawater had left a ball of cotton in her mouth. Having not eaten or drank in quite sometime, she could use some of that water … not to mention food.

She thought perhaps if she could walk downstream a little way, she might cross another isolated spot and have a drink herself - without being spotted. Sayid had wandered into the brush, as she expected he would, in order to scout the lay of the area, and neither Jin nor Sun looked as if they were in a hurry.

It would cost her nothing to try, as long as she remained wary. She could not risk getting caught by surprise - not this time. Not another round of being gagged and intimidated, threatened. Not if she could help it. _IF_. And that _was_ a _very_ big _if. _

She watched them a little longer, and then cautiously wandered down stream, bending under low-lying branches. She followed a narrow path until she found a quiet, somewhat secluded area. She was so thirsty the stream nearly appeared to call her name. She noted a mango tree, branches towering, and dangling large ripe fruit over the water. Sweet looking ripe fruit waiting to be picked by a very hungry hand.

She wasted no time wiping her face and then reaching the tree in long strides. She reached for the branch, finding it nearly out of contact. The tips of her fingers just barely touching a mango when her foot slipped off a rock, submerging it into the cold, clear water.

" Dammit. " She grumbled in frustration. She certainly was not going to be defeated by a mere mango. She went for it again. She stepped a foot forward, holding onto one branch while stretching out a searching hand, only to recoil. She'd been startled by a snapping sound. The sound of approaching footsteps. She jerked her head around. She couldn't be too careful.

Scrambling across the rocks, she slid within the cover of heavy shrubs, scanning the area intensely. Several minutes passed, and the area remained clear. She had begun to think that she was being overly sensitive when she heard the crunch of leaves underfoot and a rustling in the trees. Eyes wide, she watched the figure appear into the open and sighed at the sight of him. The curls of his hair were tied back, and he wore his typical tank - this one was grey. He spied the mango tree, but approached it cautiously, with intent, his rifle dangling from his shoulders. It was obvious that he sensed something. The corners of her mouth turned up watching him skulk across the ground like a cat stalking its prey. He was as she remembered him.

Seemingly satisfied, he turned his attention to the tempting display of fruit fed by the cool stream. He was more successful than she at grabbing the branch. He planted his foot near the root and reached forward with ease, plucking a particularly large mango from its stem. She nearly drooled thinking of how hungry she was. _The heat didn't help either. _

He dipped a hand in the water, taking a sip, and then brushed off the mango rolling it gently in his hand. What she did not expect was for him to turn towards the jungle and speak.

"You may as well reveal yourself as we both know that I am aware of your presence. "

A sudden rush of lightheadedness overwhelmed her, while she struggled to catch her breath. He could draw his rifle in one quick move and gun her down before she could blink. Before she could speak. Mind racing, she was at a loss. Should she remain still he might start randomly shooting to flush her out?

The taser was still in her pocket. Would it work after being submerged under water? Flicking her eyes up to his face, she tugged at it, stopping only a moment to fiddle with the button from his shirt that had remained buried deep in her pocket.

Was she seriously considering tasering him? Did she seriously think she could do it? It seemed such a farfetched and highly fallible plan. How would she get close enough? She couldn't stroll up to him and simply touch him with it, not before he had the chance to gun her down. If only he were a bit closer.

Ah, she would have to lure him in. She would distract him with a noise in the shrubs close to her, and as soon as he threw them back to flush her out, she would reach out and hit him with it. This too was just as risky, once she thought about it. He might actually spot her hand poking out from the bushes before she could get the taser near enough. No ... that plan seemed a wash, until she did something rather clever, but very odd.

Plucking a leafy branch from the ground, she smiled, formulating probably one of the dumbest plans to date. She would later jokingly refer to it as "Taser on a stick. "

Sayid flicked his head at a sound in the shrubs to his right. In less than a second flat, he had drawn his rifle to his shoulder, and crept up to the shrub stealthily. Sarah watched him from behind, relieved that this part of her plan had worked.

While investigating the one bush, he flipped around at another sound coming from behind him. He turned to find a leafy stick protruding from the shrubs. It pushed its way towards him like some freaky wooden arm reaching out to him. It took a sudden jerk forwards, hitting his hand hard enough to send a jolt of electricity through him. She dropped the stick, along with he taser she had wedged in between the small branches, and waited.

His fall was instantaneous. He dropped to his side, curled up with muscles tensing.

She winced, feeling a huge sting of guilt, but swallowed it knowing she may have hurt him, but he would be okay. It was another necessary evil …That's what she told herself. She had to be quick.

Sarah, jumped from the bushes, grabbed a bunch of vines and approached him. She paused for a moment, staring down at him, her mind flooded with memory.

"I'm_ telling you this Sarah, because I want you to see. It does not matter where you came from. Or what horrible past you may have. That is not who you are. I know who you are. " _

These are the words he spoke to her the night she first felt his lips on hers. The night he confessed his love for her. Her fingers strayed to her lips remembering how he had kissed her. The way he had barely brushed her lips at first, and then drew her in, kissing her fully.

She flicked her eyes down to his twitching body with remorse. She hated having to hurt him this way. She blinked; grabbing his hands in an attempt to tie them together with his ankles … But was stopped. She groaned with his every groan. Every staggered breath was as a knife piercing her through the chest. Her face twisted in agony as the vines slipped through her fingertips and tumbled to her feet.

She stepped back, eyes wet, confessing earnestly. "I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry. I didn't know what to do. If I'd come out, I … I know you might have shot me …_or worse._ "

She knew her time was limited. She had pushed the switch as low as possible only wanting to stun him enough to tie him. She would then plead her case … as much as she could feasibly reveal. She truly thought she could go through with it, until she stared into his deep brown eyes, and felt his pain as if it were her own.

_She was not a torturer._

He clenched his teeth. The electricity working through his body did not stop him from watching her, trying to pick her apart. She wrung her hands nervously. "I knew you would have thought I …I was … One of them. "

She hadn't thought beyond this point. He could not possibly understand the truth, yet if she lied, he would know it and as soon as the taser wore off, he would have her tied and primed for interrogation. She stared at him helplessly. "I … I don't know what to tell you! I don't know what to say! Oh my God I'm so sorry! "

She hadn't anticipated being overtaken with such powerful feelings, memories of him flashing before her eyes. His laugh, his smile … the way his eyebrows turned in when he was serious. Her last glimpse of him loading the fire with wood near the Pala ferry landing. How she had regretted not running into his arms and forgetting their stupid fight.

Tears spilling over her cheeks, she ran her hands over her head …She hurt for him. She closed her eyes and took a gulp of air, blowing it out slowly then opening them, she knelt before of him, her face lined with empathy. "I know what you can do to me. "

Her voice dropped to a sad whisper while admitting. "What you're probably gonna do to me. "

His eyes held her in a speechless gaze. "…And I won't blame you. "

She continued. "I don't know if I can ever be able to explain how, but I know who you are, Sayid. I know you can make people do what you want if you have to. But I know you're not without reason. I'm not gonna run. But before you judge me, make me one of them …Can just I have a chance? Can you please … Please just give me a chance? "

There was a look between them …One that melted her. The moment was short lived upon the sound of an approaching voice rambling off incomprehensible words. She straightened up, and found herself staring into the nozzle of a gun. Jin was stern-faced on the other end of it, determined that she respond in the way desired or he might release a bullet into her. Sun crept up a foot or so behind him. Her face drew up a concerned, worried expression, glancing between the three of them.

Sarah moved in slow deliberate motions, saying nothing as she raised her hands and stepped back from Sayid. Taking a few steps, she fell to her knees, resting her palms on the back of her head fearful of what might happen next. She was completely in their hands.

Sun flew to Sayid's side, kneeling by him and holding his head in her hands. He grimaced, raising himself, and eventually standing. Jin had not lifted his eyes from his hard stare. Her heart pounded. Sarah knew that Sayid would soon have his rifle back in his own hands.

Eyes low and heavy, she knelt a sick, weak feeling crawling through her body, sweat rolling down her back. The few moments were like hours. Sayid studied her, and then glanced at Jin. His voice broke the painful silence.

"Sun. Tell your husband to lower his weapon. "****


	32. Photograph

**_Chapter 32_ _Photograph_**

**  
Beams of afternoon sun broke through the dense trees like spotlights dotting the earth, while birds chattered to each other without regard to the four figures below them. Sarah didn't notice the sunbeams, nor the birds chirping. The only sound she heard was the thumping of her heart pounding in her ears, kneeling before her three friends. **

**Friends who didn't know her. Didn't know that they were her friends.**

** Sayid stood over her, picking her apart with his eyes …studying her. She remained kneeling, face flushed; breathing in air that seemed to vanish before it even reached her lungs.**

**_She dare not look up._ **

**It was not fear that kept her humble. In so much as the fear of being hurt by him - which she was keenly aware of how capable he was of doing so - no, it was the awareness that if she looked up and met his gaze, she would find him returning her glance as a stranger, with no recognition in his eyes. Not knowing that she ever cared about him. They would all look at her that way and this was more painful than any interrogation.  
**

**She had come to a moment of doubt. One that questioned if it were even worth the fight. Or would it better for her to simply relent her will and submit to the chains from which she had so desperately fought to break free. Nevertheless, though a part of her had grown weary of struggling, she had to believe that there was a place for her. A place filled with peace, contentment, beauty and most of all love. **

_**Something she hadn't known about until she began this journey. **_

**She had made it this far. In the face of Ben's efforts to snuff out her hope, her will - here she was kneeling in front of it. She had proven Ben wrong. She had proven him a liar. Her proof towering over her deciding her fate.**

**Sayid broke his gaze, reaching for his rifle. She heard a muffled groan as he bent down, and then slung it over his shoulder. He was hiding the residual soreness in his muscles. **

**She held a steady gaze at his feet, attempting to keep the trembling at bay,ignoring the sick feeling in her stomach. She was struggling to keep her hands behind her head, growing weaker. Her mouth so dry that she felt as though her tongue would stick to the roof of her mouth. She regretted not having any of that water before their confrontation. She hadn't eaten or drank anything since she woke up with Ben and Juliet gawking over her. And the gulps of salt water she'd swallowed, when she nearly drowned, only served to increase her thirst.**

**Sayid flicked his eyes across her. She was a pitiful looking thing. Her hair hung in strings from the seawater, reeking of fish odor. Her blotchy face was smudged with dirt. Jeans ripped on one knee and she had been ignoring whatever sharp rock was pressing hard into it.**

**His voice nearly jolted her. "You are the woman who helped Sun escape from the sailboat. "**

**She hadn't seen him exchange glances with Sun, who nodded a reply. **

**Sarah nodded weakly and whispered. "Yes. "**

**He shifted his weight stiffly, then took her by the arm and pulled her to her feet. She wobbled for a moment. Eyes briefly meeting his, her heart broke as she quickly returned a timid glance downwards. **

**She had held his face in her mind every moment Ben tried to convince her that he wasn't real. She knew every detail of it, from the deep brown color of his eyes, and his thick curvy eyelashes, to the way his face beamed whenever he smiled. Now that she could see him with her own eyes again, standing there in front of her, she could not bear to raise them to his.**

**"And who are you? " He prodded.**

**She swallowed and responded with a rasp. "Sarah. My name is Sarah. "**

**He nodded his head with a cynical smirk as he answered. " Well, Sarah, I hope that you've cleared your schedule. "**

**They set out to the spot where they had first stopped to rest, Sayid holding onto her. And though she knew that his hand wasn't wrapped around her arm as a sign of affection, somehow, she felt safe at his side. **

**He was speaking, but she was distracted by the growing headache pounding into her eyes, joined by a sudden weakness in her limbs. She could no longer ignore it. An odd feeling overcame her. As though something was pulling her forward while she struggled to remain on her feet. **

**Sun and Jin flipped around with expressions of concern.**

******Sarah released a feeble moan, legs crumbling underneath her and tumbled forwards in slow motion. She had expected to feel the jolt when her body slammed into the earth, but stopped just short of it. Sayid caught her. He eased her down against the base of a tree.**

******He dropped beside her quickly, while glancing over her face and then staring into her eyes. Her shirt stuck to her body as sweat rolled down her neck. _She was so tired.  
_  
Sayid muttered to Sun and then raised something to Sarah's mouth. "You're dehydrated, drink this. "**

******She greedily swallowed the water once it hit her lips and tumbled to the back of her throat. Sayid instructed her to drink slowly, but when she grasped the container, she gulped it as if she had never tasted water.**

******He reached out and took it from her. "That's enough. Not too fast. "**

******She closed her eyes, thankful for a bit of compassion.**

******Sun knelt next to Sayid, handing him a bowl with some pieces of fruit. Mango, berries and a few others. He passed it to Sarah who accepted it readily, scarfing the pieces down in spite of his prodding to eat slowly. She couldn't remember ever being so hungry.**

******The three of them watched, unsure of what to make of her.**

******Sayid scanned the area, glancing out beyond the stream, then spoke. "If we leave now, we will never make it to the beach before nightfall. I believe it would be in our best interest if we camp here for the night, where there is plenty of fresh water and fruit, and then travel the rest of the way at sunrise. "**

******He shot a quick look at Sarah then continued. " Jin and I can take shifts until the morning. "**

******More discussion ensued with Sun translating, but Sarah was too tired to listen. She had not slept since her time with Jack. Her eyes growing heavy, she was fading. She let her body ease down until she was balled up on her side with her hands tucked under her head, closed her eyes and drifted off to the sound of Sayid's voice.**

**********She wasn't aware of how much time had passed, but a sound drew her out of the much-needed slumber. _Someone was near_. _Watching her_.  
**

**********She lie wondering if she were to remain still and breathed lightly perhaps this presence would disappear. Should she continue to pretend she was sleeping?**

**********She cautiously cracked her eyelids open trying to catch a glimpse, finding herself staring at shoes and knees inside of loose fitting black pants. Her eyes followed up until she was gazing into the eyes she had so missed. The corners of his mouth turned up and he whispered with a finger over his mouth. "Shhhh … "**

**********He held her in his eyes as he reached out his hand and gently brushed the hair from her face, touching her cheek. Emotion filled her as she whispered. "Sayid "**

**********In the quietness of the night, his face brightened with a gentle smile as he moved closer to her. Her heart racing, she closed her eyes as his lips pursed, and he let out a long snore.**

**********Sarah's eyelids flipped open. _Crap! _She had been dreaming again. Her head was resting on something soft, something that was not there when she first lay down. She raised herself up, and found a shirt bunched up from where she had lifted her head. A familiar noise brought a smile to her face. She glanced over, a few feet away, **

**********spying Sayid leaned back, eyes closed and mouth hanging open and mused to herself. _This Sayid certainly snored like the one she remembered!_**

**********A small fire illuminated the outline of Sun and Jin spooned together so close that they were almost one form. She watched them only a moment and then her glanced strayed to Sayid who hadn't moved much at all. _So much for taking shifts. _**

**********She took the shirt and drew it to her face. It smelled like him. More than that, she recognized it. She had carried a piece of it in her pocket since the day they were parted. She stuck her finger through the buttonhole and remembered the day when she pulled him near her and they kissed on the sailboat underneath the crystal blue sky. Would they ever kiss again? **

**********She flinched at a shadow, turned and discovered Tom peering down at her as if he had just appeared in a puff of smoke. He held a hand out. Eyebrows drawn together, she stared and whispered. "How did you? "**

**********"Shhhh … " He answered. " There's something you should see. "**

**************She turned, shot a reluctant glance back to Sayid and argued. "Why? Where are we g …? "**

**************"Just follow me. " Tom interrupted abruptly, ignoring her probing.**

**************She rolled her eyes in deliberation, and then pushed herself on her feet, glancing back at the three of them and then followed him. She was not entirely convinced that she should follow, but she went nonetheless.**

**************They crossed over limbs and debris that had shaken loose from the trees and covered the ground. A cool breeze swayed the smaller trees, and was welcomed more than the hot sun that had beaten down on her during the day.**

**************She followed him, but not without a lingering reservation. The Earth was solid under her feet, of this, she was certain. Yet, there he was walking a few steps ahead of her wearing his suite just as he had always done. She thought of her conversation with Ben about the boy. His point was well taken. "Why has he remained the same and you're a grown woman? " **

**************The same could be said for Tom … Did he not own other clothes? Or did traipsing through the jungle in an uncomfortable dress suite just simply appeal to him?**

**************She planted her feet decisively, and took a confronting tone. **"**Where are you taking me? "**

**************He turned, but responded with a simple hand gesture that urged her to follow. She eyed him warily while ignoring his gentle nudging, and spoke accusatorially. **"**You're not real! "**

**************He paused, turning around and smiling. She stared as her mouth slowly gaped open. "I … I'm following, talking to … What? A ghost? What am I doing? "**

**************He moved towards her, but she recoiled. " I want you to leave. Go away. Look just … Just go! "**

**************His features softened, while gazing at her gently and answered. "Sarah I'm as real as I can be. And I can be whoever I need to be … whoever you need me to be. I have been with you since you were brought here. "  
**

**************Her feet instinctively took a step backwards, while shaking her head. What did he mean? She had never seen him before her experience in the Swan hatch, held prisoner there by Jack and Sayid. _Had She? _How could he say he'd been with her since she was brought here? What did he mean … since she was brought here?**

**************He simply retained the disconcerting smile, and spoke gently. "Just trust me a little longer and I will teach you secrets that I've shown very few. "**

**************He pulled back a low-lying branch and motioned for her, pointing to the space underneath it. She hesitated. All of this was very interesting … alright, it was very disturbing. Creepy even. She was questioning her own sanity again. Could it be that they weren't far from the mark when she was admitted to the mental institution? **

**************Regardless, as if some magnetic force pulled her, she was unable to stop herself from stepping forwards to the place he had revealed under the branches. She reached the spot and glanced down. There was nothing there aside from a pile of dirt. **

**************She drew in a long heavy breath and exhaled, giving her head a little shake. This was the big reveal? Somehow, it left her wanting. Yet, at second glance, she noticed something about this small mound of earth. It was not there happenchance. It was a very small pile, contained within one circular spot ... As if something were buried underneath it. **

**************She knelt, covering it with her hand, and then pushed her fingers into it and removed handfuls of dirt until she caught a glimpse of white peeking out. She had uncovered the corner of a piece of paper. She grabbed the end and gave it a tug, dragging the length of it from the soil, brushed it off with her hands and then studied it.**

**************She stood upright, clenching a long narrow slip of paper in her hands with a startled air, face twitching. She wandered dazedly into the clearing until the moonlight illuminated it. Her mouth gaped in shock. Covering her mouth with one hand, she dropped to her knees, trembling with emotion while large tears spilled over her cheeks running into each other like a stream. **

**************Kneeling there in the moonlight, her body rocked with memory, she hadn't noticed Sayid's stealthy approach. He had crept up on her cautiously and found her dissolved into tears on the ground holding something in her hands.**

**************He stood over her, she felt his presence and knew that he was there … sensing his eyes on her. She glanced up timidly, but then cast her eyes down to this newly found piece of treasure.**

**************He watched her for a minute or two, and then spoke. "Perhaps now is a good time for our conversation. The one where you tell me who you are. Whom the man is you were talking to, and why you are out here in the middle of the night on your knees ... crying over a photograph. "**


	33. Mr Muggles

_**A/N Seriously HUGE warning ... if you haven't read the previous chapters, you're going to be loster than the show and completely spoiling it for yourself as each chapter unfolds something new about the character and the stuff going on around her. **_

**_Chapter 33 : __Mr Muggles_  
**

**It was Saturday, and the perfect day for strolling the mall. She skipped along side,occasionally bumping against him, casting a big hazel gaze up and smiling mischievously. He returned her grin with what she called one of his silly faces. Most teenaged boys could care less about spending time with kindergartners, but he never seemed to be annoyed or bored by her, welcoming her company nearly every time she asked.**

**He laughed hardily at her giggles with his brown eyes sparkling. She responded by attempting to imitate his silly face, which rarely bore resemblance to the original, but the effort was just as entertaining. **

"**Come on Sarah. " He said. "And I'll take you by the pet store. " **

**"Now don't go too far. "The brunette woman called after them as they entered through the front doors. "Meet me in the food court in exactly one hour…Alright? "**

**"Sure mom. " He called back, taking Sarah's hand in his.**

**Sarah looked back at her strolling off to the main store at the end of the mall with her big paisley purse swaying back and forth over her shoulder. Sarah wondered what she could be carrying in there. She was always curious, but never slipped a peek to see. **

**It was her birthday and today, she would get to play in the mall, then she and Jack would be dropped off at the putt-putt course. Though she didn't know it at the time, he would always let her cheat her way through and win most of the putts. This particular putt had a distinct quality from most others. It was _very_ high tech. Each course was installed with a motion detector under it; equally, a device was planted in each ball to correspond with the motion detector. In this way, the detector could monitor the course of the ball as it was putted around the course. Tickets randomly spit out each time someone putted the ball into a hole. (Not every hole was guaranteed a ticket.)The color of the ticket dependant upon how many times one putted the ball before sinking it. Each color was assigned a point. There were only 3 colors, however, so if you took longer than three putts to sink it you'd receive no ticket, and if you simply dropped the ball into the hole it wouldn't register at all. **

**At the end of the run, Jack would always have collected enough points to earn something from the prize box. He would enter the room full of prizes and emerge with a surprise for Sarah.  
**

**Yes, Sarah loved Putt-Putt. She squeezed his hand in sheer giddiness, and returned to her rhythmic skipping. Happily anticipating the day. Would there be cake and ice cream after dinner? She could hardly wait! **

"**Look, " Jack pointed, as they neared The Pet Shop, "They've got a parrot near the door. Wanna go see? "**

**The brightly colored bird was squawking loudly from a distance. It was almost taller than the length of her arm …and very noisy. Somehow, the idea of crossing the doorway of The Pet Shop became overwhelmingly daunting. She squeezed his hand tightly, pressing uneasily against his side. He gave her a gentle push. "Awe come on. It's just a bird. Don't you like him? "**

**Her delicate face scrunched into a pout as she dropped her chin to her chest. If that bird was going to remain in the entranceway, she was not going to grace the door with her presence. Jack smiled, hugging her with one arm. **

**"Okay, well, how 'bout we swing by The Cookie Place - we won't tell mom. "**

**The Cookie Place sold single cookie bites, which usually had one large chocolate chip in the middle. Sarah loved them. She nodded gleefully with a huge grin; she would never turn down a chance to go to The Cookie Place.**

**She was skipping along beside him watching the people pass by, when they came across a booth set-up next to the ice skating rink. It was a tall white booth with only one entrance covered with a plain cream-colored curtain. **

**She thought it much like the curtain in the wizard of oz and wondered if a funny little white haired man would pop out of it and offer to take them for a ride in his balloon. Enjoying this line of thinking, she let it run in her mind. What sort of place would he take them to? It would be magical and mysterious, and sometimes even dangerous. They would soar in the smiley-faced balloon ... she, Jack and the man, admiring the bright yellow sun and thinking that if they were a little closer, she could reach out and steal one of its rays. But something terrible happened. As she pictured the balloon in her mind, soaring across the sky with the bright ball of sun behind it, the vision took a life of its own. Its shadow traced its path over the treetops below as it suddenly began to plummet downwards.**

**"Uh … Sarah? " Jack interrupted her. "Whatcha doin? "**

**He seemed confused by her funny expression as she replied in a dreamy sort of surprise. "The balloon crashed. "**

**He cocked his head sideways, shifting his eyes. "Um … okay. "**

**Then he smiled, shaking off the weirdness of the moment. "Look, see on the side? That's one of those picture booth things. We can go get our picture taken - that'll be fun, yeah? "**

**Her chestnut pony tail bouncing on her head, she nodded her approval. She was interested in this booth. Curious to know how it worked. How could it take their picture without someone there to push the button? **

_**It would have to be magic. **_

**Jack pulled the curtain back, and let her step in, then he went in behind her. Sarah perched herself on the wooden bench swinging her legs back and forth, enjoying the fact that her feet couldn't touch the floor … ****_not even when she pointed her toes_. Jack reached over to the screen opposite of them and chunked in a handful of coins. The machine seemed to hum with approval as it turned itself on.**

**She stared at the inside of the booth with puzzlement. "Jack? "**

**He sat back, turned and answered her. "Yeah? "**

**_" Who's gonna push the button? "_**

**Jack shook his head. "It doesn't work like that … " **

"**Look, " He said . " You make funny faces like this! "**

**He leaned against her making her giggle as he pressed his face in with the sides of his hands until his cheeks pudged out and squeaked. " Bus driver, please open the door. "**

**She laughed hysterically while he grabbed her and tickled her belly until her face turned red. Then he turned her around and they pressed their faces side by side. **

"**Now make a silly face. " He demanded playfully. She tried her best by poking her lips out, scrunching her nose up and squinting.**

**He had distracted her enough that she didn't even hear the series of clicks indicating that the machine was taking their pictures, until it began to spit them out in one long strip of paper. She stared at it with interest as it just it tumbled out of the slot cut just small enough for the strip to pass through, and then jumped from the bench anxious to have a look.**

**Jack watched her with amusement, and motioned with his head. "Just tug at it and it'll come loose. " **

**Her eyes widened, she giggled and then continued to stare momentarily at it protruding out of the slot. She took the end of it in her slender fingers, giving it the lightest of tugs. It fell out easily in her hand, without much effort on her part.**

******She beamed, stretching it out lengthwise. The two of them studied each one, laughing and pointing. Occasionally she would let out a big laugh and fall into him. **

**__****This was a good day. **

******That evening, when she was full of pizza, cake and ice cream, Jack carried her to her room, in his arms, after she had dropped off to sleep in the middle of the floor playing with toys. She yawned, rolled over and opened her eyes while he was busy covering her with pink sheets and a comforter dotted with pink flowers.**

******"Where's Mr. Muggles? " She questioned in her sleepy voice.**

******Jack smiled. "Right here, of course! "**

******Today, when they'd visited the putt putt course, Jack had emerged from the prize box with a rust colored teddy bear. She had readily accepted it, hugging it tightly under her chin the entire ride home. By the time they'd pulled into the driveway, she had already named it. "Mr. Muggles. "**

******" And where's the pictures? " She prodded while yawning.**

******Jacks smile was oddly near sad as he placed it in her tiny hand. He glanced over her face, and then spoke. "I want you to keep it, and no matter where you are, if you have it with you, it'll be like I'm there, okay? "**

******She studied him as a twinge of fear began to grow in her stomach. She was sensing something that he wasn't telling her, and though she didn't understand it … It was making her very uncomfortable.**

******" But you'll ****_always_ be there won't you Jack? " She asked with worried eyes.**

******He laughed and rubbed the top of her head with his palm. "Yea squirt, I'll _always _be there. "**

******He kissed her on the forehead and stood up, but she grabbed his sleeve, and pleaded with big hazel eyes. "Jack, don't go. Tell me a story. One of _those _stories. "**

******He sighed, then agreed, but only if she closed her eyes and lay very still. He'd stay with her until she fell asleep. She nodded willingly, squeezed Mr. Muggles close to her chest, and clasped the picture in her hands, holding it near her face.**

******Jack pulled the stool up, beside the bed, and perched himself on it, drumming around words in his head. He'd hardly ever told her typical bedtime stories. Instead, he conjured up his own plots, making it up as he went along.  
He thought for a minute and then leaned in with his elbows on the bed, and began. **

**"****Well … Once upon a time, there was a tiny mouse. Now the mouse was left all alone in the field without anyone to take care of her, until one day, just by chance, a little boy was playing in the field, catching butterflies in a net. He held the net in the air until the sunbeams poked through the holes, but it slipped out of his hand and fell on the ground. When he bent over to pick it up, he found the mouse sitting under a rock, shivering. "**

******So, he smiled at her,and then reached in his pocket and took out a piece of cheese. " **

******Sarah frowned in disbelief. "How'd the cheese get in his pocket? "**

******" Shh … " Jack responded. " It's a story, and anything can happen in a story. You don't have to explain _everything _since some things don't have answers... Now close your eyes. "**

******He continued …**

******"So, the boy pulled out a piece of cheese from his pocket and fed it to the mouse. Then he scooped her up in his hand and took her home. The boy and the mouse became fast friends, and did everything together. " **

******"Did they play putt putt? " Sarah piped up, with eyelids clenched.**

******"Well, " He said. " I suppose they did, but the mouse'd be cheating cuz she'd just push the ball down the grass and pop it in the hole. "**

******Sarah giggled, imagining a mouse pushing a golf ball down the grass with her nose. Jack sighed, and then his voice took on a more serious tone. **

******"So, the boy and the mouse vowed they'd never be separated. Because the boy loved the little mouse and the little mouse loved the boy. But one day, when they were out in the field playing, two people came and picked up the little mouse. It was time for her to leave the field and the boy. "**

******Sarah's eyes flung open. " That's not a very happy story, Jack. " " **

**"****Well, " He said. "it will be. " **

******She stared up at him wide-eyed. "When? When will it be happy Jack? " **

**********He fiddled with his hands, and then glanced up at her decisively. "Well … There was nothing they could do. So, instead of saying goodbye, the boy held the little mouse in his hand one last time and smiled. Then they promised that one day, they would meet again. Instead of saying goodbye, they just said, "See ya in another life. "**

**********It wasn't one of his better stories but it would have to do. Sarah kept her eyes glued on him and whispered.**

********** "When will they ever see each other again? "**

**********He grinned. "Well, in another life, of course! "**

**********Sarah seemed to like that, and added. "… and will there be a Mr. Muggles? "**

**********"Yea silly head. " He teased, messing her hair up. "There'll be a Mr. Muggles " **

**********She grasped the long strip of photographs in her hands as she would a piece of fine china, fragile and valuable. Her tears had completely drenched it as she knelt there on the ground, in the stillness … mourning. The memory broke through her mind like a wall of water crashing through a dam.**

**********Another lie that Ben had told her. Though he was nearly half grown, at 15 or 16 in the picture, this was the boy Ben had tried to convince her wasn't real. The one that she had dreamt of, and whom had appeared to her so many times.**

**********She closed her eyes and pictured Jack … the day he'd removed the blindfold from her eyes, on the beach when he'd told her she had a nice smile and she saw something familiar in his eyes to the moment she awoke and found him kneeling before her behind the glass. She had looked into his eyes and each time found that same calm familiar feeling. Familiar beyond what she'd experienced on the island or in her dreams. It was something comfortable. Something that felt like home.**

**********The boy she'd always remembered ... who taught her to ride a bicycle, and play Jacks ... the one who she'd kept near her in her imagination and thoughts all these years was the boy in the picture …**

**********And the boy in the picture was Jack.**


	34. Sixteen Years

**_A/N - Again I urge you to read the previous chapters if you don't want to ruin the story for yourself:) And also, please do let me know if you've read.   
_**

**_Chapter 34 - Sixteen Years _  
**

**There was a moon out this night. It was not large and full, just a shard of crystal in the velvet sky, much like a sliver of light peeking through torn black velvet. A shiny slice of hope beaming through a shroud of doubt. **

**Sarah had cried her eyes dry. There they were, she and Sayid, reunited under the same sky - and yet strangers. She listened to him breath as he stood over her, waiting for an answer. It didn't seem fair. **

**_How could she explain what she did not really understand?_ **

**She thought of Jack. Had she remembered him, remembered their past, when Ben was tasering the crap out of her, would she have remained there instead of escaping on the sub? Would she have done anything differently? Was there anything she could have done differently anyhow? This was ponder- worthy enough, but then the more alarming consideration was the idea that perhaps Ben knew. It was likely that he did and so all the dramatics, the torturing of both of them was for his own amusement. Yes, he likely knew. Ben never did anything without an agenda or ulterior motive. **

**The thought angered her. The years she had spent yammering about this boy and Ben gently admonishing her for taking fantasy to heart. Telling her she had merely dreamed or belittling her by accusing her of having imaginary friends. No wonder she had blown up at Jack the day she had seen him talking to Jude about her so-called mental condition. It was nearly the same thing repeating itself. The entire episode took on a different meaning, however, once brought into perspective. There she had been, imagining an argument over the accusation that she was imagining things. **

**She drew her knees from under her, and crossed her legs, attempting to collect her thoughts. She could not easily ignore the hard stare above, boring into her. So focus she must. She yanked her thoughts to the present. Sayid had asked her about the man she was talking to. Specifically he wanted to know his identity. To ask her such a question meant that he had in fact seen Chris as well. This brought a very small amount of relief knowing that her eyes were not the only witnesses to his presence. She sniffled, flicked a timid glance and responded **

**"You saw him? " **

**He was standing straight, with his arms folded, brows turned in while he eyed her. "Who? " **

**She nodded. He was guarded, and she understood why. "The man I was with. I … " **

**Sighing, she took another glance up at him. He was listening to every word - her tone - studying every facial expression as if through a microscope. This is how he would determine if she were being honest with him or not. **

**She swiped her palms over her damp forehead. "I'll tell you what I know. (For what it's worth.) But you're probably not going to believe very much of it. And that's okay. Because I would rather be tortured for telling the truth than to lie. " **

**He took a couple of steps, eased himself down and sat across from her, resting his arms on his knees and clasped his hands together. He squared his shoulders then locked eyes with her. "If I wanted to hurt you ... I would have already done so. " **

**Faced flushed hot with emotion, she blinked and nodded. " The man that you saw. He calls himself Tom. I have been here on this island for most of my life, but it wasn't until just recently that I've seen him. There's also a boy. I've seen him since I was a child. Ben tried to convince me he wasn't real. " **

**He turned his chin to the side curiously. " And who is Ben? " **

**She nearly smiled at the question. What another odd sense of déjà vu. She'd had this conversation with him before, the day that she recalled the eerie meeting between her and Ben in the Swan. How he had proclaimed to be her** **father. She and Sayid had stood by the railing and when she opened her mouth, she had said Ben instead of Henry. His response was the same as now "And who is Ben? " **

**"You know him as Henry Gale. " She answered. "His name is Benjamin Linus. " "If that's really even his name. " **

**The thought had never crossed her mind before. Just how deep did the lies go? After so many years, he must have begun to believe them himself - it has been said that the best liars are the ones who believe they are telling the truth. **

**" You don't trust him? " Sayid prodded slyly. **

**" Do I have a reason to? " She snapped. " I've spent most of my life locked up in a room. I never saw the outside world. Just that room and a few other rooms. I hardly saw any other people, just him … I … " **

**She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. " He brought me here when I was a girl. I was six or seven … I think. Told me he was my father. There's another hatch. It's called the Hydra and it's an underwater hatch. He brought me there, kept me in this room and I was there until a few months ago. " **

**Eyes narrowed, Sayid interrupted her. " So, I am to believe that you lived roughly eighteen to twenty years in one single room? " **

**She was aware of the pained expression she had taken on, though she could do nothing about it. A chunk of her life was gone. A span of time that Ben had taken from her. It sounded even more pathetic coming from Sayid. Yes, she had been imprisoned in that small room for most of her days while the world spun round outside. All the way into her early adult years. Only with age came awareness and inner strength - something he probably anticipated but assumed he could control. But with the growing days and years of being treated as an experiment, she'd come to realize that maybe he wasn't the person she had thought he was. _Perhaps he was something a little more ominous._ **

**She had picked up things from Alex during their visits. She knew somewhere out there was a place where the others lived. They slept in cozy houses, able to go in and out as they pleased or lie on the ground and gaze up at the sky anytime they wanted, while she was held prisoner in this dull room, with a single bed, a table with chairs and a bathroom with a toilet and shower. Staring at plain white walls, she could only imagine what the outside world was like. The feel of grass under her feet and the smell of fresh rain had faded … she barely remembered them. **

**During these years, she began opposing him. She resisted subtly in the beginning, careful to avoid directly angering him or giving him a reason to punish her. These subtle steps evolved into an outright rebellion in her early 20's. Memories of her pre-island life emerged randomly contrasting the stories he had fed her about her past. When the memories were too many and could easily be fitted together into a complete picture, he would have her removed and taken to the chair. The memories eventually returned, but she learned to hide them as much as she could. She had found proof he wasn't her father nearly a year before her escape to Australia.**

** Sighing, she did not know how she could possibly explain all of this to Sayid along with the unbelievable details of her coma induced dream/vision or whatever it was. She flicked her eyes across his face and answered feebly. "I … it was closer to sixteen. He's worse than you realize. He can make you do something and think it's your own idea. He'll find out what you're emotionally invested in, and he'll exploit it ... and if you're weak then you'll do what he wants. " **

**She thought of the room with the chair, and its straps. The needles and several other things she wished she didn't know about. It gave her the creeps. Sayid's face expressed disbelief. Disheartened, she knew before she began that he probably would not believe her. Offering herself as trade for Kate, Jack and Sawyer was pointless. Ben would find a way around it even if he seemed to accept the offer. To release them for any reason would paint the image of a weak and ineffective leader. He would never relinquish his power or authority. **

**Sayid listened with an uninvolved type of gaze. She would not find the comfort that she needed in him now. Maybe not ever. She never thought she would run across anything more painful than the zap of that taser. Staring into his eyes, knowing that he did not feel anything for her, was almost more than she could grasp. **

**" Forgive me, " He said, "if I sound a bit … skeptical. It seems somewhat farfetched that a man would kidnap a child, for the purpose of locking her in a room and convincing her he's her father. " **

**Her eyes revealing the extreme sadness behind them, she answered timorously. "I haven't been around enough people to know. " **

**She closed her eyes, painfully aware of just how vulnerable she had become in such a short amount of time, and then raised them to his. It was harder than she first imagined. Trying to explain to him who she was and where she'd come from. She was grateful that he had not tried to beat it out of her or done any of the other things he could do thinking she was one of them. "I … I don't expect you to believe me. I just … I just hoped. " **

**He lifted his chin a little. "Hoped? " **

**"I didn't have anyone else to tell me any different. I didn't know where I was and I didn't know what might be out there beyond the walls, beyond that door. " She dropped her eyes in a painful whisper. "There were … tests … and things. " **

**She swiped her palms over her face again in an expression of embarrassment. She found it hard to look at him. She never thought she would feel shame telling someone else what Ben did to her. Not until now. She wanted to turn away, but found herself frozen there before him feeling small and exposed. **

**His features softened a little with the awareness that he was snooping in a delicate place. He nodded. "Alright. So, why were you with the others when they stole the boat? " **

**She sighed, gathering her composure. "There's an underwater hatch. Like I said. That's where I was held. I saw Jack. " **

**Sayid's eyes widened when he heard this, as he straightened himself. She noted his interest and expounded. "They're holding him in an old tank where they used to have marine animals. I don't think they've hurt him. Ben is sick and he wants Jack to help him. Anyway, I … there was a scout left behind to see if you'd found the fake hatch. Ryan. He saw the boat. " **

**She held her breath, waiting to hear his response. **

**"How did they get to the boat? " He prodded further. "It was as if they simply jumped up there from the water. " **

**"They have a submarine. " She answered. "I've escaped on it once already. Over eighty days ago. It's another long story, but I was able to get to Australia and I was on the plane when it crashed … I … There's another girl. Her name is Alex. She's one of the few people he did let me see. You could say she's my sister, but I doubt she's really his daughter. " **

**Sayid was not one to show his thoughts behind his eyes when he did not want them revealed, but Sarah caught a glimpse of recognition at the mention of Alex. Did he know her? It seemed unlikely, and Alex would have mentioned the fact that she had met him … _If she had._ **

**Regardless, she needed to focus on what he needed to know and leave the other things for later. "Alex told me they were taking the sub, and then she helped me get on it while they were putting together a team. I hid there until we came to the ferry landing, and then I snuck on board the boat after them. I thought I could somehow warn you, but then I realized Sun was there on the boat. I knew you wouldn't have enough time to help her. " **

**She told him that she had also heard about Kate and Sawyer from Alex. That they were being held in the bear cages outside of the Hydra. In addition, Hurley had been released and told to tell everyone on the beach never to come back there. **

**His eyes narrowed while he processed what he had heard. He rubbed his chin, and then spoke. "You speak about us as if you know us. But how could you? You have spent your entire life locked in a room under the ocean … so you've said. " **

**She swallowed hard … how could she possibly explain it without having her sanity questioned? How would she start? The others had files and could spout out details of any crash survivor's life, but Sarah hadn't seen any files … except for one. Part of her own. No, Sarah did not get her info from a file cabinet locked in a secret room somewhere.**

**She had dreamt up a completely new life with people whom she crashed with on an island, falling in love with one of them. Incidentally, that one happened to be the one man who knew the ins and outs of torture intimately. **

**Would that sound plausible? Certainly … As plausible as a magnetic field hiding the island from the rest of the world, or being able to flit back and forth in time like a bird. She might as well have said she teleported onto the boat. **

**And unfortunately, for her, Sayid was not a man who believed in something he could not see. **

**Her expanded inner dialog was interrupted by the sound of voices drifting from within the jungle. They were muffled at first, but she and Sayid both turned their heads when one voice spoke clearer than the other. He rose, pulling her with him and they stood listening until they heard. "Sayid? "  
**

**The voice belonged to Sun. The darkness had lightened faintly, warning that morning would soon follow. Sayid gave a little snort, and then answered her. **

"**Over here. " **

**A few seconds later, a figure appeared out of the trees. Sun approached them with her hands behind her head. Sayid had already relinquished Sarah's arm, but there wasn't enough time to draw his rifle. A second figure was behind Sun, prodding her forwards like cattle with the hollow end of a rifle he had pressed into the small of her back. **

**Eyes narrowed, Sayid looked on with an increasingly darkened scowl. The man leaned sideways, peeking around Sun and shot them an evil grin. **

**"Well, well ... looky what I found."**

**Sarah stared at him with gaped mouth, hands to her side, as her body stiffened with a lightening bolt of fear shooting through her.**

**" Hi Laren, " He smirked. "... It's been a long time. "**


	35. Life Mimics Dreams

_**Chapter 35 : Sometimes Life Mimics Dreams **_

**T**he first glimmer of morning faded in through a thin strip of clouds overhead, dimming the approaching dawn with a gloomy threat of rain, as Sarah, frozen in her own footsteps, gawped at this man.

There are certain events, which are unexplainable. It does not mean they are impossible … outside the realm of believability … Simply … _Inexplicable_.

Sarah had witnessed such events in abundance within the short span of her life. Events that would send most people over the edge of reason. Yet, this one did more than surprise her. It sent her head reeling.

The man sneered while leaning over Sun, careful to keep the rifle in contact with her body, and spoke in a - rather fake - insulted tone. "Awe. Now, you couldn't have _forgotten_ me! "

For the first time, she was completely voiceless. Her mouth completly open, but unable to utter a sound while her eyes appeared glued to his face. He laughed nearly maniacally. "Oh …_that's_ right. You're _real_ name is Sarah. That never did suite you. Sarah's are all sweet and innocent. You've been a lot a things … But you ain't ever been sweet. "

His eyebrows dipped down as an irritable scowl lined his forehead.

"Just_ a pain in my ass_! "

Her eyes were not simply betraying her; this _was_ the man she remembered, though his speech was unlike his usual refined discourse. Not to mention the obvious - _that he should not be there at all. _

She pushed air out of her throat and found her voice. "Okay … I … "

"Shut_ up_! " He demanded. "You've caused me too much trouble as it is. I'm finished with trying to help your ass and wind up gettin' spit in the face for it! "

Sayid remained quiet, but carefully observant. Obviously studying the man; picking out his weakness. Taking every bit of information he could from the constant chattering. He glared, keenly aware that wherever there was a Sayid, there would be a gun, and hurled a long piece of thin twine to Sarah. "Now, march yourself over to Abdul there, and tie his hands behind his back. _I'll know if you did it right_. If you try anything funny … I'll shoot little glass ballerina here … _and I won't miss. _"

Sarah's mouth slammed shut at the verbal slapping. She jerked her head towards Sayid, flicking a worried glance across his face. He returned her gaze with a short nod. She pleaded with him with her eyes, and he rose his brow in a gesture that said _stop_ _arguing and obey_.

Dropping her head, she reluctantly retrieved the twine from her feet, feeling a bit stupid. In the midst of her good intentions, escaping from Ben's grasp, endangering her life to save Sun's, what kind of danger had she put them in now?

She made her way behind Sayid, heartbroken, seeing that he had already drawn his hands to his back. Her fingers trembled while he stood perfectly still allowing her to wind the twine around his wrists. These were the hands that had held her face in them. Her own hands had once securely disappeared into them. That last day on the beach lingered in her mind. He had enveloped her hand in both of his, drawn it up to his face and planted that gentle kiss there.

He didn't share the same memory. To him, she was a woman he hardly knew at all, binding his hands without any sentimentalism involved. _A stranger_. She knew his lack of words meant that he was sizing up the situation, waiting for the right moment, but she could not help but wonder what he may be thinking now. There were only two groups of people …The others and the survivors of flight 815 - not mentioning the odd woman Danielle the recluse. She wouldn't blame him if he considered the timing of her appearance and this man stepping out of the jungle holding a rifle to Sun might simply be a neatly constructed ploy.

"Wrap that thing tighter or I swear I'll blow her liver out! " They're captor barked, sending her into a shaky jerk. She had wrapped the twine loosely while lost in thought, and clenched her hands tightly at the sound of his threatening tone. She breathed, muttering numbers through slightly opened lips while twisting a secure knot around Sayid's wrists. She did as told, but through decisive concentration, her nervousness gradually subsiding into a resolved calm. She had discovered a profound center within, looking over Sayid's shoulder and planted a hard gaze into her captor's eyes.

"Ben told me you were dead, Jude. "

His teeth were still a near blinding white. She didn't really know why here, held at gunpoint, she would notice it. He had smiled an amused ear to ear grin, sparkling blue eyes holding a threatening mischievousness within them. He laughed hardily while shaking his head.

"And since when did you start believing what Benjamin tells you?

She smiled; satisfied that she had gotten a rise out of him, though he would never show it.

"Touché "

She was giving her best effort. Jin was out there in the jungle - if Jude had not gotten to him already. And Sayid was working out something in his head. She would do anything possible to distract and delay Jude. Unfortunately, he was smart … _very smart_. Suspicion quickly shadowed his face as the low-lying cloud cover dropped a mist of rain on their heads.

"Oh, I get it. You're taking your time tying up your boyfriend, chatting me up because you think Crouching Tiger's husband here's gonna come bounding out of the woods and save the day. "

He dropped his chin craftily. "No need, I already took care of him. "

Sun stiffened at the implication. Sarah herself shot a concerned glance, hoping that he was merely teasing. He grinned in a way that said he was proud of how clever he was at mental torture. "You're afraid I killed him?"

He paused as if mulling it over and then shrugged. "Meh … I think I'll leave you wondering."

He ran his tongue along his bottom lip and snickered under his breath.

"It's more entertaining that way. "

He considered the length of time she had taken and ordered her to step away from Sayid. She hadn't realized until then that although the knot was long since tied, her hands were still clasping his. She dropped them quickly, and reluctantly stepped from behind him, finishing Jude's instructions to bind Sun as well. With both of them bound, he shot an approving glance over the three of them and drew a long satisfied breath, nodding his head. "Not too bad I'd say. Catching at least two of the islands most wanted, and of course securing at least _one_ person who's on his way to becoming another pain in the ass for Ben and his funhouse kids. "

He lowered his head closer to Sun while eyeing Sarah and smirking. " Too bad for you that little stunt you pulled on the boat killed Colleen. Danny will be glad to have you in his hands. "

As if she hadn't heard more than enough, this bomb exploded in her head lurching her thoughts towards the night on the boat … what could he mean?_ She'd slid over the rail, snuck around, looking to crawl into the hull. She heard a noise. A noise. _

_A sharp pop from somewhere inside the hull. She helped slide the glass window back for Sun to pull herself out of the gully and escape. _There was a dull thump inside her head as she remembered; she _had _seen something on the floor after Sun was clear of the window. _It was a quick glimpse of a body with a flash of red hair.  
_  
She closed her eyes and swallowed thinking _Oh Sun_.

She met his eyes squarely, in steadfast resolution, and convincingly lied through her teeth. "No Jude. You have it wrong. I shot Colleen. I shot her because I didn't see any other way to help Sun. It's me you want … not them. "

His eyes glittered with amusement at the confession. He snickered… "Whatever "… Then gave Sun a hard push aiming her in Sayid's direction. "Sorry to cut this short, but I've got business to take care of, and I never liked playin in the rain. "

He took all of them by surprise when he swiftly hoisted the gun and slammed the butt of it into the side of Sayid's head. Sun winced, while Sarah, unconcerned with Jude's presence, instinctively called out his name, attempting to reach for him as he tumbled down.

"Ooooh no you don't. " Jude grabbed her wrist, yanking her back. "Time to say goodbye to your boyfriend. "

She flipped back angrily "He's not …. "

" _Ah, shut up_!" He barked, shoving the gun into her chest. "And start walking. "

She drew a last long gaze at Sayid's unconscious body lying slumped on his side. Sun had managed to lower herself down and leaned over him. They disappeared behind the dense underbrush as Jude pushed Sarah forward, sticking the gun in her back.

The rain had progressed into a steady release of large drops pounding the dry ground beneath their feet. Sarah's mind ran wild. She blamed herself, hoping that he hadn't hurt Jin.

Though her feet slipped on the slick, muddy debris cluttering the ground, Jude shoved the rifle harder into her back, pushing her forwards, while grumbling. "What is it about that guy that makes you so weak in the knees anyway? "

"I don't know what you're talking about. " She argued, stumbling over slick, mold covered stones.

"Yeah, sure you don't. " He scoffed. "That's why you got all nervous when you thought I was gonna shoot him. Hell, it might have even been fun watching you cry all over him after I shot him to bits. "

They'd walked about a half of a mile when he slowed their pace. The rain now dropping in hazy white sheets. He pulled away a few paces and then ordered.

"Now, on your knees. "

She turned around gawking at him. "What? "

His flashed an angry glare in return. "I didn't say turn around … I said _get down on your knees_! "

She trembled not from the dampness of the rain - though by now, her clothes were completely drenched, water streaming from her hair to her face and down her neck - but the revelation that he had never planned on returning her to Ben.

He had kidnapped her, and forced her into the jungle with the intention of shooting her like a dog.

"You … you're gonna kill me! " She blurted. "You never intended on taking me back, you drug me out here to execute me … Why?! "

He shook his head. "Oh you're a piece of work … That you are. I was there to help you. When I came to get you in Australia ... _Yeah_. Why do you think we were on a plane instead of the sub? Hmm? "

She ran a hand over her eyes in an attempt to brush the rain away from them, and shook her head in disbelief. He waved a free hand around in the air. "Ben sent me to come and get you, while the secret plan was to go ahead and kill you. Yeah, that's right … someone over in Ben Village would like nothing better than to see you in the ground - _literally_. "

"But I decided to give you a break. So, I put you on a plane to California. "

Her blank look angered him. " You stupid girl! You were getting what you wanted. I was taking you to your daddy. Your _real_ daddy. Doin a good deed and what'd it get me? Nearly killed in a plane crash and this … "

He yanked the tail of his checkered shirt from his belt, revealing a dark red mark charred into his side, and then sneered. "That's_ right_. They marked me and threw me out on my ass! I went from Ben's right hand man to a pile of crap on the ground! And I have _you _to thank for that … _so here I am _… repaying the favor. "

"Doin_ what I shoulda done in the first place_. "

He grasped the rifle with both hands, and raised it to his shoulder. "Now, turn around … _and on your knees_. "

She looked him over. She was terrified, but felt sorry for him in some fraction. His plight was worse than hers. He had become a man tormented by bitterness and the need for revenge. He might kill her, but he would be this way for the rest of his life. The killing part would only serve to exasperate his agony.

She locked eyes with him. "No …I'm not gonna do that."

"Oh, I'll get on my knees … But if you're gonna shoot me, you're not gonna shoot me in the back. You're gonna look me in the face. "

She had no idea where she'd found the courage to make such a bold statement, as her limbs were trembling and heart pounding. She placed one knee and felt the mud squishing around it as she brought the other one down. She kept her eyes on him, holding her head up as the rain streaked her face, dripping from her chin as well as her hair. Droplets bounced around her eyelashes.

"Fine then, " He relinquished. " _We'll do it your way_. "

She had been here before, not that long ago. Jude had knocked Sayid unconscious and left him out in the jungle, while he attempted to drag her off insisting he only wanted to take her home. The last time was a taser … this time it was a gun. What is it that they say, life mimics art? _Perhaps sometimes life mimics dreams._

He took a few steps toward her, grinning wickedly … "Well … _while we're at it _… I might as well give you a secret you'll take to your grave. Think of it as a …" (Snicker) "… a little parting gift. "

He bent down, whispering in her ear, "Wanna know who your daddy _really_ is? "

He whispered a name, stood up straight with a wry smirk, and walked a pace or two away, turned around and drew the gun to his chin.

"Are you afraid yet? "

She deliberately raised her eyes to his, face expressing a disconcerting calm as she responded. "No. "

"You can pull that trigger … and I'll die. "

"But_ I'll die free_. "

Her stomach turned knot after knot on itself, in spite of her words. She had only agreed to kneel knowing that if she'd remained standing, she would have fallen from the weakness in her limbs. But she would not let him see the terror inside. She would not let him have it. So, she breathed, letting the fear out with each exhale.

_Don't forget to count_

Within a few breaths, calm settled through her. It lifted her body upright, holding her head up. She felt as though she were floating, while a familiar melody rose from within. " _Now I understand … What you tried to say to me … And how you struggled for your sanity … How you tried to set them free … They didn't listen they did not know how … Perhaps they'll listen now_. "

She hadn't thought of it since she'd awoken in the Hydra …not until this moment. Now I was as clear as if someone were there singing it, drowning out the sound of the rain spattering. She looked at him aim from just a yard or so away, as if watching a movie.

"Well, you're right on two things at least. " He said. "I'm going to pull this trigger …. And you _are_ gonna die. "

He slid the chamber and cocked the rifle; she closed her eyes with the sound of the pouring rain enveloping her. Squared her shoulders, took a deep breath and counted as she heard him say, "See ya in another life**********************. " **


	36. Returning

_**Chapter 36: Returning **_

The rain was a slow drizzle spattering the ground. Sarah's knees settled deep into the mud while she cast her gaze into the barrel of the rifle, cocked and ready to send her to her grave. She was not ready. She was not ready to have it all end like this. She did not want to die!

What a revelation to have kneeling at the end of it!

As if responding, one single rifle shot cut her thoughts. Her eyes slammed shut as it echoed above the rain and thunder. She had prepared herself for either searing pain or instant death. Still, she could not control the jolt it sent through her.

_Was she dead?_

There was a clattering, a thud to her left and then another rifle blast accompanied by a whiz past her left side. She remained frozen, waiting for death to rush in swiftly. Instead, she was left kneeling in three-inch mud, ears ringing and eyes clenched, fearful of opening them.

She knelt, uncertain of what would happen next. _If she wanted to open her eyes. _Was this another game? She shivered at the thought that perhaps he would play with her before killing her. Torment her.

Death she could handle. It would be a quick blast of pain, and then over. She might not even feel the pain at all, but to be toyed with, beleaguered like a cat messing with his prey before eating it, would be difficult to endure.

The ringing in her ears nearly drowned the other sounds around her, though she felt a presence. Someone stood over her, moving down to her side. She flipped her eyes open while jerking her head up and instinctively flew backwards on her palms and heels. The quick movement aggravated a sudden surge of pain in her arm. She winced while recoiling her hand, grabbing her arm, and landing with a squish into the mud. She breathed hard, staring up. _Oh God, what was he going to do now?  
_

Her chest heaved deep heavy breaths. She blinked. Water dropped from dark curls, and deep brown eyes stared at her under thick brows. He had squatted down beside her, dropping his rifle, and touched her shoulder.

" It's just a graze. " Sayid said, referring to the bloody gash in her left arm. "You're very lucky … The gun went off when it landed, and the stray bullet could have just as easily killed you. "

Staring dazedly, she struggled to hear past the noise in her head. "What? "

She sat with her butt in the mud, staring, and then flicked her eyes around trying to make sense of it. Glancing to the left, Jude's gun also lie in the mud, pointing in her general direction. She lifted her eyes catching sight of Jude crumpled on the sparse grass. She blinked, with mouth open.

Sayid had shot him. Unfortunately, because Jude's gun was cocked, it released the bullet and just grazed her arm. That was the whizzing sound she'd heard. Sayid probably thought she would have moved quickly, but she was not even aware that Jude was down. She stared at his motionless body crumpled on his side,and then turned to Sayid. Swept in a wave of emotion, she suddenly threw herself in his arms.

She had lost herself in the moment, forgetting proper etiquette and boundaries. She had faced Jude alone the first time around. Sayid had not rescued her. This time, though he did not even know her, he had woken from the gun butt, and bolted through the jungle to save her.

She raised her eyes, cathcing a glimpse of Sun standing just a few feet away observing with a half surprised, half amused expression, and snapped back to reality. She was embracing a man who not only did not know who she was, but hadn't determined if she were friend or foe.

The act had taken him by surprise, yet he hadn't the time to respond before she quickly withdrew from him apologizing timidly. " I'm sorry … I … "

She was cut off by a smirk, while he took her arm in his hands. He reached a hand to his waist and took the end of his tank, tugging it over his head until he was shirtless, and then ripped it in half.

"This will have to suffice until we can wash and rewrap it. " He said, after winding the shirt around her wound and then standing. He brought her with him, to her feet. She wobbled, and then nodded.

"Well, " He observed in an almost jovial manner, "It appears you have a fan club. "

She was too distracted to recognize his attempt at lightening the mood. Hardly listening, her eyes strayed to the lifeless lump that was Jude. Her feet took on a life of their own, making small cautious steps to where he lie, until she was gazing down over him, immersed in a tide of emotion.

An eerie feeling crawled along her skin noting his open eyes. There was no life in them, yet they stared out, a clear blue, from under his brows nonetheless. She couldn't help but wonder was this were truly the end of him, or would he somehow jump up from the grave once more to taunt her?

She let out an exasperated sigh. She had spent her life trying to escape, only to end up in the mud with a gun to her head. And now, staring at his corpse on the ground, she could not help but feel a little let down. Her struggling continued leaving her empty handed and wanting.

She had only a handful of cheerful memories consisting of cereal with marshmallows, tickles and laughter to push her forward, giving her something to hope for. And regardless of how willing she had been to keep going, to continue to fight and labor, to reach for it with all that she had, the more hope pulled back.

Is this what she had been fighting for? Was this all that there was? She dragged her eyes away from him and turned them to Sayid. He had been watching her with careful consideration. She closed her eyes and let her thoughts run; unaware of what explosive emotion was buried within. "Is this what it's like out here too? Is this what I've been fighting so hard for? How is this any different? Different from being locked up? Either way, it's still prison. It's still somebody trying to make you do something you don't wanna do, or trying to kill you. "

It began small, this bit of rage crawling out of her, and gained momentum with each syllable until it tumbled out of her in desperate tones. Her foot released and gave Jude a hard kick. Suddenly, she was swinging her leg back and forth, kicking and yelling. "I hate you! I hate all of you for what you did! Why?! "

She would have never admitted it, but the anger felt good. To finally release what had been confined for so long. She had challenged Ben before, but in small words and actions. Now she was unloading without reservation. Sayid called her name, but she ignored him eventually kicking Jude over on his back. "It's not fair! It's not right! "

"It's just not right! " She spat, red-faced and snorting.

Sayid strode to her in large deliberate steps yelling "Sarah! "

It happened quickly. Something grasped her ankle, and the next thing she knew, she hit the ground hard on her butt. She yanked her leg back only to have her ankle gripped tighter. Jude was alive, and hanging onto her with every bit of strength left in him!

She cried out, grunting while frantically kicking at him with the other leg, pulling her foot back as hard as she could. She grasped air with her hand, eventually digging her fingers in the thick mud trying to pull herself away.

_She had not expected him to return from the grave so soon!_

Sayid reached them in several strides, threw his leg out and slammed the bottom of his shoe into Judes head. He grabbed Sarah and pulled her back, setting her on her feet, keeping an eye on Jude. Sarah stared down at him wide-eyed, breathing hard, nostrils flaring.

Sayid turned to her, with a scowl. "Jin is still out there. You may either remain here, or come with us. Either way, we do not have the luxury of time to stand here while you play with a corpse. "

She glanced over his shoulder at Sun, who had moved in a few steps closer, watching them. Sarah dropped her eyes and nodded. This is why she had risked everything to escape after all. To help save Sun's life. Now she may have cost Jins his.

At least he had given her a choice, to remain there or go with him and Sun, providing her some small flicker of encouragement. She dropped her head and answered weakly. "I'm sorry. "

One last glance at Jude sent shivers through her. She knew what Sayid was capable of, but she had never seen it - aside from her dreams. He had been swift and chillingly deliberate. He placed a hand on her back and turned her around. (Not before he'd lifted Jude's rifle. )

They made their way some distance from Jude, and then stopped long enough for Sayid to question Sun. He wanted to know what had transpired prior to him and Sun appearing from out of the jungle. Sun explained that when she and Jin had awoken in the night and found the two of them missing, they began searching. She had walked ahead, calling their names. When she turned to ask him a question, he was gone.

She called for him, turning back to search and was greeted by Jude instead. He held her at gunpoint, forced her to continue walking forward and call out for Sarah and Sayid. She didn't know what had become of Jin.

Sayid prompted Sun to lead him to the place where she had last seen him. The three of them scoured the area, fearing the worst … hoping for the best. Sun seemed to sense her guilt and gave Sarah a look that said she didn't blame her. She was grateful for it, but the burden remained.

Sayid called them to the spot he had been carefully inspecting. "There are broken branches here. In addition, I believe this is from Jin's shirt. "

He drew a small piece of fabric from a limb and handed it to Sun. She took it hesitantly, and then nodded in agreement. It did come from Jin's shirt. Sarah noted the concerned expression in her eyes and drowning in her own sadness, hoped that Jude had not harmed him.

"I don't think Jude … " She stammered in an attempt to say something positive. " If he had done anything, he wouldn't have been so … he would have just said it, instead of toying with us. "

The words sounded better in her head. Here was Sun, frightened for her husband, worried that she might not see him alive, and Sarah was awkwardly trying to offer comfort succeeding only to upset her further. Sun didn't say anything, but Sarah noticed her clenched jaw and tightened muscles. Sayid shot her a warning glance and she said nothing more.

Sun began calling for Jin, moving forward in a quicker pace, her voice growing more strained until they heard something that made them all halt in their place. It was a rustling noise just ahead.

Sayid readied his rifle, holding it up and over his shoulder as he stepped in front of the two women, slinking through the underbrush. He motioned for them to remain a short distance from him while he scouted forwards. A few seconds later, he stood straight, turned his head backwards and called them, motioning with his hand.

Sun frantically ran ahead of Sarah and in just a few steps more, she discovered why.

Jin was curled up on the ground, gagged, with his hands and feet tied together. Sarah sighed thankfully when she saw him. It seemed as though the only person Jude had been interested in killing was herself, and oddly enough, she was glad of it.

Apparently, Jude had snagged Jin from behind, when Sun was looking elsewhere, holding him at gunpoint and forcing him deeper into the jungle. He then knocked him unconscious with the butt of the gun and left him gagged and tied. He had also taken Jins gun.

After talking for some time in the wooded area, the three of them agreed that they should continue moving towards the camp. If they started now, they would make it there before sundown. Otherwise, they would spend yet another night in the jungle, and all of them had had their fill of the jungle for a while.

Sayid took up the lead, Sarah and Sun walked behind him. Jin fell to the rear. The sun was high now and beating on them full force. They passed through underbrush and several clearings on their way. Sarah glanced over to Sun, feeling a lingering sting of guilt.

" I'm sorry. " She said.

Sun glanced back curiously and responded. "What for? "

Her head dropped down, and then back up. "It was my fault. You would all be back on the beach by now if it weren't for me. "

"Oh. " Sun nodded. "No, if it hadn't been for you, I might not be alive. You can't blame yourself for everything. "

Her words nearly brought tears to her eyes. She hadn't expected forgiveness, or understanding. Sarah smiled gratefully and turned her head forward at the sound of waves crashing on the shore. Her heart skipped taking in a long beautiful breath of warm salty air. They stepped out of the jungle into soft warm sand.

Spread out before them was a soft white beach that faded into the crystal blue ocean. Sarah gaze upon it as if it were a long lost friend, caught up in emotion. Everything was eerily exactly how she had remembered it. From the shore, to the tents that dotted the sand.

Her heart smiled with satisfaction. She had proven him wrong again. _No Ben … THIS is real! _

Sayid turned to Sun and asked her for first aide supplies. She nodded in agreement, and trudged towards the camp, which was buzzing with activity.

Not far from Sun, a yellow dot of sand bounced towards them. Sarah knew the insatiable barking and watched with amusement. Vincent was bounding cross the beach. He passed Sun, then Sayid and stopped with a quick jolt at Sarah's feet, turning around in circles and whining as if welcoming a missed friend.

Sun had stopped for a moment turning around, and watched with surprise as Sarah grinned warmly and knelt, happy to be greeted with recognition. She did not question it, but rather took his head between her hands. He ran a long wet tongue across her cheek, while whining. She laughed, scritched his ears and greeted him with an open smile.

" Hey Vincent. "


	37. Another Moment in Time

_**Chapter 37 - Another Moment in Time**_

**Sarah settled into the warm sand, drawing her knees under her chin and enjoyed the bubbles of water foaming over her feet, while the sun dissolved into a dream sickle puddle of pink and orange into the glossy sea. It was so beautiful and peaceful that she could not help feeling just a twinge of fear she might wake up and find that this too was a dream.**

**Though curious eyes had witnessed her reunion with Vincent, no one questioned her when she had bent down and called him by name. He'd plopped his back end down into the sand, and leaned his body against her legs, pressing his head into her hand as she rubbed his ears. **

**Sayid led Sarah to his tent after receiving the first aide kit from Sun, cleaned and dressed her wound and then scrounged for tarp, blankets and other supplies. He had left her there, after conversing with Charlie and Hurley. They had spoken with Sun and Jin, and had come to greet and fill him in on what had happened since he'd set out on his reconnaissance mission.**

**Major changes had occurred in his absence. The first being that apparently, Locke and Eko had a falling out, which led to a malfunction in the hatch. Locke refused to enter the codes in the computer, insisting that he had been wrong all along and the whole thing was nothing more than a game or an experiment. Nothing would happen when the timer counted to zero and life would go on as it always had. He enlisted Desmond to accompany him while he managed to prevent Eko's re entrance and eventually destroyed the computer leaving no other option apart from one very risky course of action. **

**Desmond carried with him a failsafe key. He had obtained it during the time he'd manned the hatch alone, long before flight 815 had ever crashed. The failsafe key existed on the dire chance that something might go wrong and hence prevent them from entering the codes. If this occurred, he would then need to follow the tunnel under the hatch to a small area where he would then place the key, turn it and release the failsafe. Desmond knew what to do, but he was never told what would happen once he did it. **

**In the meantime, Eko had managed to convince Charlie to help him talk Locke down in hopes he would release the blast doors and allow him entrance once more. **

**In a last ditch effort, Eko set off explosives in the hatch hoping to blow the doors open, unaware of Desmond turning the failsafe key down below. **

**The hatch imploded on itself and then exploded, even blowing the hatch door miles in the air before plummeting down nearly killing Claire. Fortunately, Bernard, Roses husband, pushed her from its path saving both she and the baby. **

**Sayid nodded with awareness. This was the source of the violet light they had seen from the sailboat. The large piece of metal that had been flung above their heads and then landing on the beach once more was the quarantine sign they'd found when they first discovered the hatch - long before Sarah had been there. Sarah's eyes widened while listening carefully, her heart beating fiercely, hearing herself speak anxiously. "Is Locke okay? "**

**Charlie looked her over then answered. "Well, he lost his voice for a time … but he's just cheery now. "  
**

**He cocked his dirty blond head to the side, and eyed her curiously. "Who are you? "**

**Sayid glanced at Sarah, then back at Charlie. " This is Sarah. She's okay. "**

**"Sarah, eh? " He repeated, giving her another look-over.**

**"Right. " Hurley said, "Look dude, Eko was missing for a while, but Locke found him in the hole where the hatch used to be. One of the bears dragged him in there. He's messed up pretty bad, man. He's just lyin there, hasn't even woken up yet. "  
**

**Sarah stood in the sand, watching the three of them disappear over a hill. She could not help but cast a stray thought Jack's way wondering if he would cooperate with Ben and do whatever surgery he had been asked to perform. Tom, the man Ben had tasered, had commented that Juliet wasn't a spinal surgeon. Did that mean that Ben needed spinal surgery? **

**She shook the thought from her mind, turning her attention to finishing her tent, afterwards meandering across the beach. Vincent joined Sarah by the shoreline. He lay next to her, bumping her knees with his nose until she crossed her legs and he lay his head in her lap. She smiled, running her fingers along his face and between his eyes. Comforted in the fact that at least _someone_ welcomed her without questions and without suspicion. He had accepted her.**

**She'd been sitting for a length of time, staring out over the ocean, until the sun had almost completely melted into the sea, and the first hint of stars were beginning to dot the evening sky. She and Vincent sat together, quietly enjoying one another's company.**

**Sarah glanced up, when Vincent lifted his head, and noticed a figure moving across the sand in her direction. Once closer, she recognized the curvy figure and smiled to herself. It was time to meet Rose … _again_.**

**"Sun said you'd be here. " Rose greeted her. "You must be Sarah … I'm Rose. "**

******Vincent stretched himself, while Sarah stood up and smiled. "Yea, that's me. "  
**

******She was carrying a brown paper bag filled with clothes. She smiled and continued.**

******"Well, I brought you these. It's not a lot, but you're welcome to them. We have more and you can look over some of that tomorrow if you'd like. "  
**

**"****Well, I ... " She stumbled. " Thank you. "**

******"Oh it's nothing dear. " She said. "Are you okay? Is there anything I can do for you? "**

******Sarah could hardly respond. A random act of kindness that humbled her. Then she thought of her first meeting with Rose. It was in practically the same spot, close to Sayid's tent. Sarah was struck by her warm smile and gentleness. She remembered the story Rose had told her of how everyone around her thought Bernard was dead, but she never gave up hope that she would be reunited with him one day. Yes, when Rose was around, Sarah found it easy to have hope.**

******"I'm okay for now. " She said. "But I should go put these away. " **

**"****Oh of course. " Rose answered her, following her to her newly setup tent. "Also, we'll need to show you where to go get cleaned up. If there's anything you need you just let me know. "**

******Rose chattered quite amiably while explaining that she was also married to a man named Bernard. Sarah smiled. She already knew this, but let her carry on anyway while making her way to the inside of the tent. She found a pair of calf length, tan pants and an army green top that fit and gladly changed into them, discarding the mud-caked clothes she'd been wearing for three or four days. She also uncovered a few pairs of socks and one pair of white sneakers. She had already washed her hair earlier in a pail of water, using a bottle of shampoo Sayid had brought her, and now it was tied into a ball on the back of her head. **

******She stepped out of the tent, feeling somewhat better, and smiled while listening to Rose. Her voice soon faded, however, while Sarah's attention drew elsewhere. An odor had made its way in, burning her nose. She turned her head, eyes narrowed. "Rose, do you smell that? "**

******She nodded. "Actually, I do … It smells like something burning. "**

******Sarah turned her head inland and caught sight of a large amber glow and black puffy smoke rising from the ground. "Something's on fire! "**

**********She kicked her heels in the dirt, running towards the smoke with Rose trudging behind her, watching the flames flicker up over the hill. The sun had completely disappeared now into the evening sky, illuminated by orange flame shooting up pillars of thick smoke. Once they reached eyesight of it, they discovered the source was a tent in flames. **

**********Sarah blinked as the stinging smoke hit her eyes, and coughed. Several shadows of people were running in and out of the area around it, hurling sand into it. She recognized Charlie and Hurley's figures moving around in the front. She did not see Sayid She jerked her head back and forth, thoughtlessly moving in closer.**

**********"Honey, these boys have got this. " Rose placed a hand around her wrist. **

**********Sarah flipped back around with a look of desperation. "But I … "**

**********Rose gave her a motherly look of disapproval and then studied the fire mumbling. **

******"****This is Eko's tent. "  
**

**********She turned when she heard her name. Bernard was trudging through the sand, calling her. Sarah looked at him and cocked her head a little. He was a soft spoken, older gentleman with grey hair and a pale wrinkly face, which was even more wrinkled from the worry that lined his brow. She knew of him, but had not met him the first time around. **

**********"Rose, I've been looking everywhere for you. " He said. **

**********Rose just looked at him and then answered. "Well, I've been right here. Sarah and I saw the fire from the beach. " **

**********Bernard gave Sarah a look over until Rose frowned. "Bernard, meet Sarah. Remember? Honey, I told you Sun had given me some clothes for her and I went over to say hello. " **

**********Bernard simply nodded halfheartedly while focusing on the action spread out before them. Sarah had lost interest in the conversation as well, drawn to another point of interest. She had caught sight of Locke who had run across the beach, to be met halfway by Charlie. Sarah heard them mention Eko's name. Charlie pointed to the spot where'd they'd lain him, but he was gone. Charlie called his name.**

**********She gazed at Locke thoughtfully. He was leaning on his hip wearing a pair of tanned baggy pants and an army green t-shirt. She flicked her eyes to her own pants momentarily, shook her head and then looked up. He leaned in a little while talking with Charlie. She watched with interest, letting her mind drift off to another moment in time. **

**********She could taste the dry cereal crunching between her teeth while Locke sat opposite of her in the booth, the towel hanging over his neck and she recalled the poignant conversation. One she had forgotten about until now.**

**********_"You know, California. " He said. "It's very different from the rest of the country. Supposedly, everybody who's anybody lives there. If I had to guess, I'd say you might be from ..."_**

**********_" I dunno. " She answered._**

**********_He raised an eyebrow. "You don't know what part of California you're from? "_**

**********_"I … moved around a lot. I don't really remember where I'm from originally. "_**

**********_"I see. " He scooped up the empty bowl and tossed it in the garbage. "Well, maybe we were neighbors once. Wouldn't that be a small world? "  
_**

**********Sarah nodded absentmindedly thinking … _A small world indeed_. When her eyes raised again, it was Sayid who had caught her searching gaze. He had noticed her there, exchanged glances and then nodded off to two of the people who'd been helping him put out the fire. Sarah watched him making his way over, with an elbow cupped in her hand, while biting a fingernail on the other. He looked rather surprised to see her. **

**********He turned his head and gave her a glance, once he reached them, and then greeted Rose and Bernard. Sarah gave a quick, nearly shy smile and looked down.**

**********"I'm so glad to see you well Sayid. " Rose said. "You and the others. But it's terrible news about Jack, Kate and Sawyer. "**

**********Sayid gave a short nod then answered, "Yes … well, we are working on that. "**

**********He gave Sarah a look that said he was not pleased to find her standing there. "What are you doing here? "**

**********Sarah opened her mouth, but it was Rose who responded. "Well, we saw the fire from her tent, and came to see what was happening. "**

**********He looked at Rose and then shifted his eyes over to Sarah with the faintest trace of a smirk. "Ah … worried then? "**

**********Sarah's mouth popped open, then her eyes quickly flashed to the ground. "No … I … "**

**************Rose and Bernard flashed glances between the two of them, and then at each other, then Rose spoke up. "Well … We were just heading back. " **

**************Bernard echoed her, and then they both turned, leaving the two of them standing alone. Sayid eyed Sarah, who couldn't bring her eyes to his, and shifted his weight. She nervously brushed her feet across the sand, and then glanced up, thankful to see Locke and Charlie strolling towards them. They looked a bit odd walking side by side. Charlie wasn't a tall man by any means. He looked like a boy with a beard and scruffy blondish hair. Locke towered over him, his t-shirt looked like it could use some washing.**

**************"Thanks Sayid. " Locke said, shifting a glance to Sarah. "Do I know you? "**

**************Charlie smiled one of his quirky grins and blurted. "Oh that's Sayid's friend. "**

**************Sarah rolled her eyes and chewed in the side of her mouth while she heard his words in her head. **

**************"Sayid's_ friend. _"**

**************Sayid shook his head and responded. "This is Sarah. "**

**************Locke gave a slow nod and smiled. "Oh, well …Hi Sarah. "  
**

**************Sarah returned his smile awkwardly, studying his eyes. Crystal blue, and very alert. **

**************His baldhead reflected the light around them, and she wondered what color hair he might have had when he was younger. Her thoughts should have stopped there, but she found herself wondering even more, pondering what event could have left him in a wheel chair, and what brought him out of it ? **

**************Charlie flicked his eyes between them. " You two use the same taylor? "**

**************Sarah's mouth twitched ineptly, aware of the fact that she and Locke were wearing practically the same colored cloths - tan pants and green tops - but said nothing, noting that Locke had noticed as well. A painful moment of silence ensued, and then Sayid stared at Charlie, who shrugged. **

**************"Right …well, now that we're done with the introductions … What are we going to do about Eko? "  
**

**************Sayid turned his head. "I suppose we'll need to rebuild him a tent. But we will need to find a place for him until then. "**

**************Charlie shook his head. "Not gonna happen. I mean, how are we going to find him? "**

**************Sayid's brows turned in questioning him, while flicking a look over to Locke, returning it to Charlie who explained. Sayid must have been too busy to notice. Once the three of them had turned and discovered the fire, Charlie and Hurley retrieved Eko from the tent while Sayid, joined by others fought it with piles of sand. **

**************Charlie and Hurley dragged him as far as the could and then lay him on the ground. Charlie turned to meet Locke, and to explain what had happened. When they turned back, Echo was gone.**

**************By this time, Hurley had meandered his way to them. He slid in between Sarah and Charlie, glancing around at the four of them, and then back at Charlie. "Dude, what are you talking about? Eko was way out of it. He couldn't a just walked off! "**

**************  
Charlie shifted his eyes upwards and frowned, then answered. "Fine then. Go look for yourself. Eko's gone. "  
**

**************Hurley shook disbelievingly, turned his head, and gave a startled expression. **

**************Eko was not where they had laid him just moments before. He stared shortly and then turned to the group rambling. **

**********"****Eko's gone? That's messed up! Dude, that is just not possible. " **

**************Sayid gave a long hard stare into the jungle, as if he were peering through the trees for miles. He cut his eyes to Hurley and answered.**

**************"Apparently it is. "**


	38. Don't Forget the Water

_**Chapter 38 - Don't forget the Water**_

As the ocean gently rocked, firelight glowed warmly from the beach, lighting up what would have otherwise been a drearily dark night. There was little motion within the camp; the only chatter was that of the night creatures: namely crickets and the occasional tree frog.

Sarah lay under the cover of her newly raised tent, staring at the tarp ceiling above of her, listening to the sound of the tide crashing onto the beach and the cool breeze that snuck in through the halfway open slit of an entrance. She should have been sleeping, but every time she closed her eyes, they fluttered open.

It was only now, in the quiet of the night, that she could even begin to consider that moment kneeling in the mud, when she stared into the barrel of Jude's gun. Rain pouring down her face and over her eyes. How his own eyes had burned through her with such callous apathy. The memory shuddered her. Needless to say, it was a difficult thing to process.

" Yeah, that's right … someone over in Ben Village would like nothing better than to see you in the ground - literally. "

She sighed and rolled over, hoping the change of position would help or perhaps just focusing on the in and out sway of tide would be enough to lull her into slumber. She closed her eyes once more, letting the call of the tide draw her.

She was in the early drifting stages when her eyes flipped open at the snap of a twig. Lying still for a moment, and watching alertly, revealed a shadow passing by her tent. She sat up with a jerk, and stared, then raised herself. Her heart thumped inside her ears as she held her breath and crept to the entrance, slinking along the side.

A blur of yellow startled her into a quick yip and a jump. She then recognized the four-legged animal while stammering. "Oh God, Vincent. You scared the hell out of me! "

Vincent only stared up with big brown eyes, tongue flopping through his open mouth, and then whined, nudging her with his nose. She shook her head, petting him and then sighed as if submitting to defeat - she would not sleep tonight. Instead, she poked her head into the night air and stepped out into the oddly quiet camp.

She perched on a stump, just outside of her tent, with Vincent by her side and scanned the area as if she expected someone to jump out, grab her and drag her back to the Hydra where she'd have to face Ben and whatever punishment he'd have in store for disobeying him.

He could not have his people questioning his authority.

This is why she couldn't sleep. She had managed to escape one more time from under his thumb and now she feared he would reach out his elastic arm and drag her back in again. Ben was smart enough to know where she would go running to … as much as she had spoken about Sayid and the others.

She looked down finding the strip of photographs held tightly between her fingers. She'd unconsciously slid her hand in her pocket and taken it out. She gazed at it wistfully, running a finger along the series of childish photographs, and sighed, staring over the horizon, past the sand to where the sky met the ocean. Somewhere under that ocean, Jack was probably sleeping in his fish tank, unaware that she was near. Unaware of her existence. Would he even remember her after so many years?

"What are you doing? " Sayid's voice startled her.

She jerked her head towards him, eyes wide, nearly crying out and then relaxed. "I … you startled me. "

He studied her for a moment then responded. "I see that. It was not my intention. "

She turned her head once again and gazed out over the sand towards the water, dipping her eyes back down to the picture. " I don't sleep much. At least I haven't for a while now. "

She blinked, smiled and nodded. " I heard a noise. But it turned out to be Vincent. "

He'd moved nearer while she spoke and casually lowered himself in the sand beside her, glancing at Vincent. She raised her head, and caught him looking at the photograph, but he wasn't asking any questions. She ran her thumb across it, staring down at it. She could not fathom telling him half of the answers she knew he must have been looking to hear. Even so, be it this Sayid or the other one, his presence gave her a sense of calm and she began to ponder aloud.

"Do people ever feel safe Sayid? The people out there … beyond this place? Out there in the real world? Do they feel safe? "

She met his eyes only enough to see that he was sitting quietly listening to her words and watching her face. She continued pensively.

"Or is it normal to spend your whole life being afraid? "

His eyes never moved while listening. It was odd how he did that, but this was one of his idiosyncrasies. Most people look at you and they look away and then look back at you again, but he would sit still and straight, staring directly at you while you poured your heart out.

He didn't respond as if sensing that her question was not necessarily one she wanted answered, but more of a pondering one. The question of someone trying to work things out in her own mind. The words came painfully.

"There was a time; before I ever came here … It was just this very small moment that I thought I was safe. I had a home, and then it was gone … "

She shrugged. "Then I was here. It was so long ago, I nearly forgot it. "

She gave a nervous laugh. " And then for another brief second, after all these years, I found it again. And I felt safe and I thought I'd found home again. And there was someone. Someone who made me start to believe … "

Her eyes strayed to his … "Someone who I … "

She dropped her head. "... But then I woke up and saw it was just one long dream. "

" Just a stupid dream. "

Vincent rolled his eyes up to her as if he understood her words, and tossed his big yellow head into her lap. She rubbed his ear between her fingers, and then glanced over to Sayid.

"But it's the only thing that's kept me alive. It's a dream I can't forget. "

"Here. " She handed the picture to him. He was hesitant at first, but then received it, holding it gently in his hand and studying the different frames.

"You can probably already guess … the girl is me. " She said.

He nodded slowly while she continued. "And the boy … the boy is Jack. "

Sayid raised his eyes. "Jack? "

" As in Jack " She repeated "… Yes. "

He drew his eyebrows in as if concentrating really hard and rephrased the question.

"You're telling me this is a photograph of yourself … and Jack Sheppard? "

She teared up, choking on her words. "Yes, Sayid. That's what I'm telling you. "

She cleared her throat, aware of how strange it was to see the picture in Sayid's hands. She was telling him something she had not really discussed with anyone. And he was there listening, trying to grasp her words. She explained further.

"I knew there had to be some reason Ben took me to him. But Jack … He either doesn't remember me or didn't recognize me, and I ... I didn't remember, not until I found this. "

He let the pictures hang from his fingers as he looked up at her, elbows rested on his knees.

"What are you talking about? "

She shook her head, picturing Jack standing behind the glass wall, staring at her like a stranger. Her body remembering the painful electric jolts surging through it. She was right. Ben knew exactly what he was doing. Though she had no idea at the time how important Jack had been to her even before the island, and Jack didn't recognize her, Ben had gotten some small satisfaction in knowing that he'd be breaking her by putting them right under each others noses and toying with them without either of them really fully understanding.

"Ben likes games. " She answered. "He uses games to control you. "

"Is this what he did to you? "

She blinked, flicking her head to the side, face hot with emotion, and then stood up, running her hand through her hair. She clenched her eyes, blew out air, and then turned back around. Sayid had also raised himself to his feet and moved a few steps towards her. She shook her head, unable to hold back the sudden rush of emotion.

"He tasered me! " She blurted. "He told me he'd planted some device in Jack and he wanted me to activate it by pushing this … this … button. If I didn't, he'd taser me. Well, I didn't. I didn't do what he wanted me to do, so he tasered me. Over and over ... "

They stood facing one another for a few minutes while she fought back sobs. He leaned to one side a little, with arms to his sides and responded softly.

"I'm sorry. "

She could see him there, holding the taser in his hand, demanding with his controlled tone. Jack looking between them as if a spectator, not realizing he was more a part of it than he could fathom. Then he asked her to do it … begged her to hurt him rather than have Ben hurt her. Maybe there was some small part of Jack that knew. Perhaps on some very small level, even hidden to him.

It must have given Ben great satisfaction. There they were, the two of them unaware. Yet, he was completely aware. This revelation served to bring her to a deeper level of loathing.

"He knew! " She cried. "He knew what he was doing! I didn't remember Jack from when we were kids. I didn't know! But He did and it made him happy to mess with us that way. "

"He enjoyed it! "

Sayid opened his mouth, but her emotions had gotten the better of her. She wished she could talk to the Sayid who knew her. The one she had already gotten past the introductions with. If he were that Sayid, she could melt in his arms and not be afraid of what he might think of her. She took a couple of steps back, wide eyed and riveted by her own words.

"I …I'm sorry. " She whispered through a flush of embarrassment.

She couldn't look at him. She turned her face without giving him a chance to respond, and slid into her tent, leaving him staring, just outside, at the opening. She lay on her side under the blankets, hands under her head, squeezing tears between her closed eyes.

She had not meant to lash out at him. The memories were so powerful, and all so very hurtful. They angered her, but her anger was tempered by the part that was still frightened and timid, vulnerable. She'd been rendered this vulnerability from the moment she had opened her mouth exposing herself. This was not something that came easy nor without trepidation.

Thoughts racing through her head, she clenched her eyes, and breathed slow, drawn out breaths aiming to calm herself. She felt a thump by her leg and jerked up finding that Vincent had dropped down by her, curled up and seemed to be content to rest there.

Sayid's shadow darkened the entrance, but he didn't go in. Vincent raised his head as if anticipating his entry. He stood there for a moment, and then disappeared, returning to his own tent.

Morning came so quickly she hardly realized she had slept. She rose lazily, noting that Vincent must have wandered off for either food, water or something more entertaining than a sleeping woman. After rummaging through the clothes, she found a deep wine colored tunic and a pair of beige pants. Giving a long hard stare towards Sayid's tent, she resolved to deliver the remaining clothes to Sun. (These were the ones that didn't fit.)

It was odd how much of the beach was the same as she had remembered, and yet certain parts were so different. They'd put together a makeshift kitchen complete with silverware and dishes. The kitchen was stocked with all of the food that had been gathered, either through the fruit trees or the remaining loot from the food drop.

They had evolved into a little island community with everyone pitching in as best they could. There was a place to get fresh water, hauled in daily from a spring in nearby caves. Jin and a few others had become very successful in fishing and Desmond had taken to boar hunting - so she had heard.

Sun invited her to breakfast. Sarah accepted with gratitude, thankful for the inclusion. They chatted while picking over a variety of fruits and cereals while greeting other people and then opted to stand around the end of the wooden table while eating.

Sun asked her about the fire and Sarah filled her in on the parts that she was familiar with, including the fact that Mr. Eko had gotten up after he'd been carried safely away and disappeared.

Sun was surprised by this and together they speculated as to what may have happened to him and if he indeed had gotten up and walked away … or if something else had occurred. Perhaps one of the others had dragged him away when no one was looking. Sun described an incident that occurred once while working in her garden. She was busy pulling weeds when one of the others crept up behind her. He had thrown a bag over her head and dragged her through the mud. She wasn't certain if something had frightened him off or if there were another reason, but he abruptly left her there.

This, of course, did not sit right with Sarah. She took a plate of fruit along with a bowl of oatmeal, but merely fiddled with it to the point that Sun bluntly asked her if something were wrong. Sarah shrugged. Of course, there was something wrong. She was beginning to wonder if there would ever be a time that nothing would be wrong. When she could sit lounging around completely bored.

Sun studied her and then lowered her tone. "I didn't tell him. "

Sarah looked at her oddly. "Tell who what? "

Sun pulled in her lips, and then smiled. "That night on the boat. I didn't tell Sayid you asked about him. Although I have wondered. "

She jerked her head slightly. She had nearly forgotten about that, but apparently, Sun had not. Accordingly, neither had she really thought about what to say should the subject arise. She was at a loss for words.

Luckily, Sun's attention was diverted, casting a gaze over Sarah's shoulder. Sarah turned and saw Locke walking towards the kitchen and then passed she and Sun. Sayid and Desmond were close behind. By this time, Charlie and Hurley had found their way to the kitchen as well. Charlie proceeded to chop up pieces of fruit, while Hurley turned his head curiously at Locke making an announcement. They were heading off to the Pearl Station in order to explore a computer there that might help their people and asked if anyone wanted to come along.

"What do you mean anybody wanna come along? " Hurley asked, eyeing Locke suspiciously.

Locke set his pack on the wooden table and loaded it with a bottle of water, answering matter of factly. "I mean, if you'd like to join us, it's a free island. "

" Yyyea … See … Jack would go and do stuff alone. Or he'd take Sayid or Kate. " Hurley said watching Locke shove a hefty orange in his pack.

Locke turned to him and smiled. " Yea, well … I'm not Jack. "

"The more the merrier. " He added making his way around the table.

A blonde woman flipped her perky self around almost as if she were being invited to a masquerade ball (or something to the effect) and chirped. "I'll go!"

"Great! " Locke chided. " Anybody else wanna come just meet us at the tree line in ten minutes. Bring water. "

Sarah looked at Sun. " I'm going with them. "

As if he'd hidden a microphone somewhere on her, listening in, Sayid quickly responded, raising an eyebrow. " I don't think that would be a good idea. "

She was on the verge of initiating a response when Locke jumped in while leaving.

" Like I said, it's a free island. Don't forget the water! "


	39. The Lord is My Shepherd

_**Chapter 39 - The Lord is My Shepherd **_

Feeling somewhat uneasy, having differed with Sayid, Sarah returned to her tent in search of what she might need on the hike to the Pearl. She fumbled through a few pieces of clothes, and then stuck a frustrated head out of the tent. What sort of things should she gather? She couldn't think straight. Surely, they would not be gone more than a day.

She caught sight of Sayid, who was busy with his own pack, stuffing it with miscellaneous items. She stood there for a moment watching him move swiftly under his black tank. He turned, dragging the pack up on his shoulders and made eye contact with her.

She smiled apprehensively, glancing down, and then took a few steps towards him. "I'm sorry. "

The pack sitting squarely on his back and rifle hanging over his shoulder, he placed a hand on his hip, unresponsive, as he rested his eyes on her. She could not help but feel light-headed from the tingling sensation when their eyes met.

"I didn't mean to challenge you. " She continued. "If you don't want me to go … then I'll stay. "

He looked her over, wearing a faint smirk, as he reached behind him, yanking a small pack from the ground and tossed it to her. "I took the liberty."

"_I hope you don't mind_. "

She instinctively caught the pack and smiled. "Thanks. " She turned back into the tent looking for a bottle of water she had left there, pausing at the entrance. Her and Jack's pictures were near the place she had been sleeping the night before. She carefully picked it up, glancing over it shortly. She had not taken it back from Sayid. She had turned away and hurriedly skulked inside her tent, embarrassed by the way she had so freely expressed her emotions. He must have come in while she was sleeping and put it there.

"You'll want to be leaving about right now. " Sayid called from outside. "Otherwise you might get left behind. "

She nodded, though he could not see her and called back "I'm coming. "

They met the rest of the group by a nearby Palm. Locke was standing among three others, one of which was Desmond. Surprisingly, though his appearance was a little rough, he was sober and alert. (Not like the Desmond she had met on her first go around.)

Sarah did not recognize the other two. A young blonde-haired woman dressed in jean shorts and a tank top along with a dark haired man with very light brown eyes wearing a short sleeved orange t-shirt and fitted jeans.

They both looked her over curiously and then the woman blurted. "Who are you? "

Sarah shrugged, recognizing both of them from breakfast. Perhaps they were too busy to notice her or maybe they just didn't have very good observation skills. At any rate, come to think of it, Sarah not only didn't know them either, but she had never seen them before. Meaning from her first encounter, or vision if you will.

Everyone she had already seen was here, with the exception of the ones who had already died. She also recognized the faces of the other's she had met previously although not having spoken to any of them yet. But these two. They had not been in her first encounter. Thus, she too had wondered, but not questioned. " Who are you? "

She found herself locking eyes with Desmond, who oddly showed no surprise or curiosity with her presence. Instead, he had perched himself against the palm and was waiting patiently as Locke responded. "She's okay. Everyone, this is Sarah. Sarah, this is Nikki, Paulo and Desmond. Now, if everyone is ready we can get on our way. "

Initially, Locke took up the lead, Nikki and Paulo followed behind him, whispering back and forth to one another. Desmond fell behind the two of them and Sayid took up the rear, with Sarah only a step behind Desmond. All of them trudged through the jungle together, Locke leading them through the clear paths.

Sarah watched Nikki and Paulo for a while. They were an odd pair. It occurred to her that though appearing innocent and unassuming, they were far from trustworthy. Maybe it was in the way Nikki over smiled or the fact that they whispered as if they had a secret that no one else knew.

Whatever it was, _Sarah did not trust them._

She soon grew bored of the two and turned her head to Des who had not spoken since they left. She smiled a little, thinking of purple clovers and leprechauns. It was bittersweet, that night after Libby and Ana Lucia's burial, finished off with Des's introduction to Jack. Though she cherished the memory, she had no desire to be reacquainted. She glanced at him and spoke. "Well, I guess you won't be winning that boat race. "

Desmond chuckled cynically. "Whatever gives you that idea, lass? "

She considered him with even more perplexity. He should have been surprised at her mention of his boat and even more so the boat race. Being that as far as he knew, they had never met before, thus, she would have no reason to know these things. Yet, he neither questioned her nor appeared surprised by her insight. Not only was he sober, but he had also become more of an enigma. Well, Hurley had found him running around naked in the jungle.

She laughed nervously. "The absence of a boat, I guess. "

Feeling a bit parched, she was relieved when they decided to stop for a short rest. Sayid wandered off, disappearing into a patch of brush while Paulo and Nikki shared a bottle of water. Des propped himself near a tree trunk.

Sarah plopped on a nearby stump, watching Lock lower himself on the ground near her, taking a gulp of water from his water bottle. Unable to come up with something to say or ask, she retrieved her own bottle, gulped a couple of swallows and then sat studying him. It was his idea to head for the Pearl. Apparently, the plane that Sarah had found there so long ago carried Eko's brother in it and he died in the crash. Locke was certain that Eko would be going there to search out his brothers remains.

While there, they would attempt to communicate with the others through the computer system in the monitoring station. The idea brought creepy thoughts into her mind. How she had hidden in the bathroom while Ben and Juliet studied the screens discussing Jack. Then it suddenly hit her. They were there to discuss options to lure Jack to them and then coerce him to do the surgery.

Ben had tried to convince her that she had merely dreamt. She had learned better. This was something more … much more.

To Locke and the rest of the group, the idea of using the computers for communication seemed logical. Only because they didn't know what she knew. They hadn't seen what she had. The others would not care what was said or what kind of agreement they would propose. As far as they were concerned, this was their island and they were there only because the others allowed them to be there, living on this island.

She supposed they had forgotten that it was Michaels attempt to use the computer in the Swan hatch that led to his capture and ultimately two deaths as well as the capture of Jack/Kate and Sawyer, the death of Colleen and the loss of Desmond's boat. Not a pleasant train of thought.

Lock lifted a piece of wood from the ground, drew out a knife, humming under his breath as he began whittling, cutting away slivers that fell to the ground in flakes. He was such an unpretentious man, yet brewing underneath. She found an odd comradeship in the melody.

"You're unusually interested in my whittling. " Locke observed while never taking his eyes off the stick.

"I'm sorry, "She replied. " I've never seen anyone do that. "

He tilted his head slightly, shooting her an amused look. "You've never seen anyone absentmindedly whittle? "

She answered him slightly embarrassed. "Well, no … not really. "

"I see. " He responded. "That's interesting. The next thing you know, you're gonna tell me you've never played checkers before either. "

She shook her head. "Checkers? "

He smiled, his blue eyes twinkling nearly mischievously "It's a game. You haven't ever played any games. "

"Oh. " She smiled. "I played Jacks when I was little. And I love backgammon. Have you heard of that? "

He shook his head with a faint smirk. "Yea, I've heard of it. "

They had only traveled another fifteen or twenty minutes when Locke suddenly bolted forward, Sayid and Desmond close behind him, leaving Sarah, Nikki and Paulo wondering. Once they passed through the opening to the clearing, it was obvious. They had found Eko on the other side of the stream, carrying a stick. He looked tired and drained, but was determined to continue forwards.

The seven of them made their way with Locke and Eko at the head, until they reached a clearing. Sarah recognized it immediately, and halted once the turned over plane came into view. Nikki bumped her and then complained. "Thanks for the warning. "

Paulo grabbed Nikki by the arm and pulled her past, leaving Sarah staring at the plane, and the obvious metal door in the ground. She swallowed … it was all here just as she remembered it.

Eko headed for the plane. Locke instructed Sayid to take the rest of the group into the hatch, while he remained with Eko. Sayid and Paulo worked on the two doors until there was a squeak and then a thump as each door fell back. Sarah stood staring, her mind racing with memory. She had climbed down those stairs. Would someone else be down there now that Jude was dead?

Sayid looked up, saw her and motioned. "Sarah. "

Reluctantly, she trudged to the hatch door, standing above the ladder, and stared into the dark hole. The hole that seemed to lead to nowhere. A cold chill crawled along her spine.

"Are you alright? " He asked with his eye focused on her.

She nodded, regretfully starting her descent into the deep, dark cold inferno. Her feet hit the bottom with that same eerie thud. She glanced up to the hatch door into the bright sun as if she were looking up from a grave. Sayid's figure soon darkened the daylight as he climbed down as well. She moved when he stepped off the ladder. He turned, with a questioning look.

"Hey guys. " Nikki said. "Look at all this. "

Nikki had plopped into the chair in front of the computers, drawn her knees up and wrapped her arms around her legs. She found a video reel that was much like one Locke had found in the Swan. It was a training video meant to walk a person through the function of this particular hatch - The Pearl. Apparently, the Pearl was designed for observing the activities of the people in the Swan. _Well, Sarah pretty much knew that without needing a tape to explain it to her._

She smirked to herself. _Nikki must feel comfortable in creepy places._

Desmond was busy checking out something in the corner and Sarah watched Paulo. He made his way around Nikki and headed right for the bathroom. Sarah's eyes narrowed, he walked with intent as if he already knew where he was going. She folded her arms, her suspicion hitting a notch higher.

The hatch was dark; near musty and the constant water dripping gave it an eerie feeling. She leaned against the edge of the wall rendered lightheaded just by being there.

Sayid moved from behind her with a concerned expression. She glanced up. "I just don't like this place. "

Locke approached from the bottom of the ladder, and interrupted Sayid in the middle of a response. "We should see what we can find. "

Sayid turned behind, glancing up the ladder and then inquired about Mr. Eko. He answered simply that Eko had no desire to explore the hatch. Sayid appeared satisfied with the explanation and headed to the corner of the room with Locke and Desmond in order to examine the computer equipment and other odd and end things.

Sarah grimaced. A slow queasy feeling was burrowing its way through her. Her eyes strayed to the table next to Nikki and noted that the cigarette butts were also there. Nearly everything she had experienced so far, after escaping the Hydra, had mirrored what she experienced in her dream.

"I wonder if there are other ways in and out of here. " She pondered aloud. Sayid glanced up, but then turned his head when Nikki interrupted. "Hey guys … What are these other TV's for? This guy says that there's six stations. "

She hoisted herself from the cushy chair and rewound the tape. "Here, check it out. Projects. More than one. So, maybe these TV's are connected to the other hatches."

The three men looked at her dumfounded and then Locke stared blankly. "Well, I'm suddenly feeling very stupid. "

Sarah flicked her eyes over them and then shrugged Locke's comment off thinking he must have meant it sarcastically. Certainly he would not congratulate Nikki for pointing out the obvious! Then as if to add insult to injury, Nikki's revelation was ensued by a blatant toilet flush while Paulo appeared from behind the bathroom door and announced. "The toilet still works. "

Sarah shook her head. Neither of them were proving her suspicions unfounded. Exactly how did Paulo know the bathroom was there if he had never been there before? Did he have toilet radar os something? Not to mention how comfortable Nikki seemed to be curled up snugly in the leather chair. No, there was something questionable about these two.

Sayid disappeared into a crevice in the wall, where he began working on the cables leading to the monitors. The relentless dripping was like thunder in her ears, increasing the queasiness in her stomach. Getting that "walls closing in" feeling, she turned around, wandering to the ladder. She would climb up and get some fresh air and then maybe she would feel better.

She carefully placed a foot on each rung until she had reached the top, and then pulled herself through, sitting on the edge. She heard a strange sound, and flicked her head around catching sight of Eko stumbling across the ground. "Eko? "

She pulled herself on her feet and stared at him. He was acting so erratically. "Eko? What are you doing? "

He stumbled a ways further, yelling, "Who are you? "

She followed him over an embankment, keeping her distance. He didn't seem to be aware of her. There was that sound again, like a large insect or something. It did not take her long to recognize it. She thought of the short time spent near the cockpit after the crash. When she had found the body in the tree near the stream. To one morning in particular …

_She took another walk to the waterside. As she filled her cupped hands and drew long gulps, her eyes drifted to the top of the tree._

_The body was gone! She approached it with calculated steps. Boars cannot climb. She heard a rustle and jerked around. Her eyes flicked across the area. A blur passed somewhere ahead, and then there was an eerie sound. One that was indescribable. A howl? Then something like enormous feet pounding the ground and coming straight in her direction. _

_It was after her._

She raised her head, staring at Eko, but jerked it to the side when she saw the blur whizzing past between the trees. She stood frozen with her mouth gaped open. Eko flipped around staring between the bushes.

It rose slowly, a small black cloud that swelled into a gargantuan towering mass of thick, black smoke, turning in and out on itself. It loomed ominously above Eko as if it were a snake rising up to strike. Eko did not flinch. He stood firm, staring up at it. Sarah's heart pounded as her mouth gaped wide open raising her head higher as it expanded upwards. Eko mumbled low, feet planted firmly, eyes fixed on the creature. His words came softly, but grew more determined.

"The Lord is My Shepherd … I shall not want. "


	40. Chapter Forty

**_Chapter Forty_  
**

**She would have liked to run, avoid witnessing this nightmare unfolding before her. Why did she have to leave the safety of the hatch? She could not move, she could not scream. She could only stand there forced to watch. **

**Eko planted his feet in the ground, eyes wide and lifting his head while gawping at this monstrosity growing taller and taller, stretching itself high in the air above him. **

**A thick black smoke turning in on itself, constantly changing form but stretching so high in the air. **

**No, she was frozen there, as if gravity had weighted her down, unable to move her legs, gaping at this horrific creature of doom ominously looming. It towered overhead, threatening to consume anything and everything in its path. **

**There was no air to breathe. Every ounce having been sucked out, leaving such emptiness - such deep, intense silence.**

_**Not even the birds sang now.**_

**A sharp, jolting sound pierced through her; shuddering her to the core. A sound nearly indescribable. The creature let out a bloodcurdling shriek. That chilling utterance like steel upon steel echoing through the trees, surrounding - though coursing in and out of her. Reverberating in her chest.**

_**It had shouted its war cry.**_

**In one swift move, it suddenly plunged down, wrapping part of itself like an enormous smoky fist and snatched Eko up as one would defenseless prey. As quickly as it had done so, it sharply flung him against the trees, slamming his body into them. Sarah's screams could not drown out the horror she experienced, while standing rigidly, hands clenched tightly to her sides, wailing cry after cry in the midst of this spine tingling vision of macabre, gawping at the monster pounded Eko over and over again. It continued this action until Eko's tattered body fell limp. His arms and legs flapping around loosely in its deadly grasp. **

**Appearing satisfied with the damage it had done, it lifted Eko's body high in the air, above the tallest trees. He was it's trophy to be displayed, and now it was declaring its conquered foe. It raised him high, basking in the glow of its kill, then thrust downward once more with one powerful slam into the ground.**

**She couldn't think beyond this moment. This morbid scene that had unfolded before her frightened eyes. She rocked back and forth on her feet, tears streaking her face, wrenching her hands close to her chest as she mouthed. "No … no. "**

**__****But this was not the end. **

******She could do nothing but rock on her heels, sobbing deeply, unsuccessfully sucking in air. Eko did not move. His head flopped over with eyes wide - a near lifeless stare - lips pursed. **

******The creature recoiled, hovering over his mangled form as if waiting to see if he would move. To see if it would need to repeat its sinister deed. As if appeased, it raised the length of it's form and aimed itself in Sarah's directed, and then proceeded to stretch itself out lengthwise, slinking towards her like a snake slithering in mid air. **

******She shook her head, with palms raised over her shoulders, flexing her fingers and began a slow backwards pace that quickened with each step. There were no words to describe the moment. There was nothing that could have prepared her for this moment. She simply shook her head, while backward retreating and whispered under gasps of breath. **

**"****No … Oh God please. " **

******She didn't see or hear Locke's approach over the embankment, followed by Sayid. Fear had completely overwhelmed her, owning her … controlling her as this thing moved in closer, forcing her to back farther away.**

******She had already been jolted by the sudden stop by the time she had processed the thump of her heel hitting the rock. Her butt hit the patch of bare ground with a sharp thud, knocking out what remaining breath she had. She scooted backwards on her palms, gawking at the relentless pursuit of the creature.**

******She sat panting, just behind the border of trees that led into the jungle, eyes fixed on the smoke monster. Unable to move fast enough, she was horrified to find that it had gained ground on her. It stretched its long black body out until it was an inch from her nose. She quaked violently, with jaw dropped, feeling nothing but numbness in her limbs.**

******Staring helplessly into the thick, black smoke, she was unable to comprehend what she saw. A mass of moving substance, rolling over and through itself, constantly changing form. It muttered a series of clicking and rolling sounds while hovering there, morphing into many shapes until slowly it produced a face. **

_******A black cloudy face.**_

**********Something within her snapped. A long powerful shriek exploded through the trees, echoing all around her. She blinked confusedly and then recognized the sound. **

**********It was her own voice that she'd managed to find. She screamed again, managing the strength to shove herself on her feet. She kicked her heels, fleeing into the jungle.  
**

**********Hands and arms streaked with scratches, she flung back branches and underbrush, showing no sign of slowing down. The image hot in her mind. She ran until she couldn't move anymore and then she collapsed within the shelter of a cluster of bamboo under a coconut palm. She curled up against it, letting out breaths of air. She was weak and trembled ferociously. She began to count. **

**********That was what the boy had always taught her to do. _It was what Jack had taught her to do_. "Just count. Don't forget to count." **

**********"Sarah? " She heard from outside of her bamboo haven. "Sarah, where are you? "**

**********She raised her head, staring at the bamboo. She had heard no approaching footsteps, but she knew the voice. Sayid must have followed her screams into the jungle.**

She rose apprehensively, staring into the shrubs and then cautiously slid from the bamboo, cutting her eyes across the area prepared to flee. Then she saw him. He turned and looked on her sympathetically, moving slowly towards her.

**********"Sarah. It's all right. " He said, quickening his pace until he'd reached her. **

******"****You're safe now. "**

**********He placed his hands on either side of her head, staring into her eyes. "You're safe. "  
**

**********Trembling, she dissolved into tears in his arms. He wrapped them around her tenderly, kissing the top of her head.**

**********"Everything will be alright. "**

**********She let him hold her, finding comfort in his arms until she came to notice something. _Something not quite right. _She had kept the memory of the feel of his arms around her deep inside of her heart since their last embrace on the boat. She had memorized his touch. She knew the tone of his voice and every inflection. She also knew that he had not shown any physical affection towards her since their encounter with the taser near the stream.**

**************The air had not lost its stiffness. The birds had not begun to sing and this was not Sayid's embrace.**

**************_This was not Sayid. _**

**************She remained there a moment, closing her eyes in a sense of dread. If this were not Sayid, then who was it? The better question was _what_ was it?**

**************She drew back from him in slow motion, raising her head and meet his eyes. She was unprepared for what she found in them. Black smoke swirled under thick brows.  
**

**************She stepped backwards, mouth dropping open in quiet horror.**

**************"I am sorry… " He confessed. " That was not for you to see. " **

**************Her eyes widened with each syllable. He continued. "You feel safe with this one, and that is why I came to you like this. " **

**************Her eyes flicked over him while panic brewed at the pit of her stomach, as she quivered uncontrollably. He stepped towards her and the panic boiled over through her mouth in one long chilling screech. She bolted into a hard run, as though the devil were chasing her, throwing branches from her face and screaming until they weakened into raspy cries. She could scream no more. Panting fiercely from the run, she dropped into a bunch of shrubs, crawling under them and curled tightly into a trembling ball. The energy drained out of her like a hole in a bucket. She closed her eyes, releasing staggered breaths.  
**

**************She was lost and painfully alone, covered only by branches and leaves. If it were to find her again, she would not have the strength to resist.**

She had lost all awareness of time, not knowing how long she had lain there, but her eyes fluttered open with the sound of snapping twigs underfoot. The sound sent her retreating backwards, into a tree, crouching while whimpering into her hand. She would have skulked inside of it if she could have. 

**************Voices accompanied the footsteps. Tremors of fear rippled through her. There was silence and then one voice mumbling something soft and low.**

******************She jerked back, recoiling when the bushes parted. The appearance of a rifle, poking through the leafy underbrush, sent all kinds of fear though her. Her hands flew over her head, and she sat trembling and whimpering like a frightened child, winding herself into a tighter ball. "Nnno …"  
**

******************Sayid sighed, gazing on her with pity. He turned, laying his rifle down, and then stepped carefully towards her whispering her name softly. "Sarah. "**

******************He knelt on one knee in front of her, flicking his eyes across her. "Sarah, it's just me. Locke is here too. Whatever happened … it's over now. "**

******************"It's over. " **

******************She shook her head with whatever meager strength she could muster and whispered. " Noo … "**

******************Real or not, she had not the energy left to run or to scream, so she remained there, sobbing into her knees. Cowering against the scaly tree trunk. She flinched at the light touch of his hand. He spoke to her again and she heard his voice. She recognized his touch. She lifted her drenched face to his weakly and whispered. **

**************"****Sayid? "**

******************He nodded, his hand resting gently on her shoulder. She sighed heavily, and without regard crawled into his arms, trembling. He did not stop her, kneeling there while she curled against him, sobbing deeply. He knelt silently with her for quite some time, nothing but the sound of her tears between the two of them. **

******************Eventually, he placed both hands on her shoulders and sat her straight, searching her face.**

******************"Are you hurt? "**

******************She shook her head slowly - pitifully - and answered quietly. "No. " **

******************He nodded, asked Locke for a bottle of water and then gave it to her. "Here, drink some water. "  
**

******************She held the bottle, shakily, between her hands taking a couple of sips, feeling somewhat relieved in the presence of Locke and Sayid. Though she knew that she was the last to see Eko draw a breath. That troubled her profoundly.**

******************He gently took the bottle from her. "Can you stand? "**

**********************She nodded, letting him take her arm and help her on her feet, her knees weak and shaky, trying to ignore the dizziness. Sayid held her arm until she was steady, and then released her. He commented that he and Locke were making their way to camp and suggested that she join them. It would be better for her if she remained there instead of rejoining the group.**

**********************She accepted his suggestion readily, with no objection. She'd had enough of the jungle for one day. **


	41. Long Way

_**Chapter 41 - Long Way **_

Returning to the beach proved to be void of any further drama, simply a trek through the jungle accompanied by an empty silence. Locke and Sayid would occasionally exchange a sentence or two, but were not very chatty overall. Sarah was too lost in a haze of shock to carry on a conversation of any substance or length. This was remarkably odd for her, being that she was rarely at a complete loss for words.

She had, however flinched at the snap of a twig, or flutter of a bird in the trees.

And that did not pass unnoticed by her companions who sympathized with a feeling of uncertainty. Unable to do anything _aside_ from sympathizing.

Locke parted at the halfway mark, detouring for the sake of a necessary errand prior to Eko's burial. Sayid agreed to rejoin him after accompanying Sarah to the beach. He sent Locke on his way, and then turned to Sarah with a pitying glance, nudging her forward with a hand on her back. The beach was not much further and they reached it within a quarter of an hour.

Rose and Sun were the first to notice them, their faces reflecting a troubled concern once close enough to note Sarah's disheveled appearance. They both simultaneously voiced their inquiry. Sayid said little, only that she was returning to her tent and asked if they would be willing to keep an eye on her while he was gone.

They both willingly agreed and left to inform their husbands, while Sayid led Sarah to her tent. She had not spoken, only nodding here and there at the occasional question. Approaching the tent, a certain fear gripped her.

She planted her feet on the ground, halting stiffly while staring towards, but almost through the tent. With a concerned puzzlement, Sayid questioned her. "Sarah, are you all right? What's wrong? "

She stepped back a little, unable to separate past from present and remembered the tent she had shared with Jude while simultaneously detecting the scent of broiled fish lingering in the air. She turned fearfully scanning the area around her.

Sayid drew a more concerned expression. "Sarah? "

Rose was the first to return, trudging through the sand in their direction. Sayid held a cautioning palm in the air while keeping an eye on Sarah. She stood there, mind racing with flashes running in her head and a tightness growing in her stomach. For a moment, she was there on the beach before the sailboat, before finding Michael in the hatch while looking for Jack. She flicked her eyes back and forth in an almost day dreamy state.

She began a slow whispering under her breath, barely audible. Mumbling a series of seemingly unconnected words, Sayid was able to decipher one. A name.

"Jude. "

He made a small step forwards, speaking calmly. "Jude? Jude is dead. I shot him … Remember? "

"No. " She said dazedly, "No …He hit you. H …He said you wouldn't come. "

"That's right, but I did come. "

"No, " She shook her head slowly. " No, I looked … but I couldn't find you. Jack wouldn't listen … he was too busy. With Ana and Libby. "

Rose and Sayid exchanged glances and then Rose stepped up. "Sarah honey, why don't we go inside, okay? "

As if walking in a daydream, she turned to Rose barely comprehending her presence while taking one hesitant step towards the tent, and then halting again staring at the entrance. By this time, Sun had approached and was lingering just behind them.

Rose nodded to Sayid. "Would you do us a favor and have a look in there? "

Sayid returned the nod understanding her intention, pulled the flap of tarp away leaving it open, and then walked through it, returning outside once he was finished.

Rose put a hand on her shoulder. "Come on honey, see, everything is okay. Let's go get you something to eat - alright? "

Rose's straightforward approach felt comfortable and Sarah responded favorably by bouncing her head slowly and then moving forwards at her gentle nudge. Sayid perched near the small entrance watching Rose and Sun following behind Sarah, and then turned the flap down once they were inside.

The evening passed with tossing and turning, flashes of memories, both recent and past and periods of restlessness. Occasionally she would wake only long enough to be calmed by the sound of Sayid's voice and then she was slumbering again.

Morning came with a greeting from Rose and a bowl of fruit, which she accepted hungrily. Her head was clearer and she had gained some strength with the rest, regardless of its many interruptions.

Though attentive, Rose decisively strayed from prying into the incidents of the day before, and for that Sarah was truly grateful. She was told that Sayid and Locke had gone out to the jungle to take care of some sort of business, Rose wasn't quite sure. But Sarah was, a chill went through her remembering the piercing war cry of the smoke monster and the freakish smoke swirling in its eyes while posing as Sayid.

After breakfast, she made her way to the makeshift bathing area where she cleaned herself, washed her hair and then returned to her tent to change clothes. Apparently, either while they were on the hike to the Pearl or while Sarah was a bit out of it, either Rose or Sun had left her with a bigger selection. Sun had also given her a handmade hairbrush.

Jin not only fished, but also harvested sea urchins, which have long quills. When he removed the flesh from the spine, Sun would then use whatever was left to make various items. In this case, she had filed the sharp spines until they were smooth to the touch, and then attached them to a wooden handle. A hairbrush was the final result.

The survivors had gathered all of the unclaimed luggage from the wreckage within the first week of their arrival, compiled them and made stockpiles of the recovered items. There were clothes, shoes, medicines and other odd and end things. But for a reason unknown to any of them, they had found no hairbrushes. This was not really much of a concern to the men, but the women were not excited.

The brushes were plain at first, but Sun had taken to decorating and painting them, as well, using an artist kit recovered from the luggage. The one she had given Sarah was painted a beautiful wine color inlayed with small pearlescent crushed shells covering the backside.

Sarah perched herself on a large pile of boulders near the shore and enjoyed the warmth of the sun while running the sea urchin quills through her hair. The moment was so picturesque that the previous events could have easily slipped into a much more distant past.

She drew her feet under her while sitting atop the boulders, under the clear blue sky, letting her hair dry in the breezy salt air. This was a good feeling. It had been a while since she felt fresh and clean.

She had been there for quite some time in solitude only distantly aware of the constant chatter some feet in from the shore. The small island community was awake and rustling through its day.

"Do I know you? " The voice nearly startled her from her seat. She glanced up to an attractive young woman. She was in her early twenties and held her head of flowing pale blonde hair casually, as if not caring what anyone thought of her. Sarah knew her, though she would not dare say her name before the introductions.

"Uh, hi … I don't think so. I'm Sarah. "

Claire tilted her head. "Ah right. You're the girl Charlie told me about. "

Sarah hesitated slightly, wondering just what Charlie had told her, but was struck by the fact that Claire at least wasn't giving her any dirty looks nor was she afraid to chat. This had to be a step in some sort of positive direction, no matter how small. She smiled nervously.

"Well I …I hope it was good. "

"Oh, no worries. I'm Claire. "

Sarah was curious, but did not ask about Aaron - Claire's baby. Claire was alone. She had last seen her at the funeral. Claire had inched closer to Charlie and taken his hand while they buried Libby and Ana. Could Charlie be Aaron's father?

"Well, " Claire continued. " I'm on my way up the beach a little way there for a swim. It _is_ nice that at least we crashed on a beach instead of in the desert or somewhere more boring. It's nice to meet you Sarah. I'm sure we'll talk again. "

With that, Claire made her way through the soft sand towards the water and began wading in. Sarah watched her thinking of the only time she could remember being in the sea. It was not so long ago, and not so pleasant. She remembered the pressure of the water forcing its way through her ears and the muffled drone of the sailboat. She closed her eyes and could see it. The dark salty ocean engulfing her, threatening to devour her within its depths if not for the glimpse of the full moon above which wasn't there when she surfaced.

Where had the moon gone? Had it not been there at all? And if not, then what was it that she saw? Whatever it was, it saved her life with its guiding light glimmering a path to the surface. If not for its presence she would have remained there, drowning in the salt sea.

But it was worth it. She would risk anything; bear anything for his sake, and not just for his alone but also for all of them. If she were able to keep even one person from Ben's grasp, she would do it.

Thinking the water had turned a bit rough, she placed her bare feet in the sand, and took a look out, but Claire was not in sight. Eyes narrowed, she took a long gaze, still not seeing her and assumed she had made her way inland also finding the tide somewhat stronger than several minutes ago.

She turned back to the camp, and had started making her way to the kitchen when she was nearly mowed down by Desmond who was kicking up sand, swinging his arms madly in an alarmingly fast sprint towards the shore.

Recovering, she flipped around in time to see him leap into the tide leaving his royal blue shirt and shoes behind.

"What is he doing? "

She turned at the sound of Sayid behind her, and found him joined by Locke, Hurley and Charlie. He didn't seem to notice her at first, eyeing the scene in the water. Locke cut his eyes out to where Desmond had dived in.

"I think there's someone else out there. "

_There's someone else out there? _The words echoed in her head. _Someone else. _

She swallowed hard, turning to the shore and watching Desmond row with his arms farther out over the troubled water. _There was someone out there_. There_ had_ been, but Sarah had carelessly assumed that she had returned and was probably back with her baby.

"Where's Claire?" Sarah turned at the sound of Charlie's voice as if the question were aimed at her. But it was directed to Sun who had approached the scene holding Aaron in a pale blue blanket. "She just went for a walk, I offered to watch the baby. "

Sarah's heart sunk. _Oh how thoughtless_. She blamed herself as if she had left Claire out there knowing she was drowning.

Charlie hardly gave Sun enough time to respond when he too darted out but Desmond had already returned holding Claire in his arms. She was limp and her head hung over. Sarah mumbled to herself while observing and wished she had paid more attention instead of sitting on a bunch of rocks daydreaming and feeling sorry for herself.

Desmond carried her only a short distance and then lay her down, leaning over her with Charlie clamoring behind him. Desmond quickly dismissed him ordering him to step back. "I know what I'm doing. " Then proceeded to blow puffs of breath into her mouth and press the heel of his hand into her chest. Charlie hovered while the crowd grew in numbers looking on with anticipation. Even Sayid leaned forward with a hopeful, but fearful expression. Then, she moved. A gasp of air and then she spit out mouthfuls of water turning her head to the side.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief while Charlie tried to insist on helping get her back to her tent. Desmond brushed him off once again while hoisting her in his arms, with Locke helping him and then took a barefooted step away from the crowd.

Sarah turned and watched him walking away; his brown skin dotted with sand and heard Charlie yelling after him.

"Where are you going? Hey, how did you know? How did you know she was drowning? "

Hurley's response echoed in her head long after this moment. "I'll tell you how he knew. "

" That guy sees the future dude."

Sarah thought at first she had been hearing things. Then she realized her hearing was perfectly clear. Hurley had suggested … well not suggested more than outright declared that Desmond could see the future. Sarah's mind reeled from the concept. Could it be possible? He was not taken back by her presence as the others were, nor did he look at her with the same questioning expression.

He had in fact received her as if she had always been there a part of the group. Then there was the sailboat discussion. The one in which he acted as if it were normal for her to know the details.

She shook her head. What was she thinking? Crazy thoughts, that's what it was. _It had to be. _Yet, she was the one who dreamt of this place before seeing it with her own eyes. She had been here without being here. She knew the people and had interacted with most of them already before ever speaking with them.

_Could this be any crazier than that? _

Well, some things could be, but this one was certainly not. She would later learn that about a mile inland, Locke, Sayid and the others were discussing the Eko incident when Desmond suddenly turned, flinging his hands and darted towards the beach as if knowing that Claire was drowning.

Once they discovered his destination, it was clear that the "as if " was an obvious definite. _He knew_.

She turned; her face veiled with a pondering expression and found herself looking up at Sayid. He was casting an unfamiliar gaze at her. It was not confrontational by any means but rather a soft expression that made her blush with a tingle of embarrassment. _She had lost her breath in his eyes. _

"You look rested. " He observed finally. "Are you feeling better? "

His voice caught her off guard. Her face flushed just a little remembering the day before. She was in a state of confusion when they reached her tent. She remembered vaguely the words she had spoken. She shouldn't have known about Libby and Ana, nor Michael but yet she had mentioned all three by name. She smiled.

"Much. "

She could not help but notice his lingering gaze, sending tingles over her skin. Did he know? Could he see the effect his stare had on her? She had hoped not but when his brown eyes met hers, she felt completely transparent.

"I … " She couldn't finish. What was she going to say? She was lost in his eyes.

He seemed to notice he was making her uncomfortable and cast a look over her shoulder, and then returned a glance to her once more. "I have some things to take care of. But I will check with you later. "

With that, he was making his away from her and she watched him admiring his figure growing smaller in the distance. His hair was tied in a short ponytail at the base of his head, but it did not stop the wind from playing with his dark curls.

She stood for quit some time until she could no longer make out his figure and then sighed as if leaving the warmth of the sun. She was such a long way from where she wanted to be.

Such a long way from his arms.


	42. Starry Starry Night

_**Chapter 42 - Starry Starry Night **_

She found him contemplatively settled into the sand, resting his arms on his knees and holding a brightly colored photograph. She kept her distance, swept up in a tinge of insecurity. She had been so eager to ask him questions, but now she wasn't so confident.

Just as with everyone else, she knew him … But he was a stranger. And she was even more of a stranger to him. At least it would seem that way but for the absence of the look everyone else had in their eyes when first meeting her. The look that asked poignantly, "Who the hell are you? "

She had once asked herself the same question while gazing like Snow White at her own reflection within a silver pool of glass. _Sometimes she asked still_.

Ben's daughter? Jacks' … Jack didn't even remember her. She was just as lost as any of these people. A forgotten child trying to figure it all out. Three steps backwards for each one step taken.

She was ready to just walk away without saying anything at all when he spoke without turning. "Need somethin' miss? Or just admirin' the scenery? "

She dropped her eyes for a moment and smiled. She always found his voice fascinating. The way it lifted in its melodic fashion. She had heard none like it.

"Sarah is it? " He continued, stealing a quick glance. "Where'd they find you?"

She was more amused than intimidated by his casual curtness, and stepped forwards, sitting next to him. "I guess _I_ found _them_. "

_At least this time around. _

"Aye. So how goes it after what happened to your man Eko yesterday?"

With raised eyebrows, she bounced her head a bit. It was going about as good as it could be, all things considering. This was all the response she could manage while eyeing the colorful photograph of what she recognized as Des and a woman standing with her head against his shoulder. She wanted to know, but she didn't ask, and he either did not notice her questioning gaze or didn't care to answer it.

"Did they … Well, did they find anything in there? The Pearl? " She said finally, after staring for several minutes out over the shoreline.

"Aye, " He said. " There was a man. "

"A man? You found a man in there? "

"Not in the hatch, no. One of the cameras. Once Sayid found the right one, it came on an' there was a man with a patch over his eye. He looked in the camera an' then switched it off. "

She searched her mind but found nothing. No memory of a man with a patch among the others. She was very much aware of the fact that she had not seen all of them. Only the ones Ben allowed her to. She had no idea neither how many of them nor how many hatches there were.

"Do they … Well … Think he's one of them? "

"I don't really know. "

_Well, of course he didn't know. How stupid of her! How could they know? _

A man with a patch over his eye. She wondered if they were arranging another party to look for him. If they did, she would go with them again, especially if it were an attempt to rescue the others. She needed to know that Jack was safe. Even if it meant that she were not. This was her life … all that she knew. She would give anything to assure that none else shared the same burden.

But she had strayed from her reason in seeking Desmond in the first place. She'd let the conversation wander with no particular direction because she didn't know how to ask the question in her head. She did not even know how to form it.

_That guy sees the future dude._

Maybe it was a stretch, but it was something. She had also seen the future in a sense, and that had to mean something. Didn't it? And if not, perhaps he of all people might understand _if not empathize_.

She eyed him in a pondering fashion until he raised his eyes to hers. A clear brown gaze that held her in an odd manner. There was something in them that was not like the others, she had seen it before, but even stronger now. He looked at her as if it were nothing new. Like one would gaze at a familiar acquaintance. She found it both relieving, but equally disconcerting. How could he know her?

"Des, " She heard herself asking. " Do … Do you know me? "

He dropped his head, raised it and gave a quiet chuckle. "Now how would I? "

She held herself upright, rolling her eyes in an attempt to gather her thoughts into words. Mouth open, she worked her jaw, and then responded.

"I, well … "

_That was intelligent. _She mocked herself. But he turned his head regardless, and studied her patiently waiting for her reply. She blinked.

"Because, Desmond … I see things. I mean I _have_ seen things. And I haven't told anybody because I'm sure they'll either think I'm crazy or lying, but somehow I get the idea that you won't. That maybe you might know what I mean. "

She could hardly believe she had gotten the words out. He had not moved, or shown much of a facial response making it difficult to know what he had made of her rant. Would he dismiss her as a lunatic? Regardless, she heard herself blabbering.

"I've been on this beach before. With all of you. It was real. But then it wasn't real because I woke up somewhere else and not here. I don't understand it and I can't explain it. "

"And you think I can? " He said, staring at the ocean.

"I …I dunno. I just …I thought …"

She rose nervously, feeling stupid for approaching him, and brushed the sand from her rear. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make assumptions. I didn't mean to … I'm really sorry. "

She turned away empty-handed, and started to make her way back wondering how much worse it would be if she tried to explain it to Sayid. _Or anyone else_. There wasn't a hatch they could lock her in, unless they took her to the Pearl and that seemed highly unlikely given they would need a guard twenty-seven. Maybe they would simply tie her to a tree or something.

She realized that she was conjuring up irrational scenarios from her own insecurities and took a deep breath attempting to calm herself. Des had not berated her at least. He'd not put a wide amount of space between them once hearing her insane story. _Well, part of it anyway_. He had not called her a raving lunatic nor did he call for help in restraining her and she supposed that was something to be happy over.

"Sarah. " His voice cut through her rampantly running thoughts. She halted and then turned. "Maybe you should show him what's in your pocket. "

Mouth dropped open, her brows lowered in shock. She knew all too well what was in her pocket. And she was the only one who knew, aside from Alex who was miles away now. A small black button. Had anyone seen it they would have dismissed it.

_But that button was her connection to one of the few things that mattered to her._

It was rather puzzling, but she had never actually questioned it before. When she'd first found it in her pocket, she'd assumed it was proof that Ben was lying to her and that she had been with the crash survivors all along. That she had been with them in the hatch and that she had actually found herself within them.

Startling as it was, Ben had spoken the truth for once.

Until now, she hadn't the time to think about it. If none of it were real, how did she have it now? Had she been so caught up in it, believed it to be so real that she managed to pull it from her own vision? What other explanation was there?

The corners of his mouth curved up in a faint smile, and then he turned his head staring down at the photograph in his hands. This was not exactly the same Desmond Hume she had met the first time. This one was sober and cryptic as well. And she sensed a sadness in him.

She put a foot forward, but then quickly changed her mind. It was obvious that he had other things consuming his thoughts and didn't need to be burdened with her added problems. She turned, his words running through her head and eventually crossed paths with Claire who was walking in Des's direction.

Sarah couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. Her skin was like porcelain and her eyes a clear blue. She had swept her silk-blonde hair up loosely with strands of it catching the breeze. "Oh Claire! Are you okay? "

Claire nodded and smiled speaking in her Australian voice "Yea, I'm fine. Just a little shaken up. "

Sarah nodded. "I am _so_ sorry. I looked back when the tide started kicking up. When I didn't see you I thought you'd gone back in. If I had known …"

"Well, it's certainly not _your_ fault. I mean unless you have some kind of power over the ocean or something. "

Sarah laughed. "No, not really. "

They parted with Claire headed to where Desmond was sitting. Sarah turned for a moment and saw her lower herself down beside him.

_Maybe you should show him what's in your pocket. _

Did this mean that Desmond had the same vision? Did he know everything she knew? It was all too boggling and she longed to run back and rain down a shower of questions but knew that it would probably be the worst that she could do.

Charlie was not far behind Claire. He stood near her tent holding Aaron and concentrating on the two figures in the sand. His obvious jealousy amused her. Judging by the way Des held that photograph, running his thumb over the image; he had only one woman on his mind.

She smiled, said hello and then passed them, catching sight of the large silver ring he wore on his middle finger and thought of the airport where Charlie sat tapping the back of the seat with it. He had looked troubled then, with dark eyes and a hooded jacket. Not so much now.

She found her way to the kitchen with it relatively empty; being that it was between lunch and dinner. She had only just gotten her appetite after the mornings events. There was a varied selection of fruits and nuts, along with a humble portion of leftover meat and fish. She turned her nose up at the boar, while taking the fish and getting a bottle of water.

"Not much for Boar? " Locke teased, entering and grabbing a slice of pineapple.

She smiled. "Not really. " _Not after she saw them eating people_.

She flicked a glance over his face and remembered something Jack had said before. Locke was the one who hunted the boar, skinned them and made them ready for the rest of the people to eat. Now she felt incredibly ungrateful. Here they all were, stranded on a deserted island where food was a luxury and she was turning her nose up at it. She pressed her lips together regretfully and then spoke. "I … it's not that … well. I mean I could never hunt boars or anything like that. It's a good thing there's somebody here who can. "

Locke shook his head amused by her stammering, and gazed on her with twinkling blue eyes. "I understand. No big deal. Hey I was headed over there to those two airline seats, wanna join me? "

She took her plate while he gathered his own, two bottles of water, and together they walked to the two chairs, making themselves comfortable. She had run across a bag of chips and made sure to add some to her meal for old time sake, munching them while chatting with Locke.

She was actually more than happy to spend some time with him. She had not spoken with him as often as Jack and Sayid, but she was comfortable in his presence nonetheless. _Perhaps she had reason to be_. She pushed that thought from her mind while gazing out over the camp. Another day nearly halfway finished.

"So, I was wondering how you were feeling. You know after what happened yesterday? " Locke questioned with a relaxed attentiveness.

She looked him over thoughtfully before responding. "Well, I have my appetite back. "

He bobbed his head. "Yea, understandable. "

He took a swig of water and was silent for quite sometime, leaving her curious as to why he'd invited her to join him. She wasn't naive enough to think it was only for the company. He turned his head and gave her a long glance.

"What was it? What was it that you saw out there? "

Oh how she wished he had not asked her that. She did not want to relive it. She didn't want to even think about it. That thick creature of smoke, turning in and out of itself, throwing Eko around like a rag doll. The swirling smoke filled eyes.

But he had made her think of it. She returned his gaze weakly.

"I saw it too. " He said. "I stood very still and I saw it. It was a beautiful bright light. "

A beautiful bright light? _If only_. No, what she had seen was not flowers and light and pretty music. It was ugly and unnatural. She could call it many things, but not beautiful. She dipped her head and then replied. "That's not what I saw. "

He must have caught the reservation in her tone, or the look in her eyes and smiled assuredly. "It's okay. I'm not trying to push you. I only wanted to understand. "

She knew he was sincere, in a way. But in another way, she sensed something underneath. There was a method to his madness and it led to some ulterior motive, yet she could not pinpoint what it might be. Locke was certainly an enigma, as were quite a few of the people she had met along the way.

"I'm sorry. " She found herself apologizing again. "I don't mean to be defensive. "

He shook his head. "It's perfectly fine considering what you've been through. I was out of line for asking. "

"It killed him. " She said bluntly. "It was smoke. A big black cloud that reached down, snatched him up, and killed him. And when it was through, it came after me. "

"Smoke? "

She lowered her head and raised her eyes as if to say. _"Well, you asked, so now you don't like what you hear?" _

"_Okay_, so it was smoke. _" _

She sighed, yes, it sounded crazy, but it all did, so that was nothing new. "That's what I saw. I can't explain it; I can only tell you what I saw. "

"It's okay. Of course you can't explain it. No ones asking you to. "

He screwed the cap on his bottle after drinking the last swallow and then smiled. "You know, I happen to have a backgammon board with me. I brought it on the flight. Maybe we can play sometime. "

She had not lied when she said she knew how to play, but it was Ben who taught her. She had played with Alex before, though Alex really didn't understand the game. Not as well as Ben. Now she didn't relish the thought of the game at all. Locke must have caught that reluctance as well. "Or maybe not. "

She smiled hospitably, "No, that would be great … to play sometime. But right now, I feel like resting, if that's okay. "

She rose, intending on taking her plate to the makeshift trash can, but he offered to return it himself. She thanked him and turned to make her way home, when she paused.

"Locke? "

He stopped and then said. "You can call me John. Locke's my sir name. "

_John_. She rather liked it. "Alright then … John. I sorta had a question too. "

"Fair enough. Shoot. "

"Well I …when we were out there … yesterday I mean. When we stopped and you were whittling, you were humming something. "

"I was? "

"Well, yeah. "

He stood thoughtfully for a moment and then his face lit with recognition. "Oh that. Yea, it's one of my favorite tunes. By Don McLean ... Way before your time. Why do you ask?"

"I just wanted to know the name of it. "

He rubbed his chin. "Some people call it Starry Starry Night, but I think the original name was Vincent. It's about an artist. His name was Vincent Van Goh. Crazy, but talented and grossly misunderstood. At least I think that's the point of the song. I don't care much for art, I just like the tune. "

She knew her face was turning some type of color other than the normal peaches and cream, but she could do nothing about it. He took on a concerned look. "Are you alright? "

She put a hand on her face, and then attempted to pretend as though she didn't feel dizzy. "I'm fine. Really. I'm just gonna go rest a little. "

He took a step forwards, the concern growing. "Why don't you let me walk you back. Really, it's no trouble. "

"It's alright. I'm fine. I think maybe it was the fish"

With that, she turned and treaded through sand in the direction of her tent. Sayid spotted her from the front of his. He was busy working on something and raised himself at the sight of her, noting her erratic behavior.

"Sarah. What's wrong? "

"It's Okay. " She denied. "I just got dizzy for a moment, probably something I ate. I'll go lie down and I'll be fine. Really. "

She was lying through her teeth of course. The faintness was not from the fish, nor from anything she had eaten. She lowered herself on her thick layer of blankets and covered herself with one of them. Head resting on an airline pillow, she closed her eyes.

"_Starry, starry night. Paint your palette blue and grey, Look out on a summer's day,  
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul. Shadows on the hills, Sketch the trees and the daffodils, Catch the breeze and the winter chills, In colors on the snowy linen land._ "


	43. Voice of Conviction

**Authors Note :** _This is actually a redo. The original Chapter 43 was just not right. I think I was too anxious to get it out and posted it too early. This is better written and I'm much happier with it. Hope you are too! Enjoy! _

**Chapter 43** – _**Voice of Conviction**_

Only one day - a little over twenty-four hours - was what lay between Sarah and the final minutes of Eko's last breath. She was sleeping better, _marginally_, although she rose before dawn. She spent the early moments before sunrise resting atop the boulders she had warmed herself on the day before, while drying her hair in the soft breeze, and watched the sun come up. It crept along the rolls of dark, brooding waters; subtly at first until it set the sea on fire in brilliant orange and red hues.

As breathtaking as it was, she could not shake the feeling that lie underneath her skin. The one that told her she was only fooling herself if she thought that anything awaited her beyond the horizon, somewhere far from the endless stretch of ocean water that dissolved into a hazy sky. It was the same feeling she had been fighting since her escape. As natural as breathing.

She found inspiration, however, when she lifted her eyes away from the ocean, across the white sand and over the camp. They were fighting - together - hoping and living beyond their circumstances. This was enough.

Once the sun grew to its full strength, she gathered herself and stood, pressing bare feet into the sand. Swinging her shoes by her side, she strolled along the shore until she happened upon rows of wooden structures protruding out of the sand.

She had seen a cross once years ago, as a small child, but never rows of them standing upright from the ground. She approached slowly, sensing something sacred and somber and noted a single figure standing among them. Hurley.

He knelt before a single cross, the ocean behind him, and gently placed a flower at the foot of it. This was Libby's grave. She realized she had stumbled onto the makeshift graveyard dug by the group with the intention of burying their dead. They initially burned the carnage from the crash, but this was for the ones who did not survive the aftermath. Victims of the island itself. She thought of the speech Hurley had given at Libby's burial spoken with awkwardness but so thoughtfully.

When the gathering was dispersed, they all turned and walked away leaving behind two mounds of dirt marking Libby and Ana's graves.

Hurley stood, turned and then scowled at the sight of her. "What the hell are _you_ doin'? Spying on me? "

Frozen in her place, her mouth dropped while he ranted. "Dude, that's not cool! What gives you the right? Just because Sayid gives you the nod, you think you can just do anything you want? "

"W …W …Well I …"

"Look just leave me the hell alone … okay? " With that, he brusquely turned and tromped off. She understood his reaction with clarity. Regardless if Libby were dead or alive, Sarah had unwittingly invited herself into a private intimate moment; one in which a stranger was not welcome.

Even now, she could not seem to avoid being at the wrong place at the wrong time or sticking her foot in her mouth. She sighed and flicked her eyes over the remaining graves wondering whose memories they held deep within them.

A glint of something caught her eye and she made her way to the grave where hung a small chain, catching flickers of sunlight. She knelt, staring at it swaying in the breeze and ran a finger along it's length, pondering its drawing power.

She flinched at the sound of a voice, one she knew so very well. "What are you doing? "

Sayid stood with a hand on his hip, assuming his usual weight on one foot stance, and drew his brows into a near scowl. She pressed her lips together. Unwittingly ticking off two people, under two separate circumstances, within a matter of five minutes presumably wasn't a record, but impressive at best. She rose, flicking an embarrassed glance to the ground. She wasn't certain of her error, but would not dare question him now. Not after interpreting the tone of his voice and his intense stare boring into her.

"Well? "

She shuffled her feet and then choked on her words, which she managed to eek out shakily. "I …I was just w…walking. "

"Walking? " He echoed. "And you just merely happened upon this grave by chance? "

She wanted to look up, but couldn't bring herself to. She hadn't done anything intentionally, why was he so angry? Hurley was short with her because she had stumbled into a moment that left him open and vulnerable. Libby was the woman he had loved and there at her grave, he was able to release the feelings he kept hidden from others. Visiting her grave was a private and intimate solace upon which Sarah had haphazardly stumbled. _But Sayid. _

She swallowed hard and then whispered. "I …I'm sorry. I didn't mean any harm, I just … "

She lifted her eyes to his long enough for him to catch a flicker of bewilderment in them and then she turned her heels, hiking up the hill to the camp, ignoring his calls. She traipsed through the hot sand red-faced and embarrassed, for reasons she could not explain. Maybe it was the way she felt when she knew he was displeased with her or the sense that she had invaded some private place in him as well. Either way, if she faced him she would fall apart - and she knew it.

She nearly slammed into John. He braced her by the elbows, and then flicked concerned eyes over her face. "You're runnin like the devil's chasing you. What's wrong? "

It seemed she was destined to be apologetic for the rest of her life. She stepped back and shook her head. "I'm sorry. It …I guess I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I … I dunno. "

"Well, walk with me a little and we can talk about it. Okay? "

She bobbed her head and then followed him a short distance across the beach, telling him about the course of her morning. How she walked along the shore and discovered the gravesite, only to unintentionally intrude on Hurley's visit to Libby's grave and then Sayid's strange interrogation not long after. John nodded with understanding. "That was Shannon's grave. "

She flicked a hazel-eyed gaze into his face and he continued. Though she already knew some of the story, he unawarely filled her in on the parts that she had not already heard. Shannon and Sayid's relationship formed through the two of them working together on French written map Sayid had retrieved from the French woman, Danielle. _Oh yes, Sarah remembered Danielle. The arrow-bearing crazy woman who lived in the jungle_.

Wile Sayid was a brilliant man; he knew little of the language. _Sarah supposed he was at least one up on her being that she didn't know there was such a place as France much less people who spoke French. _

Shannon however, did understand the language, _to an extent_, having lived there while in school. This in mind, Sayid enlisted her to help him decipher the words on the map. Although, he was more than capable of reading the geography of the map itself.

This is when their bonding began and ended shortly thereafter. In an attempt to find rescue, Michael, Sawyer, Jin and Michael's small son - Walt - set out on a raft. This resulted in the others kidnapping Walt, destroying the raft, and the three men captured by another group of survivors who had been living on the other side of the island.

Sarah learned that Ana Lucia, Libby, Eko and Bernard - Roses husband - were all that remained of the tail section of the plane. They forced Jin and Michael, with an injured Sawyer, to lead them to the beach. Distracted by strange whispers, the pouring rain and their own inner bickering, the group halted with a heightened alertness unaware that Shannon and Sayid were somewhere ahead of them. Ana drew her gun and then fired into the brush. A pale figure emerged, stumbling into the clearing. Ana Lucia had inadvertently fired her gun into Shannon and she died in Sayid's arms.

John recalled when Sayid entered the camp carrying her lifeless body with an empty and lost look on his face. Sarah nodded. She understood now. She had happen chancily intruded upon Sayid's privacy as well. Her conclusion was in line with everyone else's. Had Ben and the others not created such suspicion, uneasiness within the two groups, Ana would not have fired the gun, and Shannon might still be alive.

Although if she were alive, she would be with Sayid and that was difficult to imagine. What if Sarah had returned to the beach and found Shannon and Sayid's relationship alive and flourishing? Could she have been noble and accepted his contentment or would jealousy have gotten the better of her?

"Hmm, " John broke her thoughts, "So, I guess you see why he'd be a bit … touchy. "

His blue eyes looked right through her as if he knew her thoughts. She dropped her head with a feeling of shame and nodded. "Yea. I'll try not to go back that way. "

He stopped short and turned. "Why? "

Startled by his response, she stepped back until he stepped forwards and turned her until he was staring persistently into her face insisting with a voice of conviction.

"Sarah, I know where you're at. Tryin to find your place. But don't you ever let anybody tell you what you can or can't do. "

In that moment, her view of John Locke changed. He was an unassuming man, dismissed by most, but within him was someone longing to break free from the expectation of others and live _his_ life ... his way. In a wheel chair he was to be pitied, yet, standing upright, he was a man with a mission.

This was something Sarah could understand … and respect.

This is what she wanted also. Linking eyes, they had shared the same longing, the same quest for identity. In that moment there was an understanding between them. One that whirled her head around bringing Judes last words echoing in her mind and sent her staring up at him.

She studied his face, noting the faint scar that trailed from above his brow and down his cheek. His eyes were crystal blue, unlike hers. She nodded slowly, only faintly aware of the figure approaching.

Sayid dipped his head to John and then eyed Sarah. "I've been looking for you. "

"And here she is. " Locke responded with eyes twinkling then nodded off to Sarah. "Excuse me. "

She turned watching him meander towards the kitchen and dropped her head while shuffling her feet in the sand, painfully aware of Sayid's heavy stare. She flicked her eyes to his and swallowed, but he returned her gaze with a semi smile and then lightly placed a hand on her back. "There's something I'd like to show you. "

He nudged her forwards. She stopped only to slide her feet in her shoes and then allowed him to lead her past the kitchen and through the camp until they came to a thick grove. He nudged her forwards to the bottom of a steep hill. She cupped a hand over her brows and scanned the top edge until it seemed to nearly touch the sky.

"It's a small hike. " He said. "Come on. "

He positioned himself close behind, helping her forwards when she needed the extra boost. They continued this way for a good fifteen minutes. Once nearing the top, he stepped around and then in front of her, holding out a hand to pull her up. She hesitated for only a moment knowing the jolt of electricity that would shoot through her once her hand was lost in his. However, she gave it anyway and was faint at the touch of his fingers enclosing around hers.

"Are you all right? "

"Yeah. "

"Well, come on then. " He guided her up the rest of the way and then the view overtook her. He nudged her forwards until she was standing near the edge of a breathtakingly high cliff that swept down into the ocean below. Over to the left, a white crested waterfall plummeted down the side and tumbled into the shore, merging with the foamy waves that lapped along the rocky bottom.

"I had hoped to bring you here later in the day, when the sun was not so high, but now is just as well. " He lowered his pack, retrieved two water bottles, and then smoothed out a rust colored cloth over one of the boulders. "I noticed that you spend much time sitting on the rocks near the shore … particularly at sunrise or sunset. I thought you might enjoy it from a higher viewing point. "

At his prompting, she sat on a smaller boulder, and listened while he explained that this spot had easily become one of his favorite thinking places. When he sought solitude more than anything else, he would climb the hill and sit at the top of the cliff listening to the waterfall and peering out over the crystal ocean melting into the azure sky. There he could almost forget his current circumstances and merely enjoy the beauty for what it was.

She flicked a self-conscious smile towards him while meandering to the edge of the cliff and staring out over the ocean, _as she often did these days, _and then sighed. Although the view was breathtaking and capable of evoking deep emotion, it was not merely it's beauty that drew her but the thought that perhaps there was nothing else out there beyond endless rolls of water. Maybe this was all there was. This island and spending all of her days running for nothing.

And this was not all she thought of. Somewhere beneath those rolls of water sat an underwater hatch. The hatch where she had left someone behind, trapped within a wall of glass.

She turned her head, and scanned him, wondering if his intentions held more than just wanting to display the scenery.

"You need not look so suspicious. " He commented observantly. "I thought you could use a diversion. "

She couldn't argue with that. She sipped water while gazing out over the falls. Though he was being gentle, she knew the questions behind his eyes. The ones he wasn't asking. She dropped her head, and then turned a steady gaze into those dark eyes and spoke. "What is it? What is it that you want to know? "

He took his time responding, as if mulling it over. When he spoke, however, he chose his words thoughtfully and uncharacteristically in a no threatening manner. "To be forthcoming, you appear somewhat of an enigma. You say you have never roamed this island yet you approached the Pearl as if you had already been there. In fact, I have not noticed you react to much of anything as if it were new to you. You called Vincent by name. Would this not strike you as odd? "

She lowered the bottle having lost her breath, and gulped. He would know if she was lying, and she didn't really want to lie anyway. This was proving to be an impossible task … trying to be honest while trying protect herself. Perhaps Desmond was right. He could doubt her, but Sayid could not possibly be able explain how she could have gotten the button from his shirt.

_That is if he had lost it on the boat as he had the day she was with him on it. _

He was waiting patiently, but with his eyes set on reading her body language. She admitted, unable to argue. "Yes. I'd be curious. "

Sensing her uneasiness, he interrupted her. "Do not misinterpret my meaning. It is not my intention to interrogate you. Nevertheless, you must understand my curiosity. "

"I do. " She sighed gratefully. "I wasn't being cryptic … on the beach that night. The night I showed you the picture of Jack … At least not intentionally. "

"Alright. "

She shook her head, where would she start? She stared over the cliff out into the crystal foam and pictured the hatch deep within it, the two rooms divided by the glass partition and the last glance she had taken of Jack while she begged him not to listen to them … to Ben. He sat slumped in the corner with his head down without any recognition of her or any response to her pleading. And then she began.

"I sit and stare out over the water because that's where I left Jack. He didn't even know me. I mean, who knows what they could be doing to him. Brainwashing him maybe. Kate and Sawyer …"

"And you feel responsible? "

She shot a painful glance to him and blinked. "It's hard sometimes to know what I feel. "

It was the truth, except for how she felt about him. It was a flash in the pan response, once she realized the others were coming for the boat. The same scenario looping around itself. All she could think about was he and Jin out in the darkness, the gunfire and Sun going over the side. She so desperately wanted to do something.

She nodded and then continued. "I escaped from there because I knew you and the others were on that boat and I knew Ben's people were coming after you. I knew what was gonna happen. That Sun was alone on board. So when Alex got me out, I had her take me to the sub and I hid in it. "

"Alex? "

She fiddled with her thumbs, yeah Alex. "Alex is … well, my sister. At least she's the closest thing I have. I was about 16 when I met her. It …I. This is a lot to explain and I really don't know where to start. "

She waited for his response, but he merely leaned into a stone, patiently listening to her grappling for words. Then he took a small breath. "How _did_ you know? "

His relaxed tone was disquieting and the question slammed into her head as if a boulder had fallen from above and crushed her. _How did she know?_ She swallowed a gulp of air and then met his gaze. He had no idea how complicated this simple question was.

She settled against the rock pile and flicked her eyes over him. He already knew how she was brought there as a small child and the sketchy recollection of her life before the island. _And it was **very** sketchy_.

She opened her mouth and this is where she began.

"Well …first, you have to know I was on the plane. Flight 815. "

_She had settled under the covers and was dozing when she heard the creak. She thought it was her imagination at first, but then she detected the footsteps and whispers. There were two of them standing over her. They never spoke a word, eerily ignoring her altogether as if she were an animal instead of a human being. One pinned her shoulders and clamped a rough hand over her mouth while the other shoved a needle in her leg. The liquid burned as it entered her body and before she could get into a good struggle, everything went black. _

_She awoke in a smaller room, lying on a cold damp earthen floor hoping for death but fearing something more terrifying. She glimpsed shadowy footsteps under the door and was relieved to see Alex there. She led Sarah from the room and to the ladder leading out and then across the green grass under the warm sun until they reached a secluded area. They met with a dark haired man whose name was Richard. _

_Richard and Sarah traveled to Australia by submarine. During the travel, she'd spied him looking over a folder and managed to steal a glance over one of the pages. It was enough for her to see that the information contained in it was of interest to her … at best. Paperwork on her history and past. _

_Richard had spoken to her gently while peering through soft brown eyes, and though part of her wanted to trust him, he was one of them. One could argue that Alex was as well, but she had known Alex since her childhood. Not so with Richard. So, she swiped the taser, used it on him and then took the folder. _

_She snagged an address from it. One that had been frequented by a man named Christian Sheppard__Sarah was convinced this man was her father. The owner of the address was a blond woman who gawked at this strange girl planted in her front yard and then phoned the local police department. Sarah's appearance only accomplished her arrest and then a visit to a mental institution. _

_Jude retrieved her and then they boarded flight 815. She hadn't seen the folder after it was taken from her by the officers. _

"_I_ was … well, we were near the front" She said. "Jude went to the back somewhere, before the crash, so when I woke up I was the only one alive. _That I saw_. "

_She remained hidden at first, but tried to stay close to the plane, hoping for rescue - only to be discovered by Ben and the others. He tried to coerce her to return willingly, but she resisted his pleas until he grew angry and then reached for the small dark pistol she had been eyeing on his belt. She flipped around and bolted, heard a pop and then a whiz. Everything went black. _

She paused, unsure of which way to turn, for this is where the story came to a fork. One path led her through the time she had spent in the Swan with Sayid and Jack while the other began the moment she awoke from unconsciousness in the Hydra and discovered that she had dreamt the last two months of her life.

She was unaware of the weight of her stare out into open space, but Sayid was not. He studied her and then startled her out of deep thought. "So you were on the plane then … that does not explain how you knew about the boat and how you've known other things. "

She raised her eyes to his, gazing into them and thought of another time when they were hard and angry. They were not so hard now and not angry either. Although, with him, trust was something earned and once earned, he would give it unfalteringly but if broken, one could not easily regain it. She breathed softly and answered.

"I know. But this is where it gets harder … I know, Sayid, that you're a man who believes only in what he sees and with this, you only have my word. You're either gonna believe me or not. "


	44. A Long Slip of Paper

**_Chapter 44 : A Long Slip of Paper _**

**  
**

It was one picturesque scene among many. A brisk tropical breeze sweeping across the ocean, pushing frothy waves along the surface until they crashed among the smooth and jagged rocks below.

Grey and white gulls glided with pointed wings along the waterfall, occasionally dipping down searching for prey. One of them broke from the flock, dipped and then sharply turned upwards, scaling the height of the rocky cliff, making its way over the edge and above two people facing each other among the scattered piles of boulders.

Sarah glanced up at it's shrilly song and caught sight of the white underbelly soaring overhead. She envied it to some extent. The world was its home and its food was everywhere. _And it certainly had never suffered an identity crisis. _

She let her eyes fall downwards resting on Sayid, who had shifted himself while leaning. There they were, just as he said, under the same sky … together … staring into one another's eyes. Standing atop the cliff, above the thundering falls, she would have liked nothing more than for him to sweep her up in his arms and kiss her.

Like their first.

_A shiver went through her when his lips brushed hers. He drew her into a slow gentle kiss. She trembled underneath him as her hands found their way to his chest. He took her in his arms and held the back of her head as he kissed her deeply. One hand braced the small of her back. He stared into her eyes as he brushed the hair from her face. "Sarah, I love you. I did not think that I would nor did I want to love anyone else. But I love you. _"

She straightened herself and raised her chin. What did she have to fear now that was worse than what awaited her - should she find herself among the others again?

From the moment she tasered him, Sayid could have easily done whatever he wanted. He could have tortured her for information, but instead he gave her supplies to make her own tent, near his, and then he waited patiently. He was still there. It wasn't the way she wanted it … obviously. She hungered for him to look at her the way he did when he told her he would never abandon her.

_She turned around facing him. " I was with them. The others. Ben, Henry … whoever he is … I called him "Daddy. " _

_She covered her face with her hands in a flush of uncertainty. He ran a hand through her hair and then quietly answered knowingly. "You fear then, because you are telling me this, I will walk away? You believe I will reject you? "_

_Her pained expression told him everything he needed to know. He drew her face to his. _"_I cannot pretend to know what this means. But I said that I believed you. I meant that. Now you must believe me. Trust me. "_

_Then he lowered his head and kissed her softly, drew her to him and held her in his arms. "Regardless of what may happen, I will not leave you. "_

She thought of the things she'd seen while lying on the floor from the taser hits. Thought on what she'd experienced, what she'd learned.

_She said nothing, nor did she resist when he took her to a holding room and pushed her into a chair. He revealed his intentions bluntly. "I am going to ask you questions. If you do not answer correctly, if you lie ... I will hurt you. "_

_He leaned forward, bracing himself with one hand against the back of the chair, raising a heavy eyebrow. "Do you understand me? "_

_Quivering, she stared into his eyes, and was deeply moved. Shame, sadness, regret - he was nearly as lost as she. She had come to know him as a man of great strength. Now she was able to see, with understanding, what he was trying to tell her so long ago on the boat - he too was broken._

"_I understand. " She whispered. "I do understand. "_

He wasn't perfect. He wasn't a savior. He was merely human and lost, in his own right. He had suffered pain in his own life and struggled with his own demons. He had seen death more often than she could ever imagine.

She alone carried their memories with her. She would have faith in them now, even when he could not. _I said that I believed you. I meant that. Now you must believe me. Trust me. _He had asked her to trust him.

_A whole other lifetime ago._

Now it was up to her to keep her promise. She would choose to trust him because even if he didn't know her, she knew him. And so this gave her the courage she needed. She would tell him everything she could and then deal with the repercussions. She pressed her lips together, dipped her head and then swallowed, catching his gaze.

"You're right. I do know more than I've said. "

He spoke nothing while holding her in a steady gaze.

"Ben said he didn't fire on me but that I stepped on one of the French woman's traps. "

"Danielle. "

" Danielle? " When she thought about it, she did remember him calling her Danielle the night he defended Sarah to her. "Yeah. He said they brought me to the Hydra, and the wound was infected. I was unconscious for two months. "

She paused thinking on the morning she washed her face in the bathroom mirror, on the boat, and saw Juliet's reflection staring back at her. _"She's waking up. "_

"They said that, but it took them three days or so to convince me because … Well, because I thought I had been brought there after they ambushed Sun and took the boat. Because I thought I had been with you and everyone else on the beach and then on the boat when Colleens group took it. . "

His eyes narrowed while he turned his head at her strange words. "Why would you think that? "

She nodded. "That would be part of the thing I mentioned. The thing I'm certain you won't believe. I'm telling you Sayid, because I'm tired of being afraid. And even if you don't believe it, at least I know that I did tell you the truth. "

She was surprised at how easily forthcoming she was. She blew out air and continued. "I woke up in the middle of the jungle. I didn't know who I was, where I was. And that's where I first met you. "

"You thought I was one of them. And I couldn't tell you any different because I didn't know myself. So I lied. You and Jack kept me in the hatch and I escaped during the lockdown when Locke was trapped under the blast doors. It was Ben -Henry - who made me run. He said you and Jack were going to kill me. He said I was his daughter. So I ran, and that's when I found the Pearl. I saw the monitors; I saw Ben and Juliet. "

"Juliet? "

Right. _He didn't know Juliet_. "She's one of them. "

"How many of them are there? "

"I don't know. There's Tom, Danny, Colleen, Juliet, Ben and Alex … well Richard and Jude. I know there's a woman named Isabel, Alex has mentioned her before. They all live somewhere else. That's just one of their working places. "

She pried a chunk of hair from her mouth and continued. "I saw Locke drawing a map in one of the monitors and Ana was telling Ben that you were coming after me in the other. So I ran. But you caught me and then I finally just told you everything. How I woke up out there alone and didn't know who I was. "

"Jude was on the beach with all of you. He tried to drag me back to them, but I escaped and when I got back to the hatch, I saw Ana and Libby … after Michael shot them. I told you and then you and Jack made plans. "

"He would take the group by foot to the other side of the island, with Michael, and you would take Desmond's boat. I talked my way on the boat with you, Sun and Jin. You wanted me to stay on the beach, but I was afraid. I was afraid that I might be one of them, especially after what happened with Ben and Jude. I told you that if it turned out that I was one of them after all, I knew that you, if anyone, would do what needed to be done. "

"I was on the boat with Sun the night they took it. I saw her go overboard after Tom shot her. Then he shot me. So, when I woke up in the Hydra, I thought I had just come from the boat. I didn't believe them even when Ben took me to where they were holding Jack and Jack didn't know me. "

"I thought it was a trick until I heard Danny begging Ben to let him go on the sub to take the boat from you. That's when I started to believe it. That I had never been on the beach, never spoken to you or Jack. That I somehow dreamt the whole thing. "

The words managed to flow fairly even. She had only paused when remembering certain moments. When he had defended her to Danielle and how she'd cried in his arms near the campfire and then she'd drifted to sleep to the rhythm of his breath. He had defended her to Jack, and then held her on the beach when she'd argued with Jude.

The night she thought she'd lost him. She had fallen asleep in his tent with the rain falling down. She thought of their argument over her joining them on the boat, how he'd leaned in, with his breath on her eyelashes sending shivers through her. He had kissed her hand and then entwined his fingers around hers while returning to the rubber raft where Sun and Jin were waiting.

She remembered the moments that led to their first kiss and then their last argument. These all ran through her head while engulfed in the water. But above the hum of the engine and the roaring in her ears, she heard his voice in her head.

Her voice grew softer and somewhat timid. "I almost let myself drown out there. _After Sun and I went overboard. _I heard Sun and Jin calling to each other and you were calling to them … but nooone was calling for me. That's when I knew for certain that it was true. That it had all been some … dream …or something. "

Sayid had listened to her story with acute stillness. He interrupted only once to ask about Juliet and then remained propped against the stack of boulders, eying her blankly. She had told him everything … _nearly everything_. She hadn't told him about their relationship or a few other minor details.

When she finished speaking, she stood there tingling with a heightened awareness and held her breath. His response was slow at first. He had folded his arms and straightened just a little while gazing on her. He kept this position for a couple of minutes and then he suddenly bolted up.

The action startled her and she jumped back, eyes wide and heart pounding. Had she said too much? She just wanted to finally come clean and tell him the truth. She knew that he might not believe her, but she thought perhaps they were behind torture and intimidation. The old knot in her stomach returned, twisting and turning inside while her eyes widened.

He appeared to ignore her as he turned over to the edge of the cliff and lowered his head downwards. Mouth gaping, she starred at him. She was convinced he was on the verge of jumping her, but here he was leaning over the cliff gawping at something below. Then he called out. "Kate! Sawyer! "

Kate? Sawyer? She lept up and flipped around, turning her head over the cliff as well and caught sight of two figures moving through the cover of some low-lying branches. One was taller than the other and walked with a slight limp. Sarah could make out the sandy hair and broad shoulders. The other was sporting bare shoulders under a tank and long dark brown hair.

Kate and Sawyer were speedily trekking their way through the jungle and towards the beach. Sayid called to them once more from the heights of the cliff, but they didn't turn their heads. He gathered his pack and then turned towards Sarah as if wanting to apologize for the interruption. His features softened for a moment as he tilted his head. She was still visibly shaken by his abruptness and he apparently noticed.

She didn't have time to feel foolish for thinking he was going to hurt her. She had only one thought. If Kate and Sawyer were returning, then Jack must be with them.

For the first time in a very long time, she had a twinge of giddiness.

The corners of her mouth nearly turning up, she pondered aloud. "Do you think Jack's with them? "

He shook his head. "Let's hope so. "

Though he didn't say anything, he seemed to understand what the prospect of Jack's return meant to her. Having something previously ripped from her restored was more than just a fulfilled dream. It was hope with substance. Tangible.

They reached the camp nearly a half hour later, after descending the cliff and plodding the rest of the way. Once rejoining the beach, they found that they had missed the initial reunion. They came upon Kate and Locke engaging in a lengthy conversation. Sarah noticed Kate had changed into a t-shirt. She'd pushed the sleeves up over her shoulders.

Sayid approached them, though Sarah was slow to follow. She flicked her eyes across the camp and over the shore almost certain her stomach was in her throat.

Kate turned and smiled at the sight of Sayid. She threw her arms around him while he welcomed her home. Then she raised her eyes, catching sight of Sarah standing behind him and frowned. "Who is that? "

Sarah blinked at first when he turned and motioned for her to step forwards, but then he reached even farther and pulled her closer into the group of three. "Kate, this is Sarah. "

Kate's eyes narrowed. "Sarah? "

She nodded but then with hopeful eyes, she quickly pumped Kate for information.

"Is Jack with you? Did he escape too? "

Kate flicked her eyes over the three and then slowly dropped her head. "They've still got'em. "

She told them that Juliet had taken her to see Jack in hopes that she could convince him to do an operation. Ben had a tumor on his spine. Jack was the obvious choice to remove it … being that he was a spinal surgeon.

Jack agreed to do the surgery on the condition that Ben allowed Kate and Sawyer to leave the other island and return to their island safely.

Sayid gave a curious look. "The other island? "

"Yeah, " She confirmed. " The place they kept us was like a zoo or something. We were in cages. Me and Sawyer. But Jack was inside the place, underwater. It's a completely different island. We had to get here by boat. A girl named Alex helped us by giving us her boat. "

Before Sarah could ask, Kate cast a gaze over to her. "She says hi, by the way. "

The knot in her throat nearly choked her. "I … is she alright? "

Kate nodded. "Yea. We helped her rescue her boyfreind. She wanted to come with us, but Juliet wouldn't let her. She said Ben wouldn't allow it. "

"So what about Jack? " Sayid prodded.

"Well, he stayed behind. He told us to get as far as we could away from there and to never come back. "

By this time, Kate had slung a pack over one shoulder and they were making their way across the camp towards the water trough. Sayid turned his head to Kate. "Why did he say don't come back? "

"He sacrificed himself so we could escape. He probably didn't want it to be for nothin. "

Sarah listened, but her mind reeled with all the information. The Hydra was on another island? Well, it made sense to be honest. Why else would they need a sub to get to the ferry landing? She also wondered why Alex had never told her she had a boyfreind.

Kate told them that after they were taken to the Pala Ferry landing, Ben had given Michael a boat. He and Walt took off in the boat and never looked back. She also told them that they probably didn't give away their only one.

She dipped her water bottle into the water trough and then Locke bent down. "So they can leave the island? "

She told them she didn't know and then explained that they had escaped with a kid named Carl who told her and Sawyer that the others lived in this island. Meaning the same one as the crash survivors. He would have taken them there, but Sawyer let him go. When questioned by Sayid she said that he would have to ask Sawyer why and then she turned away.

John straightened himself while Sayid asked calmly. "Kate where are you going? "

"I don't care what Jack said. " She answered. "They've got him and we've got to get him back. I owe him that much. So I'm goin to get help. "

Now, the two men stood by the trough watching her leave, but her words echoed in Sarah's mind. Kate was bent on helping Jack. And though she hadn't said so, it was clear that she would do it alone if need be.

Sarah didn't look back, she stepped forwards and followed after Kate in big strides, until she was almost on her. "Kate. Kate wait up. "

They were well past the trough and a few feet into the treeline before Kate halted and turned. "Is it true? Are you going to find help to get Jack? "

Kate scanned her suspiciously. "Yea. Why? "

Sarah stared at her. She didn't know if it was her time at the Hydra that change dher, but this Kate seemed different. But then this Kate didn't know her well enough to be so blatantly interrogated. "I … because I escaped too. I escaped and I left Jack behind. And I've thought about him every day since I left. Wondering if he was okay, hoping they didn't hurt him. "

She didn't know why she thought this would soften Kates suspicion when in fact it strengthened it. She lowered her head, while staring and answered. "Really? "

"Yes. I want to help. I don't know what I can do, but I can't sit and do nothing anymore. "

Kate eyed her even more suspiciously until Sarah sighed and then dropped her head. She slid her hand in her pocket and drew out a long slip of paper.


	45. Cabana Boy

**_Chapter 45 : Cabana Boy_  
**

Anyone else, at first glance, would view this series of tattered pictures as simply a boy and his sister having their fun at the mall. No one would have suspected the story behind the toothy, dimpled grins.

Sarah drew one of her long anxious breaths and then gave Kate a sketchy detailed story of how she and Jack knew each other and why his safety would matter to her. A very brief recount of how she'd come to be among the survivors of the crash there on the beach after escaping from the Hydra, though Sayid got more information from her than Kate did.

Kate scanned the single photographs with a glint of something in her eye … Something far in the past. Had Sarah's story sparked some sad tragic tale from her own history, before she became an unwilling inhabitant of the island? Sarah couldn't tell, but detected the switch flip in Kate's head when she turned and shoved the photographs in Sarah's hand and gave her the marching orders.

"Alright look. If you're comin, we have to leave now, it's gonna be dark soon and we need to get a good start. "

Sarah nodded.

Kate took a slouched stance folded her arms and scanned her. "What are you gonna do for water? Food? You got a pack? "

Kate frowned and then blew air from her cheeks while she declared she would wait for five or ten minutes at the most and then she would leave Sarah behind.

"Water_… Food … got a pack? _" Sarah grumbled under her breath while trudging to her tent. "Yea_, I carry a pack around for no apparent reason, just because._ "

She hadn't thought about any of these things when running after Kate. Only the prospect of seeing Jack safe from the others.

_There would also be some small satisfaction in knowing that she had helped snag another one of Ben's victims, thereby thwarting whatever sinister plans whirling in his head like storm clouds over the restless ocean. _

The corners of her mouth turned up slightly at the thought of getting one up on Ben, and then quickly turned down again. This wasn't a game and not only was she risking her own skin, but Kate as well as Jack's. She could smile, but that little rock of understanding would remain in the bottom of her stomach until the day when she could know for certain that there'd be no more walled in cages without windows.

She was pulling the tarp back when her head jerked up at the glimpse of sudden movement. Sayid quietly slid a pack from his shoulder and then tossed it at her feet. A quirky, albeit perplexed, expression shadowed her face, yet he gazed on her until she eventually leaned back on one hip. "What's this?"

"Well, this is what you were looking for … isn't it? " He smirked. "I thought I would save you some time. "

Widened eyes, she made an attempt at aloofness, although it was a lost cause on someone like Sayid, who could read invisible ink if need be. "I think Kate's waiting for you. "

"You … want me to … go with Kate? … Alone? "

"If I objected, would you not go … regardless? "

"Well … "

He tilted his head, sporting the same tiny smirk. "Just don't start considering me for your personal cabana boy. "

She eyed him curiously, and then turned, hoisting the pack over her own shoulders. _Personal what? _

She shook her head, and then glanced back at his deep eyes following her along the sand, what was wrong with this picture? Since when was Sayid all right with not just Sarah wandering around in the jungle looking to save the world alone, but a woman period? _Any woman. _

He was comfortable with letting she and Kate go waltzing off to find a way to help Jack, while he remained at the camp chopping wood or fixing some electronic gadget? No, something was most definitely off, although she really didn't have time to dedicate to the mystery, so she made her way off to where she had left her new comrade.

She found Kate leaning against a palm, looking as if she were struggling to keep her annoyance under control. Eyebrows turned inwards, she perked up at the sight of Sarah and then joined her. The two of them disappeared within the dense foliage and thus began their journey.

Sarah wondered where Sawyer was, although she didn't need to consider why he wouldn't have wanted to come with. _Not a man like Sawyer_. He was the one who scavenged the wreckage in the early days of the crash and hoarded all that he had found. He apparently hadn't been very willing to share any of it either. Instead, he had defrauded Kate into unwittingly seeing to it that the hatch was unmanned, providing him the opportunity to pinch the guns as well.

"I'm surprised you haven't asked where we're goin. " Kate huffed while pushing back a bit of underbrush.

"I don't really care, if it'll help Jack. " Sarah murmured, tossing her head over her shoulder as she had been doing every few minutes or so since they left the beach.

"What are you looking for? "

"I …it's nothing. I thought I heard something, but it was nothing. " Though she didn't have a solid reason, she didn't care to bring Sayid's odd behavior into the discussion. She had a gut feeling there was more to it than allowing them to go marching out there alone, unless he knew something they did not.

"Say Kate, can I ask you something? "

"Yea. "

"What's a cabana boy? "

Kate shook her head while her mouth turned up a bit. "What? Why? "

She must have noticed Sara fighting to keep the pink of embarrassment from her face and continued. "Okay, well, it's like when you go on vacation … I dunno, Maybe … Hawaii … somewhere exotic. Think … you're lyin around on the beach with nothin better to do than to soak up the sun in your bikini and you've got this scantly dressed guy waitin on you hand and foot. You're own personal man-servant Bringin you drinks … maybe givin you a massage … "

Her voice trailed off with a bit of a day dreamy tone and then she suddenly snapped back, remembering where she was. "Anyway. What the hell made you ask that? "

Sarah was staring with mouth opened. She didn't know what a massage was, but it certainly sounded interesting and it must be good, judging by Kate's expression while talking about it. She tossed her head over her shoulder, casting another glance through the path behind them and thought of Sayid.

It was rather odd, here they were on a trek to find a way to rescue Jack and her mind suddenly jumped backwards to a rainy day. The day Jude nearly blew her head off. She was kneeling in the mud, and Sayid had pulled his shirt over his head to use it on her arm. She shook her head. Why would she think of that?

Still, this was what she saw in her minds eye while Kate was talking. The image seemed to take control of her, bouncing around in her head. What was that flutter in her chest and the tingling all over her skin? Her hand wandered aimlessly into her pocket, rolling around the little black button between her fingers.

She barely felt the smack of something hitting the toe of her shoe, turning her head just in time to kiss the ground and hear the "oomph" as she smacked into it with her stomach. She hadn't even noticed she was falling until she'd hit the ground! _A rock_. A stupid rock appeared to have sprung up about an inch from the ground in order to trip her and have her fall flat on her face!

Now, she was painfully aware that it was simply a matter of clumsiness, but the other version sounded much more interesting. If a smoke monster could grab a man and sling him up into the air, a rock could most definitely push itself up from the ground and trip her … right?

Stretched out, face down; she was humiliatingly aware of Kate hovering over her.

"What the hell? Are you all right? "

She raised up a little and then rolled over, thinking about what a stupid idea that was once her back arched over the lump of pack underneath her. "Other than I can't feel my face? "

"Uh. Yeah, your nose is bleeding. Stay there and pinch up at the bridge, between your eyes. Looks like you whacked it pretty good, you'll be lucky if it's not broken. "

" Broken? Well, how can you tell? " Sarah muttered from behind the palm of the hand grasping her nose. " How long do I gotta do this?"

"As long as it takes. And, I dunno …Jack's the doctor. But if it swells up, and looks disjointed … well, I think that'd be a good sign. "

By this time, the sun had nearly disappeared into twinkles of stardust, and Kate diligently made a torch from a thick branch she'd stripped clean and then lit with matches. She'd stayed near Sarah until the bleeding stopped and then warily made a torch for her as well.

Sarah grasped the bare branch with a sinking feeling. Worried? Who would be worried over giving a clumsy woman a burning stick? What's the worst that could happen? She'd fall down and set the whole forest on fire?

She was glad when Kate spoke again, happy for the interruption from her increasingly irrational inner dialog. "When we get to where we're goin, I need you to follow my lead and let me talk. Don't say anything. "

"Okay. Well, how far is it? "

"About another five minutes or so, think you can do some walkin now? "

Her throbbing nose seemingly three times larger than before, she nodded and then fell next to Kate, watching her torch flicker in the thick humid air. She moved ahead, bending over to examine the brush along the way, leaving Sarah a few feet behind her and desperately needing to relieve herself. She called out to Kate. "Hang on a sec, I gotta … "

Kate nodded, and then said she would be just ahead, but would wait for her. She wedged her torch between two dead branches and then stumbled around in the dark, hoping not to have another encounter with a rock, or anything else for that matter.

She knew the problem. She'd been distracted by thoughts of Sayid. Between this weird cabana boy thing and the curiousness of his response to she and Kate going after Jack alone, she'd found it difficult to concentrate on much else. (Including walking straight.)

She couldn't help but wonder if they would even make it in time to help Jack, or would it already be too late? Ben would either get rid of or try to integrate him. Sarah knew this fairly definitively. Then, she supposed it would all hang on the balance of whether or not Ben made it through this surgery. If not, they could have very well just killed Jack anyway.

She was just zipping her pants when she saw the lights. Yellow torches flickering between the trees ahead. There were two of them, opposite of where Kate had moved on ahead of her. And then there was a snap and a click. One of those clicks that sent her mind reeling to when she was staring at the hollow end of a rifle thinking surely this time there was no way out.

"Do not move. " She had heard that before. _She had heard the voice before as well. _

The next thing she knew, there was a blurry movement in front of her, a sharp pain in her head and then everything went black.


	46. JourneyMan

_**A**/N Yea, I did kinda try to give a nodoff to the new NBC series just for fun, incase you didn't notice. :) Hope you enjoy! And visions of shirtless Sayids for Glynnis just for fun too! I had to have some lighter stuff in there to break up the heavier issues.  
_

**Chapter 46 - JourneyMan  
**

It was that sound, echoing through the dark woods, that wrenched her head groggily upwards. _What was that_? A blast of some sort … and very familiar. She would have slinked forwards to investigate, were she not attached to a tree by way of twine. _Why the heck would someone be carrying around twine out in the middle of the jungle anyway? _

Regardless, the what, why and how did not apply, being that it did nothing to help the situation. She was still tied to a tree, in the middle of the jungle, in the dark, with the sound of …

_Oh God._

Her mind babbling came to an abrupt stop once she placed the ominous blast … it was a rifle she had heard! This was the sound that brought her out of unconsciousness, reverberating through the blackness of the night. How was it? _Right_. She had stopped to relieve herself. Kate had wandered a little ways ahead. Sarah had watched her torch bobbing in and out of the dense cluster of bushy branches, and then two other torches trailing carefully behind hers. She was zipping her pants when she heard the clicking noise and "_Do not move_. " She looked up, met the back end of a rifle and then everything went black.

Rifle blasts resounded from the same direction she had watched Kate move towards. Correction, there had been one rifle blast and there were no gunshots now, but she did hear someone yell something about not shooting … _once_. Now everything was deafeningly quiet and calm. Eyes wide and nose throbbing, she stared out into the dark shadows of jungle not knowing what to do next. The only thing she _could_ do was call out to Kate - _but dare she_?

_Oh God_, now there was the sound of twigs snapping underfoot. Someone or multiple some ones were approaching. She was bound to a friggin tree! The twines were so tightly wound that she couldn't even squirm inside them.

_And what happened to Kate? Was she out there somewhere, hurt? Or worse? _This was not they way it was supposed to be. Captured before they had barely even begun? She blinked and took deep breaths at the sound of voices.

"I left her just beyond these trees. "

"She's gotta be freakin out by now … if she's awake yet. "

_Wasn't that Kate's voice? Was she talking to Danielle? What the hell was going on?! _

"Sarah? " Sarah heard her, but could do nothing aside from holding her breath. _Should she answer? _ Then another voice. One she trusted more than any other.

"Sarah, are you there? "

She flipped her head up and answered rather promptly. "Sayid? Is that you? "

Four figures emerged from the tall dark trees sticking up from the ground like black posts. John, Kate, Sayid and the french woman, Danielle. Ah, now she could place the voice. It was Danielle who found her returning from relieving herself, warned her not to move and then swung the rifle butt at her. Now here she was, suspended against this tree with the four of them staring at her holding their long branched torches.

_An uninvolved onlooker might mistake this for a private lynching. _

After several long, painfully unspoken minutes, Sarah had finally had enough of being on display like one of John's Boars and she bobbed her head while squinting out an expression of impatience. "Uh … Is it too much to ask …? Would somebody mind …? "

Sayid cast a long hard gaze on Sarah, folded his arms and then tossed his head towards Danielle. "Was this really necessary? "

Danielle shot him a near scowl, but he ignored her, shaking his head while drawing a knife from his pocket and carefully worked on the twine. "Are you all right? "

"Well, my head hurts … but yeah, just peachy. " She shifted a glance over to John, who was standing near Kate and then at Sayid. _Ah, it made perfect sense_. Sayid was never letting them go out there alone. He and John must have been following them all along. But why all the stealth instead of just insisting on going with them? "What are you doing here? "

Though as black as black could be in the middle of a near deserted jungle, the darkness couldn't cover-up her multihued nose illuminated by the glowing torches. Sayid suddenly scowled and reached out, wrapping his hands around her face, turning it from side to side.

"Was it _really_ necessary to strike her face? "

"I did not strike her face, it was already like that. "

"Owe! " Sarah grumbled at the light touch of his fingers on her nose and then added with blatant annoyance at their exclusive bantering. "Hello, I _am_ standing right here! "

"Of course you are. " Sayid cocked an eyebrow and tilted his head.

A sudden rush of self-awareness caught her off guard, and she found her eyes flicking back and forth from his dark-eyed gaze to the dark brown earth beneath her feet. Was it moving underneath her or was that just the feeling she got whenever he looked at her that way?

She answered rather sheepishly. "Well I … I fell. "

"You … fell? "

"Yea, " Kate responded with a hardy smile. " I think all the talk of cabana boys distracted her. "

She watched Sayid's eyes shift between her and Kate and wondered what was more obvious, her bulbous nose or the many shades of red she was certain her face was turning. His bottom lip tremored ever so slightly while fighting back his enjoyment. "Ah, cabana boys … "

"Yea, she asked me what one was and then the next thing I knew she was flat on her face. "

Sayid nodded with a smirk. "I see …"

His smirk did nothing but elevate her embarrassment, yet, she was determined to regain her confidence. She squared her shoulders, and steadied her own gaze. "And _you_ didn't answer _my _question. What are you doing here? "

This was probably a refreshing form of entertainment for John, who had not made any vocal contributions. Instead, he had just quietly observed … though if one were to look closely, even he was sporting an amused glint in his expression. He shifted his weight while flicking his eyes over the area and then interjected. "I think we've about lost the light we'd need to go any farther. It'd be a good idea just to setup camp here and then start out fresh in the mornin. "

Sayid drug his gaze from Sarah, nodded and responded. "I agree. That would be wise. "

It was actually John Locke whom she joined in helping to gather wood for the fire. He had called her to help him and they wandered some ways away searching out dry wood and debris from the hovering treetops. She had decided that she liked him. He seemed to be comfortable with her and did not watch her as if she were going to say or do something to give herself away.

And he did not seem to mind passing information as if he knew she had wanted to ask but was afraid to.

There was a time, within the first weeks of the crash, that Sayid found himself at odds with one crash survivor in particular. _Namely_, _Sawyer_. At one point, the other men had to literally break them apart before they beat each other senseless. The animosity between them was strengthened the night Shannon had an asthma attack and Sayid accused Sawyer of taking her inhalers. This was before she and Sayid had much contact with each other - _individual contact that is. _

Sarah nodded, this was not a far stretch considering Sawyer had quickly commandeered as much of the cargo baggage as possible and bartered with it even when it belonged to the other passengers.

Shannon's asthma attack grew serious enough that Sayid convinced Jack the only way to get the inhalers was to capture Sawyer, drag him into the jungle and torture him until he gave them over. Therefore, he and Jack did just that. They tied him to a tree out in the middle of the jungle and Sayid tortured him by sliding stalks of bamboo under his fingernails and then later put a knife through his arm during an escape attempt.

Sarah thought of the irony, and wondered how many people she had shared or would share that experience with. _Being tightly bound to a tree, that is_. Then she attentively listened to the rest of the story.

Sayid left the camp on the beach after discovering that Sawyer was innocent. He took what John called a Journeyman's Journey. He paused here commenting that literally a journeyman was a master tradesman turned loose to travel town to town for work. While he supposed that could be true, he liked to think of a journeyman as someone on a personal quest. More than often helping other people find their own path. These are people who do not always know the potential locked inside of them, but often make a profound impact on the people they cross paths with. By this definition, Joan of Arc might have been thought of as a Journeyman. Gandhi, even Mother Theresa herself. People like these cross even the boundaries of time because their influence remains long after they are gone.

But these were the famous ones. There were others who would never be world-renowned or whose names would never appear in books or museums. They may not even think they have ever found their purpose in life, but they've helped countless others along their own way.

Sarah studied the look in John's eyes and knew that he had gone beyond just talking about Sayid. This was something different altogether. Or at least it had turned into something different. _Why was he telling her this? _She wondered.

He suddenly turned his head to her and then smiled. "And a Journeyman doesn't always know he's a journeyman. "

Nevertheless, in Sayid's case, he had continued, it was a matter of sorting through personal demons brought on by his willingness to torture again. To revert to a system he claimed he no longer believed in. He was running away from his journey by going on the journey. And then he found it again when he met Danielle Rousseau. He'd been caught in one of her traps and she found him hanging upside down from a rope in a tree. She cut him loose, took him to her hideout and then tortured him with small electric bolts from a couple of large batteries.

Sarah plopped down on a log, fiddling with a stick and glanced up. "So, why are you telling me all of this anyway? "

"Well, you like him don't you? "

Her answer was not swift by any shape of the word. If there was something she was learning about John Locke was that he always said exactly what was on his mind. That did not mean he didn't think before he spoke. No, he put much thought into it, but spoke what he thought nonetheless. He raised his eyes to her as if imparting some mystical wisdom and continued. "A man always knows how a woman feels about him. Oh, it's okay. Sayid's a good man. "

She decided not to confirm or deny, but responded with another question. "So, what happened? I mean, he obviously got away or she let him go? "

Locke smiled, lowered himself down and grabbed some water then continued. Sayid did escape by earning her trust and then returned to the beach with the maps and news that there were others on the island. He learned that Danielle had come there by boat about sixteen years ago after following a distress signal and becoming stranded. Her team contracted an illness and she resorted to killing most of them, including her husband Robert. She was pregnant at the time and delivered her baby herself. One week later, the others stole her child which is why she had tried to steal Claire's, hoping to make a trade.

"You said sixteen years ago? " Sarah enquired attentively. The number peaked her interest nearly more than anything he had said thus far, aside from him calling her out on her feelings towards Sayid. That number just would not leave her alone. She was sixteen when she first met Alex, and Alex was now sixteen. _Alex was sixteen_. But, Ben claimed her mother was dead. Another lie? Although, Danielle, with her wavy dark brown hair and large deep blue eyes. If they were standing side by side, they would look like older and younger versions of themselves. She studied Locke intensely and then spoke. "Did she give her baby a name? "

John nodded. "Yea. Alex. "

Sarah stood. "Alex? "

"Yea, she'd be about sixteen now. "

"I know how old she is. " Sarah snapped and then quickly apologized. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be surprised. Ben is a liar. Sometimes I wonder if his name is really Ben. I … Danielle and Alex? God, she believes Ben. At least she did, but I don't know about now since she knows how he lied about my mother and about being my father. "

"So, do you know anything about your real father? "

_Jude took a few steps toward her, grinning wickedly … "Well … while we're at it … I might as well give you a secret you'll take to your grave. Think of it as a …" (Snicker) "… a little parting gift. "_

_He bent down, whispering in her ear, "Wanna know who your daddy really is? "_

_He whispered a name, stood up straight with a wry smirk, and walked a pace or two away, turned around and drew the gun to his chin._

"_Are you afraid yet? "_

_She deliberately raised her eyes to his, face expressing a disconcerting calm as she responded. "No. "_

"_You can pull that trigger … and I'll die. "_

"_But I'll die free. "_

"Sarah? " John eyed her from his place on the stump until she responded with a faraway tone.

"Just that it's not Ben. " With that, she turned towards the rest of the group with a bundle of limbs. She stopped only long enough to give John a searching glance and then asked one more curious question. "John, if you had a daughter would you still think Sayid was a good man? "

He took a breath and stood"If I had a daughter, there wouldn't be a man good enough for her. "

This seemed to please her as she nodded with the corners of her mouth turned up and walked away, handing the limbs to Kate. Watching them build the fire reminded her of the night when she and Sayid resolved their differences. The night she knew she had won his complete trust.

He had defended her to Danielle.

The act brought her to tears and she broke down in his arms releasing all the pressure and fear she'd felt over the better part of nearly four weeks. She knew, then, that he believed her and would never again ask her to prove herself or her motives. He almost seemed to be a little insulted at the idea that he would do anything less but defend her.

This night probably would not end that way. Not with her falling asleep with the rise and fall of his breath under her head or his arms resting over her. No, she would find a spot on the ground somewhere and try to dose off with the events of the day spinning around in her head.

She left her pack somewhere over near a tree while helping John gather wood, and that's where her water would be, she assumed, since Sayid did do the packing for her. She lazily made her way to it and found it propped up there against the scaly trunk. _And she was very thirsty_.

The water bottle wasn't very difficult to find, just follow the largest round lump in the bag and Walla! She took a bunch if gulps, and then slung it over her shoulder, trudging back near the fire. Thoughts of that night with Sayid lingering in her mind, she reached in her pocket for the one trinket that kept her connected to the memories of what seemed like one large moment suspended in time. She thought maybe it was stuck deep in the folds of the hem but then remembered how she had it between her fingers earlier. Actually, that was the last time she had touched it. Her head was turned, and she was thinking on when Sayid removed his shirt to wrap around her arm and felt rather embarrassed at doing so. She flipped her head around when she hit the small rock and then her hands went out as she hit the ground. _Her hands went out. Crap! _She must have dropped it there, right there on the ground!

"Maybe_ you should show him what's in your pocket._ " Desmond had advised her. Terrific! How could she when she no longer had it? She had to find that button!

She took a few more steps forwards but then froze hearing voices just on the other side of the tree she was standing beside.

"So just what is it you're suggesting Danielle?" Sayid voice was clear; Sarah didn't need to look to know. Though she did turn her head just a little in order to spy the two of them standing there and then felt just a tiny twinge of guilt. She had never meant to spy on any of them, she was just walking by, but now she was privy to a conversation she wasn't supposed to hear. Danielle stood with a hand on her hip.

"I think you know. She is one of them. You need to be using this to your advantage. "

"And what do you propose I do? Hang her from a tree like bait? "

"No. First, you need to pump her for information. I do not know why you have not done this already. Perhaps you are too soft or too close. And then you need to use her to get in and out of there. You take her there as your prisoner and they will want her back. You said she was his daughter. If you threaten her, he will let you go - along with all of your friends including the doctor. She is your bargaining chip. "

Perhaps she should have stayed now that she'd heard this much of the conversation, but she could not bring herself to know the rest. Thoughts pulsing through her mind, she took a series of deft strides in retreat towards the campfire and then sat herself down before it.

Danielle was proposing that he sacrifice her. She stared into the flames blinking back a rush of emotion and then swallowed one more gulp of water, hardly noticing that someone was attempting to lower himself down beside her until he spoke softly. "How is your nose? "


	47. Tiny Black Button

**Chapter 47 **– ** Tiny Black Button**

She really didn't want to turn her head and look at him. He might see that something was wrong. He might ask her and she didn't know if she really wanted to have that discussion. _How would it look if he thought she was spying on him? _No, she would rather watch the yellow fingers of flame reaching up for the night sky and follow the wisps of smoke upwards to the stars.

_Those stars that they sat under…together. _

When she eventually did turn, she discovered him settled next to her offering a plate of food. She wanted to flick back the tiny black curl dangling in his eyes, but restrained herself while smiling weakly.

"Aren't you supposed to be shirtless or something? "

It was funny how just one tiny smirk could light up his whole face - as it did now, though he passed up the opportunity to return the witty come back. Instead, he nodded to the plate and responded. "I thought you might be hungry. "

She bobbed her head slowly, taking a slice of mango from the platewhile he continued chatting. "I can not say for certain in the dark, but it might be broken. "

"Broken? "

"Your nose. Most definitely. "

_Oh great. A broken nose?_ She thought it was just bruised at most. He watched her raise a hand to her face and reeled her in further. "I knew a boy who once broke his nose so badly that it was severed from his face. "

She stared at him in disbelief. "Are you serious? "

He nodded. "Quite. They were able to reattach it, although he spent some time in bandages. When the bandages were removed, they found that the nose had been refixed the wrong way. "

"The wrong way?! "

"Yes. It was quite tragic. He had to breath from his mouth all of the time. The other boys made fun of him. Very sad"

Sarah stared at him, and then fluttered her eyelashes while twisting her mouth. "You're teasing me. "

He smiled. "Yes"

"And you're enjoying it! "

"Yes. "

"Humor. Great. " She rolled her eyes and took another slice of mango, while watching Lock cutting into a piece of fruit with his army knife. Kate was sitting not too far away digging in her pack. Sayid was studying Sarah. _She did not need to look up to know_. She felt his eyes on her, and then she heard the conversation again.

"_So just what is it you're suggesting Danielle?" _

"_I think you know. She is one of them. You need to be using this to your advantage. "_

"_And what do you propose I do? Hang her from a tree like bait? "_

" … _You take her there as your prisoner and they will want her back. … If you threaten her, he will let you go - along with all of your friends including the doctor. She is your bargaining chip. "_

"_She is your bargaining chip. " _She heard this a few more times in her head. Danielle was right except for the fact that Ben would not tolerate Sayid using anyone as leverage for anything. He would rather see all of them die than to give into demands just to get her back. It did not matter if he had really pulled the trigger or if she were hit by the blast from Danielle's trap. The fact was that he had drawn his gun on her. Maybe Danielle's trap was faster, but he was still prepared to shoot her in cold blood. She straightened herself, and then said decisively.

"I would understand if you wanted to use me … to get Jack back and to get out of there. "

She heard him draw a breath, and felt his eyes weighing heavily on her. He laid the plate at his side and then rested his arms on his knees. "Sarah, I know that you overheard our conversation. The one between Danielle and me. I know you were there. "

She caught a breath in her throat. She was busted, could she dare look at him now? She nodded and then dropped her head, staring at her hands, and he spoke again. "What I do not understand is, why did you not hear it all instead of leaving in the middle? "

She didn't know why she had said anything at all. Maybe she was trying to prove herself … _still. _Even so, she should not have been surprised that he knew she had overheard them. He nearly always knew just about everything, sometimes even before she knew herself. Yet, hearing him admit that he was well aware of her "spying" on him hurt her more than any retributory consequence.

This was retribution in itself … weighted by the awareness that she might have betrayed his trust.

But, she wasn't purposely snooping. It was not as if she had trailed secretly behind them, hiding in the shadows in order to spy on them clandestinely. She had merely chanced upon them … _Right? _Yes … but she could have walked away. The moment she spotted them standing there, she could have turned, without ever hearing so much as a syllable.

However, he had not questioned her on the actual eavesdropping itself … though one might argue wasn't technically eavesdropping - was it? He was only concerned with the awareness that she hadn't stayed for the encore. Held out until the very bitter end of the discourse.

She didn't want to know how it would end. This was an unrelenting cycle in her head. The part that trusted him completely and the other part that tortured her with what ifs. _Like, what if he agreed with Danielle?_ If she had stayed, there would be no wondering or hoping. Hearing the rest of the conversation carried with it a certain finality for which that she was not ready. She knew the answer, and replied softly. "I didn't want to. "

He fiddled with a twig, and then tossed it into the fire. "Her name was Shannon. The woman whose grave you stumbled upon, on the beach. Did you know her in your dream as well? "

_Shannon? Why was he talking about Shannon? _"I knew _of_ her. "

She also knew that Shannon was the one who had caused his arrest in the airport. Though she did not completely understand why. He flicked a stray glance to her. "In my country, there are very bad people. People who take pride in hurting others with the mistaken conception that they are doing something good. "

"This type of person often commits acts of terror in public places - such as airports. I left my luggage with Shannon - _before we knew each other_. She caused my arrest at the terminal. I never told her that I remembered this. I am accustomed to being identified as one of these people they call terrorists because I was born and was raised where they were born and raised. Because I lived among them. Regardless of where I go, there are those who look at me as if I am going to harm them or perform some unspeakable act of terror against them or the ones they love. However, a person cannot choose where he comes from or where he was raised. "

"_This is not an option_. "

"Shannon and I … We were together for a short time. She began to see Walt appearing out of nowhere. I told her it was a dream or perhaps she was grieving so intensely for her brother. I lost her because I did not believe her soon enough. Not until I saw him for myself. Then it was too late. "

"She died in my arms from a single bullet wound. I wanted to blame everyone around me, when I should have blamed myself. She needed me to believe her and I did not. "

A long stretch of silence lingered between them for quite some time before anything else was spoken. She would later come to view this moment as a brief lapse in coherency in that his message was very plain and hardly difficult to understand by even the simplest of persons. But for now, she was confused. She turned her head, and managed a quick glance in return to his.

"Why are you telling me this? "

"Mmm …" He murmured while pushing himself to his feet. "I will leave you to consider it then. "

And she did consider it, all the way through to some hours later when the flame was just a pile of glowing embers, and everyone was sleeping, unaware that she lie awake on her back, staring into the stars and thinking. Then, as it always did, staring at the stars brought her to the moment he had first told her about the Little She-Camels. They were standing on the boat together, staring up at the vast blanket of stars and he was assuring her that whether they be near each other or miles away, those stars were proof that they would always be together by simply twinkling faithfully in the velvet black sky every night. They were there even when you could not see them. When covered by thick black storm clouds, they remained shining underneath.

_Could it be true?_ What Locke told her? If a man always knows how a woman feels about him, then could Sayid know what she felt for him? The thought made her heart race, but also left her with an uncomfortable awkwardness. Although that feeling of complete exposure is always awkward, isn't it? Like someone pulling the curtain back while you were dressing or taking a shower, and you have nowhere to hide leaving you there shaking and bewildered.

He was snoring, as usual, lying on his back with his face turned towards the sky and arms folded over his chest. This made her smile … just a little. Then she slid her finger in her pocket and suddenly remembered what she was doing just before she had stumbled across that conversation between him and Danielle. She was panicking over the fact that her little trinket had disappeared. Anyone else would consider it a trinket, but to her it was a diamond. A rare diamond that was a once in a lifetime find. _This tiny black button. _

The only place she could have lost it was where she fell. It only made sense. Tomorrow, which would really be sometime later today since it was already in the early morning just before dawn, they would tread through the woods looking for God knows what, and she would leave it behind - if she didn't go back for it. _But she had to go back for it_. She just couldn't leave it there, not after she had carried it so far and through so much!

She raised her head and glanced over the group. All of them were sleeping - even Danielle. She rose carefully, trying not to disturb any of the greenery underneath her, without snapping a single twig. She slinked covertly between her sleeping comrades and gently stepped through the brush, aiming herself towards the place she had stumbled. The only thought in her head was towards that button, and scanning every inch of earth in search of it.

She did scour the ground frantically, going over every patch of grass, turning over every leaf until she had nearly exhausted herself and then she plopped down in exasperation, resting her elbow on her knee and her head in her hands. She had not found anything that looked like a button, and now the twilight was fading into the early pastel morning, while pale daylight turned the ground into shades of deep purple. She just could not leave without it!

She fought back a tearful bought of frustration while sitting there trying to clear her mind. Surely, fate couldn't be so cruel as to take it from her this way? She went at it again, fitfully throwing ground clutter tossed there by the shedding trees and then plopped down suddenly caught up in a wave of emotion, and cried into her hands.

She heard something in the brush and jerked her head upwards, finding John standing over her.

"You all right? "

Had she not been so distraught, she could have cleared her head and made an excuse, but this seemingly insignificant piece of nothing meant everything to her. She flicked wet and blurry eyes upwards and blurted out through tears. "I lost it, John! I've got to find it! I've just got to! "

"Okay. " He said calmly, bending down beside her. "Well, just tell me what we're looking for and I'll help you find it. "

Then he added while holding her in an unwavering gaze. "We _will_ find it. "

This seemed to calm her to a small degree, and she told him she had lost a small blue button. It must have fallen from her pocket. He yanked a piece of cloth from his pants pocket and handed it to her. "Alright then, let's find your button. "

They went over the spot again, turning over twigs, leaves and rocks, but finding nothing but dirt and the occasional worm or slug. "So, you've been out here all night? "

"No, I woke up before dawn. "

"Ah, well, you were stumbling around in the dark. But since it's mornin' it'll be easier to spot in the daylight, don't you think? "

They searched until they heard a voice calling both of them. Sarah quickly yanked her head up, and then grabbed John by the sleeve of his shirt. "John, please don't tell Sayid. "

She had never meant to spill anything about the button. She had hoped to sneak away, retrieve it and then return without telling anyone where she'd really been. She knew her request would seem odd to him, aside from how upset she was upon loosing it in the first place.

He flicked a clear-eyed gaze over her. " I'm sure there's a good reason why you don't want me to tell Sayid you've been out here alone in the dark running your fingers through the dirt looking for a button. "

"Sarah, where have you been? We were looking everywhere for you! "

"It's okay Sayid. " John responded while standing and holding out a hand to help Sarah to her feet. "She just dropped something on her way back. She had to go … _you know_. "

The evidence of Sayid's anger was written under his skin where his jawbone was working furiously. "John, we've all been scouring the area and you didn't think to let us know you had found her? "

Then he turned his glance to Sarah. "And you didn't think to tell anyone where you were going? "

"What the hell's goin on over here?" By now, even Kate had found them by the rise of their voices. "You found her, good. Sarah, are you all right? "

She nodded slowly and then Kate flicked her eyes over the three of them. "Good, then we shouldn't be wasting anymore time then. Right? We need to get goin. "

Everyone let out a long sigh, and then Sayid nodded but not without reservation. "Yes. Yes, you are correct. "

John nudged Sarah forwards, and then he followed her. Kate turned, while Sarah fell behind her, but glanced behind when she heard John call out to Sayid. "Sayid, you comin?

Sayid had stepped into the clearing where she and John were, and raised himself as if standing straight after bending over. He flicked his eyes over Sarah curiously and then gave a quick nod.

"Of course, John. "


	48. The Seventh Star

_**Chapter 48 - The Seventh Star**_

Sarah abandoned her search with much reluctance. She hadn't found what she was looking for. Yes, it sounded completely ridiculous in light of everything. Finding her lost button … helping Jack. Which was more pressing? And what resounded back every time was the idea of having that damn button returned to her pocket.

For some reason it just seemed that with it there, the world was right … and even if not, everything would somehow turn out right in the end. But, with it gone, nothing seemed right at all.

They had swiftly gathered their supplies, all but Sarah who drug her feet on getting her own things together. She kept glancing back towards the place thinking if she only had a few more minutes, maybe she would find it somehow. Then she'd catch sight of Sayid's agitated glance and knew she would have no other chance.

John took up the head leading them northwards. They went this way because that's where Eko's stick told them to go.

Flight 815 had flown for two hours in the wrong direction before it crashed. Initially, while still in flight, it met with severe turbulence that tore it into three sections. The cockpit and front of the plane along with the mid-section landed closer together as opposed to the tail, which crashed into the opposite end of the island.

The reunion of the two groups happened after Michael's idea to build a raft, hoping to find rescue, failed. What they found was their first real encounter with the others - aside from Ethan Rom, who had initially infiltrated their group pretending to be a survivor.

The others had disguised themselves in tattered clothes, and Tom, who was calling himself Zeke at the time, sported a fake beard. They overtook the raft, kidnapped Walt and nearly destroyed the raft with explosives. Jin went missing and the other two soon discovered that the tide would eventually circle them back to the island. (Just not to the part of the beach they had come to refer to as home.)

The currents carried them to the opposite end of the island where, unbeknownst to them, the survivors of the tail section had also been fighting for their own survival. Apparently, this group had experienced a slightly more aggressive sect of others. They were infiltrated by a man named Goodwin who quickly formed a list of names that he returned to the others, who in turn raided their camp on the beach several times, taking over half of their people - including two small children. Thus, Jin's initial emergence from the tide, along with Walt and Sawyer washing up on shore the next day hardly inspired a friendly welcoming party.

This was their first encounter with Mr. Eko's stick. Michael and Sawyer had found themselves on shore, looked up and saw Jin running towards them stammering in Korean. He was followed by a group of people and out of the group emerged a very angry looking tall and muscular black man. He charged them like a wild bull, raised this smooth, baton-like weapon over his head and then everything went black.

Once convinced that the three were also survivors of flight 815, the remaining survivors from the tail-section insisted on being led back to Jack's group. Therefore, they trekked across the island, Ana Lucia with her gun - the gun that would shortly end Shannon's life - and Mr. Eko with his stick.

It had been picked clean of any leaves or stems and really appeared to be more of a staff instead of just a mere stick - although there was no fancy curvature or decoration adorning the top. He'd carved the wood until it had become a menagerie of pictures, scriptures and sayings.

It was so much a part of him that John insisted that they could not bury him without it. He was lowering it into Eko's shallow grave when a beam of light hit it in just the right spot, exposing one carving in particular. The words impressed him immediately. _"John. Go North. " _

Now, John appreciated facts, figures, and tangible evidence, but he was very much a signs and wonders type of individual. When he noticed this writing, he knew then where they needed to go in order to find Jack, Kate and Sawyer. It was simple. If they wanted to rescue them, they would need to go North.

Sarah eyed John moving along ahead, carrying the stick as if it were his own. As if it had been passed down through some rite of passage. Then she thought of Jude and wondered.

_Could he have been telling her the truth? _

She turned her head when Kate strode up beside her. Her face was pink under the heat of the afternoon sun and she looked tired. Sarah hardly believed the ridiculous words that came out of her own mouth. "Do you … Do you think my nose is broken? "

Kate tried to hide her smile while tilting her head. "I dunno. It doesn't look like it ... But I'm not a doctor. "

Sarah nodded. "Oh."

Maybe she just wanted to distract herself from the other random thoughts flying through her head. Like how she'd lost her little good luck charm somewhere now a couple of miles behind them and would never see it again. Or the growing knot in her stomach the closer they came to finding Ben and the others. She didn't know where they were anymore than her comrades did. But there was a feeling sitting somewhere deep inside of her and it was slowly taking her captive with fleeting thoughts of what he might do once she was in his grasp again.

_Then there was the flutter. _

She turned her head at the hint of movement and caught a glimpse of green flickering through the trees.

_And then the sound_.

It was similar to a cricket, but had a grinding component to it. _She knew what it was_.

She didn't realize that she had stopped solid in her footsteps, or that she had turned herself towards the thick jungle, staring into it like a statue. She did not hear her name called, nor did she see the group disperse like ants skittering across the ground.

The first few seconds were a blur. John flipped around while Danielle ordered everyone to run. Kate went after Danielle with John and Sayid not far behind. Sarah remained planted in the middle of the clearing as if in a trance. Everyone assumed she was behind them, but when Sayid looked back, he caught sight of her. He called her name and then went after her, with John trailing after.

Sarah blinked and then turned around staring at them, as two dark clouds seemed to sprout up from the ground, merge into one and then moved in between them, dividing the three. Sarah on one side, Sayid and John on the other. It curled itself around and circled her until she was dizzy. But she heard them calling her. She saw nothing but black smoke all around her, but she could hear her name. They had not abandoned her. Neither Sayid nor John.

Then she was on her knees, clenching her head and screaming. "Leave me alone! Just leave me alone! "

She screamed again when she felt something touch her. She opened her eyes and found John and Sayid standing there, with no sign of any monster. She stared up blankly.

"Wha … what happened? "

Sayid knelt down, flicking a concerned gaze over her. "Are you hurt? "

"It just left. " John responded. "It was right here and you were screaming at it and then suddenly it was just gone. "

She nodded, but was not fully aware of what he was telling her. She was staring into a pair of brown eyes and couldn't tear her own eyes away. "You came back. You came back for me. "

For a moment, she thought she had recognized the Sayid she'd left behind before she'd awoken in the Hydra, tied down to a cot. She thought she had seen him look at her the way she'd remembered. The way that made her tremble but strengthened her both at the same time.

There were voices calling them from the brush ahead, and Locke nudged Sayid who shook his head. "Do not ever do that again. "

"It was strange. " John rattled off, watching Sayid pull Sarah to her feet. "The way it cut you off from us like that. And then the way it just disappeared when you screamed. "

They traveled another mile or so before determining that they would need to setup camp again. The idea didn't seem to sit well with Sayid. He and John were different in this way. John went north because he simply had faith that he should go that way. Sayid, on the other hand, was not a man of huge faith and had humored John as a way of acknowledgment. John and Jack had worked together until Jack's capture and so John could be thought of as second in command and naturally would be looked to lead if something happened to Jack.

Sarah settled herself into a spot on the ground near the crackling fire and watched the sparks float up, wondering just where this quest would lead them. Would they really find Jack this way?

She had made an enormous effort to avoid glancing at Danielle, but there were times she caught herself flicking a stray gaze here and there. How could she not? This woman was Alex's mother. In truth, she looked just like her. Danielle seemed to represent an older Alex, with the same large dark blue eyes and wavy dark brown hair. They certainly shared the same bravado she'd known Alex for.

So, did this mean that Ben had taken her as well? Or, had Danielle and Ben … No. She couldn't think about that … Danielle and Ben?

Her mind flitted back and forth between Danielle, Jack, Ben, Jude, the button to John and Sayid and then to Jack again. Eventually it would rest on the thick black smoke and then she would start to count in her head.

This continued into the night and even into the quiet moments when everyone was sleeping, and she should have been sleeping. She'd close her eyes and some random image would explode into her head. If it wasn't the smoke monster, it was Jude laughing at her from the other end of the rifle, or Ben demanding she push the button or be shocked by the taser, or it was the plane crash and a half a billion other things. She tried just breathing slow and counting. No effort on her part gave any relief.

She eventually sat up straight, drawing her knees under her chin and stared at the glowing embers, listening to the occasional snap or pop. Her restlessness had stirred Sayid, who rolled over, yawned and then spoke. _She was not surprised_. "What are you doing? You should be sleeping. Who knows how long of a journey we have ahead of us. "

She shrugged. "I tried. "

"I see. "

She tossed her head in his direction and frowned, letting out a sigh. "Well, do you have any ideas? "

"I would say read a book, but I do not think either of us have one handy at the moment. "

Rolling her eyes, she shifted a little when he sat up and pushed himself next to her. No one else seemed to be disturbed by their conversation … if they were they certainly did not appear to be.

"So, this morning, when we were all looking for you, just what were looking for … out there? "

If she had learned anything about Sayid it was that his questions were never indirect by any means of the word. Yet, his pointedness always threw her off kilter. She dropped her head, and then answered. "It's … kind of embarrassing. "

He let a moment pass and then nodded. "I understand. "

He offered her some water and then turned his head upwards. "If there's anything to appreciate about this place it's the view of the night sky. You can see the constellations clearly. That's not so in the city where the streetlights block most of the stars. "

"Do you know anything of star constellations? "

"Well … no not really. "

"It is a good aide for direction if you are say, in the middle of a jungle without a compass. "

Well, at least he had gotten the smallest chuckle out of her. He raised a hand and pointed, outlining several strands of stars that he called the big dipper. From there, he pointed out Polaris, the North Star. He hesitated for a moment, looked at her and then said. "It is easier to see if you are lying down. "

"Oh. "

He then suggested she might want the pack under her head. And so he continued with her lying on her back, resting her head on the pack and staring up at those stars that they lay together under. She had not intended on telling him that she knew of the seven little she-camels, but he must have read it on her face. "You know this already? "

"Well, sort of. They're the seven she-camels. You uh … well, you told me before. "

"Kala'is, yes. Perhaps then, I did not tell you all of it? "

She smiled. "I dunno. "

"There were seven little she-camel stars, but now you can see only six of them. There has been much speculation as to why there are only six remaining of the seven. There are many stories. My mother had her own. One of which she often told when I was a boy and could not sleep. "

"Do you see there? The very large star, second from the big dippers handle? Some call it the horse and rider because it is two stars joined together as a double star. "

"One night, when the moon was not shining, the seventh star fell from the sky. It broke into two parts in the air and each one fell thousands of miles apart from the other. Neither one knowing how it had come to be, they spent many years roaming the earth as two separate people, unable to find any peace. Each one desperately searching for a purpose, a reason for merely existing. "

"Then as if by fate, they met. Each one saw the other and then knew that they had found their purpose. Reunited, they found their way to the skies once more, but this time as not one but two stars melded together as one. A double star. "

This was certainly a new story that she had not heard before, and it was a different story than what she would expect to hear from him. Nevertheless, she liked it. It wouldn't have mattered what the story. She was content to lie there listening to his voice. His was calming and soothed her unlike Ben who always left her empty and very unsettled.

He continued pointing out other stars until her eyes grew heavy. She hadn't even realized she'd closed them, as all she was concentrating on was the sound of his voice. Gone were the flickering images of Jude, the smoke monster and the other visions that had kept her from sleeping

Halfway into full slumber, she rolled on her side and tucked her hands under her head, unaware that he watched her with a steady gaze. The last words she heard before she drifted were.

"You have not yet told me of this man you loved. "

**_A/N - _**_T__hank you so much Glynnis for sticking around so faithfully! And welcome to my newest readers Shedyourmask and Bloodmoonrising! This one was kind of difficult to eek out but I hope you guys enjoy it! _


	49. Alpha Males

**Chapter 49 - _Alpha Males_**

The one single event that Sarah hated about waking up after sleeping all night in the open was the sticky feeling on her skin. Her eyes fluttered open, staring into the murky sky that had held the stars in its velvet hand the night before.

Small chunks of sunlight were breaking through the early morning.

They had setup camp near a small stream, just on the other side of the tree line. She rose up; thinking she probably had enough time to at least throw some water on her face.

Danielle was the first one she noticed missing. It really shouldn't have been surprising, considering that she had supposedly lived alone in the jungle for the previous sixteen years.

Sarah envied her in a sense, but also felt a fraction of pity. It was a strange feeling, considering that both in her vision and now, in the present, Danielle seemed to have a personal abhorrence to not just her presence, but also her very existence. Yet, she _was_ Alex's mother. An obvious fact that could not be ignored. The natural progression from there was to wonder how Alex would react knowing Ben had left her mother wandering alone in the wilderness for so many years.

John and Sayid were slumbering still as if they weren't resting under clusters of jungle that towered above them in foreboding arches over the path they would soon journey through. She tried to push it down, but the notion resurfaced when she let her thoughts stray. A creeping feeling that said, what if they were walking into something above their heads? Marching towards a battle they were not going to win?

She shook herself and then let her eyes rest fondly over the two of them. She could not help but be amused. One would let out a long snore and then the other replied in a quick snort.

"_You have not yet told me of this man you loved._ " Is that really what she heard before dropping off to sleep? Certainly, she was just dreaming or just simply misunderstood.

He let out another long snore and then John responded on cue with a snort. She smiled again, unaware that Kate had awoken as well. Sarah flipped her head at the detection of movement and felt a bit off guard after discovering Kate sitting up - watching her. She really didn't know what to think, feeling almost as if someone had been watching her take a pee.

She cleared her throat and then quietly slinked towards Kate, hoping her feelings were hidden well enough, and then whispered. "I'm gonna go wash my face. "

Surprisingly, she found Danielle by the stream, filling a bottle of water. Sarah could not help but ponder the resemblance between her and Alex, oblivious of her intense staring. She shifted her feet awkwardly when the woman flicked up a steely glare. "I … I was just gonna … wash my face. "

Danielle said nothing.

Sarah flicked a nervous glance on her, and then moved towards the stream, bending over and splashing the crisp water over her face. Tiny flecks wedged between her eyelashes creating sparkles of light above her eyes. She would have enjoyed the feeling immensely had Danielle not remained, stiffly watching her.

She turned and offered meagerly. "She … she looks just like you. "

Nothing.

"S … she doesn't know. She thinks Ben … Henry … she thinks … "

She spent several minutes spitting out a mouthful of disjointed words, desperately trying to put together something meaningful and worthy of her sister. Yet, regardless of the effort, nothing she said made a difference. She finally blew out a puff of air, straightened herself and blurted. "I know what you think. That I'm one of them. That I'm gonna somehow betray John and Sayid, and the others. I don't even know why I'm trying. You're just gonna believe what you want to anyway. "

She was right. Danielle remained seemingly unaffected by her earnest discourse. They stood there, locking eyes until Danielle impassively closed the almost one-sided conversation with a sobering word. "If it were up to me, you would be dead. But, Sayid seems to think you are worth more if kept around. "

With that said, Danielle coolly turned and disappeared through the trees leaving Sarah staring, arms hanging at her sides. The stream gurgled playfully behind her, as if the world was right and full of promise. But she stood somberly, unable to take in what she'd just heard.

She stood there, sucking in air, fighting back a sting of wetness in her eyes. This was not the time for the small, frightened Sarah to overwhelm her with feelings of hopelessness, of insignificance. What did she mean anyway? Sayid thought she was worth more if kept around instead of being dead? She ran a hand through her hair, blew out a big breath and then shook herself. _There_. There … everything was fine. Danielle was simply trying to rattle her. That's all, and nothing more.

She ran a hand over her face, and then took one step after the other until she had cleared the thick grove of trees, nearing their camp. She slowed upon hearing the strained conversation between Locke and Sayid. Kate was positioned between them, and it was clear that the tension between the two had come to a head.

Sayid raised en eye towards Sarah, and then turned his back on John. "Let's go. "

She knew better than to ask questions. Though Sayid, like Jack, could switch from gentle to angry in a flash, John had a slow anger that kindled over time, but both men were better off left alone once they reached boiling point.

Sayid jumped ahead of the group, aggressively hacking away at overhanging brush and bamboo. Locke fell in second, Kate and then Danielle. Sarah trailed behind, quietly trying to shut out the feelings Danielle had managed to resurface with her words.

She was so lost in thought that she barely noticed the distance they'd traveled or when Sayid slung a bunch of bamboo from their path and then decided they should stop and eat. This was the first anyone had spoken since they'd left their last campsite.

They stopped under high - towering trees, lowering their packs. Then the power struggle between Locke and Sayid continued.

"Are we still on course? "

Sayid dropped his pack and then tilted his head, stared at his compass and then flicked a quick glare at John. "We're still heading North on a bearing of three zero five … _Yes_. "

"I'm sensing a lack of confidence. "

"We've been walking for two days following a compass bearing provided by the carvings on a stick. "

It was both uncomfortable, and amusing to witness their exchange. They went back and forth over whether or not this mere stick could really point the way to where the others were. Two opinionated males, stubborn and each with his own ideas, battling as naturally two alpha males would.

"I dunno what we're gonna chance on, Sayid. But … my bearing is the only bearing we got. "

Sayid finally dropped his head, yielding this no win conversation, and then raised it again with an irritated smirk. "I'm going to find some food. And then John, we're going to have a rational conversation regarding our next move. "

Danielle flicked her eyes between Sarah and Locke. "Perhaps you should ask her, in place of arguing among yourselves. "

John turned, and then answered. "And why is that? "

"According to Sayid she has lived with them her entire life. If anyone would know where the others were. "

"As a prisoner, Danielle. A victim, same as you. She's one of us. "

His blue eyes met hers, and then Sarah turned, going through the same space between the trees that Sayid had. She plodded through a little ways and found him picking fruit, his watch caught reflections of the sunlight shining hot above them. She watched him for a moment, working at each piece of fruit until it came off the vine in his hand, until he glanced at her quickly, letting her know he was aware of her.

She took a step forwards. "Sayid, why are you being so hard on John? "

"You think I'm being difficult? "

"Well, I … you're just different. You just see things differently. Does that mean one is right and the other is wrong? "

He dropped his arms briefly and then shot her a flash of irritation. "Tell me then, do _you_ know where to go? Do _you_ know where the others are? "

A question such as this should have sent her retreating off to lick her wounds. _Especially coming from him_. Instead, she found herself angry, hearing Danielle in the back of her head.

"Is that what you think? That I know where they are? "

He yanked another piece of fruit.

"Are you gonna trade me off to them, then? Danielle said … She implied …Is it true? I told you I would give myself up to them to help you and Jack! I said I would do it on my own! You don't need to string me along ! Are you gonna answer me? "

She should have never said anything at all and still she didn't know why she was saying it now. Though, there she was rattling off with no self-control and he was furiously picking fruit. That is, until he suddenly whipped his head around with his finger to his mouth. "Shh ... "

She replied. "You're shushing me? "

He stepped forwards, and then spoke again, this time very close to her face. "Be quiet. "

He locked eyes with her, and then something turned her head. Something he had heard, but she could not for the constant yammering of her own voice. "What is that? "

"Stay here. " He answered, gathering his rifle over his shoulder and creeping across the ground.

You would have thought she should have learned by now, but she fell in behind him, through the high grass and bamboo until the sound was right in front of them. A large reddish-brown animal with short kinky fur, an enlarged head and a long skinny tail. _A cow_. She had seen them in a book, but never in person. A large brass colored bell hung from it's neck and clanged when it moved it's head. Sarah gasped when she saw it.

Sayid slowly shook his head, tossed a glance over his shoulder and said softly. "Don't you ever listen? "

There was quick whistle, Sayid cocked the rifle, and the cow turned, vanishing through the tall grass. Sayid slinked through the grass behind it, and Sarah after him until they reached the last line of trees and brush that bordered a wide clearing.

There before them was a large wooden structure. Bluish walls and a dark roof. It was crowned by a large dish that pointed towards the sky. There was a wooden fence enclosing two more cows, one of them black and white. Another animal stood, tied to the side of the building that looked like a house. This was a brown and white horse that sported a saddle on its back.

The brown cow walked a little ways towards the house and was greeted by a man wearing something akin to a grey jumpsuit. He carried a pail, and he reached out a hand, patting the cow on the head.

Sarah cringed when the man swung open the gate, making an ominous creaking sound. He led the cow behind the fence, and then shut the gate. He rubbed his hands on his pants, sweeping a glance over the area. Enough that the two of them caught a good look at his face. Sarah gasped.

"_Did they … Well ... Did they find anything in there? The Pearl? " Sarah said finally, after staring for several minutes out over the shoreline._

"_Aye, " Des said. " There was a man. "_

"_A man? You found a man in there? "_

"_Not in the hatch, no. One of the cameras. Once Sayid found the right one, it came on an' there was a man with a patch over his eye. He looked in the camera an' then switched it off. "_

The man scanned the area with his one good eye, while the other was covered with a black patch. Seemingly satisfied, he turned back, opened the side door to the house and went in, shutting the door behind him.

Sarah blinked while gaping at the house. She barely even noticed Sayid turn his head. He flicked a glance over her and then asked. "Do you know this man? "

She didn't know him, anymore than she knew the house, the horse or the cow. But she did know that a man with a patch over his eye had looked up into the camera in the pearl station, raised his hand and shut it off. And something about him made the hair on her arms stand up straight.

She couldn't tear her gaze from the house as she shook her head and whispered. "No. "

"Sarah. " He said again, grasping her shoulder. "I need you to go find John and the others. "

She nodded, only half-aware of what he was telling her to do.

"I need you to go find them and bring them here. Can you do that? Sarah, are you listening to me? "

She flicked her eyes upwards. "Sayid, I don't know him. "

"Alright. Then you do not know him. "

"What about you? What are you gonna do? "

"I'm just going to circle the house. " He answered. "Nothing more. Now please. "

She stared at the house and then at him, a knot growing in the pit of her stomach. She did not know the man, but he was one of them. The feeling gripped her until she was nauseas.

She sighed, bobbed her head and then stepped back. Sayid watched her turn, and then she regretfully vanished into the tall grass.


	50. Love

_**A/N This is a shorter chapter than usual being about five pages to my normal seven to ten. At any rate, I'm still fairly satisfied with it. As usual I try to not make it a complete repeat of the episode by adding just enough so that we know where we are and then moving on. Thanks to Glynnis for sticking by it thus far and heads up to my newest reviewer BloodMoonRising. Hope you enjoy:) **_

_**Chapter Fifty - Love  
**_

_**Love**. You have not yet told me of this man you loved. _

Why was she thinking of this now? Now when she was flinging back weeds on her way to retrieving John Locke and the others at Sayid's command. She told him there was someone, but had she said she loved him? Had she even said it was a man?

Come to think of it, she had never told him she loved him in the first place. She had never used those words aloud. _Not to him_. They stood together on the boat. She was standing there crying and he took her in his arms. She remembered how warm and gentle his hands when he held her face and stared into her eyes. And then he told her he loved her. Then she cried in his arms. But she'd not spoken the same words. She had said many things, but not that.

_I love you. _

If only she hadn't fallen while acting so childish over this Cabana Boy thing. If she hadn't dropped the one tangible artifact that remained of the past. The one thing that brought it out of just sheer memory and made it real. The one thing she could have shoved into Ben's face and said, see this? There's your proof!

She threw a bamboo leaf from her eyes and wondered. What were they doing out here anyway, when the Hydra was on another island? _Right._Because Karl, Alex's boyfriend - whom Alex had never told Sarah about - said that the others only used the Hydra for their work. They lived on this island … somewhere.

_Ben's Village._ That's what Jude called it. She wondered if they lived in houses similar to the one she'd left Sayid spying on somewhere behind her. Little houses with fences and cows. Had Alex lived there as well?

And what of Jack? Either they left him in the Hydra, took him with them or …well, she wasn't going to think about the or. She couldn't bring herself to.

Sarah shook her head. Thinking about it did little to nothing about anything.

She reached the clearing where she and Sayid had left the other three. She stepped out of the bushes, they turned and then she froze. They were all staring at her. She had returned alone, without Sayid.

Danielle squinted suspiciously, and even Kate eyed her with caution. She might have even been convinced to tackle and bind Sarah, thinking she had led Sayid into a trap - had John not been there.

Sarah was grateful for his unexplainable comradeship and then told them she and Sayid had found something in the jungle. He had sent her to retrieve and lead them there.

Danielle did grumble once or twice on the way, but was ignored by the other two whose interest was peeked enough to dismiss the typical ramblings of the island recluse. She eventually trailed behind them, occasionally flicking a glint of dissatisfaction towards Sarah, who could not help but wonder why such mistrust had sprouted between them.

Yes, it was understandable that initially there would be misgivings, but Danielle certainly did seem to carry grudges a long time. The only conclusion was that perhaps Sarah's own presence put a face to the others. These mysterious antagonists who had stolen her child at birth and raised her while leaving Danielle wandering in the wilderness for sixteen years. Now, here Sarah was, standing before her, representing what Danielle hated for so long. No wonder it was so easy to transfer the whole of her aggression onto Sarah. Whatever the reason, it would not be a simple task to gain her trust, even a tiny sprout.

Sayid met them just outside of the brush that covered the clearing where they discovered the house. He advised they be as quiet as possible and then led them past the brush, to the edge of the clearing.

The next few minutes went by with Sarah hardly aware of it, while the other four discussed the setting before them. Kate went into her pack and withdrew the binoculars, and then passed them around to the others. She passed them to someone else when Sarah failed to acknowledge her.

She had heard the horse whinny and then a flash of something brought a faded memory to the front of her mind.

"_Come on. It's just a pony, it's tame. See? It even likes you! " He had her by the hand, while Jack watched. _

_She stared up at the animal curiously but not without reservation. Though a small pony, it towered over her. It shook its thick white mane and then snorted while stretching its cold wet nose out and bumping her hand. _

"_Christian, " She said. " Maybe you should just let it be. You shouldn't try to force her. " _

_Little Sarah flicked a hesitant gaze to the dark- haired woman, thankful for her input. _

Christian?_Christian_. That _was_ his name, wasn't it? Then why had the apparition called itself Tom? On second thought, however, one could also ask why it made itself look like Sayid. It did what it wanted and there probably would never be a definitive explanation.

The one certainty was that it was not Christian Sheppard. _Christian Sheppard was dead. _

Dead? She'd never stopped long enough to process this before. Her mind whirled, what happened to him? What sort of strange, but twisted fate was this? Jude just happened to put her on the same flight with Jack and John. A flight bearing Christian Sheppard's body? How crazy and completely insane was that?

"Hey. Are you all right? " Kate asked after a few minutes.

She barely heard Kate's voice among her roar of her own thoughts. Raising her head, she answered with a slow nod. "I … yea. I just, well … the horse, it just reminded me of … "

Her sentence was cut short by the abrupt silence, along with the eyes resting heavily on her. She flicked a gaze to the ground. "… It's not really important. "

Sayid looked at her in a way that said he would have pressed her were they not in their current situation, but for now, their focus was on investigating that house … and the man within.

They had determined the structure was isolated, given that Sayid had circled it in its entirety and found nothing but surrounding jungle. Considering the large dish resting atop, Sayid asserted that it was most definitely a communications center of some sort, but Danielle said she had never seen the place before.

Kate referenced the man at the Pearl station and then asked. "Who is he? "

Sayid stood. "There's only one way to find out. "

He handed her his rifle and continued. "We ask him. "

He furthered that he would approach the house unarmed, increasing the chances that the man would feel unthreatened, but that she should cover him on the chance that the man considered him a threat regardless.

"What? " Sarah hadn't even realized she'd spoken until everyone looked at her.

Danielle turned back towards the jungle insisting that she had no interest in the man, nor in this type of encounter and that she would wait for them by the stream.

Sayid turned towards the house and stepped forwards.

"W … wait a minute. You … w …what are you doing? "

She stared at him with pleading eyes until his brows turned in. "Are you certain you do not know this man? "

"I don't know him. But … I. "

She must have been unsuccessful in hiding her feelings, for the look on his face when he flitted dark eyes over her. "Kate and John are more than capable … There's little danger. "

Then she watched him turn again and slowly break through the brush.

_It was the ' little' that worried her. _

He paced himself carefully, one foot in front of the other and raised both palms in the air. John stepped stealthily forwards to the edge of the brush and then ducked down, readying his handgun. Sarah flinched at the pop of the loading chamber.

_Truth be told, she had seen enough of guns as of late. _

Sayid continued his approach while taking it all in. Scanning every detail around him. Then he suddenly paused, turning his head towards something. A small tattered grey animal. Sarah squinted trying to make out the details.

There was a movement, just above in the window and the edge of what looked like a rifle poking its way through the shutter. There was no thinking or deciding what action, if any, to take. She didn't stop to ask. She bolted, skimming the ground with her feet towards Sayid yelling. "No! "

An explosive discharge shuddered through her. She flinched and then spotted Sayid flying back a little. He crumpled downwards, flopping over on his back while the one-eyed man blasted out a cry of retaliation.

"I didn't cross the line! We had a truce! This is MY land … you said I could stay here! "

Sayid rolled forwards, with his palm pressed against his upper arm. "I'm not who you think I am. My name is Sayid Jarrah. "

"NO … no stop! PLEASE, please stop! " Sarah screamed, staring at the window.

Sayid insisted that he had crashed on the island in an airplane, months ago and he was unarmed. The man paused and then replied. "Stay right there! " While slamming the window shut.

Sarah scrambled forwards, dropping down by Sayid, who raised his head. "It's okay. It's just my arm. "

"But you're bleeding …Your …" Her eyes fluttered back the emotion she fought so desperately to hide. "And that man … "

Sayid rose up a little when the door squeaked open, and Sarah jerked her head, staring at the opening. Then she saw the tip of the rifle. She stood up screaming. "No! " But then, at the sound of gunfire, dropped down between he and Sayid.

Her face in the dirt, she was helpless while bullets thumped into the earth all around her. She could only think of Sayid and turned her head to get a glimpse of him crouching low on his knees.

"Drop the rifle! " Locke yelled." Drop it right now! "

Sarah raised her head and saw John scrambling past her, and the man poised upright, with his hands in the air.

"Now, back up. " John motioned. "Back up. "

Sarah flung her head around in time to see Kate nearing Sayid. She'd moved in closer and asked him if he was all right. John retrieved the man's weapon, and then he entered the house, intending on securing its safety as well. Kate draped an arm over Sayid, while demanding to know who the man was. He responded. "My name is Mikhail Bakunin, and I am the last living member of the Dharma Initiative. "

The next few minutes were a blur to Sarah. In the presence of the man, she noted a feeling returning. She knew it well. It was the same sense of insecurity she felt whenever Ben was near. The same feeling of smallness, insignificance. It was slow at first, creeping through her until it overwhelmed her. This man was capable of things Sarah didn't want to know about. She could feel it. Could someone be pure evil?

Kate and Sayid were standing side by side, Sayid leaning on Kate for support. Mikhail stepped back, letting Kate move Sayid towards the door, and together they helped him up into the house. Sarah stood just outside of the entrance, watching as if on another plane of existence. She would have thought she had somehow ceased to exist had Mikhail not turned his head to her. " And who are you ? "


	51. Would you Like to Save the World?

**_Chapter 51 - Would You Like to Save the World? _**

****

_And who are you? _She heard the question as if she were somewhere outside of herself watching, unable to recognize that it had been directed towards her. She stood in the entranceway, with the whispering of the wind in the trees behind her, studying Mikhail as he plopped Sayid into the midsection of a rust colored couch with two square cushions perched on either end.

She flinched when Sayid groaned. His attempt at covering the severity of the pain made itself evident upon the lines of his face and in his clenched jaw. Kate turned her head briefly to the door. "Her name is Sarah. "

"I see. " Mikhail said, examining Sayid's bloodied arm. "So … Sarah, did you crash here on the island as well? "

It would have been a simple question, were it not for the present circumstance, and for the sense of mistrust running wild in her head. She nodded slowly, although his face was turned from her. Then she all but stuttered. "Uh …Y … yeah. "

Sayid stared up at him while Kate watched from a couple of feet away. "You've had experience treating gunshot wounds? "

Mikhail paused for a moment and then a slight smile broke through before he answered. Raised in Kiev, Mikhail joined the Soviet Army and served as a medic in Afghanistan. Sarah had no idea where any of these places were, but Sayid seemed to know. All that seemed significant to her was that he was a soldier, like Sayid.

Sayid fell back into the cushions and Mikhail instructed a reluctant Kate to retrieve the medical kit from the kitchen. Sarah stood by the door, rigid and feeling as though the ground was moving beneath her. That sick feeling in her stomach began to crawl upwards the same as when they were in the Pearl. She barely heard their words for the staggered breaths Sayid let in and out. He flopped his head over the back of the couch, panting with his mouth gaped open, sweat rolling over his face.

Mikhail said that he was dismissed from the military after the cold war and after years of committing atrocities against their enemies, he found himself wanting to do something good. So he replied to an advertisement in the paper that asked read ...

_Would you like to save the world?_

There was something faulty in the way that he spoke. Something familiar. It was Mikhail's face, Mikhail's voice ... but the words. They were spoken in a way that reminded her of someone else.

_Of Ben. _

Ben loved to find a persons weakness and exploit it in order to lure one into trusting him. There Sayid sat, a man who had shouldered the burden of shame from his own crimes. Crimes for which he had no other choice but to commit. Crimes that haunted him in the night. And there was Mikhail talking about wanting to do something good after doing so much bad.

Between her thoughts drifting, and the growing queasiness, she hardly noticed Kate return with the medical kit, much less the remainder of the conversation. She caught remnants of some discussion over a purge initiated by Dharma and the conditions by which the others allowed Mikhail to remain there at the communications station after they overthrew Dharma and took over the hatches.

She didn't hear anymore once glancing up and spotting the brown-skinned woman sliding around the couch and placing herself next to Sayid. She was lighter than he, just a little, and then Sarah recognized her. She had seen this woman in part of her vision when she was with Jack in the Hydra. Christian, _calling himself Tom_, appeared to her after another round of tasering at the hand of Ben.

_She had crossed the room, readying herself for what might lie behind the next door, when something stopped her. A deep sob with a heartbreaking admission. _

_"Yes, I remember you! Your face has haunted me every day since I left Iraq. " _

_The voice sent her reeling around, catching a glimpse of Sayid chained to the floor, crying nearly as much as she ever had, before a pristine, but quiet woman who was smoothing down the fur of a grey and white cat that lay docile in her lap. The woman listened teary-eyed while he choked. "I am sorry for what I did to you. " _

_He managed those last words before he crumbled into a drawn up pile. The heavy chains that bound him hit the wooden floor with such a sound. Such a distressingly tragic thump._

It was frightening and confusing at the time, but now she wondered. Was this woman truly someone from Sayid's past, or perhaps his future …_an increasingly troublesome thought._ Or could it be something she had not thought of before. Could it be that it was a picture of all the darkness he had harbored in his heart for so long? The woman embodying the whole of his supposed victims and the chains being the weightiness of his own guilt?

But if so, why was she here … _Now?_

Sarah stared at the woman and noticed one puzzling fact. She was not looking back. To be exact, the woman sat as if she was unaware of anyone else in the room. She sat upright, with her hands in her lap stroking the grey and white cat without as much as a blink.

Sarah tilted her head curiously, waiting for someone to say something … But no one seemed to notice the woman and her cat. Frankly, no one noticed Sarah staring off seemingly into empty space either. Sayid was busy gathering information in the midst of the torturing of a pair of metal tweezers making their way to the bullet deep inside of his arm.

Sarah swiftly snapped out of her thoughts when he wrenched his head to the side while grimacing. He raised it again, shiny-faced and holding a puff of air in his cheeks. She stepped forwards, eyes glistening, unaware of the clenched fists at her sides while his jaw stiffened and he sucked in his bottom lip. She took another step forwards, hand flying over her mouth gasping when he let out a raw grunt.

_Then it was over. _

Mikhail held up the metal tweezers and there a single bullet rest between the prongs. It made a sickening clinking sound when he released it into the small metal dish. But, Sayid's eyes never left his. They never strayed until he caught a glimpse of the small tattered animal pawing at the floor. It was a ratty looking thing, but Sarah realized it was a cat tearing at a faded swath of carpet.

It appeared to be an opposing mirror image of the beautiful animal the woman held in her lap. A small, tattered silver thing, matted fur and a small worn face. The shadow of youth. Sarah nearly pitied it until she heard something that snapped her eyes upwards. Mikhail had muttered something in a strange language and then snipped. "Nadia!"

Sarah was not the only one who was surprised by the name. Sayid flipped his eyes from the carpet to Mikhail's face. "What did you say? "

Sarah, turned her attention to the empty space next to Sayid as a slow dizziness settled in. The woman had disappeared. She had not merely stood up and walked away, she vanished. How Sarah's stomach swelled inside of her as if it were going to expel itself from her throat while she distantly heard Mikhail reference some athlete who was also named Nadia and the person to whom the cat was named.Sarah stared blankly at the couch, shivering.

"Sarah, are you alright? "

She looked at Sayid, shocked at his concern. He was the one who was injured and bleeding all over the couch. She bobbed her head a little. "Y … yea. I just … I'm gonna just step outside a minute. If it's okay? "

"I think you should stay here. " Kate warned, glancing at Sayid for backup.

"It's fairly safe to walk around outside, as long as she stays around the front here. The others will not cross the line. "

Sayid shifted his gaze to Mikhail and then nodded. Sarah stepped down from the steep doorway, and released a large breath of air, hoping she wasn't going to vomit. Thinking of Jack, she took the next few breaths through her nose, hoping she would return to some normalcy.

The fresh air brought only minimal relief. After taking a few short steps, she leaned against the house, and found herself eye to eye with the brown and white horse, who had turned its head to its rear, curious about the rustling behind it. It snorted among the clanging of the cowbells inside the fence where they hung from the necks of the cattle.

She stepped around its side, remembering that when she rode the pony, she was told to stay from its rear end on the chance that it might decide to kick up its heals and you walk away with a shiny new horseshoe tattoo on your forehead. _That is, if you were lucky. _

She approached it fascinated and timid all at once. It tossed its head a little and then shook its main as if greeting her. She didn't know much about horses, but there was something strange about this one. It sported shorter, smoother fur, a very pretty animal. Yet, this was not the puzzle. The horse was obviously much larger than the meager pony, but the saddle looked nearly the same. It wasn't necessarily the saddle itself, but the stirrups. They seemed to be just as short as the ones on the pony. She wondered how on earth someone like Mikhail could ride, unless he was very good at bending his knees, or perhaps he rode a bit raised from the saddle. That seemed uncomfortable, but who was she to judge?

She was startled for just a moment when it nuzzled her head and then snorted into her hair. She smiled, still considering the saddle. Specifically the fact that the horse was saddled. She wondered if it was normal to have the saddle on when the animal was resting, or if perhaps Mikhail had just returned or was going somewhere?

_Crash!_This was the sound that sent her mind whirling, and her body whipping around to the doorway. A sound like glass shattering against the wall. It shuddered through the quiet day from inside of the house. Then a series of thumps and grunts. Her heart instantly beat wildly, were they being attacked in there?

Why was it that every time she stepped out from whatever place they discovered, something bad happened? First, the smoke monster, followed by its pursuit of her into the jungle, killed Eko and now something horrible was happening in the house. And the truth was, she could run into the fray, but she wouldn't be able to accomplish anything, except maybe rousing some sort of distraction.

Although, she really didn't think about any of this. She only considered the fact that there was trouble inside of the house and her instincts sent her feet flying towards the door, yelling.

Her feet didn't carry her very far. A strong arm wrapped itself around her neck while a cloth-covered hand slapped itself over her mouth. There was a faint bitter smell that she could not place and as everything around her shrunk into blackness, she heard a voice.

"Goodnight Laren "

It was a feeling not unlike the moment she awoke to her hands and legs bound to a cot in the Hydra, only this time, she was lying like a rag doll, in a very damp and dark place, thumping sounds above her. Her hands and feet were tied together and her mouth was sticky from the thick, nasty tasting tape that held it shut. God, had she been thrown back into the room she had been horrified to return to? The idea sent shivers through her.

She closed her eyes. She was not the same person she was when she first stepped out of the hatch and onto the submarine. She was not the same frightened little girl when Sayid blindfolded her and pushed her forwards and then when they locked her in the cramped room with the yellow swinging light. She was not even the same girl who was tasered in front of Jack, humiliated at the hands of Ben. The man who claimed to be her loving and devoted father.

She would suck it in, all of the terror filling her heart, and she would not give them the satisfaction of falling apart. Not this time. They had managed to take her again. They had managed to cage her like an animal, but they were not going to take away the spark of hope that had claimed its place deep within, burning still. And so, she steadied her breath thinking of everything good.

She thought of every kiss, every moment in Sayid's arms. She thought of Mr. Muggles and of Jack. She thought of John and how she had grown comfortable in his presence. She imagined the feel of the sea foam bubbling over her ankles and the smell of the salty air. She remembered every smile and every laugh and she filled her mind with every warm thought that she could, smothering the fear with everything good in her short life. She was not going to let them have it.

When she'd calmed herself, she opened her eyes and scanned the room. This was not the same dark place she had feared. The ceiling was high, and there were slivers of light shining through it. The walls were lined with shelves holding large white notebooks inside them. This was definitely not the room that terrified her just by the thought of it.

The light shining through occasionally flickered and the flickering was accompanied by a soft rustling. There were people above her. She must be below the house, but what was going on above? Had her three companions been captured? The answer came quicker than expected when she heard the slam of a door being flipped back from above and a thick beam of light shown down from somewhere outside of the room._She knew the voices._

She sat up sharply and whimpered into the tape while kicking the wall. Then she knew she was not alone. She was snatched away from the wall, and yanked into an even darker corner, farther from the shelving and a threatening voice whispered in her ear. "Make another noise and you won't live long enough for it to be heard. Look along those walls there … do you see the wires and the small black squares? "

Eyes wide and scaling the walls, tracing the long wires winding across it, she flinched at the next words.

"This entire building is wired with C-4. Do you know what that means? If you make another sound, or move again, the whole building will go boom along with you and everyone in it. Are we clear? "

Out of everything that she knew of the others, _having only been familiar with a handful of their entirety_, they were people who followed through with their threats and they did not mind dying if it served their cause. Someone else might have challenged this dark-skinned iron-faced woman, thinking that surely she would not risk her own life or that of her partner in such a way. But this, Sarah could count on - this woman was one of them and cared nothing for killing herself or Mikhail in order to protect the anonymity of the group.

Sarah gave a diliberate, but slow nod, relaxing her tensed muscles in submission and then watched the woman rise, shooting her another warning glance and disappearing into the darkness. The door slammed ominously behind her.

Sarah couldn't help but wonder, was she going to try to kill them? Maybe ambush them? She was curled up there in the corner, unable to warn them for the threat of their imminent death in the blast of explosives. She couldn't think of another less damning situation.

Had she not been in worse circumstances or was she just so frightened that she couldn't think of anything else but the sound of her own beating heart in her ears? Regardless, she was at a loss as to what to do. And as if it could not get any worse or more unbearable, she jerked backwards when the door slammed open by the whack of a foot or a body against it … of which, Sarah couldn't tell. She only knew that she couldn't breath, eyes scrunched shut and she was as close as she could be to the wall aside from climbing into it. Her knees were gathered so tight against her chin that she felt like it would pop through her kneecaps. She trembled, eyeing the door.

A tall, dark figure appeared from the doorway. She winced at the white circle from the beaming flashlight and then trembled in another wave of panic once spying the rifle. The figure made its way over to the shelving, examining the white notebooks and then brusquely snapped around, aiming the flashlight in the far corner of the room.

Wimpering, she clenched her eyes, unable to keep herself still or quiet, but then they fluttered open when she heard her name.

"Sarah? "

She gawked at Sayid, who'd set the rifle down and was kneeling before her. He placed a hand on her knee. She sobbed a muffled cry, shaking her head. He had to go and leave her there before they all died. She had to convince him.

"It's all right. " He took a piece of tape and carefully pulled it loose, apologizing for hurting her.

She continued shaking her head and whispered frantically. "No. No. Please, you have to go. Just take Kate and John and get out of here._Please Sayid._ "

"That's ridiculous. " He argued, reaching around to cut her arms and legs loose.

But his eyebrows turned in when he saw the tears in her eyes. She melted inside his embrace, overwhelmed and surprised by it. No sooner had his arms slipped around her, he withdrew them, leaving a hand on her face. "What's going on? "

"Keep your voice down. She can't know you found me. She's going to blow this place up Sayid. And if you take me, she's gonna do it. "

"Who is she? Where is she? "

"I don't know. Please, there's no time … just go. Forget about me and just get out of here before it's too late. Just go so you can still help Jack. "

She gasped and then flinched again upon hearing a series of thumping noises just outside of the door. With a palm resting over her mouth, he locked eyes with her. "Stay here. Everything will be fine. "


	52. 77

Chapter 52 - 77

Telling her to sit still while he investigated the noise in the other room was not what she wanted to hear from Sayid. Although, she could not say she was surprised, knowing that his stubborn streak ran nearly as deep as hers - if not deeper. The problem was, that if the C-4 were ignited, it wouldn't matter who was stubborn, strong or smart. They would all be blown to hell.

She set her gaze on him and for a moment found that safe place in his eyes. The one she used to know. Then there was another thump and then a crash followed by a series of grunting.

"Stay here. " He said, raising himself up on his feet and hoisting the rifle over his shoulder.

Sarah watched him turn from the doorway, and disappear into the darkness. There was a sliding sound and then a loud click that briefly sent her back to when she knelt in the mud staring into the barrel of Jude's rifle. Then. "Stop right there!"

Now, she was on her feet and trailing a short distance behind Sayid. She passed the doorway in time to witness Kate throw a fist into the black woman's face and a bewildered Sayid holding her back. "It's her. She was there! She was at the docks; she was there when we were kidnapped! She knows where Jack is. "

Sayid nodded and then pressed the rifle into the woman's chest. "Are there any more of you here? "

She stared back at him with hard and stern eyes until Sayid suggested they take her upstairs.

But Sarah stood with her feet planted on the floor. She believed what the woman said, and Mikhail was somewhere up there. Perhaps they'd taken him down and then bound him up, but he was up there all the same ... alone with John. If she knew anything about these people, it was that they were very resourceful and they never gave up on anything. She stood firmly in protest. "Sayid. Just let her go! "

"What?! " Kate glared.

"It's alright Kate. " Sayid nodded again. "Let's go. "

"No … no please. She's gonna trigger the explosives, she's gonna blow the whole building! Just go, get out of here! "

"With what? Her mind?! We do not have time for this. It was a bluff Sarah, to get you to do what she wanted. Now come up with us, or stay down here if you are that stubborn. " With that, Sayid prodded the woman forward, followed by Kate. Sarah blinked, feeling somewhat unsure and a bit shell-shocked, but eventually yielded and climbed the metal ladder leading up into the main room of the house.

They found the upper level suspiciously quiet, and so Sayid called out for John who responded from beyond the door. "Out here! "

They all moved towards the front, Sayid first, pushing the woman forwards with the rifle in her back. He threw a foot into the door. When it flung open, Sarah sighed. There was John facing them, about a yard or more away. Mikhail stood behind him with a firm hand on his shoulder and a pistol to his head.

Sayid pushed the woman out into the yard, Kate behind them and then Sarah.

"This is simple. " Mikhail said. "Send her over to me and I will release him. And we all go our separate ways. "

What followed occurred very quickly and would later become one blur of time that Sarah would add to the list of atrocities she could not easily forget. Something partially attributed to the tension and struggle for leadership that had ensued between Sayid and John since leaving the beach. John argued that Mikhail was bluffing and Sayid insisted that he was in charge. All the while Mikhail was ordering John to keep his mouth shut and then the woman joined her voice with theirs by yelling out

"Mikhail!"

John and Sayid went back and forth and the woman muttered what sounded like gibberish to Mikhail, who responded in like manner. Then everyone was yelling until the woman shouted.

"Just do it Mikhail! "

Mikhail gave a hard shove, throwing John to the side and then aimed his pistol. He muttered something that sounded like "Br'stivia" and then one blast rang out. The woman flew back until she hit the ground. Sarah stepped back, staring at her, barely hearing Sayid yelling at John. She flicked her eyes up in time to see John struggling with Mikhail. There was another shot, Mikhail head butted John and then Sayid leaped forwards, smacking Mikhail in the head with the butt of his rifle. Mikhail fell back onto the ground, yelling, "Finish it! " when Sayid shoved the rifle into his face. "Kill me. "

Sarah stepped up, Kate grabbed her arm. She stared at Sayid and Mikhail. She had not seen him kill Jude. She had her eyes closed tightly and heard the shot. It was not until he knelt beside her and put his hands on her that she jumped back, opened her eyes and found him next to her with Jude lying on his side. Now she was staring at him holding a gun on Mikhail and Mikhail begging him to shoot. She held her breath.

Mikhail never let his eyes stray from Sayid's who met them straightforwardly as well. He then turned his head to the side, working his jaw and withdrew the rifle. "Kate, Locke, go back and gather whatever might be useful from inside. We're leaving. "

They bound Mikhail's hands and then Kate and John went back into the house, leaving just the three, Mikhail, Sayid and Sarah. She had not spoken much during or after the last series of events. Truly not since Sayid snapped at her in the basement.

He turned his head, and must have seen the unsettled look upon her face. "Are you alright? "

She bobbed her own head without much enthusiasm. Mikhail smirked, tilting his chin. "Does he not yet know who you are, or is he planning to trade you off to Ben, hmm? "

She dropped her eyes. He had caught her in a moment of weakness, just as Ben would have done, knowing the exact moment to strike in order to maximize the effect. Had Ben taught them all to be just like him? Or was it a characteristic required to become a member of the group? Whichever it was, Mikhail seemed to have mastered the art to perfection. "I know who you are … Laren. You are one of us. "

"Of course she is … that's why one of your people had her tied up in the basement. "

He then grabbed Mikhail by the hands and pushed him forwards, calling for Danielle. "Tell me something; were you ever a member of the Dharma initiative? Our was everything you said a lie? Of course, I'm wasting my breath. "

He admitted that he was never a member, but everything else he told them was true. There was a purge initiated by Dharma and he remained living there at the farmhouse after it was over. They continued talking as Danielle joined them. She wanted to know how many of the group remained, thinking that Mikhail would have managed to kill one or two, or perhaps only Sarah and Sayid were the only ones left. He explained that John and Kate were gathering anything useful from the farmhouse and that now they had their ticket to where the others were. Where they would find Jack and Danielle's daughter and then finally perhaps a way home.

_A way home. _Sarah had lived on the island for so long that she couldn't remember anywhere else being home. There were the sketchy memories of when she was a small child and then the brief moments in Australia. The only place that she had ever really thought of as home, a place she found comfort and strength, was there on the beach with the rest of the survivors … With Sayid.

Mikhail raised his head proudly, while squaring his shoulders and insisted he would do nothing to cooperate with them. They could do whatever they wanted, but he would never tell them where the others were. Sayid stared at him smugly. "I didn't say you were our ticket … Did I? "

He then rolled out a map and explained several locations marked on it, stopping on one in particular. An area that consisted of a cluster of dormitories powered by cables running to them from the Flame. The map marked the area as the Barracks. They appeared to be complete with a water supply substantial enough to support an entire community, and was a place that seemed well worth visiting.

Mikhail did not relent though, declaring that once his guard was down, he would not hesitate a moment before killing Sayid. Danielle suggested they go ahead and kill Mikhail now.

Sayid stood, inching his way forwards until he was face to face with Mikhail. Neither man looked away and so the two of them eyed each other fiercely. Danielle waited.

Sarah held her breath once again, eyeing the both of them. Sayid stood rigid with both arms to his side. Then there was a purring sound. Sarah's eyebrows turned in, but she kept her eyes on them until the sound grew louder in her ears. Then she tossed her head and then looked off to the side, seeing nothing but the ground darkened by the oncoming nightfall. What was this sound?

She caught a glimpse of Kate and John coming out of the farmhouse just as Sayid spoke. "No, he's my prisoner. I will decide his fate. "

At the approach of John and Kate, Sayid took another shot at John. "I can see you didn't find anything worth taking. "

John seemingly ignoring the jab, admitted that he had played a silly game of chess and discovered why Mikhail had advised him to abandon his efforts at beating it. This, of course, only served to set Sayid on edge even moreso and he narrowed his eyes while snarling. "Meaning what? "

There was the sensation of air being sucked away from them, and then an explosive boom that reverberated in their ears, throwing them all to the ground. The entire farmhouse went up in one large inferno of bright red and orange, in the midst of the darkness of night. It wasn't until they hit the ground that Sarah realized Sayid was covering her. He rose up in a furious glare and yelled. "What have you done John?! That place was our one hope for communication with the outside world!! "

John insisted that he had done what the computer told him to do if there had been an incursion by the hostiles. He entered seven-seven.

Sayid clenched his teeth, closed his eyes and then shook his head. He then leaped to his feet.

"We should go. If anyone is around this explosion's going to attract their attention. "

Sarah had already risen, hearing their words only distantly. She stepped through the bushes, as if walking in a trance, slowly towards the fire, and then stopped when she felt the heat rising from it. She blinked when puffs of heated air blew into her eyes. Had Kate and John not exited in time, they would have been killed.

"Sarah, let's go. " Sayid stepped up beside her. "Sarah? "

She barely heard him over the sound in her ears. _The sound of purring_. It grew louder the closer he approached. She rolled her eyes over the scene before her and then whispered.

"What's that sound? What is that? "

"_I remember you." He cried, kneeling in chains, on the cold, hard floor. The dripping of water behind him. _

_"I remember your face. "_

Sarah could see them both in her head even now.

_His face was so twisted with sorrow that she wanted to run to him and throw her arms around him. "I am sorry. I am so sorry for what I did to you. I'm so sor …" _

_His words dissolved into tearful whispering. _

_The silver and white cat rested in the womans arms and purred. The woman answered through her own tears. _

_"I forgive you. " _

The purring was all she could hear as she turned to him and scanned his face. What burdens had he born that she knew nothing about? Is this why he could so easily refrain from truly hurting Mikhail? Was he thinking of this moment in time as well?

"Sarah?" He said again, gazing over her face.

Brows turned inward, she turned her head to the side and looked softly on him. He was standing there, gazing down at her with the same dark eyes to which she had grown accustomed. He was a bit rank, but they all were and she hardly noticed now. "Who is she? The woman in the chair? The one with the scarred hands holding the cat."

"Who is she, Sayid? "


	53. Burning Bush

**Chapter 53 - _Burning Bush  
_**

An empty, dark expanse of sky hovered over the jungle, powdered with stars that looked like faded sparks. As if the moon had exploded leaving behind a trail of lighted dust. And then the sparks dimmed in the thick cloud rising from the earth below them.

There was but one glow illuminating this stark night. It was not from the sky looming overhead, neither was it from the darkened moon. It was an immense ball of flame rolling in and out of itself and then flicking fiery fingers up into the smoke filled air that outshone the natural light.

She had slipped forwards until the heat in her face was too strong. She blinked back the fumes of hot air, while fixing her eyes on him, surprising herself with the sound of her own voice. " _Who is she? _"

He stood facing her, lips parted but without an answer.

" Sayid? " She barely recognized her own whisper.

Then there was a sound. One that broke their gaze and wrenched their heads towards the fire. He dazedly drew his flashlight between them and aimed it into the ground. The white beam rested into a small circle over a figure settling into the brush. Curious green eyes flicked back and forth in the light.

Sarah's mouth popped open. She stared for a moment and then returned her attention to Sayid. She knew then that she was not the only one who saw the fluffy silver and white cat casually gazing up at them as if it was supposed to be there.

This was not the matted thing that Mikhail called Nadia. This was a well-kept feline, adorned with a collar around it's neck and a tinkling trinket dangling loosely from the buckle. It sat there on it's haunches and ingenuously tilted it's head while the farmhouse fire raged behind it.

Sarah drew a breath. The flashlight went out.

Sayid abruptly turned his face away and adjusted his rifle over his shoulder, taking sure steps retreating into the jungle.

" Well … I … wait. " She stammered closely behind. " Sayid … Wait. "

He should have turned and answered. It's what she expected. But instead, he kept moving as if he had not heard her pleading with him from behind, until he had met with the rest of the group.

He led them out, all the while Sarah following along quietly, occasionally drifting off in thought. She wished she knew what he was thinking. Had she said too much? Pushed too hard?

She helped gather wood, stealing glances at him and then sometimes catching sight of John. She shook her head considering there was a time that she was unaware any of them existed. It seemed so long ago.

She sat with them around the campfire, listening to the silence until one by one, they rested on the hard ground. Sarah could not rest though. She sat still, fiddling with a bottle of water. Sayid rose, and found a place between a pair of trees. He stood there, with his back to them, peering out into the night.

Mikhail hadn't spoken either. He was leaning back, straight-faced. He'd refused any food and water offered. Perhaps it was his form of revolt, although the gesture was merely a common courtesy and none of them really cared much if he ate or drank anything.

Now he was eying Sarah, as she gazed through the flames to where Sayid stood, while he, in turn, was unaware that she had fixed her own eye on him as he stared out into the nothingness.

Mikhail startled her, but she didn't twitch even a finger. "What do you think Ben will do? Hmm? "

She turned her head with a small scowl. " Sorry? "

" To you … and your friends. "

Mikhail smirked and then kept reeling her in. "You don't think he will sit down to cake and ice cream do you? I have known Ben for many years. Long enough to know that you are fooling yourself if you believe you are going anywhere but back where you were … unless Ben is through with you … and if he is … well then … "

Her glance flickered for a moment, along with a nervous swallow.

" And your friend … Jack is it? He is too invested now. He will never leave - you will see. It is a hopeless cause … You may as well face your fate. "

She swallowed again. He was right. Every time she tried to escape, fate threw her right back to where she started. When she struggled, she felt even more like a prisoner. This had been her life. This was all she knew for sixteen years … or more. They already had Jack. There were more of them than the survivors.

Did she really believe they could just go in and break Jack out and be free of Ben and the others?

She raised her eyes, staring at him and then pressed her lips together. His one eye was set steadily on her, while his mouth concealed a satisfied smirk. He was baiting her. Playing to her fears, to her insecurities. The one thing she wanted more than anything was to be free, and he was dooming her to be caged. Yes, it was Mikhail sitting there, but it was Benjamin's voice, his words.

She squared herself and then drew a breath, settling her eyes into his one. "I wonder. Do you ever speak your own mind or do you just say what Ben tells you to? "

She should have left it there, but she continued. "Is it a rewarding relationship? You being Ben's puppet and all … ? Ben telling you what to do, what to think … what to say … "

Sayid flipped around at the sound of a raised voice. " Sarah. "

" What do _you _think Ben will do to _you_ ? Hmm … ? "

" Sarah, that's enough. "

She leaned in, with a hard stare. "When he finds out _you_ led us to him? When he finds out the communication station is gone? When he finds out you couldn't handle your own job ? "

In a few long strides, Sayid was across the camp and between them, towering over Mikhail. He grabbed him by the arm, yanking him up and then shoved him forwards.

" Don't talk to her. " He snapped. " Don't even look at her. "

Sarah watched him drag Mikhail over to the other side and shove him down again. He may as well have threatened to gag him. Then he turned, shook his head and made his way back around.

" What were you thinking? " He demanded in a low voice.

She nodded. " I guess …" - sigh - " I guess I just … "

She closed her eyes. It had been hours since they left the farmhouse to it's burning and the silver and white cat along with it. He hadn't spoken to her since then. Not directly. Flicking a glance up, she finally just shrugged. " I dunno. "

"What are you doing? " He questioned when she rose and went for her pack.

She dropped it on the ground, close to the fire, patted it and then lowered herself down. " I'm gonna _try_ to get some sleep. "

It wasn't really the truth. Not exactly. She knew that no matter how long she held her eyes shut, she wasn't going to sleep much at all. Yet, she rolled onto her side, tucked her hands under her head and listened to the fire crackling, thinking of when her head rested in his lap and she drifted off to the in and out rhythm of his breath. When she opened her eyes again, it was daylight.

Upon rising, she was surprised to find a checkered flannel shirt sliding off of her shoulders. She folded it and then reached for a bottle of water.

" Here. " Sayid said. " This will be a little colder. "

She raised her head, and found him standing there, holding out a bottle filled with fresh stream water. She nodded a thank you and then handed him his shirt. " You didn't really have to do that. "

Their eyes locked together for a moment and then broke when John approached. " I think we need to talk about what we're doin from here before we start walkin. "

Sayid agreed, and then for what seemed like the next hour, she sat through another round of verbal boxing between the two of them. It was the same argument but different words. Sayid spread out the map and pointed out the electrical wiring that indicated where the others might be. John questioned the validity of the map and Sayid once again took a jab at John's use of a stick as a compass. John countered by pointing out that the stick led them to the communication station to which Sayid reminded him that John also blew up that same station. " Well, if you'd warned me that the basement was rigged with C-4 I might have been a little more careful! "

Sayid stared at him. Kate eyed Mikhail and then suggested he tell them if they were going the right way. Then the conversation turned. Both John and Danielle chided about why they were keeping Mikhail alive and Sayid mocked by asking if he should shoot him like a dog.

Kate finally ended it by declaring the maps were right because Sayid said they were and that's the way they were going.

Sarah glanced between Sayid and John and then followed Kate's lead past them and out beyond the brush.

The next trek was just as quiet as the last. There was one stop for fresh water and a bit of food, and then they were walking again. Sarah spent a good chunk of time observing Danielle, fascinated with how she would follow the group from a distance, climbing small hills and around trees, but rarely falling in line like the rest of them. She seemed to prefer being alone.

It really was a trait that Sarah could admire, and perhaps aspire to one day. Being self-sufficient and needing no one to help her stand on her own two feet. She hadn't realized yet, that she was already capable.

They were passing a curve when Kate broke the silence. She decided to prod Mikhail for more information, asking him how he came to the island. Though she was well intentioned, Mikhail used the opportunity to play more games with them, claiming that they were not capable of understanding his answers because they were flawed. They were angry, frightened and weak.

He would have carried on spinning his yarns had Danielle not brought their attention to something just over the ridge. It was a large clearing marked by lush, green grass, bordered by trees in the distance, and lines of tall wooden pylons lodged into the ground fingering the sky.

When Kate approached, Sayid caught her by the elbow and yanked her back, then questioned Mikhail about the purpose of the pylons. When Mikhail failed to answer him directly, he deducted that this was a security perimeter. If anyone passed through it, the sensors on the side would trigger a deadly response.

Mikhail smiled.

While they bantered over whether or not the security system could be breached by going around it, Sarah caught a glimpse of John and turned her head. He was sliding his pack from his shoulders. Hiding a smirk, he clenched a handful of Mikhails shirt from the back and forcefully shoved him through the pylons.

It was as if an invisible force held him upright and between them. There was a sound, almost indescribable, that vibrated all around. A thunderous sonic hum. Mikhail shook convulsively in what seemed to be mid air, while the others watched with horrified faces.

Sarah's hands flew to her mouth and she let out a shreik when after several minutes of foaming from his mouth and streaks of bright red pouring from his ears, he was swiftly thrown backwards and collapsed. Another throw of convulsions ripped through him, and then he was disturbingly still.

Sarah flipped around with her hands clamped over her mouth. She knew the feeling in her gut, and she could do nothing to stop it. She stumbled a few feet forwards, sensing the hot ball crawling through her chest.

Soon, she was bracing herself against the trunk of a banana tree, hurling out the scarce contents of her stomach. She flinched at the shadow of a figure. It was Danielle who stood next to her. She pushed a square cloth in her hand and then held out some water. "Rinsing will get rid of the taste. "

She swished some water in her mouth, promptly spitting it out and then swiped the clothe over her sweaty face. The commotion behind her, was too disruptive to ignore, however.

While Sarah was busy vomiting, Kate and Sayid were lashing out at John for throwing Mikhail into the fence. She stepped up a few feet, planted her heals in the ground and then rested a hand on her hip. "John's right. "

" They don't make bargains and they don't trade and they'll say they don't kill their own, but they will if that's what it takes. But most of all, they like games. And they like turning people against each other. So right now, we're doing just what they want us to. "

She was relieved when Sayid finally relented, nearly breathing into Johns face. " Fine … we'll talk about this later. "

It wasn't that Sarah hadn't marked the look in John's eyes when he threw Mikhail into the fence. And it wasn't that she hadn't wondered about his strange reasoning. He insisted that he couldn't have known Mikhail would die. Yet, they were discussing that very issue when John made the decision to take such an action. She couldn't help but wonder … after all, he had seemed more antsy to kill him than Danielle had ever voiced. But yet, she could not help but allow him some consideration.

Nonetheless, the next few minutes stirred even more conflict when they'd determined how they were getting on the other side of the barrior. Kate insisted they would go over it and asked for the axe, which was stashed away in Johns pack.

The expression on his face matched the tone of his voice that said he really didn't want anyone digging into his pack. His protests were worthless. Sayid had already grabbed it and then Sarah noted the queer expressions on both he and Kate as he retrieved a small rectangular block, rust colored and bound by two strips of metal.

Her mind raced back to the farmhouse and then to the basement. The dark-skinned woman had pointed out the same blocks lined up across the wall above their heads. The blocks, she said, were C-4 explosives. The ones she threatened to detonate and blow all of them to hell with.

Sayid flicked a suspicious and rather heavy stare up at John. " I thought you didn't know there was any C-4. "

Locke shifted his weight and answered with a blank stare. " Well I stand corrected. "

He said he took it because you never know when a little C-4 might come in handy. Sayid clenched his jaw. "You'll have to do better than that. "

The men took turns hacking away chunks of wood from a suitable tree. It seemed appropriate, considering the brewing agression. As long as they were chopping lumber, the less time they spent at each others throats. The animosity had not quelled, but it was becoming more burdensome than the gear on their backs.

Sarah was crouching low a few yards from the perimeter staring at the corpse. It was enough that she struggled with the chills that went through her when she thought of facing Ben again. The fear that he might actually be capable of destroying everything she cared for or believed in. Did he truly have that much power? He was one man, but he was encircled with people who twitched when he said twitch.

Yes, the fears had been sneaking up on her from nightfall to dawn. And yet, she found herself disturbed more by the ineffectual quarreling of the past few days. How could one man accomplish so much without even being present?

He'd managed to begin dividing them before they'd ever reached him.

Heavy hearted, she dropped her head, raised it again and then stood. She almost always knew when someone was watching her. It was a feeling she would never find words for. Thus, when she turned and lifted her eyes, she was surprised to find herself gazing back at Sayid, who was standing, feet apart, along the tree-line, one arm propped into a cupped hand, while the other hand rested idly over his mouth.

Her face flushed at the flicker of a thought that he had been standing there for any length of time looking at her the way he was now.

She took a few steps forwards, and then she was closer without remembering ever walking. Holding a steady gaze, they both stood there for several moments and then he dropped his hand revealing much softer features than she had seen in such a long time. " Are you alright ? "

She smiled weakly, but the moment was quickly gone. Kate and John were calling their names. Though only Sayid and John took the tree down, everyone was needed to haul it across the field and near the borders of the perimeter. They lugged it past the tree-line and then set it up over one of the pylons by securing it atop a pair of crossed trunks.

Sarah was so distracted by the bloodied corpse on the ground on the other side, that she barely noticed Kate mount the trunk. She raised her eyes and caught site of her scaling upwards, hugging the tree with her body and scooting up inches at a time until she was over the pylon. She rolled over under the trunk and then dropped to the ground.

Sarah swallowed. Had she ever climbed a tree before? She couldn't remember. But John and Sayid were nudging her to go next, and the knot in her stomach churned again.

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_**A/N - I want to thank everyone for hanging around between these last two chapters. Those who are my readers/reviewers understand the delay. This chapter was very difficult to work with because I tried very hard to follow along the storyline but yet make it my own story in and of itself. There wasn't much empty space to fill and it will be that way for other chapters in the future - I'm sure. Thank you to Glynnis, KateisLost, Insanquinato Light, BloodMoonRising, xgreengirlx, and LoveBuggy for their thoughtful reviews and also everyone who has me on alert and hasn't reviewed yet. It's so nice to be read and to know you're enjoying what you're reading :)  
**_


	54. Suburbia

**Chapter 54 - _Suburbia_**

" Need a lift up? "

Sarah scaled the length of the tree, raised and leaning over the pylon, with a hesitant stare and ignored John's offer. Kate had made it safely over the perimeter, but it didn't settle the issue for Sarah. A small mistake could send her reeling inside the sonic barrier, and meeting the same fate as Mikhail. To not climb, however would mean she stayed behind.

" Perhaps she's having second thoughts, now that we are so close to the others camp. " Danielle chided.

Sarah jerked her head around, but didn't respond. There was some truth to it. A certain amount of fear had always been there. She worked her jaw, and then threw another hard stare along the solid hunk of wood. Suddenly, after taking in a rigid breath, she squared her shoulders.

John repeated the gesture, but she rejected his aide. She grabbed the two ends of the support logs and hopped up until she was straddling the trunk. The others stood by as she determinedly inched forwards.

She crested the top and paused when she caught a glimpse of the crumpled up corpse below. Sayid, Kate and John called out when her balance grew shaky and she wobbled from side to side. She gasped, but then fell forwards, hugging the log until she was steady again.

Once her feet were on the ground, she had only a fleeting memory of climbing over the pylon. Soon, the remaining three were over as well. First John, then Danielle and lastly Sayid.

" Nice job. " John smiled. She nodded, taking in another view of Mikhail's body.

Kate turned to Sayid. " What now? "

He took up the lead, directing them northward still. He called for Sarah. He wanted her closer to the front - being that she was the only one who knew the Others and had spent any length of time among them. He thought she might see something familiar or remember something she'd dismissed.

She heard him out and then rebutted. " I've never been here before. I don't know what to look for. "

Instead of answering, he just kept plodding forwards, leaving her with no option but to follow.

The energy in the air had shifted, and though the moment had taken a more serious tone, she couldn't stand the silence. Sayid was walking only a step or two ahead, clinging to his rifle as if it were another appendage. The rest of them were somewhere behind. Tired of staring at the ground, she looked up at him. " I … I think that was the first tree I've ever climbed. "

Her face twitched a little at the embarrassment. She thought he might admonish her but surprisingly, he cut a softer glance her way and opened his mouth only to throw an arm back as he halted in his place.

_There were voices ahead. _These weren't like the voices Sarah heard form before, however. Those strange and ill-omened voices that whispered bone-chilling terror to her soul. No, these were unassuming voices that babbled lazily into the breeze.

Just a few more steps forward, and then she was thrown, unable to bring herself to acknowledge what they'd stumbled upon.

She had a fuzzy mental picture for so long. The image of the inside of the Sheppard's home burned somewhere in her subconscious. And though she couldn't remember the details, she knew in that world, there were streets with houses lined up side by side. Comfortable looking homes of different shapes and sizes.

The pictures had first come back to life when she stood in the woman's yard in Australia and peered at her screened in porch. The memory was so old, so dusty. Yet, when she stepped into the smooth grass, and viewed the front of the home, it flickered again, briefly. All she needed to do was to close her eyes, and she could see it.

Yet, in all of her dreams, and anticipation, in what small patches of memory that remained, she had never imagined anything distantly close could ever exist in such a desolate place.

She felt faint, gawping at the scene. Small houses perched on lush green grass in the center of an isolated valley. Some of them had steps leading to a stately front porch with a swing hanging down. Blue, white and yellow houses with curtain covered windows and wooden doors.

Some people clustered in groups over the smooth green grass. Others chatted near the front of the homes, and then there were the ones who passed by with duffle bags draped over their shoulders. They were casually going about their day as if there wasn't a brutal, unforgiving jungle just outside of the quaint little circle.

Sarah's face turned pale at first, unable to accept it. _What was in front of her eyes?_ But then, there was something else. A sense of anger. So many years stashed away in a small room without even a window to catch a bit of sun. So many nights sleeping on a cot and eating from a pathetic excuse for a table … all the while, Ben, her doting father, abandoned her every night for a cushy home packed with modern conveniences.

She blinked, chunks of breath sharply jabbing her throat, nostrils flared and red. She clenched her jaw. Alex had not said anything either. She'd kept Ben's secret. Although, truthfully, she did occasionally slip out fragments of information.

She couldn't force Alex to shoulder blame, neither could she judge her. Ben controlled everything and everyone unlucky enough to cross his path. It was his talent - his gift perhaps … unfortunately, it had proved to be her nightmare.

By the time Sayid positioned himself closer, she was completely absorbed in overpowering emotion and instinctively recoiled. He planted a firm hand on her shoulder and brought a finger to his mouth, standing quietly alongside as if mirroring her. He eventually cut his attention to the houses, and then told her to wait there, hidden among the shelter of the thick border of trees and shrubs. He would part from her only briefly to retrieve the rest of their people.

When he returned with John and Kate at his heels and Danielle keeping her distance, Sarah was gaping still, over the valley, with just a fraction of color remaining in her face.

Her eyes widened when she spotted a figure sprinting from behind one of the houses. A blur of green and blue that, when clearer was plainly Jack darting out into the yard wearing a green shirt and jeans. Sarah didn't turn her head when Kate cried out for Jack under her breath. Her eyes were fixed on him. She'd discerned the playful look on his face when he raised his head and then caught the brown ball from the air.

She felt as though her heart had fallen out of her chest and dropped to her feet watching him grin and then slam it into the ground. It was clear, once Tom - who also went by Zeke - ensued after, that he and Jack were playing a game of catch. They were joined by Juliet. She laughed and tossed a couple of balls with them, and then took Jack's arm, muttering something. He followed her lead across the yard to a cream colored home. She knocked and when the door opened, Ben wheeled himself over the threshold in his shiny new wheelchair.

Sarah nearly groaned under the sting of Mikhail's words reverberating in her head when Jack welcomed Ben's open palm with a firm handshake._"He is too invested now. He will never leave - you will see. It is a hopeless cause … You may as well face your fate. " _

She wiped her cheek, hoping no one noticed, _unaware that the disheartening gesture had not gone unobserved_, and let the other three argue over their options - over the likelihood that Jack no longer wanted to be rescued.

She was relieved when John spoke. " The first time I saw him he was risking his life pulling people out of airplane wreckage. If he's shakin hands with the others I'm sure he has a good reason. We just have to … go down there and find out what it is. "

With all the doubt swimming around in her head, she was grateful to hear a voice of reason. One that might hush the insecurities and give her a reason to believe that Jack had not been compromised.

The answer seemed to quell the doubt in Sayid as well. He yielded to John's input and through it, they determined to bide near the others until nightfall. Then they would approach Jack, under the cover of darkness, aiming to extract the answers straight from him.

Sarah tilted her head. John had found a seat and had his arms draped over his knees, offhandedly whittling. It reminded her of the sight of Jack hunched over on the floor of the fish tank. Then she was murmuring from out of her thoughts. " I don't … I don't know how they do what they do. But they have ways … Ways to break you. T … To make you do what they want you to. "

The pause that followed was louder than her voice. _Deafening. _Sayid was the first to speak after her. " Did you recognize any of them? "

She nodded druggedly. " The woman with them, the one who was there in the Hydra. Her name is Juliet … She's a doctor. "

The last time she'd seen Juliet was when Ben quietly demanded that she clean up the mess made when he dropped the tray of food in Sarah's room. Sarah had never seen Juliet smile before. Never heard her exchange sincere pleasantries. Seeing her so leisurely toss a ball back and forth, laughing as if it were just another lazy afternoon left her with an odd sense of confusion.

The only thing that would disturb her more would be to see Ben laying out a feast for the survivors and then taking them all home in his submarine.

She glanced back again, and then added. " I don't … I've never seen those other people. Execpt for Tom. I think he told you his name was Zeke. "

She wanted to help in whatever way she could. She wanted to see Jack walk out of there without cost. But she found the questions draining as a sense of foreboding shadowed her thoughts. She knew what Karl had told Kate and she had known for a while that the others had some form of living arrangement, but she never expected anything like this. She never expected to find Ben dwelling in such comfort while she pined for something more behind four plain walls and a thick metal door.

Sayid, John and Kate discussed their plans throughout the remaining daylight hours, but Sarah hadn't much to offer. She would do what was asked of her, and hope that it was enough.

Danielle had not stayed with the group. Somewhere in the fray of debate, she diappeared and noone noticed until she was already gone. This was her character. She answered only to herself.

The task was left to the remaining three - and Sarah.

They'd paused shortly for a bite to eat and drink, but Sarah took little, flicking multiple glances over to "Ben Village " as Jude named it.

Evening fell on her perched off to the side, staring off in the distance at the rows of houses and the well-kept lots of land. Most of them had disappeared behind their doors and one by one, tiny lights popped up, glowing in the small square windows.

There had not been any room for conversation between her and Sayid while they were discussions plans. But now, he approached her alone, lowering himself down to sit beside her. He said nothing for several minutes. He was leaning forwards on his elbows, turning glances between the houses and Sarah as if wondering what might be going on in her head.

When he did finally speak it was soft and with much consideration. "What do you think Jude meant ? When he said one of them wanted you dead?"

A question he seemingly pulled from her own mind. She remembered the moment clearly, how could she not? Kneeling in the mud, rain pouring down over her and Jude with a rifle under one arm, waving his free hand around.

"_Ben sent me to come and get you, while the secret plan was to go ahead and kill you. Yeah, that's right … someone over in Ben Village would like nothing better than to see you in the ground - literally._"

Did it mean that if she were in Ben's hands again, she wouldn't live long enough for it to matter anyway? Raising her chin, she cut a side glance at him.

" I … I don't really know. Maybe Juliet. It was pretty obvious Jude wanted to kill me. But then … _it might even be Ben_. "

The last thought was the most chilling, although so very likely to be true.

It was just after these words that Jude nearly killed her. He would have, had Sayid not fired his own rifle into him, dropping him like a ripe fruit from the tree. _But wait. _

She rolled her eyes while straightening herself and then cocked her head. " I never told anyone what he said. I never said anything. "

" … How could you have known that? "

His delayed response only strengthened the question as he set a steady gaze into hers. Sarah's eyes took a more serious tone. " How long were you there? How long … before you shot him ? "

" Sayid? "

His words were carefully spoken. "My belief at the time was that he could lead me here. "

" Lead you here? What does that mean? … Wait … Are you saying … "

" You let him take me ? "

Her mind reeled as soon as the words dropped from her mouth, jabbed with a sharp sense of betrayal. His expression told her she wasn't entirely wide of the mark. Although there was a distinct sound of regret in his voice.

"It's not as simple as that. I believed he would force you to return with him to the Others. I intended on following you until we were close to their camp. "

She let out a sharp gasp. "You … You used me as bait. You let him take me. But, he wasn't gonna take me back. He … he nearly ..."

"How long ? Were you following us the whole way?"

"I was unconscious for a very short time. Sun helped me untie my hands and then I followed behind you. Sarah …"

"He … He made me kneel in the mud. He put a gun in my face."

" I am very sorry. I don't expect you to fully understand, but we were trying to rescue Jack and the others with very little resources and information. "

She inhaled deeply, and then stared at him. " So, why are you telling me this now ? "

After sliding his glance from her face to otherville, and then back to her, his features softened moreso than they had already. "You should not go with us in there. "

" What? "

" I need you to stay behind and let us handle this. I'm asking you to stay here until we return. "

Sayid was one of the few who could not easily anger her, but at this moment, she was swallowing the knot in her throat. " I can't believe ... I, I escaped the Hydra. I got on the sub and I got Sun off the boat before they killed her. I nearly drowned. I've kept my head down and I've tried to do everything you asked me to just to prove myself. So you would know I was telling the truth.

I … I … I got attacked by that … that thing out there … twice. I've hiked all the way here, every inch right along with you. Why? So I can sit this one out? I came for Jack and I guess in some small part for Alex too. How can you ask me to … "

" Listen to me. This has nothing to do with any of those things. There's no assurance. We are risking our lives here. They may kill us all. If you stay behind … then there will be someone left who can return to the beach and tell the others, should the worst happen. "

She had more to say, but the words stopped in her throat and never quite made it to her open mouth. She had noted his tone and the look in his eyes.

When he first sat down, he'd asked her only one question, the very question she'd been asking herself.

_What do you think Jude meant ? When he said one of them wanted you dead?_

She'd driven herself mad wondering which one of those houses was home to the one who wanted to_ "see her in the ground. " _This is why she kept rolling the question around in her head. Because she was about to sneak in there and should they be caught, then she would be more than easy prey. That person just might have his wish granted.

She knew, then, why he was really telling her this. Because in his question, he was wondering the same thing. Considering the same possibility. He wanted her to stay behind because then she had a better chance of escaping, of surviving. But if they caught her in there, she'd probably never live to see the inside of a windowless room.

The change in her features must have been very clearly evident when she turned to him shiney eyed and said quietly. " What about the perimiter? "

She flinched a little when his hand slid over her shoulder. "You've already crossed over it without any help at all. You've already done it on your own once. I believe that if it has to be done, you will do it. "


	55. Dog of Doom

**Chapter 55 - _Dog of Doom_**

It was another moonless night hanging low over what otherwise would have appeared a quiet, middle class neighborhood. Just the peaceful ending to a sublimely uneventful day.

An onlooker may have thought this, were it not eerily resting within the valley of an elusive and uncivilized island. One that harbored ghastlier and more startling secrets than could ever be revealed in any story or book.

Sarah crouched low, wide-eyed and holding her breath, watching the three figures split up and disappear inside Otherville.

That he used her unawares, in hopes of locating Jack, seemed unimportant now. Now that she knew that not only did he understand what she was willing to sacrifice, _endure,_ what was waiting for her beyond those trees, but it mattered to him. It was enough. More than she'd hoped.

The sobering contrast was that, while he had released her, he was essentially headed straight for the very thing he was protecting her from. Not him only, but all of them. She was safely hidden behind a veil of brush and bamboo and they were running towards something she knew all too well, and never wanted any of them to.

She was too distracted to notice the first signs of someone, _or something_, drawing dangerously close to compromising her position. Her head swung around, however, at the snap of a twig and the feeling that she was being watched. Flitting her eyes back and forth, they jerked straight again .. And then she gasped.

Something was there alright. But how? How was it possible? He shouldn't have been there, but there he was. He didn't greet her, he didn't make a sound. He simply stared at her intently and then flipped around, tearing through the tall grass towards the perimeter.

Sarah impulsively sprung to her feet, throwing aside the brush and pursued, crushing the soft grass beneath her feet. She darted forwards, swinging her arms back and forth only to suddenly drive her heels into the ground moments later.

It was the familiar bright eyes and the yellow tail swinging back and forth that drew her out. She hadn't seen Vincent in days. Not since leaving the beach. No one there knew where they were going, and it wasn't shocking given they didn't know either until they got there.

Once he bolted towards the perimeter, it was as if someone had dumped ice water in her face. It didn't matter that it was impossible for him to be there, and that even if he'd somehow managed to find her, he could have never crossed the security fence.

_Climbing over by way of tree was unlikely as well. _

None of that mattered, though, at the prospect of him leaping into the security fence and frying to death … _as had Mikhail_. And that is why she dug her heels into the ground and why her face was a pasty white.

She'd followed the big yellow tail until it just vanished in open field leaving behind it a tall, lanky figure scowling at her with one eye. It wasn't possible!

_It couldn't be. _

" What's wrong ? " Mikhail smirked. " You look as if you've seen a ghost. "

Perhaps it would have been funny … under different circumstances. In the here and now, however, it only sent a sharp chill through her and she had probably stared her eyes permanently open.

He'd taken a few steps forwards before she blurted out. " Stay where you are! "

" _You'll be alright. " Sayid assured her. " Regardless. " _

_She unconsciously nodded, while staring into his eyes and noticed a hesitancy. He took on a more serious tone. "You won't like it, but there's no other choice. "_

_She understood when she felt the cold steel in her hands. _

" Stop! " She cried again, holding out her arms and clasping a small object.

"You don't know how to use a gun_. " _He scoffed, ignoring her warnings.

" _I … I don't know how to use this. " She whimpered. _

" _Unfortunately, there's no other choice. " Sayid took her hands and directed them to the clip. He instructed her on how to load it. He then showed her how to prep it for fire. How to pull back and cock the gun. _

There was a click as she cocked the gun, and she settled a determined stare into Mikhail's face. Her only thought was on just a few words spoken in the shadow of night. _"I believe that if it has to be done, you will do it. "_

_The final step was harder though the simplest. Sayid warned that once she'd made up her mind to pull out the weapon, she would have to use it … there was no going back. No hesitation. Once she drew the gun, she would have to squeeze the trigger. _

It happened quickly. Mikhail took another step. She heard the quick disperse of pops echoing out, but it didn't register until she saw him go down. She'd raised the gun, holding it tightly between her sweaty palms. She'd drawn it and then she'd squeezed the trigger.

She wasn't aware of how much time had passed before she was able to think again. She'd stood frozen for what seemed like forever, holding the gun straight out at empty space. She let out all the air she'd stuffed in her lungs and then wondered just how loud those shots were.

No one was aware of their presence. No one knew they were watching them in hiding. Sayid, Kate and Locke had slinked up through the houses stealthily, without a sound. But with a series of gunshots firing off right in their backyard … Sarah couldn't bear the thought.

Sayid would have wanted her to flee at the likelihood of their capture. He would have compelled her to cross over the pylons and make her way back to the beach. In truth, he'd asked her to abandon them and although she would do anything he asked, it could never be that. She found herself running, stumbling and running again until she knew she was closing in on the spot. There where she last saw them. _She crouched low._

She waited a few minutes and then her heart jumped into her throat. Three figures emerged from one of the houses. Two men each grasping Sayid by the arms. They were nearly dragging him.

She almost cried out, but caught the sound before she released it, when they chained him to a swing set and smashed a boot into his head.She closed her eyes fighting back tears. They must have heard the gunfire and discovered the intruders. She wondered what had happened to John and Kate.

He'd told her to run and not look back, but she could never abandon them. Knowing that they were caught because of her.

Sayid was left hanging from the side of the swings with Ryan guarding him. She remembered him from the boat incident. He snarled and then yanked Sayid's head up by his hair. He was so sure of himself ... so arrogant. But then, all the others were that way. He grinned holding something in front of Sayid's face. _It was the key._ Satisfied, he dropped Sayid's head and then hooked the key-ring around his belt loop.

She knew what she needed to do then. She had been watching all of this while clenching the gun in her hands. She hadn't released it when she shot Mikhail. Instead, she'd ran with it white-knuckled between her fingers.

She moved closer, carefully, and held her breath when she caught sight of Alex coming up from the left. She was relieved to see her, hoping that she had not suffered much from Ben after Sarah's last escape.

Alex stopped for a few moments, eying Sayid … but he didn't break his gaze from hers.

" Hey, " Ryan called. " Go on home kid, you know you're not supposed to be here. "

They argued over a backpack that Ben had sent Alex to retrieve. Ryan caved after a few verbal exchanges and raised up Sayid's pack. "Alright, here you go. "

She was walking away when she turned back around to Sayid. He had spoken to her. " You're Alex. Aren't you? "

" How do you know my name? "

Sarah could have smiled if the circumstances were not so grim. Was there anything Sayid didn't know or couldn't find out in a matter of minutes? This was not how she'd planned the two of them meeting. "_Sayid meet Alex, Alex, meet Sayid … the man I couldn't live without." _

" Because you look like your mother. "

Alex's face took on an almost morose tone and Sarah found that sinking feeling in her stomach, wishing that he hadn't mentioned Danielle. Her heart broke when Alex answered " My mother's dead. "

He never broke his gaze and said softly. " I'm sure that's what they told you. "

Ryan had endured enough of it, and jumped to his feet. Sarah didn't see the bar in his hand until he'd pounded Sayid in the stomach with it. She didn't hear him tell Alex to get going above her burning anger.

Sayid hung over the bars, resting on the ground, and groaned. Ryan snarled. " You keep your mouth shut! "

Sarah took on a scowl. There was no one around but Ryan and it was dark. She rose, emerging slow, but resolutely from the bushes. Sayid jerked his head up when he heard her voice. " You'd better be ready to beg for your life when you take those cuffs off him. "

Ryan stared at her as if he were on the verge of saying _" What the hell? " _

Sarah bore her gaze into him. " The keys, Ryan. "

He gathered himself and then laughed. " You've got to be kidding me. You don't know how to use that thing. "

" Where do you think that gunshot came from ? " Never blinking, she tossed something long and black at his feet. He picked it up and then held it between his hands.

" I know you recognize it … _don't you_?" She sharply snapped. " I took it off Mikhail's head .. _After I killed him_. So, you think I won't do it? "

He gawped at the long strand of elastic attached to a black eye-patch. She cocked the gun. " Take the cuffs off … _or I shoot_. "

There must have been something convincing in her voice, or her eyes, maybe both. Whatever it was, Ryan reluctantly tugged at the key-chain around his belt loop. He reached down and Sarah warned him that he'd better not think about throwing in any punches.

Sayid stood, and then cuffed him to the swing-set, making certain to give him a good punch in the jaw. He turned to Sarah, but she was staring at Ryan, clasping the gun in a fast grip. "Sarah. "

Something was breaking inside of her. A feeling she couldn't comprehend and had never experienced … until now. It started during the first few hits Sayid had taken from them. It made her angry. So many years of being controlled by them, of being under their feet and not able to defend herself. Not able to speak up for herself. Victimized and terrorized.

_One of them was waiting for the perfect moment to kill her. _

Now, she was standing in the midst of them, and she was in control. She'd gotten Ryan to do what she made him do. What she told him to do. He was under her feet, her control. The gun gave her that control, that power.

She heard Ben telling her her hope was worthless. She heard him demanding that she hurt Jack, all the while knowing who he was to her. She could feel the thick mud under her knees and the rain pounding her head as Jude provoked her telling her she was worthless. Taunting her. The dark-skinned woman threatening to blow them all to hell in the farmhouse. Mikhail telling her to face fate. Then to Ryan beating Sayid.

The anger was there, more powerful than she'd ever imagined and it'd pushed it's way out of her, over the hurt and the pain. It demanded justice. It demanded payment. She couldn't hold it down any longer.

Sayid must have seen it in her eyes. " Sarah … give me the gun. "

" I … I hate them. " She cried. " I hate all of them! "

" Yes. " He said gently. " But we have to help Jack. We have to find John and Kate."

She was trembling now, eyes welling up. This feeling was stronger than anything she'd felt before and it demanded to be set loose. It threatened to explode out of her. She found herself staggering gulps of air, hearing Sayid only distantly, her finger wrapped around the trigger. He said her name again, then the air grew stiff and there was a sound. A thunderous sonic boom and then a bright orange and yellow ball soaring into the air, followed by several popping noises.

Sayid closed his eyes for a moment.

Sarah was standing rigidly, with her finger permantly pressed into the trigger. Ryan was slumped over, quiet and still. She felt sick. Her body started a slow tremble while her face changed expressions. Her hands grew limp, the gun tumbled down and she collapsed on her knees, heaving deep sobs.

She knew he'd lowered himself down, but she couldn't look up. She couldn't look into his eyes. She wasn't a killer and she knew nothing about guns. She knew nothing about this feeling that had seemingly taken her over ... What had she done?

Racked with deep cries, she brought her hands to her face sobbing intensely. And then, his arms were around her, consoling her softly.

"It's alright, Sarah. It's alright. "

How could he console her now? Now that she had given in to something so horrible?

He pulled away, and steadied her. " There was an explosion, over there. "

He directed his gaze over the horizen behind them. "That means they probably did not hear the shots. But we have to get out of sight now, before we're discovered. "

He got her on her feet and instructed her to stay close to him. It was pointless to make her hide in the bushes now. So, he lead the way, finding the darker side of one of the buildings. She'd followed him submissively, and disturbingly quietly.

They had only taken a few steps into the shadow, when there was a click behind them. " Stop right there. "

They turned. Sayid stepped up, placing Sarah behind him. Tom was standing there, glaring at them with fiery eyes. " Which one of you did it? "

Sayid squared his shoulders. "Which one of us killed one of you? That would be me. And I would not hesitate to do it again."

" Son of a Bitch. " Tom blurted and then lowered his head, seconds from firing.

Sarah flew from behind Sayid screaming. " No!! "

" Put down the gun Tom. " There was a man behind him. A tall slim man, with neatly cropped, black hair and eyes as dark as Sayid's .

" What the hell? He shot Ryan! "

" I'm not asking, I'm telling you ... Just do it. "

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A/N - Man, there was alot packed into this chapter. LOL! Thanks to someone who unknowingly gave me a cool little challenge with Mikhail. ;) This one was slightly AU, but it isn't as if Ryan was a major player, so I don't really feel like it's really all that significant. And it just made sense to me. I hope you all enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and don't forget to review!


	56. The Man Behind the Gun

**Chapter 56 - _The Man Behind the Gun_**

The last time Sarah had seen Richard, he was twitching on the floor of the submarine. She had never been anything more than verbally resistant to Ben, hence naturally, Richard hadn't expected to be glancing over her folder one minute and writhing on his back with a current of electricity running through his body the next.

Now here he was, dressed in his crisp red-collared shirt, cuffs rolled up, barking orders at Tom. Tom, visibly agitated, lowered his weapon, but still kept it close

Richard eyed Sarah while giving out the rest of his instructions to Tom.

" Now get him back to the swings. "

" What about her ? "

" She's coming with me. "

Sarah stared at them, bantering back and forth, she didn't have to think about it, she folded her arms and then planted her feet in one spot.

" I don't think so. "

Tom snarled on the verge of responding, but Richard answered coolly. " I don't see that you have another option. Your other friends … Jack, Kate and John are all here … somewhere. And there's more guys behind me. "

" How stupid do you think I am ? " She blurted.

" I don't think you're stupid at all. "

"You're not gonna chain him to the swings!" She stammered, nearly stomping her feet. " You're just gonna separate us, and then you're gonna take him out and shoot him! I'm staying right here."

"So, " She scowled. " I guess you'll have to shoot us both. "

Sayid interjected just as he had already done once before. " You should do what he says, Sarah. I'm certain he will keep his word. "

The last time she was in a dilemma like this, Jude was the man behind the gun, and Sarah was his target. But, this was different … they'd kept Alex from her boyfriend as well. They'd locked him up in room 23, in that chair with the I.V. running in his arm and tried to brainwash him. But Karl hadn't killed anyone. Sayid wasn't one of them … he was an outsider. And that made it even more likely that they wouldn't give him much consideration after killing one of them.

Richard chided, in an almost warm tone. " Why don't we all start walking? Hmm … ? You won't be far, you'll still be able to see him. "

He let out a quick breath while shifting his jaw, though his eyes kept a softer-edged gaze on her. "Listen … this could get nasty - and nobody wants that. It's up to you. "

" Let's go. " Tom said, pushing Sayid forwards. Sarah went alongside Richard keeping a wary eye on Tom and Sayid. Richard had not lied, there were three more guys behind him. Sarah didn't know any of them.

Once Sayid was chained again, Tom trotted up next to Richard, apparently puzzled by the direction they were headed. "You _are_ going to take her to Ben … "

" … _aren't you? _"

" Ben's handling other business right now, Tom. I'll talk to Ben when he's ready to be disturbed. Alright? "

Although Tom was visibly annoyed, he gave a snort and turned from them, while Richard lead Sarah to a small cream colored house, with a swing on the porch. He opened the door and then nodded. " After you. "

She was surprised by the cool air pouring out, as she stepped inside onto the smooth hardwood floor, glancing back a moment towards the swings.

The evergreen painted walls were bare, with the exception of a few strange looking wall hangings. A cherry leather sofa, along with a smaller sofa and matching chair encircled an elaborately carved wooden coffee table, that sat atop an oblong swatch of carpet. Further inside, she spotted a simple, but elegant wooden table, accompanied by four chairs.

Richard shut the door behind them. He took her to the dining table and offered her a seat. "I was just about to have some dinner, when all the commotion happened … Let me fix you a plate. "

He returned with two plates. Sarah stared up at him. It smelled wonderful, whatever it was, and it was certainly appetizing … but she wasn't going to eat it.

He smiled weakly, flicking a glance over her. " I guess Ben never served you lasagna ... Some ground meat, red sauce, and our own version of ricotta cheese with noodles. You might want to throw some Parmesan cheese on there. "

Sarah stared at him. There they were sitting in an air-conditioned home and he was serving her a hot cooked meal, on elegant dinnerware, having casual chit-chat. It almost made her sick.

He handed her the cannister of cheese, but she refused it. He withdrew his hand. " Okay. No Parmesan. "

She stared at the plate for a good length of time, never even touching the silverware, or the glass of iced tea he'd set by her. Finally, after growing weary of the weight of his stare, she drew a long breath, cutting a glance to the door. " What about Sayid? "

" What about him ? "

She tipped her head up, eyeing him. " If Sayid doesn't eat, I don't eat. "

Richard stood up, grabbing his walkie with his own plate in his hands while shaking his head. "You're a stubborn one, aren't you ? … Tom … Come in. "

" Yea. What? "

" Step - up here to the door for a minute. "

Tom obviously didn't like the idea, but he followed orders regardless, and approached Richard's doorstep. Richard handed him the plate. " Let him have a free hand, and give him this … if he wants it. "

" What? You're gonna feed him now? "

" Just do it Tom, we can sort this out in the morning. "

Tom scowled, and nearly spit in it. He trudged off to the swings, and then Richard shut the door. He motioned Sarah to the window. " You have a clear view from here. You see? "

She lowered herself in the ornate wooden chair, and ran her finger over the carvings in the back of it, while staring out of the window. Tom was handing the plate to Sayid. He seemed reluctant, but then she thought he'd caught a glimpse of her watching them. He took the plate in his chained hand, and ate with the free one.

She jerked her head around and found Richard there with her own plate. "It looks like Sayid's fine with it. So, now you can eat. I know you're hungry by now. "

She hesitated, and then accepted it. She hadn't realized just how hungry she was until she started eating. At the moment, this la-whatever seemed like the best food she'd ever tasted. He offered her a second slice and she took it readily, digging in with her fork. She'd eaten two or three bites, when she noted the satisfaction on his face. She gave him a steely stare, placing the fork down into the plate. " I don't want anymore. "

There was a disappointed sigh, and then he nodded. " Alright then. I'll wrap this up and put it in the fridge. You're welcome to have more if you like."

" Come here. "

She sat eyeballing him until his voice took on a hint of strain in it. " Look, I'm not gonna hurt you. Now will you please just follow me? "

He took her through the living room and into the kitchen. He showed her where he was putting the lasagna, and then set her attention to a large metal box on the counter. He explained to her how she should put her plate inside and what she should press in order to warm her food.

After showing her this, he took her to the bathroom. He said she would feel better if she cleaned up. He showed her how to turn the on the shower, using the hot and cold water. He then left her and returned again with a basket of clothes. " I'm sure you'll find something in there. "

"You want me to take a shower?"

" Well … quite frankly, you need one. " He smirked, opening the bathroom closet and retrieving a towel. " Take one … don't take one. It's there if you want to use it "

Stealing a glance at the window, she retorted. "How do you know I won't climb out that window? "

He smiled before walking away. " You won't. "

The clothes did smell fresh, and she did not. She stared into the mirror thinking of the last pool of silver she'd looked into. She was on the boat with Sayid, Sun and Jin. She'd washed her face in the sink and when she looked up, she'd seen Juliets face staring back at her, telling Ben she was waking up.

In hindsight, this should have been another clue that Ben was telling her the truth. In the bathroom, she'd heard them talking and for a moment couldn't move her arms or legs as if they were bound. All the while, she really was bound to the table in the Hydra, with Ben and Juliet standing over her.

And so Richard won again. She abandoned the idea of jumping out of the window, and instead, turned on the shower. Then she was standing in it, letting it wash all the grit and grime away. After towel drying her freshly-washed hair, she found a pair of black cargo pants and a pink v-neck shirt.

She felt a twinge of shame, knowing that Sayid was out there in the dark, and she was inside, clean and in fresh clothes.

She found Richard leaning back in the sofa chair, reading a magazine.

" You have … magazines? "

He raised his head. " Feel better now? "

She stared at him. " So, this is where all of you live. "

Perhaps it was the rebellious side of her that didn't want to agree with him. Either way, she ignored his question, and he let her by answering hers.

" Yes … this is where we live. "

She nodded slowly, making her way by the front window. "Does Alex live with Ben? Or does she have one of these houses of her own ? "

She glanced at him briefly. " Of course I'm wasting my breath. "

" I can't imagine what it must feel like. Seeing all of this for the first time, after spending so many years cooped up on the other island. "

" Well " She laughed with a undertone of mockery in her voice. " … at least you're not crass like Ben. "

He lay the magazine down and leaned forwards. "Yes, Sarah, Alex lives in Ben's house. "

She blinked. He'd called her Sarah. None of the others ever did that. If he were playing games with her, his manner was much smoother. He looked at her and not through her, and his voice was warm and friendly. It should have been a welcomed change, but it only made her all the more unsettled. She responded much softer. " All of them call me Laren. They won't even let me have my own name. "

And then there was silence between them. He'd seen a glimpse of the hurt behind her eyes, and he didn't say anything back. Yet, there seemed to be

something sad but thoughtful in his own expression.

He startled her when he rose shaking off the uneasy awkwardness. " Well, I'm going to bed. You can stay there all night if you want, or you can sleep on the couch. Or, you can use the spare bedroom. It's the door on the left there next to the bathroom. "

She glanced out of the window, and then at him. " How do you know I won't just leave? "

He answered with a faint smile. " You won't. "

He paused when her expression revealed a hint of worry. She stared out to the swingset and murmered. " They think he killed Ryan. "

" We both know he didn't kill Ryan. "

She blinked again, wrenching her head around and locked eyes with him. He tilted his head. " It was written all over your face when he confessed. "

" Look, you can take me on my word that nothing will happen to him. "

She was staring out into the darkness, watching Sayid draped over the swingset, certain that she'd seen him looking back a few times. And then suddenly, she bolted up screaming in the middle of a bed. It took her a few minutes to realize she'd had a nightmare.

She was sitting up, curled into a tight ball and trembling when Richard bolted through the door. " What happened? Are you all right? "

" I … I was dreaming … " She flicked her eyes over the room, and then down at the bed. " H … how did I …?! "

He sat on the corner of the bed. "You fell asleep with your head on the windowsill. I wasn't going to leave you like that."

" You carried me in here? "

She couldn't decide what was more startling, that he carried her there or that she didn't wake up. "I … it was a nightmare. "

" You're still shaking. I'll go get you some water. "

He stayed with her for sometime while she sipped the water. She wasn't quite sure what to make of him. " You really don't remember me, do you? "

" You mean when I tasered you in the sub? "

He smiled. " No … No long before that. When I brought you here. "

She had a vague memory of him when she was young, but she hardly saw how that would matter to him.

" You were so shy, but curious. " He continued thoughtfully. " You wanted to know about everything. "

She listened but couldn't be more baffled. Reminiscing just didn't suite the others very well. Beyond that, it messed with the part of her that hated them. She set the glass on the bedside table, tilting her head. " Why are you telling me this? "

He smiled almost as if she'd hurt him. " No reason. Just making conversation. "

He sat with her until she'd finished the water and had eventually calmed down a bit. It was quite the paradox. She wanted to mistrust him, even though he had helped her escape the first time. Yet, his voice and his eyes were both genuine. She found herself grappling with the unbendable rule that you don't trust one of them, and the fact that one of them was showing her kindness.

She'd deducted that he lived alone. He wore no wedding band, and there was no sign of anyone else with him. The room she was in was the spare bedroom. This in mind, there was one thing in particular that had been bugging her since the moment he'd handed her the basket of women's clothes. She set sat up straighter. " Well then, since we're making conversation. I have a question. Where did you get all those clothes? "

He dropped his eyes for a moment, squeezing the bridge of his nose between his fingers, then set his gaze one her again. " Well … I was married. "

" Was? So, you're keeping your ex-wife's clothes? "

" No. No … the 'was' is because she died. It was a long time ago … "

His voice trailed off and then back as he seemed to regain control of his thoughts. " Anyway, you are about her size so I thought they'd be a good fit. "

She almost felt sorry for him, witnessing the shadow of sadness in his eyes. But she pressed him a little more. "How did she die? "

" There's something about this island that … Well … pregnancy here is a death sentence for women. They can't carry a baby full-term. "

" You lost your wife and your baby then ?"

He nodded, but his faced flushed from the emotion she saw behind his eyes. Either he was a very good con-artist, like Ben. Or he was a man who truly loved and missed his family. " You look like her. My wife. You have her eyes. "

Suddenly the conversation took an uncomfortable turn. She threw her feet over on the floor. " I'm … I'm sorry I tasered you. " I just didn't trust you. "

He knew where she was going, and he let her pass him. " I don't blame you. What reason did you have to think anyone was going to actually help you? "

She passed through the hallway, into the living room and then settled into the chair. Sayid was still chained to the swings, and she saw him move his head.

" If you're trying to help, then why don't you just let us go? "

He swiped a palm over his mouth, while standing next to her. " You know I can't do that. "

" Do I? "

She took another long stare out of the window, but turned her head when she heard him say - " You really love him, don't you? "

She wanted to answer " Why do you care? " but the look on his face left her choked on her words. He squatted down next to her and though she tried hard to look away, she found herself staring into his eyes. He put a hand on her shoulder. " I think, Sarah, that this time … you're going to get what you want. I think it's unavoidable. So you should think about it before you make commitments, decisions. You're still young. And there's a ton of people out there you haven't met. Things you've never seen or done. "

She stared at him blankly. She hadn't been around him much at all until now, yet he was talking to her as if they had a close bond. It should have crept her out, but it just confused her more than anything.

He sighed and then rose, turning back to his room. " Goodnight Sarah. "

And then he closed the door.


	57. Ben's House

**Chapter 57: _Ben's House_**

"_Sarah? Sarah, wake up!" _Was someone calling her? She heard him, but he sounded so far away. Not only that, but she couldn't move. And not only could she not move, but she couldn't feel her body.

_Did she just moan_?

She moaned again, and tried to move her limbs. Her head was pounding.

" Sayid? "

"_She's waking up." _She's waking up? … Oh crap! Where had she heard_THAT_ before? It was when Tom shot her in the head on the sailboat and she blacked out only to wake up in the Hydra with Ben and Juliet hovering over her. _When she discovered that the previous two months of her life were all in her mind. _

" Oh God … _what now? _" She groaned, trying to clear the fog out of her head.

" Have some water. Take it slowly. " Sayid was leaning over her, staring into her eyes - with a halo around his head.

" Oh God … _Now_ you're an _angel …_? "

" What? "

She squinted. " The halo … It's the halo … "

His cheeks appled over the turned up corners of his mouth. "Hardly."

She fixed her eyes on him. " Who am I ? "

He set the water down and lowered his head, staring even deeper into her eyes. " I'm supposed to be asking you that. You don't remember? "

Of course she remembered. But the last thing she knew she was sitting in a chair by the window, staring out at Sayid chained to a swing-set. Now, she was waking up with him by her side and Juliet hovering like some flesh-hungry, meat eating bird. Who could blame her for being a little confused - and a little cautious.

At least she hadn't woken up tied down, or with Ben gawking at her, or Sayid readying himself to start torturing her for answers. Still, she responded in hesitation. In reality she only looked even more perplexing as she rolled her eyes around. " Uh. Well … Yeah … I … Mean no … I mean of course I do … "

It was then that she reacted to the figure standing off to the side, watching them intently. Sarah popped up like a spring. " Wait a minute … what's going on here? "

" It's alright. " He said, bracing her by the shoulders.

" No … No, tell me what's going on! "

Flicking her eyes around, she realized she was, at least, still in Richard's spare bedroom, and Sayid did call her by her name. This would have been a good sign that things had not taken an even more bizarre turn, were it not for the third person in the room. Eyes narrowed, she stared up at Sayid and then at Juliet, perched against the doorframe. "Is this some kind of game?"

" No. The others have gone. They've left us behind, but not before releasing sleeping gas into the barracks. "

She cut a side-stare to Juliet. "They left _her_ behind too? "

He sighed and nodded. " So she says … "

"And you believe her? " She cut another steely-eyed glare at Juliet. "Are you kidding me?! That's a load of crap and _you_ know it! "

" No Sarah, it's not a joke. " Juliet answered quietly.

" Oh, so _now_ you're calling me Sarah? "

Juliet lowered her eyes and then raised them again. " Look … um … Sayid, I'm just gonna go check on Jack and Kate. See how Jack's doing. "

Sarah eyed her walking out of the room. " You know you can't trust her … Right? I mean … She … She was by his side … She … "

She cut off her own words, with a slow processing thought. " Did … Did she say Jack? " With widened eyes, she clamped a hand around Sayid's arm.

"Wait, Jack?! Jack's here? He … He didn't go with them? "

" Yes, Jack is here " He replied. "I'll take you to him. But first … I want to have a look around. "

She threw her feet over the bed and then noticed him staring at her. His eyes followed from her face down to her feet, making her uncomfortable, but strangely tingly. She shifted her feet and shrugged. "I took a shower … And um, changed clothes. "

Another moment of awkward silence and then she was following him from the bedroom, through the hallway and into the living room. " Just so I know. I really _was_ with you, John and Kate last night before we got caught? All of that happened? Right? "

The look on his face told her she need not ask more. " Sorry, I just … well, the last time I woke up like this, Juliet was standing over me and I found out the last two months of my life didn't really happen so … "

She stopped short in the middle of the living room, when she turned her head towards Richards door. She stared for a minute or two, and then she was standing in front of it. Sayid hadn't interrupted her. Instead, he indulged her as if curious to know what she was up to. She lay her fingers over the knob and then twisted it.

This was vaguely reminiscent of another time, with another door. When she'd opened _that _door she'd gotten an unwelcome surprise. Ben gagged and bound hand and foot. Then Jack promptly slid in behind her, yanked her out and locked her up. _Those were the days. _

She pushed on the door and it seemed to bid her enter. It was well kept, with a crisply made bed and a solid wooden dresser. _But there was no sign of Richard. _

" He's gone too. " Sayid was behind her, eyeing her inquisitively

The last thing she remembered was Richard's hand on her shoulder and being caught inside his soft gaze as he advised her to think before she leapt. Why had he told her this? He believed she would get what she wanted this time?

All she'd ever wanted since being trapped on this island was her freedom. She'd wanted off this island and to be able to go out there over the horizon and live her own way, instead of being locked up somewhere behind a door or strapped to a chair being brainwashed.

" So, he went with them then. " She murmured.

"What? "

"What? " She twitched her head.

He studied her for an intense moment of time before eventually turning to investigate the room. He went over the walls and then opened the drawers, fumbling through them while going over it with her.

" They all met outside. Richard was with them. They wore masks and then released the gas. When I woke, Juliet was unchaining me from the swing-set. "

She didn't remember getting to the spare bedroom on her own, so, he either must have carried her there after they gassed the place, or perhaps she fell asleep by the window again and so he picked her up, put her to bed and then joined his friends ready to gas the place. In the long run, it really didn't matter how it happened.

Although it was rather ridiculous, she'd had a fleeting thought that perhaps he'd been left behind as well. That perhaps she'd have opened the door and found him passed out in his own bed. But now she knew, he'd gone with them.

She would have left as soon as she saw the room was empty, were it not for a single framed photo perched upright on the nightstand. It was a clean shot of Richard, holding a woman by his side.

Sayid peered over her shoulder as she took the photo in her hands. " He told me he was married. But his wife died. Their baby too. "

" She looks like you. " Sayid observed. " The same eyes. "

" That's what he said. " She repeated dazedly. Then, she snapped around, decisively. "There's nothing here. I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. "

She knew her behavior was a bit awkward and strange, but she just couldn't get a grip on it. Just being there put her on shaky ground alone, never mind the events of the past twenty-four to forty-eight hours.

She made her way through the front door and was greeted by a warm, but humid sun. Sayid was right behind her. Questions lined his face, behind the blank expression, but he was uncharacteristically holding back. His nature was to ask, to prod, and then listen to how all of the puzzle pieces fit together. Quietly pondering was not his forte.

Were there questions that for once, he didn't want answered? Was he sparing her the interrogation or was he just waiting for the right time? She cupped a hand over her eyes. "I uh … now what? "

" We investigate the other homes. See if they've left anything of use behind. "

She was willing to follow him around, while he went over each home meticulously, but she couldn't bring herself to go inside them. She had already spent enough time in one of those homes and had no desire to browse the others. No desire, however, until they reached one in particular.

Sayid glanced at her as if to ask if she really wanted to go in. She stepped up and opened the door. Ben's home was not as elaborate or aesthetically pleasing as Richards. It was much simpler by design. Plain furniture.

Sayid turned and was the first to notice the pictures hanging on the wall over a wooden clock. Sarah stepped up beside him. " Alex. "

The pictures were all of her blue-eyed, curly-haired sister snapped at different ages. She looked so innocent and normal. As if the pictures were hanging in a family home, one that had seen generations of warmth and caring.

_Something about it being in Ben's house made her nauseous. _

She turned her back on the wall, staring through the living room and then ran her fingers along the back of the couch as if moving in slow motion. This was Ben's house. This is where he and Alex both lived. It's where they had their evening meal and their breakfasts. Ben probably settled comfortably in the couch and read his books. It made her sick to think about the early days and how she so willingly accepted him at first, confined to the one room not knowing that somewhere else he was living in a cute little house among others who were living the same way.

_She wondered how many times Alex had played on the swing-set outside. _

Sayid stepped beyond the couch and she followed him until they reached a closed door. He opened it and discovered a bedroom. It was obviously occupied by someone very young. Pink curtains hung from the window and a stuffed white rabbit was perched in the middle of the bed.

A variety of pictures decorated the wall. Most were just drawings or paintings obviously done by a child's hands. Still, they were very colorful and did the room a favor by adding a touch of brightness.

One picture stood alone on the top of the dresser. It was of a young boy, draping an arm around Alex's shoulder. Both looked as if they were beaming. Sarah stepped from behind Sayid and made her way to the dresser, staring at the photograph. " Must be Karl. "

Karl, the boy Alex had never told her about. Sarah wondered, had she feared Ben might overhear? Why hadn't Alex mentioned him?

" This is Alex's room. Richard said that she lived in Ben's house … " Her voice trailed as she pondered the events from the previous night.

" There doesn't seem to be anything of importance here." Sayid nudged. "Perhaps in one of the other rooms? "

She absentmindedly bobbed her head and whispered a weak. " Okay."

He stepped aside, letting her pass, and then he shut the door. Maybe he did so instinctually, second nature so much so that it didn't matter that they were poking their noses around an abandoned barracks and it didn't really matter if the doors were open or shut.

They came to another room. The door creaked open by Sayid's hand

and then they both peered into it. It was nothing extraordinary. A bed, dresser, some books. Piles of books, actually. Stacked up on the nightstand and some on top of the tall chest on the left hand side of the bed.

The bed itself was slightly raised at the head, covered in plain white sheets and flanked with metal rails. Probably to aide Ben in his recovery from the spinal surgery. After all, he _was_ in a wheel chair.

Sarah drew a staggered breath and bobbed her head slowly, trying to hold back the hot tears. " This is where he slept. "

Her face flushed with each breath that carried each word she let tumble from her mouth. "This is where he came after he abandoned me alone in that room. He cooked dinner for him and Alex, ate it at the table and then he got under those sheets and put his head on that pillow and went to sleep. And every night, I put my head on a pillow, on a cot, staring at four plain walls and a big metal door. I asked him nearly every day what it was like outside. I asked him if there were other people, other children. And he could never give me a straight answer. He walked out of that door every day, and he came here. He came here and he probably sat on that couch and read his books, sat down to dinner … "

She was aware of the painful, overwhelming silence. Sayid was standing there, in the room with her, quietly watching and listening to her words. It was both a comfort and a humiliation. She suddenly felt as though she were naked.

Before she knew what was happening, her feet were carrying her back through the hallway. She was desperately trying to get to the door and then felt herself come to an abrupt stop. There was a wham, and a sharp pain in her knee. She stumbled forwards and then threw her hands out, bracing herself on the bookshelf she'd rammed her knee into.

It was risen up an inch or two and so she set it down again, stepped back, and then after several long strides she was stumbling out into the daylight. She paced back and forth shaking her hands and lifting her tear-streaked face towards the sky.

Sayid was on her heels, stepping out of the doorway and standing a foot or so away. For the first time, she didn't want him there. She wanted to shove this part of her back inside and not let her out again.

She knew Ben had no fatherly concerns for her, that it was all a façade. She knew he'd mostly lied to her every time he'd opened his mouth. Why had this upset her so much? She almost felt stupid. There she was grieving for the life she never had and seeing for the first time that the very person who denied her had practically everything he wanted. _Or so it seemed. _

And then there was Sayid, staring at her while she grappled with her conflicting emotions. The man whose trust she'd gradually been earning. And she was completely embarrassed. Then she heard the tenderness in his voice as he tilted his head, looking on her with compassion in his eyes. " Tell me what I can do for you. "

She didn't know how it happened. One minute she was hiding her face from him and then the next, she was sobbing into his chest. He said nothing, holding her under the golden sun and letting her cry. Once her cries became sniffles, he let her go, reminding her that Jack and Kate were waiting for them. With that, he placed his hand in the middle of her back and nudged her forwards.

They found Jack and Kate standing just outside of the home he'd been staying in while with the others. Although Sarah's heart skipped when she saw Jack, he hardly acknowledged her. He greeted Sayid and heard the report that he'd covered the barracks and had found nothing useful.

Sarah fixed her eyes on Jack. He _must_ have remembered her from the hydra, but he really didn't know her. She recognized the freckled-faced boy behind his eyes and the inflections in the voice that'd grown much deeper over the years. But he didn't remember her as the small little girl who hung on his every word. Who felt safe when he was near. He didn't remember that she had ever cared for him.

After Sayid told them he'd checked the homes, the consensus, then, was that they would begin the journey back to the beach.

Sayid was resistant, however when he saw that Juliet was tagging along. He planted his feet into the sand and determinedly announced that " She's not going with us. " He fixed a hard stare into Jack's eyes and asked " Why" when Jack retorted " Yes she is. "

A disturbing chill went through Sarah when Jack replied. " Because they left her behind too. "

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A/N - Just think of this chappie when you watch "The Economist" on Thursday - Giggle


	58. Enantiomorphs

**Chapter 58 : Enantiomorphs  
**

Sarah was the next person to halt in her steps just as she was falling in beside Sayid and noting Jack and Juliet taking up the head. Kate passed her, but Sayid turned when he realized she'd stopped walking.

She planted her feet on the ground, and ran a hazel-eyed gaze across the barracks. "Wait a minute … Where's John?"

Jack turned and squinted. "Who are you again?"

"Sarah. " She blinked. She knew he didn't remember her from childhood, but the incident in the Hydra … had he forgotten even that so soon? "My name is Sarah."

Her voice broke a little when she said it, remembering what seemed to be days of torture - _but was probably more like several hours_ - thinking of when she last saw him crumpled up in the corner of the tank. It was because she'd said too much and he thought she was just part of the game.He nodded. "Right … _Sarah_. Well, John's with them now. I guess you didn't get the memo."

"With them?" She echoed. "What's that mean? "

He raised his brows and then all but barked. "Look, Johns made his choice. And what's it matter to you anyway? "

"Well we … We just can't leave him. You're not gonna leave without him … Are you?" Nostrils flaring, she wrenched her head around and stared at Juliet. "Where did they go? "

Juliet met her stare just as heavily. "I don't know."

"Oh the hell you don't!" She blinked, red-faced and scowling. "_Where_did they go, Juliet?"

Even Sayid looked at her as if she'd gone mad, but she took a determined step forwards "How long have you been with them? Joined to Ben at the hip and now you don't know anything about them? "

"Why are you really here? Just what is it Ben wants you to do? "

" Back off! " Jack ordered, stepping between them. " I don't know who the hell you think you are! "

" Leave her alone, Jack!" Sayid had taken two long strides and stood between Sarah and Jack. Now the two men were staring at each other, eye to eye.

_Who the hell was she? _This broke her heart. She was the girl who lay curled up into a painful ball on the floor for him. She was the one who was willing to disobey Ben and suffer the consequences rather than have him hurt Jack, even on the off chance that Ben was lying. But even before that, she was the little girl who'd come to adore him. Who'd stumbled along on his heels everywhere he went. And here he was, looking on Juliet with understanding, but suspiciously at Sarah. She could hardly bear it!

"Look, just everybody calm down! " Kate said, taking her own steps forwards, then glancing at Sarah. "John came to see me, when they had me locked up back there. He told me he was going with them. If they'd taken him by force, it'd be different. But he wanted to go. We might not like it, but it was John's decision."

"Thanks Kate." Jack chided. "So, if we're finished hashing this out now, we need to get going."

With that, they started out again. Sarah eyed Jack and Juliet plodding along side by side and hoped that they hadn't somehow gotten to him.

Sayid was strangely quiet, but Kate strode up beside her. "Are you gonna tell him?"

She was slow to answer, while eyeing them. Of course she wanted to tell him. It was killing her inside. But she wasn't going to give Juliet the pleasure of sharing what should have been her private moment.

Not only that, but there was something holding her back. Maybe it was the way he so easily trusted Juliet, or how relaxed he seemed while tossing the ball back and forth with Tom … or in how he shook hands with Ben. Was the Jack who was returned to them the same Jack who left?

" Kate. " Sayid butted in. " I believe this is between them. "

They eventually crossed a stream, wading in waist deep water, and then Sayid suggested they make camp there. Kate followed Jack who announced he was hunting for firewood. Sarah went on her own hunt for a decent place to relieve herself. She returned to find Sayid and Juliet alone and it appeared as though he was already interrogating her.

" I want to know everything. But the first thing I'd like to know is … who are you? "

Sarah approached slowly, flicking her eyes between the two of them as Juliet stared back at Sayid. "If I told you who I was. If I told you everything I know, you'd kill me. "

" What do you think I'll do if you don't?

" Leave her alone. " Jack barked, carrying an armful of firewood.

Of course it was an unrealistic assumption to think Sayid would relent so easily. He flicked a casual, but steady eye up to Jack with his usual cat cornering the mouse expression. "Sooner or later, she'll answer my questions. "

" She'll answer your questions when she's ready. And you'll wait until she is - She's under my protection. "

Heavy-hearted, Sarah dropped her head, and then turned from them, settling herself a fair distance away upon a thick brown log. She'd folded the pictures of her and Jack into a single tiny square. She drew them from her pocket and unfolded them like an accordion in her hands and stared at them, wondering if she'd ever find the courage to tell him.

" We've started a fire. " Sayid announced, after making his way over. His gaze strayed to the photographs.

She had a far away look in her eyes when she answered somberly. " He doesn't remember me. "

He sat down next to her. "He doesn't recognize you … There _is_ a difference."

"Isn't that just semantics?" She answered.

"You were a young child then. And I am certain this island is the last place he would have expected to see you. Though he may not recognize you, there is no reason to believe that he does not remember. No, it is not semantics at all. "

Pressing her lips together, she gave a quick nod. Nearly a week ago, she was hiding from him, watching him from a distance, fearing if he caught her, he'd torture her. Now, he was offering her encouragement. There was some comfort in that at least, wasn't there?

"That was clever, by the way." He noted, also cleverly diverting her attention. "Going back for Mikhail's eye patch. Not something I would have thought of. "

" Well, of course not. " She cynically half-laughed. " No-one would have questioned whether or not _you_ shot him. But, I didn't go back for it on purpose. I didn't go back for it at all … I shot Mikhail. "

Sayid smiled. "What? "

"They dragged you out there to the swings and I knew I couldn't leave, even after you told me to. I mean, you had me stay behind to keep me safe .. _but you weren't._ None of you were. Look, they've already done what they've done to me. I don't want anyone else to … I don't want anyone else to know what I know ... _At least not the way that I know it_. "

The emotion high in her throat, she drew another breath and sighed.

"Anyway, I saw Vincent.

" Vincent … The dog? "

" No, the painter … Yes, the dog. He … okay, I admit, it was crazy, but I know what I saw. So, I went after him, thinking he was gonna run into the perimeter. I went after him and then he just disappeared … And there was Mikhail. He came at me and I drew the gun. He taunted me just like Ben would, and then I pulled the trigger. "

"Then I thought someone would have heard the gunfire. I was afraid I'd drawn attention to you, so I went back. But not before I took his eye patch. "

He studied her for a moment. " It was dark, perhaps you were confused. "

"It_was _dark. " She agreed. " But I'm not confused. I saw Vincent, and I shot Mikhail. Didn't you hear gunfire? "

"I did. "

She tipped her head in a slow nod. " But you don't believe me? After everything else I've told you, and you believe me about that … But not this? "

He was slow to answer, but when he did his voice carried a gentle sincerity. He smiled and nodded. " Yes Sarah, I believe you. "

The sun drifted farther into the horizon as he softly persuaded her, until she'd agreed to rejoin them by the fire. Soon, she was perched on the ground, the crackling campfire warming her face and watching the flames light up his eyes. She thought once more on his story of the little she camels and then of the seventh star.He flicked a questioning glance across her face when her eyes fell on his bandage and then she rose. She returned, pack in hand, and plopped down next to him. "You have a knife, right?"

He gave it to her, though unsure of why she needed it until she raised her hand to his arm and slid the knife under his bandage. She carefully peeled away the soiled layers and then pulled clean bandages from her pack. "You, um … must have thought I was crazy back in Richards house."

What a strange thing to say on a supposedly deserted island. _Richards house. _As if it were perfectly normal for it to be there, along with all of the other houses surrounding it.

"Richard was one of the ones who brought me here all those years ago … And he's the one who helped me escape the first time, when I made it to Australia."

"The one you tasered?"

"Yeah." She tipped her head up. "And I thought he might wanna get me back for that when he took me to his house last night."

There was a flutter in her stomach when she noted the way Sayid was looking at her, carefully taking in everything she told him. She fastened the bandage. "He said he was about to eat dinner when he heard what was going on outside. And then he offered me some. "

He held her gaze in his and she felt dizzy as she noted timidly. "But I told him if you didn't eat, I didn't eat."

There was that feeling again. The one that made her think she was sitting there naked in front of him. She dropped her head for a moment, fiddling with her hands but when she looked up, her skin prickled upon finding herself caught in his gaze once more. She cleared her throat. " He … uh … He had all these clothes. You know … a basket full of women's clothes. It just … it didn't make any sense. "

"So I asked him where they came from. That's when he told me he'd been married before. I thought he meant that they were separated or something. But he meant … He said that there's something about this island. Something that makes it impossible for a woman to carry a baby full-term. If a woman gets pregnant here, both she and the baby dies. And that's what happened to his wife. She was pregnant, and they both died. "

His brows drew together while he processed the new information. It made him all the more attractive. So she kept thinking out loud.

"Rose told me that on the other side of the island, where the tail-section of the plane landed, they were raided by the others several times. That there were a couple of children that were taken. And that when Claire was pregnant, one of them … I think his name was Ethan, took her too. That he wanted to do something to the baby … or something. "

"Do you think that's why? I mean … maybe that's why they took me … and Alex. Do you think there're more ?"

"I don't know. " He replied, deep in thought. "Did he say if any of the women had ever left the island? Perhaps they were sent away and then mother and child both returned sometime later? "

" Well, but if that's the case, then Richards wife and baby would have lived … right? "

"That would be a fair assumption." He answered.

"I um … Well, it was strange. He was nothing like Ben. I almost thought he was gonna apologize. He knew it was me who shot Ryan. "

" What else did he tell you? "

"Nothing more about them … really. "

His expression told her he knew there was something more. Something she was holding back still. Although her emotions exploded every time she was near him, she wasn't ready to completely spill the entire contents of her heart. So she chose only to tell him enough to hopefully satisfy his curiosity. " He said he believed this time I would get what I wanted. That it was inevitable. I think he meant he believes I'm finally gonna be free of them. "

He tilted his head. " I wonder what would make him say that? "

" I don't know. "

" What else did he say? "

_I think, Sarah, that this time … you're going to get what you want. I think it's unavoidable. So you should think about it before you make commitments, decisions. You're still young. And there's a ton of people out there you haven't met. Things you've never seen or done. _

" He gave me … advice. "

" Advice. "

" He just … He said I was young and there're so many things I've never seen or done, people I've never met. It was like he was warning me before I went out on my own … or something. I should think carefully about my decisions. "

He stared at her just long enough to make her feel like squirming. She wasn't the one who'd said it, she was just repeating it. He drew a breath and then commented. "It sounds rather cryptic. Why would one of them offer you advice? "

Visibly uncomfortable, she shifted herself and then dropped her head. She didn't like the direction the conversation was going. After everything she'd been through with him thus far, would he now turn back and start questioning her again? She blinked and then whispered. " I don't know. "

He let his features soften and said quietly. "I only meant that it was strange for him to say such a thing. I'm sorry if my suspicions appeared to be aimed towards you. "

He tipped his head down, and let the hint of a smile show through. "We should be beyond any trust issues by now. "

She caught a glimpse of his gaze and returned a smile while nodding. Then he went on thoughtfully. "I wonder if it was said in order to make you reconsider wanting to leave? Perhaps he believed you would be intimidated and then choose not to run anymore. A rather subtle form of manipulation."

His observation was completely rational, just like Sayid. Manipulation was something that came natural to the others. As natural as the sun rising in the morning or the moon shining at night. Something that was irrational to question. Yet, there she was questioning if Richard really was just trying to manipulate her … or if it was something else?

There was such a definite sense of sadness in him, behind his confident manner. A confusing mix of otherness and something simply human twirling in his eyes and expressed in his voice.

"Do you think differently?" Sayid asked piercing her thoughts.

"I … I just don't know. I mean, he left me in the living room - alone. "

He smiled gently. "I Know. "

She stared. "How do you … You saw me?"

" I did. And I saw him carry you twice when you fell asleep there. "

She let that revelation wash over her for a few minutes. She thought he'd seen her watching when Tom offered him the plate of food. He'd refused it at first, until he raised his head, and then he accepted it.

He knew she was glued to the window all night. He had to know that she was there because of him. Because she had to know that he was safe. Which meant that he had to know her feelings. Her face warmed with another rush of emotion. But then again, she'd thrown herself between him and a gun twice since they'd left the beach as well as insisting that if they killed him, they'd have to kill her too. " I … I didn't believe they wouldn't hurt you. Not after you confessed to killing Ryan. That's when he told me he knew I did that. "

" He said he was going to bed and when I asked him how he knew I wouldn't just walk out the door, he said 'You won't.' "

" Of course you wouldn't. " Sayid agreed.

When he saw the questions in her eyes, he expanded on his thoughts. "You weren't going to leave your friends behind. You didn't know where Jack and the others were. Of course you weren't going to escape. That is why he could confidently leave you there alone."

She considered his words, with Richards voice in her ears. The way it slowed when he spoke of his wife and child. She was yanked back to reality at the touch of Sayid's hand sliding over her own. "You want to find something redeeming in this man. Something to help make sense of what they did to you, of the kind of people they are. Yet, sometimes, most often than not, there is nothing redeeming in such things. There is no sense to be made from it. "

She stared out over the camp. Kate had already made a place on the ground and was curled up there. Juliet and Jack were quietly whispering as well, until Juliet flicked her eyes up, meeting Sarah's gaze straightforwardly. She shivered and then turned her head when Sayid spoke again. "You don't need to worry about her. "

Then she leaned over until her head was resting in his lap. She curled her legs up and found comfort in his arm resting over her. She watched the sparks of flame lifting up into the star filled sky. The same stars they were both under, only this time they were not only in the same place, she wasn't merely next to him … she was quietly drifting inside the rhythm of his breath. It went unspoken, but it was clearer than any cloudless sky ... she was under his protection.


	59. Affable

_**Chapter 59 : Affable**_

They'd returned to the beach much faster than when they left for the barracks. Then again, there weren't any side adventures to worry with on the way back, such as exploring the farmhouse and battling it out with Mikhail and his partner.

Juliet had the code to the sonic barrier and so they were able to cross the perimeter without any trouble and that saved time as well.

So, when morning rose, they packed up and left the spot where they'd camped the previous night and hiked their way to the rest of the group. Within a couple of hours, they'd broken through the line of trees surrounding the beach and then they were home.

_As much as a strip of sand and ocean could be. _

Jack at the head, a crowd drew quickly at first sight of them. Sarah watched the excitement and then one by one, they embraced him, as well as Kate and Sayid. She felt better when she turned and found Sun there, with Jin. After throwing her arms around Sayid, she smiled warmly at Sarah and hugged her as well. She returned the smile, but Sun sensed something off about it. She dipped her head. " Is everything alright? " Then added. " What happened to your nose? "

Sarah nodded, and then gave a weak laugh. "I kinda … fell. "

She'd almost forgotten and when reminded, briefly amused herself recalling the infamous cabana boy story. The injury hadn't bothered her much at all over the past day or so and the swelling had gone down considerably, however there was still the lingering bruising that hadn't yet faded away.

Sun rolled her eyes. " You fell on your face? "

She'd said it jokingly, but then laughed with her hand over her mouth once she realized that it was, in fact, what happened. For a moment, Sarah felt at ease. She was with the only people she'd ever known as friends and she was home. The feeling was short-lived, however, when Sawyer let go of Kate long enough to bark. " What the hell is _she_doin here? "

All heads turned with his and the sentiment echoed in the faces of those around. It was similar, but not identical to the looks Sarah received when she returned to the beach with Sayid, Sun and Jin for the first time.

Sarah was a stranger among them, but came with Sayid's seal of approval - in a sense.

Juliet had entered the camp with Jack's own personal stamped endorsement.

It seemed the same - yet it was different.

While their first experience with Juliet involved her shoving a gun to Kate's head in order to keep Sawyer in line and manipulate Jack, Sarah's first contact was made when she risked her life trying to keep the gun away from Sun's head and see her safely returned to Jin.

Although to an outsider, they may have appeared mirror images, the truth was that they were mirror opposites.

Seemingly the same - but different.

The human side of Sarah, the part that knew what it meant to be alone, that understood the feeling of having the world against you, could relate, in some small fashion to the many eyeballs surrounding Juliet and staring at her with unprecedented mistrust. The side that knew her as Ben's right hand man, however, gained some satisfaction and also relief that they had not readily accepted her claims of merely being abandoned.

It was Jack, who drew her in and marked her as one of them. To him, that should have been enough for everyone to accept her, but it was in their eyes. Not only did they not accept her, but a glint of doubt had sparked among them as well. Doubt that wondered if Jack had some other plan, some unspoken agenda planted there in the week that he spent with them - with Ben.

" Who is she? " Sun questioned. Sarah glanced back, eyeing Juliet standing with her arms folded and staring at the crowd as if it were a lynch mob.

"That's Juliet, and don't think for a minute you can trust her. Even if Jack says you can. If she's here, it's for a reason, and not one that's gonna be any good for any of us."

That being said, she parted from Sun, making her way to her tent. She dumped her pack off and then cleaned up; changing clothes and washing the dirt from her hair. She took up the hairbrush Sun had given her and then reverted to her ritual of letting her hair dry in the warm ocean breeze while perched on the pile of rocks by the shore, watching the orange ball of sun melt into the ocean.

She stared dazedly off into the distance and sighed. They'd managed to find the barracks, face the others and return to the beach with Jack - but all was not right. One of the others was among them, and there was still someone missing, not including Alex. An uneasiness crawled uncomfortably through her spine, and not one she could easily dismiss.

When she raised her eyes, she recognized the figure approaching. Sayid carried with him an assortment of fish and fruit, as well as bread. She drew her feet under her and sat cross-legged on the rocks, staring up at him." You should eat something, given that you've hardly eaten since leaving the barracks. "

She rolled her eyes. " Yes mother. "

She figured he was going to ensure she ate at least some of it when he lowered himself into the sand, so she took a bit of fish_. At least he remembered that she preferred fish over boar. _

"You said that when you sat out here before, you were thinking of Jack."

If anything, he never ceased to surprise her, when she least expected it, with a pointed question. One that undoubtedly had her teetering on the edge inside. She would have interpreted it as interrogation were it not for the relaxed way in which he spoke.

Yes, she had thought of Jack then. She'd thought of him somewhere out there and what Ben might have done to him once he'd discovered she'd escaped.Though she'd followed her heart, she often found herself wondering if she'd made the right choice escaping in the sub to the Pala Ferry landing instead of trying to figure out how to help Jack escape as well.

In the long run, it worked out. Sun was alive and reunited with Jin. Sarah had learned she was pregnant as well, thus she saved Sun and the baby in the process.

It would have seemed as though everything had fallen back into some kind of order, were it not for the fact that Ben had left Juliet behind - obviously for some undiscovered scheme - and John was with Ben.

"Yea." She admitted. "I guess sometimes I wondered if I did the right thing by leaving without him. And now he doesn't even trust me anyway. "

She wasn't prepared for the next question, although she knew the answer and something in the softness of his voice told her that he knew as well.

"And so … who are you thinking of now? "

If she had once sat there gazing out into the ocean thinking of Jack, who was she thinking of now that Jack was safe? She raised her eyes, and then smiled. " Well, it's not Richard. "

"Sayid … " They flipped around when Jack called. "I need to talk to you."

"Then talk." He answered.

Jack tossed his head as if to insist on speaking alone, meaning without his sidekick. Sayid reluctantly pushed himself to his feet and then gave Sarah a look that said he was sorry for having to exclude her.

Truthfully, she was thankful for the interruption, not wanting to explain why she was so concerned about someone she hardly knew. Someone who was obviously on his own path now. The question hadn't come as a grilling, but of curiosity and concern. She knew the difference, although she couldn't yet answer the way she should.

She finished what she could stomach of the food and once the sun had nearly disappeared over the horizon, headed to her tent. Jack and Sayid's voices carried in the air and she halted finding herself right in the middle of a conversation in which she had not been invited.

It reminded her of when she'd overheard Sayid and Danielle. Only this time, she was standing within eyeshot of them. She could see them, and if they'd looked anywhere but in their own faces, they would have noticed her there. But they were too busy butting heads and all but comparing the size of their manhood.

Unfortunately for her, it did nothing to make it easier to tell Jack the truth. If anything, it only set off the churning in her stomach again.

Jack had his hands on his hips and was aggressively leaning forwards. "Frankly Sayid, I don't see the difference. "

"Well, one marked differentiator, _given that you insist on comparing notes_, would be that Sarah _was_ on the plane and was an unwilling hostage." Sayid noted. "And furthermore, Jack, she subjected herself to torture - for your sake. She risked her life to help rescue you."

" She killed one of them trying to help us escape. "

" And Juliet shot one of them " Jack retorted. "… Trying to help Kate and Sawyer escape. "

"Of course. That's right." Sayid cynically agreed. "While Ben's life was hanging in the balance under your knife. When you threatened to let him die if they did not release Kate and Sawyer. Remind me to congratulate her on her self-sacrificing and dauntless heroism. "

Sayid entwined his arms over his chest, leaned his weight back and cocked an eyebrow. "You misunderstand me, Jack. Juliet's presence there is of no concern to me. I'm not hiding anything. On the contrary, I believe my intentions are quite clear … can you say the same for hers? Or better still … what about your intentions? "

But it was Jack who predictably had the last word. He raised his lip, with a frowning brow while leaning in even further. "If you questioned my intentions Sayid, then you should've never gone back for me."

He turned his head then, and caught a glimpse of Sarah staring at them, growing paler with every breath. He gave a quick snort and then he was trudging off in a fuming cloud of disgust leaving Sarah staring at Sayid, and Sayid eyeing her carefully.

Red-faced, she suck in air and turned her back. " I … I'm sorry. I didn't mean to … I mean … I didn't know you were. I'm sorry … really."

He caught her by the elbow. " Sarah. "

It was enough to make her pause, but she stared forwards, unable to look up, even though he wasn't scolding her. "You should tell him."

She stepped back, blew her cheeks out and then flicked her eyes up. "Just what is it I'm not invited to?"

"Nothing." He said. "We're having a meeting … And you are not excluded."

"Oh." She bobbed her head. "Jack just didn't want me there."

"He was being childish, using you to justify Juliet's presence there."

She turned and gazed over the direction Jack had stomped off. " He trusts her. "

" That's why you should tell him. "

He was staring down, resting a steady gaze on her. She met it straightforwardly. "Do you trust him? Do you trust that they didn't somehow get to him and mess with his head? I mean, look at him, Sayid. He trusts her over the entire beach … over his friends. "

"This is what they do. If they can, they'll be able to get to anyone they want from here and all they have to do is pit you against each other. They leave someone like Juliet behind, she gets Jacks trust because he's the leader and then you either trust him, or fight. Then you'll all be too busy fighting to notice what's really going on."

"You should go." She said, staring at the large crowd gathering at the center of camp. He raised an eyebrow and she spoke again. "It's okay. I don't … I don't really wanna be there anyway."

She watched him disappear under the canopy where all the people were and then she turned away. She flipped back the tarp and went in the tent, pausing when she heard a faint whine. She smiled. " Hi Vincent." And then squatted down, letting out a short laugh. "The last time I saw you, you were …"

He was running around the inside of the perimeter near the barracks. Was that possible? She slid her hand under the dogs jaw and raised his head, staring into his big brown eyes and then just as quickly released him. Whatever it was, it couldn't have been Vincent.

She'd woken up to a rustling sound outside and Vincent sprawled out over her legs. " Sorry boy, but you gotta let me up here. "

The yellow dog rolled over on his back and yawned, showing his pointed white teeth and red floppy tongue. She gave him a firm pat and then rose, sticking her head out and caught sight of Sayid. "What's going on? Sayid?"

He seemed distracted and strangely distant. "Are you alright?"

"Sayid … what's wrong?"

She never seen him flustered or set off balance. He finally turned around and noticed her there. "Sarah. What is it?"

"Well …" She blinked, slowing her words in a blur of confusion. "That's what I was asking you."

" Did something happen? "

Poised with a hand on his hip and leaning to the side, he let out a breath, giving a quick nod. " Yes. Claire is not well. She's very sick. "

"Okay."

Another long pause made her all the more uncomfortable.

"I guess then, Jack's taking care of her?"

He nodded.

Brows turned in, she was determined to know what had him so undone. Claire was sick … okay. But this shouldn't have him in such a way. "Okay, Claire's sick. Jack's taking care of her. "

He stared and then shook his head. "I'm sorry. I'm just distracted."

"I can see that. "

He let the pack fall from his shoulders and then placed it just inside of the tent. "I'm sorry I woke you. I assume you haven't had any breakfast. "

"Um … I'm not really hungry " She replied. "But I am wondering what the deal is with the pack. What's going on? Where have you been? And I know this isn't all about Claire."

He swiped a hand over his mouth and then told her how Claire had entered the meeting the night before disoriented and spitting up blood. Juliet claimed that she knew what had caused it. She had developed an injection designed to help save the mothers on the island during the later stages of their pregnancy.

Ethan had been injecting Claire with this until he was discovered to not have been on the flight plan of 815. Then he kidnapped Claire and tried to continue the injections at the medical hatch.

Now that Claire was no longer pregnant, the serum was making her sick, and Juliet wanted to retrieve the cure and bring it back with her. Sawyer and Sayid followed her to a spot in the jungle under a tree where she dug up a metal case filled with injections. She brought the injections back and used one of them on Claire.

"Did it work?"

"I don't know. She was sleeping and supposedly the serum requires time to work it's way through the system."

He'd given her a little more information, but there was something in his voice. Something had gotten to him … or perhaps someone.

"Well then … I guess we'll find out when Claire wakes up. " She said, reaching for a bottle of water. She wasn't going to beg him to tell her what was eating him and she wasn't going to risk agitating him.

It didn't make any sense. Sayid trailed Juliet out into the jungle and then simply escorted her back knowing she was going to inject Claire with some mysterious serum? She decided not to ask him anymore questions. She would use another source.

She told Sayid that she was meeting Sun and then trotted off, leaving him working on some piece of equipment. Then she diverted, and made her way to a tent setup near the lien to. She noted the figure inside.

"Hi Sarah. " She said with a weak smile.

"Still trying to fool me too, huh? "

Juliet continued smiling. "Nice to see you too. Is there something I can do for you?"

"Yea." Sarah snarled. "You can tell me what you said to Sayid."

"I'm sorry?"

Sarah set her weight on one hip and folded her arms. "I want to know what you said to him. You know, when he tracked you down out there in the jungle? You said something. You did something and you're gonna tell me what it was."

Juliet grabbed a shirt and folded it. "Is that all?"

"Who do you think you're fooling?" She snapped. "Ben just leaves you behind? You get Jack to trust you? Claire suddenly gets sick on cue and you're the only one who knows how to help her? That's convenient! "

"I guess I'd say it was just lucky."

Sarah stepped forwards, setting a hard stare at her. "I'd say it was all part of the plan. "

Juliet rose, and then drew a breath. "Look, I don't have to explain myself to you. I'm here … deal with it."

"I don't have to deal with anything. You're telling me Ben would go to all of this trouble to try to keep me locked up and then just let me go? Just like that? _I don't think so. _You know what I think? I think you're in contact with Ben ... Wherever he is. I think you're working your little plan until it's all set and then he's going to send Tom and the others in here to take or kill us all. Isn't that right Juliet?! Tell me I'm wrong! "

Juliet wrenched her head around, nostrils flaring. "You're wrong! He left you behind, because you're more trouble than you're worth. Because you killed one of them! He left you behind because you're flawed and worthless to him!"

She hadn't realized she'd punched her until she felt the searing pain in her hand. Juliet stumbled backwards with a shocked expression on her face.

"What the hell?!" Jack roared, pushing Sarah out of the way and checking out Juliet's face. He turned again and glared. "Are you crazy? Are you insane?! What the hell's the matter with you?! "

Sarah stared dumbfounded, lips moving but no sound was coming from them.

Sayid was with him when they noticed the argument. He stepped into the tent, and placed himself between Sarah and Jack. "Leave her alone Jack."

"Leave her alone?" He growled. " You don't trust Juliet, but this girls the one going around punching people? Maybe I should ask what's wrong with you?"

"Just stop it!" Sarah cried, stepping up from behind Sayid. The three of them eyeballed her as she moved forwards until she was standing in front of Jack. Working her jaw, she stared into his eyes and then crumpled up something in her hand. "You never even said thank you."

She'd reached into her pocket and yanked the only valuable thing she had left there. After clenching it for a moment, she raised her hand and dropped it into the dirt.

She didn't say anything when she left. She'd moved slowly at first, and then faster as she made her way through the camp. Soon, she was in full run on the beach. Brushing away large tears from her cheeks, she plopped down and sobbed into her knees. She'd been here before.


	60. The Boy and the Mouse

_** Chapter 60 : The Boy and the Mouse **_

" _But you'll always be there won't you Jack? " She asked with worried eyes. _

"_Yea squirt, I'll always be there." He kissed her on the forehead and stood up, but she grabbed his sleeve, and pleaded with big hazel eyes. _

"_Jack, don't go. Tell me a story. One of those stories. "_

Another lazy Sunday afternoon. An overcast sky blanketed the quiet, neatly landscaped neighborhood. While some children rode bicycles down the white paved sidewalks, a small group of teen-aged boys gathered in a small open field playing a very loose game of baseball.

The freckle-faced boy up to bat next scrunched his nose and then tapped the bat on the ground. He squared his shoulders, leaned forwards with the bat raised up and tipped his head.

The pitcher drew back with his elbow, threw his arm. There was a whoosh of the ball as it ripped through the air. He'd made sure to put a spin on it so that it turned into a smooth curve, thinking he would make for a better challenge to the other boy.

With his eye fixed on the ball, the batter swung. There was another whoosh and then a smack. All eyes darted up with a gasp. The ball was in the air until it seemed to block the sun, sending shimmering scattered sunbeams everywhere.

The pitcher flipped around. "Great goin … now what're we gonna do for a ball?"

"We use the one we already got." He retorted. "You're just mad because you couldn't strike me."

" Fine then, smartass. You can go find it yourself!"

He mimicked the boys remarks under his breath and then made his way in the direction he'd noted the ball going down. After scouring the ground, he spotted it nestled in the grass beside a clump of azalea shrubs.

He was bending over to retrieve it when something caught his eye. A flash of color in the bushes. He turned his head.

"_Once upon a time, there was a tiny mouse. Now the mouse was left all alone in the field without anyone to take care of her, until one day, just by chance, a little boy was playing in the field, catching butterflies in a net. "_

"_He held the net in the air until the sunbeams poked through the holes, but it slipped out of his hand and fell on the ground. When he bent over to pick it up, he found the mouse sitting under a rock, shivering. "_

She stared at him wide-eyed, clenching her shirt. Her long ponytail hung over her shoulders in loose ringlets. She looked terrified.

He straightened himself, gazing at her for a moment and then smiled. "Hi. "

She blinked, inching backwards.

"_So, he smiled at her, and then reached in his pocket and took out a piece of cheese."_

"It … It's okay. I'm not gonna hurt ya." He assured. "Look, I've got some candy in my pocket … want some?"

He took another step forwards and then set one knee on the ground, resting a warm gaze on her face. She stared and then cautiously reached for the hard candy, taking it in her small fingers.

He smiled. "It's a jolly rancher, ya just suck on it. Pretty good huh?"

She slid it into her mouth while he continued. "I'm Jack. What's your name? "

Shyly dropping her head, she twiddled with her fingers. "Sarah." And then jerked her head up, with a fearful look in her eye when another voice yelled.

"Hey Jack, what the heck's takin you so long?"

He reached out, laying a hand on her shoulder. "Whoa, it's okay. That's just my friends. Nobody's gonna hurt you."

He chunked the ball in their direction. "Go ahead, I'm out."

The first boy yelled expletives, but Jack ignored him. The child looked to be around four or five. Too young to be outside on her own without a parent or older sibling. "Are you out here alone? Where's your mom?"

Eyes glistening, she drew her hands to her mouth. He blew out a breath and then made another effort. "Okay. Do you know where your house is? "

She nodded and then pointed at the small pale yellow house behind them. He stared up, noting the car in the driveway and stood up, taking her hand.

"Come on."

He led her to the front but took notice of how she'd gradually slowed while squeezing his hand tighter. He glanced down. " This is where you live - right?"

She nodded. They were at the door, but he turned briefly, squatted down and faced her. "Are you … afraid to go back in?"

She didn't say it, but her body language told him something definitely wasn't right. "It's okay. Your mom's in there, right? "

He rapped on the door with his fist. To his surprise, the door slowly swung forwards until it was completely open. He stepped forwards, staring into the room. Sarah clenched his hand, flicking a glance up at him and whispered.

" No."

He inched in further a couple of steps. "Hello? Anyone home?"

Sarah whispered again. "No."

He turned around again, lowering himself to eye-level. "What do you mean no?"

Sarah dropped her head despondently. "Mommy's gone."

The car was in the driveway and the door was open, someone had to be there … right? He tried leaving her in the front room while he checked the rest of the house, but she wouldn't let go of him. He finally relented and took her along with him. They went through the kitchen and then into the hallway.

As if smacked in the face he quickly halted. What if her mother was in the house somewhere hurt or worse? Did he really want her to see her mother like that? He turned around and smiled. "Are you hungry?"

She gave a slow nod and he took her by the hand, leading her out of the house. "Let's go over to my house. My mom's cooking dinner and you can eat with us. Then we'll figure out where your mommy is … okay?"

"_So, the boy pulled out a piece of cheese from his pocket and fed it to the mouse. Then he scooped her up in his hand and took her home. "_

His home was a few blocks away. He walked in the front door and his mother was immediately interested in the child trotting along beside him. He told her that he'd found her hiding in the bushes and how the front door was open. She agreed he'd done the right thing by bringing her home with him.

" I believe she belongs to the new neighbor that just moved in a few weeks ago. I don't think there's a father. " She smiled at Sarah. "Don't you want to wash your hands before dinner sweetheart?"

She instructed Jack to show Sarah the bathroom and then she grabbed the phone. When they returned, she'd already set the table. "I hope you like taco's Sarah."

Jack took his place after Sarah. "Where's dad?"

"He was on call this weekend … I thought you knew. He had to take care of a page, but hopefully he'll be home soon. "

Sarah nibbled on a moderately filled taco and listened to them chattering about the day until there was a rap on the door. Jack eyed his mother as she set her food down and rose. She opened the door and greeted the couple.

A man and woman, dressed in uniform, sporting badges on their crisp shirts. Sarah had seen policemen before, but not so close-up. They glanced at the little girl who stared at them suspiciously, and then they followed Jack's mother into the next room.

"Margaret? " The soft, but firm male voice called as the front door flung open. "What's happened? Why do we have police cars in our yard?"

He shut the door and then stopped in his place when he caught a glimpse of the little girl sitting at the table with Jack. She stared back innocently, caught inside his piercing blue eyes. Margaret came into the room just far enough to call him into the other. He took another glance at Jack and the girl, and then followed her into the next room.

"That's just my dad." Jack said. " He can be a grump sometimes."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea." Margaret said, following the two officers into the kitchen.

Sarah raised her head and then grabbed Jack's arm as the female officer stepped towards her. She lowered herself down, smiling.

"Hi Sarah. I'm Teresa."

She stared at the woman with her hands rigidly in her lap. "It's okay, I just need to ask you a couple of questions."

"I don't think she knows anything." Jack said. His mother gave him a warning look. Teresa ignored him, however, keeping her eyes fixed on the little girl in front of her. "I'll bet that taco is really good, huh? I love Mexican food. Does your mommy cook that for you sometimes?"

Sarah looked at Jack, who nodded. "Sometimes."

Teresa bobbed her head. "What else does she cook?"

"Bsketti. "

"OOhhhh … That was my favorite. So, did your mommy cook for you today?"

"No."

"Maybe she went to the store. Do you think so?"

"No."

"Well, did anybody come to visit today? At your house?"

Sarah dropped her head again, leaning forwards closer to Jack. "I don't like her" She whispered.

Jack covered a wry smirk as did his father, standing alongside Margaret on the other side if the room. Teresa tried to hide her annoyance behind a cute smile, flipping her head up when her partner called her name. She eventually sighed, rose and joined him across the room.

" The boys right. " He agreed in a low voice. "She's not gonna be able to tell us anything."

Teresa ignored her partner. "Thank you Mr. and Mrs. Shephard. We'll be in contact. And I'm pretty sure they're still gonna want to send someone out anyway. It's a bit unusual to let her stay here, but then, they're more concerned with stability, and if this creates it faster, then they'll probably agree to it. At least temporarily."

Christian shut the door behind them, and then turned towards the two children at the table. "So, Sarah … Do you like those tacos?"

She smiled a toothy grin and shook her head while grabbing one in her hand again.

It was one am. Jack rolled over, coughed and then opened his eyes. Sarah was standing by his bed, staring quietly. Brows drawn together in puzzlement, he stared back. "Why aren't you in bed?"

"They might come back." She whispered.

"It's okay." He answered, raising himself up. "Monsters aren't real. Just made up to scare you."

"But they are." She said almost tearfully when he touched bare-feet on the rug and slid his hand into hers.

He stared down at her for a moment and then shook his head. "Come on, I'll take you back. It'll be okay … You'll see."

"_You do remember to count, don't you? " The voice startled her and she leapt up, stumbling off the edge of the bed. The fall seemed in slow motion as she greeted the floor with a thump, knocking the breath out of her on impact. Lying face down, she pondered the thought of getting up or staying where she was and ignoring what she had just heard. Just like a child who hopes that perhaps the monster won't see her if she lies perfectly still and silent. He smiled at her. "Don't be afraid. Just count and it will go away. "_

He led her to the doorway, but stopped when he felt the tug of resistance in her pace. They'd brought her own bedding from her home to make her more comfortable. They'd picked up a few toys as well. Still, she was afraid.

"Okay, "Jack relented. "You wanna sleep in here?"

She nodded exuberantly.

He let her crawl under the covers, and then he went in afterwards. She snuggled up to his shoulder and then he spoke before they closed their eyes.

"Know what I do when I'm really scared?"

She tossed her head back and forth in a definite 'no.'

"I count. And when I get to five, I don't let myself be scared anymore. I make it go away… Now close your eyes."

Together, they closed there eyes and counted to five, quietly in the dark. And then they were sleeping.

The social worker did come around a few days later, and visited once or twice after. A month passed and there was no word as to what may have happened to Sarah's mother. Then two months and three.

Sarah had become well adjusted into the Shephard household though not without some difficult moments. She amused herself during the day, but when the house was quiet, she'd think of her mommy and that's when Jack would wake up and find her staring at him in the middle of the night with her big hazel eyes.

When Christmas came around, they'd decorated the tree and wrapped presents. Christian told mesmerizing stories of Santa Claus while she sat in his lap drinking hot chocolate. Then on Christmas eve, Jack tantalized her with speculations of what would be left by the tree for her in the morning. So much so that her eyes danced in circles and she clapped her hands.

Christmas morning found a shiny bicycle with pink streamers on the handle bars. Later, after they'd opened all the packages and ate until they couldn't eat anymore, Jack took her bike out and stood by her as she tried to figure out how to ride it.

Then she happily fell asleep in the evening listening to the songs on the TV.

"_So, the boy and the mouse vowed they'd never be separated. Because the boy loved the little mouse and the little mouse loved the boy. But one day, when they were out in the field playing, two people came and picked up the little mouse. It was time for her to leave the field and the boy. "_

A year passed and she'd taken calling Christian and Margaret mom and dad. Every now and then, when he didn't have a drink in his hand, Christian would pick her up and set her in his lap. She would ask him questions about what he did at work. This night, he picked her up and asked lightheartedly.

"Do you know what tomorrow is?"

Of course she didn't, so he told her. "Tomorrow is your birthday!"

So she'd hardly slept that night, giddy over what waited for her tomorrow.

When tomorrow came, she was up before anyone was, except for Margaret, of course.

Mom gave her special attention, making a smiley face on her pancake, but there was something sad in her voice. Sarah noticed it when they were alone, but was too caught up in the day, once it started, to pay attention. The same sadness broke in Jack's voice that evening, when he ended his story of the boy and the mouse. A sadness that left her unsettled.

When morning came, she rose, just as she'd always done, got dressed, and went into the kitchen. Jack and Christian were both there. It seemed strange seeing that Jack would normally be at school and Christian at work.

"Is today a special day too?" She asked.

Jack glanced sorrowfully up at Christian and then Christian opened his mouth. " Well …"

He was stopped by the doorbell. Margaret and Christian stared at each other and Jack at them. Christian met Sarah's curious look for a moment and then went to the door. "I … well, we weren't expecting you so soon. I mean, we haven't really had a chance to…"

"I'm sorry." The man said. "I didn't realize, but we are a little strapped for time."

Sarah tipped her head up and gathered an eyeful of the dark-haired stranger entering the door, along with a woman. "Hi Sarah, my name is Richard."

She held her fork suspended in the air over her half-eaten pancake as he approached her, smiling warmly. "I'm here to take you to your father."

Ten minutes later, Sarah was clinging to Jack, crying in long hard sobs, surrounded by adults who painfully witnessed the desperate display of resistance.

Jack finally grabbed her by the arms, tears welling in his eyes. "Sarah, it's okay. You're gonna get to see your daddy. I'll come and visit you."

" Nooo .." She cried. "I'm gonna stay here, with you, mom and dad. I don't wanna go!"

_Sarah's eyes flung open. " That's not a very happy story, Jack. " _

"_Well, " He said. "it will be. " _

_She stared up at him wide-eyed. "When? When will it be happy Jack? " _

Christian took a step forwards and squatted down. "Hey kiddo. You're gonna be okay. I promise."

"Where' s Mr. Muggles?" She demanded.

"I've got him right here."Jack assured, putting the soft brown bear in her arms. He caught her gaze in his and then smiled. "Just remember to count. I'll always be there."

"You will?" She whispered.

"Yea."

"_There was nothing they could do. So, instead of saying goodbye, the boy held the little mouse in his hand one last time and smiled. Then they promised that one day, they would meet again. Instead of saying goodbye, they just said, "See ya in another life. "_

Sarah let Richard take her hand while she clung to Mr. Muggles with the other. Just as they were crossing the doorway, she ripped her hand away and dashed into Jacks arms, hugging him tightly. "I don't wanna go Jack!"

"I know." He said. "But I'll see you again, later."

"In another life?" She whispered.

He smiled. "Yea … in another life."

_Sarah kept her eyes glued on him and whispered. "When will they ever see each other again? "_

_He grinned. "Well, in another life, of course!"_

"In another life." Sarah mouthed to herself, staring out into the distance.

She tipped her head upwards at the hint of a shadow over her. He held her in an intense amber-eyed stare, loosely holding the pictures in his hand. He settled down beside her, looking out over the ocean and then responded somberly. "In another life."


	61. September 22nd

_**Chapter 61: September 22nd**_

It was strange that although Sarah had dreamed - or perchance envisioned - her first meeting with the survivors of flight 815, it seemed to resonate into everything she was experiencing now - to this moment.

This moment that crept upon her and Jack sitting side by side in an unlikely place under unlikely and yet repetitively familiar circumstances. She listened to him breathing next to her, reminded of another fragment of time.

_She wrapped her arms around her knees somberly, watching the seabirds dive in and out of the ocean. Jack's voice reverberated in her head. "So, did she get on any medication? " _

_Crazy. Jude was convincing him that she was crazy! She blinked back another gush of tears. She had once considered the idea herself. _

_She did not flinch or cut her eyes when Jack lowered himself next to her. She stared out into the endless water that met the sky somewhere far away. There was a time, not too long , yet seemingly years ago, when she sat by the water with Jack. When he told her she had a nice smile. When she learned that she shared the same name as his wife. She did not know then that it was actually her name. _

_However, even now, she was not certain. She was very close to trusting him then. Close to telling him the truth. Jack was quiet, which made it easier to ignore him. Though, she could hear his breath. He had once so adamantly defended her to Sayid and then turned on her. Even now, she was certain he doubted her. This made her angrier. She drew a deep breath, and turned her head to him. He met her eyes with a steady gaze, waiting for her to speak._

It was almost history repeating itself - in another life.

She'd sat in this spot before, fuming over nearly the same issue - Jack doubting her - not believing in her. Only this time, it stung just a little bit more, now that she knew the connection between them. Perhaps there was something in her that knew all along, spurring on an even more intense determination to defy Ben.

Now, here she was steaming mad, and Jack was sitting beside her. Only this time, it wasn't about Jude or Ben, it wasn't about anything but the two of them - Jack and Sarah.

She'd been sitting for quit a while coddling her throbbing thumb. Who knew punching someone in the face could hurt _you_ more than t_hem_?

"You know, you uh … you don't keep your thumb in when you throw a punch." He said.

She dipped her head and then cast another hard gaze over the ocean. "I hope you didn't follow me out here just so you could try to make it right by saying you didn't know. Because if you did, Jack … you're wasting your breath."

Perched next to her in the sand, with his legs crossed, he was much quieter than she'd ever seen him. He bobbed his head, wrinkled by raised eyebrows. " You, ah, didn't waste anytime gettin' to the point there."

Whether it was nervousness on his part, or just the mere inability to communicate, neither one mattered. He'd only managed to irritate her further anyway. She shut her eyes, pressing her lips together in a fierce attempt to pack her emotions down inside and then replied calmly. "You know, I could've understood that you didn't recognize me. But we both know what happened back there. Between you and me and Ben. "

"_This is going to seem very cruel …but it's necessary. " _

_She wrenched her head towards Jack, with eyes bulging, and then jerked back around, frantically pleading with trembling lips. "No! Please no! I'll do whatever you want. Anything! "_

_Completely unaffected by her begging, Ben shut himself off and responded disturbingly unattached. "This is how it's going to be. It's your choice. "_

_She shook her head as tears warmed her eyes, flicking her gaze to Jack occasionally. But Jack said nothing, observing from behind the glass. He didn't call out to her, or attempt to defend her. He stood and watched. Ben exposed another device from his shirt pocket. A small, square box, with a button on top. He leaned down, placing the box on the floor, and slid it across to her. It hit her shoe with a thud. _

"_There's a button on that box. " He glanced over to the tank. "When you press that button, the responsive device we planted inside Jack will send off electric shock waves throughout his body. I won't lie … it will be painful. But when I tell you to push that button … you will do it. " _

Arms resting over his knees, Jack's stare set her off balance. One side of her ached to throw her arms around him and savor the reunion. The other itched to punch him as hard as she had Juliet - though she couldn't punch a pillow right now. "You know what I let Ben do to me because I …"

The sentence hung in the air, cut short by the painful crack in her voice.

"_No. " She whispered. " I can't. " _

_A stream of tears trekked down her face and she murmured between sobs. _"_I just can't. "_

_Ben's callous expression never changed, demanding like a controlled drill sergeant. _"_Pick up the box. " _

_Sarah took a long tormented gaze towards him. "I can't do it. P … Please. " _

_Jack's features softened into a compassionate but determined stare as he broke his silence. "Do it. " _

_She stared at him helplessly, mouth gaping wide. He stepped forwards determinedly, pressed against the glass and raised his voice as he repeated forcefully. "Just do what he said … Do it! " _

_Streams of tears chilled her face while she shook her head. Jack stood with a hand on his waist, running the other over his head and licking his lips. "Look, Laren … it is Laren right? "_

_She blinked back another rush of tears repeating. "No … No … " _

_Ben taunted. "You have thirty seconds to decide … or I'll make the decision for you. " _

_Jack pleaded. "Just do it. " His neck extended rigidly with persistence as he shouted…. _"_Do it Laren! Go on! Push the button! DO IT! " _

_Ben. "Laren …" _

_She drew long deep, but staggered breaths, her body tensing, as she grabbed her head with white knuckled fists and rejected their pleading more defiantly. _"_No … No! " _

_Ben taunted. "Laren … " Jack ordered. "Laren! "_

_A ball of fury rapidly ignited from within and hurried it's defiant descent from inside, rolling it's way out of her and then exploding as her brows drew into an exaggerated pointed scowl, eyes darkening with furious rebellion. _

_The single dim light above them flickered, the open door beginning a slow sway as she screamed. "My name is SARAH! "_

"_My name is Sarah." _She whispered.

He drew a breath and then answered quietly. "Look, you're … you're taking it the wrong way."

This was enough to snap her back. She flipped her head around, meeting his gaze and was thrown momentarily by his red-rimmed eyelids. Then she promptly retorted. "What way am I supposed to take it? I … I …I couldn't even move and Ben just kept coming in there over and over and you watched him. You saw everything … _And now you don't trust me?! _"

"It isn't like that." He repeated, with a hint of pink in his face.

"Then how is it? "

"I just, " He stammered. "I was just trying to make a point to Sayid. I didn't mean … "

_He didn't mean to rip her heart out? _He cut himself off, and then steadied his eyes once again, into hers. "I didn't follow you out here to make this about Juliet."

"Then why did you follow me out here, Jack?"

He blinked when his face flushed, and then she found herself fighting back her own tears. "You have no idea what I've seen, what I know. And I don't ever want you to. But Jack, the only thing that gave me any hope back then was you. And then it's like somewhere the universe just said if I couldn't get to you, it was gonna drag you here … _And it did. _"

"But in all the time I imagined finding you, I never thought it'd be this hard."

She swiftly pushed herself to her feet, but halted at the sound of his voice."So is that what you do when it gets hard? Turn and run?"

She flipped around, tears streaming down her face and scowled. He didn't give her a chance to rebut. With tears welling in his own eyes, he shook his head and blurted. "Sarah, I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry."

As if some huge dam had broken, her body started a slow tremble as a wave of sobs hit her. So much more than she'd imagined was there. She really didn't know who was moving closer, him or her. _Maybe both._

Then her face was firmly between his hands as he stared at her with tears streaming down his cheeks. "Sarah."

He gathered her in his arms, and she wrapped her own around him until they were mangled together, weeping and sobbing. The years between them didn't matter. They were there, together now, in the present.

He let her go, but held her by the shoulders, scanning her face. "God, look at you … all grown up. You're so beautiful!"

"Yea, " She mused. "Snotty nose an' all."

He tilted his head and winked. "Just like I remember you."

She threw her fist into his arm and then recoiled, coddling it in her other hand."Ow, Oooh."

"Let me see. " He sighed. It was rather swollen and turning shades of black and blue. He took it between his fingers and then warned. "This is gonna hurt. "

She cried out when he quickly yanked it up, holding her hand firmly in his own. "It was out of joint. Feel better now?"

She pulled it back, cupping it in the other hand. "I'll let you know."

They walked together for a short distance. She asked him about his life and he offered her pieces of information. Specifically, she noticed he'd omitted the fact that Christian was dead, although he did offer up that he was divorced and that his ex-wife's name was Sarah.

"Sarah, " She smiled. "How weird is that?"

"Yea, " He blew out a short laugh while they settled into another spot on the sand. He was gazing at her with a million questions in his eyes.

She'd imagined this moment more times than she'd counted, but now that it was here, him beside her and looking at her like that, she'd lost the courage to tell him everything. He'd promised to always be there for her, to protect her - but no one could have protected her.

"Jack, I ... I know about your dad. " She finally admitted. "I mean, I ... I know he died. I know you were trying to get him, you know. Back home to ..."

Her voice trailed, but the disquieting silence was deafening, should she have mentioned Christian? She knew then that she wouldn't continue by bringing up the apparition calling himself Tom. Or the idea that he'd been with Ana Lucia. She smiled wistfully. "I remember when I first saw him ... when he first saw me. He had this look on his face. And sometimes when I was sitting in his lap... I dunno, he seemed sad as if I reminded him of something he missed. "

He swiped a palm over his mouth and sighed. "We were gonna adopt you … you know. They told Mom and Dad they'd have to wait at least a year to see if any relatives showed up. "

"Human Resources called on the day the papers were gonna be signed. Told us they'd found your father. Maybe it wasn't the best idea, but, we wanted to let you have at least one special day before they came and picked you up. "

"My birthday. "

"Well, yea … " He smiled. "We didn't know when it was, actually … so we just picked that day. "

She bobbed her head, face wrinkled with emotion and smiled. "It was a good day. "

He flicked sorrowful brown eyes over her features and then smiled back.

" Yea … Yea, it was. "

"I'm not afraid of birds anymore. "

"No?" He laughed. "You remember that?"

"Yeah. I remember. " She affirmed nostalgically.

He nodded, and in what seemed like one breath, managed to suck the air from around them. "I just, I don't understand how you got here. How you wound up with them. God, what did they do to you? "

_Sarah tipped her head up and gathered an eyeful of the dark-haired stranger entering the door, along with a woman. "Hi Sarah, my name is Richard - I'm here to take you to your father."_

Was she breathing? _She could hardly tell. _He must have noticed the tension in her hesitant response. "It's okay … You don't have to … "

" They didn't … they didn't take me to my father. " She answered slowly. " They brought me here. I've never seen the woman again, but the man … Richard. He's here … on the island. He's one of them. "

"What?" Jack tensed, working his jaw.

_The door shut behind them. Sarah's hand grew limp in Richards as she tried to turn and run to the house she'd learned to call home. She clenched the rust colored teddy bear in the other. _

"_Hey, " Richard said, grasping her hand just before she was out of reach._

"_It's gonna be okay … I promise. " _

"_Richard, we've got to get going … now_-_he knows!" The woman urged. _

"_Come on." He blurted, scooping Sarah up in his arms. She cried out when her precious teddy bear slipped from her grasp and tumbled onto the chalky white driveway. "Noooo … Mr. Muggles! Mr. Muggles!" _

"I told them somethin wasn't right." Jack admitted. "I heard a car skid off and when I ran outside, I found that bear of yours on the ground. They passed it off, said you just dropped it, but I knew something was wrong. "

She nodded and whispered. "Yeah."

"_Shit." The woman said, when they pulled into the secluded parking lot. _

_The two exited the car, Richard gathering Sarah with him, and met the man peering at them through wire-rimmed glasses with large, chunks of blue ice that were his eyes. "Hello Sabine, Richard - I see you found her." _

_Richard scratched his head, " Uh … yeah. "_

"_And without any problems, I hope. I prefer keeping things clean. " _

"_Not any problems at all."_

"_Good." He said approvingly, and then cast a frightening gaze down to the little girl who'd inched closer to Richard, staring up at him as she had the first night Jack woke up and found her staring at him in his bed. _

"_Hello Laren. " The man smiled, squatting down. "My name is Benjamin Linus … and I'm your father." _

_Richard and Sabine flicked glances back and forth until Ben straightened himself. "Is there something wrong? Something I should know?"_

_Richard clenched his jaw while clearing his throat. " Uh … no. Nothing at all." _

"_Good." Ben smiled. "You'll want to get on that plane fairly soon, then. "_

"_Yeah." Richard nodded, Sabine eyeing the two of them. _

_He smiled down at Sarah. "I guess I'll be seeing you later, angel. "_

"_Oh, Richard …" He added before leaving the three of them. "I hope you weren't planning on making any detours. I don't think that' would be in anyone's best interest. You understand." _

"Yea, they … um, they took me to this … I guess it was some kind of airstrip. I don't know. There weren't any people around. We went by plane to this other place and then they took me down into the submarine. "

"They brought you here by sub?"

"Yea. I met Ben and he told me he was my father. He said my name was Laren. And then he took me to this room. A white room, no windows. There was a … a bed, but it was really plain. A bathroom. That's where I lived - _That's where he kept me._ "

"God Sarah. I wish I had …"

"No … " She cut him off. " There's nothing you could've done. And if your parents would've refused to let them take me … I just … I don't wanna even think about it. "

She closed her eyes under his hand on her face, another wet stream tumbling down her cheek. He slid his arm around her and drew her to him until her head was cradled under his chin. "I just wanna know why. "

"I don't know." She sobbed. "I don't know … I just, I just wished every day that somehow I could get away. "

"Listen to me." He said, pulling back a little and locking his eyes with hers. "I've been with these people from day one. Since we first crashed. I tried to help the injured, find food, water. Everything I've done, I've done for them. I'm not abandoning them … _and I'm not abandoning you._ Do you understand me? I don't know how … but we're gonna get off this island. All of them, you and me. We're gonna make it. You've just gotta trust me, Sarah. _Do you trust me?_"

"Do you trust me, Jack?"

Brushing the hair away from her face, he nodded tearfully. "Yea."

She dipped her head, swiping a hand under her eyes. "I trust you Jack."

She weaved her arm around his and then leaned over, resting her head against his shoulder, watching the waves lick the shore. "It's so strange, you know."

"What is?" She murmured, blinking a piece of sand from her eyes.

He paused thoughtfully and then continued. "I hadn't really thought about it since the crash. I mean, I couldn't help but think about it when we were in the air. Sitting up there, nothing to do. "

"What are you talking about?"

"Well I ... I know you were too young too remember, but, the birthday we gave you. "

"Yea?"

"It was September 22nd. " He continued. "Same day our plane went down … right here on this island. _September 22nd."_


	62. The Breakfast Club

_**Chapter 62 - The Breakfast Club**_

Sarah raised her head and peered into Jacks face. The details of that day remained with her, regardless of the many tactics Ben had used to blot it from her memory. How strange it was to know that it was in a sense, false. A day, a number, plucked from the air randomly out of necessity. The day before the day that divided them ultimately became the day that brought them back together.

Jack was gazing back at her with his amber eyes. She smiled, but not without a hint of dread. Was this a miracle? A sweet turn of the tide, or an omen of things to come? For the last time they were together like this led to their separation and the darkest hours of their lives. She nodded and sighed. "Well, you were right Jack. It seems like the mouse and the little boy did meet in another life."

The look in Jack's face said that he'd caught the touch of uncertainty lingering quietly behind her eyes. They were supposed to live happily ever after, yet at this moment, the two of them perched side by side at the shoreline, with the darkness of the past behind them and the threat of the future ahead, it was clear that not only did either of them want to ask the question, neither one of them savored knowing the answer.

_Was there really such a thing as happily ever after? _

He returned her smile by turning up the corners of his mouth, and drew a breath …

"Jack, hey Jack !" Hurley's voice carried over the waves crashing into the sand.

Jack broke his gaze and turned his head towards camp. "Yea."

"It's Claire! She's awake! "

"What? Really?" Jack responded, getting to his feet.

Sarah dazedly rose also. In the middle of wanting so desperately to know just how Juliet had managed to set Sayid beside himself, punching Juliet and then finding herself reunited with Jack, she'd forgotten about Claire, but was instantly relieved to hear she'd at least regained consciousness.

The three of them headed to Claire's tent, but Sarah broke off. Feeling a bit intrusive, she told them she didn't want to crowd Claire and that she was hungry anyway. With that, she left the two of them trudging their way through the sand, while she headed for the kitchen. She caught a whiff of freshly broiled fish and her appetite increased.

She slid into the kitchen area, scooped up a plate and caroused the table, picking up a couple of pieces of fish with some side items. She raised her eyes at the incoming grunt, and then a shadow.

There, before her, was the stringy-haired beach-blond she had yet to run across since returning to the beach - _until now_. Towering over the table, he glanced over the food until his eyes settled into a particular spot. He looked so awkward, hunched over like that.

Sarah smiled when he grabbed a package of cookies. "Just can't keep away from the Dharmaros, huh? "

Sawyer froze and then stiffly turned his head up. "Excuse me?"

Sarah stifled the laugh, but couldn't help smiling. "You know… Dharma … Oreos. "

He answered with a blank stare.

"What?" She smirked playfully. "Never heard of Oreos? Or Dharma? … Looks like we gotta get you up to speed!"

Finally, after holding her in such an intense perplexed stare, he scrunched his eyebrows together. "_Uh_ …do I … _know_ you?"

She hadn't expected the exchange to entertain her as much as it had, but perhaps it was because she'd needed the distraction. Regardless, she laughed, and then found more amusement in the seriousness of his face. The reference was one-sided in so much as, he had no memory of ever having this exact conversation with her, on this very beach, nearly two months ago.

"Oh my name is Sarah … you can call me stripy." She responded, feeling a little devious, and not guilty in the slightest.

"Kaka! " Sawyer roughly shook his head as if trying to rid himself of ear mites. "You on somethin? Or, do you _need_ to be on somethin ?"

Sarah laughed again. "Na … you?"

He tilted his head as if completely out of lines.

"Seriously, " She relented, "My name is Sarah."

"Uhhuh …" He nodded, and then rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

She watched him grab some water and rip open the cookies, thinking on when she'd last seen Sayid. Claire was sick. This is what Sayid told her. Juliet claimed she could cure her, but needed to pick up a stash of vaccines Ethan had hidden near the caves.

An acutely skeptical Sawyer and Sayid followed her. Sayid had been excruciatingly vague in the recount, only noting that Juliet did return with the vaccine. Nothing to explain why he was acting so strangely. Just what had she said to unnerve him so?

Sawyer had to have heard. Sarah knew the odds were that asking would end in him telling her off, but her tongue seemed to have been motivated faster than she could restrain it. She heard herself rattle off the question, sending her heart palpitating in serious reconsideration - _What was she thinking? _

His eyes popped as if from a spontaneous epiphany. "Right … you're that girl! The one Sayid brought back from the jungle. Tarzanna. "

Now it was Sarah's turn to be taken aback. _Tarzanna? _

"What?" He snorted. "Never heard of Tarzan?"

She just stared at him. Well, he'd managed to take the cake again. She dropped her head and smiled, then looked up. "Okay, so now we've gotten this out of our system. I just …"

"Wanna know what Juliet said to wig the Iraqi all out?"

"Well, I … I wouldn't have put it like that … but…"

"Of course you wouldn't, that's why I'm around."

_"Right."_

Sawyer turned and leaned back against the table, downing a half a bottle of water then cast a clear gaze at her. "Why don't we talk about you? What's your story? Sayid just found you runnin around in the jungle out there …?" Then his eyes narrowed. " Or are you one of them?"

She stumbled backwards slightly as if he'd pushed her, and blinked. "I was … I mean I … No, I'm not one of them."

She recognized the familiar burn in her face. It was the rush of embarrassment, and a bit of that exposed feeling. The weight of his steely blue eyes didn't do anything to help either. He smirked, knowing he'd gained the upper hand. But then, he seemed like the kind of person who always found a way to do that.

"Really, now? Well, I'll tell you how I see it …You're either one of us, or one of them."

She hadn't felt like this in a long time. Not since seeing Sayid again for the first time and feeling as if she were crumbling under his dubious stare. But then, she considered Sayid and Jack and felt her confidence returning. She shouldn't have to prove herself anymore, not after everything she'd been through.

Then, she had her own epiphany- _ish_ thought. Sawyer never gave anything away for free, no, everything had a price. She gathered herself, held her head up and drew a long breath.

"Fine." She announced. "If you're so interested, then here's the deal. You tell me what I want to know …and then I'll answer _your_ questions."

It was funny how Sawyers dimples showed through regardless of his expression. He chugged the remainder of the water, stood up and then smirked while he turned his back on her.

She squinted. "You wanna know what happened between Jack and Kate on the way back from the barracks?"

It was nervy, but it tumbled out of her mouth before she'd really thought about it. He halted, turning a head over his shoulder and then he rotated his body around

"She asked him how long it was before he fessed up about all the people he'd tortured and then said somethin about somethin that happened in Basra."

"That's it?" She said, staring at him. "Nothing else?"

"That's it. And no I didn't care … so I didn't ask … happy now?"

She knew he was telling the truth, but it was still nearly as vague, in that, although she knew what was said, it didn't really tell her why that would upset Sayid so much. She found herself freshly angered. Juliet might have had Jack fooled, but she'd learned under the tutelage of the master of manipulation. _Benjamin Linus. _And it seemed she was still using the skill to her advantage.

Sarah asked nothing more, as she moved forwards stopped only by the heavy stare of two razor-blue eyes. She looked up. "Nothing."

"What?"

She tilted her head. "Nothing happened. Sayid and Jack were too busy arguing over Juliet."

He looked at her as if he'd just been conned, then it was Sarah who smirked while turning and making her way back across the beach.

She wasn't really paying attention to where she was going until she heard someone call her name. She turned just in time to catch Claire trying to hold onto a large flap of tarp that had worked it's way loose from her tent.

"Thanks." Claire offered after Sarah helped her reattach it.

Sarah smiled. "It's no problem. Looks like you're feeling better. "

"Yea, I … I don't really remember much."

Sarah followed her under the tent when Aaron started crying. He was a beautiful baby.

Pale skin and sky blue eyes, just like Claires. He turned his head and stared right into Sarah's eyes. "You wanna hold him?"

"Well …I …"

"Here …" And then she was coddling the baby in her arms.

Aaron reached up and grabbed a fistful of hair, but he didn't pull it. "He's beautiful."

"I think so," Claire responded. "I dunno, you think you know how things are supposed to be and then this baby comes along and suddenly he's the only thing that matters."

Sarah stared down at Aaron. She had never really seen a baby before. Not that she could remember. Now she was holding one in her arms. A tiny little bundle of life wriggling and squirming in her grasp, one hand holding her hair and the other wrapped around her index finger. It was easy to see how such a thing could change your life. She glanced up and noted Claire staring at her pensively. She tilted her head. "Do you ever wear makeup?"

"Well …uh …no."

She reached for the baby and then murmered thoughtfully. "But you have such pretty eyes and a great complexion. You know … I have this blouse. It's really pretty but never looked right on me, but I think it'd be really nice on you."

Ten minutes later Sarah was sitting very still while Claire was drawing something on her eyelids. "Now, just hang on for another minute or two, I'm almost done with your eyes."

"What's that?" Sarah asked when she drew out a stick with a fluffy top to it.

Claire laughed. "It's a blush brush. To get the blush on your cheeks. I'll show you in a minute. Do you have your ears pierced?"

"What?"

"Your ears. You know, so you can wear earrings?"

"Uh …no."

"No worries" Claire noted, concentrating on the blush. " …I have some clip-ons."

For some reason, she couldn't help but feel like a childs doll. The kind that gets dressed up or down or any way in between at the childs whim. It was however, an interesting contrast from the first part of the day, and so she submitted to the whim, while engaging in idle chitchat, such as what might be happening on the other side of the world.

"Beautiful." Claire avowed. "Now, what can we do with your hair?"

"Oh …" Sarah chuckled. "Gosh, really, this is enough."

"I know." She continued, as if Sarah hadn't said anything at all and then ransacked a small bag until she'd found a brown leather barrette. She walked around, standing over Sarah and then gathered the chesnut locks up loosly, clasping them in the barrette, leaving some of the strands to hang around her face.

"Now, we just need to get a mirror." With that, she unearthed a hand mirror about the size of a full face and gave it to Sarah.

She blinked when she first set her eyes on the reflection, hardly recognizing herself. Her eyes were lined with topaz, and the lids filled with a pinkish brown color. A few strands of white hair fell around her face.

"I think it looks really nice!. "

"I …it does. Really. " Sarah agreed. "Thank you Claire."

"Oh really … it's no problem, I need to thank you for the distraction! I used to do makeup for my friends all the time. I kinda miss it. "

Sarah took another stare in the mirror and at the face staring back at her, admiring the green square- necked blouse, considering the first time she'd encountered Claire_. It wasn't nearly as pleasant._ A simple question brought her back down to earth.

"So … when's your birthday?"

Claire was hovering over Aaron, and glancing back at Sarah. Her birthday? An odd question, but a sobering one. She only knew one answer, but really didn't want to give it.

"Um …September twenty-second. "

Claire turned back, with a startled look on her face. "Seriously?"

Sarah nodded slowly. "Uh … yeah."

"That's quite a coincidence ! Ugh …What a shitty birthday."

It would have looked that way to an outsider, but it was actually quite the opposite. It was a very good day spent with people she loved. It was the next day that went to hell.

"Yeah, a coincidence." Sarah mumbled.

"Well, I wouldn't have figured you for a Virgo. You seem more like a Pisces to me."

Sarah had no idea what she was talking about, but smiled and murmured an "Oh" or nodded here and there. Then she stood and thanked Claire again.

She made her way out of the tent, Claire trailing a ways behind her. Taking notice of the figure she'd nearly collided with, she took a step back, apologized and then raised her eyes. Sayid was staring at her, with parted lips.

She stood there uncomfortably for a moment and then blurted. 'What?"

He flicked a slow gaze over her, until her skin tingled and then said dazedly. "What happened to you?"

Had a warm gust of wind hit her face or had the blood all rushed up to her cheeks? She couldn't tell. She pulled in her bottom lip and then glanced nervously back at him.

"Why? Claire did it. What's wrong?"

He shifted his weight slightly, with a clumsy smile. "Nothing …it's just …different."

Different? What did that mean? She lowered her eyes, and then noticed he was carrying something wrapped in brown paper. "What's that?"

"Hum?" Then he glanced down. "Oh … these are for you."

He handed her the small bag. "Magazines I took from the stash. I thought you might enjoy browsing them."

She grabbed them, and for a moment they were both holding a side of the bag, unable to break a gaze that sent Sarah's head spinning. That is until Sayid eventually smiled, and made his exit. Bernard was waiting on him for some help on a project, and he couldn't be late. Sarah watched him disappear over the hill.

"Wow!" Claire gushed, "Did you see the way he was looking at you?"

Sarah jerked her head back, trying not to blush. "What? What do you mean?"

Claire shook her head and grinned. "Ohh … _you _know what I mean! "

Several hours later, while daylight faded into the soft evening shadows, Sarah had nestled into the white sand, near the shore, captivated by the pages of the magazines.

She was struck by the amount of thought Sayid must have put into collecting them. They certainly didn't seem to be random picks. There was a Food and Wine one, a couple of specialty clothes and fashion, and one on photography. She found _National Geographic Travel _particularly interesting. Her favorite of all wasn't any of these, although they were fascinating and each one told her something about the outside world. She was most impressed with the smooth hard covered book entitled "_The World Atlas. "_

She found that she could read an article in the Geographic Travel magazine or study a picture and then go to the Atlas to find out where it was on the map. This was the most clever thing she'd ever seen. A map of the world!

"I'm glad to find you enjoying those." Sayid stood over her and then lowered himself down beside her.

With the travel book spread across her knees, and the Atlas opened in front of her on the sand, she glanced up with a contented smile. "I found Korea and Australia."

"Very impressive." He teased.

She stared at the map, eager to ask questions. "Is the ocean really that big? "

"Well, " He said, dragging the books so that they were spread equally between them. "Actually, there are several. This one is the Atlantic and here is the Pacific. The Indian … and then there's the Arctic."

"I saw that. Are there really big chunks of ice floating in it?"

"Yes." His face brightened. "Icebergs. And the days and nights are very long,"

"Long?"

"Yes …the sun sets in the winter and doesn't rise again until six months later, then it doesn't set until winter comes again. But they say you haven't lived until you've seen the Auroras."

He reached for the magazine. "I've not seen them in person, only in pictures. It has something to do with the natural electrical charges mixing with the Earths atmosphere. But the indigenous people call them The Dance of the Spirits."

He went on to explain that before the South Pole was discovered, early mapmakers believed there was a phantom continent. They called it _Terra Australis Incognita, _the unknown land of the south. They believed this land mass brought stability to the Northern hemisphere. It was an urban legend, a myth, that certain mapmakers marked the place on their maps as "_hic sunt dracones_" - _Here there be dragons_.

He dipped his head down while sliding a finger under the open page of the magazine and then paused, studying it thoughtfully.

Sarah kept a steady gaze into his face. She could have sworn a jolt of electricity shot through her when he raised his eyes to meet hers. Her own voice sent chills over her skin as she softly queried. "You put this together for me?"

He flicked a few light glances over her face and then smiled, tipping the Traveler magazine up a little. "Of all the places you could read of, you picked Iraq?"

He was referring to the large two-paged spread, complete with brightly colored photos focused soley on his homeland. She knew she was blushing again, resistance was futile and would only result in further blushing. So she broke out in a gentle laugh …"Yea, well …I"

She'd been going through that article more meticulously than anything else she'd already skimmed over, combing through the different cities mentioned and then finding them on the map. It brought her a huge amount of contentment to finally have some idea of where his home was and even moreso just to read about the land itself and study the photographs.

He tilted his head in a crooked smile. "I didn't really go through them myself. " Implying he didn't know there was such a lengthy and detailed spread of his homeland inside.

"I'm glad it's in there." She responded. "You must be really missing it by now. Missing the people who know you best … I mean."

She was certain she caught a certain misty look in his eyes, and then she casually flipped the page, witnessing a less sentimental expression manifesting. A cloud of gloom draped over his features in a single moment.

She dropped her eyes down to the page. None of the other words or pictures needed to be there at this moment among the name that seemed to be the only word on the page.

"Basra." She'd said it out loud and then her heart fell like led into her stomach. For the millionth time, _what was she thinking_?! Instinctively, she wrenched her head upwards, signaling that the name was not new to her, which of course made her feel like even more of a jackass.

Although he didn't say so, it was written on his features …this was a topic he would not be willing to discuss. He lay the book down into her lap once more and then drew a breath.

Brow wrinkled, she stared at him, feeling herself cascading into a moment of verbal ineptness. "Sayid, what's wrong?"

"Nothing." He protested, rising to his feet. "I'll see you in the morning."

He seemed a man looking for a way of escape, as they both tried to ignore the elephant wedged between them. Although she didn't know the sorted details, she knew there was a Basra, and she'd inadvertently told him that she knew. Obviously this concept left him a little more than merely unsettled.

She blew out a hard breath and shook her head after he left her there, sitting alone in the sand. What was she going to do? Flat out tell him she knew what Juliet said to him? Look to expose whatever secret he felt he needed to keep close?

He was her strength. And though neither of them realized, he had been since the day he found her nearly pummeling herself with boulders set in Danielles trap. She'd fought harder to get back to him than she had to get off the island. What would she do now? Be his source of weakness by helping to torment him with such a disturbing memory?

She closed the books, feeling guilty that his thoughtfulness towards her had served to pretty much bite him in the ass.

The darkness had long settled in, and the main campfire had melted into glowing embers. Sarah lay face up in her tent listening to the gusts off the ocean tossing around the leafy palms. Vincent had been there earlier, lapping up the bowl of water she'd kept for him since the day she returned to the beach.

She'd closed her eyes several times, but couldn't even accomplish drowsiness, much less sleep itself. She'd rolled to one side and then the other. She rose when a shadow crossed the front of her tent. She would have thought it was Vincent, had it been shorter.

But this figure was much taller than a dog. It was elongated and upright.

The shadow was accompanied by the whispers. It was as if they were traveling on the wind, weaving their way in and out of the breeze. "_Is that her? Where is he? Can't let them know … can't find us. Stop them." _

Sarah crept up to the front of the tent, and then quietly slid out into the night. She wrenched her head sideways and scolded breathlessly. "Geez, you scared me! What are you guys doin out here?"

She'd always been a little skeptical of Nikki and Paulo, but finding them skulking out here in the dead of night didn't do much to make her want to drop her guard. Especially since they were the only two people she had not seen since the day Eko died.

The both of them stood there, staring at her until she was successfully spooked. Eyes narrowed she spoke again, with a hint of reservation in her voice. "What do you want?"

Heart beginning it's fearful palpitations, she rattled off. "Are you …Are you working for Ben? Was I right all along? Why won't you answer me?"

There was a feeling as if sound had just been sucked into itself and had left an invisible black hole. She couldn't lift her feet.

Nikki answered impassively. "It's going to be bad."

Her head flipped around when she heard a grunt coming from Sayid's tent. When she turned back, Nikki and Paulo were gone. Her attentions were then srawn to the tent when she heard an increased sound of distress coming from inside.

Sarah hadn't entered his tent once from the day she'd returned with he, Sun and Jin. She stood on the outside listening to him muttering in Arabic, audibly disturbed by something.

She called his name, "Sayid?"

_No answer. _

"Sayid, are you alright?"

_Still no answer. _She sucked in a draw of breath and then slid into the tent, headfirst.

He was on his back, eyes closed, visibly struggling with something in his sleep. He tossed his head, grunted and then issued off another roll of Arabic, while clenching his fists.

A rush of guilt filled her, had she unintentionally instigated this? She'd grilled him back at the farmhouse about the woman and the cat, and when she did so, he'd withdrawn from her, seemingly agitated by her curiosity.

_It wasn't as if she had no knowledge. She had already seen him kneeling in front of the woman and confessing in heartbreaking tears what he'd done to her. _

He reacted the same way earlier when confronted with the name "Basra." He'd shut off and then left her bewildered.

She crept closer, holding him in an empathetic gaze and whispered. "Sayid?"

_He hadn't heard her._ He continued wrestling in his sleep and so she knelt down beside him, paused for a moment and then gently lay a hand on his arm.

_"Sayid?"_

What happened next was very quick. She was drawn into a strange, foggy vision of chaos and destruction. Women crying over their children. She was then snatched back when Sayid abruptly lunged at her. He lept up, grabbed her and then slammed her into the ground, wrapping a hand around her throat.

She squeezed a stream of tears from her eyes and then placed her hands on his face, choking out his name with the fraction of breath she had left. "It's me, Sayid ... It's Sarah. It's Sarah ..."

The roof of the tent was spinning, and so was he. Just when she thought he was never going to come to his senses, he froze, with a confused expression that flipped into horror. His grip loosened and he flew back as if electrocuted. She sat up coughing and then lay her eyes on him. He was staring at her with his mouth dropped open.

"It's …it's okay." She assured him. "It was a dream, Sayid. Just a dream."

Chest heaving, he continued staring without answering her. And then he turned, moving towards the entrance.

"Where are you going?" She called after him. "Sayid … wait. Wait …please!"

* * *

**A/N -** _Whew! This one was a long time coming too. Sorry about that. It's a combination of the fact that I'm working on three fics at once and the fact that I keep waiting to see more episodes so that I can figure out what angle to use and what's going to lead to what etc. etc. I can certainly say that Lost has certainly upped the anty a bit! _

_The chapter could have very reasonably been named, "Here There Be Dragons" but those who are movie buffs will catch the reference and pretty much guess why I was a little playful in the title. _

_I'm anxious to hear what both Marebear and Insanquinato will think of it. Yes, Mare, it's 4500 words long ...smile. Thanks also to Jess and Katie and also all my other previous reviewers and the peeps who've put me on alert or favorites ... I consider it a huge compliment - thank you! And hope you all enjoy! _


	63. Sun's Garden

_**Chapter 63 - Sun's Garden**_

She'd come to in Sayid's tent before. The night she'd witnessed the murder of Ana and Libby. She remembered the smell of the rain, and curling her knees to her chest, cold and shivering. And then the nightmares.

_Sarah bolted upright, horror pulsing through her veins, and drug herself farther back, screaming until her throat hurt. She screamed a second time at the light touch of a hand._

"_Sarah, it's me. It's just me. " Sayid knelt before her. He caught her head between his hands and held it still. "Shhhh … look at me. It's all right. You're all right. "_

_Trembling, she stared at him with fearful eyes and whispered. "Sayid? "_

" _I'm here. " He answered softly._

She was roused by the sound of his voice in her dreams, and the scent of him in the air. She opened her eyes to find that she'd gathered the blue shirt, _minus one small button_, close to her face and this is how she'd slept through the night. She drew in another whiff of him from the shirt.

_It was hanging on the chair. _She'd noticed it after she'd ran after him a short distance, unable to follow him once he'd faded somewhere into the night. She'd ran a hand through her hair and paced for a while before resigning to check his tent again. She'd sighed, once discovering the shirt draped over the side of the chair like a poignant reminder of another time.

A time that was very real, but in many ways seemed a fairytale.

And so she took it gently, as if handling something delicate and fragile. She'd plopped down on his bed of blankets, and curled up with the shirt cradled in her arms.

But it was not Sayid who discovered her this morning. This time it was the swipe of Vincent's long, red tongue as he bathed her face in slobbery kisses. She groaned and then pushed him away. "Okay, okay … good morning."

Sayid was not there, nor was there any sign that he'd returned at all. A stray hand passed by her throat as she rose …_she felt guilty_. Had he really stayed away the whole night?

Her fingers trailed idly over the pile of clean laundry, neatly folded and lain upon the simple table made of cleverly poised suitcases and then she dropped her head.

_Where was he? _

Vincent raised his nose and then bolted from the tent, Sarah behind him, wondering what he was after. _Hoping it was Sayid. _Who she found was Sun passing by, eying her mischievously.

She flicked a glance between Sarah and Sayid's tent, cocked eyebrow and smiled. "**Oh **… _Good morning_."

Sarah flicked a glance upwards, while pressing her lips together, and asked if she'd seen Sayid. Sun smiled again, with a twinkle in her eye. "No … _isn't he with you_?"

Wrinkle-faced, she fought to hold back the emotion threatening to expose itself, but all she could manage was a weak. "No."

"What's wrong? Did you have a fight?"

Sarah shook her head a little, hoping she could hold back the waterworks threatening to stream down her cheeks. Sun tilted her head in empathy and then insisted Sarah join her on the way to her garden.

Sun's garden began as a very small project early on, but she eventually discovered there were seeds in abundance waiting to be planted and now a variety of fruits and herbs were thriving under careful tending. She went there every day to work in it, tearing out the weeds and sometimes pruning the other plants. There were small fruit trees, and then several that would be used for homeopathic medicines and herbal teas. Sarah only noticed that it was beautiful.

She stood for a moment admiring it, and then knelt beside Sun, running her eyes over the rich green sprouts. "I never knew this was here. You did all this by yourself? It's so beautiful!"

"Yes." Sun answered. "I've been working on it for a while now. It's very relaxing; the feeling of the dirt in your hands and the plants. My mother would never let me do such a thing, but one of my closest friends gardened. She said that it was like helping along a little miracle."

Sarah tilted her head and listened. Hearing her speak, Sarah got the impression that Sun had things to say that no one had ever taken the time to listen to. Things she wouldn't really say unless someone showed the interest in hearing. But, Sarah found that she liked hearing. She'd never thought of a single plant as a miracle.

"It's like bringing something to life after it dies. The flower is dead, but you bury the seed and then it sprouts up alive again. Like it's reborn. And _that _is a miracle."

Sarah nodded, but the observation was stranger than anything she'd ever heard. And yet, it was beautiful at the same time. She didn't know what to make of it. Sun sighed, placed a hand on her waist, and then said thoughtfully. "You don't want to hear all of this silliness."

"No, it's not that." Sarah replied. "I've just never heard anything like that before. But it's …it sounds so beautiful."

Sun smiled contentedly, and then worked at a weed which had unusually long roots. Sarah

had said very little about Sayid until Sun stopped her weeding, and eyed her squarely. "Do you love him?"

_Do you love him? _Sarah heard, but was startled by the bluntness of the question.

But, Sun didn't leave it there. In spite of Sarah's apparent hesitancy, she continued in this matter of fact tone. " If you love him …then you should tell him. It is a risk, but worth it ... _if_ you love him."

It was Sayid who had first spoken those words out loud. There on the sailboat under the stars and the moonlit sky. He'd taken her in his arms and kissed her until she thought she wouldn't be able to stand up any longer. But in everything spoken between them … she had not said those words. Had she been so overwhelmed ? Or perhaps everything had moved too quickly from his declaration, to their argument and then their separation by the fact that it never really happened at all ?

She sighed, dropped her head and then raised it again. "But, how do you know? I mean …"

Sun smiled, and when she did her face glowed. "You'll always know. You'll know when you can't imagine your life without him in it."

Sarah's eyes brightened a little, caught up in the feeling Sun had stirred with her romanticizing. And then Sun raised her palm and laid it on Sarah's cheek, just as a mother would. "Now help me get these weeds out."

They were yanking weeds by the root when they heard it. Their heads popped up, both of them looking in different directions after registering a series of snaps and rustling coming from the woods. Sarah remembered the story Sun had told her of having a bag thrown over her head and dragged some distance from the garden by one of the others.

_Was Sun thinking of this also? _

But then her heart jumped a beat when she'd considered another alternative. That perhaps Sayid had returned and was looking for her. Jack proved neither of these scenarios true when he appeared from the bushes. He smiled at Sun "Hey"

Sun returned the smile. "Good morning Jack."

And then he noticed Sarah. There was a little sparkle in his eye as he gave a slow nod.

"Sarah."

Sarah laughed. "Jack."

"Doin some gardening?"

"Just a little."

Sun witnessed the conversation with a questioning look. Sarah had not mentioned Jack thus far, and their history as honorary siblings. She had a sense that Sun was surprised that Jack would be there at all, and so she rose.

"Actually, I was just about to head to the beach."

She should have just made her exit and left, but she was strangely curious. Perhaps it was because it were as if she were viewing Jack for the first time. She turned back when she heard him ask if Sun needed a hand, and then he squatted down where Sarah had been and started shoveling.

"I came by your tent earlier, is Jin gone?"

Sun responded by telling him Jin had gone off somewhere with Charlie, Hurley and Desmond. "Did you need him?"

"Well actually, I was lookin for you. To see how you're doin … with your ah, pregnancy."

She said the morning sickness was gone and then he asked her if she'd had any bleeding.

Their eyes linked together and Sun appeared to be having reservations about Jack's intention, as was Sarah. "Why are you asking me these questions Jack?"

"I was just checkin" Jack smiled awkwardly. "I mean, now that I'm back I just wanted to … make sure you were okay."

It would have sounded chivalrous had it not been for the strained look covered with a discomfiting smile. He stood rather quickly … quicker than Sarah had anticipated.

She turned and stepped up her pace a little, trying to distance herself from him, but she knew she wouldn't get far enough.

He called her name.

"Oh, hey." She answered, a bit too casually.

"Thought you were headed back to the beach."

"I am … I was …" She rattled off, pacing her steps with his. He nodded, but added no further comment. It was a very simple and understated gesture, but very affective. She glanced at him. "_You know don't you?_"

"What's that?"

It was obvious that she'd overheard the conversation. More than just overheard, for that was a very weak portrayal. She'd deliberately chosen to stay and observe the entire exchange, and that was unquestionable. Thus she just skipped to her assumption.

"When we were at the barracks. Richard had me stay in his house. He told me that he lost his wife and baby because of this island. Because pregnant women die here. And you know about it."

Turning sharply, he grabbed her shoulder. "Don't say anything. Do you hear me?"

"So you do know then."

"Sarah …you don't understand."

"Look Jack. I already know what you think. But, look at you. You're _already_ keeping secrets … because of them. Don't you see it?"

He blinked and then shook his head. "Look …this is supposed to be the best time of Sun's life. Get it? She should be at home, enjoying her pregnancy with her husband at her side. But instead, she's stuck here, in this miserable place and probably thinking she's never gonna get off this island."

"So, if I can give her a little bit of hope by thinking about her baby, instead of telling her if she stays here, neither one of them are gonna make it …then that's what I'm gonna do. Can't _you_ see _that _? "

They crossed the tree line. Sarah scanned the beach from left to right, then sighed.

"Is there …somethin else bothering you?"

"No I …have you seen Sayid?"

"Today? No, but he's usually off working on something. Electronics, or digging holes."

She shot an unamused glance up at him until he smirked. "Sorry … just a joke. Uh … No, I haven't seen him since yesterday. Did something happen between you two?"

"What? No …Why does everybody keep asking me that?"

"Sorry, it just seemed like …Never mind."

Standing there alone, after she and Jack parted … she was unsure of what to do next. Her feet, however, led her straight to Sayid's tent. He didn't seem to be outside digging any holes or working on any electronics. She shook her head …_what on earth was that about anyway? _Why would anyone just arbitrarily dig a hole?

He wasn't inside the tent either, everything looked the same as when he'd left it. Was he truly that upset? Or had something happened to him after he went traipsing off into the jungle? And then Nikki's words came back to her. She could still envision her standing there with hollow eyes. "It's going to be bad."

She jumped back and gave a brief shriek when a blur of yellow darted from the tent. Why hadn't she seen Vincent in there? More importantly, what was hanging out of his mouth?

She recognized the shade of blue and just as quickly ran after him. "Vincent, stop. Wait. Vincent, give me that!"

But the insubordinate dog continued his trek straight into the jungle and Sarah was right behind him. He led her through thick stalks of bamboo and low-lying shrubs, challenging her to her limit. A rational thought would have sent her back to the beach, but all she could see was that shirt in his mouth, luring her deeper into the woods.

She screamed when she slammed into the hard body, and then felt the blood rush from her head when she saw the face.

"I …I …I …I shot you …I SHOT you!"

Mikhail sneered, staring at her with his one eye. "In the side. You have very bad aim."

She was frozen there, gawking at him. Was there anything that could kill him?! Electrocution didn't, a bullet didn't …She doubted if even tying a weight to him and dropping him to the bottom of the ocean would even do the trick.

None of this weighed heavier than the fact that after everything was said and done, here they were in the middle of the jungle … alone. She had one single terrifying thought and then she scowled, forgetting that she was frightened out of her mind. "What did you do?"

" What did you do Mikhail?! "

She lounged forwards, landing squarely against his chest. "What did you do to him?!"

"I do not know what you are talking about." He denied, twisting her arm behind her, and grabbing her by the neck. "But if I were you, I would be afraid of what I am going to do to you."

He was breathing into her ear. A hot, stinky breath that turned her stomach. He wasn't far off the mark. She _was_ terrified, but at the same time … it wasn't any different than what she'd already experienced before. _Minus the fact that she might actually be killed at the hands of someone who'd already been killed twice. _

He was cutting her air thinner each second he tightened his grip, until the jungle started to turn foggy and she felt lightheaded. A bright light shot up into the sky and then exploded with a loud pop.

Mikhail grunted, and then chunked her into the ground. She landed on her stomach, head pounding and then looked up in time to see him sprinting towards the light. She should have stayed there, or tried to find her way back, but instead she instinctively pushed up on her feet, gradually moving forwards until she was speedily in pursuit behind him.

He was much too fast for her, but she was at least close enough to follow him. For a good distance at least, until she came upon a empty clearing. Did he know she was chasing after him? He seemed so distracted by whatever caused the explosion in the air.

The short moment of stillness caused her to wonder why she, herself, had decided the best course of action was to run towards the loud noise and the bright light, behind the dangerous man into the scary jungle.

Just as she was thinking it, the scary man came bounding out of the jungle, running at full speed, holding his side.

Sarah jumped to the left, with a loud shriek when he tumbled forwards, bowled over by another figure leaping on top of him. He slid out from under the man and then started forwards again, only to be knocked down and then the two tumbled on the ground until Mikhail first tried to stab him with a stake and then he slammed him against a tree, trying to strangle him.

Then it was Mikhail who was taken by surprise when he was overpowered and took a series of swift kicks to the head, then caught in a firm headlock. Desmond Hume was not far behind. He lunged forwards, grabbed and hurled him against the same tree.

Sarah shot alarmed glances between Jin, Desmond and Mikhail, only to be startled one more time by Charlie and Hurley who were behind Des.

Desmond had already drawn what looked like a pistol, and was holding the nozzle against Mikhail's chest, demanding to know who he was.

Charlie was the first to pipe up. "He's the guy who shot Sayid. Kate told us he lived down in that station Locke blew up. He's an other."

"I thought Locke killed that guy with the electric fence thingy."

The reminder didn't help to settle Sarah's stomach in the least. The sound of the fence reverberating all around and within her, the look on his face as he foamed at the mouth and the streaks of red pouring down his neck. She closed her eyes a moment trying to rid herself of the image.

Mikhail sneered when Hurley said this, but Desmond wasn't too pleased. "You've got five seconds to talk, or I fire this gun brother."

"That's a flare gun."

"And how do you think it'll feel? Takin a flare to the chest at this range?"

"As your friend pointed out, I already died once this week."

"Twice." Sarah interjected.

The guys turned their heads and stared. She lowered her head, flicking her eyes across the ground and found the confidence to look up again. "Well, I shot him. A…After he … um ... got electrocuted that is."

"I saw … I mean, well, I …" She thought about it. This was the second time Vincent had led her into such a predicament. "Sayid made me stay behind when they went into the Barracks. I saw something in the woods, and so I tried to find out what it was. "

This wasn't going very well at all. She heard something in the woods outside of Otherville and so she was running towards it without even considering that it could be the others looking to ambush from behind or something to that affect.

"Just … just look at his jumper." By that, she was referring to the adorable dirty gray Dharma jumper Mikhail had been sporting since the day he'd been discovered in the Farmhouse.

"There's a hole in the side. That's where I shot him. Apparently I don't have very good aim. Anyway, that's probably why he was grabbing his side when he was running."

Desmond dropped his glance down to the side of the jumper, but turned his head over his shoulder when they all heard a voice muttering in a foreign language. Sarah turned her head and saw the woman lying on the ground. She was very much in distress, and tossed her head side to side, babbling incessantly.

Mikhail told them that she asking for help in Italian. He offered them his services and gave his work as a field medic in the military when he was in the Soviet Army. He may or may not have been telling the truth considering that he had removed the bullet that he himself planted in Sayids arm.

It was satisfactory to Desmond, and so he snatched Mikhail up by the collar and shoved him to the dying woman. Much to the disapproval of Charlie who verbally opposed, while the other two had the same look on their faces. Noone wanted Mikhail there.

The woman had encountered a branch on the way down from parachuting on the island. The branch punctered her lung, which was filling up with blood and would soon drown her in her own body fluid. If allowed, he knew how to remove the branch and drain the blood from her lung.

Mikhail was clever, but not surprisingly so for Sarah who knew all to well just to what degree of manipulation the others were familiar with. In the midst of his medical babble, he asked short and quick questions. How much did they know about the woman? Did she have anything with her. Hurley gave up that she did have a " _phone thingy_."

Charlie gave him an irritated look and then he responded "As if I'd tell you" when asked if the phone worked. Mikhail gave instructions on how he would remove the branch and then demanded to have one of them assist him .. The others would need to clear the way and give him room to work. Desmond was the volunteer.

The procedure seemed cruel, but Sarah felt more discomfort when she'd seen him working on Sayids arm. She was standing next to Hurley and engaged him in conversation, hoping for a successful distraction. She inquired about the woman and how they'd come to find her so far from the camp.

He and the other three left for a camping trip night before last. They'd seen a helicopter in the distance flying inside a large cluster of clouds. Something happened to the helicopter and so it looked as if the woman had parachuted from it in order to save her life. They waited until morning before hiking in the direction she might have likely fallen. They found her hanging from a tree, caught inside the parachute. So, they cut the chute down, and then used it to catch her.

Sarah stared at him."You … went on a camping trip on the beach? You … went on a camping trip by walking a couple of miles down the beach? The same beach you kinda live on? "

"Uh … yea …"

All of this was said in the middle of the gasps and flailing. Sarah thought she'd be alright until she heard a thump and one long chilling gasp. She flipped around and saw a syringe sticking out of the womans chest, red fluid erupting over the top.

Sarah woke up on the ground. She moaned, the voices around her seeming far away. There was a series of shuffling noises, someone yelling "Phone!!" and "Jin!!" and then everything was quiet.

She satup wondering what in hell had just happened. She was talking to Hurley, and then she'd seen blood pouring out of the woman's chest and she felt sick.

She'd woken up to find the area clear of any people, other than the woman passed out on the ground. She scratched her head. Hurley was the first to spot her on the men's return.

"Dude, you totally missed everything."

She stared up at him. "Apparently."

"And I thought I couldn't stand the sight of blood. " He laughed.

"Alright." Desmond interrupted. "Let's all get some sleep. We need to get back to the camp first thing in the morning."

Morning came quickly, considering it was probably early morning before sunrise when they all lay down to sleep. Charlie, Jin and Desmond were working on a way to carry the girl while Hurley and Sarah sat with her. Hurley filled her in on how Desmond let Patchy go and in return, Patchy stole the phone. Jin was the only one who noticed and so he bolted out after him.

"Patchy?" Sarah laughed.

"Yea" Hurley defended. "You know … cause he's got that patch thing over his eye."

"Uhhuh."

"So, you um, still haven't said how come _you_ were out wandering around so far from the beach."

She had actually been enjoying not thinking about everything that'd happened with Sayid, but then it all came rushing back. "Well, really … I was after Vincent."

"Really? Vincent?"

"Yea." She chuckled. "He had a shirt in his mouth. I went runnin after him and then the next thing I know, I'm out in the middle of nowhere. Just followed the dog out into the creepy jungle."

"That's funny." Hurley noted. "That's what Charlie said. Vincent came runnin out of the jungle with a skeleton arm in his mouth and it was holdin a set of car keys. So I went after him. But I didn't find any of the others, I found a van. "

"What? " She laughed again.

"It's true. It was a Dharma van and it was like a ton of beer in it. That's how I got to bribe Sawyer into helpin me get it started. "

He held up the phone and then suddenly changed subjects. "Wonder if this thing could actually work. I mean, maybe if it did we could call home or somethin. "

He brought the phone up to his mouth, Sarah watching with an amused look on her face.

'Mom?"

"Where am I?" The voice startled both of them until they realized the injured woman was awake.

Hurley assured her she was alright, but that he really didn't know where she was. Only that it was an island. He told her that they were all survivors of Oceanic flight eight-fifteen. He went on to ask if that's why she was there, to rescue them.

She tossed her head and then stared at him. "Flight eight-fifteen? The one from Sidney?"

"Yea."

"No … No that's not possible …No … flight eight-fifteen crashed … there were nor survivors."

"They're all dead."

It was early morning, and a full days cycle since they'd left the jungle on the morning before. Neither Sarah, nor Hurley had yet uttered a word about what was spoken between them and Naomi. They'd carried her for a while, and then stopped to rest, drinking some water and letting her have some as well. Then they picked her up again and walked some more, but Sarah and Hurley both said nothing, hoping that Naomi wouldn't either.

They were home by late evening. There was an empty tent, which worked well as a hiding place for her until they could figure out what to do. Desmond was certain that she could be their ticket off the island. The others weren't as convinced, but all agreed in the beginning that they shouldn't tell anyone until they'd figured out who would be the safest to make privy the information.

Hurley walked with Sarah a ways when she decided to return to her own tent. She found that the company eased her mind a little since she was going to be near Sayid's tent again, and she hadn't seen or heard from him in two or three days.

Strolling along the sand, she glanced back towards the tent they'd put Naomi in and then at Hurley. "So, who was in the tent before her?

"You mean the one we just put Naomi in? "He echoed."Oh, that was Nikki and Paulo's house."

"Huh?" She questioned with a puzzled expression.

"Nikki and Paulo." He repeated. "You know, the blonde chick with the Brazilian boyfreind? "

"Yea … I know who they are … but … what do you mean _was_? "

'Was? Well, dude, they're dead …why do they need a tent?"

Sarah froze. "What? What do you mean they're dead?"

"Oh! You didn't know?"

"I …they …I … N…No, I didn't. I … Dead? Are you sure?"

"Dude, you can go check out their graves if you want. They're dead dead."

He told her that Nikki had come running out of the jungle and then dropped dead right before he and Sawyer. Some amateur tracking led to finding Paulo lying on his back, also dead. It was assumed that they poisoned each other after Sawyer discovered a bag of diamonds buried in the sand. So, they were buried together, with the diamonds dropped in the grave with them.

Sarah tried to be very convincing in acting as if her surprise was merely that she had no idea the two were dead, but Hurley seemed taken aback by her interest. "I didn't think you knew them very well, you know, since you're always hangin out with either Sayid, or Sun. Locke even."

"Well, I …it's just shocking, you know? You just wind up wondering who's gonna be next. " She shivered at her own words, realizing she'd just made getting any kind of sleep much more difficult. She bid Hurley goodnight, thanking him for walking her back, and then she turned a head to Sayid's tent, wondering if he was there, fighting with herself as to whether or not she should look.

She eventually retired to her own tent, only to stare at the inside walls, wondering if she were going to hear the whispers again, or see a long thin shadow creeping around outside.

It was wonderful news! Along with having unusually accurate dreams, the ability to tap into some peoples pasts, and having a smoke monster obscessed with her …now she was seeing dead people.

She did find that she must have gotten some insignificant amount of sleep considering that she opened her eyes and the sun was creeping through the cracks in the walls. She stuck her head outside, but saw nothing stirring within or outside the tent next to hers. She sighed. She was making her way to the kitchen when she spied Scott. She called his name.

"Uh." He turned, staring at her. "It's Steve."

Steve? Oh, it was Steve who had lived, Scott was the one who'd died. Somehow she just couldn't keep that straight in her head. "I'm so sorry. Uh, anyway … have you seen Sayid?"

"No, not in a while."

She thanked him and then continued onward, hoping to get a piece of fruit and some water. Jack met her along the way.

"Sarah! Are you alright?! Where have you been?!"

"I'm fine. I went after Vincent and wound up in the jungle. I ran into Desmond, Charlie, Hurley and Jin and so I just came back with them. We got back last night, or this morning whichever way you look at it."

"Sayid and I were worried! We were about to get together a search party."

'Sayid? You saw him?" She said, eyes brightening.

"Well, yeah. He hunted me down after you'd been gone for a while. Noone else had seen ya."

"_Hey Sarah!" _… It was uncanny how Hurley seemed to always be the one to break up a conversation. Sarah turned around. "You got a minute?"

Jack nodded her off, but not before telling her to make sure she let Sayid know she was alright. Hurley waited for her, but when she moved closer, she noticed he seemed more nervous than usual. "You didn't say anything to Jack did ya?"

"What? No … I don't know if that's a good idea or not. I just really don't know."

"Good."

"Okay … so I guess we just sit here without a clue then."

"No, No." Hurley corrected. 'No, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. We couldn't agree about Jack, or anyone else … except for one person. And, well, I got elected to go talk to him, since you weren't there. But I …I think you should be there."

"What are you talking about Hurley?"

"We all decided that the only person we know we can trust right now …is Sayid."

While she wasn't certain about the idea of approaching him without first testing the waters, she knew Hurley was right. Jack wouldn't be the best person to go to with Juliet so permanently stuck to him. So, she reluctantly agreed to accompany him.

He hadn't said anything, but his back and forth glances told her that he knew getting closer to Sayid was making her all the more anxious. _And then they were there. _Hurley called his name, but there was no answer. He got a twinkle in his eye and then smiled.

"I think I know where he is."

He led her through a little grove of bamboo stalks, and then she heard it. The sound of a shovel in the dirt. Hurley moved forwards, but Sarah fell behind just a little. Her mouth dropped when she observed Sayid busy digging the shovel into the ground and then bringing up mounds of earth and tossing it to the side. Hurley stood for a moment and then spoke.

"Hey Dude."

"Hello Hurley." Sayid responded pleasantly, and then dug up another pile of dirt. He pushed the shovel in again, then stopped in mid push, raising his head a bit.

Sarah blinked. He stood upright and turned, settling his eyes into hers."Sarah."

Before either of them could say anything else, Hurley spoke up. 'Can you keep a secret?"

He told Sayid about the English woman they'd found and how she came to be there. Then he told him about her injury and how Mikhail saved her.

"Mikhail? That's not possible … he was killed when John threw him in the perimeter around the Barracks."

"Uh … yeah, and Sarah shot him … but he's still alive … go figure."

Sayid's eyes narrowed, while his mouth dropped, but Hurley didn't slow down. "We have her in Nikki and Paulo's tent, and Dude …"

Sayid was already beyond the cluster of bamboo far faster than Hurley could finish. He stood there with Sarah staring at the hole in the ground. She stood, hands to her sides, drew her brows together and blinked. "Hurley?"

"Yeah?"

"W …Why do you think he does that?"

"Um … What? … Digs holes in the ground?"

"Uh …yeah, that."

She turned her head and then Hurley turned his until they were looking at each other.

Then Hurley shrugged.

"I dunno."

* * *

**A/N -** _There was so much about this chapter this kinda took a life of it's own. Some of it was planned, and parts of it just happened. It became very clear to me that Sun's Garden should be some kind of parallel to Mikhial being dead on minute and alive the next. But then it got even stranger when I realized that Jack and Sun were talking about her pregnancy ... another part of the life cycle. I was writing the dialog and just heard Jack talking about Sayid and his holes and then realized he was digging a hole when Hurley told him about Naomi. So, this was a fun chapter for me. I hope you guys laugh at the places I did and go Hmmmm at the same places I did too. Most of all, I hope you continue to enjoy it. - Another quite long one!! I think it'smy longest, breaking 5000 words! Yeesh!  
_

_Thanks to my newest reviewer Byrd2192. What a glowing review!  
_


	64. Ana Behibak

**Chapter 64 - Ana Behibak**** …**

"Dude, like wait up …hang on a sec." Hurley was chasing after Sayid while Sarah watched him leave unusually deep prints in the sand. Hurley was the heaviest man she had ever seen. He was so large that he wobbled back and forth instead of merely walking.

But Hurley was a good man, with good intentions … though like Sarah, his intentions sometimes went sideways in a direction he never meant. But, with his easy-going personality and his eagerness to get along with everyone, he'd earned himself nearly the same respect others had for Jack or Sayid. _Although he didn't yet know it_. It wasn't clear if he ever would.

Awkward, yet confident all at once, he barreled his way up to Sayid and continued. "There's somethin else you gotta know, dude"

"And what is that?"

"It's about …well. Naomi … Okay dude, look … when I told her we were survivors of flight 815 she said that was impossible because they already found the remains of 815 in the middle of the ocean … and the people were all dead."

Sayid made a sharp stop and then turned. "Sorry?"

"I dunno." Hurley shrugged. "I'm just tellin you what she said, man. It freaked us out too!"

Sayid tilted his head, studying Hurley for a moment and then gave a short nod. "Yes, well, it's obvious we aren't dead so she's either confused or lying. I will discover which one of the two is correct."

Charlie was making his way around the tent as they approached. "You've already spoken to her?"

"Yes." Charlie replied. "But you're gonna wanna hear it for yourself."

"And you haven't told Jack?"

"No."

"Good" Sayid smiled, patting Charlie on the arm, and then entered the tent.

Sarah stared at the opening and then at Hurley. "They all know then? About what she said about the plane? "

"Yea," Hurley acknowledged. "That was what we were talkin about when we were tryin to figure out who to trust."

She bobbed her head in acknowledgement, but her thoughts were somewhere else.

Sarah was standing outside, staring at the entrance and thinking of the two apparitions she'd seen just two nights ago. Nikki and Paulo, of who's tent she was standing just outside. Hurley squinted. "Did you two have a fight?"

"What?" She answered, jerking her head around. "Wha .. No … Why does everybody keep asking me that?"

Hurley shrugged and then tilted his head. "I dunno … you just got that me and my boyfriend are fighting and we can't figure out how to make-up kinda vibe."

"What?" She parroted herself, and then she shook her head, stepping into the tent.

Desmond was sitting beside Naomi, who was lying on her back half- covered in blankets.

Her side was stained red from the wound that the tree branch left after Mikhail removed it.

_Mikhail _… It was still hard to digest how this man was alive even after electrocution and being shot. _Even if it was in the side_.

Sayid squatted down, studying the brown skinned stranger with a dissecting stare. Naomi proved herself capable of deception through the way she reflected a fixed watch back at Sayid. He shifted his weight, his voice soft, but his questioning was pointed in a manner of which only Sayid was capable.

She handled each question skillfully. When he asked about the helicopter landing on the island, she made sure to note that it crashed in the water. And when he expressed doubt in her story, she responded : "Remind me not to rescue you, Sayid."

They did extract a fair amount of information from her, nonetheless - that is, if any of it were true. She said that her company was hired by a woman named Penelope Widmore. Penelope sent her coordinates, but those coordinates lead them out into the middle of the ocean.

Sarah took note of the way Desmond swept his head around, eyes dancing and grinning at Sayid. Penny _Widmore must have meant something to him. _

Naomi was flying over water and was headed back to the freighter when she spotted land. She tried to direct the helicopter towards it, but the instruments went haywire. She knew she was going down and so she chuted from the craft.

At Sayid's prodding she said that flight 815 had indeed been found. She quickly corrected him when he suggested that perhaps it was simply a part of the wreckage, by confirming that she did in fact mean that the entire plane and victims were all found off of the cost of Bali in an ocean trench four miles deep.

'Bali.' _Sarah made note of it, determining to search for this place in her Atlas. _

She listened for a while and then grew tired of the conversation, feeling as though she were somewhat out of place and not knowing why. Perhaps because things were so unsettled … or because she felt so unsettled.

She didn't expect Sayid to be the next one out behind her, carrying the phone Naomi brought with her when she parachuted down. He turned and then made eye-contact. He took a step forward, and then Hurley emerged into the bright sunshine.

"So, now what?"

Sarah dropped her head, and Sayid sighed, grasping the phone in his hand. "I figure out how this works."

"Oh, right." Hurley echoed, moving past them a little. Sayid started walking and then Sarah followed, not really knowing why. Distracting herself with the conversation between Sayid and Naomi running around in her head, or maybe out of wanting to fill the air with something other than the uncertainty stifling her, she glanced up thoughtfully.

"I was …wondering. Well, the helicopter crashed at night. Isn't it dark at night?"

"Uh … I think so." Hurley said a little sarcastically.

Sarah shook her head with a smirk, rolling her eyes. " I mean … I've never been in a helicopter before but, can you tell the difference between water and land from a helicopter at night?"

"I guess …" Hurley said. "I dunno. Can you? "

Sayid shook his head. "You would see it. If not by the reflection of the moon, then by the mere absence of artificial light. The more puzzling is why a person would bring a parachute on board a helicopter in the first place."

"Why's that?" Hurley glanced back, seemingly intrigued.

"It would be too close and the drop too short. A person would be safer to take the fall inside the helicopter than to try to parachute from it."

Hurley obviously pondered the thought, as indicated by his expression and turned, pressing forward in his side to side motion over the sand. Sayid said nothing more, watching Hurley slipping a little further ahead, then he turned, and Sarah stopped.

He flicked his eyes over her, eventually settling them into her face. "Are you alright?"

She didn't know what to say, standing there with his eyes on her like that. She found her own gaze flicker up to his and then down into the dirt. He wasn't looking through her, he was looking into her. She pulled in her bottom lip and bobbed her head.

"Yea."

"You were sleeping. I didn't want to wake you. But when I returned, you were gone. Sun said she hadn't seen you since the morning, Jack as well. "

Her gaze slid upwards and then she was staring into his, feeling exposed. _"You should tell him … If you love him." _Sun's words beat into her with a fierceness so quietly that it drowned out everything else around her. _If she loved him she should tell him. _

He was a step closer, and she could feel her knees shaking. Just what would she tell him? She wanted to tell him everything, but she could think of nothing. Nothing but the sound of the thundering pulse in her ears.

He'd seen her sleeping in his tent? Had he seen her clenching his shirt as if she were hanging off the edge of a cliff clinging to a single thread left from a frayed rope? She couldn't wrap her head around it. The same head that was spinning ever so slowly under his steady gaze. And then Hurley flipped around once more. "You guys comin?"

They settled near a cluster of bamboo, in the shade. Sayid, Sarah and Hurley. Sayid then put his attention to the rectangular shaped black box in his hands. Some sort of gadget with a glowing window and lots of buttons. "Is that like a radio?"

Sayid glanced up at Hurley before fiddling with the inside of the open back of the phone.

"It's like a radio, yes. I've never seen equipment this sophisticated."

That seemed an anomaly. Electric equipment that Sayid had never seen before? But the moment brought back another to her mind, while Sarah watched him slide the back cover in. A moment she hadn't thought of in a while.

_She recognized the figure when she saw it. He was wearing a powder blue shirt. It was unbuttoned revealing a beige tank underneath. He was perched atop a piece of metal fiddling with some sort of electronic device._

_"What's that thing?" She asked peering curiously at the thing in his hands._

_He looked up, smirking. "It's a radio transceiver."_

_She sat next to him watching him the way a child watches a big brother doing something exciting and amazing. He fiddled with the transceiver and then glanced up. "How are you this morning?"_

_"Oh, never better." She laughed. "What does it do? The transceiver thing? "_

_" It picks up radio signals. I was trying to get it working for Hurley. Let me see if I can find something for you. "_

_As he fiddled with wires and turned dials, various sounds came from it. A buzzing, then a short whine and a sound that was much like the ocean waves._

_" Well, that's quite interesting. " She commented._

_He smiled amusedly and shook his head. "I haven't found anything yet."_

_"Well, what was that …" Sarah's sentence was cut short when they detected short bits of music. Her mouth dropped open as she stared at the transceiver. She heard soft guitar strumming and a man's voice crooning. Her eyes glistened and then everything around her dissolved into music._

_"Now I think I know, what you tried to say to me, and how you suffered for your sanity, and how you tried to set them free. They did not listen, they're not listening still, perhaps they never will. "_

_The short blurb abruptly flicked back to the senseless whining. Sayid ignored it, resting an elbow on the radio and propped his chin on his hand. His eyes held her in an interested gaze. She snapped out of the moment and noticed him. She blushed realizing she had been dreamily singing along._

_"Perhaps you are recovering your memory quicker than you realize." He noted after a few moments of silence. _

_She darted an embarrassed glance at her feet. "It's just a song. It's been in my head since I woke up out there... in the jungle. "_

_"Yes." He answered. "But clearly it means something to you."_

It was the piercing, high frequenced whine that jolted her back to the matter at hand. Sayid noted that wherever the interference was coming from, it was blocking every channel on the phone.

He was interrupted when Kate came strolling along, and upon catching an eyeful of the satellite phone demanded to know what it was and where it came from. Sayid insisted she not say anything to Jack before he explained, but Sarah knew better.

She waited until Kate left the group and then she trailed behind her, calling her name.

"Kate, look. Wait. I know what you're gonna do."

Kate flipped around, her eyes resembling something similar to daggers readying to shoot out of her face.

"Yeah? And what's that?"

It wasn't clear from where the sudden anger was coming, Sarah hadn't said or done anything, so far as she knew, to justify it. And so for a moment, she set her initial offense aside and ignored it, calmly answering.

"You …I know how you feel about my brother."

"He's _not_ your brother."

Now, this was not the thing to say. Yes, Kate had been at Jack's side many times throughout the duration of their stay on hell island. But that didn't give her the right to say anything she wanted, especially when it came to Jack and Sarah. Not realizing until now just how this triangle between Kate, Jack and Sawyer affected her, Sarah's face twisted into a fierce scowl. Kate had nothing to do with her relationship with Jack - _it was none of her business! _

"It doesn't matter if it's blood or on paper or neither one." She blurted out angrily. "He's my brother … and I won't let anybody hurt him!"

"Not Juliet …_ Not anybody_."

"What the hell's that supposed to mean?"

"You …I …" Sarah stammered. She stopped, shifted her jaw, leaned in and then growled.

"Look, _this_ information isn't for _you_ to use to score points with Jack. _You_ lost _your_ rights to him when _you_ shacked up with Sawyer! _That's _what I mean_." _

She should have seen it coming, but a burst of rage was in full force, burning her up on the inside. The swooping hand didn't register until she'd heard the smack and felt the sting on her cheek. _Kate was gone_.

Sarah stood there, fists balled up sucking in air and face stinging from the open palm slap delivered by Kate Austin.

"Whoa … a cat fight. Haven't seen one of those since …well, I don't think I've seen one of those on the island yet … until now."

Sarah flipped around and Hurley stepped back. He and Sayid both stood opposite of her, gawking. She flicked her eyes between the two of them and then at Sayid. "You shouldn't've told her. You know she's gonna go running to Jack. You know she's gonna go tell him because she knows he…because he … "

Neither of them knew what was going to come from her mouth, but she stared at Sayid as if some switch had flipped in her head and then the words tumbled out as freely as the waves rolling their way across the ocean.

"Well … he loves her. I mean … everybody knows it. He loves her, even if he doesn't really know it yet. Because … maybe he doesn't really know how to say it, or, maybe he doesn't really know how to be sure … but she loves him and she … she just doesn't know how to tell him."

"Uh … don't you mean … _he_ doesn't know how to tell _her_?"

She stopped rambling, in mid breath, and jaw dropped, blankly staring at Hurley.

"Wh … What?"

"You said she loves him and she just doesn't know how to tell him. Don't you mean he and her? "

She felt as though some huge wind had come and knocked her over, but she was still standing. "I … what? Well, I .. was talking about Jack and Kate … I … You think I was talking about somebody else? I … I was just talking about Jack and Kate and … Well, that's all. If you thought I meant something else …I. "

_She didn't know how to tell him? _She unconsciously inched backward, confused and running the dialog through her mind. What exactly _was_ she saying? Sayid told Kate about Naomi and when Kate started to walk away, Sarah knew exactly where she was going. She was going to tell Jack. She only wanted to convince Kate that it was a bad idea and instead she wound up in a whirlwind of insults and then getting slapped.

In going over the previous scenario, she hadn't realized she was mumbling to herself out loud. She made a few back and forth glances, and then she turned from them, murmuring something about needing to leave. She'd never been so confused. Exactly who was she talking about? Jack and Kate? Or … something else?

Hurley looked at Sayid …"Uh … "

Sayid stared at Sarah with her back turned, making a quick exit from the other two. He put a hand on his hip and nodded.

"Yes."

Jack was right, in a small way. She could face her first time climbing a tree when it was leaning over an electrical fence and her life depended on it, but when it came to conflict or a moment that was too intense or revealing, she fled more often than she faced it. She wasn't sure why she'd rambled on the way she did, but then maybe somewhere inside, she did know and that's why she kicked heels in retreat before anything else could be said or derived.

She walked until she ran across a long green table separated by a short net stretched across the middle. She tilted her head.

"You play then?" Desmond said, watching her examine the odd piece of outdoor furniture.

"Play what?" She said, tilting her chin a little.

"Ping Pong, love. Do you play?"

She flipped her head up, and scrunched her eyes together. "I'm not sure what you mean."

"I reckon that'd be a no then. Well, pick up the paddle and I'll teach ya then, right? "

There was a flat paddle with a handle sitting on each end of the table. Sarah took one in her hand, holding it up and staring. Desmond smiled. "You're supposed to hit the ball with it not stare it down, love."

He went on to show her how ping pong was a game that included two or more players, no more than four total, two on each end of the table, who used the paddle to bat the ball back and forth until one missed and then a score was made.

He'd scored ten points on her before she ever hit the ball once, but she did manage a little better after that. They went on for a little while and then decided to stop for a drink and a little rest. He grabbed them some water from the kitchen and then they sat down on a small mound of dirt overlooking the shore.

"Good job … yeah? Not too shabby for your first run. "

"Yes …" She chuckled. "I was aweful."

"Well, you don't get to be McEnroe on your first day, love."

She was certain that meant something, but she didn't know what and she was also certain that no one likes to get asked too many questions. So she didn't say anything and let him think she knew exactly what he was talking about.

He laughed. "You haven't the slightest as to what I'm goin on about do ya?"

She couldn't help but laugh herself. Was she that obvious? " No."

"Right. Well, no worries, never really cared for the man anyway."

She took a sip of water, then turned her head. " He plays ping pong then?"

"Tennis."

She smiled and nodded. "Uh-huh … So, I hope you don't mind me asking, but … Do you know this woman? Penelope? "

"Do you remember, "He said, "When you came on me sittin on the ground with a picture in my hand?"

"Yea."

"That's Penny." He smiled, with a far away look. "That's my girl. We were gonna be married, but I mucked that up all on my own. I was gonna prove myself by winnin a boat race 'round the world, but I got stuck here instead. In the hatch pushin a damned button. I'm glad the bloody son of a bitch is gone. "

"See, the boat race was all put on by her daddy. He and I didn't get on well. Sometimes I think he had his way to get me here himself. Anyway, to answer your question, right, I know her. She's the only woman I'll ever love and the only reason why I'm not dead yet."

The regret in his voice was unbearable to sit through, but the hope made it worthwhile. For, even though his story was sad and discouraging, you could hear the forward thinking in his voice. He believed he would be together with her again. He believed he would have the chance to reunite with the woman he loved.

"It was the biggest mistake of my life, Sarah. Lettin her go without tellin her how I feel. A fools mistake. But I'm set on correctin it …And that boat out there … It's gonna make sure it gets done."

Desmond got up, leaving Sarah alone and staring out over the ocean. Somewhere out there, some eighty miles, was a freighter. One that was hired by Penny Widmore to look for Desmond. He'd been on the island for four years and Penny had been without him for four years. She could have forgotten about him, or written him off, but instead, she sent out a search party to find him. Four years after he pushed her away, and then having been lost at sea, she still loved him. She was still looking for him and she hadn't given up hope that they would be together again.

The sun had disappeared over the horizon, and Claire caught a glimpse of Sarah sitting there alone. She moved towards her and then called her name. "Are you coming? Sayid and Sawyer wants everyone to meet up for some kind of discussion. Some new information."

Sarah rose and followed her to a covered area near the center of camp. It was well lit by torches, and there was a crowd of people already in place there. Sayid and Sawyer were both explaining the purpose for the gathering. The first thing that concerned Sarah was the absence of both Jack and Juliet.

Sayid introduced Naomi and then explained how she came to parachute on the island from a helicopter that went down over the ocean two nights ago. He disclosed all the information he'd gathered from Naomi and then waited for it to sink in. There was no sound but crickets and frogs for several minutes while the many different faces changed expressions and then Claire spoke up.

"So what, you mean the whole world thinks we're dead?"

"That's not important right now."

"Not important?" Sun interjected with Claire behind her. "What do you mean it's not important, Sayid ? "

"Excuse me." All eyes fell on Naomi. "I'm sorry, don't you people want to be rescued?"

Sarah took a deep breath. She hadn't known Naomi an entire day and she already knew she didn't like the woman very much. Not very much at all.

There was banter between the group that reminded Sarah of the previous ping pong match, but Sawyer got the final score when he produced a voice recorder.

"Jack would never do anything to hurt us." Sun noted. "And I believe Juliet is a good person."

"And you're basing that off what? The fact that she took ya to one of their medical stations, Mrs. Kwan?" Sawyer snapped, pressing the play button. Juliet's voice came tumbling out of it. _A message for Ben._

She'd determined that Sun had conceived her baby on island, but noted that Jin was sterile before they got there. She hadn't had time to get a sample from Kate or to determine if any other women were pregnant.

Every face turned grim and shadowed with a look of uncertainty. _All but Jin._ He stared at his wife as if to say …

"What was that all about? "

His eyes revealed that he'd registered the mention of her name, and everyone was staring at her. The only gratification for Sarah was that at last there was solid proof that Juliet was not altruistic as she would have liked for them to believe. No, she was in fact sent there by Ben to spy and then to collaborate in the abduction of more people from the camp, probably with the plan to kill everyone else. The only question left was … Did Jack know?

The answer came quickly and without warning. "Where'd you get that?"

Jack's voice startled every person standing around and blindsided Sawyer. All eyes settled on he and Juliet.

Sarah was actually wondering the same thing. Sawyer was strangely elusive. Strangely, because Sawyer didn't mind and pretty much enjoyed fingering someone else as long as he wasn't implicating himself in the process. So, why would he care if someone knew where he'd gotten the tape. One would expect him to blatantly gloat, not craft his words ambiguously. Was there some piece of information that would put him in a negative light if he revealed how he came to have the recorder?

Juliet, on the other hand showed no interest in where it came from.. She was intent on proving herself innocent.

"You want to put me on a stake, here I am. But turn the tape over first. "

Sayid nodded and Sawyer obliged her, turning the tape over and pressing play. Ben's voice was on the other side. He instructed Juliet to mark the tents of any woman who was pregnant. They would raid the camp in two nights, taking the women from the marked tents.

Sayid was calmly livid. Quietly demanding to know why Jack hadn't told them himself since he was apparently privy to the information before anyone else. The same question was reflected in every eye watching.

Jack insisted it was because he hadn't decided on what to do about it. An odd statement that was tainted with a bit of arrogance. He hadn't consulted with the people he had come to trust over the past three months. Instead, he collaborated with Juliet, deciding on what their next move would be. It was a piece of information that Sarah didn't enjoy hearing and by the looks of it, no one else was warming up to either.

Nonetheless, Sayid accepted it, with reservation and remained when everyone else dwindled off to their tents for the night. Sarah watched them for a while, with a familiar knot in her gut. One she hadn't felt since they left the barracks.

_Ben was coming for them. _

She knew it all along … in her heart, but she'd tried not to think about it … not to admit it to herself. Yet, the tape had proved Sarah correct in her initial assessment. Juliet wasn't merely left behind, abandoned by Ben … she was left behind to do a job for him.

"Sarah?" Sun called her. "Are you alright?"

She blinked and then bobbed her head. "I'm sorry Sun. I'm really, really sorry."

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong."

"I'm sorry because of everything they've done. To you, to everyone else. "

"Honey. " Rose interrupted. "You're taking too much on your shoulders. Who made you the moral conscience of the others? Who said you had to take that job? You have enough to worry about. So, you can just dump that load of crap in the toilet and walk away. Are we clear on that?"

The words stung, and it took a minute for her to understand that Sun and Rose were saying the same thing, but in different ways. Though she had the urge to feel somehow responsible, she was not … and no one was blaming her for what was happening to them.

On the contrary, they considered her one of their own. She was one of them now. _Maybe she always had been. _

Sun and Rose both put their arms around her before parting. She hadn't realized the joy of the friendship between women until now. It was not something she'd known to even think about before. And now, she was eternally grateful for it. For, almost just as much as Jack was her brother, they were becoming like sisters. _How could she watch Ben do this to them?_

She watched Jack and Sayid and sighed. Everything she knew and cared about was here, on the verge of being destroyed. Could they really escape ? Could they really successfully defend themselves against such a direct and head on threat?

She swiped her face with her palm and then turned away, plodding slowly taking in the tents dotting the beach and the firelight. Sun had watched her while walking back to her own tent with Jin. She left him and joined Sarah for a little way.

"Have you thought about what I said? When we were in the garden?"

Yes, she'd thought about it. Enough that she'd made a blubbering fool out of herself just a few hours before. She just sighed again.

"I don't mean to embarrass you, " She said. "But if you were ever thinking about it Sarah …Then you should think about it now. A man can get through anything if he knows there's at least one person who truly loves him."

Sun left her standing outside of her tent. Conflicted and frightened, she stood there, staring out into the night. The figure approaching was one she knew better than any other, even more than Ben's. He spotted her by the tent.

"You're worried." He observed plainly.

"Yea."

"Don't be. It's two days. We have time to make a plan."

She tipped her head up. "Yea, but you don't know Ben. He told Juliet two days … or maybe we heard what they wanted us to hear. "

His features softened as he stepped forwards, but she moved back. She really didn't know why. She saw the hint of rejection in his face and regretted it.

"Sayid …I …" She stammered. "I just need to …"

He smiled. "You should get some rest. If you should need anything …"

She nodded, and then he left her. She entered the tent alone, thinking about what was said in the meeting. Remembering the feeling she'd gotten when she heard Ben's voice again. She felt as though she was being smothered, and couldn't get any air. Her palms were sweating. She'd gotten so used to not hearing him, not recognizing his footsteps at the door.

She plopped down, with her legs under her, tears dropping onto the dirt. How could they think they could actually escape this time? Ben always got what he wanted … she knew that. How could she have thought any different.

Then she heard the music. It was soft and floating on the cool breeze through the opening in the tent. She knew the tune. The heaviness was replaced momentarily by curiosity.

She rose, sticking her head out and determined the direction the music was coming from. She followed it to an unassuming figure, bent over a bit, and gently strumming the guitar.

Charlie popped a glance up when she neared him. "I'm sorry. I heard you from inside."

She sat next to him and sang so softly that it was a whisper. "Now I think I know … "

"Not bad. Not bad at all." Charlie said. "Do you do any harmony as well?"

She jerked her head back a tad. She was idly singing again and hadn't realized not only was she singing, but Charlie was listening. "I …no. I don't think. I just know that song. "

He nodded. " It's a bit of a weird one, not like anything else I know. Kinda sad. He goes through life alone, and then kills himself."

"Oh."

He chuckled. "Yea, I suppose it'd be a bit morbid all things considered."

It was, but it rang in her head. The man lived and died alone. She rose.

"Thanks Charlie. Maybe one day you can show me how to play one of those."

"Sure thing." He agreed with a satisfied grin.

She sat down in the tent once more and took up a notebook, with a felt pen in her hand, stared at the blank page … and started writing.

_You asked me about the man I loved, but I didn't tell you. You were right … there was a man, and there is a man. And I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. He thinks he has to make up for everything wrong he's done, but that's because he doesn't realize that's not who he is. It was what he did, but never who he was. _

_He told me he loved me, but I never said it back … and then he was gone. I woke up and it wasn't even real. But I knew I had to get back to him, even if he never said those words again. _

_You wanted to know what I was looking for out there, the morning I disappeared. _

_He told me he loved me, and then he kissed me. And it might sound silly, but, one of the buttons fell from his shirt and I picked it up from the floor. I put it in my pocket. It was a button, but it was his. And if I had it, then he would be with me, even when he wasn't. I don't know how, but I had that button in my pocket when I woke up. _

_I had it with me when Ben tasered me and when I snuck on board the submarine. I had it when I fell in the ocean and almost died and when you caught me in the jungle. _

_I lost it when I fell. I went back for it. I went back because it was the only proof I had that what I said was true. Imagine falling in love with someone, and then finding out it was just a dream, and then you meet the person you love for real. But she doesn't know you, remember you. She doesn't know that you'd ever cared for her. And the only thing you have to make it real was a simple button from her shirt. _

_I disappeared yesterday because Vincent ran out into the jungle with the shirt in his mouth. The button was gone, I couldn't let the shirt get lost too. You know the shirt and you know the button. You lost it on the sailboat when you were trying to help Jack get Walt from Ben. I know, because I was there … in another life. _

_Yes Sayid, you are the man I love. You are the man I can't imagine living without. _

_You are the man I think of when I'm afraid or I think I'm going to be stuck here in this place forever. _

_And every time I think I'm alone, I look up. Because I know that I'm going to see the stars, the same ones that you see when you look up, and I know that we are still together in the same place because we're under the same stars. _

_I know I can do anything as long as I know you're out there somewhere. _

_I don't care about the things from before. How long do you think you should pay? _

_How long should you keep punishing yourself for things that are gone and are unchangeable? It's over … it's been over. Let it go. _

_Someone told me if I love him, I should tell him. And so I am. _

_I love you Sayid Jarrah. _

_Sarah_


	65. Ana Behibek

_**Chapter 65 - ****Ana Behibek**_

_Jude was standing over her in the pouring rain. The mud caving in under her knees, and water trickling down underneath her shirt. She was staring up through the barrel of a rifle. _

_He took a few steps toward her, grinning wickedly … "Well … while we're at it … I might as well give you a secret you'll take to your grave. Think of it as a …" (Snicker) "… a little parting gift. "_

_He bent down, whispering in her ear, "Wanna know who your daddy really is? "_

_click _

"_**Help Me**."_

Sarah sat straight up. Was it morning? There wasn't any sound from outside, at least nothing indicating that anyone was up and around.

She pushed herself on her feet. It'd been a while since she'd had that dream. So much had happened since then.

"_**Help Me." **_

She heard it again. The voice that woke her up. Was someone hurt? She stepped out.

The voice was a whisper, but it obviously belonged to a male. She scanned the camp.

Everything was quiet and eerily calm. The sun was merely a faint glow as it made it's first appearance through the lingering twilight sky. The fires were long burnt out and were nothing but thin puffs of smoke hovering over charred wood and ash. Even so, it smelled like morning.

She ran a slow gaze across the camp, reflecting on the first moment her feet touched it, until now. The next several hours would confirm what she somehow already knew she would do. The thing that stirred her to pick up the pen and paper. She'd had a feeling … something unspecified, deep in her gut.

"_**Help Me." **_

There it was again, and now something moving in the bushes. She wrenched her head around. "John?"

"Sarah, glad you're up. I need you to go over by the kitchen. I'll be over there as soon as I get Sayid and some other folks."

Jack had a determined look on his face. Had she somehow swallowed a rock in the night? Because it felt like one was wedged pretty well in the bottom of her stomach … she nodded. The worry must have shown on her face, for he wrapped his hands around her shoulders, stared into her face and then without a word, he'd folded himself around her.

"Don't worry." He assured.

_Don't worry. _It was like asking a bird not to fly, or a fish not to swim. They were coming, and they had all the resources in the world available to them, where the camp had very little to fight back with. Was it a fools errand to think they could escape this time? That they could somehow live through this?

But she somehow managed to weakly turn up the corners of her mouth, through blurry eyes, wishing there was an off switch for the fear. She dropped her head, sighed and then stared into his eyes. "I love you Jack. "

"Hey." He responded, taking her face in his hands. "Don't you do that. We've got time …we'll figure this all out. We've made it this far. It's not over. You understand me?"

She wanted to believe him, but she'd found the old Sarah popping up again. The one that trembled at the mention of Ben's name. The one she thought she'd left behind when she stepped out of the barracks. She bobbed her head, and did her best to hold it in while they parted.

A few people had already gathered, Jin and Sun, Charlie and Claire. Sawyer and Kate came next and then Desmond. Hurley met Jack and Sayid as they were plodding through the sand, uncharacteristically quiet.

Jack glanced around at everyone. When Juliet showed up, he suggested they follow the two of them. There were murmurs and suspicious looks, but everyone followed in spite of their reservations.

He lead them for about twenty minutes or so, through the trees and thick bamboo, until they reached a large grassy meadow. Jack and Juliet stood before the group.

Juliet spoke first. She'd been upfront with Jack about the reason the others left her behind. She'd told him the night she took Sun to the medical station and about the tape recorder that she would use to communicate with Ben. Jack knew about the raid long before anyone else. He and Juliet had discussed it in detail.

Juliet apologized to Sun for not disclosing the whole truth, but Sun hardly acknowledged the apology, standing with the in the group, arms folded and staring.

Jack offered that his first thought upon hearing that the others were coming to take the pregnant, or suspected pregnant women, lingered on where to hide this time?

They'd always been hiding from the others, and hiding hadn't seemed to help them any. He realized that it was time to stop hiding and to start fighting back. He called for Danielle and she sashayed from the bushes, with a smug look on her face. She drew out two pieces of wire, touching them together, and drawing everyone's curiosity to a peak.

The crowd reacted before Sarah realized anything had happened. A massive boom, and a ball of fire tumbling up above the trees. _Dynamite. _Danielle had been retrieving it from the black rock at Jack's request. His plan was to lay it strategically throughout the camp. When the others came, they would blow them all to hell.

Through ringing ears, Sarah listened to the discussion unfold. The consensus was one of skepticism, but everyone concluded that there seemed to be no better plan on the table, and if this one worked it would be the best one produced to date. They were all agreed. Tomorrow night, the others would invade their camp and find themselves all blown to hell.

It should have eased her mind in some fraction, but the knot tightened all the more firmer. If it went wrong, they might blow themselves up or suffer even more than they would have initially, should Ben get his hands on them anyway.

_**Help Me **_

She wrenched her head up, startled by the voice. Then she saw him. Near the tree line, dirty and still wearing that green shirt, soaked in sweat at the neckline. But, something was different this time. A disturbing look on his face and a red circle near his side. A dark red stain.

She blinked. "John?"

"Ain't no John here." Sawyer spat. "He's on his own now."

She stared at him, and saw something different. Something changed in his face and his posture. This Sawyer wasn't the same as the one she'd playfully bartered with under the roof of the kitchen just a few days ago. This one had hardened eyes and a rougher voice.

They all scattered, once hitting the camp. There were things to do and preparations to be made if this was going to happen. Someone would have to strategically setup the explosives, while others would be twisting and tying the wires that would activate them.

The camp was buzzing with activity. Sarah walked among it until she was near Sun and Jin. Sun was busy tying knots in the wire. She glanced up with a smile. "Sarah. Are you doing anything? Come help me tie this wire, if you will. "

She stood there, watching Sun. Then she smiled back with a marked sadness. "I have to go to my tent for a minute, but I'll come back. Okay?"

"Sure."

She watched her for another moment, started to turn, but then froze. "Sun. Thank you for everything. I've never had a friend before, and you've been such a good one to me."

" Well. " Sun tried to respond, both visibly dumfounded and touched. When it was clear that she wasn't going to be able to speak, she just leaned forwards and embraced her.

"We're going to be okay." She eventually choked out. "You've been a good friend too."

They parted tearfully, Sarah moreso than Sun because she didn't know if she would see her again … _Or not. _So, she turned, taking a backwards glance at the two of them, noting Rose and Bernard busy with their own mass of wires.

She'd spent the largest part of her life behind a closed door and between empty walls, with Ben being the bulk of human contact available. She had no idea how to function in a community where people lived and worked together like a giant net, connected but separate all at once. No idea until she found them, until they'd accepted her. She'd learned so much in such a short time.

She reached the tent. The tent Sayid helped her raise. The tent next to his. She stopped, staring at the two of them side by side, remembering the first night she and Sayid sat outside, Vincent with them. She'd let him see the frightened side of her until she could no longer bear not being able to share her whole self with him.

"_Do people ever feel safe Sayid? The people out there … beyond this place? Out there in the real world? Do they feel safe? "_

_She met his eyes only enough to see that he was sitting quietly listening to her words and watching her face. She continued pensively._

"_Or is it normal to spend your whole life being afraid? "_

_His eyes never moved while listening. It was odd how he did that, but this was one of his idiosyncrasies. Most people look at you and they look away and then look back at you again, but he would sit still and straight, staring directly at you while you poured your heart out._

_He didn't respond as if sensing that her question was not necessarily one she wanted answered, but more of a pondering thought. The question of someone trying to work things out in her own mind. The words came painfully._

"_There was a time; before I ever came here … It was just this very small moment that I thought I was safe. I had a home, and then it was gone … "_

_She shrugged. "Then I was here. It was so long ago, I nearly forgot it. "_

_She gave a nervous laugh. "And then for another brief second, after all these years, I found it again. And I felt safe and I thought I'd found home again. And there was someone. Someone who made me start to believe … "_

_Her eyes strayed to his … "Someone who I … "_

_She dropped her head. "... But then I woke up and saw it was just one long dream."_

" _Just a stupid dream. "_

_Vincent rolled his eyes up to her as if he understood her words, and tossed his big yellow head into her lap. She rubbed his ear between her fingers, and then glanced over to Sayid._

"_But it's the only thing that's kept me alive. It's a dream I can't forget. "_

He'd discovered her standing there, watching him fiddling with Naomi's phone. For a moment, they stood facing each other. She near her tent and he near his. Then he moved forwards, towards her. She couldn't move, as if temporarily paralyzed.

"Sarah." His voice gentle and warm.

Fighting back her staggered breath, she drew in one large one, and flicked a glance to the beach. "I, uh … Sun's expecting me. They need help tying the wires for the dynamite."

He took a few seconds longer responding than he should have before he finally nodded and let her disappear into the tent. He lingered near the opening momentarily, then left.

She watched him through the flap of tarp. She watched him make his way up the beach, meeting Jack. It was obvious that their conversation was more than slightly intense.

She'd written the letter through tears like large drops of rain falling down on the paper, evidenced by the small dark circles staining the fiber. She couldn't do anything about that now. One night and a full day stood between them and the war between them and the others. Then fate would decide who would live or die. The future was uncertain, and though she hoped to return, she didn't know if any of them would be there .. Neither them or her.

She stepped out, taking a last long gaze at the beach, and then slipped into his tent. She glanced around until her eyes rested on the stack of clean shirts folded neatly in the chair.

They were soft in her hands. She brought one to her face and breathed deeply.

She folded the letter in clean, neat lines. Then she gently lay it on the suitcase table, with his name face-up. Stooping down, she ran a hand across the bed of blankets, then stood. Blinking back the sting in her eyes.

It seemed as though the jungle itself awaited the looming battle between the others and the camp on the beach. She moved through it for a good ten to fifteen minutes before she halted. "Okay … I'm here now. What do you want from me? I know you're there."

She waited until there was a rustle in the trees. There he stood with his white sneakers.

The thin man with the white hair. He'd called himself Tom, but his name was Christian.

His presence hadn't affected her personally until she'd discovered his identity, and until she'd had memories of him. Now seeing him was upsetting in a way more than just the knowing that she had a creepy apparition stalker. This man was almost her father.

"John needs help, Sarah. And you must help him."

"John? What do you know about John?"

"I know the answer to the question." He responded.

She knew the question, but she didn't know the answer. Not for certain. Was he … _it _… teasing her? Playing a game with her?

"What do you want from me?" She scowled.

"You know the way." He answered, slipping back behind the trees.

All she could think about was seeing John out in the meadow. The paleness of his skin and the dark red stain that drenched his shirt. What did Sawyer mean that he was on his own?

She pushed forwards, though she'd like to disregard it …she did have a strange feeling when it came to where she should go. She did have an inclination for west or east, left, right or forwards. Better judgment would have said to not oblige what others would call suicide, but this wasn't the cautious side speaking. This was the other side. The side that that took steps where no sound reason would have ever endeavored. This was faith. In so much as she understood it.

The same faith that said she should get to the Pala Ferry landing, even if she didn't know what would happen. Even though Ben might be telling her the truth and if the Sayid she was running to might kill instead of embrace her. She knew what she had to do then, and she knew what she had to do now.

But it wasn't John she found out in the wilderness. It was a man, dark and thinly muscular. His brows drew in. "Sarah? Sarah what are you doing here?"

She stepped back, no one was there but the two of them, not even Ben. She knew the man. She knew his face, and his voice stirred a new surge of uncertainty.

"Sarah, come on. It should be obvious by now that I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm trying to help you."

"Where's John? "

As if dancing, he stepped in and she stepped out, eyeing him warily. "Where's John? He was with you when you gassed the barracks. Did you leave him for dead out there? "

Richard tilted his head, brows drawn low. "Johns not with us anymore. And we don't have time to talk about this. There's a group headed to the beach. You need to come with me, it's the only way you'll be safe."

"Thanks for the warning." She spat, " … But we already know. What do you mean Johns not with you anymore? Was it Ben? Did he try to kill him? Is that why he's got blood all over his shirt? Tell me Richard! "

"You saw John? "

"I've seen a lot of things. What do you care?"

"I'll tell you." He answered, eyes shining with something she didn't quite recognize. "But you've got to come with me. We've only got a few hours, till sundown."

"Sundown? Their coming after the pregnant women tomorrow night. But don't worry, the surprise will be on them, because we already know"

"No, Ben changed his mind. You should know he would do that. He's taking all the women tonight, and killing everyone else who gets in his way. So, you have to leave with me right now. "

"You're lying."

"No."

She grabbed her head. Sundown wasn't far from coming. Jack and the others would never be ready. They wouldn't stand a fighting chance now. "No. _Oh no _…. No, I have to tell them. They _have_ to know."

"I can't let you go back." He insisted.

"She's not going anywhere with you." There was a loud click and rattle as Sayid filled the rifle chamber. "Sarah, get behind me."

"But …" She obeyed without another verbal warning, placing herself behind Sayid and watching Richard from over his shoulder. They were eyeing each other like two male bulls.

"Listen." Richard pleaded. "Sayid, if you love her … Then you'll let me take her. You'll let me keep her safe. "

"I'm not going with you." She piped.

"You heard her. Now place your hands on your head and walk where I tell you … or I'll kill you here and now. _Whichever you prefer_."

Though it angered him, Sarah flew out from her position behind him. "You can't kill him either. He saved our lives … Remember? Back in the barracks when Tom wanted to kill both of us? You _owe_ him."

Richard stood firmly, arms straight down to his sides, eyeing them without any sign of reservation or fear. Sayid was ready to drop him with one pop of the rifle. Sarah put herself between them. _If anything she was headstrong_.

His chest expanded and then he gave a nod. Sarah turned to Richard. "I want to know, and I want you to tell me. What Jude told me about my father …Is it true?"

Wide eyed, his mouth opened, but nothing came out of it. When he did respond, it was with uncertainty, and an unconvincing tone. He nodded the confession, swiping his tongue over his lips.

"Yes. Yes Sarah, it's true."

Sarah breathed … in and out … in and out. There was a moment of dizziness, and then she straightened herself, giving a small bob of the head. She knew the image in her mind.

"There's bones there. They're everywhere. And there's a hole …like a pit."

She could feel Sayid getting anxious behind her, but she kept her feet planted where they were, with a forward stare into Richards face. "And I think you know where it is. _I think you know what it is_."

His open mouth revealed his surprise, but he failed to acknowledge if he did in fact know the place. Instead, he flicked a warning glance to Sayid.

"You guard her with your life …Or I will find you, _and I will kill you."_

Sayid nudged Sarah to the side with a firm hand. "No …If I see you again. _I will kill you._"

He raised the rifle, bringing it down across the side if Richards head. Richard dropped instantly, landing on his side. "Why'd you do that?"

She bent over him, making sure he still breathed. " Because if I hadn't, he would have went straight to Ben and given away our best weapon. _The element of surprise." _

"That's not where he was going. Don't you understand? "

He grabbed her hand. "We've no time to waste."

Though her deepest desire was to be with him, to go wherever he went, there was something else. Someone else in her mind. Someone who would die if help didn't come soon. She resisted the tug of his hand. "Sayid, I can't. Not yet. "

He refused to slow down, taking her elbow this time "Jack is leading most of the people to the radio tower, and you are going with them."

"Jack?" She froze, and he stopped, turning back to her. "Where will you be?"

He was facing her, hands down. The words not coming any easier than hers. With a sigh, he confessed earnestly. "No, Sarah … Most people do not spend their entire lives in fear. Most people do not live how you have lived."

Where was her breath? Either she could no longer perform the act, or there was no air left to breathe. That night was a memory, among all the others. And he hadn't referenced it since then, not ever brought it up again. Now it was obvious that he'd thought of it more often than she'd realized. Her gaze was glued to his while listening to his words. "If you do not come with me now. If you don't go with Jack, and if you do not get off this island … then what I do here will have no meaning."

" What do you mean?" She whispered. "What do you mean Jack is leading them? Where will you be? What are you doing?"

The thought frightened her more than anything ever had. Was he going to attempt some fleeting act of bravery or sacrifice? This is what she read in his face, the face she was suddenly afraid to look into, but couldn't turn from. She struggled to beat back the newest surge of emotion swelling behind her eyes.

He dodged her questioning skillfully, although he didn't leave it there. Instead, he threw her into shock by redirection. "I went into the clearing, and when I looked down saw something peculiar. I couldn't understand how it had gotten there, or what it could mean to you. I knew for certain when I found you sleeping with my shirt."

_John nudged Sarah forwards, and then he followed her. Kate turned, while Sarah fell behind her, but glanced behind when she heard John call out to Sayid. "Sayid, you comin?_

_Sayid had stepped into the clearing where she and John were, and raised himself as if standing straight after bending over. He flicked his eyes over Sarah curiously and then gave a quick nod._

"_Of course, John. "_

Yes, when John and Sarah left the place she'd lost the button, Sayid had stood over it and then bent down for a moment before raising up, taking Kate's suggestion that they continue on their search for Jack. But what peculiar thing had he found? She knew now, in the center of her heart, but was afraid to believe it. Heart leaping into her throat, she hadn't noticed the strand of brown twine dangling from his fingers … _until this moment. _

"I inquired of the man you loved, because I already knew, Sarah. And now, it is time for you to know …The man you loved …The man you still love, does love you. "

Through a stream of tears, she'd noticed the twine weaved through a small object and then tied at the ends. The small object was a button. _A tiny black button. _

He moved closer, until he'd wrapped his hands gently around her face and tipped it upwards, whispering. "Yes, Sarah, I love you. "

The kiss was feather light, until he wrapped his arms around her, drawing her closer to him. Then he parted her lips with his, kissing her deeper. She tasted her own salty tears mingled with it and trembled. They were finally there, under the same sky, together … _and they were together._ She couldn't hide her emotion any longer. She held him as tightly as he held her, and cried, relieved that, once again, she'd felt his arms around her just as she once had. She knew again the warmth of his kiss.

He held her by the shoulders, wiping the tears from her face and then brushed the top of her head with his mouth. "It was a beautiful letter."

Then he took the twine necklace, bearing the button from his shirt, and placed it around his neck, where it belonged.

For those moments, that felt like time frozen in eternity, it didn't matter who or what threatened them. They had found each other once more. The two broken pieces had finally come together, and that was all that mattered.

For those moments, they were two people who'd just passionately professed their love, and were glowing in the revelation. He took her hand, an they began their journey together, back to the beach. Every once in a while, she would turn to him.

"Say it again."

"I love you."

Then she would smile.

It would be the last fulfilling moment they would experience for a time to come. For sundown would bring an uncertainty that could not be ignored. And the rising of the moon meant war on this night.

She tried, more than once, to turn back, but she couldn't do it. Her hope was that someway, somehow Richard would take what she said to heart and go where she'd told him. The place in the jungle where lie an open grave. There in the open grave were remains, upon remains of a people long gone. There he could be found, wearing a green shirt drenched with a dark red stain. She knew he was there, and she couldn't help him now … even though she desperately wanted to. Richard had told her what she wanted to hear, now she hoped that Richard would do what he said he would. Deep in her mind, regardless of how wonderful she felt knowing that she was back in the arms of her one love, she heard his voice still. "Help Me."

_Jude was standing over her in the pouring rain. The mud caving in under her knees, and water trickling down underneath her shirt. She was staring up through the barrel of a rifle. _

_He took a few steps toward her, grinning wickedly … "Well … while we're at it … I might as well give you a secret you'll take to your grave. Think of it as a …" (Snicker) "… a little parting gift. "_

_He bent down, whispering in her ear, "Wanna know who your daddy really is? "_

"_John Locke." _


	66. Chapter 66

_**Chapter 66 **_

_Sayid was telling her everything to do. He was firing off instruction after instruction, while they stood between their tents - but she hardly heard him. _

_Jude was the first to say it. Joh__n Locke was her father. _And now Richard had admitted it. _Hadn't he? _She'd asked him if Jude was telling the truth and he stared at her, wide-eyed, lips pursed open. There was hesitation and then his forehead wrinkled.

"Yes."

But, why was there a queasy feeling gnawing at her stomach?

"Sarah, are you listening to me?" Sayid narrowed his eyes intently.

She flicked a gaze over him. "Yes. Water, food …"

He stared at her for a moment longer before flipping his head towards her tent. "I'm getting your pack."

He started, but she grabbed him. "I got it. I got it."

This was all enough on it's own, Sayid and Richard, and Ben with his thirst for ultimate supremacy. Enough to send her over the edge for real. But there was this other thing. The thing that sent chills through her. The thing that sent her running into the jungle in the first place.

It was the vision of John lying in an open grave among piles of bones and skeletons. Stretched out on his back, over the chalky bones, with blood pouring out of his side. People who'd been dead for years. John dying with them.

"_Sarah, come on now, its time to go. " _

_She'd heard her mothers voice, but she was too curious. Curious about the painting of the man. Mounted on two boards that crossed each other, his hands were stretched out with his legs straight and feet pointed downwards. Blood was pouring from his side._

_Below him were graves, with white figures floating from them._

_Her mother stooped down beside her and raised her head, eying the painting on the wall. _

"_It's alright sweetheart, it's just the crucifixion."_

"_Is he gonna die?" Sarah murmured, with a worried look. _

"_Well, baby." She answered. "He did, just for a little while. But he came back, because people needed him. But he couldn't help them until he died first."_

_She smiled and then wrapped her arms around the small little girl, kissed her on the side of her head and then rose. "It's time to go now. Don't worry sweetheart, everything happens for a reason." _

Sarah knew enough about herself now, and whatever it was that felt the need to enlighten her ever so often, to know that what she'd seen was real. She also knew that the one person on the island who was most likely to stoop to such evil was Benjamin Linus. Since the moment she'd looked into his face, he'd called her angel. But she'd come to see him as the devil. Smooth talking, but ruthless and absent of a conscious.

Yes, the devil shot John and left him to die in a mass grave. A grave already overflowing with ghosts from the past. And in carefully choosing the place where he'd finally get rid of John, Ben was truly a dog returning to it's own vomit.

"Sarah, let's go.." Sayid popped his head in the tent, with a tenseness in his voice she'd never heard before.

_Sayid, I can't leave John behind. Not until I know he's safe. Not until I tell him the truth. _

She said them in her head, but the words were stuck far back in her throat. She blinked, and he stared at her as if knowing there was something she wasn't saying. Something on the edge of her tongue that, for whatever reason, she just could not spit out.

He'd been rushing until now, unaware of what was going on in her head. But when he turned and caught a direct view of her face, he stopped sharply, as if slammed against a glass wall.

A thousand needles seemed to prickle all over her skin. All the time she'd spent trying to convince him that she wasn't the enemy, she hadn't noticed what had happened. He'd come to know her nearly as well as she knew him. With narrowed brow, he took a step towards her. "What is it?"

This tone of voice was one she could never resist or deny. If she were a lying sort, it would work on her like truth serum. She'd open her mouth and wouldn't be able to control what fell out of it. So, she answered. "I remember my mother."

He stood there for a moment, his dark eyes catching hers in a long gaze. And then she spoke again. " I remember her voice."

He smiled, taking her hands in his. "I'm glad for you."

She nodded, glassy-eyed as he moved forward and kissed her forehead. " It's getting late."

"The others are waiting."

Sarah nodded, letting him lead her from their tents and towards the middle of camp. She'd seen the expression on Richards face when she spoke about the grave. It reflected understanding. Comprehension. Knowing this was both relieving and frightening all at once. For, while she was hoping that she was so very wrong, his reaction to her words only echoed the truth of her grisly vision.

She could do nothing to help him now. She had to believe that Richard would do what he said he would, and that John was safe.

Sayid walked with her for a while but then stopped halfway to the rest of the people waiting on the opposite end of camp. He brushed the hair from her face, and then leaned in, kissing her. When she turned a worried brow downwards, he whispered, his breath warming her face. "Don't worry."

"But I am worried." She whispered back.

A hand stretched across her cheek, he smiled. "Don't."

She watched him walk away, and then spotted something from the corner of her eye. Jin and Sun were together near their tent. Sun was gazing up at him, and he was resting his hands around her shoulders. She rattled off soft words and then he brushed his fingers across her cheek. He took the slick, black pistol in his hand, locking in a cartridge.

Another glance caught Bernard and Rose in a similar conversation. Though she couldn't hear their words, their expressions, and the rifle hanging over his back, signaled the same message. The men comforted their wives before they parted from each other. Parting because the men were marching off to war. A war from which they might not return.

But the plan Sarah heard didn't call for leaving anyone behind. The plan she'd heard

called for marking the tents of the suspected pregnant women, just as Ben instructed Juliet. But the tents would also be rigged with dynamite, so that when the others entered them they would be greeted with a huge explosion.

Naomi's freighter sat somewhere offshore, waiting for contact. But the SOS radio message Danielle started transmitting sixteen years ago was blocking their own transmission. No other signal could come in or go out.

While the others were being blown to hell by the hidden dynamite, the group from the camp were all safely moving to the radio tower. They would switch the radio signal off and then contact Naomi's boat. Then they would be rescued.

Sarah fixed her gaze on Bernard and Rose. So, why were Bernard and Jin acting as if they might not ever see their wives again?

She hadn't thought anything of it at first. Sayid never seemed complete unless he donned a rifle. It had become an appendage it seemed. But she stared at Jin walking away, the gun in his hand after kissing his wife goodbye. Sayid's expression was the same as the other two men when he kissed her and told her not to worry. Then he'd turned and walked away, his rifle dangling from his shoulder.

Thinking hard on this, she went after the man she loved.

She hadn't gone far when she found what she was looking for in a clearing behind a small cluster of shrubs. She stood for a moment, taking in a bit of information that made her feel more than just uneasy.

There were the two of them, Jack and Sayid, squatting down, side by side, eyes linked together. "Jack, no matter what happens here, I want you to keep moving. Keep moving for that radio tower, don't turn back for any reason. "

He drew a breath, raising his head a little. "I'm willing to give my life, if it means securing rescue. I'm not giving it up for nothing. …You understand."

One painful moment passed quietly between them, and then Jack nodded. "I understand."

They rose, both slow and ominously. Sayid reached a hand to Jack. "Good luck."

"You too."

They shook hands and then Jack turned, finding Sarah staring at the two of them.

"Sarah …I …"

But Sarah wasn't looking at Jack, her eyes were fixed on Sayid. The blood rushed to her face when he stepped forwards, her voice softly on-edge "Whatever happens here? "

The breath caught in her throat before she could say anything more.

His chest rose with a long draw of breath, but his eyes were steady, holding her in an affecting gaze. He answered softly, but with resolve. "Someone has to shoot the dynamite in the marked tents. There wasn't enough time to rig them. Jin, Bernard and I will stay behind to make certain this works. "

"And, of course it had to be you." She murmured with a trace of saddened sarcasm.

"Sarah, who else?"

She stared at him blankly. Who else? Desmond was a soldier once. Somewhere out there beyond the ocean was the woman he loved. The one he'd tried so desperately to get back to. Could she suggest they sacrifice him? Sawyer knew his way around a gun, could she suggest he sacrifice himself ? Sayid had spoken the truth. She wouldn't feel good about any of them taking on such a task. These people, regardless of who they were before they arrived on the island, had become connected to each other. She was connected to them. It wasn't everyman for himself anymore. They had to live together or they would all die alone.

" Bernard, Jin and I will shoot the explosives when the others enter the marked tent. Then we will join the group on their way to the tower."

"You mean you're gonna try."

His hand slipped over her cheek. "No …we will."

She had no control over her own face as it twitched and flexed under the emotion shooting through her. "No … No, you're just telling me that so I'll go with Jack. It might not even work and then you'll …They'll…"

He pulled her firmly against him. "Stop …Just stop now."

"I … I can't do this. "

"Yes, you can." He'd pulled her away from him and with both hands grasping her head, tilted her face upwards. "Yes, you can. _And you will_."

She lost herself deeply in his pensive stare. If he only knew. If there was a way to walk him through everything she'd already endured. If only she could make him understand. The first war tore them apart. But in spite of everything, they'd somehow found their way back.

"How? Tell me how I turn and walk away. How I leave you behind …With them? "

"It's the only way, Sarah. I need to know that you're with Jack, moving toward that radio tower. I need to know that you're getting off this island. I cannot do this otherwise."

She understood him. While she'd hoped all along that she could find her way back to his heart, that indefinable moment she thought would never come had just swept her up in his arms, but she couldn't stop long enough to fully appreciate it. Not now, when

this moment could be on the brink of being lost just as swiftly again.

She sighed when he stroked her cheek. "But, if you're not there, it won't matter if I get off the island or not. "

He took the button hanging from her neck between two fingers and stated thoughtfully. "You found your way back once. "

Then his chest rose from a quick draw of breath, as he spoke more resolutely. "They're waiting for you. We will join the group after we're done here - it won't be long. Stay close to Jack, and don't look behind. "

She numbly submitted, turning from him and staring into the group assembled at the farthest end of camp. Jack was already taking up the head, but not before glancing back and scanning the stretch of sand behind them. He caught sight of her.

Eyes dropping like two chunks of lead, she trudged a few steps, and then her feet grew heavy. Now it was as if she'd swallowed a cement block. She came to a slow halt, and then turned.

He was standing there, Jin and Bernard coming up beside him. The ambush at the Pala Ferry landing was pounding in her memory. Only, then, she'd driven them apart through a senseless streak of stubbornness. This time, they separated as one. Individual pieces of the whole.

Would she wake up and find this all a dream too? She couldn't stand doing this all over again. If she were lead, he was a magnet. She sprinted full speed and collided into his arms.

He took her by the shoulders, and drew back, staring helplessly into her eyes. He splattered kisses over her face and then drew her into one deep kiss. Her head secure between his hands, he steadied his gaze firmly into hers. "Now go."

She let Jack walk her to the rest of the people, neither of them spoke. Sun was quickly by her side, and then Rose. Together, they stood and cast another stare out towards their men. Then Rose spoke.

"The Lord is my shepherd,

I shall not want;

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters;

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness for His name's sake …"

The last words spoken by Echo before the island took his life. How did Rose know them?

"_Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, _

_I fear no evil; for You are with me;_

_ Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me." _

_Listening to her mother's voice, Sarah stared at the picture. It caught her eye because it was the same man she'd seen hanging over the graves. The bruised, beaten and dying one. Now he was wearing a robe and clenching a big stick in his hand. He was surrounded by fluffy white sheep. Her mother had called the stick a staff. _

_Sarah listened as she read the words to her and this made her feel safe. It'd happened as her mother said. The man was alive, and safe. Now, he would lead the sheep, and protect them with his staff. _

"Surely goodness and mercy

shall follow me all the days of my life;

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever. "

Staring out across the empty camp, Sayid, Jin and Bernard on the other side watching them leave, Sarah listened to Rose finish and thought of John once again. She wondered if he was safe.

"You're Sarah, aren't you?" The question was posed timidly, but it startled her all the same. She turned to get a look at the thin, russet-haired boy, who'd approached her from the side. Thick lipped and soulful eyed, he was just an awkward boy, but a man in the making

"I'm Karl."

She stared at him dazedly. "Karl."

And then she blinked back to awareness. "Karl … Alex's Karl?"

He smiled shyly and nodded. "That's me." And then added. " You look just like Alex said."

She bobbed her head absentmindedly and then quickly probed with a start.

"Is Alex okay? Did Ben punish her for helping me?"

"No … No she's fine. He doesn't hurt her when he wants to get back at her anyway."

Sarah sighed. She knew what he meant. " So he did something to you then."

"I've been hiding. Alex was bringing me food. But when she found out Ben was coming sooner than you all expected, she sent me to warn you. That's why I'm here."

"Alex never mentioned you."

"Yeah. She was afraid because of all the cameras. It's pretty impossible to keep anything from Ben, but she was trying to anyway. Look, I love Alex. I would do anything she asked me to. I know you don't know me, but you know her. Everything I do is for her, and that's the truth."

Sarah stared at him. There'd been a lot of _truth_ going around this day. More than she was willing to pallet. But she managed a smile. " I know Alex feels the same way."

Jack called for a head count. It was determined that everyone was there. Everyone who was going with them. But Sarah noticed one missing. She'd spotted Claire with Aaron. Hurley was by her side. Where was Charlie? She jerked her arm in the air and bolted towards Jack. "Jack, wait. Wait!"

After nearly colliding with him, she came to a quick halt, Jack staring thunderstrucken. "Where's Charlie?"

Claire turned her back, and Hurley lowered his eyes. "He's helping us out with somethin. He and Desmond will meet up with us. With Jack, she knew this was all she was going to get. She was lucky to get that much. He was driven. Driven to lead the people and there was no time for explanations. He turned back to the head and signaled everyone to start moving.

Sarah couldn't move at first. Her feet were planted in the sand while people passed her by. The camp looked so desolate and empty without it's people to keep it warm and bright.

"There's another station." Karl said, standing beside her. "It's called the Looking Glass."

"It's under water just off shore. Ben has the signals jammed so that nothing can get in or out. So, even if we get to the radio tower and turn off the message Danielle has goin, we still won't be able to send anything out."

She listened, thinking how strange it was that he so easily he included himself into the rag-tail bunch of 815 survivors. She may have been raised by Ben, but she was at least on the plane when it crashed.

"So, then what's the point?"

"Well, that's where Charlie and Desmond are going. Charlie's gonna swim down to the Looking Glass and turn the block off. Then we'll be able to make contact with the freighter."

The information dissolved in her brain slowly. Charlie was not the sacrificing kind. Unless the sacrifice was for one person. Claire. When it hit her fully, she flipped her head around, casting a worried look over to Claire and Aaron.

"Yea." Karl agreed, bringing her no comfort at all. "I heard them talking about it. Juliet said it was full of water. Nobody's said anything because they want to think Charlie can just swim in and swim back out. But that station is really deep. "

"Okay look, " She blurted. "Just, don't say that again, okay? Just don't. And especially if Claire's nearby."

She said the last part in a whisper, leaning close to him, but with the same strength behind her words. He knew not to say anything more. The two of them turned and followed the others forwards towards the setting sun.

This group of airplane survivors turned neighbors and friends, comrades even, took to their journey, leaving a trail of clustered footprints behind them. They were walking away from the beach. Away from the place they'd all made home.

* * *

**A/N **- _I am so sorry for the delayed update. I sure hope you all enjoy it and I'll try to be more prompt. Thanks so much for sticking with this story. I truly appreciate it! On another note, I hope this didn't come across as super religious or something. The point was really an observation about John Locke and not about religion in general.  
_


	67. Back to the Beach

_**Chapter 67 - Back to the Beach**_

_It was dark. Yet, the darkness wasn't brought on by the absence of light, but of a sound. A sound that should have occurred, but didn't. A sound that would have settled the fear stirring in all of them._

_They stood on the hill, after plowing miles into the sunset and now under the spread of black velvet above them, Sarah looked up. She saw the little she-camel stars and scanned the darkness for the seventh star._

"_One night, when the moon was not shining, the seventh star fell from the sky. It broke into two parts in the air and each one fell thousands of miles apart from the other. Neither one knowing how it had come to be, they spent many years roaming the earth as two separate people, unable to find any peace. Each one desperately searching for a purpose, a reason for merely existing. "_

"_Then as if by fate, they met. Each one saw the other and then knew that they had found their purpose. Reunited, they found their way to the skies once more, but this time as not one but two stars melded together as one. A double star. "_

The star was there, quietly glowing high above the camp on the beach. As if it were a soft, calm voice in the heart of the storm. And she kept the sound of his voice close to her, as she fought back the fear gripping her spirit.

They stood on the hill, staring towards the camp, wide-eyed and filled with uncertainty. They'd heard three shots, but two explosions. The sound of one last explosion was missing. And it's absence sent chills through all of them. Then as if it weren't enough to know that the plan didn't work, they heard a barrage of shots rattle off and echo through the valley.

Sarah cut her eyes to Sun, and then Rose. Their expressions conveyed what she wasn't saying or asking.

A buzz of chatter was sputtering all around her, did the plan fail? Why hadn't they heard the last explosion? What were the subsequent shots? And worse, were their men all dead?

But she stood still and frozen. Numbly staring over the hill to the dark valley. A fragment of amber firelight still glowed in the middle of the camp. Yet, the one star set itself over it, dancing above as if all were well. The little she camels were not far away either.

She'd promised him. Through blurry eyes, and a breaking heart, she'd given her word to him. Her hand rested idly over the necklace around her neck. He was counting on her to keep that word. But in doing so, she was abandoning him to the people who'd destroyed half of her life. Could she really move forward when it meant moving farther and farther away from him?

"One, two, three …"

Her whispers didn't go unobserved. Jack had cut through the group to get to her, while most of them were already starting back on the path to the radio tower. He stood beside her and asked with a quiet curiosity. "What are you doin?"

She blinked and then feigned a weak smile. "Counting."

He let out a soft chuckle while brushing two fingers across the bridge of his nose. "You still remember that?"

"Yeah." She nodded. If he only knew how much it had gotten her through already. Just let the fear have its way for five seconds. And then get rid of it. Maybe it wasn't really gone, but for a moment she was able to gain some ground again. Even if it were just a fragment, it was better than doing nothing.

"Sarah." She gave a start when he touched her shoulder. "Don't worry, they'll catch up to us. We need to keep moving. I'm not leaving without you. Please."

She turned, staring up into his eyes. They were the same as they'd always been. The same deep, but saddened amber pools deep set under a strong, but worried brow. She settled her own into his with a disquieting calmness in her tone. "Why are you lying to me Jack?"

It was rhetorical, of course. She knew why he was telling her what she wanted to hear. Telling her that she didn't need to worry about what was happening on the beach because the job was done, even though nothing sounded the way it should have.

Sayid would be fine and he would keep Bernard and Jin safe as well. That's what he'd told the group. As if Sayid were a superhero who was impervious to injury or defeat.

_Indestructible. _

Yes, it was obvious why anyone would lie, she was nearly willing to do so herself. But she kept staring upwards. It would never matter where either of them were, the same sky was spread out over them and regardless of the distance between them, together, they could look up and view the same stars.

A quick rush of emotion flooded her, sending a stressful swipe of her palm across her face. Then she nodded and whispered.

"Okay."

Jack blinked as he turned his head. Then, letting his hands drop from his hips to his sides, he drew a breath and turned, nodding back. They all somberly fell in line behind him like sad little ducks.

"You love him. That guy … the Iraqi ?"

Trudging along, she took a sideways glance at Karl. "His name is Sayid, and yes. I love him."

"He told Alex that her mother is alive."

"She is. She's with us."

Sarah hadn't really given much thought to Danielle, although the French woman had been with them since the day Jack introduced the dynamite. But there she was, plodding along among them, keeping her distance in general. An older version of Alex, no one could argue their relation.

"The French woman?"

"Yea. Her name is Danielle. I guess Ben's really good for stealing other peoples kids."

Karl fell silent and she realized why. He confirmed her suspicions. "Yea. I guess since nobody can have kids here, they gotta get them from somewhere. "

"I wonder where … I." And then he dropped his head, and then raised it again, staring off into the distance "I guess we should be thinking about getting to that radio tower."

Maybe it was too much to think about. Whatever the reason, he'd changed subjects as abruptly as she probably would have. Ben would have much to answer for, it would seem. But would fate ever come to call his name? Or was he immune to karma?

Daylight came swiftly, but the darkness was there all the same. The three men had not joined them, and now people were fearing the worst. Were they captured? Or dead?

No one wanted to say it, but everyone knew they were all thinking it …even Jack.

They'd stopped for some rest and to refill their water supply. Now they were moving again. Journeying to the radio tower still, even though Naomi's phone was not getting a connection. It appeared as though Charlie and Desmond might not make it either.

But no one suspected this particular lone voice to suddenly cut through the painfully thick void of air around them. There was something different about Sawyer and Sarah wasn't the only one who'd noticed. It started the day he and Sayid confronted Juliet in the woods. Perhaps Juliet had touched some buried nerve the same as she had Sayid's. Whatever the reason, it was startling when Sawyer planted his feet in the ground as he blew out a breath. "I'm goin back."

Sarah halted as well. She was rejoining them from the stream, and stopped right between the trees, profoundly struck by what she'd heard.

Jack refused.

Sawyer insisted. "I ain't askin permission."

"He won't be alone. " Kate chided, "I'm goin with him."

The hurt on her face was obvious when Sawyer rejected her, while tagging on that he didn't want to go back with her and welcomed Juliet instead. The reformed other offered that she knew where there was a hidden stash of guns and could take Sawyer there. The matter was settled in the midst of the baffled looks between Jack and Kate.

Sarah's mind went wild. Juliet and Sawyer were turning back and Jack was moving forwards. He hadn't noticed Sarah standing behind him in under the cover of a grove of trees. No one noticed her. No one but Karl.

"What are you doin? "

She stared at the boy. He was still a boy, seventeen maybe. "You go on ahead. I… you know, I gotta …you know."

"Oh!" He blurted, and then she'd successfully convinced him she needed bathroom privacy.

Once he was clear of her, she sprinted. How could Juliet go and she remain? Besides, if there were other guns then why didn't Juliet say so before anyone ever left the beach?

She'd smacked into him before she knew he was there. A large solid body mass with bushy ringlets of dark hair toppling down from his head. "What the … Dude! You almost knocked me down!"

She shook the stars out of her head and then stared at him. A whisper of some memory flickering back to her mind. "Weebles wabble but they don't fall down."

Hurley was standing with feet spread out a little and a scowl over his face. "That's like, totally … not cool … you know."

"Sorry." She stifled a chuckle. It was something she remembered from childhood. _Weebles. _Those brightly colored chubby figures that rolled back and forth but would never bowl over. Yes, she remembered them.

"Whatever dude. It doesn't matter anyway. Maybe you're right. Maybe I _am_ just in the way. "

Shoulders hunched over, he was clearly on the down side. With a little prodding, he spilled what was eating him. "I wanted to go with Sawyer and Juliet, but they said I'd get in the way. I'd get them both killed."

"What?" She straightened herself in rigid affront. "They said that? They really said that?"

Then she rolled her eyes. "Just a few months ago they didn't even know this place was here. They really said that?"

"Well … Sawyer said it … Juliet just looked at me."

She stared at him again, her voice sharply turning from angered to touched. "You were going back? To help Bernard, Jin … _and Sayid_."

Hurley bent his head and nodded. "Charlie wouldn't let me go with him. Everybody thinks I'm just in the way."

"Yea." She nodded quietly and then more defiantly. "I'm getting kinda tired of people telling me what I can and can't do, how about you?"

His eyes were on his feet, his back hunched over sadly. But then she saw him slowly straighten, and a light flicker across is face. "Yeah."

"Yeah." She echoed, clenching her jaw a little.

"Yeah." And then he sprinted forwards.

"Hurley, where're you goin?"

"You wanna help Sayid, right? Then come on, we're goin back to the beach!"

She wouldn't have thought Hurley could run, but there he was, barreling through the sand and into the jungle so fast Sarah nearly had a hard time keeping up with him. She slammed into him again when he set his feet hard in the ground.

"Dude, you should think about NASCAR, you don't need brakes for that."

She looked up at him and blinked. Was he serious? Or joking? He stared back at her and then laughed. "You don't know what that is do you?"

She blinked again and then tossed her head around. "Well, this is the wrong direction for the beach Hurley, what are we doin here?"

They were in the center of a massive grove of trees, and in the center of the center was a large white van. Old and decayed looking, Hurley stood by it and grinned. He slammed his hand on the hood. "See this? V.W. … the Dharma Van."

After a minute or two of puzzled glances, he spurted. "It's a car."

"Yeah?"

"It's a car."

"Right, it's a car. Okay."

He shook his head again and waved his hand. "Forget it, look just open the door there and hop in. They got guns … but we got wheels."

It was a large, pale blue monstrosity covered with a dirty white top. It looked as though the rust had piled on for many years. It smelled of something, but she couldn't figure out what as she opened the door and peered inside. Crumpled up pieces of paper were everywhere.

"Dude, we don't have a bunch of time here."

She was sliding into the passenger side when she saw him. A man, slim with a narrow face and hollow eyes. He was pale and sad, and he looked straight at her and spoke. "Tell him I'm sorry. Tell him it's not his fault."

She heard herself blurt out a squeal, and then she was in the air, flying backwards. She hit the ground with a hard thump. She was on her back staring up into the sky. What was that smell?

Hurley's head popped out from the passenger side. "If you're afraid of bugs, maybe you shouldn't come after all."

She pulled herself up and swiped a hand across her butt. "Yea, that's it. Bugs."

Then she grabbed the side of then door and hopped in, giving it a good tug until it slammed shut. It was a horrible smell … And the space. The space was really small. Was it hotter than normal? Her palms were sweaty. Her heart was beating, oh how she could feel it .. Thump … Thump. She remembered what Jack called it. _Claustrophobia._

Whatever it was, she didn't have the time to deal, she needed to be on the beach, and she would do whatever it took to get there.

"Hang on. This baby's got more kick than it looks."

"Wha …?"

Hurley hunched forwards with a serious brow-scowling look and floored the pedal under his foot. Sarah was thrown backwards by the forward motion, and then they were flying through the mass of trees and into the valley.

For a moment, she forgot where she was. The ride was the only thing that existed. The hum of the engine underneath her and the wind in her face. The wind caught her hair and flipped it around wildly. Everything was a blur. It wasn't going fast enough it seemed.

The beach came to view. Hurley scowled deeper as they rumbled over a small hill and then soared over it tearing down one of the bamboo tents and hitting sand. Sarah could see nothing but two figures standing in their path. One darted to the left and the other stubbornly remained. A blur of a figure that looked much like Ryan. But it couldn't be .. Could it? She'd emptied a gun in him. Did anybody ever die on this island?

_Any of the others at least. _

He was pointing something at them and then there was a bright orange light followed by a series of pops. The front window shattered, sending Sarah down to the floorboard. Then there was a hard thump as the van made impact. Another thump turned her stomach as they mowed Ryan down under their wheels.

Hurley slammed his foot down on the brake and she was pummeled into the dashboard with the sudden stop. She lay there a moment, stunned and breathless. Had they really just cut down Ryan where he stood? There while he emptied what was left of his ammo into the front window?

Hurley sat there for a moment, and then he popped the handle. Sawyer slid up to the drivers side and slapped his hand across the door. "Stay in the bus hero."

Sarah caught her breath. She waited for the rush of lightheadedness to go away, and then she left her head rise cautiously. Peering from her window, her heart caught in her throat.

One man with a gun was pacing in front of the three men. Jin and Bernard with Sayid between them. They were kneeling in the sand, hands bound behind their backs and gagged. Sayid looked as if he had put up his fair share of fighting, sporting a multicolored shiner on the side of his head.

There was a moment of tension and uneasiness as this man paced before the three of them.

She didn't recognize him. She didn't have time to. Sayid was cutting glances upwards, past the van as this other moved forwards in front of them. His gaze turned up to his captor and then his legs were swinging around under him. He threw them up and caught the man in the knees, dropping him in a matter of seconds. Sayid had his feet around his neck. He pressed hard and rotated his bottom half with a hard quick jerk.

The man was dead.

Sarah's own head snapped back a little at the sight, as if someone had buried a fist in her own face. She didn't know anyone could do such a thing as snapping a mans neck with nothing but bare feet.

Sayid gave a nod and then she realized, he was nodding off to Sawyer who was busy with his own other. Tom was on the ground, crawling, but Sawyer flipped around and found Juliet snatching up then gun he was going for. Tom rose to his knees, face relaxing in surrender. He stuck his hands in the air. "Alright, I give up."

The tension was undeniable and the scowl on Sawyers face unmistakable. A cloud of dark anger that looked old and ripely aged. Without even a twitch or blink of an eye, he swiftly, with calculated aim, aimed and fired. There was another startling pop that made everyone jump and then Tom fell back with a bullet in his chest. "That's for takin the kid off the raft."

Hurley made his way around the van. "Dude, he surrendered."

Sawyers face never relaxed as he loomed over Toms lifeless body with brows drawn down in a sharp point, eyes glaring. "I didn't believe him."

And so, they had won. The large group was safely on their way to the radio tower, Charlie was on his quest to end the signal block in the Looking Glass and Sayid, Jin and Bernard were saved by four unarmed people and a Dharma Van.

Sarah stepped out of the van shocked and numb, staring at the bodies scattered around the beach. Eerie and disturbingly freakish, there still was no denying what had just happened. She'd been hitting a rock the entire length of her life. She'd been hitting it and pushing it, just trying to get herself free. Who knew that her simple desire would lead to this? That her fate would end up winding so deeply into the survival of such a rag tag group of people? Today, these people helped her blow a whole in that rock.

She was staring at Tom. He would look like a victim, had she not known who he was. Had she not known what the others were capable of. She couldn't help but think of the day he'd barged in and set his eyes on her. He was stunned to see her alive. And then he was stunned by the taser Ben held in his hand.

She turned, and Sayid was moving quietly towards her. They faced each other, eyes linked and said nothing for a moment. Then he sighed and shook his head. "You are quite obstinate, aren't you? "

She smiled bleary eyed and then answered. " Maybe. But you love me, right?"

He flicked a searching gaze over her face and then his cheeks appled subtly as he drew her into his shoulder and planted his mouth on the top of her head. "Yes … I love you."

* * *

A/N - I _**know, **_she missed everything with Ben and John. I tried and tried, but the only place I could see her was in that van with Hurley. You know she couldn't really do what Sayid and Jack asked her to do. It's just not her nature.

Hope you guys enjoyed! Thanks Mare and Insanquinato for your reviews!


	68. The Edge

**Chapter 68 - The Edge**

She was standing at the edge of the ocean … _It felt like the edge of the world_. So much had happened, and yet it looked the same. The same clear crystal water reflecting the azure sky above it, rolling in swells, until it crashed into foamy white over her ankles.

She'd stood there too many times to count now. She'd seen it from the sky. She'd sat near it under the warm sun, drying her hair in the breeze. She'd almost drowned in it, were it not for that single white light that led her back to the surface - the light she'd mistakened for the moon. And she'd spent many worried moments standing by waters edge, staring into it as if it could draw the worry out of her and take it within itself.

Sawyer and Juliet weren't far away. Sarah could hear the shovel plunging into the dirt even from where she stood, as they prepared graves for the fallen others.

"What about you? Watcha gonna tell them when they tick everybody's name off the list …"

" … And yours ain't there?"

Another wave crashed into her feet as Sarah noted the short, breathless pause, and then Juliet answered.

"You have some blood on your cheek."

Sarah sighed. Yeah. What a question. She herself was a passenger on 815, but it was far more than that. A passenger, yes, but she hadn't been a resident of anywhere since she was six years old. She couldn't help wondering, what questions would they ask her? What answers would she give? She hadn't really thought about it until just a few minutes ago when Hurley yelled. "Woo!" And then told them Jack said to pack their bags.

Now, here she stood again, gazing out into the water, wondering about the people on the freighter. Thinking about what would happen next. That's when she heard it. Although, hearing might not have been the most accurate word. It was quiet, almost inaudible …You might say she felt the words. They moved around her head, like a soft whisper fluttering in her ears.

"_**Not Penny's boat." **_

She gasped when Sayid slid up beside her. She blinked, lips parted for a moment, and then turned to him. He held her in a concerned gaze and then ran a hand across the back of her hair. "I didn't mean to startle you."

She stared at him. "Did … Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" He asked softly, resting his hand on the small of her back.

"_**Not Penny's boat."**_

Eyes wide, she drew an excited breath. " That! Did you hear it that time? … Charlie? Not Penny's boat. Didn't you hear it?"

He tilted his head. "Sarah, Charlie is with Desmond … At the underwater station."

But then, he raised his chin a little, and fixed a hard gaze beyond her. She turned, searching the water and sky. There was a speck. A small speck bouncing atop the waves. Gliding along the glassy sea. _A boat._

A Kayak to be exact. One small Kayak bobbing through rolls of liquid sapphire, with one figure inside of it. Sayid called for the others.

Sarah cupped her hands over her eyes. "Sayid, I thought Charlie was with Desmond."

She'd repeated his own words, but Sawyer, Juliet, Jin and Bernard had reached the shore. They joined Sayid in schlepping the kayak onto the wet sand. All the while, Desmond rambled in desperation. "We need to get to Jack. We can't let him get in touch with that boat."

Her slight touch of sarcasm was lost. She scanned the water, and then the beach, thinking she might catch a glimpse of Charlie there, but only caught sight of Hurley trudging through the sand, moving in their direction.

"Easy Scotty, everything's cool. The boats on the way." Sawyer assured.

"What … on the way? No…"

"Hey, where's Charlie?" No one seemed to notice Hurley when he stepped up to them. His voice was drowned by Desmond's stammering persistent warning.

" No …That woman, Naomi … She lied. The …The people on the boat aren't who they say they are."

"What?" Juliet stared in disbelief.

"Then who are they?" Sawyer quietly demanded in a deep calm voice. The kind of deep calm that says _"I am gonna raise all kinds of hell right after you answer my question!" _

"Desmond where's Charlie?" Hurley inserted again under the desperate raised tone that Desmond used to eject. "Look, I don't know, but we need to get in touch with Jack … Now!"

"Desmond." Hurley was drowned out once more by the sea of voices.

"It's okay. We can call him."

"Wait"

"You guys don't get it."

"We have a walkie, it's okay. "

"What do you mean the people on the boat aren't who they say they are?"

"**WHERE'S CHARLIE!!" **

Hurley screamed. And then there was silence. The gulls and tide went on as if nothing was different. Nothing had changed.

Sarah heard everything, but she was staring at Hurley and had been from the moment he approached. He was drenched from head to toe, his curly hair lay long against his back by the weight of water. She'd heard a splash when she was standing alone, and caught sight of him just before he landed in the ocean, curled up in a ball. She'd never seen anyone do that before.

_Not Penny's boat. _She was certain of what she heard. Sarah turned her gaze to Desmond when everyone else eyed Hurley, apparently stunned by his unexpected outburst. But Hurley had his gaze fixed on Des. A sort of sorrowful look as if he now feared to know the answer. He waited, panting and dripping wet. Then Desmond dropped his eyes for a moment before meeting Hurley's again. "I ... I … I'm sorry brotha. I…"

Desmond turned away, staring at everyone else as if asking them to help him find the words. But no other words came. Every eye glazed over when the awareness hit them.

Charlie was dead.

He was trying to secure rescue. His task was to swim to an underwater station and flip a switch. The switch that would open all channels of communication to the outside world. The switch that would allow them to contact the freighter sitting outside the island somewhere.

The station was not flooded, as Ben had told the others it was. Two women were posted there and they maintained the communication block, keeping radio silence unless Ben contacted them. Charlie was captured and beaten by these two women.

Desmond swam down when Mikhail began shooting at him from the shore. He found Charlie tied to a chair next to the moon pool. He hid when Mikhail surprisingly appeared and shot the two women.

Desmond shot Mikhail and then he and Charlie managed to interrogate the one woman who survived Mikhail's attack long enough to give them the code to shutting down the communication block. A code that was created by a musician and set to the tune of Good Vibrations. A song Sarah wasn't familiar with, but Charlie knew well.

Desmond heard Charlie yelling his name. He ran to the communications room and spotted Penny's face in the monitor in front of Charlie. He screamed her name and then Charlie

slammed the door on him, locking himself inside so that Charlie alone would suffer the consequences when Mikhail blew up the side of the station from the outside.

The water flowed inside quickly, submerging Charlie in it's cold salty embrace. He held his breath while he stared through the round shatter- proof window one last time.

He nodded his head, spreading his fingers flat against the glass. He'd spent the end of his life trying desperately to deliver one final message. It was written on his palm in black marker. A black omen, it seemed, sealed in Charlie's watery death.

"Not Penny's boat."

Sarah gasped again, unable to hold her mouth closed. She turned her head and locked eyes with Sayid. He flicked a glance over her face while Sawyer continued interrogating.

"How did patchy get out there in the first place. I thought you killed the son of a bitch."

Desmond shook his head. "I don't know brotha. "

The next several minutes ensued with another argument. Call Jack, don't call Jack. Sawyer and Sayid argued back and forth. On one hand, there was the ominous warning from Charlie. Then up for consideration was possibly leaking their suspicions to the freighter people, being that calls between walkie's were most likely being monitored.

Everyone had a point of view until Hurley stretched out his hand and promptly yanked the walkie from Sawyer, sending another wave of startled looks through the group as he just as swiftly tossed it into the ocean.

While a stunned Sawyer stared bewilderedly at him, Hurley just eyed him before turning to walk away. "We'd better get goin."

It seemed to happen in an eye-blink. She was watching them gather the guns left behind by the dead others and then she was walking alongside them in the darkness lightened only

by starlight and torches. There'd been much conversation over Hurley's unpredictable behavior, and how they would present the new information to Jack, but none mentioned Charlie again.

Maybe they were trying to ignore the biggest elephant trampling around among them. Whatever the case, Sarah found herself falling farther behind until she met Sawyer. There was a strange look on his face. Maybe not strange for most people, but definitely unfamiliar on him. He looked sad, an empathetic kind of sadness.

He looked up and caught sight of her. "It's just Hugo left back there, so don't get yourself lost."

She looked at him and smiled just a little. He twitched his eyebrows, "What?"

"Nothin." She shrugged, watching him turn and disappear behind the trees. She called him back when she heard yelling.

"_Hey guys. Guys!"_

"Hey, guys, come back, Hurley's callin. "

But the tree's up ahead were clear of any lingering bodies. She teetered between moving farther up, or following Hurley's voice. In the end, she opted to find Hurley. She slid quickly through shrubs and bamboo towards his voice, calling back to him until she'd slammed into him a second time.

But she hardly noticed for the whispers flitting about her ears. They seemed to flow around and even through her. She turned around dazedly, lost in a whirlwind of ghostly voices.

"Come to me, I need you."

"Sarah, is somebody coming?"

"They must be coming, you-"

"Hush! "

"Richard!"

"Come with us."

"Uh oh." Sarah squealed when Hurley uttered a verbal warning, and then wrenched around only to be stopped frozen. They were both staring at a cabin. A dilapidated looking, creaky sort of cabin. One that could only hold something frightening inside.

Sarah grabbed his arm when Hurley stepped forwards. "Hurley, don't …" She swallowed dryly. "Don't goin there."

He ignored her as he sneaked forwards, making his way to the partially closed in, but slouchy, wooden porch.

"Hurley wait, please." She begged in a whisper. "It's him."

This stopped him momentarily. He turned to her. "What? Who's him?"

"Him. Jacob. He's …Hurley, he's not the kind of man you just go to see. He summons you."

He slid his arm from under her light touch of her hand and proceeded to the porch. She stood there, in the dark shadowed clearing, shivering while preparing for the unknown.

No one had ever seen Jacob, aside from Ben. That is how he became the leader of the others. Ben, and Ben only, spoke to Jacob and did his bidding. Yet, something inside had told Sarah that not even Ben had truly seen him. Maybe he had spoken to him, that she could not dispute. But she doubted if anyone had ever set their eyes on him. Not him, not Jacob.

The creak of the steps made her all the more nervous and she clenched her teeth together when Hurley inched towards the one fractured window. It glowed like a big yellow eye, making it seem as though while she was watching the cabin, it was watching her as well.

The thought did nothing to settle the queasiness.

She squealed when Hurley flew back from the window, stumbled backwards off the porch and then darted past her yelling "Help…Help!"

She was right behind him, until she was frozen solid by the sight just ahead of them. Hurley had turned to look behind, but she was staring straight ahead, jaw dropped and panting for air.

Hurley turned.

"You see it too?"

He said nothing as the glowing eye continued to watch them. They had not run in circles, but a straight line. She was certain of it. But here was the cabin, sitting starkly before them as if it were some wild animal about to devour them. And then another sliver of a yellow beam appeared when the door creaked open.

Sarah let out another startled cry as Hurley slinked backwards, eyes clenched shut stammering, "There's nothing here." Several times over.

This prompted Sarah to count. "One …Two…Three…Four…"

At five, the cabin was gone. Nothing was there aside from an empty spot of ground and the trees all around them. The crickets chirped in the night air as if all were well and nothing was any different.

Hurley opened his eyes. He gawped and then tumbled backwards on the ground. Sarah stood motionless, unable to look away from the place where the cabin stood, until Hurley yelled and then she screamed again, jumping to the side, and turning around.

"Hello Hugo." They both stared hard at the figure before them. John Locke grasping a flickering, glowing torch in his hand.

Hurley lay there, panting. Sarah stared, face contorted until she found a way to piece some words together. "What …How…Where did you come from ?"

He studied her with a casual glance, as he always did, and then answered. "From the jungle …Back there. I heard all the yelling and such …"

Her eyes dropped to his side and then quickly back to his face, which made him study her with a raised intensity. Then her features relaxed some as she noted out loud. "Then, Richard must have found you."

He tilted his head with a hint of intrigue, as only he could do. She responded. "I'm glad you're okay."

He eyed her once more, and then gathered some wood and debris. He lit them and then joined Hurley on the ground. Sarah followed warily. Her initial shock gave way to reservation. After all, the island _had_ earned the reputation of impersonating the dead. She tried not to think about it, but only thought of it more.

John seemed to notice, but ignored her suspicion, focusing his attention on Hurley instead. He pumped the shaken Hugo for information and soon learned everything that had transpired after she and Hurley plowed into the beach camp with the VW van.

_Including Charlie's death and his ominous last words. _

Sarah was quiet, neither interrupting or attempting to stop Hurley from speaking. She observed the unsettling conversation, instead, soaking it in. Something was different about John. Something that made her want to hold back a little.

He reached in his pack and offered them some bottled water, noting the bang up job they had done getting themselves lost. Then asked how they got separated from the rest of the group. Hurley answered again, and Sarah listened as John continued to glean more information.

He asked if Hurley was certain of the message Charlie wrote on his hand. Hugo didn't respond to the question. Eyes fixed forward, he murmured resolutely.

"Jack should have never called those people."

John leaned forward a little. "I couldn't agree more."

Something about this alarmed her as Hurley continued. "It's gonna be hard to talk them into thinking they're not comin here to rescue us."

"Well, we're just gonna have to try our best Hugo. Because if we can't talk'em out of it … Then Charlie died for nothin."

John rose as he spoke, gently snuffing out the fire, but keeping the torch lit. He moved away, leaving Sarah fearfully impressed with the dramatic effect from the gesture.

Hurley rose as well and the three of them started their way to the cockpit of the plane, where the rest of the group was headed. Hurley was in the lead this time, stepping decisively forward as if on a mission.

Sarah kept in line with John, not speaking for sometime, pondering the previous events and conversation. She cut glances at the man several times, thoughts whirring about in her head. She had questions, mysteries to be solved, but she couldn't bring herself to the big question for the gnawing uncertainty in her gut. What was she to say?

And then she was talking. "So, just how did you survive? I mean, if Richard didn't help you."

He glanced at her. "Survive what?"

"Well, the pit of course."

His feet stopped as he faced her. "The pit."

She mirrored him. "Yes. The pit. You were dying John."

He was impassively staring as he responded. "Why would you say that?"

"The island told me."

He nodded. "Mmm … The island."

"I know you were in that pit, and I know how you got there. In that grave. But I don't know how you got out. How you're standing here … now … like nothing ever happened."

He bobbed his head and smiled thoughtfully. "If you talk to the island Sarah, then you shouldn't have to ask.."

They heard Sawyers voice, and moved forwards, until they'd passed the shrubs. Sayid was the next to speak, and his words were not very welcoming as he eyed John..

"What are you doing here?" He snarled.

John held that he too was there to warn Jack about the people on the boat. He had already made one failed attempt and now he was hoping he could get some support and hopefully then they could convince Jack.

Sayid promptly questioned the depth of his loyalty, by reminding him of when he sabotaged their last chance to go home by blowing up the submarine. He needn't say anything more in order to remind him and everyone listening that regardless of anything and everything they had tried to secure rescue, John Locke was always the man standing between them and a way off the island.

As Sarah stood there, as if mentally piecing together a puzzle, everyone jumped at the sound of approaching whispers. Kate and Sun appeared from behind the trees. The group behind them filtered in as well. Sarah saw Claire flicking her eyes across the clearing and felt her heart grow heavy. She knew what Claire was looking for.

_Who she was looking for._

She couldn't control her own emotion when Hurley approached Claire, and then she brought a hand to her mouth when she saw the bewildered and empty look spread across her face. Claire would never see Charlie again.

"Sarah?" Tears streaked her face as she turned and found Alex standing beside her, staring up at her with doe eyes.

"Alex!" She cried, embracing her young sister. She drew back, holding the girls face in her hands. " What are you? How?"

"It …It was Ben. He tried to stop Jack from going to the tower."

"What? But, he… He took you with him?"

"Yea." She confirmed. "He was mad. Because I sent Karl to warn you guys. It …It doesn't matter Sarah. I saw… Sarah, my mother is here! You were right! You were right all along!"

" I know, she was with us when we went for Jack at the compound."

Alex opened her mouth, but everyone jerked around when they heard the smack. John was on the ground before Sarah saw the punch. Jack was standing over him and he was looking up at Jack like the mouse looks up at the cat when it's caught between it's paws.

"Jack, what are you…" Her voice caught in her throat when he wrenched the pistol from Johns belt and the click when he cocked it. "Jack, no!"

She lunged forward but was stopped by a pair of hands wrapped hard around her shoulders. Sawyer objected low in her ear. "Uh-uhhh sweetheart."

She tried to dart forward, but Sayid grabbed her as well. She stood, painfully watching Jack towering over John with the gun cocked and ready to be fired.

The encircled crowd observed as well and none of them seemed to be breathing. Yet, no one stepped in between them. No one interfered. They watched from the sidelines, silenced by the alarming tension in the air. Was there any air left?

Nostrils flaring, Jack snarled while John shook his head. "You're not gonna shoot me Jack. No more than I was gonna shoot …"

**CLICK**


	69. Hidden

**Chapter 69 - Hidden**

"_So, do you know anything about your real father? "_

"_Just that it's not Ben." Sarah stopped only long enough to give John a searching glance and then asked one more curious question. _

"_John, if you had a daughter would you still think Sayid was a good man? "_

_He took a breath and rose. "If I had a daughter, there wouldn't be a man good enough for her. "_

"_I want to know, and I want you to tell me. What Jude told me about my father …Is it true?"_

_Wide eyed, his mouth opened, but nothing came out of it. When he did respond, it was with uncertainty, and an unconvincing tone. Richard nodded the confession, swiping his tongue over his lips._

"_Yes. Yes Sarah, it's true."_

_Jude was standing over her in the pouring rain. The mud caving in under her knees, and water trickling down underneath her shirt. She was staring up through the barrel of a rifle. _

_He took a few steps toward her, grinning wickedly … "Well … while we're at it … I might as well give you a secret you'll take to your grave. Think of it as a …" (Snicker) "… a little parting gift. "_

_He bent down, whispering in her ear, "Wanna know who your daddy really is? "_

"_John Locke." _

**CLICK**

Sarah was trembling as the strength in her legs melted into jello. She'd screamed Jacks name, while sinking helplessly to the ground. Jack was snarling over John, while John continued staring into Jack's face without a hint of fear or intimidation.

Flat on his back, he simply stared up at Jack unassumingly. "It wasn't loaded."

There was a moment of disbelief. Everyone knew that they would do what it took to protect themselves, but it was different when Jack, of all people, their leader, could actually pull the trigger on John. On one of their own.

Even John himself revealed an expression of shock at how easy it was for Jack. How comfortably he grasped it while aiming it between Johns eyes. It wasn't loaded - Jack didn't know that.

Jack held his position for a few more painful seconds, hanging onto the gun and staring at it as if disappointed that he couldn't empty it into Johns face. Frustrated that he was unable to satisfy the burning anger.

He snarled, lips twitching, and then drew back his fist, slamming it into Johns mouth.

Sarah made another lunge towards them, as she got on her feet, calling out Jack's name.

Both Sayid and Sawyer pushed her back as they stepped out, grabbing Jack by the arms.

"Let me go!" Jack turned, snarling at them. "Do you know what he did?!"

"Yes! I KNOW what he did!"

Sarah shrunk back just a little, awkwardly holding her mouth in her hand, somewhat stunned once hearing the level of Sayid's raised voice in response to Jack's. This could have been how a helpless child might feel when faced with a world of violent adults. Shaky, unsure and bewildered. Her stomach quivered uncontrollably while she observed the unpredictable moment unfold.

And then something happened in her head.

"_Mommy_." She whispered, unaware that she'd said anything at all.

**CLICK**

"_Baby, run. Just run …Go baby … Hurry. "_

"All I did … All I have ever done has been in the best interest of everyone."

"Are you insane?" Jack snapped back, while John swiped a hand over his bloodied mouth.

"_Where is she, Mara? "_

"_My name is Kelly. Who is Mara?" _

Jack and John bounced their words back and forth while everyone observed within their circle. But Sarah was caught up in something else. Something trying to escape from the darkness in her head, something there, but just out of reach.

**CLICK … BLAM**

"_What? What'd ya … This wasn't the plan …"_

"_Get rid of her."_

She was staring at Ben, who looked back at her with a gaze that hinted he might have some idea as to what might be running through her mind. _Ben. _It was difficult to comprehend that he was there, quietly settled among them.

Sarah blinked when she processed the vision.

Danielle was beside him. She held one end of the rope that had Ben connected to the other which coiled around his wrists several times over. His blotchy, bloodied face bore no emotion, one way or another, aside from apathy. But his eyes were the same, wide and indifferent.

"You killed Naomi!" Jack continued blasting John.

Sarah's head snapped back as Ben coyly noted that technically that wasn't true, since she wasn't dead yet.

"She is now." Kate contradicted, sauntering up to Jack with Naomi's phone dangling from her hand. "She just died, and she didn't give you up John. She covered for us. They're on their way."

"She didn't cover for anyone. " John scowled. "She wants her people to come here. And, trust me, when they do, we had better be far away from here. I'm goin to the barracks. The others abandoned them and it's the only place with any security. It'll have to do for now until I can think of somethin else. Until then, if you wanna live, you need to come with me."

Jack braced himself, feet firm and rigid, hands on hips. He shook his head with an assured confidence, his response was as unfiltered as always, speaking the words exactly as he thought them. Hot off the mental press of his brain. "No one's goin anywhere with you John. Cause they're _not_ crazy."

"He's _not_ crazy." Hurley's quiet, but pensive tone snapped the tension with a sorrow none of them expected. "What about Charlie? "

The three words fell solidly on top of them like a solid steel brick would if it slammed squarely on their heads. Charlie wasn't there to voice his opinion, to express his thoughts. Charlie wasn't there to speak for himself. He had only his last message written in black ink, smeared across his palm like a death message. _"Not Penny's Boat." _

Hurley was making sure that Charlie's voice was heard, nonetheless. Even if the voice was from the chilling grave of water.

"Charlie went down there to that place so that … So that we all could be rescued. And whatever he did, it worked. But something must have happened, he must have heard something. Something must have happened before he …"

The crack in his voice sent a fresh rush of emotion in the faces all around. With a mournful, staggered breath, he spoke again.

"I don't know why, but he changed his mind. Because the last thing he did was to warn us that the people on that boat are not who they said they were. So I'm not listening to you. I'm listening to my friend."

"I'm listening to Charlie."

"_Jack should have never called those people."_

_John leaned forward a little. "I couldn't agree more."_

"_It's gonna be hard to talk them into thinking they're not comin here to rescue us."_

"_Well, we're just gonna have to try our best Hugo. Because if we can't talk'em out of it _

"… _Then Charlie died for nothin."_

And then Hurley moved. He put a foot out, and then another. The steps crunching in the sand was nearly as loud as the heartbeats mixed with sorrow lingering overhead.

Hurley moved, until he was standing beside John Locke. There was no loud protest, just an empty moment of uncertainty. The question was in every face, reflecting in every eye. Would they choose team Locke or team Jack? Would they go with the man of faith, or remain with the man of fact?

"Anyone else?" John asked quietly. "There isn't much time."

Claire was next. She stepped out without any resistance from Jack. Glances flickered back and forth between friends and couples as a slow filter of bodies moved towards John and Hurley. Danielle stepped out, pulling Ben behind her like a dog on a leash.

"With your permission Jack, I'd like to go with John."

_With your permission. _Since when did Ben ask permission to do anything. Jack stared at him, then flicked a glance at John. "He's all yours."

Sarah drew a breath when Alex and Karl moved past and joined team Locke. Then she heard Kate whisper. "What're you doin?"

Sawyer turned his head backwards, with a flicker of regret lining his distinctive features. There was no hint of a dimple now. "Same thing I always do Kate. Survivin."

As if on cue, there was clap of thunder. A sheet of cold, white rain fell down on them like a pathetically bad omen. John glanced over the people who had not joined him. "You know where to find us, when you change your minds."

As the rain fell, the island seemed to mourn the dividing of souls, as John turned his back and disappeared into the jungle. One by one, they filed in behind him. One by one until it was Hurley standing alone. He turned his head to Jack, with a face full of pain and then disappeared as well.

Sarah had watched it all unfold. Now she knew what the unsettled feeling was when she, John and Hurley sat by the fire talking about Charlie and the freighter. Now she understood what was so familiar. Charlie meant the world to Hurley. Charlie may have probably been his only, one true friend. The friend that stuck closer than a brother.

Hurley's soft heart was pliable by the clever dialog John set in motion. He was unable to convince Jack to follow him, and to convince everyone else to abandon their leader. He confessed himself that his return was provoked by his need for support, because he couldn't dissuade anyone on his own. He needed a different strategy.

_A different angle._

The kind of angle that would win friends and influence people. One that would draw it's strength from pure, simple emotion. If anyone could effect people on such a level it was the likes of Hugo Reyes. Soft, tender-hearted Hurley mourning the devastating loss of his one true and faithful friend.

As the rain teemed down on her head, Sarah stared into the empty tree line and then she turned her body. Sayid was there. He was studying her with quiet intensity. What would be her response?

She took a step, one step towards him, with a look on her face that he didn't much care for. He dropped his hand from his chin and waited for words.

She drew her face uncontrollably into a display of mixed emotion. Ben was with John, and wherever Ben was, she didn't want to be there. But Alex had followed John as well. By choice - when she could have remained free of Ben's influence.

But more pressing and driving was the need to do what had been burning in her chest since she'd heard Jude's words. When he'd whispered in her ear that John Locke was her father.

Sayid stared, dropping his mouth as if reading her mind. "Sarah."

"I … I know." She stammered. "I know, but I …I have to …"

"No. You don't have to do anything. Listen to me …"

The rain was beating down on them, and she was struggling to find a way to explain, to put it into terms he would understand.

"There is something that I have to do. "

"Sayid … I have to. "

"What?"

Her tears merged with the water pouring down her cheeks. "I have to know first. I have to know before I can … Before …"

"I just have to know. It's not what you think … But I have to go …"

" Sayid please."

"What do I think, Sarah?" He snorted, slamming his eyes shut and then cutting a glance to the side.

"Jack!"

Jack shifted his head towards them. He'd heard, but was trying hard not to. Finally, he put his hands on his hips. "What?! What do you want me to do Sayid?!"

He then locked eyes with Sarah, seemingly having an argument inside his head. He ran a palm over his short blades of hair. "Let her do what she wants. She's goin to anyways."

She stared at the Iraqi helplessly and then flipped around, taking hurried steps towards the tree-line. Sayid was hot behind her. He caught up with her after she'd been enveloped by the jungle. He took her by the shoulder and turned her around. "Sarah, that man is a lunatic! You cannot think of following him, of listening to him …John Locke …"

"Is my father." There, she'd said it out loud.

"John Locke is my father."

The blood rushed to her head as soon as it fell from her lips. She quickly drew her hand to her mouth remembering Jude's words, Richards confirmation and the click when Jack pulled the empty trigger.

She couldn't have hit him with the taser and stunned him any more intensely. Sayid was studying her with his mouth dropped open. "Who told you that?"

"I asked Richard …Remember? I asked him if Jude told me the truth. Jude said he was telling me a secret that I could take to the grave. Out there when he had me on my knees, when he was gonna shoot me in the head. Remember? He whispered it in my ear. "

"He told me John Locke was my father, Sayid. And that's what I meant when I asked Richard if it was true. He said it was true. You heard him."

It was all coming out of her, tumbling out of her mouth while her chest heaved in and out with the rhythm of the sheets of rain pummeling the ground. "I have to go. I have to talk to him. Don't you see? "

He flicked his eyes up and down, head tilted to the side. He wiped his hand across his face, drawing a deep breath. "Sarah … that man is not your father."

She smiled and dropped her head.

"Listen to me …"

She raised it again, fixing her eyes into his. "No … _you_ listen to _me. _"

"You don't like him, and so you're telling me he's not my father. Nobody ever said you would like him or I would like him. But it doesn't matter what you think about it, or what Jack thinks about it. It's not about any of you this time. It's about me and it's about John. So, you can back me up … or you can abandon me. "

He raised his chin upwards and then let it fall a little. "Then you're not going alone."

"Sayid."

"You've chosen to believe the people you've told me have lied to you your entire life. The same people who stole you from your parents, held you captive and did things that you can't talk about. You believe them. Do _not_ argue with me any longer. "

He shook his head. "It's not safe for you to go to him alone."

"Why would he hurt me? "

"That man threw a knife into the back of an unarmed woman, and then he turned his gun on Jack in order to prevent him from contacting the freighter. He is desperate. Desperate people will do desperate things."

"You won't let me go alone."

He stared at her. "Are you staying with them?"

The question was direct and to the point, and she couldn't find any words with which to respond. So she gazed back at him, breathing in the damp air and shivering under her drenched clothes. He shifted his jaw, flicked his eyes across her face, readjusted the gun over his shoulder and then started forwards. "They couldn't have gotten far."

He was right as usual. A ten minute walk led them to nearing voices. It was obviously Johns group. She started forward, but then stopped when she noticed he was not following beside her. He gave a nod and added under his breath. "It's probably best if they believe you are alone."

She paused, but continued through the trees when he told her to go, her hand idly fondling the charm hanging from her neck.

"Sarah. I'm glad you changed your mind."

They were all staring at her now, Sawyer, Claire, Hurley, Danielle, Carl, Alex, even Vincent. Ben eyed her from his place next to the tree where they had him firmly secured.

John was the only one who was moving towards her. "You found it."

She must have had a confused expression because he added. "The button" while he sort of waved his finger in the air. The button? Had she told him that was what she was looking for in the brush so long ago? She couldn't remember. "Oh, that … yea."

She was standing there awkwardly, unsure of what to say next when he simply asked her himself. "Was there something else you wanted, Sarah? Other than just to come with us?"

"He hasn't told you, then?" She answered.

"Who hasn't told me what?"

"John, why did you throw a knife in Naomi's back?"

"You came all the way out here to ask me that?"

She stood firm until he sighed. "I have to protect the island, we are all meant to protect it. It's the only way any of us are gonna live now. Our lives depend on the existence of this island. That is why I do anything that I do. It's as simple as that."

There he was, standing there with everyone around him looking to him for guidance. He was their leader now. She shifted glances between he and Ben, having a growing fear that soon, she might not be able to tell them apart.

"Listen to yourself John. You killed someone and you've convinced yourself that it was okay. That you had a good reason for doing it. It won't be long before you're no different than him."

Now they were all looking at her. She hadn't planned anything other than going after them. She didn't have anything stuck in her head, no running dialog. Now she had an audience, when she only wanted to talk to John. It was Alex who inspired her. Alex, because she knew better than anyone why she shouldn't be with them, Ben in their midst.

"What's wrong with all of you ? If that man over there, you know, the man that attacked you, manipulated you …" She flicked another glance towards John. "Stole your children because he can't have any of his own."

"If he's with you, then you've got to know it's a bad plan. This is not the way to make sure you all live … It guarantees you all die. And be sure to know that he'll be the one still alive after you're all gone"

Sawyer was leaning forwards, scowling while the others stared blankly at the woman before them. She wasn't a speaker. She talked, rambled even, but she didn't know how to speak to a group. Now she was standing in the midst of them speaking as boldly as she had heard anyone else.

"Why did you come here, Sarah?"

She bolted around as if John had just flipped some switch in her back. "I'm here John because I know you manipulated Hurley. And you let him think it was his idea. But it was yours. You used Charlie's death to get your way. I'm here John, because you're making a huge mistake. Because I don't want you …I don't want …"

"You tell him why I'm here Benjamin. You tell him the truth, tell him what you did."

Benjamin Linus, though tied to a tree and subdued as much as anyone could subdue him, smirked. He smirked as he always did, knowing that he was always far ahead of anyone else. It didn't matter what was happening at the moment, because he had the future already planned. So, he could sneer and look down his nose at anyone he pleased, regardless of how defeated it appeared he was. "I don't know what you mean."

She'd always given him some form of resistance in the past, but then she'd have to shrink back when she knew she was close to crossing the line. But now, she didn't care. "I remember. Do you hear me? I remember it. You killed my mother and then took me. "

"Sarah." Alex was standing now, flitting glances between Sarah and Ben.

"It's true Alex. He sent them to come and take me and they killed her. "

"I didn't kill anyone."

"I think you hate being called a liar, Ben, because you know how true it is and you can't stand to hear it."

"Could we, fast forward this to the point here?" John inquired, a bit exasperated.

"I didn't tell anyone to kill anyone, Mara chose to …"

Sarah smiled. "Mara. Thank you Ben. Thank you for telling me something that's true."

He shut his mouth then, staring poker-faced into empty air, but Sarah kept talking. "I'm here John, because I don't want my father to be Ben."

"Come again?" Maybe Sawyer hadn't meant to say that out loud, but there it was.

She could hide it no further. Two shimmering streaks slowly trekking their way down her cheeks, she linked her eyes with Johns. "I'm your daughter."

The corners of Ben's mouth turned up slightly, but he remained silent. John's mouth formed an "O" before he answered.

"Tarzanna and Mr. Clean? " Sawyer pondered fairly loudly. "Didn't see that one comin."

John placed a hand on the back of her shoulder. "Come here."

He led her just a little way from the group, but not beyond eyeshot of Ben. He kept a concentrated gaze on her. "Who told you that? Ben?"

"No. He never told me anything. It was Jude. One of them. He told me before he tried to kill me and then Richard told me it was true."

"Richard? Richard told you that?"

This didn't seem to be quite the response she was expecting. There was a blanket of confusion over his expression, and in his voice. He backed away from her, turned and then faced her again. "Sarah, I'm sorry. I know how badly you want to find your father … But I'm not him."

She sucked in her lips, shaking her head. "What?"

"I'm sorry. I really am. Listen, I would love to have a daughter, and I would love to have a daughter like you. But the truth is, I don't have any children. I've never had any children. "

"No. No that's not true. You're my father. Her name was Mara, but … No …she might not have used her name. She might have used Kelly. "

He shook his head again. "No. I'm sorry. I wish could …"

Her heart skipped when he paused, placing a finger over his mouth. "Kelly? Kelly and Sarah? "

She smiled through bleary eyes. "Yes. You see John, it's true. You remember don't you?"

"Kelly Leto."

_Leto. _She hadn't had a last name until now. She tucked her hands under her chin, and sniffled. "Leto? Her last name was Leto?"

"You look just like her. Sarah. That's why you've always seemed so familiar to me. You're Kelly's daughter? And you ended up here? How is that even possible?"

"Kelly's daughter."

He moved closer, and gently braced her while shaking his head. "Sarah, Kelly and I never... We weren't anything but friends. I took care of you sometimes, sang to you, but your father …Well, Kelly never spoke about him, and I never asked. I don't know why they would mess with your head like that, but I'm not your father. "

She backed away, saying nothing. What could she say? She caught sight of Ben, who'd made certain to remain tuned into the conversation and felt the anger rise. She was snarling and clenching her fists before John could catch her and pummeling a helpless Ben. _If one could imagine Ben as helpless._

She was hitting him, ignoring the voices behind her. Alex was desperately crying out, but she didn't care anymore.

Then she was being pulled off of him. "Okay, okay Ali … You got your time, now calm yourself down, alright?"

John and Sawyer were both dragging her back, while she was busy punching air. She stopped when she realized she wasn't doing any damage anymore.

"Why are you lying to me?"

John stared deftly at the young woman squirming defiantly in Sawyers arms. "James, just … Just … Let her go."

She grunted and then stood still, waiting to hear from John. "I'm not lying. I wish I were."

Instead of responding, she flicked her eyes back and forth from John to Ben. Were they even two different people anymore? She wasn't so certain. She was having a typical Ben/Sarah conversation with John. _Why are you lying? I'm not lying. That's a lie._

She never thought that running from Ben and finding her father would lead her to the same place. _Ben. _

"Listen," He determined. We're camping here for the night. You can stay with us until then … long as you don't go attacking anyone else. But come morning, I think it'd be best if you head back to the beach."

"Don't worry about it." She rejected. "I'm leaving now. But you better not underestimate him. In a days time he'll convince you to let him go, and then you'll be taking orders from him. Mark my words."

"Sarah wait." Alex was hot on her heels. "Please."

She would always stop for Alex. She leaned forwards and embraced her, wishing she weren't saying goodbye. She brushed the hair from her sisters face, and cried right along with her. "Alex, it's not too late. You can come with me. I can take care of you. You know I would."

"Stay. Stay here." Pleading deep, blue eyes gleamed up at her.

"I …I want to. I don't wanna leave you again, Alex." Ben was observing them, and she didn't care anymore. "But I … I can't …I can't be anywhere where he is … I won't be. "

"And you love Sayid?"

She looked at Karl, standing upright with concern in his boyish face that carried a hint of the man he would soon be, and then she found something of a smile within her tears.

"Yea. Yea, I do."

"Then you gotta be with him."

James Sawyer Ford looked at the ground, while Sarah nodded slowly. "I've gotta be with him. "

"I love you Sarah."

She grabbed the girl and held her tightly. "I love you Alex. Just … You don't have to do what everybody tells you to do. You know that. You know where I am."

"I know."

She kissed Alex on the top of her head and then turned her back to team Locke. She would disappear back into the jungle and there she would find Sayid waiting for her. Questions unanswered, but never feeling more right about where she needed to be.

She didn't expect the next voice running persistently behind her. "Hey, wait up. "

"Yea, James. What?"

"Kinda dark out here in the creepy jungle, you know. You don't really wanna trek back to the beach alone, now do you?"

She half-smiled, tossing her head back and forth. "Yea? Well, I'm not alone. Sayid's waitin for me out here. So, thanks."

"Yea?" He smirked. "And where's he waitin for ya? In the trees? "

Frowning, she turned her back on him. She hadn't thought about but, but she had walked a good distance from their group. She actually was right where she'd left Sayid. She rolled her eyes anticipating what ever smart remark Sawyer would spout off next.

"Sayid?" She called his name, but the tree frogs chirping was the only answer back. She stared out into the darkness, Sawyer moving up beside her. Head cocked back a little, smiling slyly, his southern drawl, which was usually cute and amusing, couldn't have been anymore aggravating at the moment.

"So ... Ya wanna ... Rethink the whole walkin out in the jungle alone in the dark thing?"


	70. Contact

**Chapter 70 - Contact**

It was strange, how Sawyer didn't correct her when she called him James. He didn't shift his eyes, or shake his head. He simply stood there, brows low, staring into the same empty jungle that she was peering into.

"Well I dunno James." She answered. "You did call me Tarzanna, right?"

He didn't seem the least bit phased. She rotated herself around. "James?"

"What?" He snapped, tightening his lips a little.

Later, she would discover that it didn't always pay to have cultured such a rich imagination, but for now, she was certain of what she'd ascertained. She stared at him, holding her breath. "You're not surprised? Angry?"

"What the hell you goin on about, woman?"

"Nothing." She smiled nervously, and then she raised her head, staring off over his shoulder. "Oh there, you are! "

He turned to an empty space behind him. Flipping around again he caught her making a fast run into the jungle. He threw his hands in the air, rolling his eyes. "What the …? I'll be damned …"

"You know, the rest of the others are still out there somewhere ! … Then you got the boars and …. And polar bears … And … Frogs …"

His voice tapered off towards the end there. There was a pause, as if he were waiting for her to return and then. " Fine … Suit yourself ! "

She hadn't run that far. She slowed into a stop and turned around, staring back from where she thought she'd come. He hadn't chased after her. He'd shouted out protests, but he'd let her sprint out there on her own. Squinting, while studying the tree line, she called out, rather apprehensively. "Sawyer?"

There was no response.

Hands to her sides, she panted, displeased with the twinge of uneasiness in her gut. Sayid wasn't where he should have been. Wasn't where he said he would be. Now she'd run from Sawyer who could've helped her look for him.

It was a stupid notion - Thinking that she could have encountered a Sawyer double, as she had with Sayid once before. There was no smoke or any scary sounds, not even whispers. It was just Sawyer and his dimples, along with his dazzling personality. And if it would have actually been the thing she was terrified of, she should have run back towards team Locke, instead of isolating herself in the big empty, and dark, jungle.

She'd left herself stranded alone … On purpose. Could anyone else instigate their own quandaries as well as she? Forget about all the ways the island and Ben had screwed her over, she was capable of that all on her own.

_Take a breath. _And then she did. Okay, yes, all of this was shortsighted and rather ridiculous, but she was being just as unproductive standing there beating herself senseless over it. And she was becoming more consumed with worry for Sayid every second she wasted arguing with herself. Would he have really left her on purpose, when he said he was waiting for her? Or, had something happened to him?

Now, Sayid was stout in his own right, someone to be reckoned with and being that he had, in fact, snapped a man's neck with his bare feet, it wasn't even arguable whether or not he could handle himself alone in the jungle. _But he was not insuperable._

She sighed, fixing her eyes towards the spot she'd left Sawyer. "Sawyer? A … Are you still there?"

Why did her own breath sound louder than anything else chirping and croaking in the darkness? "S … Sayid?"

There was a snap, a shriek that she realized was her own, and then she was galloping through the trees again, just like old times. And just like old times, she'd gotten herself so turned around and twisted that she could no longer figure out where the beach, nor where team Locke might be.

She did notice, however, a faint lighting of the black velvet sky. Morning was on it's way, and it couldn't come any sooner for her. She plopped down on the ground and stared up, the sky was still there, and so were the stars, that's all she needed to know for now.

_What was that sound? _A bell?

It was daylight. Her eyes popped open, searching for the origin of the persistent clanging that had woken her from a sound sleep. The rain had long stopped, since before she left Sawyer, but the ground was still damp all the same.

"Moorrr.."

What?

The rustic cow hovered over her lazily, with it's copper bell swinging side to side from a twisted rope tied around it's neck. She bolted onto her feet, but it didn't seem to matter to the cow. She eyed Sarah rather blankly, blinked her large coffee-tinted eyes, mooed again and then turned away.

Sarah watched her saunter towards the edge of an embankment, remembering all too clearly what happened the last time she came across one of these cows.

But, Mikhail couldn't have survived the blast in the underwater station - The Looking Glass. He blew the whole thing up while holding onto a grenade, no one could survive that …. Right? She blew air from her nose and then started to laugh. Laugh that is, until she heard something squirming up the ridge.

Something was crawling up and would soon crest the top. Now … When it would have been logical to run, she couldn't move. She was frozen, eying hard the crown of a head peaking the top of the embankment. Maybe … Just maybe if she remained still enough, he wouldn't see her. _She didn't even have a taser this time. _

The cow mooed again, echoed by a series of groaning. Sarah held her breath as the scrappy-headed, bearded man drew himself over the ridge, panting and staring at the cow the same way she had. Before she could do anything, he was reaching into his grey, baggy pants. He tumbled backwards, grasping something in his hand … One of those phones like Naomi had.

"Oh." He gasped and then fiddled with the phone, before he chunked it with a frustrated scowl. Then, he was reaching into his other pocket. She was almost ready to take a step towards him when she froze once more. This time, he'd produced a bright orange gun that he was fumbling around with, trying to load. He raised it and when he brought his fingers down on the trigger she let out another shriek.

A bright orange flame jutted into the sky, she lost her footing and then she was rolling, head over heals down the embankment. She could see nothing but grass spinning around her head and it was getting faster the farther she rolled, until she hit the bottom. She spun a little farther until she came to a stop on her belly with a short "oomph."

_She could use one of those pills Jack used to give her for headaches right about now. _

The man wasn't making any noise. She managed, with a groan, to raise her head up enough to see that he hadn't followed her and he wasn't looking for her. He did have a rather large gash on his head, she realized, wondering if perhaps he'd passed out or something. Through the spinning swath of green, she heard. "Lapidus!"

She most certainly did not know that voice, although she was very aware of how essential it was that she evacuated … Pronto. She pushed herself up, but didn't get very far. Regardless of who might be hovering around overhead, she was bewildered by something else much more bizarre.

_She knew what it was. _Jack loved them when they were kids and he had a collection of pictures, along with some miniature models. She had never seen one in person, however. She stared at the helicopter, sitting perfectly still inside of the small valley, with a slow realization growing in her head. _The freighter people._

She was thinking of the man with the orange gun when she returned her gaze to the embankment. What she discovered were seven figures headed straight for her. She would have panicked had she not heard her name.

"Sarah?"

She squinted. "Jack?"

They were moving closer as she stepped out to meet them. Kate and Jack were walking side by side. He tilted his head a little. "What are ya doin out here?"

She flicked eyes over the bearded man and two others. "I … uh … I was … I got lost, you know, tryin to find my way back."

He glanced around, as if noting she was alone. "Well, I guess you changed your mind about Locke, then."

The strangers were confusion enough. It was, however, the presence of someone less unfamiliar that stunned her the most. She'd let her eyes trail between Jack, Kate, and the strangers until they passed Juliet and rested on the olive-skinned, dark-haired face she knew so well. She studied him, unable to find any words. She simply stared and muttered.

"Sayid?"

He was, apparently, visibly effected by the exchange between she and Jack, and then the questioning in her eyes, evidenced in the way he shifted his weight around uncomfortably. He rolled his eyes around in his head as if figuring out a puzzle.

"You're the girl!" The bearded man piped. "The one from up there … With the cow. Hey, I didn't mean to scare ya … Are you okay? "

Perhaps it would have been funny if it weren't so confusing. The edge of her brows pointed down between her eyes. "Um."

"Sarah, this is Frank. Miles, Daniel. " Jack interrupted. He was bobbing his head and introducing them as if they were at a tea party or something. They were strangers, and their arrival was preceded by a dark warning. But even this was over-shadowed by Sayid's presence there. She kept having to redirect her gaze from his while trying to concentrate on Jack, who stepped forwards toward the chopper.

"Daniel, Frank and Miles helicoptered in from the freighter. We're gonna have a look at it since the storm kinda banged it up a bit."

Daniel Faraday was a mild-mannered sort of man. It was obvious just by looking at him. He'd tagged along awkwardly, occasionally giving an anxious tug at the vest he wore over a white shirt. His had his sleeves rolled up to the elbows. The simple, black tie was a bit much compared to the other two men. Miles Strom had on a dark, hooded, long-sleeved shirt but Frank Lapidus was dressed more appropriately for the beach. His burly chest was partially covered by a white tank. Over it, a pale blue flowered shirt, unbuttoned and blowing loose in the breeze.

There was one more missing from their team. A woman named Charlotte S. Lewis.

Miles, Charlotte, and Daniel had evacuated the helicopter with parachutes the night before, leaving Frank to figure out how to crash all by himself. But he landed the bird all in one piece instead, there in the small valley.

Daniel paced a little as they circled the chopper, before he finally spoke his mind. Actually, he more or less stuttered his way through. "I … uh. Well, can we …Naomi. "

Kate gave a nod, sparing him and them the agony or any further dialog. "Uh, yea, I'll take you to her."

"Kate."

She eyed Jack with mild interest. "It's okay. Just gonna show him where she is."

He held a concerned gaze at them disappearing up the hill. When he looked back, Juliet was nearing Frank, who was lowering himself down near a shady spot. Then he turned to Sayid next. "So, let's see if this bird will fly."

Maybe he was put off by the way Sayid wasn't jumping fast enough at the chance to fiddle with the new big toy. Or perhaps he just needed something to say. Either way, Sarah glanced at everyone and then shuffled her feet. She wanted to approach him. She wanted to know why he'd just left her out there when she'd spent all night worried for him. She just didn't know how and she was too exhausted to try.

She watched him starting for the cockpit. He noted her, faced the opening, paused and then turned around. He was moving towards her.

They were face to face. He was holding her in a quiet gaze, and then she felt the world turn over under her feet. She raised her eyes to his, a wave of anxiety washing over her. She spoke in spite of the lump building painfully in her throat. "You weren't there. I …I was worried. I thought something had happened to you."

Standing there, breathing in and out, his shoulders drooped a little. He flickered a short glance over her, answering with a vulnerability she'd never heard before. "I thought … I thought you were staying …"

Both moved and heartbroken at the same time,her heart leaped into her mouth. She bobbed her head, an overpowering sense of remorse canceling out everything else. She was melting in the wounded gaze he tried hard to conceal, as she considered what he'd just confessed. He'd left her there because he thought she wasn't coming back to him.

She responded slowly, "I didn't answer you."

Another wave of guilt flushed her face as she recalled it. "You asked me if I was staying with them … And I didn't answer. "

He didn't respond. He didn't need to. His face told her everything.

"I'm sorry." She gushed. "I'm so sorry - I was just so confused. "

Eyes linked with hers, he held his gaze steady and then nodded before tilting his head. "Have you been out here all night?"

"I was trying to find you, and I got lost."

He sighed, rolling his eyes. "I am sorry. Are you alright? What happened?"

The touch of his hand on her cheek brought her some much needed comfort. "Well, it was a hard landing, from the hill up there, but I'm okay. "

She stepped into his arms, and he didn't deny her his embrace. It was strong and secure, and she felt safe there. She didn't want to leave it. "He said he knew my mother, but they never … They were friends and nothing more. He said they were lying to me."

He could have gloated that he was right. He could have said _I told you so_. But he looked at her empathetically and murmured, "I'm sorry."

She met his gaze straightforwardly. "It doesn't matter. If he's my father or not, it doesn't change anything. I know where I belong … Where I'm supposed to be. "

He was taking in her words, listening to everything she said and when she was done, he leaned forward and kissed her. " It was a stupid thing to do. Leaving you out there when I knew it wasn't safe. "

"It's alright. It's done … And over now."

He smiled somberly, with her chin between his fingers. "I will not leave you again."

And then he was sliding into the cockpit, aiming to survey the damage brought on by the previous nights storm.

Several minutes later, Kate and Daniel were returning, carting Naomi's body between them on a homemade stretcher. Jack approached Sayid, who in turn assured that while there was minor damage, the helicopter could be flown again. Miles stared at Jack.

"Can I have the phone now?"

Jack smirked with his eyes, as if he were about to say something clever. "I tell ya what. I'll give you the phone, if you tell me what you people are doin here."

Miles stared back straight-faced, waving his finger around. "I'll tell you what we're doin here, if you give me the phone."

Face all scrunched up, Sarah watched in bewilderment. Jack exchanged glances with Sayid and then handed the phone over to Miles. "Don't say anything about your sister."

"Apparently it's code for I'm in trouble." Jack said, reading the confusion in Sarah's face.

"Uhhuh."

Miles was considerably shorter than Jack. Perhaps this was the reason why he seemed so high-strung. Whatever the case, he seemed to be in a constant state of anger, had no people skills and didn't seem to care. He did, however, seem to have no reservations about telling you exactly what he thought.

He was barking at someone over the phone by the time Kate and Daniel reached the chopper. He quickly changed the direction of his conversation as soon as he spotted their cargo. "Whoa! Whoa, what are you doin with her?"

"I'm takin her with us." Daniel answered meekly.

"What's the point, that's … that's not Naomi. That's just meat!"

Frank agreed, in spite of Daniels objections. They'd lost too much gas on the way down, and couldn't afford to take on needless weight. He promised Dan he would pick her up on the next run. So, they took Naomi's body across the valley until they were in a small area with thicker grass. There they lowered her down and covered her with a blanket.

As disturbing as this was, all on its own, Miles constant staring and leering made her all the more uneasy. She moved near the helicopter until she was close enough to hop in the side door.

Juliet had shadowed Frank with a damp cloth in her hands. She hovered over him, cleaning the wound over his eye. It seemed rather out of place considering that she had never before displayed any characteristics of the mothering, caregiver type. They were too far away for anyone to overhear their conversation, but the look on Juliet's face, however, said that it had just taken a serious turn. Frank raised his head. "Miles!"

Miles jerked his head in their direction, taking a couple of irritable steps towards them.

"Yea?"

"This is Juliet … And she wasn't on the plane."

Daniel flipped around, while Miles stood rigidly, bantering back and forth with Frank until he was snarling. He made a start towards Juliet who'd straightened herself in preparation.

"What?! Where is he?!" Miles was now lunging towards the reformed other.

Jack was ready. He swooped around from where they'd lain Naomi faster than Miles could get to Juliet. Instantly red-faced and nostrils flaring, Jack threw his hands squarely on the short mans chest and hurled him backwards. "Back off!"

"You wanna know why we're here?" Miles barked, getting back into Jack's face. He ripped a picture from his pocket and shoved it at him.. "We're here for him. Benjamin Linus!"

Sayid had not flinched when Miles went for Juliet. He'd sat still inside the pilots seat, observing the events unfold. But he was instantly on the ground when Sarah gasped, leaping out of the chopper. He threw an arm around her, aiming to steady her there. She halted, mind racing as Miles set a hard stare at the other two.

"Where is he?!"

Jack swung his head around to Juliet, and then back and Miles. "Well? You gonna answer me?"

He snorted, turned and eyed Sarah. Then he was barreling towards her. "How bout you, ha? You know this man? You know Benjamin Linus?"

Sayid wasted no time. He pulled Sarah behind him, serving as a barrier between her and Miles. Jack was hot after him. "Hey …. Hey!"

Sayid didn't have to say anything at all. Miles came to an abrupt stop, glaring up at the Iraqi. Snarling, he thrust the picture in his face. "Where is this man?"

Now she saw what had set Jack beside himself. She recognized the wide, indifferent gaze instantly. Ben was standing on the backside of a computer, looking over his shoulder. He was wearing a pin-striped shirt and a white vest. She tried to hide the short gasp.

"Tell me right now! You hear me?! "

"She doesn't have to tell you anything." Sayid was holding his position, shielding her with his body while glaring down at the man. "Step away … Now."

"Come here!" Jack ordered, dragging Miles to the side by the arm. "You wanna ask questions, you come to me. Stay away from her!"

Sayid stood rigidly, waiting for Miles to come darting back towards her. Instead, he wrenched his arm away, spouting off at the mouth. "Hands off. Don't touch me man."

She watched them move away, and then she turned, grabbing the water bottle propped up in the side of the aircraft.

"Sarah."

"I'm … It's okay." And then she moved away a short distance, taking a few gulps of water. They were here for Ben? What did that mean? They were supposed to be rescuing the crash survivors. She thought about the night before when Ben asked permission to go with John. He'd agreed with John, insisting that the people on the freighter were not there to rescue anyone. That if they found the island, everyone on it would die. Ben was afraid.

He wouldn't call it that. He would maintain that he was concerned for the safety of the island. That he had to protect it at all cost. Yet, Miles didn't say anything about the island. He was after Ben as if locating him was his primary and only objective. He wouldn't be that tenacious unless he had grim plans for Ben.

What troubled her, though, was not the thought that Ben might be in peril. No, it was simpler than that. If these people were after him, and if they were planning to kill him when they found him, what would they do if they knew she was supposedly his daughter? Even if she really wasn't?

"Look, this is simple do you know where he is, or don't you?" Miles was chasing Jack to the helicopter, Jack trying to act as if he didn't hear him. She tried to ignore the banter between them.

"You alright?" Daniel was the third of the freighter folk to address her directly. "Miles can be…. Um … Ah …A little intimidating."

She turned her head to him. He was very mild mannered, not very tall and a bit small framed for a man. He was gazing at her with tiny brown eyes. How could this man be dangerous? She took another sip and then smiled faintly. "Na, he's just tryin to make himself look bigger than everyone else."

Dan glanced at Miles, persistently arguing with Jack and Juliet, and then smiled back.

"Overcompensating, huh? Yea, you might be right."

"Does that helicopter fly?" She hadn't seen Sayid hovering over Naomi, nor when covered her face with the blanket. But she noticed when left her body and plowed his way over to Frank.

She was taken back by the question. First because she'd already heard him tell Jack that the chopper could, indeed fly, and second because of the way he pronounced it

"heleecoptor."

Frank confirmed that while the fuel had been dangerously depleted, he could fly it to the freighter, fuel up and return again, but he wasn't going anywhere until Charlotte was safe. Sayid smiled. "I can bring her back, safely and if I do, will you take me to your ship?"

Frank eyed him." Absolutely."

"You bring Charlotte back safe, and I will take you off this island."

* * *

_**A/N Thanks again for everyone who's stuck around thus far. It makes the writing all that more rewarding. Thanks Marebear and Insanquinato Light and also Charlotte Temples. You guys are awesome! And so are all the ones who've put me on alert or favorites but haven't reviewed yet. I'm always excited to see what new readers are there! **_

_**Kudos to Mare who honed in on part of the significance of Leto. I would like to add that Mara, the name of Sarah's mother, also means hidden. So, try to figure that one**_

**out … hehe. Thanks again! **


	71. Daybreak

Chapter 71 - Daybreak

In the lull of twilight, the glowing, ball of moon was a brilliant beacon in the ebony sky, illuminating everything beneath it.

Sarah had been staring at the moon, for the past half hour or so, as if it were the philosophers stone. But there was no enlightenment to be gleaned tonight. Just a heaviness in her chest, and a gnawing fear in her gut.

It wasn't as if she hadn't tried to sleep. Once the sun dropped slow behind the somber hills, she helped gather wood for the fire, and then later, sat watching the flickering fingers of flame jutting upwards as if grasping at the nothingness around them. And when Jack rose, admonishing them to get some rest, they all obeyed, each one settling himself in a handpicked spot somewhere close to the campfire. There she lay, eyes closed and heart thumping in her ears, until she could lay there no longer.

This is why Jack, Frank and Daniel quietly slumbered under the star filled sky, while twilight found Sarah wide awake, staring up, but facing the hills.

She'd sent Sayid off to the others with a smile and a nod, and a lingering grasp of her hand in his that broke slow, and hesitantly. Then she watched him disappear over the hill, flanked by Kat and Miles. She wouldn't follow him this time, because she couldn't. This time she would have to have faith. A difficult thing to do when she pictured Sayid confronting John with Ben standing next to him. While her confidence had never failed when it came to her Iraqi, John was bordering on lunacy and Ben could manipulate his way out of the mouth of the smoke monster if need be. There could be no doubt that Ben could have not only talked his way free by now, but have John doing his laundry as well.

And as she watched Sayid walk away from her, she remembered the rain pouring down his face when she told him she had to go after John.

_There was clap of thunder. A sheet of cold, white rain fell down on them like a pathetically bad omen. Sayid flicked his eyes up and down, head tilted to the side. He wiped his hand across his face, drawing a deep breath. "Sarah … that man is not your father. Listen to me …"_

_She raised her head, fixing her eyes into his. "No … you listen to me. It doesn't matter what you think about it, or what Jack thinks about it. It's not about any of you this time. It's about me and it's about John. So, you can back me up … or you can abandon me. "_

_He raised his chin upwards and then let it fall a little. "Then you're not going alone."_

"_Sayid."_

"_You've chosen to believe the people you've told me have lied to you your entire life. The same people who stole you from your parents, held you captive and did things that you can't talk about. You believe them. Do not argue with me any longer. " He shook his head. "It's not safe for you to go to him alone."_

It wouldn't have mattered if she was listening to him then, those words could not have rang with the same clarity as they did now. Nor could the hurt in his voice have been any louder.

"_Are you staying with them?"_

She couldn't see past the blind obsession of finding this man. Past what she thought she so desperately needed to see the people standing in front of her. They'd sheltered her, protected her. They'd given her a home with them. He was asking her if she was going to abandon him, but she wasn't listening.

Eyes glued to the globe of white set so intently above, she was not so oblivious as to dismiss the unnatural presence settling in beside her. Her eyes fluttered briefly when He - IT - spoke. The voice, effortlessly dripping with all the creepiness a person could possibly suffer to hear, floated in the air like a cold vapor.

"You can't leave the island. "

She nearly smiled as she turned her head, the corners of her mouth subtly curling upwards, and gazed, emotionless, on the ruddy face and scrap of mixed blonde and red tresses.

"Trying on a new outfit? "

"You didn't get to say goodbye." He answered promptly without blinking an eye.

"Oh?" She nodded, answering to his stare with a firm gaze back. Yes, this was his voice, and it was his clear blue eyes looking at her, but this was not Charlie Pace.

"Well … somehow I don't think this is the same ... But thanks."

She'd answered calmly, as opposed to trembling and gulping breaths of air .. which is what she normally did whenever the smoke monster made an appearance. She was almost apathetic, and that both surprised, but concerned her. Had she become so numb to this that she'd forgotten to be afraid ?

Yet, however frightful it might or might not have been, there was no denying the poetry in the moment. The two of them, one lost forgotten child who'd been fumbling, helplessly trying to find her way in the dark and this mix of monster in the closet and spirit guide, perched there, together alone, between the waning of night and the breaking of day.

He took note of her curtness and replied with a subtle smirk. "Well, I suppose that's better than screaming and running off into the jungle."

He tilted his head a little, settling his eyes softly into hers. A faint, but not so unfamiliar jolt went through her when he crooned. "I'm not out to hurt you, Sarah. In fact, I'm trying to save you."

What would have been words of comfort, had they been from Jack or Sayid, or even from the real Charlie, draped over her like a heavy cloak of doom. Her apprehensiveness was controlled, but detectable as she swallowed the lump in her throat.

"Save me? " She choked. "You killed Eko. And in front of my own eyes."

His response was swift and absolute. ""Eko was a bad man - and he wasn't sorry for it."

_What do you want from me?!_ Was what she wanted to scream, but she blinked while holding her breath instead, perhaps not so completely immune to the fear as she thought.

"Who are you to judge who is good and bad?" She scoffed, grappling with the confidence she'd so briefly tapped.

Holding his unbreakable stare, he leaned over so close she thought she would puke, and then answered coolly. "Sayid is a bad man too. And he will be sorry for it."

Just like Ben, this thing knew what nerve to pinch. She bolted upwards, turning to the side and ready to explode, finding nothing more than a swatch of soft grass and a puff of warm air stirring over her face.

The next voice she heard was equally as soft as the monster's. "Sarah? Who are you talking to?"

Fingers curled into her palms, she flicked her head towards the voice as she gulped. "What?"

Jack tilted his head. "It's just me Sarah. It's Jack. It's ok. "

"Jack?" She repeated as he reached for her.

"Yea." He reaffirmed, glancing down at her open palm and noting the nailmarks. "That must've been some dream."

She looked at her palms, Jack's voice echoing in her head. Who was she talking to? Jack wouldn't believe her even if she told him. Out rightly admitting that she'd spoken to a shape - shifting spirit, creature or monster that fancied taking the form of recently deceased people, Jack's father for instance, just wasn't something to be disclosed to a "strictly the facts Ma'am " guy like Jack Sheppard. He was a man of science, one who refused to believe unless he could touch, see, smell and taste it. And even then he might have his doubts.

So she blinked and then answered. "Charlie. It was .. I was talking to Charlie."

"Oh?" He moved in nearer. "I didn't know you two were close."

She smiled, familiar with Jack's style of jesting. "He was gonna teach me how to play the guitar."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She echoed, and then felt a pang of loss as if it were fresh. If only that were the real Charlie she'd spoken to.

He watched her plop back down to the sparse patch of grass, and then he joined her, there beside her, crossing his legs and resting his arms on his knees. Amber eyes narrowed as he turned his head. "So, what are you really doin out here?"

The aching pause seemed longer than it really was, as she shuffled her thoughts in her head and then she looked at him. Obviously, while he might have suggested that she'd had a bad dream and either woken up and walked to where she was now, or she'd literally been sleepwalking, he really didn't believe it. If only she could just zap everything she knew, everything she'd seen straight into his head … Maybe then he would understand. Maybe then .. He would believe.

"Have you ever …" And then her sentence broke.

"What?" He answered, holding his gaze steady into hers.

It was strange, how the world was such a big place, but yet small enough for her foster brother, father and maybe even her birth father to just happen to be on the same plane as she and then they all crash landed on the very island she had fought so hard to escape. Now, they were all there with Ben and all the crazy unexplainable happenings. Was it to end simply with them flying off the island together in a helicopter ?

There was Jack, eying her in the way only he could. A mix of keen sincerity and subtle intrusion. She drew a breath and then listened to the words float softly into the warm night air. " Do you think this is all coincidence Jack? Or have you wondered if there is something bigger than all of us? Something more than us trying to get off this island? "

She waited.

His response was numbing in that it inadvertently expressed an offense he'd tried to keep to himself. "So, is that why you went after him? After Locke? "

_Sayid slammed his eyes shut and then cutting a glance to the side. "Jack!"_

_Jack shifted his head towards them. He'd heard, but was trying hard not to. Finally, he put his hands on his hips. "What?! What do you want me to do Sayid?!"_

_He then locked eyes with Sarah, seemingly having an argument inside his head. He ran a palm over his short blades of hair. "Let her do what she wants. She's goin to anyways."_

It had been in in his eyes the moment they'd met up at the bottom of the hill after she'd caught up with him and the freighter people. He was her brother … At least the closest thing to it. But when he went head to toe with John, she chose John - She defended John. She'd hurt Jack too.

Her smile was sincere, but it reflected a poignant sadness within her soft-spoken reply. " I didn't choose Locke over you Jack. "

"I didn't say you did." He denied.

"Didn't have to." She sighed, and then she met his curious gaze with her own. "It wasn't about who I thought was right. You or John. Or about who is evil or good. It was about me. "

Jack nodded, lips parted slightly as he tilted his head to the side. "What does that mean?"

"John is my father."

"What?" He blurted, wide-eyed and face threatening to turn red. "Who told you that? "

She nodded. "That's what Sayid said."

She really didn't have it in her to fight with him, so she merely shook her head. "It doesn't matter now ... Whether he is or not."

"Really?"

She sighed at the sarcasm, understanding the true feeling behind it. "I wanted to know. It had nothing to do with who I think is right or wrong. I just wanted to know if it was true, and if he … If he already knew. If he'd known it all along."

"And?"

"He denied it. He said he knew my mother, that he knew me when I was a baby. But they never … Their relationship was not that way. "

"Well, there you go." He leaned forward assertively. " Look That man is not your father, it's crazy to even think it!"

She sighed again. He was so hot-headed and yet so sensitive, so easily affronted. She would have to say it multiple times before he truly understood. " I don't care. If he is, he is … If he isn't, he isn't. It just doesn't matter anymore Jack. I'm here. I'm here sitting beside you. I'm right here and not there. And I'm here because it's where I want to be. This is where I belong."

It was so urgent in the beginning. This push inside to run after her father. Maybe she'd hoped that if she found him he could undo all the horror that was Benjamin Linus. But, she'd been chasing nothing more than a shadow. Something hinted, but never fully seen. In the process, she'd wounded the two men who were there. Had she not completely grasped it until now? They genuinely cared for her. They loved her, and she'd hurt them.

She did know where she belonged, and it was nowhere near Ben, or this shape-shifting monster that taunted her, nor was it with anything or anyone else on this god-forsaken island. Alex made her choice. She'd helped Sarah, but she loved Ben. Alex would never truly leave him.

And as she was slowly determining not to look back anymore, Sarah's old life was fading.

Her eyes flicked upwards. The moon was melting into a dark purple glow that would soon turn pink and then blue as the sun rose up from behind them.

It was daybreak.

A/N : OMG I am back! I may or may not have any readers left, and I don't blame you all if you're gone. I've had all kinds of stuff get in the way between rl and computer issues. I started on this chapter and had it in mind to make it long like my other chapters, but it ended here and it seemed fitting so I left it that way. Plus it helps with where to start the next chapter. It will not be a long break this time as it has been. Thank you for reading and please review if you like what you see!


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